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- Original Author: writer_ !q4X9Fm43Dk Thu 25 Sep 2014 22:15:12 No.19888135
- >Day: Equestria
- >Location: Tuesday
- >In?: Anon
- >Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense.
- >You snarl and gnash your completely nonthreatening canines, seizing the dissertation on your new solar monarch and ripping it into a thousand pieces.
- >The sun revolves around the earth?! How is this possible!
- "SON OF A BITCH!"
- >The door behind you creaks open.
- >You round on the victim of your anger, and -
- >Immediately calm the fuck down, as a meek-looking guard palomino pokes her head in the doorway.
- >Nerd rage isn't nearly as clever or fun if there's nobody to understand it.
- >"Um... is everything alright, sir?" she asks.
- >Your mind's telling you 'no'.
- >BUT YOUR BO-DY~
- >YOUR BODY'S TELLIN' YOU YEEEES
- >Alright, enough of that.
- "I'm fine, thanks," you say, forcing a smile onto your face. "Dismissed."
- >The mare's cute muzzle scrunches a little bit at the glimmer of your teeth, but you ignore it out of habit, turning back to your desk.
- >"Um, actually, sir."
- "Mmm?" you say, drawing a new sheet of parchment from the neatly-stacked pile above your desk.
- >You dip the quill into the inkpot and begin scribbling.
- >"I have a letter for you, sir," the pegasus says curtly.
- "Ah. Just pop it by the door, will you?"
- >"...Actually, it's from the Princess."
- >Oh.
- >You pause from your writing, staring at the headboard of your desk.
- >It's probably about the complete absence of letters you've been sending her.
- >Probably a royal reprimand or something similar.
- >Who knows.
- "Alright. Just leave it on my desk, I'll read it in a dollar."
- >You blink.
- "I mean, a bit. Fuck, whatever."
- >The mare makes an unsure 'uhm'ing noise.
- >"It's, um... it's not my place to question you, sir, but I really think you should read this particular letter."
- >Her insistence is bugging you a bit.
- "Why? Does it look important?"
- >"It's, um..."
- >"Yeah, I guess."
- >"Looks like Celestia is asking you on a date, sir."
- >A loud snapping noise breaks a terribly long silence.
- >You glance down at the quill in your hand, which is now broken clean in two.
- >A nasty scrawl of ink slips off to one side of the page, ruining yet another scholarly endeavour
- >But hold the fuck up.
- "Excuse me?" you say, turning proper to Storm Lily. "What did you say?"
- >Storm Lily enters the room meekly, shutting the door quickly behind her.
- >In one hoof lies not a usual parchment scroll, but a red letter.
- >On it is embossed a faint gold heart stamped with a sun.
- >Storm Lily looks like a mess.
- >She's blushing and giggling in delight as she flutters over, depositing the letter on your desk.
- >"Wow, sir, isn't this fantastic? The Princess desires your company! What an honour!"
- >You can't quite believe what you're hearing.
- "Hold the phone. How in the what in the who now?"
- >Storm Lily, still smiling, rolls her eyes and jabs at the letter with a hoof.
- >"Just open it."
- >With two fingers, you bust through the paper with your letter-fu, retreiving the faint parchment within.
- >It glows a warm gold as you unfurl it, bathing your face and the otherwise darkened study in an almost celestial light
- >You read aloud for the benefit of Storm Lily.
- >My dearest Anonymous, I desire your presence in Canterlot this evening to dine privately with me.
- >I will send a chariot by at 6:30.
- >Yours lovingly,
- >Princess Celestia.
- >You fold the note back closed, issuing the same blank stare to the closed note as you had the headboard not a few moments ago.
- >
- >No, hang on, let's look at that again.
- >You re-open the folded letter.
- >Sparkly sparkly light glimmers around the room, scattering sunshine and rainbows and all manner of golden things ar-
- "Pfft, get real!"
- >You seize the letter in both hands and tear it down the middle.
- >There's a squealing noise from to your right, one that couldn't possibly have come from a trained guardspony like Storm Lily.
- >Nonetheless, you check up on whateverthefuck it might have been
- >The mare in question stares at you bug-eyed, her jaw slack in abject shock.
- >"Wh... wh-what did... whuh..."
- "What is this, the sixteen hundreds?" you demand of her, jabbing a finger against her barrel. "Nobody asks ANON out. I am a god-damn man, and I'm going to ask my OWN mares out."
- >Storm Lily lets out a tiny, terrified gasp, and then promptly faints into a small, twitching pile of feathers.
- >You look down at her.
- "Are you alright?"
- >The merest act of gallantry sends her into convulsions.
- >You decide to leave before you can do any more harm to the poor mare.
- >You need to go to Canterlot anyway, and talk with Celestia.
- AND THUS BEGAN THE ADVENTURES OF CHECKED PRIVILEGES: ANONYMOUS EDITION
- >Stride to the door and exit the study
- >The manor-house that has been generously granted to you is a few small paces, with guard-mares dotted here and there.
- >With your gigantic, manly strides, you quickly pace down the corridor towards the front door.
- >On the way, another one of your harem of guards exits another room, making for the door.
- >You both reach it at the same time.
- >For a second, you both share an uncomfortable moment.
- >You reach out to the doorhandle, twisting it and opening it.
- >Her deep magenta irises widen somewhat.
- >She appears simultaneously outraged and ashamed
- >Your smile widens into something short of a sadistic grin, and you bow your head slightly.
- "Ladies first."
- >The mare gasps in shock, shuddering in absolute fear at the sheer nerve of you
- >She gingerly trots beyond the doorway, and you become aware that two other house-mares are watching you from the front-gate solemnly, not daring to speak, but equally shocked.
- >The mare whom you walked through the door turns to you, stammering in shock.
- >"Th-thank you," she mumbles.
- >You smile wider, your erection now throbbing against your jeansfront.
- >"It was my privilege."
- >Exit out onto the busy Canterlot-town street, leaving a flock of stunned mares in your wake
- >With bold strides you begin to walk the fuck to the carriage rank; with the ultimate goal of claiming your mare
- >Mares left and right are noting your bizarrely bold antics, your fine-pressed suit and daring smile
- >The stallions behind them look meek and afraid, but some of them cheer at the very sight of you
- >You smile and nod your head politely at the mares as they pass you, most of whom are trying (and failing) to not notice you
- "Good morning, ladies," you say to two nobleponies.
- >Both gasp and swoon at the mere display of courtesy
- >You reach the end of the taxi-line, taking close note of the stallions shackled to carts, all of whom glance at you as you approach boldly
- >You wait patiently, until it's your turn at the top of the line
- >All of a sudden you hear the clopping of hooves and a few sharp cries
- >"Ah! Damn! Is that the last cab?"
- >You glance up to see a young, single mare looking woefully at the cab you're about to step into.
- >"Fraid' so, Miss," replies the Zebra cab driver. "I think this'm here fine gentleman wished to use it-"
- >You hold up your hand
- >The line behind you collectively holds their breath
- "Not at all. Let this young mare take my place, please."
- >The mare trembles at the realisation of what is taking place
- >With a sweep of your suited arm, you open the door and offer it to her
- >A mare in the line behind you squeals in horror
- >Humiliated, the young mare before you can think of no way to hit back against your overpowering chivalry
- >She quickly alights into the carriage as you smile arrogantly at her
- >"Thank you," she utters faintly, as you go to close the door
- >You pause in doing so, open it back up a little, and smile warmly at her
- >Lean down so that only she can hear
- "It was my privilege."
- >Decide to hoof it as future cabs aren't forthcoming
- >A glance at a greying sky makes you quicken your pace,much to the chagrin of passers by
- >With about fifteen minutes of solid walking you are about two-thirds of the way to the train station
- >When, all of a sudden, the local pegasi decide that perhaps it's time for you to catch hypothermia
- >Grey clouds scoot in, obscuring your previously warm and sunny day
- >And with almost as much warning they begin to spit rain
- >As expected, ponies on the street begin to hurry their own pace substantially
- >Not you, though
- >You are a man, unafraid or hurt by a light rain.
- >Walk the rest of the way as the rain slowly turns to a drizzle
- >You arrive at the train station just in time, and a small flash accompanied by a clap of thunder lets you know that you've barely missed the rain
- >The ponies leaving the station, however, aren't so lucky
- >You see Canterlot mares and stallions scattering hither and thither, their fancy dresses hitched up over their fetlocks so they don't get wet
- >All save one rather sheepish looking mare, who looks like she's caught out of the rain
- >she peers out at the sky, biting her lip and shivering at the cold
- >This looks like a job for you.
- >Entering into the station, you approach her, removing your jacket
- >As if in slow motion, the mare's expression slowly turns from the sky to you
- >You see the alarm in her bright green eyes, the question of 'why' forming on her lips
- >But you beat her to speaking
- "Excuse me, you look cold. Could I offer you a jacket?"
- >She stammers as you offer her the tailored suit-jacket
- >She offers no resistance as you cast it around her shoulders, but there's a horrified series of gasps from the ponies nearby
- >They nicker and chatter to one another as you skullfuck the matriarchy
- >And before the mare can respond, you lean down close and whisper in her ear
- "No need to thank me. It was my privilege."
- >Canterlot Castle station is just a short stride away
- >You attempted to offer your seat to a filly on the way over
- >You could practically hear the matriarchy crying out in despair as you savagely defiled it with your firm, strong masculinity
- >Now jacketless - but not vest-less - you alight from the train, leaving a trail of nervous stallions and outraged mares in your wake
- >The drawbridge to Canterlot Castle lowers for you as you stride up the mountainside, simply not giving a fuck
- >As you cross the drawbridge you note that the guards either side of the portcullis are stallions
- >Both are smiling at you, with tears in their eyes
- >Wave jovially to them and walk on as they begin to weep, finally realising that they are free from their oppression
- >Walk to Celestia's throne room, ignoring the shocked stares of the sight of an unescorted male in the house of the two princesses
- >Reach the golden double doors
- >There's a sharp intake of breath from the stallions either side of the door, who think you're about to do something unthinkable
- >Knock, knock, knock
- >One of them shivers and moans at the sheer ecstasy of being freed
- >"Enter," demands a calm, motherly voice
- >You do so at your Princess's command.
- >The throne room is not so packed today, you note
- >The upper galleries are all but empty of the snobbiest and richest of nobles
- >The Princess holds court, though from where she sits on her golden throne, she seems to almost be on the same level as her little ponies
- >But you know better then that
- >You wind up your gallantry
- >Celestia sees you coming, and immediately she sits upright in surprise.
- >"Oh, my! Anonymous! What a pleasant surprise it is to see you here! I - " You see her fumble for her words as you do not break in your stride. "Did you... get my, uh, my letter?"
- "Absolutely, your highness."
- >You come to a stop just a few short paces away from her - much closer then any other pony in her court would usually go.
- "I just thought it was rather... antiquated."
- >"Antiquated?" she repeats, her voice still firm, but without some of its usual warmth. "Whatever do you mean, my dear Anonymous?"
- "Come now, Celestia," you say with a warm smile. "I think you know all too well. It's the modern age of ponies..." your shit-eating grin spreads from ear to ear. "Surely a man can ask out a mare in this day and age."
- >There's a series of gasps from around the court
- >Celestia's bright magenta eyes bounce around in alarm.
- >"A-anon, if we might have such a conversation later..."
- "Oh, there's no conversation to be had, my dear," You say, taking a few bold strides forward till you stand before her. "I was just wondering if you would like to accompany me to dinner this evening - say around six-thirty?"
- >The words have scarcely left your mouth then a chorus of terrified screams fills the court
- >Mares everywhere begin to scatter in fear at the very suggestion that a stallion could do such a thing
- >The stallions watch on, confused, but eager to know more of your conquest
- >Princess Celestia's wings flitter uncomfortably.
- >"W-well, of course," she says. "I would love to, Anonymous. But wouldn't it be better if I asked y-"
- "Say no more," you say, holding up a hand to assert your dominance.
- >The sheer manliness of your words cowers the Princess, and she shrinks a little.
- >"Oh! Oh, well, um... That's fine, I suppose."
- "And another thing," you say, your shiteating grin so wide you can hardly speak.
- >She looks up at you with pleading eyes, begging you not to take this any further
- >But you can't help yourself
- >Your dick throbs in excitement
- >You lean down, taking Celestia's gilded forehoof in a hand, and kiss it gently.
- >The hall explodes into screams
- >A veritable riot begins inside the castle
- >It erupts into full blown and widespread panic, leaving thousands of mares hot and bothered
- >Stallyns everywhere stand up tall and proud, throwing off their chains
- >It is a good day to have a cock in horseland
- fin
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