Richard Feynman to Arline, 1946

Arline,
I adore you, sweetheart.
I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only write it because you like it —
I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you —
almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am,
stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing,
and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead —
but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me.
I want to have problems to discuss with you.
I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that.
What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together  or learn Chinese or getting a movie projector.
Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed.
You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much.
And now it is clearly even more true; you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else —
but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way.
I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years.
But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it,
for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone —
but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you.

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.