How Not To Get Laid With Your Childhood Crush

[17:21] Arika in middle school was always that quiet girl, the one that sat in the back of the class reading, and seemed so small in her desk. But rumours always went around that she was a slut, and would suck anyone's dick. They say she even went further. She never seemed to pay those rumours any attention, and in class she was quiet, and would only answer when called on. She didn't go out of her way to push people away, but neither did she go out of her way to make friends. She was a loner. And a bit of a yankee despite being buried in books. She'd come to some classes but not to others, and could be seen sometimes hanging out behind the gym after lunch.

A young Lily didn't care, though, and didn't believe those rumours. She put a heartwarming note in the girl's locker during gym class and asked to see her on the rooftop. Arika never showed up, though, and never acknowledged it. She never really looked any of the girls in class in the eye after that, either, unsure of who might have been the one who slipped her that perfumed and hand written lovenote.

A few weeks later, Arika was gone. People say she killed herself, or got locked in jail. One rumour was she got knocked up by a teacher and had to drop out of school. Whatever the case, Lily never saw her again until a decade later.
[17:21] Arika: The Tender Pussy used to be a bona fide lesbian club, as the name implied. Lily shrugged the coat off her shoulders, hanging the drenched clothing up and rubbed her hands together to get a little warmth back into them.

Nowadays? She cast a cynical eye around the girls gathered in the club, taking glances at their hands. Less than a third of the customers in the club were actual dykes; the rest were made up of 'daring' or 'open-minded' straight girls, hanging out for a laugh. The occasional cluster of heteroflexible girls in the club was something Lily appreciated (it kept her flirting skills honed), but this kind of saturation was just horrendous. At least they weren't allowed to bring their boyfriends in here.

Lily sighed and edged around a band of multicoloured punk girls chattering about some new boy band, seating herself at the bar and nodding at the bartender - being a regular got you no discounts in the modern economy, but it cut out a lot of the red tape. Her drink arrived in due time, and despite her efforts to keep a playful smile on her face, Lily felt her face slide into a frown as she drank.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed another person hustle over from the door and huddle up against the bar, still wearing her soaked-through raincoat - and when Lily leaned forwards to talk to her, a flash of recognition ran through her like a thunderbolt.

"Hey, the bar has a coatha- Arika!?"

[17:27] Arika looked across the lapels of the faded grey trenchcoat, it's waterproofing starting to wear off. She pulled back the hoodie she wore under it, and her red hair was a soaked mess, but it was her. The same girl Lily had a crush on ten years before. She squints, looking at Lily and maybe a hint of recognition flashes in her eyes, before she shrugs, and hunches down in her stool, leaning against the bar. A short muscular man with five o'clock shadow, a shaved head, and labret piercings walked over and asked Arika what she'd be having in a soft feminine voice, and poured her a cheap glass of orange juice and a splash of vodka. Arika chugged down the screwdriver and leaned back on the countertop before looking at Lily again. "Yeah... it's me."
[17:34] Lily Leveridge: A broad grin cut across Lily's face, and she shuffled a seat over to sit down next to Arika. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes! Haven't seen you in... jeez, ten years? I missed you, Princess," Lily said, her mood taking a sudden swing upwards and the old nickname for the most perfect girl in the class slipping into place like it had been waiting for this moment all along. Easy does it, Lily chided herself. Arika might have forgotten all about the bouncy girl's precocious crush, but Lily was still hung up on ten years ago.

"So," she began cautiously. "You duck in here to hide from the rain, or didya come in on purpose?" Hopefully, the tiny hiccup at the end wouldn't be noticed by Arika.
[17:38] Arika runs a hand through her wet hair, and it runs down the back of her coat until the barback hands her a towel, with a little tease of "here you go, Princess." She glares at the transman and starts drying her hair. "Shut up, Lenny," she mutters. Then she lets out a sigh after a stretched beat. "I came here on purpose, yeah. It's a good place to not get hit on by guys who think with their cock." She orders another cheapo drink and nurses it gently, wincing a little. "Do I know you?"
[17:45] Lily Leveridge: On purpose, good. To avoid guys, bad, since it implied she was used to it. Knowing Lenny, good again. Not knowing Lily herself and not remembering the nickname...

Bad. Very bad.

Outwardly, she waved it off. "Heh, probably not. I didn't really stand out at school. I used to be in your class, ten years ago. Lily's the name. Nice to meet you again!" She held out her hand to shake Arika's, offering it with a smile. If only she'd worn the perfume she'd put on the childish letter today, Arika might be reminded. Lily waited for Arika to react as she ran through options in her head, most of them ending up as 'ask the punks I shoved past for a favour'.
[17:49] Arika stares at the hand and sighs, then after taking another swallow of cheap alcohol and cheaper filler, she reached over and shook the hand. "I guess I remember you. You still have the same glasses you did back then," she says, giving the girl a little bone for some reason. "Are you trying to ask if I'm in a dyke bar because I'm a dyke?" she said, taking another drink. "I mean, usually people don't feel the need to ask."

[17:54] Lily Leveridge: Lily doesn't pay attention to the slur. It's not that she ignores it, but that she forgives Arika on the spot, possibly because the idea of Arika remembering her across ten years is warming her insides better than her drink could. "Usually," Lily echoes the redhead, jerking her head in the direction of the partying group. "Look at their damn nails. They just came in here because they wanted to get sozzled and play up the dancing with each other. Some girls get a kick out of pretending to be something they're not, especially when they can just get away with it."

Lily fixes Arika with her gaze, still crushing her nervousness and worry down as best she can. "So, are you?
[18:01] Arika lets out a little snort, and can't help but smile. She thinks about it for a moment and finishes off her drink, sucking on one of the ice cubes before she gets another glass. The woman ruffles her own red hair with the towel again and sighs, then holds up her thin little hand and wiggles her fingers. Her nails are chewed on and far from manicured, but they're short enough to answer Lily's question. "Can't say I expected to get a date tonight. Might wanna file 'em a bit."
[18:02] Arika: ((>mfw that reference will always make me laugh))
[18:02] Lily Leveridge: ((which reference? just the fingernail length thing? I wasn't intentionally going for anything.))
[18:03] Arika: ((It's just one of those funny truisms))
[18:09] Lily Leveridge: "Always be prepared," Lily laughs easily, and the warm feeling keeps growing when she sees the girl smile at something she said. "I've got a file in my handbag somewhere if you're willing to root around in it." She winks playfully.

All of a sudden, her face switches from cheerful and joky over to concerned. "Uh... Sorry to ask, but... pinch me?" She appears to be earnest, and she's even holding out her hand to Arika. On a dark and depressingly wet day, the love of her schoolgirl life shows up and reveals herself as into women? Entirely impossible for someone with her typical luck.

[18:14] Arika looks at the hand again and rolls her eyes, reaching out to pinch the back of the girl's hand. She does it harder than most people would. "You're not dreaming. Why are you hitting on me? I look like a drowned Cocker spaniel, I don't have on make up, and I look like I got hit by a bus." Lenny was about to refill her drink, but hears what she's saying and quickly busies himself getting one of those co-eds a Bud light instead. "If you just want to fuck me, sure, hundred dollars and we can do whatever."

[18:22] Lily Leveridge is about to answer with a smile, before she hears the last sentence. Strangely, though, her face doesn't twist into surprise or horror; instead, confusion fills it. "Pay? Hey, no, Princess, I'm not gonna hire you to do anything. I... I mean, I love you." Her cheeks start to colour as she realises the words that have slipped out of her mouth, but her composure remains mostly intact. "I thought you were here just to have a drink, and I wanted to say what I couldn't ten years ago."

She laughs, half-broken. "And now I fucked it up. Great, huh? Blurted it all out a moment before I meant to. Ah, shit..." She runs a finger through her hair, then looks back to Arika. "I'm not going to pay you to do me. Not now, and not ever."

[18:27] Arika flags the bartender down with a long face, eyes closed, lips pursed slightly. "I need something stronger. She's paying for it." He looks over to Lily, but doesn't really question it and pours a scotch. Arika swallows it down and winces hard, hunching up her shoulders and gritting her teeth as it burns its way down. The bartender stands there for a bit, but Arika puts a hand over the shotglass and waves him off. She lets out a sigh, and gives a dry cough.
"I don't really do relationships, Jenny," she says when she's done, her voice a little hoarse. "So if you aren't paying you probably aren't going to be fucking me."

[18:36] Lily Leveridge: Lily nods to the bartender, then looks at Arika with a concerned expression, half-reaching out when the girl starts coughing. "Hey, that wasn't the point of this whole thing." She rolls her eyes moments after she's done talking. "Well, okay, fine: when I saw you, the first thing I thought of was the corner-case possibility of having a one-night stand with someone I used to be obsessed with. But... I dunno. Maybe I'm the stupid type. Maybe I'm the type that gets way too attached to something from too long ago. But what I want - really, really want - is to be with you. I can pass on the sex, if I have to." Her eyes aren't wavering; she might be telling the truth.

"I want to be there when you wake up," Lily says gently, arm lifting just a little bit. "I want to see you every day of my life. I want to tell you what I did today, or about something stupid and funny I saw in the city. I want to be a part of your life, and for you to be a part of mine, and I've wanted that ever since I met you."

Softly, she goes on. "Why don't you 'do' relationships, Arika?"
[18:41] Arika watches as the bartender listens in, and her head sinks into the lapels of her ratty trenchcoat. She taps the upside down shotglass against the countertop with a nervous tempo, cheeks getting as flushed and crimson as her hair sticking out from under the towel still. She gives the glass a smack. "Damnit! It was you, wasn't it. Who put that note in my locker. You think I wanted a damned girlfriend when I was fucking fourteen?" she asks, trembling a little. She's trying to keep her voice down, but it's coming out louder than she wanted. "I don't want a girlfriend now, either. I don't wanna deal with you, and you don't know about me. You don't wanna be there when I wake up."
[18:46] Lily Leveridge: "Yeah, that was me." The flicker of warmth is still there in her chest. "I was stupid at the age, but I thought it might do something."

Now Arika is getting worked up, and Lily carefully reaches out her hand, hovering just above Arika's shoulder. "How do you know that? Can you see the future? Do you automatically think I'd just make you 'deal with' me?" She leans forwards, around so Arika can't dodge eye contact. Hopefully, her faint smile can help Arika cool down. "I want to know about you , Arika. Be a little selfish, for once. Make use of the fact that I love you. Let someone try to be there." It's becoming easier and easier to say 'love'.
[18:54] Arika just flat out looks away, turning on the bar stool and leaning against the counter with one arm. She glances back in the mirror behind the bar, looking at Lily leaning in, seeing her thin little frame and her poor looks. She can't look at herself too long, and turns from the mirror as well with a little "fmph." She pulls out a few wadded bills and takes out a hundred and puts it down on the wet counter and slams her glass a little too hard over it. She winces at the noise, "Lenny, I'm going home. Put it on my tab. Maybe call a cab for lovergirl here, she's had too much to drink."

With that, Arika hops off the stool, and heads through the throng of dykes, femmes, barsexuals, and trendy coeds who think having an HRC bumper sticker on their car means a damned thing. Lenny calls out in his little femme voice, "H-hey...!" but Arika doesn't hear him. "Damn, that was my towel."
[18:55] Arika: He turns to Lily and scribbles down something on his pad and hands it off. "Here, her place is right down the street. Chica needs to get laid."
[19:04] Lily Leveridge: "Hey, wait u-" Lily hisses in frustration as the gaunt redhead makes her escape and grins a quick thanks at Lenny, then takes off after Arika. Just her luck; a new, even more ear-poundingly loud song comes on just as she's about to push through the mess of the crowd, and suddenly it feels far more like one of her combat missions than she's comfortable with. As she shoves her way through the tangled mass, a little tickling sensation pops up that she quickly ignores; she's gone 'faulty' again, and her eyes start shimmering a piercing green light.

The door jingles when she's halfway through, and Lily doesn't even bother thinking about her jacket - the piece of paper goes in her top and into her bra, the driest place she can reach in the split-second she has before she bursts out the door.

Monsoon season has come to visit, by all appearances. Lily throws her hand over her eyes to see further than five metres into the rainstorm, eyes seeking out any sign of a coat disappearing into the torrent. She probably can't move fast in this state, and Lily's tracked targets through worse places.

[19:14] Arika turns a corner at the end of the street, pulling her hood up over the towel. She heads down the block, and ends up going into a small mostly unmarked building with several floors. It was a rundown apartment complex, the cramped little entry hall still wet with rain. The wood was more than a little scuffed, with lacquer just thrown on top of it, well worn and uneven. The stairs creaked and there was the soft mumbling of people through the walls. A cat quickly ran through the door when Lily held it open, and ran up the stairs. One pair of wet footprints was also going up the short flight of stairs and leading down the hall to the elevator. Thankfully, the note Lenny gave had an address and apartment number, C-4.

The concrete stairwell was cold, and damp, with rusted pipes sticking out and a soft clanging coming from inside them, the dull wump of a fan going somewhere. It was leaking and wet somewhere at the top of the stairwell. Three flights of stairs later and she spotted the telltale dripping of a coat leading from the elevator into the fourth room on the floor. There was no designation or anything, but as Lily stood in front of the door on that tacky carpet from the 1970s, frayed and pounded by use, this was Arika's apartment.

There was a faint crying from within.
[19:26] Lily Leveridge: Lily stumbles inside the building and coughs out rainwater, shaking herself once to get the worst of the rain away. Still shivering, she fishes the little scrap of paper out of her bra and memorises the apartment address before the sodden paper falls apart. She's been through rain before, but then she was wearing protective gear - she feels like even her bones are soaked through.

She doesn't trust the lift in a building that looks this run-down, so Lily takes the stairs - three at a time, something in her very soul yelling at her to move as fast as she could, scared of losing Arika for the second time.

The door, as might be expected, is still open (like Arika was in the state to securely lock herself away), and slowly cre-e-eaks open when Lily leans against it. The crying cuts out as soon as the first sound is made, to be replaced by a kind of sniffling and the sound of Arika listening as hard as she could to see who was entering her apartment without her permission. Now, or never. Lily takes a deep breath.

"If your version of making people deal with you is making them jog a minute down the street, then I'm sorry to say it, Arika, but you're positively a joy to put up with." Slowly, she edges the door open and steps inside, hands raised and open to show her lack of intent to harm and head staring only at the ground, waiting for Arika's permission to look up.
[19:28] Arika: ((>Entering uninvited; Oh shit, dis bitch be crazy))
[19:29] Lily Leveridge: ((technically she's a genetically engineered mass murderer with glowy eyes, remember))
[19:29] Lily Leveridge: ((dammit how does smalltext? it is just [small]this?[/small]))
[19:30] Arika: (([sub]text[/sub]))
[19:30] Lily Leveridge: ((ergh, too used to LJ from way back. Thanks!))
[19:36] Arika calls out from the bathroom, "M-Mary and Joseph! You chased me here? Go away!" Her voice breaks a little from inside the small room sharing a wall with what passes for a foyer. Her jacket and hoodie are thrown on the floor--along with the towel--and the place looks a mess. Not from clothes or garbage, but just the general disheveled nature of it. Furniture is askew, what little there is, and there are plates on the table. A little trashcan sits next to a clean-up-day office chair, filled with little tissues covered in dried blood. There's a few bottles on the counter, most of them half empty, and a cigarette graveyard of an ashtray sitting next to one of those little sixteen inch computer monitor/televisions and it's got some old scifi movie on mute.

Arika just keeps quietly sniffling from the bathroom. "You see this shit?" she calls out, "why would you want to be with someone like me? Look at how I live. I'm a fucking whore."
[19:46] Lily Leveridge: "And?", Lily calls out in response, daring to look up when it became apparent Arika wasn't in the same room. "My flat looks just the same way. A mess, organised by which corner I throw what rubbish into." She closes the door and her jaw goes rigid when she sees the little tissues.

She moves over to the entrance to the bathroom, leaning with her back to the wall next to the door. "Princess... why do you think telling me you think you're worthless is going to work? I love you. I love you enough to want you to be happy, and I want to be there and see your smile. Even if you think I'm an idiot, you can at least take advantage of me. Use me for affection, for care, for help. I don't mind."

[19:55] Arika is curled up in the tub wearing a skirt from Goodwill and a black tank top, her red hair tangled and wet still and all around her. She lays there with her knees to her chest, shoes still on, and cries. "I don't want affection. What do you expect me to do, kiss you and tell you I love you back? I don't even know you. I barely remember your fucking name." The girl tries to get a breath, taking deep ones, choking up. "Who the fuck wants a whore for a girlfriend? Don't you know why I left the school? Why I didn't want your stupid note?"
[20:07] Lily Leveridge: "Well, that does sound nice," Lily tries to keep the tone light. She leans around the door corner, still with the slight smile on her face, though it fades a little when Arika mentions the letter. They make an odd-looking pair, both with hair like drowned rats.

"Apparently, I did. And I still do." More of the picture was coming into view; Arika hadn't rejected her out of fear or revulsion - she just thought herself too damaged to be worth affection. "Listen, Arika," she says, slowly moving in and tiptoeing closer with her arms raised in a gesture of peace. "I don't give a shit what you think about yourself, or what you call yourself. No one's too far gone. Everyone still has a shot at a happy life. All they need..." For dramatic effect, she reached one hand out to the redhead, as if to help her out of the tub. "...Is a chance." And I'm your chance.

[20:12] Arika looks up at the hand through her mess of hair, scowling up and the other girl, tears in her eyes. "I was the school bike. I didn't need to be called a dyke. I don't need a relationship. I don't need people close to me just waiting for me to fuck it all up again." She shifted in the tub, pulling her head down until her forehead is on her knees. "I don't want to be loved. I don't want this stupid relationship bullshit. And I don't want some bitch who's going to run away when I wake up screaming. You wanna be next to me? That's what you'll get."
[20:20] Lily Leveridge: Lily moves closer, ending in a kneeling pose by the tub. Her arms are crossed on the rim, and she's looking softly at Arika. "Is that what you want? Or is that what you think you deserve?"

"I'll help you not fuck it up. I'm getting really good at it. I've heard people wake up screaming, or go to sleep screaming, or scream through the night until they just... stop. Arika, look at me." She tries reaching out with one hand, touching Arika's shoulder, trying to get her to look at the expression she's making. "I love you so, so much, because I can see what you can be, and what you can look like when you're smiling. If I knew what you could be, and didn't help you in any way I could to get to that point, I'd be the worst kind of person." She smiled wryly. "I may be a bad person, but I've still got a ways to go before I let a girl like you waste her chance at a good life."

[20:27] Arika flinches at the hand on her shoulder, but sniffles, and looks up again. She leans up on her elbow and moves in to kiss Lily, pressing their lips together tearfully. She pushes her back, and up against the toilet, her arm hitting the cabinet. Arika cries, and kisses her deeply, opening her mouth and slipping in her tongue, her lips parting in a sob, her arms around Lily's shoulders, holding her. "Why won't you leave me alone?" she asks, still in the kiss, her words practically falling into Lily's mouth. Arika drops her head and cries into Lily's breasts. "Just go..."
[20:35] Lily Leveridge: Lily kisses back purely on instinct, expecting a lot of things but not this. Moments later, when Arika's head is suddenly scattered limply across her collarbone and chest, she flushes red and a very stupid smile cuts across her face. Her arms wrap around Arika, holding her, letting her shudder and lie there. "I-I won't leave you alone," she whispers into the girl's ear. "I love you far, far too much for that."

A moment passes, or maybe it's longer; for Lily, it doesn't make a difference. The taste of Arika's kiss still lingers on her lips. It's nothing special, to be honest, but there's a hint of something she can just barely taste that she doesn't have a better name for than 'Arika'.

She moves up a hand and begins stroking Arika's hair. "We don't have to do anything, Arika. Right here, right now, you decide what happens." She lightly kissed Arika's head through the wet hair, pointedly not mentioning the fact that they should get out of their clothes to avoid catching a cold, because even just the thought of that is already making her heart beat faster.

[20:41] Arika stays slumped around the other woman, and murmurs something into her breasts, the two of them soaking up the little bathmat. "Fuck me..." she says quietly, lifting her head up enough. "Just take me to bed and fuck me. You don't have to pay, just do whatever you want..."
[20:45] Lily Leveridge: Lily feels a very strong surge of desire, and her eyes flicker jsut a tiny bit, but she forces it down (it feels a lot like biting through your own finger). Her breaths become a tad shakier and her face is being tinted a very faint shade of red. "And... that's what you want?"

She feels like she's going to war against herself as she slowly leans off the wall and takes a hesitant step, still almost carrying Arika. "Arika, please, tell me. What do you want to do? What turns you on?

[20:50] Arika is rather light. Barely a dime shy of a dollar, soaking wet, which she currently is. She clings to Lily's shirt now, her fingers curling around her bra strap for support as she gets to her feet. She leans in, shaking and small. "Whatever you want." she says quietly. She doesn't know what else to say. She leans up again and kisses Lily, making out with her like they never could have in high school.
[20:58] Lily Leveridge: Lily half-carries, half leads her out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, head spinning from he kisses. It's hardly more well-decorated than the rest of the apartment, but Lily doesn't care. She takes Arika over and nudges her until she lies down on the bed, each moment littered with first little breathless kisses that part and rejoin, then turning deeper, her lips parting and her tongue slipping out to touch Arika's lips and teeth, stroking over them.

When she steps back for a brief second, she's panting and the green of her eyes is definitely glowing. "O-okay... Okay. Then..." She reaches back around and unclips her bra strap through the clothing with practised ease, then worms her fingers beneath her still-soaked shirt hem. "I'm going to take it slow, and find out where you like it. I want to see you having the time of your life, Arika." In a single motion, she pulls her wet shirt up and over, treating Arika to the sight of her respectable breasts bouncing as they're freed from the confines of clothing. Her skin still has goosebumps over it from the run through the rain, but it's a body any girl would be proud of - practically an hourglass figure, a flat and toned stomach, letting Arika devour it with her eyes for a few seconds.

[21:16] Arika falls into the bed and lays there, looking up at the ceiling for the most part. Her skirt is halfway up her thighs, and her shirt shows off her belly, which is small and waifish, her hips showing at the hem of her skirt. She looks up and suddenly her chest stops for a moment, then when she starts breathing again it rises and falls a little faster, playing catch up. She looks away again, and crawls towards the head of the bed, unceremoniously pulling off her skirt and the simple black tank top.
Her skin is pale and she has a few bruises on her body, near her thin ribs and on her shoulders and halfway up her arms. She has a little red bush running down between her legs, the hair matted and wet like the rest of her, rain having soaked through everywhere. She doesn't bother fixing her hair, which still hangs around her shoulders in knots and tangles of fire doused a dark brown from the rain. Her nipples are cold and hard, little brown tips at the ends of her small breasts. She looks a mess, face all red and swollen from tears, body marked with yellow fist marks and a few circular burns at her thighs and wrists. And between the gap of her thighs, there are long, thin white lines, as well as a few that look fresher, a few others on the inside of her wrists, where sleeves would hide them.
[21:26] Lily Leveridge: Lily feels a rush of anger at the sight of this beautiful girl's body, at the one who had caused the bruises. Lily knew that sometimes she could be rather more feral in bed, but she knew when to pull her hits, where the line lies between adrenaline pleasure and simple torture. She bows down (breasts dangling) and unbuttons her jeans, then slides both pants and panties down and off, stepping out of them. Her hips are more rounded than the bony ones Arika has to offer, and the tuft that leads down between her legs is noticeably wet. (She wonders what Arika will think it's due to.)

She feels a nervous surge wash over her, and her movements slow - Arika could watch this as long as she wanted, she told herself to fight the butterflies. This was for Arika. Lily tipped forwards and lay down on her side on the bed next to Arika, slowly shuffling her head closer to kiss the girl's cheek. "D-do you like seeing me naked, Arika?"
[21:31] Arika turns away, closing her eyes at the kiss, and nods a little. She starts to have second thoughts, and rolls over on the bed, facing away from her, curling up into the fetal position. Her spine shows through her skin, each little bump. There are more bruises back there, and an old appendix scar or something of the sort. "I should take a shower first" she says quietly, not getting up. The bed shifts and the sheets rustle as she pulls her legs up with the rest of her, back curving a little more, her hand around her waist.
[21:34] Lily Leveridge: "I'm glad," Lily replies. When Arika rolls away, she doesn't immediately follow, but instead sits up and shuffles over. "No problem. We have all the time in the world, and you have to do none of this." She moves close enough to put a hand on Arika's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Do you want any help, or do you want to shower alone?" It's loaded with suggestion, but for the first time, Lily didn't mean it.
[21:40] Arika shrinks into her little cocoon at the touch. "I have a man's cum in me..." she says quietly. It sounds guilty, even though they aren't exactly together. She feels like she betrayed something. This is why she hates being part of something, part of some relationship. "M-more than one... I can't do it... I-I was lying... I don't want to be fucked. I thought if I gave you what you want you'd go. I just want to be left alone. Why won't you hate me? The rumours were true. I'd sleep with anyone. Anyone but you."
[21:42] Lily Leveridge: [i]Lily took a sudden deep breath, trying to figure out how to process this new information. Above all else, something screamed at her to not even dare think about moving her hand away, that if she moved away now, she might lose Arika for real.
[21:43] Lily Leveridge: [SHIT SORRY IGNORE]
[21:43] Lily Leveridge: [FUCKED UP)
[21:47] Lily Leveridge: Lily took a sudden deep breath, trying to figure out how to process this new information. Above all else, something screamed at her to not even dare think about moving her hand away, that if she moved away now, she might lose Arika for real.

"Arika, Arika," she said with a lightheaded tone. "You haven't been listening to me, have you ? When you called yourself a..." She couldn't call her girlfriend a slut, even when quoting. "I didn't say you weren't one. I said that it didn't matter to me." She shuffled closer on the bed, placing her other hand on Arika's other shoulder, giving more contact instead of retreating and placing a gentle kiss to her neck. "...Do you enjoy it? Being with them?" There was a part of her that was shivering, but far more knew this was too important to act up now. Fight past it, make sure she's stable, talk it through, and then start worrying about yourself.
[21:49] Arika shifts and rolls over, not looking Lily in the face. She points to the pair of dogtags pressed between her breasts, "do you enjoy that? It's my job. It doesn't matter whether I enjoy it. It's how I'm able to eat. And afford this shitty apartment."
[21:50] Arika: ((I just sort of assumes she has them, since soldier))
[21:51] Lily Leveridge: ((Makes sense that she has them, I agree))

[21:56] Lily Leveridge: "You know that if you don't like your job, you can get a new one, right?" Lily takes a deep breath for courage. "Arika... can you look into yourself and ask me what you want? What you really, truly want? If it's this, then just say so."

"But if it's something else... If you want to do something else with your life... You don't have to be reliant on being a hooker. You can come live in my apartment." She felt for Arika's hand, and squeezed it to show support. "I can't give you the world, but I can give you a chance. And don't start thinking that you have to do anything for me because of this. This is something I'm giving to you - offering to you - of my own free will. It's a gift."
[22:07] Arika stays quiet, holding onto the dog tags, picking at the little rubber silencers around the edges, not really reading it because her eyes are too teared up and blurry. "I just want to die. I don't want to hurt anymore." the girl whispers, laying her forehead on Lily's shoulder. "I don't deserve love or happiness. I deserve to get beaten. I get off on it. Being used. It's all I'm good for, and it gives me enough money for one more day. One more day just waiting between when I can get fucked again so I can feel alive and forget everything." her hands shake, and she curls up tighter as a shiver runs through her cold, naked body. She tilts her head up, looking into Lily's eyes. "There you go. There's me. I'm the girl who got knocked up by her dad and dropped out of middle school to be a whore. I fuck anything that breathes." She lets out a sad little laugh, a wet half gasp, "because you love me and I don't deserve that."
[22:10] Lily Leveridge: [sub((Lily: icantschlicktothis.jpg))[/sub]
[22:12] Arika: (( D: ))

[22:21] Lily Leveridge: "I'm sorry," is Lily is able to say as she holds the wounded girl closer to her and tends to her with strokes and little kisses. "I'm so sorry for you, and you're the bravest person there can be for not giving up yet." Lily herself is fighting back tears as well, but they're out of sympathy, not pain.

When another eternity has passed, she can begin again. "Do you want to just try living with me for a short while? Just long enough for you to give it a try. One week living with someone else nearby, with food on the table and drinks when you need them. You won't need to do anything. We can spend each day out on the town, trying out new things." She tilts the girl's head up, and gives her the warmest smile she can manage. "Does that sound like something you'd want to try?"
[22:24] Arika has lived her entire life alone and broken, calloused inside and out. But a little dam breaks and tears start trickling out. She crawls up and presses her body against Lily's and her voice comes out small and cracking, a little painful, sad squeal as more rushes out of the dyke's cracking dike. "Y-yes..." she whimpers.
[22:33] Lily Leveridge: "Thank you. Thank you, Arika, for being brave enough to take this step." They fit together as they lie down in each others' arms; Arika's head under Lily's chin, Lily's chest fitting into the gap between Arika's bust and head, their legs tangled together. It's the closest Lily's ever been to another girl with both of them being close to orgasm.

"...Do you still want that shower?", she murmurs into the scraggly mane of red hair. "We can't lie here like this forever, as nice as it feels..."
[22:38] Arika: ((You mean without?))
[22:41] Lily Leveridge: ((Without what, sorry?))
[22:41] Lily Leveridge: ((Oh, without sex?))
[22:41] Arika: ((Without both of them being close to orgasm))
[22:41] Lily Leveridge: ((Oh shit right, derp typo))
[22:44] Arika lays entangled with Lily for a while longer, until she stops crying, and then nods. "It's raining cats and dogs..." she says quietly, finally pulling away, her arms slipping off of Lily, fingers running over her skin. She gets up and crawls over to the edge of the bed, and sits there, legs together, hands on the edge, her back bent just a little. She runs a hand through her hair, and pulls it down over her shoulder, parts of it still wet, other parts half dry from laying on the bed. "You can stay the night, if you want. I... I cook pretty well, I guess."

[22:48] Lily Leveridge: Lily waits a moment before sitting up and moving next to Arika, so try and hide the fact that she's hovering over the girl like a bodyguard. When the suggestion is done, she smiles broadly again and kisses Arika on the cheek again, before getting up and moving towards their pile of clothes. "I'd like that. I'll start getting these clothes dry, in the meantime."

Inside, she jumping for joy, but she feels she needs to play it easy for a while. Shower her in affection for now, that was probably what was going to help.