Identity Crisis (Anon X Pinkie Pie)

Sep 30th, 2015
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  1. /////////////////
  2. Table of Contents
  3. /////////////////
  5. Part 1 - #erik
  6. Part 2 - #pone
  7. Part 3 - #memr
  8. Part 4 - ????
  11. --------------------------------------------
  13. Part 1 - Anon in Equestria? (#erik)
  14. >Day Erikson in Equestria.
  15. >Be Erik Erikson.
  16. >...That's bullshit and you know it.
  17. >Actually be Anonymous.
  18. >And you are just now getting out of the shower.
  19. >Maaaaaaaaaaaaan that shower felt good.
  20. >Alright, that's two outta three down.
  21. >Shit? Check.
  22. >Shower? Check.
  23. >Now for shave.
  24. >You look at the mirror.
  25. >...
  26. >Eyyyy good lookin'!
  27. >Hmmm..
  28. >Nah, you think you can skip a day.
  29. >Welp, that's everything accounted for.
  30. >Now where's your phone/brick/high-tech handclock?
  31. >Ah, there it is.
  32. >It's on your dresser.
  33. >Noice.
  34. >Alllllright, what's on your agenda for today?
  35. >It looks like you need to do some apprenticeship work for Rarity early this morning.
  36. >At 8:30, in fact.
  37. >You check your phone.
  38. >7:45 am.
  39. >Okay good.
  40. >More than long enough to take a stroll through Ponyville and plan for the day ahead.
  41. >Beats being late like last time.
  42. >You shuddered at the memory of being late last time.
  43. >Then after you get off of work at 11:30, you'll probably grab a bite to eat at Sugarcube Corner.
  44. >Why there?
  45. >One or more of three options come to mind.
  46. >It's the most convenient option around.
  47. >You need to bug Ponk more often.
  48. >Or you just like their food.
  49. >Either way just thinking about it made you hungry already.
  50. >Being Anonymous also meant you're not a breakfast person.
  51. >Okay, after lunch, you're set to work on your second job at Sugarcube Corner.
  52. >HOPEFULLY you'll avoid Diamond Tiara this time.
  53. >Guhhhhh...
  54. >And you're all set until 4PM, when you planned to meet up with Starbutt from the train station.
  55. >Seems legit.
  56. >So you grab your wallet and a fresh pair of clothes and start heading over to the Carousel Boutique.
  57. >However, as you walk through Ponyville, you can't help but notice some ponies are giving you strange looks.
  58. >Uhhhhhhhh...
  59. >is your fly down?
  60. >You glance down to check.
  61. >ohshititis.png
  62. >You zip it back up.
  63. >Can't have it down in front of the lovely Rarity~
  64. >Anyway, you're here already.
  66. >...that's the weirdest sound effect Writeslut's written out yet.
  67. "Oi! Rarity!"
  68. >Rarity looked up from the dress she was working on and gave a startled glance over at you.
  69. >"O-Oh! Good morning, er, Anonymous!"
  70. >Jeez, must've been busy this morning.
  71. "Mornin'. Alright, so what's on the agenda this morning?"
  72. >"W-Well, I still need to teach you a bit about the pre-design process, if that's quite alright, darling."
  73. >Ooh, noice.
  74. "Sure."
  75. >She levitates a document over to you, and you skim over it a bit.
  76. >More or less it's an early concept of what she originally named the "Reign in Stain".
  77. >A TF2 costume name if you've ever heard one.
  78. >But you remembered her bitching and moaning about how how horrible the "Princess Dress" was ever since she stopped selling them over in Canterlot.
  79. "So what's this for?"
  80. >She looked at you, took a deep breath before explaining.
  81. >"As you've already learned, the first and most important step in creating a dress is to come up with a design - it can be anything ranging from simple to exquisite to out-of-your-mind creative, but the important thing is to draw it and keep a record of it. This was originally planned to be much more elaborate than it is- well, was, anyway."
  82. >You nodded.
  83. "Okay, okay, so then..."
  84. >"The second step is to go over your materials and see whether the original concept feasible. As you see here-" she pointed to the dress on the blueprints "-the design would have called for an elaborate design that not only would have consumed more materials than I had available at the Canterlot Boutique but would have looked incredibly tacky if done improperly."
  85. >You nodded.
  86. "So what you're saying is, it might not have been possible."
  87. "Precisely. And then-"
  89. >Oh wait no, it's Lyra.
  90. >"Hey, Rarity, and- oh...uhh..."
  91. >Oh no, it's Lyra.
  92. >Well, no, it's not as bad as Flutterrape, but it's close.
  93. >Fucking hand fetishes.
  94. >Fucking ponies sometimes.
  95. >"Good morning, Lyra. I trust you've heard the news?"
  96. >She nodded wearily. "Yep. Hey, Anon."
  97. "'Ey."
  98. >"Lyra, I'm a little busy training Anonymous, here, in the art of making dresses, but feel free to look around, and let me know if you need anything."
  99. >"Gotcha."
  100. >And with that, Lyra went into the depths of her shop.
  101. >Phew, dodged a bullet there.
  102. >You glanced back at Rarity.
  103. "What news?"
  104. >"Oh, just something that got posted at town hall. Nothing for you to worry about."
  105. >'MAN DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT WORRYING,' you thought
  106. >A thousand memories of worrying mothers came crawling back to you.
  107. >You dismissed them very quickly.
  108. >Never again.
  109. >Even though you loved your mom, she was very much a worry-er.
  110. >respect your mom, kids
  111. >"Anyhow...where was I?"
  112. "Something something materials may not support the pre-design?"
  113. >"Yes, exactly. However, to simply cut down on the original design to conserve price and materials is simply not enough, so what you'll need to do is-"
  115. >2 hours later.
  116. >Still Anonymous.
  117. >And it's finally 11:30.
  118. >You've learned quite a bit during your session.
  119. >A couple of other ponies had come to the Boutique, and Rarity asked them all about the 'news'.
  120. >You really need to remember to go to town hall later today.
  121. >*Diiiing*
  122. >"...and that concludes our lesson today. Any questions, Anon?"
  123. >You shook your head.
  124. "I think I got the basics."
  125. >"Very well. I assume you're about to go have lunch, yes?"
  126. >You nodded.
  127. "Yep."
  128. >Needed to fill up Stomachnonymous.
  129. >A part of your body which, to your surprise, has been relatively quiet on the greentext shitposting front today.
  130. >Along with Anon Jr. and Brainon.
  131. >'not on your life ya dubbel faget'
  132. >Spoke too soon.
  133. >Just as you're about to walk out, Rarity cleared her throat.
  134. >"Anon, dearie?"
  135. >>dearie
  136. >kek
  137. >You glance over at favorite horse.
  138. "Hmm?"
  139. >She paused for a moment, before responding.
  140. >"Nevermind. You have a good lunch."
  141. >You smiled, and with that you walked off.
  144. >Woosh!
  145. >A torrent of rain drops on your head, manned- well, horsed, by the hooves of Top Cunt.
  146. >Go fucking figure.
  147. "Murhnin', Rainbow."
  148. >"Sup."
  149. >You sighed.
  150. "What do you want?"
  151. >"I just wanted to see if you could come with me to get something at McDowell's Hayburgers."
  152. >uh oh
  153. "Why?"
  154. >"Just figured you were hungry and would probably eat alone anyway."
  155. >Dick.
  156. "Well I was gonna go bug Ponk at Sugarcube Corner, so no tha-"
  157. >"About that."
  158. >Oh?
  159. >"See, Pinkie Pie's...well, she's sick today, so she's taking the day off."
  160. >WHAT
  161. "Seriously?"
  162. >"Seriously."
  164. "Well, shit."
  165. >"Sorry 'bout that, Green-bean. I know how much you two lovebirds get along-"
  166. >WAIT WHAT
  167. "NO! We're not- I mean- not currently-"
  168. >She cackled at your embarrassment.
  169. >Top Cunt status: maintained.
  170. "Well okay, I'm still going there regardless, so-"
  171. >Before you could continue walking over there, Rainbow Dash stopped you.
  172. >"Actually, the place is closed today."
  173. >oh for cryin'-
  174. "Wasn't it open even when she -was- sick?" you asked. "I ask because I had to cover for her when she was acting very weird one day."
  175. >Rainbow Dash grimaced.
  176. "It was a very weird time for us all."
  177. >"Well, problem is Mr. and Mrs. Cake are currently trying to get a party going, one that originally had Pinkie involved. Since she's sick, they have to dedicate their entire workload into that instead of selling baked goods."
  178. >Welp.
  179. "So that means-"
  180. >"Sorry buddy, MacDowell's it is."
  181. >You grumble.
  182. >"Hey, suck it up. You don't -have- to eat with me, y'know."
  185. >Line's not too long, so naturally Rainbow Dash goes first.
  186. >As Rainbow Dash takes her sweet time ordering, you decide you'll just get a Hayburger.
  187. >And fries.
  188. >And a drink.
  189. >That's what you usually get, right?
  190. >Welp, Rainbow Dash is done, now it's your turn.
  191. >You see a mare with the most grumpy scowl on her face.
  192. >"Morning, ma'am, and welcome to McDowell's-"
  193. >the fuck
  194. >You cock an eyebrow
  195. >"-I'm sorry, I meant...-sir-. Welcome, what can I get you today?"
  196. >dis bitch
  197. "Uh, just a medium hayburger meal is all."
  198. >"Will that be for here or to go?"
  199. "For here."
  200. >"That'll be 8 bits."
  201. >You hand her the money and she hands you a receipt soon after.
  202. >"Alright, it'll be out in five minutes. You're gonna be order number 2."
  203. >You glance at the receipt. Order #1902, in fact.
  204. >Not surprising. They get a lot of business.
  205. >Soon enough, your order comes up on your tray.
  206. >As you go to grab it, you see a mare grimace at you.
  207. >You grimaced back.
  208. >"Thank you, -sir-, enjoy."
  209. >DIS BITCH.
  210. >Seriously, this is shitty service.
  211. >Incredibly shitty compared to the usual places to eat.
  212. >...
  213. >Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
  214. >Hayburgers are usually much better than the hamburgers back on Earth because of Writeslut's Law of Equestrian Cuisine, that being food in Equestria is always better than Earth food with no exceptions.
  215. >So it shouldn't be too bad, right?
  216. >Riiiiiiiiight?
  218. >One lunch later.
  219. >Fucking hell.
  220. >Somehow or another, Writeslut's Law found an exception.
  221. >Man, you don't know what happened.
  222. >But the Hayburgers weren't that good today.
  223. >Mind you, you're still not used to eating Hayburgers period.
  224. >But that gave it no right to be -worse- than your average burger.
  225. >Maybe it's just the shittiest hayburger joint around.
  226. >It has to be, service was unusually poor today.
  227. >But regardless, you've had your fill.
  228. >And you're off to do-
  229. >Well...
  230. >You're not sure what to do now.
  231. >Sugarcube Corner is closed for the day, Rarity's done with you, Ponk's out of order for the day, and the only other ponies left to bug besides Twilight are Flutterrape and Applejack, who officially got promoted to Crazy Horse yesterday.
  232. >She's probably still pretty pissed at you.
  233. >You're still a little annoyed at her.
  234. >She's also extremely stronk Earth Pone.
  235. >Best to let the tension ride out before confronting her again.
  236. >Hmmm...
  237. >There's always Town Hall.
  238. >You start heading over there.
  239. >"Oi, Anon, where ya goin'?" called Rainbow Dash.
  240. >Not this shit again.
  241. "Town Hall. Rarity keeps asking ponies if they heard the 'news', and-"
  242. >"Oh. That."
  243. >Uh oh, does Top Cunt know something you don't?
  244. >Her face not being cunty-ish means she probably does.
  245. >Not on your watch.
  246. "...please explain."
  247. >"See, the news was that Sugarcube Corner was closed because Pinkie Pie was, *ahem* sick. I've been telling the others what happened as a result."
  248. >Ah.
  249. >That saves you a trip.
  250. "Alright, makes sense."
  251. >You think about the implications of that for a moment.
  252. "Might be why everyone's not as happy as usual today."
  253. >"Probably," she grimaced.
  254. >Was it just you?
  255. >Or could Rainbow Dash's face be confused for that of sadness?
  256. >...
  257. >You shrug.
  258. >It's probably nothing.
  259. "Well, that clears up most of my schedule for today."
  260. >Now what do?
  261. >Uhhhhh...
  262. >You check your phone.
  263. >1:00.
  264. "I just realized."
  265. >"What's that?"
  266. "I have nothing to do until later today."
  267. >Rainbow Dash smirked.
  268. >ohhhh no
  269. >"Well..."
  270. >that shit eating grin was not hopeful at all
  271. >"You and Fluttershy could-"
  272. >NO.
  273. "NO."
  274. >"I'm not finished. You and Fluttershy could..."
  276. >"...y' could-"
  278. >"-hold hooves at the park."
  279. >WAY.
  280. >TOO.
  281. >LEWD.
  282. "Fuck you, Dashie."
  283. >She cackled again, even as you stormed back home.
  284. >Hopefully there's something to wash off the lewd thoughts that came to mind.
  286. >Be Anonymous still.
  287. >One round of consensual fapping to porn later, you've more or less washed those thoughts out of your head.
  288. >Ahhhh....
  289. >That felt good.
  290. >But for now you need to change pants.
  291. >You put your pair of wet pants off and throw them by the laundry.
  292. >...hmmm.
  293. >They seemed to be a little dirtier than normal.
  294. >Bunch of pubic hair on there.
  295. >Meh, it's not a big issue.
  296. >You're always dirty.
  297. >In more ways than one.
  298. >lewdwhistle.wav
  299. >Jokes aside, they can be washed easily.
  300. >Anyway, you put on a new set of slacks.
  301. >Then you started to stretch.
  302. >You're not sure why you felt like stretching, but it feels pretty good.
  303. >Then you checked your phone.
  304. >2:30.
  305. >Not bad.
  306. >Still got a bit before you need to head to the train station.
  307. >Was there anything else you needed to do?
  308. >Hmmm
  309. >Well, you did get a package from Derpy the other day.
  310. >It was a book that contained a lot of good dating tips.
  311. >Allegedly.
  312. >You haven't had a chance to look through it.
  313. >Mainly because you're sure it was meant for someone else.
  314. >You should probably go bug Derpy about it.
  316. >Be Anon about thirty or forty minutes later.
  317. "Wait, so this is actually for me?"
  318. >Derpy nodded reluctantly.
  319. "Oh wow, who's it from?"
  320. >She sighed. "It's from me, as a gift for helping out at the Post Office that other day."
  321. >Oh wow.
  322. >You mostly just sorted out some labels that got mislabeled because you happened to notice it.
  323. >You didn't think she'd remember it.
  324. >But she did.
  325. >That's really sweet of her.
  326. "Well, thank you!"
  327. >She nodded, and went back to her business.
  328. >That still left you with about an hour.
  329. >Hmmmmm...
  330. >You decided to try and strike up a bit of a conversation.
  331. "Alright, what's wrong?"
  332. >"Ohhhh, nothing.."
  333. "C'mon, you can tell me."
  334. >She sighed. "Well...I'm confused."
  335. >You can't imagine a day where she isn't confused.
  336. "And?"
  337. >"Well, it's just- well, how do I say it?"
  338. >You raise one of your eyebrows.
  339. >"I worry about...I worry about Pinkie Pie every day, to where I keep thinking she stresses herself when she's really not stressed at all. I try to be like her sometimes, to be stress-free but it just stresses me out even more."
  340. >She's got a point.
  341. >Pinkie has been known to take on a heavy workload on a day-to-day basis.
  342. >But she seemed to enjoy it.
  343. >Most ponies you know aren't like that.
  344. >Hell, most people you know aren't like that.
  345. >"But, well, you..."
  346. >You tilted your head.
  347. "What about me, now?"
  348. >"...well, I'm just worried about her, is all."
  349. >Huh.
  350. "Hey. I'm sure Pinkie'll be fine. Since when has a sick day ever stopped her?"
  351. >You bear a pretty good grin.
  352. >She seems to smile back.
  353. >A worried smile.
  354. >But it's something.
  355. >>24886438
  356. >You glanced at your phone.
  357. >3:30.
  358. >Okay, you need to start heading over there.
  359. >You walk out of the post office to let the wall-eyed beauty do her business...and bump straight into Rarity.
  360. >"Oof!"
  361. "Oof!"
  362. >After a few moments of spinning out you're back on your feet.
  363. "Sorry."
  364. >"It's fine- Anon?"
  365. >oh boy
  366. "Yeah?"
  367. >"Listen, I want to have a chat with you. And it's...well, it's very important that we do so."
  368. >You nod.
  369. "Alright, can do, Rarity."
  370. >She smiled. "Excellent, so-"
  371. "But AFTER I pick up Twilight from the train station."
  372. >That smile faded. Uh oh.
  373. >"...Twilight?"
  374. "Yeah. Gotta bug ol' Starbutt, y'know?"
  375. >Apparently you seeing Twilight made her panicky, as shown by her face.
  376. >You can almost see nervous sweatdrops form on her face.
  377. >"Oh no. Oh no, this is bad."
  378. >Uh ohhhhhhhh
  379. "What?"
  380. >"W-Well, can't you put it off or something?"
  381. >You scowl.
  382. "Why would I do that?"
  383. >"I mean, is it really that important, meeting Twitight at the station?"
  384. >Oh for fuck's sake, this is getting ridiculous.
  385. "Oh come on, Rarity, it's just meeting Twilight at the train station. That's all."
  386. >Before she can open her mouth to rebutt, you continued.
  387. "Besides, I need to bug her anyway for some other important shit."
  388. >Rarity scowled.
  389. "Look, we'll talk afterwards, alright? K, see ya!"
  390. >And with that, you're off to the train station.
  391. >You take one look behind you before going.
  392. >Rarity scurried off to who the fuck knows where.
  393. >Probably to go find a couch.
  394. >You've known her to do that.
  395. >It's weird.
  396. >Anyway, you're off to see Twilight.
  398. >Train Station. 3:59 pm.
  399. >Train's finally starting to roll in.
  400. >Still Anon, by the way.
  401. >As the passengers start to get off, you keep an eye for Purple Bookhorse.
  402. >Yep, there she is.
  403. >Purple mane, lavender horn, heretical wings?
  404. >That's her[spoiler]sey[/spoiler].
  405. >You call out something through the noise.
  406. "Eyyyyyy, Starbutt!"
  407. >You hoped she heard you.
  408. >As that mane, horn, and set of wings started heading towards you, you knew she did.
  409. >Thank GOD.
  410. >Train station's loud as fuck.
  411. >"Good afternoon, An...oooooooooon?"
  412. >Okay, what?
  413. >She really drew out that name.
  414. "Sup, Starbutt."
  415. >She blinked. After a moment, you realize something's wrong.
  416. "What"
  417. "I'm just surprised -you're- calling me that."
  418. >You chuckled.
  419. "Well it's accurate, is it-"
  420. >"No, not the name, that you of all ponies are calling me that."
  421. >Pfft.
  422. >Does she not know who you are?
  423. "First of all, not a pony. Only human in Equestria, remember?"
  424. >Twilight scowled.
  425. >That's what you get for being a smart-ass, right?
  426. "Second of all-"
  427. >"You're not Anon, though."
  428. >wait what
  429. "...of course I am."
  430. >It's her turn to raise her eyebrow.
  431. "Earth to Twilight? Only human in Equestria? Anonymous the human-"
  432. >"-Is in Neighpon, on a business trip with Princess Celestia to meet with delegates. He left literally three days ago, and I'm just now getting back from seeing him off. I told you this several days ago, Pinkie Pie, so you can drop the act now."
  433. >Okay.
  434. >What the fuck.
  435. "I...I have no idea what you're talking about."
  437. --------------------------------------------
  439. Part 2 – Then Who Was Ponk? (#pone)
  441. >Still Day Erik Erikson in Equestria.
  442. >You are Anon.
  443. >At least, you know you're Anon.
  444. >Apparently Twilight Sparkle didn't catch that part.
  445. >Basically what happened was she's mistaken you for Pinkie Pie.
  446. >Total bullshit.
  447. >The two of you look nothing alike.
  448. >”Pinkie Pie? You have some explaining to do.”
  449. >Speaking of which...
  450. “That can't be right. Pinkie Pie had to take a day off because she's sick.”
  451. >She scowled again.
  452. “It's the truth!”
  453. >”Apparently not, since Pinkie Pie is standing right in front of me.”
  454. >Seriously.
  455. >You then see a bunch of bags with legs waltz their way over to the two of you.
  456. >That bag-of-legs turned out to be Spike the dragon, who once again was forced into slavery- I mean carrying luggage.
  457. >”Phew...that's all of it, Twilight.”
  458. “Ayyy, Spike!”
  459. >”Ayyy, Pinkie!”
  460. >wait wat
  461. “Not Pinkie, Spike. I'm Anon.”
  462. >He squinted at you. “You look and sound like Pinkie to me. Plus Anon just went to Neighpon three days ago.”
  463. >For fucks sake you two.
  464. >You sighed.
  465. “...okay, look, I have no idea what you two are on right now, but I-”
  466. >”TWIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” called the voice of Rainbow Dash as she swooped down and crash-landed in front of Twilight.
  467. >Once she brushed off the landing, she looked at all of you.
  468. >”Ohhhh....oh boy.”
  469. “What?”
  470. >”What?”
  471. >Rainbow Dash gulped. “Okay, listen, Twilight, Spike, we need to talk. It's about Pinkie Pie, and I dunno if you want 'Anon' to be involved in this or not, but-”
  472. >”Except -Anon-,” Twilight interrupted, “is overseas, and-”
  473. >”I KNOW!” Rainbow Dash snapped. “Just...just bear with me for a second.”
  474. >Okay.
  475. >Somehow you figured Rainbow Dash knows what's going on.
  476. >Much more than Starbutt and Dragonbutt, anyway.
  477. >...
  478. >Dragonbutt?
  479. >Really?
  480. “Well I dunno what the hell is going on,” you said, angry as fuck, “but I'd like to know, alright?”
  481. >They glanced at you, but before they could answer you hear a group of hooves gallop towards you all.
  482. >Okay, there's Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity.
  483. >Maybe this whole bullshit was what Rarity wanted?
  484. >”Twilight, darling,” Rarity asked, hurriedly, “did Rainbow Dash already tell you what was going on?”
  485. >Twilight shook her head. “Nope, she was about to. But right now, given the circumstances-” here, she pointed to you as if you were an anomaly again (moving back up in the world, heh), “-I think I need to sit down for this. And something to drink.”
  486. >”Didn't you swear off the stuff earlier, Twilight?” Spike asked.
  487. >She groaned.
  488. >"I know, I know. But still... can I get my bags to my house first before we talk?”
  489. >Everyone seemed to agree, and without further delay they started to transfer bags from the baggage department to Friendship Castle.
  491. >Friendship Castle.
  492. >Still Anon.
  493. >Not that Twilight believes you.
  494. >Crazy horse.
  495. >Just like Applejack, apparently.
  496. >Once you got all the bags in there, Twilight motioned for you to sit down.
  497. >And so you found a seat and got comfy, and waited for everyone else to do the same.
  498. >”Alright, Pinkie Pie, I have a question.”
  499. “Not Pinkie Pie, I keep telling you,” you groan. “I'm Anon.”
  500. >You can't believe you have to tell people you're Anonymous.
  501. >It's like you're really back in Chanology!
  502. >She scowled again. “It's about that. What in Equestria made you decide you were Anon all of a sudden, Pinkie?”
  503. >Buhhhhhh.
  504. >Rainbow Dash raised her hoof. “Yeah, about that. See, you know how Anon left for Neighpon like three days ago? That he was gonna be gone for a month while traveling with Celestia? Well, Pinkie, she...”
  505. >Wait, now Rainbow Dash believes her?!
  506. >She's the one who told you Pinkie was sick in the first fucking place!
  507. >Since you were standing- well, sitting right here, you called total bullshit.
  508. >...even if Neighpon sounded like a good place to take a vacation.
  509. >”Well, she kinda...took it the hardest.”
  510. “Oi. Dash.”
  511. >Rainbow Dash looked over at you.
  512. “You can't seriously think I'm actually Pinkie?”
  513. >”Well, I'm getting to that, Pinkie. But long story short, I had to have everyone just assume you were Anon until Twilight got back.”
  514. >Applejack grumbled. “Ah still didn't like lyin' 'bout it, but it made do.”
  515. >Fucks sake.
  516. “Assume, nothing. Do you all not recognize a human when you see one?”
  517. >”We do,” Rarity stated, “but problem is it's kind of hard for a pink pony like you to be a green human.”
  518. “So does everyone in Ponyville think I'm Pinkie Pie? Is that what it is?”
  519. >They paused, seemingly uncertain of how to answer that.
  520. >But Fluttershy answered it plain and simple.
  521. >”Y-yes.”
  522. >You facepalmed.
  523. “Fucking hell. I've stepped into the Twilight Zone or something.”
  524. >Twilight scowled for what seemed to be the third time today.
  525. “No pun intended.”
  526. >”Anyway, as I was saying,” Rainbow Dash continued, “the night Anon left, I went to go visit Pinkie Pie, and...”
  528. >Be Rainbow Dash!
  529. >Also be totally awesome!
  530. >Also it's day Erik Erikson minus three.
  531. >You're not sure who Erik Erikson is.
  532. >You'll have to ask Anon when he gets back.
  533. >Must be some crazy psycho-pony or something.
  534. >”Ohhhhhhh, but what if he doesn't come back?” Pinkie babbled, her concern levels off the charts. “What if he dies out there and me and Fluttershy aren't there to nurse him back to health, or-”
  535. “Pinkie!” you shouted. “He'll be fine. He's got Princess Celestia with him, if anything he'll probably be in a suit of armor by the time he gets home from Neighpon.”
  536. >You pause to think about what a suit of armor would look like over there.
  537. “Or a samurai outfit. That would be even cooler.”
  538. >See, at that point you were comforting Pinkie Pie on her bedside, who was irrationally devastated at Anon leaving.
  539. >It wasn't like they had a falling out or anything, but-
  540. >”But but but Neighpon is supposed to be full of EVIL samurai? Or ninjas? Or-”
  541. >She gasped.
  542. >”What if he encounters...the YAKUZA?!”
  543. >You rolled your eyes.
  544. “Pinkie, he's not gonna encounter the Yakuza. Again, if he does Celestia will kick its flank all the way across Neighsa.”
  545. >”But there's so much that could go wrong while he's over there and I don't want him to be hurt by anyone and I MISS him, Rainbow Dash!”
  546. >You sighed.
  547. “Were you like this when I was at the academy?”
  548. >Pinkie nodded uncertainly.
  549. “Well look at how I turned out!”
  550. >You pause to remember what Anon is.
  551. “I mean I'm still more awesome than him, so unless he was in the military, or whatever he had back home-”
  552. >You paused again as you saw tears form in her eyes.
  553. “Look, he'll be fine. As much as I say otherwise, he's not dumb. Worst case scenario, he can handle himself.”
  554. >Pinkie sighed. “I know, but...but it hasn't even been a full day and I miss him.”
  555. >You'd be pissing off Applejack if you said Pinkie didn't love Anon.
  556. >But let's face it, the two of them were-
  558. >”Excuse me, Rainbow Dash?” interrupted Applejack. “You'd be doin' what to me?”
  559. >Rainbow chuckled. “Honesty joke. Lighten up.”
  561. >Anyway, what were you saying?
  562. >Oh, right.
  563. >”If only he could go for a week instead of a month.”
  564. “I know you miss him,” you told her, “but it's not like he's going away forever.”
  565. >Pinkie nodded. “It sure feels like forever.”
  566. “Again, he'll be fine. And to be totally honest, unless we anypony else who'll fill in for his shenanigans, I'm GLAD he's taking a vacation.”
  567. >You get off the bed.
  568. >It was way past 8PM, and you needed to be up at 6 in the morning for cloud duty.
  569. >Yeah yeah, you know, it sucks, but it pays the bills.
  570. “Anyway, I'm headed out.”
  571. >You glanced over at Pinkie, who had stopped crying.
  572. >Instead, she was mumbling something to herself.
  573. >” Fill in for Anon...”
  574. “Pinkie?”
  575. >She snapped to attention, and it was then you noticed something had changed within Pinkie.
  576. >It was a moment of clarity for her.
  577. >Or something.
  578. >You're not sure what you'd call it.
  579. >But she was happy again.
  580. >”Fill in for Anon! Rainbow Dash, you're a genius!”
  581. >Oh.
  582. “Uhhh, I am?”
  583. >”Yeah! Gotta go, Dashie, not a moment to waste!”
  584. >And just like that, she bolted out the door.
  585. >That was the last time you saw her that night.
  587. >You are Anon.
  588. >And you were unamused.
  589. >You can already find a few flaws in her 'story'.
  590. >But you remain silent because-
  591. >Well, never let it be said that you were impatient.
  592. >”So that's how she turned into Anon?” asked Spike.
  593. >”I'm getting there,” Rainbow repeated. “Anyway...”
  595. >Next day.
  596. >You are Rainbow Dash again.
  597. >Still awesome.
  598. >And you just got done helping Fluttershy practice for an upcoming performance with the Ponytones.
  599. >See, she wanted to see if she could boost her confidence and motivation before going out in public singing using a specific kind of tonic.
  600. >You just happened to have bought that tonic earlier at the store.
  601. >Specifically not one from the Flim-Flam Brothers.
  602. >That much you made sure of.
  603. >Never trust the Flim-Flams.
  604. >Thankfully, the tonic seemed to have worked.
  605. >She -was- starting to sing more confidently now.
  606. >And that's good.
  607. >And now you're taking it home to your place.
  608. >...
  609. >Actually, no.
  610. >You're gonna stop by Pinkie's place to see how she's holding up.
  611. >So you swoop down to Sugarcube Corner, say hi to the Cakes, and fly upstairs to Pinkie's room.
  612. >As it turned out, she wasn't there.
  613. >There was, however, a note on her door, saying “At Anon's, be back later-ish”.
  614. >Somehow that didn't sound good, so you decide to stop by Anon's on your way back home.
  615. >Even thought it was really out of the way.
  616. >But whatever.
  617. >Anyway, you knock on the door, and you hear Pinkie call “Come in!”
  618. >So you walked in and-
  620. “Whoa, whoa, wait,” you interrupted. “You were in my house?!”
  621. >”Well, yeah! Where else would I find you, Pinkie?!”
  622. >You scowled.
  623. “Not Pinkie. -Anon-. And you're typically not allowed uninvited for a reason.”
  624. >She chuckled. “Well Anon knows I don't give a feather.”
  625. >Fucking hell.
  626. >You really should consider starting a ARA* group.
  628. >ANYWAY
  629. >So you walk into Anon's house, and see...
  630. >Well, a bunch of lewd magazines, clothes, and what looked like a clam on his bed.
  631. >Oh wait, that's just his laptop.
  632. >But sorting through it all was Pinkie Pie, who had put on one of Anon's tea-shirts.
  633. “Pinkie, what are you doing?” you asked.
  634. >She blinked. “Heyo, Rainbow Dash!”
  635. “Hey! So uh...”
  636. >”You said it yourself, nopony else is gonna fill in for Anon while he's gone, so I decided I would do that!”
  637. >You're not sure if that was exactly what you said.
  638. >But close enough, you guess.
  639. “Wait, so all this-”
  640. >”Research. Anon knows more about himself than anypony else, but I'll be doing everything I can to fake it as much as possible.”
  641. >You glance over at her research material.
  642. “Uh, Pinkie? Isn't this a little much?”
  643. >”You get to understand a person by befriending him, but Dashie, take it from me, you don't truly understand who they are until you've raided their closet.”
  644. >You give a nervous chuckle.
  645. “I'm pretty sure that's not how that works.”
  646. >”Of course it is, it's how I understood Maud.”
  648. >Anon again.
  649. >You glanced over at Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy, all of whom were blushing madly.
  650. >top kek
  652. >You groan.
  653. “Okay, look, you don't need to fill in for Anon!” you yelled. “Ponyville will survive the month until he gets back.”
  654. >”I know...” she admitted, “but I want to try, anyway.”
  655. >With that, she promptly got back to sorting through her stuff.
  656. >For Celestia's sake, this is gonna be-
  657. >”Oh! Rainbow Dash! Let me try something.”
  658. >Uh
  659. “Uhhhh...sure.”
  660. >She cleared her throat, and grunted in her most manly accent yet. “Mornin', Rainbow Butt.”
  661. >Rainbow Butt?!
  662. “Oh great, now -you're- gonna call me that?”
  663. >”Maybe, I need to get in the habit of doing so. I mean, I'll probably have to do the same with Twilight- I mean Starbutt when she gets back.”
  664. >Hmmmm...
  665. >Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
  666. “Pinkie, you realize that if you do this, I'll have to sent you several rainclouds your way because of my 'thing' with Anon, right?”
  667. >”Wouldn't be a love-hate friendship otherwise,” Pinkie giggled.
  668. >She plopped onto the bed, probably pooped from all this 'research'.
  669. >”Alright, taking five for a moment,” she stated.
  670. >You sit down on the bed with her.
  671. “Having fun, there?”
  672. >”Yepper- I mean, sure.”
  673. >You chuckle.
  674. >If anything, this would be adorable.
  675. >”Mind if I have a sip?”
  676. >You hand her your drink.
  677. “Sure.”
  678. >And she takes a gulp.
  679. >Par for the course with Pinkie.
  680. >Then as your brain stopped farting you realized just what she took a gulp of.
  681. >Then your heart sank.
  682. “Wait, Pinkie, that wasn't-”
  683. >”Buuuuuuuuuuuuurp!”
  684. >...
  685. >Uh ohhhhhhhhhhh...
  686. >She set the drink down, and chuckled.
  687. >“I'm gonna make Nonny proud!” she affirmed.
  688. >The way the motivation tonic worked is that it boosted confidence to where it tricks your head into believing you can do it, and has you do it as if it's second nature.
  689. >It's a sort of magical placing bow.
  690. >Or whatever you'd call it.
  691. >You could not even begin to imagine what would happen if she would try to be Anon.
  692. >But sure enough, she yawned.
  693. >”But for now...gotta...sleep...”
  694. >And just like that, she's out cold.
  695. >After checking her pulse, you determine that she's just asleep.
  696. >But given what just happened you decided to wait and see if she would wake up any time soon...
  698. >”...and then when she woke up,” concluded Rainbow Dash, “she literally believed she was Anon, and wondered why I was in his house.”
  699. >You are Anon again.
  700. >Or rather, you're STILL Anon.
  701. >And there are plenty of flaws in this story.
  702. >”I don't have the book marks to prove it, but she chased me out. Almost like Anon was back.”
  703. >Or rather you chased her out.
  704. >Because you KNOW she was in your house.
  705. >And she wasn't allowed in.
  706. “...uh huh,” you muttered.
  707. >”So...” Twilight mused, “that's what happened.”
  708. >”Best I can describe it,” Rainbow admitted. “I'm terrible at telling stories.”
  709. >You're inclined to agree.
  710. >”So why was everyone just lying to her that she was Anon?” Twilight asked again.
  711. >Rainbow Dash paused before she answered Twilight. ”We...wanted to wait until you and Spike got back, in case you had any ideas on what to do.”
  712. >”So this whole time you didn't think to send me a letter?” Twilight asked, her voice rising. “Or it wasn't like one of you couldn't have flown to Canterlot and sought me out or anything.”
  713. >Rainbow sheepishly scratched the back of her head.
  714. >”Right?”
  715. >You rolled your eyes.
  716. >”Aaaaaaanyway, that's my story,” Rainbow finished.
  717. >Twilight looked at you, her scowl finally starting to disassemble.
  718. >It changed to one of sorrow.
  719. >”So Pinkie...”
  720. >Before you could give your rebuttal, Applejack cleared her throat.
  721. >”Not necessarily. See, that there's Rainbow Dash's explanation, and ah have lil' reason t' believe it's the whole truth.”
  722. >Okay, thank god crazy horse agrees with you.
  723. >You weren't the only one who thought her story was bunk-
  724. >”Yes,” Rarity agreed. “We've only trusted her word because she was allegedly accompanying Pinkie at the time.”
  725. >Twilight nodded. “So what are the other theories you've come up with.”
  726. >”Well,” Rarity explained, “this is probably unlikely, but I think what happened was Anon and Pinkie must have swapped bodies for some reason sometime between when he left and now, and the reason Anon didn't see that he's Pinkie is that he hadn't looked at a mirror until recent.”
  727. >For fucks sake, you're supposed to be best horse!
  728. >Of course you looked at a fucking mirror.
  729. “Uh, Rarity-”
  730. >”Interesting...” Twilight thought aloud, giving you no time to answer her. “Although given his showering habits, if this were the case I think Anon would have already figured out he wasn't in his body. What was it he called it?”
  731. “Shit, shower, shave,” you deadpan.
  732. >”Yes, exactly Pinkie," she nodded in the snarkiest tone she's had today.
  733. >Everytime.
  734. >”Well,” Applejack explained, staring daggers at Rainbow Dash as she said it, “ah think it's a prank by both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.”
  735. >What.
  736. >“WHAT?!”
  737. >”See, here's what ah figure – the only pony to seen this happen was Rainbow Dash, an' we have no other eyewitnesses. Now remember, they're both pranksters. It's possible what Rainbow Dash said is true, but it's jus' as likely they're pullin' th' long con.”
  738. >Okay, that was...actually kind of likely.
  739. >Of course it's bullshit.
  740. >But you definitely thought her logic was sound.
  741. >”Now as fer helpin' Fluttershy become more confident, that's true considerin' ah was there, but anythin' after that was between Dash an' Pinkie.”
  742. >“Uh, Applejack?” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
  743. >”Yeah?”
  744. >”This isn't a prank.”
  745. >Applejack raised one of her eyebrows. “Says who?”
  746. >”Would I really go out of my way to plan this with Pinkie?” she countered, pointing at you as she said it.
  747. >”Eeyup,” Applejack stated.
  748. >oh boy here we go
  749. >”Guhhhhh... Okay look. It would be an awesome prank, don't get me wrong.”
  750. >Not helping your case, Top Cunt.
  751. >”But I feel like the way Pinkie's been acting these past few days is so dead on I don't think it's Pinkie acting this way. At least, it's not her normal acting.”
  752. >Twilight facehoofed. “This is going nowhere. Can somepony please tell me which story is right or not?”
  753. >You raised your hand, inciting a groan from Starbutt.
  754. >”Pinkie?”
  755. “Well, here's a theory I had as to why I'm acting like Anon, and it may sound crazy, but bear with me. I think I'm acting like Anon because I ACTUALLY AM ANON! Fuck!”
  756. >Jesus fucking Christ you haven't had to raise your voice like that in years.
  757. >Almost felt cathartic.
  758. >Twilight scowled again.
  759. >Scowl count: 4.
  760. >Diiiing.
  761. >”Well, I think the point we can all agree on is that, as it stands, you're not Anon,” Twilight grumbled. “Now unless you have something you'd like to share with us-”
  762. “As a matter of fact, I do. Here's what happened this morning, at my house, before leaving the house.”
  763. >You described your morning routine, from it being Day Erik Erikson in Equestria, to having to explain who Erik Erikson was before realizing that's off-topic, getting up to taking a shower to deciding not to shave because you thought it wasn't needed this morning.
  764. “...and that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.”
  765. >”So not once did you think to check a mirror before heading out?” asked Twilight, unconvinced.
  766. “I did,” you told her, “just after getting out of the shower. Needed to do that to shave, anyway. I mean, I didn't need to shave at the time, but it was worth checking. And-”
  767. >”And you didn't notice that you were a pink pony with poofy hair?”
  768. “Nope, what I saw was a green human with what I think was balding hair, and with hands and presumably legs on the other side of the mirror,” you explained.
  769. >Twilight groaned.
  770. “Again, I think you're all crazy today, and-”
  771. >”Pinkie,” Twilight grumbled. “I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I think -you're- the one going crazy. I'll see if I can contact Princess Luna later tonight, but-”
  772. >You shook your head.
  773. “This is going nowhere. I'm outta here.”
  774. >And with that, you felt for your electronic brick in your pocket, and-
  775. >Wait.
  776. >Waiiiiiiiiiit a minute.
  777. >Electronic brick.
  778. “Actually, wait. I have an idea.”
  779. >You get out your electronic brick.
  780. >Thank GOD it also doubled as a camera.
  781. “Why don't I take a selfie with you and any of the girls with my phone, and we'll have photographic evidence of me being a human?”
  782. >Everyone, everyone except Spike and Twilight, tilted their heads.
  783. >Oh.
  784. >Right.
  785. >Pony world.
  786. >They don't have personal cameras like you do.
  787. >”She means a picture of yourself,” Twilight explained. “It's human terminology.”
  788. >Everyone “ohhhhh”-ed in acknowledgment.
  789. >You're not sure how Twilight knows this, but you'll roll with it.
  790. “I mean, the fact I still have my phone means I probably haven't left for Neighpon,” you elaborated. “I mean, would I -really- forget my phone at home?”
  791. >”I'll do it,” Twilight said, “if it'll give us answers.”
  792. “Alright.”
  793. >And with that, you loaded up the camera app on your phone.
  794. >And sure enough, as you set it to take pictures from the inner camera, you saw the green human.
  795. >“Alright, so I see Pinkie Pie instead of Anonymous in there. What else is there to say?”
  796. >She didn't, though.
  797. “Cheese.”
  798. >And as she smiled, and as you gave the dumbest grumpy face you can muster, you snap the photo.
  799. “Alright, photo's taken.”
  800. >You go to the gallery immediately after to find your photo.
  801. >There it is...
  802. “Now let's see, once and for all, what the-”
  803. >You went silent as you clicked on it and let it expand.
  804. >It was then you realized something.
  805. >That was an awful smile on Starbutt's part.
  806. >But more importantly, you were not in the photo.
  807. >Instead, where you should have been was Ponk.
  808. “Uhhhhhh...”
  809. >”Well, there it is,” Twilight noted.
  810. “I-I think something's wrong with the phone,” you stammer, all smugness evaporated from your body.
  811. >”You have photographic evidence there. I dunno what to tell you.”
  812. >You take the phone back into your hands, go back to the camera app, and snap another selfie.
  813. >It's possible that the first selfie was altered by Twilight.
  814. >But just like the first, the second replaced you with Pinkie Pie.
  815. >And as you take a third selfie, the same exact thing happened with that.
  816. “'ve gotta be shitting me.”
  817. >”Pinkie?” Twilight asked.
  818. “This can't be real. This is some Mort Rainey bullshit right here, could have fucking sworn...”
  819. >”Pinkie! Calm down, we'll get this worked out!” someone called out. You're not sure who it was.
  820. “Can't be real,” you repeated.
  821. "Can't be real. Can't be.."
  822. >You take one more selfie, just to be damn sure.
  823. >It turned out to be a picture of Pinkie Pie, her mane scrambled, and her face one of panic.
  824. >The same panic -you- were undergoing.
  825. >It was only natural that it would be then, of all times, that you passed out...
  827. -----------------------------------------
  829. Part 3 - Memories of Life (#memr)
  831. >Day ???? in Equestria
  832. >Be Anon.
  833. >Your vision starts to reappear as you start to wake up.
  834. "Urrghhhhhh..."
  835. >Now your mind starts to reassemble itself as you try to remember what had happened before you fell asleep.
  836. >Okay.
  837. >You worked with Rarity as her apprentice, you had lunch at hayburgers, you probably went to bug Derpy, you went to pick up Twilight, and-
  838. >As the memory finally clicks in your mind, it occured to you why you passed out.
  839. >You groaned at the thought.
  840. >Nearly everyone thought you were Ponk.
  841. >You tried to prove that you weren't, even taking a selfie to do so.
  842. >Fucking normie terms.
  843. >But even your own damn PHONE thought you were a fucking Pink Horse.
  844. >You blinked.
  845. >Maybe that was all just a bad dream.
  846. >Maybe you imagined that.
  847. >You instinctively look down at your arms to check.
  848. >Yep, handy as ever.
  849. >You probably imagined that shit.
  850. >It was all just a-
  851. >"You okay?" asked Twilight, her voice making you jump.
  852. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" you yelp.
  853. >You wheel around to face Purple Bookhorse.
  854. >She seemed concerned, a little startled that you yelled bloody murder at her.
  855. >You almost want to do that again just to fuck with her.
  856. >But after your weird dream you probably shouldn't fuck with her any more.
  857. "Don't scare me like that, Twilight."
  858. >"S-Sorry..."
  859. >You sigh.
  860. "It's fine. Anyway, I must've dozed off. Where-"
  861. >You finally take a good look at your surroundings.
  862. >You're in Purple Smart's castle.
  863. >Not that you mind being in there, of course, but it dealt a huge blow to your hopes that it was just a dream.
  864. "What happened while I was out?"
  865. >"Well, I did send a letter to Princess Luna explaining the details of your situation, and although she won't be able to meet with you until she gets back from Saddle Arabia in three days, she gave me a list of options to try."
  866. >Uh oh.
  867. "Situation?"
  868. >"Yeah. Pinkie, we know you're upset-"
  869. >Oh nooooooo.
  870. "You've gotta be kidding me..."
  871. >You grab for your phone, which was on the floor.
  872. >In a panicked hurry you find your picture gallery.
  873. >Sure fucking enough, you've found the pictures you took before passing out.
  874. >Pinkie Pie was in every single one of them.
  875. >Instead of you.
  876. "This is so fucking surreal right now," you mutter.
  877. >"Pinkie, I know it's hard having to cope with facing your fears, but Anon will be back soon enough."
  878. >You shook your head.
  879. "How come I literally don't see that my body's turned into a pink horse, then?"
  880. >"Luna suspects that it's because the drink you took was powerful enough to make you have hallucinations; you're seeing things that aren't there."
  881. >Right.
  882. >Apparently you took a swig of some magic drug Rainbow Dash gave you.
  883. >As if you weren't enough of a loser already.
  884. >"And she was rightly irritated with Rainbow Dash about it, so she advised for all of us to never touch this stuff again. However, she did suggest a cure. The Memory Spell, the one Princess Celestia taught me. You, you actually remember that?"
  885. >You scowled.
  886. "I have no idea what you're on about."
  887. >"It's supposed to restore the memories - the good ones, in fact - of a pony. It's incredibly powerful and is hard for most unicorns to cast."
  888. >You blink.
  889. "So it's easy for -you- because alicorns," you note.
  890. >She paused before answering your train of thought. "...'because alicorns'. Really?"
  891. "Well, is it?"
  892. >"Well I mean, yes, it is, but point is, I don't have to use it that often. Surely you remember when I used it while you were acting under Discord's influence during his reign of chaos years ago, right?"
  893. >Wait, reign of chaos?
  894. >So Discord was a bro ages ago?
  895. >Interesting...
  896. >But that's not the point.
  897. "You'd think it'd be easy to remember a spell even though you weren't on the same planet for a magic bookhorse to cast it on you."
  898. >She scowled at you. Hoo boy, she can scowl really well.
  899. "I-I mean, no, I don't remember it."
  900. >"You will. Just give me a moment to get set up."
  901. >You raise your eyebrow.
  902. "And what's stopping me from just up and leaving?"
  903. >She doesn't answer, so you decide to look around, see what else happened while you were out.
  904. >And you notice a distinct lack of magic multicolored horses.
  905. "Say, what happened with Rainbow Dash and-"
  906. >You soon find yourself restrained by Top Cunt as she swooped down to bind you.
  907. >Fuck.
  908. "Of course. Not surprised."
  909. >Rainbow Dash scowled as she held you back.
  910. >Welp.
  911. >Memory spell, eh?
  912. >You glared at Twilight, who was readying her spell.
  913. "Well, if we're actually seriously doing this, then bring it on."
  914. >And you decide, just for keks, that you're giving her a shit-eating smirk.
  915. >She seems to understand, and gave you a small smirk in return.
  916. >Then she cast the spell.
  917. >Instantly, memories came flooding back into your head in fast forward.
  918. >Memories of your first birthday party.
  919. >Memories of your favorite cake being delicious.
  920. >Memories of playing with your dog.
  921. >Memories of playing your favorite vidya with your friends.
  922. >Memories of the day you got your drivers licence.
  923. >Memories of the day you gave your mom's car its first joyride.
  924. >Memories of graduating the shit-hole that was high school.
  925. >Memories of getting your first paycheck.
  926. >Memories of going skinny-dipping in the lake with your friends one night.
  927. >Memories of meeting the lovely Rarity for the first time.
  928. >Memories of meeting the fucking adorable Ponk for the first time.
  929. >The spell subsided, and as you catch your breath you realize something.
  930. >These were all memories of everything that was actually pretty good with your world.
  931. >And none of them were of of Ponk.
  932. >Well.
  933. >Besides meeting her.
  934. >But still.
  935. >"Well, Pinkie?"
  936. >You shook your head in denial.
  937. "Nope, got nothing."
  938. >Rainbow groaned.
  939. >"Crap, that drink must've been stronger than I thought."
  940. >Twilight shook her head.
  941. >"It's not the drink. The tonic's effects are strong, but they aren't -that- strong."
  942. >Welp.
  943. "So now what, Starbutt?"
  944. >"Well," Twilight explained, "since the memory spell is apparently not going to work for some reason, there isn't much we -can- do until Luna gets back."
  945. >She scowled again.
  946. >What's that, 8 now?
  947. >You lost count after you passed out.
  948. >"Unless you actually remember now and are just messing with me."
  949. >You shrugged.
  950. "Nope, I still don't remember being Pinkie. Definitely strange that it won't work."
  951. >You give a shit-eating grin.
  952. "I could definitely mess with you, though. Trust me on this."
  953. >She groaned.
  954. "Alright, alright..."
  955. >Wimp.
  956. >Rainbow Dash loosened her grip on you, and you allow yourself to get your bearings.
  957. "But that doesn't change the fact that I still literally see myself as a human surrounded by hundreds of technicolor horses. Which apparently I'm not. And it's still surreal as fuck. Now what do?"
  958. >She placed a hoof on her chin as she considered the options.
  959. >"Tthe other options she considered were either to have you go out in public and try to 'act' as you normally would-"
  960. "So like a smug-ass sunnuvabitch?"
  961. >She glared at you. "You know what I mean."
  962. >Kek
  963. >"She said that it would help you re-remember who you are. I think if you tried acting more Pinkie-like, the skills and assets you've built up you all come back to you. Basically you'd be rediscovering your special talent."
  964. >Hmmm.
  965. "Seems legit."
  966. >"It's worked before."
  967. "What's my other option?"
  968. >"We cast a mind control spell on you, making you think you're Pinkie. Please don't let it come to that."
  969. >Nope.
  970. >Nope nope nope nope.
  971. "Alright, fine, I'll do it."
  972. >You sigh.
  973. "But it'll be weird because, again, I still refuse to believe I'm not a human, and I'm...actually not that good at throwing parties. 'Pinkie' might be, but 'Anon' isn't."
  974. >"But Anon said he threw a wild house party when he was 15," Twilight noted.
  975. "Yes, -I- said that. -I- also got grounded for a month, because it was too wild for them."
  976. >She raised an eyebrow in skepticism.
  977. "Totally worth it, though."
  978. >"I'll bet," Rainbow snickered.
  979. "Hey," you call, "why don't you try having a bunch of obnoxious dudes over at a wild party at your place while your folks are away for the afternoon?"
  980. >Rainbow burst out laughing as you said that.
  981. >Fucking cunt.
  982. >"See?" Twilight smiled, gesturing to Top Cunt's laughing fit. "You're already off to a great start!"
  983. >You feel a chill in your bones.
  984. >Can't be Halloween yet, though.
  985. >Somehow, Twilight seemed convinced that this is something Pinkie would do.
  986. >You've known Pinkie for a while now, though.
  987. >She would -never- act like this.
  988. >Not like a snarky bastard.
  989. >...
  990. >Would she?
  991. >Twilight sighed. "Well, anyway. It's past eight, and I have a feeling you'll have a big day ahead of you tomorrow."
  992. >You'll bet.
  993. >You technically go to bed around 9.
  994. >And you go to sleep around 11.
  995. >So that's not bad.
  996. "Welp, in that case I'm outta here."
  997. >And with that you waltz outta Twilight's castle and start heading in the direction of your home.
  998. >You don't even make it halfway before Rainbow Dash stops you.
  999. >"Hey! Pinkie!"
  1000. >Uh oh.
  1001. "I'm not-"
  1002. >...
  1003. >You are never gonna get used to being called Pinkie, are you?"
  1004. ", yeah?"
  1005. >"Your home's -this- way!"
  1006. >And she pointed to Sugarcube Corner.
  1007. >Oh.
  1008. >Right.
  1009. >They're trying to see if being at -Pinkie's- home will bring back -Pinkie-.
  1010. >Somehow you doubt that's how it works.
  1011. >But you nod.
  1012. >Still too tired to deal with this.
  1014. >Night Erik Erikson in Equestria.
  1015. >Be Ano-
  1016. >Well, you would say Anon, but all evidence points to the contrary.
  1017. >And you are just now getting into bed.
  1018. >After Rainbow Dash took you back to Sugarcube Corner, she explained to the Cakes what had happened to Pinkie as best as she could.
  1019. >To your surprise, they had gotten the party going great without Pin-
  1020. >Er, without you.
  1021. >Yes, you've decided that you're gonna play their game.
  1022. >At least long enough to let them know that whatever body they think you're in, it's not the same Pinkie they know.
  1023. >You're still convinced, somehow, that you're Anon.
  1024. >That thought made you sigh.
  1025. >You probably aren't.
  1026. >Welp, was there anything else that-
  1027. >Oh!
  1028. >Wait a minute.
  1029. >Didn't Pinkie have some sort of-
  1030. >Yeah, that's right!
  1031. >Pinkie has this small toothless alligator or something.
  1032. >What was his name?
  1033. >Gummy?
  1034. >Yeah, that sounded about right.
  1035. >You probably need to check up on him.
  1036. >Or feed him.
  1037. >Maybe.
  1038. >You're not sure what toothless alligators eat.
  1039. >Probably applesauce or soft chicken or something.
  1040. >So you get out of bed and start searching for what she called Gummy.
  1041. >To your surprise, he's nowhere to be found.
  1042. >You think he might be downstairs.
  1043. >But as you search all throughout the downstairs of Sugarcube Corner, you find no trace of a toothless alligator.
  1044. >Hmmm.
  1045. >There's only three logical explanations for this.
  1046. >One: He got loose and is probably gonna turn up when someone finds him.
  1047. >Two: Fluttershy has him.
  1048. >Meaning you'll have to suck it up and deal with her.
  1049. >Or three: Pinkie has him.
  1050. >And by Pinkie, you mean the REAL Pinkie.
  1051. >The one that everyone has mistaken you for.
  1052. >Yeah, that's it!
  1053. >If Fluttershy doesn't have him and he doesn't show up anytime soon, that means the REAL Pinkie has him and you can finally get answers from the pink horse herself.
  1054. >And maybe, just maybe, you can finally prove you're not crazy!
  1055. >Holy fucking shit, this is great!
  1056. >You add that to the to-do list for tomorrow.
  1057. >And as you go to sleep, you smile.
  1058. >You'll get to the bottom of this, or your name isn't Anonymous.
  1059. >Literally.
  1060. >But that is a story for another day...
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