TIFU By Unknowingly Using A Dirty Vibrator

This happened a couple days ago but it’s still going on. Throw away account because I don’t want people knowing what a garbage person I am.

As I’m sure a lot of you know, quarantine can lead to loneliness and a ton of horniness. Thankfully I have a little pocket vibrator that does the job with ease. Since we’re in quarantine and there’s nothing to do, I’ve just been getting high pretty much all day every day because why not? And orgasms while you’re high are just fantastic.

A couple days ago I was bored and had nothing better to do so why not rub a couple out? Grabbed my trusty vibrating friend and went to town. All was fine and well until about a day or so later, my downstairs was feeling ~off~. The phrase “fire crotch” comes to mind and my goods were NOT happy. I started googling my symptoms and it sounded a lot like bacterial vaginitis. I’m no doctor and neither is google so I did the logical thing and called my doctor. I told her my symptoms and she said it’s possible I got a bacterial infection in my vagina.

My first thought was “ew”. My second thought was “Jesus Christ this is SO embarrassing” as I’m talking to my doctor. She started asking me questions trying to figure out what could have been the cause for this. And then it hit me. The last time I used it, I was really high and completely forgot to clean it. I WAS USING A DIRTY VIBRATOR. I came to the horrific realization as I was still on the phone and very reluctantly explained what happened to my doctor. She was really great about the whole thing and prescribed a vaginal antibiotic gel suppository.

This is where it gets even better. As if it wasn’t already embarrassing enough having to get this medication, it was written in bold letters “VAGINAL ANTIBACTERIAL GEL” right on the label. I was mortified picking it up. Then the time comes to use it. I thought the infection itself was bad, now my vagina is on fire and swollen. It’s so painfully itchy and uncomfortable, I had to call out of work sick during one of the three days I’m actually allowed to work. Think of the most intense itch you’ve ever had and multiply it by 10. It’s literally uncomfortable just to exist at the moment. Call my doc and find out I’m in the 2% range of people who are allergic to this medication (and I didn’t have any known allergies until now). And since it’s a gel medication inside the vagina, there’s no way to take it out and I basically have to suffer until it’s completely absorbed. So now I’m taking oral antibiotics and basically trying to not slip into madness as I try not to scratching the ever loving fuck out of my vagina.

Tl;dr: gave my vagina an infection from using a dirty vibrator that I forgot to clean while high. Found out I’m allergic to the meds my doctor prescribed and I’ve taken the term “fire crotch” to a whole new level

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