Copypasta: Cadbury creme eggs should be illegal

Ok, since Easter was last Sunday, I had myself a little bit of Easter candy and stuff, among these things were jelly beans, other miscellaneous tasty shit, and Cadbury creme eggs. Now I hadn’t had one of these things since I was like 8 or 9 so my memory or them was pretty damn foggy, but I remembered them being good, so I had one. Now in case you haven’t had a Cadbury creme egg in a while, (or not at all) let me enlighten you to what a fucking nightmare eating one is. When you first bite into it it’s most likely going to be from the top, this means that the majority of what’s in your mouth is chocolate, your first thoughts will most likely be “huh, that’s rather sweet, but I’ll have some more.” The second bite is where your experience will get noticeably worse, because now your at the part of the egg where there is a lot filling, now the filling of a Cadbury creme egg is very different from any other candy, most filled candy has an interesting enough flavor to keep you interested in eating it. But the egg filling doesn’t have any flavor whatsoever, it’s just this disgusting white sugar gunk that looks and tastes like the cum of fucking Willy wonka. Now that your chewing your second bite your suffering has started, you realize that the chocolate shell of the egg is thin compared to the amount of obscenely sweet filling that’s now in your mouth and is slowly dissolving into hummingbird food. You want to spit it back out but, oh no, “this is something that only comes along once a year” you think to yourself, trying to provide a reason to not spit it into a medical wast bin, the place where it belongs, so you keep eating it. The third bite is where you truly start to regret eating the egg, but you can’t, you’ve become the egg’s little bitch. You keep eating because it feels like a waste of food to throw out, your now a little sugar slut and the egg is your candy dominatrix, you just want to be done with the whole process so you can go eat good tasting stuff but the egg doesn’t want you having fun, even after you’ve eaten it. Just when you’ve swallowed the last bite you begin to notice the aftertaste, which is just the egg filling coating the inside of your filthy diabetic mouth. Thankfully this only a few minutes and can be rinsed out with water. Cadbury creme eggs are like the hard drug of the candy world, yeah you can try it and it’ll be good for a little bit, but you can’t take away the sickening consequences after you’ve started, god help any sick fucks who genuinely enjoy these sad excuses for a treat.

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