Agent Nonimo - Ch. 001

Jan 13th, 2017
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  1. >You’re Pepe Anónimo
  2. >You live in a small apartment on the 15th floor in Rafael Calzada
  3. >This is a hot summer night
  4. >It so hot, not even your big fan can make the air bearable in your room
  5. >Thankfully you’re alone
  6. >At least you can be in underpants
  7. >Shitposting in /mlp/ is your only distraction
  8. >For dinner, you’re eating an entire family sized mozzarella pizza with faina and beer
  9. >Let’s see what’s new on the board
  10. >Speaking about shitpost…
  11. >Come on, this faggot must be new here
  12. >You mean, Role play?
  13. >Anonymous 04/0X/1X(Sat)01:19:14 No.44444438
  14. >IMG_5477.jpg (Discord photo) Hi fellow bronies, Discord here. I’m going to take anyone who replies to this thread and gets the 44444444 post to Equestria. Go on and try your luck ;)
  15. >...
  16. >0 replies
  17. >I’m bored, let’s try
  18. >”Hi Discord, how’re you doing?”
  19. >Here goes nothing
  20. >Send
  21. >Hmmm, I got the get
  22. >Was fun at least
  24. >Weird, the monitor makes a weird buzz noise
  25. >Buzzing grows louder
  26. >The screen’s glass start to crack slowly
  27. >1 reply to your post
  28. >Anonymous 04/0X/1X(Sat)01:16:21 No.44444449
  29. > >.>44444444
  30. >”Pretty good, congratulations Pepe”
  31. >Wait what
  32. >The PC goes off
  33. >Fucking old piece of trash
  34. >The fan stops for an instant and then starts to work again spinning backwards
  35. >A small tornado comes out from the room center
  36. >Suddenly an earthquake starts
  37. >What the hell is going on!
  38. >You run toward a table and duck under it
  39. “HEEELP” you shout in terror
  40. >”Do you need a hand?”
  41. >That voice...
  42. >The earthquake and the wind stops
  43. >Slowly, you come out from under the table
  44. >You readjust your vision
  45. >You finally lost it
  46. >So many years of hypnosis, tulpas, and waifuism led you to this
  47. >Because there’s no way in front of you is the spirit of Chaos itself
  49. >”Hey, can you please stop with your ‘intellectual’ internal monologue? Geez, humans are so rude sometimes. I give you a great and fantastic show and how do you thank me? They just stay there without saying a word. I mean, what happened? A cat got your tongue” He looks at his lion paw. “Oh sorry, is this yours?”
  50. >Wait a second, where’s your tongue... Of course  in his paw, where else? “Oh sorry, here you have it” and he puts your tongue again into your mouth
  51. >You start to spit out all the fur your tongue got in the draconequus paw
  52. >”OK, before anything else, congratulations Pepe for being the winner of my contest. So, what would you like to be in the wonderful and amazing nation of Equestria?”
  53. >You don’t say anything, you keep looking at him in disbelief
  54. >”I see I see, you don’t want to--”
  55. “Wait!” you shout at him
  57. >A cocky smile grows in his face
  58. “Ok, yes! I want to go”
  59. >”Well, what species do you want to be?”
  60. “I guess an alicorn is too much hehehe” you joke
  61. >”That’s right, it requires too much magic to do it”
  62. >This is a tough decision… for all I know about dragons, they are pretty douches like the griffons. And being a cute pony would be cool. But...what kind? Earth Pony? Nah, lame. Unicorn? That could be kinda cool, but the only ones which can make interesting things are the powerful and trained like Twilight or Starlight. A pegasus... Well, almost everyone in the show can fly and that’s an advantage.
  63. “Can I be a Pegasus?”
  64. >”Yes, but you have to start like a young one however, you can choose if you want to be a filly or a colt”
  65. >Let’s see, would be interesting to be a filly, but… in most of the stories about Anonfilly she doesn’t have a happy ending. Without to mention how much you love your dong.
  66. “A colt…”
  67. >”Alright, I’ll make some magic” and he snaps his talon
  69. >A poof later, you feel your body different, you have a large barrier, a grip, a trigger… wait a second….
  71. >That bastard!
  72. >He just transformed you in a damn gun!
  73. >In your range, you shoot all over the place
  74. >Discord starts to laughs his ass off
  75. >”But you told me you wanted to be a colt…” He gasps “Ah, do you mean a pegasus colt? Sorry” and he giggles
  76. >He snaps his talon and in a second your body starts to change
  77. “Bang bang bang bang… wait am I still a gun?”
  78. >”You want to be one?” He says while he rubs his talon with a nail file
  79. “No, no. Now this it’s okay…”
  80. >You go to your bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror
  81. >You look so cool
  82. >Your coat is light blue and you have a green mane with three shades
  83. >Wow, horse cock looks weird
  84. >”If you already have had enough fun with your body, we shall go to Equestria my young and” he pinches your cheeks “adowable cowt”
  85. >You take out his paw with your hoof “Ok, ok. But can I take some luggage?”
  86. “Alright but quick, we don’t have much time”
  88. >And you find your old handbag that you used years ago in the graduation trip to Bariloche. You put your old walkman, a 99999 in 1 brick game, some cassette tapes and a baseball bat, just in case.”
  89. >You take a look at a portrait of your parents “Sorry I have to leave you, but a candy vag is a candy vag. OK, I’m ready”
  90. >”Prepare yourself then” and he snaps his talon
  91. >*poof*
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