Anon's Night Before Hearth's Warming

Dec 24th, 2014
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  1. >T'was the day before Hearth's Warming, and all about the land,
  2. >All the ponies were a-scurry, preparing for next day planned.
  3. >For all the little ponies knew of such a cheer
  4. >That an alicorn named 'Saint Bonnie' would soon be here.
  5. >Though the cheer spread far, it wasn't spread all,
  6. >For a resident Anon's cheer was found to be small.
  7. >He did not celebrate the holiday himself, you see
  8. >For Anon celebrated a day called 'Christmas', he did it with glee.
  9. >But he was the only one who knew what Christmas was,
  10. >So on that day he shut himself away from all the buzz…
  12. >"HI, ANON!" Pinkie beamed, her joy well-renowned,
  13. >As her bouncing and pronking were Anon-bound.
  14. >Anon flinched as his friend, 'Ponk', entered his house,
  15. >Waking him from a nap, along with his mouse.
  16. >"What do you want?" he growled, grumpy as hell.
  17. >"Just saying hi~. Though, you don't have to yell."
  18. >He sighed. For Anon, this was a horrible day.
  19. >It reminded him for all his family taken away.
  20. >"What's wrong, Anon?" Pinkie asked. "Did I make you mad?"
  21. >"Sorry," he admitted. "Just feeling a little sad."
  22. >"Sad?!" Pinkie screamed. "NO NO NO, CAN'T HAVE THAT!
  23. >"We need to get you presents! A train! A toy! A hat!
  24. >"OOh! Maybe some festive fudge I've been cooking all week-"
  25. >"PINKIE!" Anon interrupted. "I'm fine. Don't worry about the freak."
  27. >By freak he referred to himself, for a reason
  28. >That made him unhappy to be a human this season.
  29. >"O-ohh…" Pinkie stammered. "But I wanted to get something
  30. >"So you wouldn't, well, not GET anything!"
  31. >"I'm fine, really," he stated, but Pinkie did not listen.
  32. >For soon he saw that her eyes started to glisten.
  33. >And soon he was whisked away by a pink fluffy blur.
  34. >Onward to Sugarcube Corner! With Ponk as his chauffeur.
  36. >"Good afternoon, Anon!" said Twilight, a smile across her face.
  37. >"You finally decide to leave your old place?"
  38. >Anon scowled. "Ha ha, very funny. I blame Pinkie
  39. "For bringing me out here, away from my stinky
  40. >"Home." He grumbled again. He'd rather not be here.
  41. >"Come onnnn, Nonny, at least have some cheer."
  42. >"Here," Twilight said. "I'll buy you something to eat."
  43. >"Mr. Cake, can I get a Super-Duper Deluxe Choco-Lover Treat??"
  44. >"Sure thing, Princess!" he said, chipper as ever,
  45. >And off he went to undertake this endeavor,
  46. >Leaving you and Twilight and Pinkie to stand
  47. >In a gingerbread house that was completely grand.
  49. >It took a matter of minutes, but it was done.
  50. >Now the dessert was ready, and his consumption begun.
  51. >God, it's so good, Anon mentally noted.
  52. >Though, he noticed a Pink Pony doted
  53. >Upon his shoulder. Why did she care?
  54. >He longed to be loved; no colt or mare
  55. >Could replace the family and friends he had.
  56. >'>implying Anon had friends. bro, u glad?'
  57. >Indeed I am, my friend. But that is not the point.
  58. >But here in the story, we're at a joint.
  59. >Perhaps Anon can find it in his heart
  60. >To embrace the holiday spirit, each and every part.
  62. >Anon, munching on his dessert, to himself wondered
  63. >Why, after many a good day in Ponyville plundered
  64. >These ponies would be nice to him. Perhaps they sought
  65. >To give him good cheer, that they might ought
  66. >To wish him well on this fine day. To him, that was weird.
  67. >Why'd they care about him, a no-family neckbeard.
  68. >"Soooo, Anon, you gonna open my present?"
  69. >To your surprise, indeed a gift that Twilight meant
  70. >For you to open rested upon your lap. "Huh," he grunted.
  71. >"Thanks, Starbutt." And the present of which he confronted
  72. >He opened up. Wrappings, ribbon- Holy shit!
  73. >Was that a? Hoo boy, yeah it was. His lip he bit.
  74. >Twilight Sparkle had gotten him a book.
  75. >And- was it? Yeah it was! It had that look(?!)!
  76. >"Do you like it?" she asked. And, still in shock,
  77. >He nodded. "I l-love it, Twilight! Oh my god," he would balk.
  79. >"I had to do some heavy research, it's probably off a touch,
  80. >"But I'm very glad you like it!" She was nearly ecstatic.
  81. >At his reaction, a glee so charismatic.
  83. ?! - Full disclosure here, it was a Captain Underpants book.
  84. What, you thought it was 'Twilight'? For that there's no hook.
  86. >"Oh, there you are, darling!" came the sweet voice
  87. >Of Rarity, the most generous mare by choice.
  88. >"OH! Uh- Hi Rarity," he said, a stammer made apparent.
  89. >"Oh, dear Anon, are you here on an errand?
  90. >"Or perhaps you're going to embrace the cheer
  91. >"That Old Saint Bonnie will soon bring here?"
  92. >He rolled his eyes. "Anon, don't roll your eyes,
  93. >"It's supposed to be a fun time for all sizes."
  94. >"Sorry, Rarity," Anon said. "Just that I don't believe
  95. >"In the Equestrian holiday of Hearth's Warming Eve.
  96. >"Though…I'm not against enjoying the day, just, y'know,
  97. >"Speaking as a human in Equestria. By the way, so much snow!"
  98. >She sighed. "I know it must be strange to you, still,
  99. >"But no pony- well, no human, for that matter, will
  100. >"Remain unloved on today of all days. I got you a present."
  101. >Oh boy another present, Anon thought. He took what she sent
  102. >And opened it up. Was that? Oh jeez, it WAS!
  103. >"Oh my God is that a new suit? For what cause?!"
  104. >Indeed, the new fancy suit was a dark violet
  105. >And had a rich green shirt, and a tie hued of scarlet.
  106. >"I figured you needed something to replace that old rag
  107. >"That you always wear. Please, feel free to brag~"
  109. >He jokingly wondered if everyone in Ponyville
  110. >Was gonna give him presents. Some force of will.
  111. >Then, he heard the rough, brash call
  112. >Of Top Cunt's voice. God help us all.
  113. >"Hey there, Green-bean." Yep, fucking Rainbow Dash.
  114. >"What?" he deadpanned. "Here to give me a splash?"
  115. >"Nahhh, just came here to give you a gift."
  116. >Huh? A gift? For him? His bane looked adrift,
  117. >She never got him anything for Christmas-
  118. >Sorry, Hearth's Warming. But still, this was
  119. >Very off. "Okay?" He took the bag. And he started
  120. >To open it…his own eyes darted
  121. >To the picture that lay inside. It was a photograph
  122. >Of Rainbow Dash, bottom up by at least half.
  124. >SHE JUST HAD TO PICK THIS ONE. Anon's head brimmed
  125. >With fury, and he got up to leave in stride.
  126. >"Anon? Where are you going? Don't you want to come inside?"
  128. >His fury untapped, he finally started to yell.
  129. >"You know what, Rainbow Dash, go to hell!"
  130. >"ANON! What are you-" Princess Twilight began.
  131. >"No shut up, I'm going home. Much better than
  132. >"Staying here with this fucking cunt.
  133. >"Good day, good night, and Happy Whatever,
  134. >"I'm not coming back, not today, not ever!"
  135. >He left, his yelling subsided. And he didn't turn back.
  136. >And everypony there wondered what had made him crack.
  137. >But Anon knew. He knew full well why he snapped.
  138. >Each year, on this day, he felt trapped
  139. >With no one to be with. He had no family
  140. >Here to help him be happy or full of glee.
  141. >And I saw him run home, tears in his eyes.
  142. >An idea I had, like a lightbulb it flies.
  143. >So I made great haste. I needed to be quick,
  144. >If I wanted to do the job of 'Saint Nick'.
  146. >Onwards to Anon's house, a place full of clatter
  147. >So I could see myself just what was the matter.
  148. >And there I saw him, full of tears and beer,
  149. >No doubt miserable from lack of holiday cheer.
  150. >Normally I would enjoy this sad display
  151. >But I didn't. Not here, and not today.
  152. >It had to be stopped. Putting out my wick,
  153. >I thought of a plan, and I thought it up quick.
  154. >Adjusting my voice to a deep baritone,
  155. >I called out to him. "YOU ARE NOT ALONE."
  157. >Startled by my booming voice, he whimpered,
  158. >"Who's there?" His anger's probably simmered.
  161. >Not waiting for him, I cast a little spell
  162. >To show him sights of those who had meant well,
  163. >And into his very mindscape I leapt
  164. >To discover where his sorrow had kept.
  166. >Inside his dreams I saw his past.
  167. >Of friends, family, humans amassed.
  169. >"Yeah. Mom, dad, friends. They all sought
  170. >"To keep me happy on Christmas each year.
  171. >"But now…" he sighed. As to their fate, I feared.
  172. >"They're gone. All of them. I can't go back.
  173. >"Trust me, the other have tried." The area went black.
  174. >"Whoever you are, spirit or not, just go away.
  175. >"Leave me be, on this whatever eve or day."
  176. >Not content with his answer, you knew it had begun.
  177. >So another spell cast and the dreamscape spun
  178. >Into a different sort of place. Of Sugarcube Corner,
  179. >With all of the ponies gathered to discuss the foreigner.
  181. >"Rainbow Dash, what the BUCK?!" Twilight screamed.
  182. >"That was very bad! You saw how his tears streamed!"
  183. >"I told you I was sorry!" Rainbow shouted. "But I thought
  184. >"He would like that sort of thing." Apparently not.
  185. >"Well, we can't change the past," Rarity sighed.
  186. >"But we can still cheer him up. We'll do it tonight!"
  187. >Anon looked towards wherever the voice came from.
  188. >I kept myself hidden. Better to keep him dumb
  189. >As to your being. "Why are you showing my this?"
  192. >"Alright, that settles it! We'll go an' surprise
  193. >"The pants offa Anon before sunrise."
  194. >"Yeah! Don't worry, Nonny, we'll save you from death!"
  195. >"Pinkie, he's not in mortal danger. Don't hold your breath."
  196. >And I saw Anon's face contort to mixed emotion.
  197. >"T-They care? W-Why would they make a motion
  198. >"To try and help me?" And to that I said this.
  201. >"C-Current path? The fuck?" And now, upon his profane tongue
  202. >The land once more distorted into a new life unsung…
  204. >It was a cold, stormy winter night.
  205. >About a year after the fateful blight.
  206. >"Where am I?" he asked, and I only nodded
  207. >Towards the Sugarcube Corner. It was kind of blotted.
  208. >He ran towards it, and saw a familiar face.
  209. >"Pinkie Pie?" It was her, and though the laws of time-space
  210. >Prevented her from seeing him, he saw her sorrow.
  211. >"What happened to her?" he asked, her emotion he borrowed.
  212. >"Oh…Anon, why did you have to leave us here?"
  213. >"Leave?" he asked. But his sorrow fell on a deaf ear.
  214. >"You could have at least said why."
  215. >And off she went to deliver a pie.
  216. >I once again pointed to an enormous tree.
  217. >The very castle that stood as far as the eye could see.
  218. >And he went there, hoping to clear up confusion.
  219. >Instead he saw Twilight, in a suit that was a fusion
  220. >Of what they wore and what he wore.
  221. >"T-that's my suit.." he noted. "I need to know more."
  222. >And Twilight sighed. "I'm going, Spike. To see
  223. >"Anon once more. Take care of the place for me."
  224. >She walked off, towards a then-unknown place,
  225. >With me and Anon following her with great haste.
  227. >There I saw it. Old Ponyville's Graveyard,
  228. >Home to the old, the sick, and the charred.
  229. >"W-why is she going here?" Anon asked with hesitance.
  230. >"I THINK YOU KNOW WHY." I said. His countenance
  231. >Grimaced, and he walked over to where Twilight lay.
  232. >"Oh, Anon…I'm sorry. It was on this day
  233. >"That you left us. If I had known-
  234. >"Well…if any of us knew why you were alone,
  235. >"I'd have come sooner. I did what I could,
  236. >"…the others. They tried to move on.
  237. >"But the news made it a harsh unwelcome dawn.
  238. >"I'm sorry. Happy Hearth's Warming, Anonymous."
  239. >And she got up, tears in her eyes, body autonomous.
  240. >Anon looked upon the stone that she her prayers gave
  241. >And saw that it was his stone, his very own grave.
  243. >He was stunned by the very sight of a tombstone
  244. >That bore his name. Unable to cope with it, he moaned.
  245. >"This has got to be a joke! You can't be serious!"
  246. >But I was. I told him that. He was furious.
  247. >"I don't want to die, I don't want them to live their life
  248. >"With the fact that I left them in strife!
  249. >"I need to go, Spirit! I need to stop this from happening!"
  251. >And with his fear instilled I cast one last spell
  252. >That would wake him from this Celestial-forsaken hell.
  253. >I vanished from the sight, and he woke from his napping
  254. >To find that a pony was upon his door a-tapping.
  256. >"Anon? Anon, are you there?" she called.
  257. >That was definitely the voice which drawled
  258. >Of fear and worry. "I am, Twilight."
  259. >"Can we come in?" she asked, and he beheld the sight
  260. >Of six ponies; THE six ponies, all came in
  261. >To visit Anon. He knew why they visited him.
  262. >"We were worried that you had, er, that you weren't
  263. >"Happy with today. I'm sorry if you felt burnt-"
  264. >But he came up to them and hugged them so warmly,
  265. >As his entire being finally filled with holiday glee
  266. >And his heart grew three sizes that day.
  267. >(To me, I find that a tad bit too gay.)
  268. >"Thanks, girls," he choked. "I needed that, I think."
  269. >Then he saw something. He took the moment to blink.
  270. >Was it the spirit he saw, or something else- nay.
  271. >It couldn't be anything else but the sight of a sleigh.
  272. >It was the vehicle of the mysterious Saint Bonnie,
  273. >Flying away with a sack of toys which looked not-too-scrawny,
  274. >Off to spread holiday cheer, late into the night.
  275. >And he smiled, the old human; and I did, too, though very slight.
  276. >But upon the house I saw no need to dwell.
  277. >And away I left, for now his heart was well.
  278. >And as his friend Pinkie gave him a present to unwrap
  279. >I close this story now, the cover soon to flap.
  280. >And I, Discord, called out as I flew out of sight,
  281. >"Merry Whatever to all, and to all a good night!"
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