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Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace,
You're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out but do you know what you are while you're in there? European,
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable,
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness,
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says Sorry we don’t serve food here,
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1,
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse,
CASHIER: Would you like the milk in a bag sir? DAD: No just leave it in the carton!,
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans,
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.,
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.,
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.,
Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.,
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh? She wanted a lot of male in her box.,
I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield. it said parking fine.,
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!,
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.,
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her,
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&M,
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.,
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? Omg, donut seeds!,
Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.,
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months when the box said two to four years.,
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has please turn over written on both sides.,
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop.,
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one!,
Jokes about menstruation just aren’t funny. Period,
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up and the doctor tells him You need to stop masturbating. The man asks Why The doctor replies Because I’m trying to examine you,
You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No? Well well well.,
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing they fast.,
What do you call a Mexican man leaving the hospital? Manuel,
Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died? He pasta way,
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? José and Hose B.,
I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O,
The Past The Present and The Future walked into a bar. It was tense,
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box,
Yo mama is so old that her memory is in black and white,
Yo mama is so ugly that her pillow cries at night,
What’s 6 inches long 2 inches wide and drives women wild?A 100 dollar bill!,
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.,
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.,
Why can’t you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.,
Girl: Hey what’s up? Boy: If I tell you will you sit on it?,
What's a porn star’s favorite drink? 7 Up in cider,
Whats 72? 69 with three people watching,
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said You should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.,
What do you call an afghan virgin? Never bin laid on,
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together,
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