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- >Your name is Anonymous McMoot
- >Because fuck you, that's why
- >For once in your life, you are not locked in mortal kombat, nor undergoing some kind of transformative revelation from a too-many-fingered (phrasing), blue gremlin, or even cuddled up with your impossible girlfriend Janna
- >Instead, you're home, with your mom, eating tendies and letting the time pass
- >For the sake of all anons reading, please not the lack of capitalization for mom
- >Even in fanfiction, your asses aren't that lucky
- >m:"Sweetie?"
- >A:"Mm?"
- >Mom shifts in her seat beside you, an almost... serious look on her face
- >She looks like she's about to start talking
- >m:"...."
- >Stops, takes a long pull of her Generic Beer(tm) and looks you dead in the eye
- >m:"Have I ever told you of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
- >You crack a smile and share a laugh with her
- >Fwew, for a sec, you'd thought some dramatic reveal was about to fuck you up
- >m:"No but seriously, I need to tell you about your conception."
- >A:"HahahaHABAGHWAH!?!"
- >You don't even get a moment to object, she just barrels straight into it
- >All you can do is sit their, a captive audience to a snuff film docudramedy
- >Your mind screams into the endless void in some vain attempt to scramble your mother's hostile transmission, but alas, snippets sneak past your defenses, leaving psychic craters on your already pock-marked soul
- >m:"It was a dark and stormy night..."
- >AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
- >m:"...-ad a few drinks, and he was just so funny I-..."
- >-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
- >m:"...-ings got pretty hot and heavy. He layed me down on a garbage pile and made me his Queen, doing things to me tha-"
- >-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
- >m:"-p and down, back and forth, left and right, we left dents in the brick wall behind us! Oh god, then things got really crazy when h-"
- >-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
- >m:"-old him to "Blow a dozen kids up inside me like a preschool!" and he just screamed-"
- >-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
- >m:"-"DIRT MOTHER!" and held me tight!"
- >A:"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHFUCKING WHAT!?"
- >Mom just shrugs and takes another swig as blood drips from your ears and raw agony scrapes your throat.
- >m:"And I never saw him again. But then your dad saw me laying there in the muck, gave me a lift, and the rest was history."
- >You stare, incredulous.
- >Why?
- >What?
- >How?
- >Fuck?
- >You don't notice when she stands up and kisses your forehead
- >You only briefly shift to catch her when she takes two steps from the table and collapses
- >Numbness subsumes every fiber of your being
- >In the dead of night, muffled by your window, you think you hear it
- >That siren cry
- >DB:"Dirrrrrrt brrrrotherrrrrr!"
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