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World Domination

alien_fx_fiend
Apr 26th, 2021
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  3. DR. EVILS 10 POINT PLAN TO WORLD DOMINATION
  4.  
  5. Are you bored and tired of failing to take over the world? Well fear not as Dr. Evil has unleashed his 10 points to world domination. Take it away.
  6.  
  7. Point 1: Invent a plan that will ensure your control of Earth, even though it will result in huge areas of the world being destroyed or poisoned.
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  9. Point 2: Buy a grey safari suit, and adapt it to look a bit commie and nerdy. For now on, no one sees you nude.
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  11. Point 3: Acquire exotic pets. Siamese cats, sharks, octopi or one of those dogs with 'granny's neck' skin.
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  13. Point 4: Recruit bodyguards, strong silent types. To keep them on their toes regularly punish them by death.
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  15. Point 5: Establish a top secret base in one of the world's most photogenic locations not too far from a scuba-equipment hire company, and a international airport.
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  17. Point 6: Don't forget to build a secret escape pod. If you need to use it, pretend to bo going to the toilet.
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  19. Point 7: Tell everyone crucial details of your evil scheme. You'll enjoy it more if you share it.
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  21. Point 8: Ensure your base is stockpiled with huge quantities of high explosives and volatile propellants.
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  23. Point 9: When issuing your final ultimatum, get to the point and never negotiate.
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  25. Point 10: Say to a secret agent "I've been expecting you"- even if you haven't.
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  31. OPERATION: GELLEAUX
  32. My Plan For World Domination
  33. )...
  34. SECURITY ERROR 0x4b454c4d
  35. BREACH DETECTED
  36. _
  37. Welcome, agents, to my plan for World Domination!
  38.  
  39. Follow the links to view your briefing. You will be contacted as soon as your assistance is required. Until then, blend into your surroundings. Good Luck.
  40.  
  41.  
  42. Study Phase 1.
  43. *I'm not mad-- I just have an uncommon vision. You understand.
  44.  
  45. Phase 1
  46. Dump enough gelatin into the world's oceans to solidify them.
  47. Phase 2
  48. Fund a world domination bid by opening a chain of lucrative fish mines.
  49. Phase 3
  50. Use the fish-mining profits to finance the design, manufacture, and marketing of a line of suppository air fresheners with names like "Floral Burst", "Cinnamon Blast" and "Potpourri".
  51. Phase 4
  52. Once the public accepts the idea of rectal air fresheners, start putting tiny radio receivers in them, to receive broadcasts from a microphone in the Secret World Domination Control Center deep in a fish mine tunnel.
  53. Phase 5
  54. Everyone will start to listen to the voices coming out of their butts. Start with simple confidence-building statements, like "Gosh Darnit, People Like Me", then move to "Damnit, I'm Good Enough To Be One Of Kevin's Minions", then on to suggestions and commands that will assemble my world-wide Army of Evil.
  55. Phase 6
  56. Use the army to install air freshener suppositories in everyone on Earth, by force if necessary. Television campaigns will extol the virtues of floral-scented flatulence.
  57. Phase 7
  58. Once the whole world is tuned into my rectal broadcasts, the mind-turning voices will go 24 hours a day and they will all be instructed to sign their lives over to me. They will all be tested on mental and physical standards. The French will collectively fail the "Not Being Pompous Jerks" test.
  59. Phase 8
  60. The cream of the crop will be selected-- one million of the smartest, most fit individuals will be moved to secret colonies in fish mines around the planet. Artificial preservatives will be added and the walls of the mines will be heated and melted to envelop that lucky few, perfectly preserving them in indefinite hibernation.
  61. Phase 9
  62. The remaining 6 billion or so will be returned to their normal lives except for the mood and tone of their rectal broadcasts, which will turn dark and foreboding, putting everyone into crappy moods, thus accelerating the already-inevitable demise of Mankind.
  63. Phase 10
  64. 50-100 years later, when the rest of Mankind has extincted itself, my One Million Perfect People will be removed from their gelatinous cocoons and they will be spread over the Earth to rebuild the world in my image.
  65. Phase 11
  66. When the world has been rebuilt, the computer containing my mental engrams will be awakened and I will take my rightful place as the guiding force of Mankind!
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