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- This is officially the stupidest thing I’ve ever done and my family has been giving me shit about it since, so I thought why not get made fun of by the internet as well.
- Alright, so I’m an artist who likes to paint with oil paint, so I naturally have lots of turpentine around the house. I also happen to drink a shit ton of water everyday for literally no reason at all, and I can’t drink water from the tap because I’m living in a third world country and I don’t want to contract tuberculosis. Therefore, my only option is to drink bottled water (I know, horrible for the environment), so I try to reuse the bottles as much as possible. I’m sure you know where this is going.
- I usually keep my turpentine in these plastic bottles, but I label them and make sure that it’s obvious it’s not water. Well, one day I was feeling tired and I guess I forgot to label one bottle of turpentine and I left it out in the open. Right as I was going to sleep, I turned the lights off and drank from what I thought was a bottle of water. Big mistake.
- Turns out the fucking consistency of turpentine is absolutely disgusting, and it burns your throat to all hell and back as you swallow it. Who would have thought.
- I quickly ran to check what the bottle of turpentine said and I kid you not that thing literally said “DANGER: FATAL IF SWALLOWED” in bold. So fuck me right.
- I had to be rushed to the hospital because while my family thought I was slowly dying and there were literally corona patients in the same floor as me. Turns out turpentine also gives you the shits, and I had the loudest and most explosive diarrhea for an entire day. Whoever the nurse is who had to clean up that crime scene, I’m sorry.
- TLDR: I splattered shit all over the toilet seat and wall and I need new pants.
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