In Depth Interrogation Review

In Depth Interrogation Review

First of all, your prose is a bit unrefined. There's typos and errors here and there, along with some questionable choices in syntax. Just to list a few:

Line 23: "So far, our captive has proven himself to be quite [reticent] to provide anything of use..."

Reluctant is the word you are looking for. Reticent would work, however, if you removed "to provide anything of use."

Line 23: "...he is starting to grow[...]infatuated with me..."

The highlighted ellipsies are an odd thing to see in a written log. If it is a voiced log, then it is fine, but there should be some indication of that either in the name of the entry or simply by putting quotation marks around the entire section.

Line 32. "The Autarch who had taken it upon herself to lead his questioning was [SMILING]..."

All caps is a very cheap, amateurish way of emphasizing a word. Considering you spend the next sentence or two explaining why her smiling is so unusual, the emphasis is really unnecessary.

Lines 44 through 54. "[...]"

Here you use ellipses constantly in the spoken dialogue. Far, far too often by any standards. They are a nifty tool for denoting pauses in conversations, but it's technically improper and the less attention you call to it, the better. One or two snuck-in things like that is usually fine, though.

Line 58. "Pleasedon'tkillmeAutarchpleasepleaseletme-"

No spaces is a similar problem. While it is dialogue, and you are trying to convey that he's speaking very quickly, it's usually better to just describe how he is speaking after the dialogue than try to visually portray it through words.

Line 66. "...struggling (particularly when she forced her tongue into his mouth)..."

Parentheses are generally frowned upon for creative writing, because they break the smooth flow of prose. Consider rephrasing the sentence and including the same phrase some other way. They're great for technical writing, though. You use parentheses later as well, I'd recommend removing those instances too.

Line 68. "...the mon'keigh she had been assigned to question be given a very[...]intimate look at Eldar supremacy."

Ellipses do not belong in third person narration. While you can get away with one or two in spoken dialogue, there is no excuse for the narrator to be using them unless the narrator is an actual character telling a story verbally.

Line 70. "...leaving only the necklace carrying her soul stone and what appeared to be a blue and yellow bikini with red gemstones set into it visible."

This is a run-on sentence. It needs to be reworked.

Line 131. "...she leaned in towards him to present her chest to him [once more], and sure enough he started fondling her [once again]."

Pick one, ditch the other one.

That's a lot of advice already so I'll leave it at that. There's more important things to discuss, anyways.

The plot is mediocre. Admittedly, I've seen much flimsier excuses for smut before. I've written much flimsier excuses for smut before. It's driven by the characters, which is good, but it can be summed up as "Kayleth indulges herself on a mon'keigh". It doesn't feature character arcs or anything like that. I know this is your first time and that you probably need a bit more practice before you set out to write something as intensive as a story with one or two solid character arcs, but just keep that in mind. That's how you write stories worth reading.

The dialogue is a bit cheesy, really. Cheesy, generic, maybe a bit soulless. It's mainly all the things Kayleth says to Silon. It doesn't sound very real, in other words. It's classic smutfic dialogue.

The characters are understandably minimal given that it is a rather short smutfic. Choosing a canon, established character as the focus may or may not have been a good idea in that respect. On the one hand, she has an established personality that you can exploit, but it also means you don't really have much room to grow in a believable manner that is respectful to the source material.

Now, Kayleth is far from a complex character, she doesn't have the sort of fanon backing her that Taldeer or Macha pack. That is why I am willing to overlook the hints of a larger romance at hand. She could very well be the kind of woman who's a real hardass on the surface but mushy as fuck under her shell. While I personally would prefer if the potential future romance angle was dialed back a notch, and Kayleth was much more straightforward about it just being a booty call, I can't say that it's an objectively bad thing either. It is simply something that I feel concern over.

Silon's not much to speak of. We don't really get all that much characterization for him. The only notable quality he possesses is that he's submissive, and even then he still tops Kayleth in the end. He's something of a blank slate, and that's not great. I am aware that he was your biggest concern during the writing of this fic. I believe that making him so submissive was a mistake in the end, as you do not really play up his sub-nature to her dom-nature during the smut, or at least, nowhere near as much as you could have.

Speaking of the smut, it was rather brief. Of course, this is to be expected from a first-timer. It is fine for the most part, except (personally) for the bit where he tops Kayleth, which feels wrong for something that's supposed to be about femdom. I mean, if they knew each other better and there actually was some sort of romantic stirrings between them? Sure, I could see them switching out, but Kayleth seems like a lady who knows what she wants and how to get it. Also, there is this part here:

Line 131-135. "...and even he knew that Kayleth's increasingly loud moans could mean only one thing- which is why he was surprised when she suddenly stopped.

'Wait one moment...I need to lie down, then we can finish.'

Acting on instinct, Silon spread her legs open and managed to re-enter Kayleth as she grabbed onto his arms."

As you can see, you don't actually mention that she lies on her back here, which can be confusing to the reader.

Overall, it's not bad for a first time fic, but it could use a lot of work. You should feel good for getting out there and doing your own fic, in any case. Hopefully this has been a solid learning experience for you, and if you have any questions, like for clarifications and such, do not hesitiate to ask. The best way to improve from here is to just keep writing, get more experience under your belt and so on.