TIFU by clogging YET ANOTHER toilet

Hi all.

Unsurprisingly I find myself logging back into my anon account to post about this because, similarly to Britney Spears, Oops I did it again. feel free to check my post history.

Obligatory not today but in February.

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tl;dr: I clogged a small, local convenience store toilet taking a massive shit and left the poor employees with the aftermath. This isn't the first time I've done this.

For context, I seem to have a chronic toilet clogging issue. This issue has become frequent enough that I can and will use any bathroom besides the one in my house whenever possible.

Typically this works out well, as my colon seems to strike only when I have a lingering or personal connection to the toilet, such as my home or work one. My best guess for this is that it can sense a peaceful relationship and enjoys home wrecking.

Anyway, onto my most recent horror story.

I had just gotten into the car for a 3 day stay in a different state which was followed by a two day road trip. I am quite familiar and comfortable with waiting days between bowel movements so the first two days were uneventful. At the third day (after no poop and normal eating habits), I started to get a bit worried, but figured things would run their course (in a public bathroom, of course) eventually.

I had no idea of the trials that were to come.

It was not until the sixth poop free day, once I had arrived home, that I felt the urge. Slightly frightened but excited to finally feel some relief, I pack myself into the car (already, I had known that this beast I was about to birth would not be contained by the delicate temperament of my home toilet).

I decide to go to a local convenience store (keep in mind that this is a small town, and this is one of the only convenience stores). My thinking was that I could retrieve a few snacks after my battle with the brown serpent and the cashiers would be none the wiser. I cannot believe I let myself think that.

This convenience store is one where you need to ask the cashiers to borrow the bathroom key. So I walk in, nonchalantly, and ask the unsuspecting girl for the key. Meanwhile, the zucchini in my gut is moving around like a bobber on a lake. Clenching valiantly, I walk as normally as possible to the back of the store where the bathroom is and sit down. After a few minutes of pushing (which should have warned me), I finally am relieved of the monster. Ignoring the fact that my butthole will probably never recover, I stand up and turn to finally look upon my enemy. And I see a truly terrifying form. Cresting out of the water, the shit is so long I can't even see where it ends. It disappears into the bottomless pit that is the hole of the toilet. By my quick estimate there was easily more than one foot (12 WHOLE INCHES) of long, straight material visible in the bowl. Horrified at myself, I push down on the lever. The toilet gives a weak chug and immediately gives up and starts to overflow. Throughout that the log did not even move, its weight keeping it adhered to the bowl like a child to its mother. I quickly wash my hands and attempt to walk (difficult with an anus stretched as wide as a mason jar) out of the bathroom, leaving the employees to deal with the aftermath of my battle.

I have resolved to never return to that store.

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