Kitteh.cs

using System;
using System.Reflection;

namespace Kittehz
{
    class Kitteh : SingletonBase, IKillable, IDisposable, IEdible, IFluffy, ITastey, IClaws, ICrusty, IComparable, IZombiable
    {
        internal enum Status : byte
        {
            Alive,
            Dead,
            Schroedingered,
            InSuperPosition //Far less perverted than it sounds
        }

        internal enum MeowTypes : byte
        {
            Angry,
            Happy,
            Horny,
            Barfing
        }

        internal enum Gender
        {
            Male,
            Female,
            Uhhhhhh,
            Shrug
        }

        internal enum Sex
        {
            Yes,
            No,
            Please,
            NotUntilAfterDrinks,
            What
        }

        internal enum SexualOrientation
        {
            Straight,
            Rainbow,
            Confused,
            SomwhereInBetween,
            Fluid
        }

        internal enum Moods
        {
            Happy,
            Angry
        }

        public Moods Mood { get{ return Moods.Angry; } }

        public Status LifeStatus { get; private set; }

        private int _lives = 9;

        public int Lives
        {
            get{ return this._lives;}
            set
            {
                if(value == 0)
                    this.Kill();
                this._lives = value;
            }
        }

        public void Kill()
        {
            //Impliments Magic

            if(this.Lives == 0)
            {
                this.Dispose(Trash.Can.AtCurb);
                return;
            }

            this.Lives--;
            this.LifeStatus = Status.Dead;
        }

        public bool IsZombie
        {
            get
            {
                return (this.Lives <= 0);
            }
        }

        public event EventHandler<MeowingEventArgs> Meowing;

        public void Meow(MeowType type, double count = Math.Epsilon)
        {
            for(int i = 0; i < count; i++)
            {
                //ToDo, murder idiot who wrote this
                //tODo fuck oFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
                // TODID LOLOLOLOL
                //this.Meow(type); // you heard me
                if (Meowing != null)
                    Meowing(this, new MeowingEventArgs());
            }
        }

        public static operator implicit(Pussy pussy)
        {
            if (this.LifeStatus == Status.Alive)
                return new Pussy() { Shaved = false};


            return new BaldPussy();
        }

        public void ExposeToRadiation(bool IsObserved)
        {
            if (!IsObserved)
                this.LifeStatus = Status.Schroedingered;
            else
                this.Lives--;
        }

        public virtual bool Eat(IEdible item)
        {
            //WARNING: BEFORE YOU EDIT THIS METHOD YOU MUST VIEW http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzgfGhqQ4KQ

            //ToDo: create user group to decide if cats can eat other cats
            // Current votes: Yes: 42 No: -88
            if (item.GetType() == this.GetType() && !Starving)
                throw new CannibalismException();
        }

        public Hairball GetHairball()
        {
        }

        public bool HaveRelations(Kitteh partner)
        {
            if(this.Name == "Bill Clinton")
                Queue.Add(Denial.SexualRelations("That Kitteh");

            if (partner is FatKitteh)
                throw new TooFatToPenetrateException();

            if(this.Sex != Sex.Yes ||
                this.Sex != Sex.Please &&
                this.SusceptibilityToRoofies < 5 ||
                !Rape.IsLegalInThisCountry(ThreadCulture.GetCurrentCulture()) &&
                !this.HasExperiementedWithAlcohol &&
                !this.IsHighAsAKite)
            {
                throw new ImAnIdiotException("Kill Me NoW!!!!");
            }

            if(this.Gender == partner.Gender && this.SexualOrientation == SexualOrientation.Straight)
                throw new RickSantorumSaysNotPermittedByTheBibleException("Hallelujah!");

        }

        public void Pet()
        {
            if ((new Random()).Next()%3 != 0)
            {
                using(Owner owner = this.GetOwner())
                {
                    this.Scratch(owner);
                }
            }
            else
            {
                if((new Random()).Next()%2929283 == 0)
                {
                    Purr();
                }
            }
        }

        public void Scratch(ICreature target)
        {
            if(target.Inventory.Contains(Weapons.Katana))
                throw new EatenByGrueException();

            this.PrepClaws();
            this.ChooseTarget(target.Eyes | target.Groin);
            try
            {
                while(!target.RenderedUseless)
                {
                    target.Attack();
                }
            }
            catch(BoredException boredEx)
            {
                this.ChooseTarget(Environment.CarboardBox);
                this.SetActivity(Clean.Self);
            }
        }
    }

    class FatKitteh : Kitteh
    {
        public override bool Eat(IEdible item)
        {
            return true;
        }

    }
}

public abstract class Hairball
{
}

public class StickyHairball : Hairball
{
}

public class OldHairball : Hairball
{
}

public class WetNastyHairball : Hairball
{
}