My (24F) boyfriend (24) said that I’m not allowed to criticise slavery because I’m white-passing. He said that I would’ve lived a “comfortable life” under slavery. We argued and now he’s giving me the silent treatment.

TL;DR I am biracial (Black/White) and my BF is white. We were discussing slavery and he said that I have no right to criticise slavery because I look racially ambiguous/white-passing. He said that I shouldn’t complain because I would’ve lived a good life in that era as a mistress of a slaveowner. I called him an ignorant idiot and now he’s so offended that he won’t speak to me.

We’ve been in a relationship for four years and live together. For both of us it’s the first serious relationship and although it hasn’t always been easy, we’ve never had any significant problems. We are on the same page on most topics (racism, politics, finances etc) or so I thought at least.

Now with all these issues going on we’ve been talking about race a bit more than usual. For the record, I’m biracial but I have what most consider “Eurocentric” features so a lot of times people can’t really tell where I’m from.

Fast forward to a few days ago. We were watching 12 Years A Slave and I made some comments about how horrible slavery was. That’s when he dropped the bomb that I actually shouldn’t criticise slavery at all since I look white enough that I would’ve benefited from the system. (Honestly it felt like he wanted to say that for a long time). I asked him wtf he meant by that and he said me complaining about racism belittles the experience of black people.

I told him that I wouldn’t have benefitted from slavery at all since I’m literally 50% black despite my looks. He said that even if I didn’t directly benefit, I would’ve lived a “comfortable” life in that era. I asked how and he said slaveowners kept mixed women as mistresses so I would’ve spent most of my time being treated well and “popping out white babies”. He made it sound like it was a complete luxury. At this point I was so appalled that I called him an ignorant idiot and we started arguing.

He said that I’m just an “exotic looking white girl” who’s trying to feel oppressed and that I’m just as privileged as him. I told him that he really has no idea what he’s talking about and then he started ignoring me. We haven’t spoken for a few days (although he tried to initiate sex a few times and seems to be warming up to me again) and I really don’t know what to do. He’s never said something so ridiculous. I’m just so angry at his stupid comments and immaturity.