None Unturned

You always remember your first time.

Of course you do, it’s an emotional moment, the way your stomach turns into a cold pit along with exhilaration rushing through the rest of your body.

It’s always different for each person as well.

Sometimes it’s messy, requiring that hurried embarrassed cleanup, and with others its relatively clean, requiring little else but to awkwardly go along with your day. It was messy my first time, and I’m glad that since then it’s never been like that.

My first time wasn’t fun, nor was it consensual, and by God was it messy.

He was a school bully, back when I went to a normal high school that is. He had me backed into the girl’s locker room, how he managed to avoid the teachers I’ll never know, but it wasn’t long before he had me on the cement. He was whispering things in my ear as he fumbled with my uniform, I guess he thought he was doing me a favor somehow, and I almost let him get what he’s after when my hand closes around my bag.

The blow is unexpected, and sends him rolling off me, leaving him open to the torrent of swings I lay on him. I was relentless, repressed anger from being tormented by him and his ilk, and this was the perfect vent for it all. He tries to scream as I wail on him, this weak whimper escaping his lips as I drop the bag and begin to choke the life out of him.

I guess I was squeezing too hard, side effect of the adrenaline I think, my hands digging hard enough into his neck to break the skin and blood starts flowing. It trickled slowly at first then before I knew it, my hands were stained bright red, and he was gone. His eyes glazed over as he let out a final death rattle, and his body went slack under me.

Like I said, messy, but I’m glad it’s not like that anymore.

This time it’s clean, one simple knife cut, and the blood soaks up in a towel as I slow the body from falling.

I’m honestly saddened by this really, never thought I’d do something like this again, but I had to protect what’s mine.

Hisao.

They were always so close, spending time together when I wasn’t around, or going into town without me. I almost didn’t expect this from her, she’s been my be- well my only friend since coming to Yamaku, but lately she’s been strangely distant from me. I don’t understand it though, she was so happy when I told her about us being together, and she congratulated me on coming out of my shell so much.

Why would she try to take him from me?

I guess she must’ve been jealous of me, jealous that he chose me over her, and I almost scowl at her expressionless face.

I must say though, she looks beautiful, even with the thin red line across her neck, and I play with her hair a bit while I think of a place to put her. I would choose to leave her here with a fake suicide note, but I kinda shot that out of the water with the neck thing.

I need room to think.

I struggle a bit lifting her onto the bed, preening her still form before turning and beginning to pace around the room.

I play a little game as I think, placing one foot exactly in front of the other, holding my arms out to my side as my mind strains to think of a good place.

I always enjoy these little games, whether it’s the tile game, or just one I come up with on a whim. They always help me push out the world, allowing me to focus directly on whatever I so choose.

I don’t know how much time passes as I pace around, but a stroke of genius finally hits me.

My secret place!

Why didn’t I think of it to begin with!

I’m giddy, almost prancing back to her body with joy, and I check my watch. It’s late, one in the morning, and I know I’ve only got a short time to stow her away.

It’s… not easy carrying her out of the dorms, almost impossible really, I’m not that strong.

Which is why I had to drop her.

Not just drop her mind you; I wrap her in all the blankets I can find in each of our rooms, and I aim for the bushes to soften the fall.

There’s little noise when the body hits the ground, thankfully, and I sneak my way outside to collect her before heading off to my spot.

It’s a little hole in the ground, a small set of steps leading to a 4x8 room with cement walls, and a dirt floor. Around it lays the remains of a cabin, rotted beams sticking out of what’s left of the foundation, and pieces of a long gone roof lying about to complete the look.

I found it not long ago, before Hisao came along, and I used to come here a lot whenever I felt really shitty. It was a nice place to come and scream my lungs out to relieve the pressures of the day, but nowadays I like to spend time with Hisao instead.

I pull a small penlight out of my pocket, illuminating the stairs just enough to let me drag Lilly down into the dank basement, and place her safely in a corner. I feel this massive weight come off my shoulders as I step back into the humid air, covering the entrance with a handful of broken branches, and playing another little game as I make my way back to my room.

This time it’s a skipping game, trying to avoid muddy spots and still keep a steady pace. I don’t do as well with this as I do the tile game, but nothing can really bring me down right now. With Lilly out of the way Hisao is finally completely mine, and I’m practically floating on air.

I sneak back into the dorms, taking a moment to reorganize Lilly’s room the way it was prior to our interaction, and prancing back to my room to sleep.

I start to fall asleep quickly, my eyes drooping as my vision begins to fade, and I can't help but smile as this feeling of contentment washes over me.