Lilly Route: Conflict: 2-14: Hurdle

She and I hug for a moment before settling back on the bench, hand in hand. "Was there anything else?"

This is the part I was most nervous about and had the most trouble thinking of a way to address. "You father talked a bit about your time in Scotland. He showed me a picture of you and your family at the castle he lives in."
Lilly sighs in slight exasperation. "He didn't call it that, did he?"
"No, he called it a keep."
She hesitates for a only a moment. "Hm, he is very particular when it comes to things like that."
"So, that must have been nice?"
She grimaces only slightly. "It was, in it's own way."
"You didn't enjoy it?"
Lilly lifts her shoulders looking noncommittal. "It was all right to begin with. It didn't matter much to me except I was with my family.  It wouldn't matter to me where. It was difficult getting used to staying in a new place, but I adapt well. Mother and Father are very neat and particular, it was not difficult in that regard. The thing that bothered me the most was the sound."
"The sound?"
Lilly's face makes an expression which speaks of distaste. "Yes, the walls echoed terribly, it made me feel quite lost and it was difficult to navigate. Sounds carried too far and it was nearly impossible to sleep. I had to wear a muffler over my ears and I haven't done that since I was very little. I also had trouble remembering where everything was to the point where Father or Mother had to take me to the places I wanted to go. It was rather taxing having to ask to be led to my bedroom or the dining room for dinner. Too many stairs for my taste as well."
"You've never had any trouble navigating them from what I've seen. I've always been amazed by how well you get around."
She smiles pleasantly at the compliment. "Thank you, Hisao, but it wasn't a problem that I had. My father has a bit of an issue regarding me and stairs and requested I always have someone to help if I had to go to another floor. It was slightly embarrassing to have to find someone every time I wanted to go up or down a level."

I bet Lilly didn't care for that more than what she's letting on. She's never taken well to people doubting her capabilities, especially from those close to her. I can't imagine how much it would offend her coming from her own father. I'm surprised she tolerated it at all. "He mentioned a library and reading room, he said you liked that. That must have been nice."
"I spent most of my time there but there wasn't much that held my interest. I believe I mentioned that Akira enjoyed the pool and beach. The garden was lovely and the library was pleasant. Many of the books were in braille but they were either too young for me or I had already read them before. Still, it was quiet and the noise wasn't so bad in there, so I enjoyed that. Mother and I had tea very often while Father was taking care of business. She needed that, everything that has happened with my aunt had taken a toll on her."

"Is your mother all right?"
Lilly grimaces sadly. "She will be, I'm sure. My aunt is doing better for now, the two of them are very close. She was horribly worried while she was ill."
"Your father said that your aunt being sick was one of the reasons your mother was so eager to have the two of you in Scotland."

Lilly nods and it's very slow and sad. "Yes. Of all the things staying in Japan with you will mean, being away from my mother is the one that hurts me the most."
"How close are the two of you?"
"Despite the distance, I would hope we are very close. We talk often over the phone and while I was in Scotland, we spent a great deal of time together, the two of us and Akira." She drops her shoulders and presents a strong face. "I do miss her, though. Sometimes I worry about her."

I put an arm around Lilly's shoulder and hold her close to me. "It's all right. I know for a fact we'll visit one day or maybe she can come here. Your father did it, so why not your mother? I'm sure the two of you will be able to spend more time together once she and your father adjust to your living here."
She nods firmly, steeling herself. "Yes, that does seem likely. I would like her to get the chance to meet you."
"Will it go better than with your father?"
"Surely. My mother is a bit of a free spirit. It's where Akira gets her rebellious streak."

I'm looking forward to that. If I get along so well with Akira, I'm sure I'll enjoy Lilly's mother and her company.

Talking about Lilly's mom though works well for me, because it's a segue into what I had been meaning to ask her all along, the thing I was most worried about bringing up. "So you said once your mother and father met because of their work?"
"Correct. Father attended a conference in Inverness and mother was there for her work as a journalist."
"It must have been tough for them to have gotten along being from such different backgrounds, your father being corporate and your mother being in the media."
Lilly smiles, nestling her head against my shoulder. "Mother said they were quite the odd couple when they first met and that they actually had very little in common. In fact, I recall one time her mentioning their first meeting ended in an argument."
"What brought them together then?"
Lilly tilts her head delicately in thought. "Mother has never specifically said what it was that caused her to fall in love with Father. I've asked her often about the two of them and she never seems to have a clear answer.  My mother can be..." Lilly pauses, trying to find the right word to use to describe her mother. "Distracted, but in a good way. She's often given into fancies. She always says that she just knew he was the one for her, that she felt it in her heart the moment they met. After their initial meeting, she described him as the perfect gentlemen and that she fell 'head over heels' for him. Her words, not mine."

"That's kind of funny, actually. I didn't think your father would be the romantic type at all."
"Oh, but he is! My mother brought that out of him. Father is a very dour person and doesn't share his feelings often, especially when others are around, but he is often very affectionate when it comes to my mother."
"It's nice to hear they get along so well. Was it hard for them being from different countries?"
"Mother didn't speak Japanese, but Father was already very well versed in English at the time so that was no difficulty for them. Father stayed in Inverness after they met during business and Mother says they spent a great deal of time getting to know each other while she showed him around the city. They married right before he returned to Japan and Mother came with him."
"They got married so soon? Your father doesn't seem that impulsive."
"No, but my mother is. She was the one who proposed to him."
"You're kidding?"
She smiles and I think she does it with a note of pride in her mother's actions "Not at all. He did indeed think she was being impulsive, but Mother said to him," Lilly sits up straight and changes her voice just subtly, I imagine in the way her mother speaks, a slight accent making her words slightly harder to understand, "'Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."

I laugh at the impression and the lilt in her voice Lilly takes on as she does it. The tiny glimpse of Lilly's mother Karla makes me aware that it could be her that she got her playfulness from, that hidden side of Lilly that's always ready to shine out from beneath the careful layers of preparation and propriety that I love so much, that side of her only a few special people get to see. "She doesn't sound like a woman who takes 'no' for an answer."
"She would never have accepted it. My mother is very persuasive, she would have dragged him to the church and down the aisle if she had too."

I see my chance and take a breath to ready myself for the uncomfortable topic. "I take it then that was difficult, with your mother being Catholic."
"Oh, it didn't bother my father at all, on the contrary, he was happy to convert for her. I recall him once mentioning that it seemed a little thing with how much they were in love."

With my impressions of Mr. Satou, I find it hard to believe that the man could ever know what romance was, but he seemed to soften considerably when the topic of Lilly's mother was brought up. I doubt Lilly's mom would lie to her about their marriage either, so I take it that Mr. Satou is very good at compartmentalizing his life, at presenting a different face depending on where he is or who he is with; a face for his wife, for his business, for Lilly and Akira and one for presumptive young men daring to go anywhere near his precious little girl. Lilly got her playfulness from Karla but her reserved and reluctance to show her true feelings may well have come from her dad.. "Your mother and father seemed to change a lot for each other; he converted, she gave up her job and moved to another country."
"She kept working part time while Akira was young, but once I was born she retired early to stay at home."
"Was it her idea or your father's to send you and Akira to a religious school?"
Lilly hesitates for just a moment before answering, her brow slightly dipping. "It was both of their decisions, they came to it together. For both Akira's upbringing and my particular needs."
"Akira didn't like it."
"...no, no, she did not."
"How did you feel about it?"
Lilly shifts uncomfortably on the bench next to me as the topic gets more and more personal. "I didn't mind it that terribly. I made many friends there and the strictness was rather a relief. There were very tight schedules and rules, often to my benefit, so it wasn't that difficult for me to adapt to Yamaku when I transferred. I'll freely admit, when I first started attending there was teasing and the other girls would play pranks on me because I was blind or foreign but Akira was around and often got into trouble trying to defend me. When I got older the teasing had stopped and by the time Akira moved on too higher grades, I became quite popular. I found more tolerance among the older girls and many of them were either foreign or part foreign, so they accepted me readily. Akira was more pleased than I was to move on to other schooling. She had trouble with the religious atmosphere, I think I mentioned that before."

"Did you have trouble with it?"

Lilly stops and turns to face me a little, putting a hand out until it rests on my own, trailing down my arm to find my fingers. "Hisao, why are you asking me these things?"

I pull at my collar a little to get some air. Even though I've been sitting down and it's been a while since I was jogging, I'm still sweating. "I just want to clear things up, that's all. Your father said some stuff that I-"
Lilly cuts me off which surprises me. "What did he say?"
"That... your family had certain customs and beliefs that I would have to learn to accept. That you had certain beliefs that I would have to accept."

Lilly is very tense next to me, tight like a band stretched to the breaking point. She has an unpleasant look on her face, like she's just received terrible news about a loved one. "He said that to you?"

I breathe a sigh to settle myself and turns to face Lilly, not daring to back down after getting this far. "I don't care what your family is like, Lilly, I know that I love you and that I'm fine with whatever it is that you think or feel. Nothing about who you are would ever bother me or make me feel uncomfortable. If your father was willing to change for your mother, then I am for you."

Lilly doesn't respond to my words, almost as if she didn't even hear them, still looking shocked and rendered speechless by what I've communicated that her father said to me. "I can't believe he would say something like that," she whispers.
"I'm not angry about it, Lilly."
"I am!"

I lean back from her outburst, shocked by her shout and outrage. She sits next to me, brittle and tense, like she could crumble at any moment. "I can't believe he would say something like that to you," she frets, her fingers tightly clasped and knuckles almost white. "It's one thing to make mention of our family's beliefs, but to imply that you would have to... change for them, that is, that is an outrageous assertion!"
"Lilly, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset because of you, Hisao. I'm upset because my father... I can't understand why he would think that was an appropriate topic of conversation for him to discuss with you!" Lilly's hands flex and tighten into tiny little balls set in her lap in impotent frustration. "He had no right to say something like that to you! That is wholly unfair and wrong of him! If he had concerns about it, he should have discussed this with me first!"

I put my hands on Lilly to calm her. I don't like seeing her this way and it's the closest I've ever seen her to outright having a mood swing. It's a hot little flash of anger, like a spark in the pan that frightens me and makes me want to put myself between her and the target of her wrath to shield her from it's influence. "Lilly, I'm not angry. Honestly, I thought you would have been more put out by me bringing it up than your father talking to me about it. Why does it make you so upset?"

She takes a huff, starting to settle down, her hands grasping mine and rubbing them as if she could smooth the feelings away from her mind and let me absorb them for her. "It's just... if I wanted to talk about my family and their beliefs, I would have wanted to do it myself, not have it delivered by him. He's far from a unbiased perspective on the matter. Please tell me he didn't offend you, did he?"
"No, I was a little intimidated though. I guess he takes it very seriously?"
"I'm sorry he put you through that, Hisao, that was unfair. Both he and my mother are very devout, but she's always been relaxed and laid back over sharing it, it's my father who is the stricter and more outspoken of the pair. When he converted for her, he took to it very seriously and it was reflected in how we were raised, it was one of the motivations for our parents to send me and Akira to a Catholic school."

"I take it Akira didn't share his appreciation of it?"
"Never. She always felt constrained and her fighting against it gave my mother and father no small amount of worry."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"

I take Lilly's hands in mine, rubbing her dainty fingers between mine, her soft hands delicate and smooth. "Your father implied you take your family's beliefs very seriously."
"Yes, when I was twelve."
"What about now?"
She turns slightly away. "I don't see what it matters now, it was an awful long time ago."
I sigh in long suffering, tolerating her continual avoidance of the topic. "I guess I would like to know if you and your family share the same beliefs and if they'll get in the way of our relationship."

Lilly turns back towards me, looking very serious and determined. "Hisao," she says in a low, controlled voice, "there is nothing in this world that could ever come between you and I. I let that happen once before and I will not do that ever again to the two of us. If something had come between us worthy of note, I would bring it up and the two of us would talk about it together to work it out. Haven't I proved to you that I'm willing to go against my family's wishes in order for us to be together?"

I squeeze her shoulder consolingly. "Yes, you have, and I trust in and feel the exact same way about you, Lilly. If there was something in my life that could get between us, I would do everything in my power to make it go away or change it so that you and I could be together and be happy. It's why I've put so much thought and work into my heart and medication, I don't want it coming between us or ruining what we have together. I just want to make sure that you're comfortable and that you won't suffer unnecessarily because of something I'm doing or your family doesn't approve of."

Lilly sighs, in both relief and to help her cool down after her outburst, delicately putting a few errant strands of hair back behind her ear. She seems to think of her next words for some time, considering them before speaking once more. "Have you ever done anything with your family you look back on and didn't really appreciate it at the time, but still love and remember fondly?"

I search my memory for such an occasion and it comes easily to mind. My answer would be apparent if Lilly could see the smile that the thought brings to my face. "Yeah, I do. My dad is a huge baseball fan, but I've never really cared about sports in my life. I would play but it was about doing an activity with friends, not about the sport or love of the game. He has a friend who works on a team in our area and he would always get tickets to games and practices to bring me to. I got bored watching the players on the field, but he and I would get the same pair of seats and sit there with our gloves all day and watch the game until it got really late. I didn't care about baseball but he and I would talk the whole time, we'd get snacks and stupid, cheap souvenirs and afterwards we'd throw a baseball around for a few minutes. I didn't like baseball but I did like spending time with my dad. I think he knew that but the point was that we spent time together, not what we did while we were doing so. He was always so busy at work, it was nice to have time with him, just the two of us."

Lilly smiles as I relate the story of my family and father, the times we shared when I was young and growing up. She looks a little wistful as she often does when I talk to her about my family and upbringing "That's what it was like when I was young. I didn't care what we did but when my family was all together, that was all that mattered to me. Being with one another, whether it was at home or at a church was all that I cared about. My mother and father were busy so often, there were few places we could share time with one another but this is something that brought us all together and that's how I choose to remember and respect it and my family's beliefs." Her hand touches the cross around her neck. "I may not take this as seriously as my father does or happen to have been raised with it like my mother or fight against it as much as Akira, but it does mean something to me. It reminds me of them and how much they love me, of the times we've had together. It reminds me of how I feel about them and of something that binds us together, that we all share in common. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess it does."
"You don't sound so sure."
"I guess I'm just relieved."
"About what?"
I shuffle a little nervously and a little ashamed. "I guess I'm just happy. I was afraid that... after what your father told me, I was afraid... that you were keeping secrets from me again."

Lilly's eyes turn just slightly misty as she holds her arms open towards me, beckoning for an embrace. I give it to her, holding her tightly and she returns it doubly hard.
"I'm sorry, Hisao. I never talked about this because it wasn't something I considered worth bringing up. It was my own personnel feelings. The last thing I would want is to make you feel awkward or offended."
I hold the embrace, tightly clinging to her. "I could never be. I understand what it means to you, Lilly."
"It doesn't bother you?"
"Not at all. I know how much you value your family and the fact that you've gone against their wishes to stay with me proves just how important I must be to you. I just want you to know that you mean just as much and the same to me. Even if it was something that may come between us, after everything you've given up for me, I should be willing to do the same for you. It would be selfish of me to do anything less."

Lilly and I embrace and hold it for a very long time, my hand gently holding the back of her head while she does the same, playing with an unruly lock of my hair affectionately.

"I would never ask you to compromise your own feelings for me, Hisao, but I appreciate the thought. Thank you for not letting this bother you," she says after some time, her voice slightly obscured into my shoulder. "Some people take these sort of things personally and it upsets them."
"Its all right. Coming from such different backgrounds, I guess we're bound to find things about how we were each raised that the other will have to learn to deal with no matter how unpleasant they might be, things we'd rather keep hidden out of embarrassment or just how strange it may be to others. After all, you already met my mother and father and they embarrass me all the time."

Lilly laughs and we both stand from the bench and make our way. "I would much rather go through meeting your parents a second time than talk about this again."
"You've never liked speaking about yourself or your personal business, so that makes sense. Still, I'm glad we could get over this. I wouldn't want such a silly thing to come between us."

Lilly pouts splendidly, her free hand once more playing absently with her necklace. "No one is perfect, but I wouldn't call it a 'silly' thing. It is important to me, it just isn't something that comes up in my day to day life. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I don't consider myself to be a strictest observer of all the customs that comes with my family's beliefs though I respect them and share them to a certain extent. Maybe that's from growing up with Akira, but I'm fairly... liberated when it comes to that sort of thing."
"The way our relationship began would have been enough to tell me that."
Lilly blushes with the memory of Hokkaido. "Like I said, no one is perfect and far be it from me to claim otherwise. I'm not one to judge."

Lilly shakes her head, her hair bouncing, as if to shake off the weight of the conversation we've just had. "So, what shall we do today?"
I pull her in skin close as we walk towards the Hakamichi house. "Well, first thing I'm going to do is take a shower."
"Alone?," she smiles
"Yes, alone. Then we'll see if there's anything safe to eat in the house, we'll dodge getting pulled into any more drama and I think we should spend the day around town, maybe do a little shopping together. I saw a little cafe where we could get some tea for lunch and altogether spend the day doing the very important business of doing nothing at all in particular."

Lilly smiles broadly at the suggestion. "That sounds like a lovely plan. You always seem to have the best ideas."
I kiss her again and we head off to the house.

I'm relieved that she and I could work this stuff out between us, but I'm troubled it became an issue at all. Mr. Satou implying Lilly was as strict as he was and shared his opinion on these topics; our relationship, her career and her family's beliefs, all worry me.

Did he just assume that Lilly would feel the same way about these things as he does? Is he that out of touch with her? How out of touch with him is Lilly? Are they still relying on the relationship they had when he was still around and Lilly was only twelve?

Or did he bring these things up hoping that they would drive a wedge between the two of us? I don't know which one it is but I hope it's neither of them. The first relies on outrageous assumptions on Mr. Satou's part and the second borders on outright attempted sabotage of the relationship me and Lilly have.

Was it on purpose?

I recall Akira telling me that her father never does anything without an ulterior motive, tiny seeds of manipulation planted with his every word.
He can doubt me all he wants but if her underestimates my love and dedication to Lilly, he'll be surprised by the fight I put up and how much I'll fight back against him.

I won't let him make me doubt Lilly, or myself, like that again.