Scars of the Past

>For that split moment she was back in the pain.
>Back in hell.
>She could feel her entire body tingling with pain as if she had been lit ablaze.
>A loud pounding her her skull let off as if someone struck her with a hammer.
>She could sense a loud ringing in her ears of the ghosts of taunting screams.
>They were phantoms of pains she once knew.
>She knew this, and yet, it was still as real as ever.
>As tears began to stain her cheeks she brought her hands up to either side of her head, grasping it.
>She let out a loud howl of pain.
>Calling out to whoever, whatever, was willing to hear her.
>Her hopelessness began seeping back and it was as if she never left the void.
>That is, till she was pulled out of her episode by a familiar voice.
"Monika?"
>All at once the sensations died down.
>She found herself lying on the ground surrounded by shards of broken glass.
>Dried tears stained her pale cheeks.
>Her chest moved up and down as she heaved, attempting to regain her breath.
>Her head moved up, catching a glimpse of you by the doorway.
>Her lips quivered, growing ashamed of what she had been reduced to.
>"Anon?"
"Jesus, Moni, are you alright? You hurt?"
>You quickly move over, helping her off the ground.
>Her green eyes diverted away from you.
>The PTSD was getting worse.
>Every night now she'd have an episode.
>Every loud noise reminding her of what she dragged herself out of.
>And just like always, there you were, to pull her out.
>Just like always
>After everything she'd done he was still there to try and save her from the fires.
>She could feel her eyes well up again.
>She wasn't worth it and she knew it.
>She just buried her head into her chest, weeping into you.
>She began to speak through her pants for air
>"I'm sorry, okay?!? You probably use to do lots of cool things and I-"
>You placed your thumb on her chin, gently pointing her head up to you.
"Moni, calm down..."
>You glanced to the shards of broken glass on the ground, figuring another episode must have been triggered from her dropping it.
>You heave a deep sigh, holding up your index finger to her.
"Hang on."
>You moved away from her, walking to the cabinet.
"I got you something for your birthday."
>Monika wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, sniffling a bit.
>"Birthday? Anon, it's not till a while."
>You pull from the cabinet a box wrapped in green paper
"Yeah, well, now's a good of a time as any."
>You hold the box out to her regardless of the date, adding in a cheerful.
"Happy birthday!"
>She paused for a moment, slowly reaching out for the box.
>She takes it from your grasp and begins to undo the paper wrapped around it.
>A pair of head phones?
>You tap your finger on the box, commenting.
"Protective gear. Pilots use it. Pretty much blocks out most sounds."
>You followed this up by scratching the back of your neck.
"You said you wanted to see the world and I still want to give you that. Figured this was our safest bet."
>She blinked a few moments, unsure of what to say.
>"Anon I-"
>You stop her, pulling the box from her hand.
"Here."
>You opened it up and pull the headset.
>You pulled back after placing it on either side of her head.
"Okay, what about now?"
>She simply stared, only seeing your lips move but hearing nothing from it.
>In a fluid motion she thrusts herself forward, wrapping her arms around you into a tight hug.
>"Please don't ever leave me."
>You were taken back by the sudden action, but you wrapped your arms around her too, lightly brushing her hair with your fingers.
"I promise I wont. Not again."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>You've been eager to test the new headphones with Monika
>Of course, it worked for some small stuff, but what about hardcore things?
>Could you finally live the life Monika wanted to have with you?
>Tonight would be the night to find out.
>You eagerly counted down the days till there would be a storm.
>She usually couldn't stand thunder storms.
>Too many triggers for her PTSD
>She use to love them and particularly wanted to experience it with you.
>Cozying up on the couch to the pitter patter of rain.
>It was something you could never do with her sadly.
>But maybe that could change.
>The entire ride up Monika had her headphones on.
>You could by how cold her hands were she was nervous as she held onto your right hand while your drove
>Slight tremor could be felt in her fingers that would tap away on your hand nervously.
>Her green eyes stared out the window distantly with heavily breathing through the nostrils.
>It was almost as if she was on death row at that very moment.
>You finally reached the spot.
>A romantic view you wanted to show your dear wife.
>The pier along the beach.
>You exit the car with her, walking along the wooden platform.
>Her grasp on your hand tightened as you walked out deeper.
>Slight, cold drops of rain could be felt on your skin as nature showed your both.
>Once on the end of the dock, you turned to face your wife, pointing her face directly at yours.
>You didn't want to give her any indication that it was coming.
>You just wanted to focus on her.
>And finally.
>For once.
>Just enjoy the scenery with her.
>After a long while of waiting a loud.
KA-KOOM
>Could be heard.
>But she was still.
>Her expressions remaining the same as always.
>It was your turn for your breaths to grow shaky.
>Eyes began to water up and turn red from the salty tears.
"OH MY GOD!"
>Was all you could force out as you pulled her close to you, wrapping your arms around her frame into a tight hug.
>At first, Monika looked confused, but as she figured out what was going on she wrapped her arms around you too, bouncing up and down slightly.
>"D-Did we do it, Anon?!?"
>You pull away.
>Forefinger and thumb pinching her chin and pointing her face upwards.
"Yes, Monika, we did."
>She couldn't hear your response, but she could tell it was good.
>You both slowly crane your heads closer together.
>Ready for your lips to interlock with one another.
>Your lips were inches from each other.
>You smelling her strawberry scented breath.
>Her smelling your coffee scented breath.
>And then...
>There was a flash.
>Her pupils dilated and rolled back a bit.
>Her mind raced back to that terrible place.
>She could feel hellfires burning away her flesh and the terrible sounds screaming away in her eardrums.
>All she could do is let out tormented scream and collapse, twitching on the ground.
>You look in horror.
>What you thought was your wife's moment of peace was suddenly ripped away from both of you.
"MONIKA??! MONIKA IT'S ALRIGHT!"
>You try to scream, shaking her as she laid twitching on the ground.
>Sadly, she couldn't hear because of the headphones blocking out the sound.
>A blessing and curse.
>You scoop her up into your arms, running back to your car as fast as your legs could carry you.
>Eventually you sit her down on the passenger side.
>Crawling into the driver's seat.
"MONIKA!"
>You continued to call as she continuously sat there, twitching and screaming like a newborn child.
>You lift one end of the headphone.
>Caressing her cheek with the thumb of your other hand affectionately as you spoke.
"Monika, it's alright. I'm here."
>Eventually the screams would start to die down as you lowered the headphones again.
>She looked over to you.
>Tears staining her eyes.
>Breath shaky as she still tried to recover being pulled out of that terrible place again.
>Her hand touched yours, lightly rubbing it against her cheek.
>Before you could say another word she dove into your chest.
>Hugging you tight while burying her face into you.
>You wanted to say something, but you couldn't find the words.
>You just hug her back and lower your head.
>Letting tears of your own break through your eyelids.
>There was no sounds in that car except the ones of you both weeping into each other.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>Monika just sat on the couch.
>Empty stare at the TV.
>It wasn't on.
>Sometimes the static when flipping channels was too much for her PTSD.
>She just stared at the black screen.
>Empty.
>Lifeless.
>She did her best to hold back tears.
>Why?
>Why was she like this?
>The headphones laid on the table in front of her.
>Disgusting thing.
>Useless piece of crap.
>Her attention was drawn away from the television by your voice.
"Hey, Moni?"
>You questioned, making your way to the kitchen.
>She blinked her green eyes a couple times before looking over with a questioning look taking her visage.
"What do you want today? I'm thinking spaghetti."
>You said as you opened the cabinet to take a look inside.
>Monika was awe struck.
>How?
>How could you remain so calm after what happened earlier?
>That was always it wasn't it?
>Even when she was back in her prison.
>You were strong and she wasn't.
>Though she could see through the tough exterior.
>Clearly you were as miserable as her.
>Right?
>Clearly you wanted it as bad as her.
>Right?
>Clearly you longed to be able to take long walks on the beach with her while your fingers were interlocked, sweat building on each of your palms.
>Clearly you wanted to feel the sensations of a long walk as a thunder storm comes in and feel the cool water grace your face as it falls from the heavens.
>Clearly you wanted to share a kiss on New Years as fire works exploded in the background in a colorful and fiery array.
>Right?
>God she must have been an inconvenience...
>She was sucking your life away
>It was so hard.
>So hard to keep the tears from overtaking her green orbs.
"Monika?"
>You inquire, not hearing a response.
>You turn, seeing the sorrowful look on her features.
>With a furrowed brow you moved over, taking a seat besides her.
"Monika, what's up?"
>"Why?"
>She simply asked in response to the question.
"Huh?"
>"Why aren't you mad at me?!?"
>You were taken back slightly.
>Your head lightly shook from side to side in a bit of disbelief what you were hearing.
"Is this about earlier?"
>"YES ANON! Of course it's about fucking earlier! Get pissed already! I'm no good! I'm ruining your dream relationship! I'm dragging you down with me!"
>You were at a loss of words.
>How could she say that about herself?
>You just let up a light smile before rising to your feet.
"Grab the headphones, I want to take you somewhere."
>"DON'T YOU GET IT?!? The damn things don't work! You can't be happy with me!"
>He turn around, sitting again before taking her hands in your own.
>Your thumb ran across the back of her hand in circles as if petting her to calm her.
>Your eyes lock and you shoot her a gaze as if telling her that everything will be alright so long as you're here.
"Just trust me okay?"
>You rise again, moving to the front door as you reached for your keys.
"It'll be fun!"
>She was quiet.
>What were you planning?
>Figuring you always knew best she took the headphones and started to follow after.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>You told Monika to keep her eyes closed the entire trip.
>Though confused she did as she was told, headphones still strapped around her ears.
>The car pulled up to the location.
>You give a smile at the sight of it.
>This is it.
>This'll show her.
>You take her hand and escort her out of the car, keeping a hand over her eyes.
>Eventually, after a short while of walking, you two sit down to rest.
>You remove your hand and allow her to see.
>With the rain having cleared up earlier she was introduced to the sight of of a beautiful park.
>The sweet smells that lingered in the grass after the rain tickled her nose.
>The bright sun shining down on them all, warmth covering her like a blanket.
>Tons of children were seen running around, kicking a soccer ball back and forth between one another.
>Usually she'd have a panic attack from the screaming.
>But this time?
>This time that was gone.
>You tore the screams away from her and protected you from them with your gift.
>The headphones worked!
>They didn't work all the time...
>But they worked!
"Isn't it great? We can finally go out and see the world, Monika."
...
>You go silent for a moment, waiting for a response.
"Moni- Oh."
>You turn to face your wife, who was completely oblivious to you talking.
>You chuckle to yourself, leaning back a bit in the bench.
>You've really outta learn some sign language if you want to overcome this barrier.
>You hear her sniffle.
>Tears start to well up in the bottom of her eye lids, clouding her vision.
>It was beautiful.
>So beautiful.
>The real world was magnificent.
>Eventually a stray soccer ball would start to roll Monika's way.
>She just stared down at it for a moment.
>Green eyes glancing from the orb to the children in the distance.
>With a wide grin on her face she stood up, kicking up the ball.
>She juggled it with her foot for a moment, bouncing it up and down in the air before finally striking it over to the group of children.
>Their wide grins and huffing in and out of air told Monika of their laughter.
>It told them of their fun.
>Of them enjoying life.
>She like she was right now.
>For possibly the first time.
>She sat down, throwing herself into you.
"Whoa there!"
>You call out, taken off guard.
>Eventually you maneuver your hands around her, squeezing her into a hug.
"I love you Monika."
>She pulled away, wiping a sweet tear away from her cheek.
>She didn't have to hear what you said to know what you communicated.
>All she did was nod her head happily in response.
>Though, her moment of happiness would soon be interrupted.
>She could see something out of the corner of her eye.
>Figures?
>She turned her head lightly, seeing a group of woman giggling to themselves, exchanging looks to her before laughing.
>Monika raised a hand, feeling the headphones.
>....
>She was still a freak.
>A freak who could walk outside, but a freak none the less....
>She perked her head up, back suddenly straightening as a hand took hold of her's.
>You rub your thumb over the top of her hand as you enjoy the view.
>She just turns you and lays a sweet smile.
>At least if she was a freak...she was your freak.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>The eyelids of your wife slowly flicker open, revealing her beautiful, emerald green hues.
>She took a moment to look around the room.
>The other half of the bed was empty.
>Where did you go?
>Her eyes pointed towards the East window.
>Sun was rising.
>What were you doing up so early?
>She could hear your voice in the distance.
"I- I just don't know."
>You said.
>She slowly throws the blanket off of her, inching closer to the door that was slightly hinged open.
>You're....talking to someone?
>A woman?
"I mean, I use to love her. I really did."
>You look down, fidgeting your feet.
"Back when I actually believed I could have a life with her."
>Monika covered her mouth to prevent herself from gaspin.
>You weren't...
>No!
>You'd never!
>You were always so good to her!
>The woman traced a hand up your arm, laying her hand on your shoulder.
>"You deserve to be happy too, anon."
"I know, but-"
>She suddenly grasped your chin, pointing your face to her's.
>"No buts. You deserve happiness, anon. True happiness. Not her."
>She pushed herself closer to you.
>Her chest pressing into yours
>"You deserve me..."
>Your heads began to inch closer.
>Monika watched in horror as your lips locked, calling out.
>"NO!"
>The computer in the back of the room suddenly turned on, as if responding to her voice.
>A terrible...Terrible screeching sound came from it.
01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100101 01110011 01100011 01100001 01110000 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111
>"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
>A giant, boney hand began to reach out of the screen, pushing its way towards her.
>"I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME!"
>She shouted, grabbing hold of the nearest lap and trying to smash it against the hand.
>The glass shattered, but the hand didn't stop.
01000001 01100110 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01100101
>"ANON, HELP ME!"
>She called out in desperation, her tear covered eyes now pointing to the opened door.
>You didn't even flinch, just continued talking to your new love.
01010100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100111 01100100 00100000 01100001 01100011 01110100 01110101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100111 01110010 01100001 01101101
>The boney hand grabbed a hold of her ankle, dragging her back into the screen.
>"NO! PLEASE!"
>She started to claw at the floor to try and keep herself from being dragged off.
>"I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM HIM!"
>Everything went white.
>Then blue
>Then red
>Then green
>ThenYellowThenPurpleThenBlackThenOrange
>An arrangement of colors flashing before her eyes.
>Her body began phasing in and out, glitching so to speak.
>It felt terrible.
>Like every molecule from her body was slowly and methodically being pulled apart.
>As if someone were tearing her limbs off slowly one by one, only to put it all together again to go for another round.
>Then there was the screeching sounds.
>Oh God the screeching sounds.
>A symphony of nonsense.
>As if she were hearing every sound imaginable at once cranked to full volume in her head.
>The that coursed through her head from it all was like someone striking the top of her cranium with a hammer.
>And in it all she could only think of one name.
>"Anon...."
"Monika?!?"
"Monika, get up!"
>Monika was suddenly jolted awake, panting hard.
>Her body was soaked in sweat and her chest just kept pumping in and out as he kept trying to fill her lungs up with air.
>She looked over to you.
"Are you alri-"
>You couldn't even finish your question.
>She just charged into you.
>Pressing her face into your chest and weeping as her arms wrapped around.
>"Please don't leave me, Anon. Please. I'm sorry I'm such a shitty girlfriend, I do my best I promise, just please don't ever leave me!"
>She practically balling like a child.
"Monika, where did this all come from."
>You pat her back as you hug her back.
"I would never leave you."
>You let in a deep sigh.
"You had another nightmare again?"
>She just nodded, still hugging you.
>Things were getting out of hand.
>Maybe it was time....
"Monika...I think it's time for you to go into a support group."
>She just looked up at your, tears streaming down her cheeks.
>You could tell what she was thinking.
>And it wasn't true!
>It's not just some attempt to hand off his responsibility to her to someone else.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with support groups..."
>You bright your hand up, cupping her cheek.
>Your thumb wiped away the tears.
"You don't have to bring up the game. But, you know, just get into contact with other people who have PTSD. Learn you're not alone."
>She just kept looking up at you.
>Completely in shock.
>You shake your head.
>You were being dumb.
"Look, sorry. I shouldn't bring this up now. Let's just...Relax."
>You pull her in close, wrapping your arms around her into a hug again.
"I love you Monika..."
>"I love you too, Anon."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>Monika hesitantly looked around.
>All these people.
>Coming together.
>And they were all broken.
>All like her.
>Her grip on your hand tightened.
>You just turn, shooting her a reassuring smile, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to hear if you said anything.
>Eventually a man with one arm came to the center of the room, calling everyone's attention.
>"Alright, we're about to start, so if you all could gather around."
>You pull on your wife's hand, bringing her to the circle to rest.
>The one armed man speaks up.
>"Now, I want y'all to welcome our new guests, Anon and Monika. Why don't you two introduce yourself."
>You stand, leaving Monika staring up at you rather confused.
"Hey, I'm Anon. I'm not really anything special. I'm just here for my wife. She has attacks triggered by loud noises and flashes of light, so I'd kindly ask for you to keep your volumes down with her."
>You crouch over to her, gripping either side of her headphones and pulled them off.
"Go on and talk to them."
>You softly say before sitting down.
>Monika stands up, looking at all the wandering eyes trained on her.
>There was a time where she thought these looks would never unnerve her.
>But after everything she's been through.
>It felt like daggers piercing into her soul.
>"Hello there. My name is Monika. I use to be pretty on top of things. Actually, excelled at most things. But after, well.....ahahaha~"
>She awkwardly laughed.
>"After some things happened to me I freak out pretty easy."
>She looked down, almost as if she were ashamed to admit it.
>The one armed man just waved his hand, motioning for her to sit down before speaking.
>"It's alright if you don't wanna talk about it. Everyone heals at their own pace."
>He looked through his notes on his clipboard.
>"Why don't we go around and talk about our experiences. Make the new girl feel welcome."
>A girl soon arose from her seat.
>Her hands holding onto the long pink sleeves of her hoodie, clearly uncomfortable with her surroundings.
>"Hi, my name is Deirdre. I didn't have a dad growing up and didn't exactly have many friends. When I was twelve I started using the internet to try and connect with other people. I went to a forum about one of my favorite TV shows and found a lot of grown ups talking about it. I thought it was kinda cool that adults liked kid things and even talked more about it than the kids at school. I met this one guy on there, Gabriel. He showed me how the website worked and would make sure to talk to me every time I came hold from school. It felt nice to have someone finally look out for me for once. We've been talking to each other for months and it came to the point where he said he'd be coming to the state I lived soon. We agreed to meet at the park and he offered me a ride home after wars. He took the car to the back of a hotel and. He, well..."
>She just stared off into the distance, almost as if mesmerized by the experience.
>"Someone staying there noticed a van shaking weird in the back so they called the police. I was rescued, but damage was done. It's ruined all my relationships. Every time I meet a guy and start getting intimate with him I see Gabriel's face. His strong, forceful arms. His rough motions. His lustful smile. I'm going to die alone and it's all because of him..."
>Monika's previously scared expression shifted.
>It was now one of sorrow.
>To share her experiences like that...It was powerful.
>Next stood a man with a deformed face.
>Flesh folding in on itself.
>"Hey, name's Brenton, but my buddies call be Brent. I was six when my mamma was taking me to the doctor's office. She told me to wear my seatbelt and I didn't feel like listenin'. Truck driver was havin' one too many that day and tried to run the intersection. Done smashed right into my mom's car and I was sent flying through the window. Put in intensive care, nearly died in the hospital. When I got back and went to school all my friends started callin' me a monster. They use to say all kinds of things. My face looked like King Tut's ass. I'm so ugly my face tried to escape my body. I look like a rotting prune. You got use to it real quick. What you don't get use to is the memory though. I can't so much as step foot in a car. You ever try finding a job without using an automobile or a bus? It ain't easy. But I keep tryin'."
>This one was also admirable.
>To have no concern for what people around you think.
>To always push yourself forward.
>He was brave.
>The next to stand was a man in an army jacket.
>Shave head and a mile long stare.
>"Hello, everyone. My name's Mallory. I always looked up to my older brother. He was only one year older than me, but he was still always my hero. Whenever kids picked on me he always stood up to them. Whenever I was in trouble he always took the blame for me. Whenever I had issues with something he'd be right there to help me. So, when he wanted to join the army I did too. We were both in Iraq and there was a landmine. It's not a pretty death. You're left a broken corpse. A twitching mess with your body parts blown off. In that moment. In that sudden back. My brother was gone. The entire history we spent together and memories we made erased. I'm always on edge. I can't stand being late for things. I get twitchy. I can't stand when people don't take things seriously and often lash out in fits of rage. Until one time I took it too far. I was having an attack and turned around to strike my wife. I went to jail and she divorced. I'm sick and I need help."
>This one shocked Monika.
>To hit someone you loved like that?!?
>She'd never do something like that in an attack.
>Her face turned, looking at you.
>......Right?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>She was finally getting comfortable in her surroundings.
>Monika didn't even have to come into the meetings with you anymore.
>She got to a point where she was perfectly comfortable with you dropping her off and her coming in on her own.
>Monika just sat, waiting as the line went around to talk about their lives, how they were dealing with their disorder.
>Deirdre was standing up, addressing the room.
>"So, I got into a fight with my boyfriend the other day..."
>She looked down for a moment, fidgeting her feet while still tugging at her sleeves.
>"Well, ex-boyfriend. We've been together for about a month and I wanted to finally get more personal with him. He's been begging me for months and I REALLY like this guy. And I figured I could finally get over this obsession. But when we came back to my place I just- I kept seeing HIS face. And I told him he had to leave..."
>Tears began to well up in her eyes as the gaze remained fixated on the ground.
>"He- he started to call me a tease and called me a butch lesbian..."
>She sniffled a bit as she brought her sleeve up to wipe away some tears from her cheeks.
>Monika placed a hand on her back, rubbing it lightly.
>"It's alright."
>She tried to reassure.
>"It's not your fault. And if he's that much of a dick he isn't worth it."
>Though a terrible thing to be hearing, it really did put Monika's life in perspective.
>She really was lucky to have someone like you.
>Someone who was there for her.
>Someone who was caring.
>Someone who was kind.
>The one armed man simply nodded his head, adding.
>"That was very brave of you to share. Monika, why don't you start telling us about how you've been."
>Monika gave a nod, standing up in front of her new group of friends.
>"Hello everyone. My week's been pretty okay. Well, mostly.."
>She raised a finger as she spoke, looking off to the side.
>"I can tell Anon really wants to go out and do stuff with me. Go for walks, to the beach, whatever. But whenever I'm getting ready I just sometimes get scared about the world outside. I mean, he doesn't say anything, but I've been with him long enough to be able to read his features. I can really tell it hurts him on some level and it makes me feel terrible."
>Mallory spoke up, eyes fixated on Monika.
>"It sounds like you're trying to project your insecurities on Anon. There's really no way you can tell he's feeling this unless you come outright and ask. I'd try to be more open about your feelings and if it helps find more indoor activities to do.
>Monika's hands lowered to her side, gripping at her skirt.
>Her hands tightened till the whites of her knuckles could be seen on her hand.
>How dare someone like him tell her about her relationship.
>...
>No, that wasn't fair.
>It's not like he was in full control.
>More a victim of situation.
>Something she clearly understood.
>But then why was she so uncomfortable around him?
>Why did his presence make her skin crawl.
>No, this wasn't hatred.
>It was a different feeling.
>A familiar one.
>The same feeling she got when she was in the computer and didn't know if you were okay.
>The same feeling she got when she thought her headphones would fall off.
>The same feelings she gets every day when she wakes up and is worried you might leave.
>No, this feeling was fear.
>Fear of becoming like him and hurting you.
>But that was ludicrous.
>She slowly unclenched her hand, allowing herself to a moment to breath.
>A smile was flashed at Mallory before she nodded her head and began to sit back down.
>"Thank you, Mallory. I'll make sure to look into it."
>And with that she sat down, waiting for the next to go.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>Her life was getting better finally.
>Even the rain outside wasn't bothering her.
>Was it finally turning around?
>Was her life finally getting back to normal?
>Monika just smiled as her emerald green hues stared out the window, watching the droplets of water race to the window sill.
>The sizzling sound of eggs on the pan was therapeutic, something she'd never use to describe them before.
>The smell they gave was only an added bonus to pull the entire sensation all together.
>Could she dare say she conquered the terrible attacks?
>Faced her fears?
>Came out on top?
>Light quickly shot across the sky.
>Monika's hands clenched on her pants.
>Eyes slowly moved over to the headphones on the counter.
>Just a reach away...
>No!
>She had to do this!
>She had to conquer this!
>For you!
THUM THOOM!
>A thunderous roar ran across the sky.
>"No."
>Was all she said.
>She bit down on her lips, doing her best to focus on this moment.
>To focus on reality.
>Blood started to drip from where her teeth were biting down as her jaw clenched.
>"I can..."
>Another flash of light.
>"I can do-"
THUM THOOM!
>Breathing grew erratic before Monika turned her head up and let out a scream.
>You were in the other room when you heard the cry.
>With the thunder accompanying it, you could tell what had happened.
>You quickly rush into the room, pushing down the door to find your wife hurling plates onto the floor as she started to scream your name.
"Monika! It's alright, I'm here!"
>You place one hand on her shoulder, trying to rub it so she'll relax.
>Sadly, this time it didn't seem to work.

>She turned and in a single motion slammed the plate into your face.
>The plate cracked into several pieces, embedding the scraps into your cheek as you were knocked off your balance.
>You fall back onto the wall, head caving in a hole where you made impact.
>You let out a pained call, hand moving over the cheek now having red run down it.
>It was at this point she was snapped out of her attack.
>Not by your soothing voice, but from your calls of pain.
>"O-Oh my God, Anon, I-"
>Her hands moved over her mouth.
>"Oh my God, no."
>Pools of salty tears started to well up on the bottom of her eye lids.
>"I didn't mean to, I swear to God I didn't mean to-"
>This was it, everything she feared.
>She became him.
>She became Mallory.
>You were left groaning, holding your head.
>She looked over to the headphones, tears streaming down her face.
>"...I'm so sorry."
>Was all she said before grabbing the headphones and breaking into a run, hiding her face from you out of shame.
"The hell?"
>Was all you said, watching her do this.
>You put a hand on the wall, trying to force yourself up.
"MONIKA WAIT!"
>You shout out before you can hear the front door slam shut.
>Rain poured down on Monika
>Headphones pressed against her ears to block out its sound.
>How could she do that to you?
>You who saved her from that terrible place?
>You who gave her life meaning?
>You who protected her?
>She held you back.
>She made your life miserable
>And now she has the nerve to assault you?!?
>She kept walking till her feet finally stepped onto a bridge.
>She should have done what she wanted to those years ago.
>She should end the pain.
>After all.
>There's always a way to delete yourself.
>She put one hand onto the rails, climbing up it.
>Arms were stretched out, ready to lean forwards and allow gravity to make quick work of her.
>Then there was a sudden tugging on her arm.
>Her head perked up and shot around to find someone tugging on it.
>It was you?!?
>"A-Anon?!?"
"ARE YOU INSANE?!?"
>You shout at her, despite her inability to hear you.
>Though, despite her restriction of hearing, she could clearly tell what you were shouting.
>Her gaze looked away from you, ashamed of herself.
>"You're better off without me. You deserve a normal life."
>Your face grew red.
>Tears began to well up in your eyes, blurring your vision of her beautiful features.
"I DON'T WANT A FUCKING A NORMAL LIFE! WHAT DON'T YOU GET ABOUT THAT?!? I want you. And I'd more than willingly put up with this stuff to make sure you're happy and safe. Hell, I'd take thousands of plates to the face if that's what it meant!"
>Eventually you broke.
>The tears pushed their way passed your eyelids and began to race down your cheek.
"I want to wake up every morning to see you besides me. I want to pull you close and feel your warmth. I want you in my life because a life without you isn't a life worth living. Can't you see that?"
>Your comments were met with empty stares from your love.
>In your emotional stress you failed to realize she still had her headphones on.
>There was one thing though.
>One language that could be spoken without word of mouth.
>You just fall over on top of her and wrap your arms around her.
>You let your warm tears stain her clothes as you just cry into her.
"Please, Monika.....Please don't leave.."
>Her lips quiver.
>Breath growing shakey
>Eventually she leans into you too, exchanging her tears in turn for yours.
>"I'm sorry, Anon. I'm so so sorry..."
>And there you two stood.
>Shrouded in the silvery light of the moon.
>Tears washed away from the water coming from the sky, yet still ever present.
>Two lovers holding each other close, promising never to abandon the other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHuko5BCFzA
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
CRASH
>For that split moment she was back in the pain.
>Back in hell.
>She could feel her entire body tingling with pain as if she had been lit ablaze.
>A loud pounding her her skull let off as if someone struck her with a hammer.
>She could sense a loud ringing in her ears of the ghosts of taunting screams.
>They were phantoms of pains she once knew.
>She knew this, and yet, it was still as real as ever.
>Monika breathed in and out, grasping onto the counter, trying to calm herself.
>You begin to move into the kitchen, seeing here there in the midst of her panic attack.
>You quickly run over, dropping the book you had in your hand.
"Monika?!?"
>She remained silent, holding out her palm to you.
>She breathed in and out
>In and out
>In and out.
>She turned around to face you, letting up a smile.
>"I-it's okay, anon. This one wasn't all that bad, Ahaha~."
>You smile in response.
>You couldn't believe it was a whole year since she started seeing that support group, but it really seemed to be working.
"It's almost four, you ready to go?"
>You ask her.
>Monika nods, reaching for her headphones on the counter.
>"I wouldn't want to leave them waiting."
>You grab your keys behind her, planting a kiss on her head as you leaned in for them.
"I'm so proud of you, Monika."
>She just stared up at you, smiling a wide grin from ear to ear.
>"I love you, Anon."
"I love you too Monika."
>You start to move to the front door.
"Now come on."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>After being dropped off Monika made her way through the familiar halls that lead to the support group.
>Entering the room she smiling to every, nodding and greeting them with a smile.
>As the meeting was called together everyone moved towards their seats.
>But not Monika...
>She moved towards the seat in the center, clipboard in hand.
>"Okay everyone! We're expecting a new member today, so please be on your best behaviors. Why don't we start by going down the circle and seeing how everyone's been so far this week."
>She never did like feeling uninvolved in something.
>And now she can help people the same way the group helped her.
>It took her a while to realize, but her illness was much like life.
>You can never get rid of how terrible it is, but you can learn to accept that it's part of your life.
>And once you do that, it begins to become far more bearable.
THE END