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Aug 21 10:41:28 <panitaliemom>	hi
Aug 21 10:41:51 <anachronism>	hi
Aug 21 10:42:02 <panitaliemom>	are you a psychiatrist?
Aug 21 10:42:11 <panitaliemom>	I just want to discuss something
Aug 21 10:42:14 <panitaliemom>	I mean your opinion
Aug 21 10:42:30 <panitaliemom>	about my situation
Aug 21 10:42:48 <anachronism>	no
Aug 21 10:42:53 <anachronism>	i don't think any of us are psychiatrists
Aug 21 10:43:00 <panitaliemom>	No? oh
Aug 21 10:43:07 <katiev>	this is more like group therapy
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Aug 21 10:43:12 <panitaliemom>	oh i see
Aug 21 10:43:15 <katiev>	most of us have psychiatrists
Aug 21 10:43:15 <katiev>	haha
Aug 21 10:43:24 <panitaliemom>	oh ... got it
Aug 21 10:43:28 <katiev>	what’s up?
Aug 21 10:43:35 <panitaliemom>	I am sad
Aug 21 10:43:42 <panitaliemom>	I need to resolve my situation
Aug 21 10:43:50 <panitaliemom>	so need help
Aug 21 10:43:55 <katiev>	what kind of situation?
Aug 21 10:44:10 <panitaliemom>	confusiong, fears etc.
Aug 21 10:45:26 <katiev>	anything in particular or just a sort of existential angst kinda thing?
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Aug 21 10:45:44 <panitaliemom>	a mix of both I'd say
Aug 21 10:46:09 <katiev>	in the case of specific situations, i find it helpful to try to break things down into smaller pieces
Aug 21 10:46:19 <panitaliemom>	U know, I read a book the other day bout narcissistic families and I think I fit with the description but I am not 100% sure
Aug 21 10:46:24 <panitaliemom>	yes
Aug 21 10:46:48 <katiev>	for example, if you need to clean your room/house/apartment but it’s just overwhelming and makes you really anxious to think about
Aug 21 10:46:50 <panitaliemom>	since that day several things came to my mind... like it opened up my eyes from a blind
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Aug 21 10:47:10 <panitaliemom>	well, I am a mess right now.. I think I am depressed
Aug 21 10:47:13 <katiev>	instead make a list like ‘put dishes in sink’ ‘wash dishes’ ‘take out trash’ etc so that you can feel like you’re accomplishing things
Aug 21 10:47:47 <panitaliemom>	Yes...but I like auto-sabotage myself
Aug 21 10:47:54 <katiev>	i do exactly the same thing, heh
Aug 21 10:48:10 <katiev>	sometimes i can’t get out of it very easily
Aug 21 10:48:12 <panitaliemom>	every time I try something new to get rid of my  miserable life I feel like rejecting it
Aug 21 10:48:28 <katiev>	yeah same here
Aug 21 10:48:34 <katiev>	it’s really hard to get over, but you can do it
Aug 21 10:49:04 <anachronism>	i know you were looking to talk to a psych here panitaliemom, have you considered seeing one
Aug 21 10:49:04 <panitaliemom>	I wish I could if I knew what's going on in me
Aug 21 10:49:18 <panitaliemom>	I was seeing one online
Aug 21 10:49:25 <panitaliemom>	a very good one but lost contact
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Aug 21 10:49:27 <panitaliemom>	she moved
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Aug 21 10:49:38 <panitaliemom>	the thing is that
Aug 21 10:49:47 <panitaliemom>	I suspect she wasn't revealing all the info I wanted to know
Aug 21 10:50:06 <panitaliemom>	when I asked her frantic questions about my situation she managed always to skew them
Aug 21 10:50:09 <anachronism>	i don't know that talking to someone online is really the same
Aug 21 10:50:21 <katiev>	nobody can just give you answers
Aug 21 10:50:21 <panitaliemom>	almost the same
Aug 21 10:50:22 <panitaliemom>	we used skype
Aug 21 10:50:28 <katiev>	she was probably trying to push you towards figuring it out yourself because that’s more impactful
Aug 21 10:50:30 <anachronism>	what kind of qualifications do they have, are they verified and stuff?
Aug 21 10:50:35 <katiev>	more likely to stick with you
Aug 21 10:50:36 <panitaliemom>	or maybe she was avoiding them
Aug 21 10:50:47 <panitaliemom>	yes, she was member of international APA
Aug 21 10:50:50 <katiev>	she was probably trying to get you to work things out on your own
Aug 21 10:50:51 <anachronism>	oh, ok
Aug 21 10:50:57 <panitaliemom>	I don't know
Aug 21 10:50:59 <katiev>	my therapist does that
Aug 21 10:51:04 <anachronism>	unfortunately psychiatrists just can't give youa ll the answers
Aug 21 10:51:06 <anachronism>	nor therapists
Aug 21 10:51:14 <anachronism>	it's just not that easy
Aug 21 10:51:18 <panitaliemom>	I asked her several times about my family .. she always skewed the answers
Aug 21 10:51:27 <panitaliemom>	but she knew it
Aug 21 10:51:31 <katiev>	has she treated your family?
Aug 21 10:51:36 <panitaliemom>	why she didn't tell me
Aug 21 10:51:38 <panitaliemom>	no
Aug 21 10:51:39 <panitaliemom>	just me
Aug 21 10:51:54 <katiev>	it would be really irresponsible if she started talking about their psychiatric condition without having ever spoken to them
Aug 21 10:52:13 <panitaliemom>	I wanted to discuss bout my family. I have problems to tell when is about manipulation and when a real help petition.
Aug 21 10:52:30 <panitaliemom>	she exchanged a couple of emails with my mom
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Aug 21 10:52:40 <panitaliemom>	my mom feels pity on me
Aug 21 10:52:57 <panitaliemom>	My Dr. tried to tell her I was a wonderful person
Aug 21 10:53:17 <panitaliemom>	like just to let her know I wasn't that little moster my mom thinks I am
Aug 21 10:53:34 <panitaliemom>	my mom always has treated me with pity
Aug 21 10:53:51 <panitaliemom>	with like if I was sick
Aug 21 10:53:53 <panitaliemom>	or different
Aug 21 10:54:07 <panitaliemom>	I am different. I know
Aug 21 10:54:19 <panitaliemom>	but I deserve to be treated like others. It seems they denied me the right to be normal since I was a child.
Aug 21 10:54:40 <panitaliemom>	I feel that. I exhibited some traits of hyper sensitive behaviour
Aug 21 10:54:40 <katiev>	oh that’s a terrible situation to be in
Aug 21 10:54:59 <panitaliemom>	since I was a child.
Aug 21 10:56:20 <katiev>	i was the ‘bad kid’ too
Aug 21 10:56:41 <katiev>	parents didn’t know what to do with me for most of my adolescence
Aug 21 10:56:53 <panitaliemom>	I see
Aug 21 10:57:03 <anachronism>	i was expected to be the golden child to make up for my fuckup of a sister, sometimes that's also bad in a different way
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Aug 21 10:57:14 <katiev>	there comes a point where you just have to kind of accept that you were treated poorly and move on
Aug 21 10:57:21 <panitaliemom>	ic
Aug 21 10:57:32 <panitaliemom>	Yeah, my little sister is the golden child
Aug 21 10:57:33 <katiev>	forgive your family for whatever they did because holding a grudge will keep you from getting better and becoming a whole person
Aug 21 10:57:54 <panitaliemom>	I know,.. I learned to hide these stuffs under the rug
Aug 21 10:57:58 <panitaliemom>	still live with them
Aug 21 10:58:16 <katiev>	in all honesty my parents caused some serious psychological and emotional damage when i was a kid/teenager
Aug 21 10:58:25 <katiev>	but i don’t hold a grudge against them
Aug 21 10:58:29 <panitaliemom>	but I still feel clobbered around for some reason. I know people clobber on me
Aug 21 10:58:42 <panitaliemom>	have you ever felt clobbered before without apparent reason?
Aug 21 10:59:07 <katiev>	yeah, but it’s usually because i make everything my fault
Aug 21 10:59:14 <anachronism>	hiding stuff under the rug and moving on is entirely different
Aug 21 10:59:56 <panitaliemom>	I see.. it is hard not to feel contemptible at times.
Aug 21 11:00:27 <katiev>	yeah the things you put under the rug will rot and fester and make you sick
Aug 21 11:00:51 <moog>	well
Aug 21 11:01:01 <moog>	I have a psych appoitnment after a literal year of bullshitting
Aug 21 11:01:05 <moog>	nothing good is gonna come from it but
Aug 21 11:01:09 <moog>	I guess I need an excuse to go out
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Aug 21 11:01:37 <moog>	oh do we have a new person
Aug 21 11:01:39 <katiev>	you should go moog
Aug 21 11:01:54 <moog>	I will but it'll be bad
Aug 21 11:01:59 <moog>	like psychiatry is bullshit
Aug 21 11:02:12 <panitaliemom>	and now I feel more isolated than ever. I moved to the U.S. 9 ys ago and realized this country promote isolation as a value. That really affects me a lot.
Aug 21 11:02:38 <moog>	yep welcome to capitalism
Aug 21 11:02:58 <panitaliemom>	People are all hidden in their little castles consuming TV. and eveyrthing. Zero nada interaction at all. Roads are built up for cars only.
Aug 21 11:03:02 <katiev>	yeah, it’s a really cool and awesome side effect of american individualism and exceptionalism
Aug 21 11:03:17 <panitaliemom>	all the action only happens on a gas station and supermarket. I feel like living in a horror film
Aug 21 11:03:18 <katiev>	where do you live, if you don
Aug 21 11:03:21 <katiev>	’t mind me asking
Aug 21 11:03:29 <panitaliemom>	I live in Miami
Aug 21 11:03:37 <panitaliemom>	and have seen this pattern in other cities
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Aug 21 11:04:01 <katiev>	ah yeah miami can be shitty
Aug 21 11:04:17 <katiev>	it is a big enough city that you should be able to find some kind of social groups, through meetup or something
Aug 21 11:04:51 <panitaliemom>	yeah
Aug 21 11:05:02 <panitaliemom>	well, the other day I found a friend.. but he turned out having OCD
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Aug 21 11:05:15 <katiev>	unfortunately you do have to push yourself to go find these things
Aug 21 11:05:19 <katiev>	and i know that can be hard
Aug 21 11:05:35 <panitaliemom>	it is not hard. The hard part is "fitting"in those groups
Aug 21 11:05:37 <panitaliemom>	stupid groups
Aug 21 11:06:32 <panitaliemom>	I developed thyroid problems
Aug 21 11:06:40 <katiev>	oh that sucks
Aug 21 11:06:44 <panitaliemom>	adrenal/aldosterone problems because my stress
Aug 21 11:07:04 <panitaliemom>	gained weight and other shits anyway
Aug 21 11:07:08 <panitaliemom>	got a shitty job
Aug 21 11:07:16 <panitaliemom>	if I could call it a job
Aug 21 11:07:26 <panitaliemom>	no friends, no lovers, no nothing
Aug 21 11:07:31 <panitaliemom>	but still have this computer
Aug 21 11:08:15 <panitaliemom>	my other brothers did can make a life with other partners
Aug 21 11:08:33 <katiev>	yeah stress will fuck up your adrenal glands real fast
Aug 21 11:08:41 <panitaliemom>	My sister was recently betrothed
Aug 21 11:08:50 <katiev>	i think it might be a good idea to focus on doing things for yourself
Aug 21 11:08:53 <panitaliemom>	I am taking sea salt for that
Aug 21 11:09:07 <katiev>	not sure what sea salt will help but okay
Aug 21 11:09:24 <panitaliemom>	yeah, I am kind of finding my own way. I don't fit in the typical job. I tried to do it two months ago but I was fired
Aug 21 11:09:32 <panitaliemom>	yeah it helps a lot..
Aug 21 11:09:38 <panitaliemom>	to heal adrenals
Aug 21 11:09:44 <katiev>	sure
Aug 21 11:09:45 <panitaliemom>	I made a 24 hs saliva test
Aug 21 11:09:56 <panitaliemom>	It was about a Clinic
Aug 21 11:10:21 <panitaliemom>	I knew the owner. He used to be my primary Dr. so I got the job
Aug 21 11:10:23 <panitaliemom>	It was about making appointments for patients.
Aug 21 11:10:32 <panitaliemom>	but got too much complaints about me being rude
Aug 21 11:10:37 <panitaliemom>	so I was fired
Aug 21 11:10:42 <katiev>	maybe a cultural thing
Aug 21 11:10:47 <panitaliemom>	I wasn't rude. I was just defending the clinic rules
Aug 21 11:10:51 <panitaliemom>	a lot.
Aug 21 11:10:52 <katiev>	oh
Aug 21 11:10:59 <panitaliemom>	mostly stupid Latino immigrants
Aug 21 11:11:04 <panitaliemom>	illegals
Aug 21 11:11:28 <panitaliemom>	Dr. supposedly was doing "the right thing" attending them without an insurance.
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Aug 21 11:11:47 <katiev>	that is the right thing to do
Aug 21 11:11:57 <katiev>	denying people medical care is pretty bullshit
Aug 21 11:12:10 <panitaliemom>	and it seemed to me a good gesture from his part.
Aug 21 11:12:50 <panitaliemom>	but it was a hell of Clinic. All were girls and me the only man. A lot of gossiping inside.
Aug 21 11:13:21 <panitaliemom>	I don't know what to study. I am hesitant since I am now 42
Aug 21 11:13:24 <panitaliemom>	almost 43
Aug 21 11:13:37 <katiev>	you can study anything you like
Aug 21 11:13:39 <katiev>	there’s no reason not to
Aug 21 11:13:45 <katiev>	it doesn’t matter how old you are
Aug 21 11:13:55 <panitaliemom>	thought or nursery but I think it's too much book to read, and I know I couldn't cope with all those tons of books.
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Aug 21 11:14:01 <katiev>	i mean unless you’re talking about med school, since that’s like 9 years or something before you even get to residency
Aug 21 11:14:26 <panitaliemom>	Yes, it does matter... I am 42 and I would spend all the rest of my life paying a student loan. U know.
Aug 21 11:14:53 <panitaliemom>	I wish I would have studied something related to Psychology but it's all those 9 ys u just told.
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Aug 21 11:15:02 <panitaliemom>	but my sister is already a psychologist
Aug 21 11:15:25 <panitaliemom>	and she is not making money on that profession. I still want to get a good lifestyle.
Aug 21 11:15:51 <panitaliemom>	I read a good part of Social workers switched to nurse
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Aug 21 11:16:21 <panitaliemom>	my other side is making online business but because Google algorithm changing every time and on it is practically impossible
Aug 21 11:16:50 <panitaliemom>	I know everything implies beavering it away
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Aug 21 11:17:30 <panitaliemom>	anyway, ... that's my problem katiev
Aug 21 11:17:52 <panitaliemom>	I am so hesitant. I have these irrational fears of not knowing what's the real "me"
Aug 21 11:17:59 <katiev>	just try stuff i gues
Aug 21 11:17:59 <katiev>	s
Aug 21 11:18:01 <panitaliemom>	and it all because of my narcissistic family
Aug 21 11:18:04 <katiev>	that’s what i did
Aug 21 11:18:04 <panitaliemom>	yeah
Aug 21 11:18:14 <katiev>	i have a degree in german, i’ve been a barista, i’ve been a cook, i’ve worked office jobs
Aug 21 11:18:19 <katiev>	now i’m getting a phd in genetics so
Aug 21 11:18:21 <panitaliemom>	I've been trying and trying for all these years. I've tried this MLM things and everything
Aug 21 11:18:29 <panitaliemom>	really?
Aug 21 11:18:29 <katiev>	yeah don’t do that
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Aug 21 11:18:39 <katiev>	yeah, i’ve done a lot of things
Aug 21 11:18:46 <panitaliemom>	umm interesting
Aug 21 11:18:52 <panitaliemom>	phd in genetics?
Aug 21 11:18:57 <katiev>	yep
Aug 21 11:19:03 <panitaliemom>	so are you a psychologist?
Aug 21 11:19:05 <katiev>	no
Aug 21 11:19:06 <panitaliemom>	genetist?
Aug 21 11:19:09 <anachronism>	was going to buy passes for a giant indoor playground but then i clicked the thumbnail and realized it was for children and not adults :(
Aug 21 11:19:20 <katiev>	i don’t have any training in psychology
Aug 21 11:19:21 <katiev>	at all
Aug 21 11:19:25 <panitaliemom>	I see
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Aug 21 11:19:46 <katiev>	i work on cell division in c elegans and mammalian cell culture
Aug 21 11:19:47 <panitaliemom>	I took my ADN recently with 23andme
Aug 21 11:19:47 <panitaliemom>	sounds nice
Aug 21 11:19:49 <katiev>	should probably not give your genome away
Aug 21 11:19:54 <panitaliemom>	I found out I have metformin resistance
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Aug 21 11:21:01 <panitaliemom>	and found out some gens tend to dementia
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Aug 21 11:21:36 <panitaliemom>	anyway
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Aug 21 11:21:53 <panitaliemom>	a giant indoor playground?
Aug 21 11:21:58 <katiev>	if it’s the alzheimer’s gene, that at least has a fair amount of evidence backing it
Aug 21 11:22:05 <panitaliemom>	I see
Aug 21 11:22:19 <katiev>	a lot of those things are incredibly easy to misinterpret if you don’t know what things like ‘susceptibility’ or whatever mean
Aug 21 11:22:42 <panitaliemom>	well yeah. I found some mutations
Aug 21 11:22:51 <katiev>	you found some SNPs
Aug 21 11:22:57 <panitaliemom>	yep
Aug 21 11:23:08 <katiev>	that deviate from the reference genome
Aug 21 11:23:14 <panitaliemom>	and they told you how to detox it
Aug 21 11:23:17 <katiev>	which, tbh, is woefully incomplete
Aug 21 11:23:30 <katiev>	detox?
Aug 21 11:23:30 <panitaliemom>	ic
Aug 21 11:23:33 <panitaliemom>	yes
Aug 21 11:23:36 <katiev>	what does that even mean
Aug 21 11:23:45 <katiev>	(it means nothing, unless you’re talking about what your liver does)
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Aug 21 11:24:25 <panitaliemom>	interesting
Aug 21 11:25:16 <katiev>	but what did you mean by detox?
Aug 21 11:25:17 <katiev>	i’m curious
Aug 21 11:25:35 <panitaliemom>	methyliation
Aug 21 11:25:53 <katiev>	what
Aug 21 11:25:55 <katiev>	you can’t like
Aug 21 11:26:08 <katiev>	change the epigenetic state of every cell in your body
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Aug 21 11:26:30 <katiev>	methylation is a way to shut off parts of the genome
Aug 21 11:26:36 <panitaliemom>	I got this MTHFR C677T
Aug 21 11:26:52 <panitaliemom>	homozygous: VDR Taq MAO-A R297R MTR A2756G BHMT-08 CBS C699T
Aug 21 11:27:08 <panitaliemom>	heterozygous COMT V158M COMT H62H VDR Bsm MTRR K350A
Aug 21 11:27:32 <katiev>	oh so you mean how to avoid elevated homocysteine levels through dietary changes
Aug 21 11:27:40 <panitaliemom>	yes
Aug 21 11:27:42 <panitaliemom>	I think so
Aug 21 11:27:56 <katiev>	sure, that’s a thing
Aug 21 11:28:06 <panitaliemom>	so taking B-12 methyil and other ways of B12 could help
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Aug 21 11:29:10 <panitaliemom>	I have plently of vits
Aug 21 11:29:30 <panitaliemom>	go to luch.. see ya later. ty