1. “Me makes 18”
2. “Centrifugal force is shuttle run” (running back and forth)
3. “Are any of you in College volleyball?? High school volleyball??” (talking to an
8th grade class)
4. “You can stop a car by holding on to it’s bumper”
5. “Do 90° angle push-ups, not right angle push-ups”
6. “This is Physical Education, P.E., not fun time”
[A Student’s thoughts]: Right…what have I learned…?
7. *Hits “power serve” into volleyball net*
*Net begins to sag*
8. *On the field*
“We’ll only use this, not the field”
9. “6 4 6 4 6 4 uh…*pause* 18!”
10. “There is no strategy in sports”
11. “There is strategy in running a mile”
12. “Reset!”
13. “What do you want to do?”
*Class answers*
“Well we’re not doing that”
14. “You should bump people when you need to, like this”
*Bumps student to the ground*
“See, I’m teaching you guys the fundamentals of basketball”
15. “I can jump a two mile river and a one mile bridge”
16. “I can run away from a raving mad dog”
17. “You do pull-ups so when you’re hanging off a cliff you can pull yourself up
[A Student’s thoughts]: Right…and I would want to go up and down the
cliff face because…
“We’re playing by NC double AA rules”
18.
19. “Don’t drop my burger, it’s my dinner”
20. He cheats during games
Example: 1) changes rules mid-way during a game
2) Thinks he’s always right
3) Thinks he’s pro and we’re so noob
4) Thinks he knows all the rules for all the games
He insults us
21.
Example: 1) “Finally [Girl Student’s name] serves.” *in volleyball*
2) “You were standing around during your play”
[A Student’s thoughts]: Yeah, like you can do better…
22. “Hit me with that ball! Something that soft can’t knock me out”
23. “Do you want to run or play???”
*Class answers: ‘play’*
“You want to run!?”
24. *Blood runs out of student’s nose*

“You don’t have a bloody nose”
25. *Hits [Student] to the ground*
“Oh, [Student’s name] is trying to get me! Good defense!”
26. *Runs into Student*
“The ball hit [Student’s name]!”
27. “I was too good to be a cop. I dragged a dummy 5 miles”
28. *Looks at [Student]’s “ready stance”*
“That’s not ready!” *serves without warning*
“See! You’re not ready! You have to keep moving, like this!” *wobbles around like a
crab as if he were in basketball in a square with 5 other people in it*
29. “In police training, you have to jump over a two mile wall”
Student asks “Did you?”
“I was too short”
30. “Are you in?!”
[Student] replies “Yes, we are in”
“Go run, I don’t like the way you answered that”
31. “Fine, you can play dodgeball if you let me eat my spice chicken taco”
32. Class tells [PE Teacher] “We have to do our play”
“Ok.” *follows the class*
*10 minutes later*
“This is boring”
33. Two students tell [PE Teacher]: “We have to work on our comedy act”
“You should ask me for help. I do professional stand-up comedy”
34. *Hits heart*
[Student] asks “Doesn’t that hurt your heart???”
“No, my hearts over here” *points to stomach*
35. *Shoves [Student] to the ground*
“Oh… [Student’s name], you kick my butt! Good defense!”
[Student’s thoughts]: o.O?! My feet were on the ground…
36. “Murphy’s Law is advanced math
37. “We have to do an instant replay on that.” *does stupid sound effect*
38. “No, you have to dive!” *points to cement*
39. *points to columns of students*
“I want you guys to be in horizontal rows”
40. “There’s no such thing as a good try. But it was a good attempt”
41. *Does 3 pull-ups on monkey bars* “See that was professional!”
*Later in the day, another teacher walks up to the bars and does 20 army-style
pull-ups without sweating*
42. “I know a lot of basketball moves!”
*Jumps on [Student] while yelling* “See, that’s a professional move: The bear-
hump!
43. “Strip him!”
44. *Teaches class how to “jump farther*

In High school, I could jump 21 feet. I was the champ!”
*Jumps as far as he can to show the class*
*Waves legs while in the air and lands on his ass*
“That was a ballerina move!”
45. Class is playing kickball
“Foul!”(The kick was not a foul, it was as plain as day)
Majority of the class replies: “What?!”
“Everybody who said what go run”
*Everybody in the class but 3 people start running*
*The class runs for ¾ of a mile*
“Stop running” *The class continues running, ignoring him*
*When the class does stop, he starts lecturing*
46. Outside it’s raining
*[PE Teacher] comes into the room*
“I’m going to teach you all the Electric Slide cause when in dances, when
everybody’s doing it, you’ll know how too!”
[Student’s thoughts]: The Electric Slide is for nerds who can’t dance…who does
he think we are?
47. One of the Kickball rules he made up: When you get a run, you get an out taken
off
48. *During Departure*
“Stop eating!”
*[Student] stops eating, but resumes eating later* ([Student] is in Extended Care
and isn’t actually leaving until later on in the day)
“I thought I told you to stop eating!”
*Throws snack into garbage can*
*[Student] starts crying*
49. “What do you guys want to do?”
[Student] answers “Soccer!” *most of the class agrees*
“No, we’ve already played a lot soccer this year”
Class replies “No, we haven’t we’ve only played it twice”

50. On the date of October 14th, 2007, this P.E. teacher was…FIRED!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes I know it’s know 2008 yet but w/e how else was I supposed to end this