Catullus Paper

Catullus: The Foulest Friend
Many believe that all poetry is some deep insight into life, beauty, love, and other dreck. Others believe that poetry is the domain of high art and cultured individuals. These people have never read the works of Catullus. An aristocratic Roman poet who influenced such great names as Ovid and Virgil, Catullus’s poems were respected during his life. The poems My Things Back Please, Stop Stealing the Napkins, What a Book! and Beyond the Grave suggest that while he valued friendship and fairness, Catullus was as witty as he was petty.

Dinner parties were common affairs for the Roman aristocracy. At one such dinner party, an acquaintance by the name of Thallus stole Catullus’s cloak, Spanish napkin, and Bithynian painted ware. Catullus’s response, in typical fashion, was the poem Catullus 25- My Things Back, Please: To Thallus. Upon first reading, one might wonder what is so special about a napkin that it merits calling Thallus “Thallus the Sodomite, softer than rabbit’s fur / or goose-grease, or the tip of the ear / or an old man’s slack penis mouldy with spider-webs / and that same Thallus more rapacious than a wild storm.” (25: My Things Back, Please 1-4) Even while bearing in mind that to Romans, a napkin was a non-disposable bolt of cloth closer to a handkerchief, the language here is unusually strong for such a minor offense. It is possible that this poem was written shortly after the discovery of Thallus’s trespass, and Catullus was simply overcome with a sense of betrayal that a man he invited into his home would steal from him. The poem continues, Catullus demanding that Thallus “Now, unglue them from your talons, and return them, / lest those soft little flanks and tender fingers / are shamefully written over with the mark of the lash.” (25: My Things Back, Please  9-11) This is a threat of involving the law, as lashing was a common punishment for theft.

This is not the first time an acquaintance has stolen Catullus’s napkins. In an earlier poem, Catullus 12- Stop Stealing The Napkins!: to Assinius Marrucinus, Catullus chastises Assinius for a similar offense. Catullus asks of him, “Do you think that’s witty? Get lost, you fool: / it’s such a sordid and such an unattractive thing.” (12- Stop Stealing the Napkins! 4-5) Catullus goes on to reveal that Assinius’ brother has tried to pay off the theft, believing that it can be made right with financial restitution. Catullus refuses the offer, and declares that the thief should “So expect three hundred hendecasyllables / or return my napkin, whose value / doesn’t disturb me, truly, / it’s a remembrance of my friends. / Fabullus and Veranius sent me the gift, / napkins from Spain: they must be cherished / as my Veranius and Fabullus must be.” (10-16)

From these poems, it seems that Catullus was not concerned about the financial impact of these thefts. According to John Goodwin’s Reading Catullus, “…the offence was one against taste and friendship, rather than simply against property.” (102) His anger was not directed at the fact he was wronged, but the fact that he was wronged by men he trusted. This is indicative of a man who cares deeply about the trust between hosts, and more so about the trust between friends.

Catullus, naturally, had a number of friends outside of Fabullus and Veranius. Judging by Catullus 14: What a book! To Calvus, one of the closest was Calvus, a lawyer and poet. After all, Catullus opens the poem with the statement that he loves Calvus more than his eyes. As a gift to such a close friend, Calvus sent a book of poetry. The book in question is one that Catullus viewed as “…an amazing, immortal book! / That you sent, of course, to your Catullus, / so he might immediately die, / on the optimum day, in the Saturnalia!" (14: What a Book, 12-16). This reaction is light-hearted, and one that shows that this is not an unexpected- or unwelcome- gift. This seems to be something he finds amusing, like a modern audience watching a B-Movie. Indeed, like many whose friends show them a horrible movie, Catullus vows revenge: “Now when it’s light enough I’ll run / to the copyists bookstalls, I’ll acquire / Caesius, Aquinus, Suffenus, / all of the poisonous ones. / And I’ll repay you for this suffering.” (14: What a Book, 18-22)

Through this friendship with Calvus, we see a more gentle side of Catullus. Catullus wrote Catullus 96: Beyond the Grave: To Calvus upon the passing of Calvus’ beloved Quintillia. The passage that jumps out at the reader is lines 5 and 6: “surely Quintillia’s not so much sad for her early death, / as joyful for your love.” (Beyond the Grave) These are powerful words. Words made even more powerful by the drop of Catullus’ usual jibes and jabs, his vulgarity, the excess of his language. This poem was a heartfelt message to a friend in need.

Many of his poems were addressed to their subject specifically. In Catullus and his World, P.T. Wiseman suggests that this meant the poems were sent to the subject in question, like a letter (Wiseman, 126). This would mean that Catullus sent these poems with the intent of being read, an oddity in an era when orators were considered the greatest of authors. These poems were not intended for the masses, but for the social circles in which Catullus traveled.

Translated with more modern language, these poems don’t seem too out of place as the problems of a modern man. After all, they are about the relationships between people, and that is truly a timeless subject. My Things Back Please becomes “Thallus, you jerk, return my stolen property. I know you have it, I’ve seen you flaunting it like some kind of heirloom. You can return it peacefully, or I’ll call the cops.” Stop Stealing The Napkins! becomes “Asinius, you stole from me while I was distracted at dinner. Do you think that’s funny? No, let me tell you what’s funny: Your brother Pollionius thinks that your crimes can be forgiven with enough money. Now THAT’S funny. So give me back the fine Spanish silk that my friends got me.” What a Book! becomes the story of two friends exchanging bad movies at Christmas, vowing revenge on each other for the suffering the movies bring.

	While very little is known about Catullus, we can reconstruct parts of his life and personality from his poetry. He becomes incensed at theft, and values his friendships. He and his close friends exchange low-quality poetry during the Saturnalia as a sort of gag gift. He is capable of both vicious insults and friendly jests.