the big rocky fuck: a sans and papyrus story

after the recent bonanza involving a handgun and a revolving hotel door, the Bros decided it was time for a good r&r&r for the week. it stands for rest & relaxation & rectification.

"or erectification if you get my gist," sans muttered as he and his brother walked into the house. papyrus hit him on the head because that was fucking dumb.

the first thing papyrus did when he reentered their humble abode was feeding the rock sitting on the table adjacent to the kitchen. it was still covered in sprinkles from the last time he had fed it; and considering that rocks live to be about 2 years old, there was ample time before they could consume it as a kind of livestock. skeletons eat rocks. that's why they're so healthy. anyway

"be careful not to overfeed it, papyrus. you gotta be delicate with those rocks."

"I KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH SUGAR A GODDAMN ROCK NEEDS, SANS. SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE YOU NEVER FEED IT YOURSELF, ANYWAY. YOU'RE NOT GETTING A CUT OF THIS ROCK, EVER."

the rock was sick of this treatment. he had been a slave to their whims, being fed nothing but sprinkles for the last few months. his storage of nutrition was running out; in his bondage, he sprouted magnificent limbs and walked out of that miserable home.

He could finally see the world with his own two stone cold eyes; he would travel the roads of ember and painstaking trials; he would learn to Love as any would; he would, in his endeavors, attain Life, feel the metaphorical blood course through his metaphorical veins.

The Rock was Out.

"SANS, THE ROCK JUST WALKED OUT OF THE HOUSE."

"oh."

"...ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FILE THAT UNDER 'LOST PETS?'"

"i... don't really care."

-----------------------------

mentally suppressing the whole fiasco, the pair took a seat in their beloved couch. it was the common consensus that if they dwelled on it for too long, they too would be sucked into its maddening cesspool of incoherent insanity. life was but a bouquet of redvines and those are not nearly as good as twizzlers. that's life man

the couch was comforting. it was a place of constant static; change was rare to come across on this very couch, as every stain was preceded by another stain and therefore overlapping in its disgust. nothing changed, and nothing was a truer form of love.

"THIS COUCH ALWAYS FEELS SO LUMPY. ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE."

"but you love it."

"BUT I LOVE IT.
...IT'S THE SOFT CRADLE OF ETERNAL AGONY."

"...yeah."

in the monotony of the TV, sans started snaking his hand up his brother's femur. honestly he did it as like a subconscious thing but papyrus took it otherwise.

with a somewhat sheepish tone, papyrus started.
"SANS, YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT. BUT I GUESS I CAN INDULGE YOU," he said, as he moved 2 straddle sans on the couch.

sans didn't know what brought this on so he was like "what" and so pap was like "WE'RE GONNA FUCK NOW. YOU NAUGHTY BOY."

"what"

"I'M GOING 2 RIDE YOU LIKE A SEASONAL RODEO CHAMPION."

"no like what"

sans was pushed down laterally onto the surface of the couch, being held in place under the weight of his brother.

sans paused for a second, because the position they were in was kind of uncomfortable.
"pap can you at least fucking move your knee it's diggin into my hipbones."

"OH OK SORRY IS THIS BETTER," papyrus asked as he moved into a pose that drove his patella into sans' goddamn pelvis.

"fuck are you fucking stupid or something that hurts more fucking move PAPYRUS"

"I'M TRYING 2 BE SEXY"

"FUCK YOU holy shit do you not know your left from your right? what are you, some kindergartner? do you not have spatial reasoning? do you need a lobotomy? god you're so stupid"

"WE DON'T EVEN HAVE BRAINS, DUMBASS"

"oh my god it was hyperbole you fucking dunce. you're so dumb. you're so dumb"

sans was really patronizing at that point so they kinda took a moment to quarrel it out.

-------------------------------

they argued for a while but the mood wasn't soured somehow because fighting is rather normal between the two.
eventually the fight died down as papyrus started grinding against his lazy fuck of a brother. he was doing all the work, really. even so, it felt nice to have his backside rubbed at.

Papyrus was rather frustrated with his brother at the moment, so he started nagging passive aggressively.
"YOU SHOULD, I DON'T KNOW, TRY TO RECIPROCATE. THEN MAYBE YOU WON'T BE SO USELESS."

"are you trying to play dominatrix right now? that's kinda sexy-"

papyrus cut him off.
"NO, YOU'RE ACTUALLY REALLY USELESS."

"oh."

and at this point papyrus kinda hurt sans' feelings and he started goin limp. his dick aint weeping but his eyes were about to smh. papyrus caught on to that and started mending the crevasse that was sans' libido.

"UH, BUT YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE... DICK? IT'S THICK IN ITS GIRTH? I LIKE HOW IT LEANS A LITTLE BIT TO THE LEFT ABOUT 3.6°? UH" papyrus was running out of compliments.

"aw..... paps. you're stroking my ego and my dick at the same time? ?question mark?"

"YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO DO. YES. AFFIRMATIVE."

while not a very vain skeleton, sans was prone to genuine(?) compliments from his brother. that got him off real quick.

now that sans' dingerdonger was a proud gesture of pure adoration, papyrus reached yonder down into his own slick petals and prepared himself on top of sans. it was like watching aphrodite come into fruition, her bosoms flowing like the ocean foams behind her shroud of shells. i mean it was pretty good.

"you're so cool," sans sighed out.

pausing for a moment, papyrus seemed to reply, "...LOVE YOU TOO."

"i was talking 2 The Rock but ok"

"HONESTLY? SAME"

plunging himself over his brother's chode, papyrus locked eyes with The Rock.

he was standing by the entrance of the house, door still slightly ajar and bringing in foreign air from the outside.

sans, starting to thrust inwards toward the cavernous heat that was papyrus' conjured innards, was tiring fast. in the absence of tangible flesh, he reached around papyrus to grab at his femurs.

sans got a lil sentimental. "you know i love u, right, paps?"

"THAT'S COOL," replied papyrus nonchalantly.

"what the fuck. i bare my heart out to u and this is what you do to me. a two-word response as heartless and cold as your personality. i can't believ"

"OH MY GOD JUST THRUST, LAZYBONES."

since they were close anyway, they carried on with their coupling.

as the dawn set and the door shut, The Rock returned to his usual spot at the table. a plate, adorned with an array of sprinkles; it was home as he'd remembered. the world was cruel and unforgiving. inside the atmosphere of the living room he was safe. inside this house he could flourish.

inside, he was truly, The Rock.

so basically he stepped outside for like 15 minutes and decided it was too cold.
and then he watched sans and papyrus fuck for like an hour. gross. bye