The Nd

N. - Yesterday at 20:59
I cried for an hour today.
My stepmother came in to taunt me.
N. - Yesterday at 21:00
And just now my sweet little sister came up to me and told me if I was gonna cry tommorow I could use her pillow and blanket. Then she gave them to me.
N. - Today at 00:40
You don't really give a shit do yoy
Karyete - Today at 00:55
Alright. Listen carefully, N.

I'm quite honestly tired of you causing drama and aggravation and I'm not the only one. I'll make this crystal clear: you've demonstrated firmly that you do not intend to change your behaviour. Because of that, it's unfair of you to inflict it on other people (whether you realise it or not, you ARE affecting other people with your behaviour) and until you finally get your act together, I don't want anything to do with it, and I can say with confidence that pretty much everybody else feels the same.
We've let this go on for far too long. Seriously: in any other community, you'd have been banned ages ago for some of your actions. So, for your sake and for ours, I highly recommend you do something about this. Once you decide you actually, truly want to change, maybe then I'll listen, but until then I'm afraid I'm going to have to block you. For my sake as well as yours.
N. - Today at 00:55
Wait
Can I just say I've been through a lot today
Karyete - Today at 00:56
You can say what you like(edited)
Doesn't change the point
N. - Today at 00:56
I know
I know everyone hates me
Karyete - Today at 00:56
My advice to you
N. - Today at 00:57
I've been horrible
Horrible
Karyete - Today at 00:57
Read the post. Make the changes.
Then we'll talk.
N. - Today at 00:57
I know but
I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve you to talk to me or anyone from runouw
I've tried to change for 4 years and I just can't
I think I'm just gonna not change but also not bother you guys again
Karyete - Today at 00:58
You can't change because you can't listen.
N. - Today at 00:58
I really really hate your community with a burning passion but I'm just gonna suppress that for now until this conversation is over and all ties are cut
Karyete - Today at 00:58
Seriously.
N. - Today at 00:59
I know I'm horrivle
I'm bring urged to change everyone around me as changed but I cant
I don't deserve anything anymore
Becaus din bad
And I can't chanfe
And I xantkistne
I'm gonna move on with my life and leave you guys behind and just
Stay away from everyone
Avoid everyone
Just
Be alone
N. - Today at 01:00
It's safer for my sake and your sake and you guys sake
And everyone's same
Karyete - Today at 01:00
You've had people throwing themselves at you, staying up until 4am (hello) just to try and help you. You never listened to anything that was said to you, even when you acknowledged it was good advice.
Unfortunately, N, I can't say anybody else can do anything.
N. - Today at 01:00
I knoe
No One can do anything
Just
I'm done asking for help
I don't want to have to rely on people anyway its too dangerous
So I suppose this is beneficial for me
Just as it is for you
Stop trying to help me
Karyete - Today at 01:01
No I'm absolutely done, believe you me.
N. - Today at 01:01
Okay
I've been crying and shaking all day Tbh
The more people hate me the better
Because it means I suffer more
Karyete - Today at 01:02
I don't want to hear it N.
N. - Today at 01:02
Which means I stay away from people more
Karyete - Today at 01:02
We've tried.
N. - Today at 01:02
I just have a question.
Does everyone think of me as some kind of Evil spawn of Supershroom or something like that?
Like does everyone hate me?
Or are they more frustrated?
I know it's one of those.
Possibly both.
Karyete - Today at 01:03
Truthful answer: nobody hates you. But we're all so, so tired of trying to get you to listen.
N. - Today at 01:03
I understand.
You have no idea how much gooder it feels to hear that
But just
Kary can you do me a favor
Ban me from every Runouw server
I don't want to return.
Karyete - Today at 01:04
I'm not doing that.
N. - Today at 01:04
Later I might not be able to hold my anger back and I might try and return and do something reckless
I mean I don't have an invite but still
Karyete - Today at 01:05
Then I'll see to it that you're banned at that stage. And then I'll know that you're really, truly not going to change(edited)
And I'll feel sad
N. - Today at 01:05
But you're not gonna ban me now?
Karyete - Today at 01:05
No.
Unless you decide to do something dumb.
N. - Today at 01:05
I might return in like a few years or something
But I juet
I don't want to interact with people anymore
Only close people
I was abused again today.
I know you don't want to hear it
I'm sorry
Karyete - Today at 01:06
If I were to ban you now, it would contradict all the effort I put into giving you a chance.
N. - Today at 01:06
You gave me a chance.
Why
And it's like you're still giving me a chance
Why
Whu
Why
Karyete - Today at 01:07
Because I know that a) you're not a bad person, and b) you're not trying to change
Not really.
You say you are, but I don't believe that.
N. - Today at 01:07
What do you mean
I say I am what
Karyete - Today at 01:07
Trying to change.
N. - Today at 01:08
I was.
But I gave up
And just now I was having a conversation with my mother about changing. Because of what happened today.
But that is another kind of changing
Not the kind you're concerned with
No. I'm not trying to change.
I'm just trying to move on from arunouw
For everyone's sake
But you say I'm not a bad person. Why?

And if I'm not trying to change why did you give me a chance?
Karyete - Today at 01:09
There isn't much more I can say, N. I mean, the only impression I've ever gotten is that my advice has been tossed aside without thought. So I'm not going to try.
N. - Today at 01:10
Okay.
Karyete - Today at 01:10
I can see things that you can at least try to do to be better. But why should I continue?
There's no point.
N. - Today at 01:10
Yeah
Is it okay with you if I just so what I'm going to do. Leave and not look back?
Maybe come back in 6 or 7 years or something if I actually do change but st this rate I'm not gonna change
Karyete - Today at 01:11
Do as you please, N.
N. - Today at 01:12
I know you already said this but you said nobody hates me right?
Karyete - Today at 01:12
As far as I'm aware, nobody hates you.
N. - Today at 01:12
Okay.
And you are just frustrated at me and angry?
Karyete - Today at 01:13
Angry? No
N. - Today at 01:13
Frustrated then.
Right?
Karyete - Today at 01:13
Frustrated? This is arguably one of the most frustrating things that I've ever been involved in.
N. - Today at 01:13
Im sorry
Not like it matters
Can you archive Starfall and Mafia?
Like don't delete it but don't let more people post on it and stuff
Karyete - Today at 01:14
Mafia is being hosted by Shade. We'll archive Starfall.
N. - Today at 01:14
Just wanna make sure the small contributions I've made are preserved even if they don't matter.
Oof.
Is Shade using the same channels?
Karyete - Today at 01:15
Yes.
N. - Today at 01:15
Oof x2
Okay then that makes sense
Thanks for not losing your temper over me.
After all the horrible things I've done.
I hurt so many people and yet I receive mercy.
Karyete - Today at 01:16
Maybe there's a reason for that.
I'll leave that for you to figure out.
N. - Today at 01:17
No I'm not gonna change. But I will move on.
Move on from Runouw.
I only ask one last favor.
Karyete - Today at 01:17
I'm not going to sugarcoat, N.
If you don't change
You're going to have a truly awful life. And I do not take pleasure in saying that.
Seriously. I'm not joking.
N. - Today at 01:18
Yeah my life is gonna suck.
My brain has processed that but it this point I don't care anymore.
Karyete - Today at 01:19
Whether or not you choose to roll over and take it, or actually make a difference, is entirely in your hands now.
It doesn't affect me anymore.
N. - Today at 01:19
I just want to live a self dependent only life alone now.
Move on.
Yes.
Karyete - Today at 01:20
Why are you so afraid of change, anyway?
N. - Today at 01:20
Just... Move on to something better
It just feels safer to live the way I am...
I know that sounds weird.
It sounds self contradicting and all.
But I feel a lot safer
Emotionally and physically
Karyete - Today at 01:20
Do you not think that's a very cowardly way to live life?
N. - Today at 01:20
If I don't interact with anyway.
No I don't think its cowardly.
Not at all.
If anything I'm just throwing away my dreams of changing the world that I had so often as a young child.
Karyete - Today at 01:21
I see.
N. - Today at 01:21
What does that make you think of me
Karyete - Today at 01:22
I find it truly bizarre.(edited)
N. - Today at 01:22
But why
Karyete - Today at 01:23
Because every day I aspire to make myself a better person, and improve other people's lives as well as my own. I don't understand how somebody could be content with being stuck in their ways, and by doing so sacrificing any and all chances of a good life that they may have.
But that's just my perspective.
Seriously. You're sacrificing so much for so little, and I'm not really able to comprehend that.
N. - Today at 01:24
Because every time I interact with someone it basically turns into this.
I'm just not willing anymore.
I don't want to go out and join any communities anymore.
It just causes trouble.
Karyete - Today at 01:25
I think you need to look inside yourself a bit to find out why.
But you do you.(edited)
N. - Today at 01:25
I know why.
Irl I go through just too much but I don't want to burden you by going into details
Besides I'm not gonna blame this on irl stuff anymore I have done that too much
I should be in control of my actions so what I do should be my fault and no one else's
No. It's my fault I hurt everyone. Not because of my PTSD it's my fault.
And I'm not saying that sarcastically.
I refuse to change.
Its my fault.
Karyete - Today at 01:27
I'm going to wrap up this conversation by saying this:
It's your life. If you're content in being miserable, it's out of my hands or anybody elses. There is officially nothing left for me to do here.
N. - Today at 01:27
Okay.
Karyete - Today at 01:27
But you know you can do better.
N. - Today at 01:28
I'm content with being miserable.
Karyete - Today at 01:28
Suit yourself.
N. - Today at 01:28
Can you do me one last favor?
Karyete - Today at 01:28
It depends.(edited)
N. - Today at 01:28
Don't block me. Please.
I won't even message you or anything.
Maybe in a year or something.
A long time from now. If I decide to change.
Just... It feels horrible to get blocked is all.
Karyete - Today at 01:29
I won't block you on one condition.
N. - Today at 01:29
What is that condition?
Karyete - Today at 01:29
Do not message me until you a) have changed, or b) are willing to change.
N. - Today at 01:30
I understand.
Thank you for trying as hard as you can for everything, even though I have been downright awful to you and all your friends and everyone you know. I really don't deserve any of this and I don't deserve this second chance that hangs in the air.

Until something comes over me I will refuse to change and I will continue to live my life alone this way. Miserable. Because I like it this way, in all honesty. I might not even ever be willing to change. Most likely.

I won't bother the Runouw community again with my presence.

Thank you for everything, Sam. Goodbye.
Karyete - Today at 01:37
Goodbye, Nolan. I hope you have a change of heart later in life.