Macha Writes a Fapfic Review

Macha Writes a Fapfic Review

ELH's grammar and punctuation is sound, I didn't notice any glaring flaws in that regard. The whole pistol/plasma/cannons/warp/etc. terminology was cute at first but did wear down on me over time. I know it's supposed to be Macha's words, not ELH's, but there could have been a bit more creativity and variety in that regard. In fact, you would think Macha wouldn't tip-toe around the right words and would just say "cock" and "pussy" and things like that since she's apparently dirty-minded as all hell.

The characters were alright, I suppose, except that there wasn't really all that much development to Fennias and the sisters. Fennias is a nervous kid, Violette is a subservient sister, and Romelia is an experienced and dominant Sister Superior. They don't change through the story or get much exploration. Macha is the same as always, but that's probably for the best. They aren't poorly done by any means, it's not as if there is inaccurate or contradictory characterization going on, but there's just not enough there to earn any points, either.

The plot is... certainly something. I can't say I like that it turned from a simple story written by Macha with some cuts of her in real life into the goddamn Emperor being imprisoned in the Warp and Macha's the only one who can save him. It comes off as being an asspull, because there's no foreshadowing or build-up towards that at the start of the story, it's just sex one moment, and then the sisters start saying weird things and Fennias starts panicking and Macha's no longer writing what she wants to write. It feels as if you were writing and then suddenly got a different idea for what you wanted it to be and derailed the train onto a different plotline. It's like, why bother even mentioning the other kids in the place if it was all just an illusion? Those scenes don't actually serve a purpose, except to convince the reader it's all real. It's not as if it's vital to the Emperor's acceptance of the illusion, he's not there and he can't see what the other kids are saying.

The smut's good, but suffers from sudden cuts and jumps. Why end the first night of lewds right before Fennias penetrates? Why end the time Macha's teaching Fennias so early? To a certain extent, leaving it to the imagination can be a powerful tool, but I feel as if you leave *too much* to the imagination of the reader when you could have easily added just a bit more.

It's definitely not as bad as The Final Heresy of Blah Blah Macha Blah, it's decent enough, but I can see a lot of missteps in your content. I'd give it a 3/5, not great but not terrible either. Simply mediocre.