Batty for My Country (One Shot)

>Day Outsiders Perspective in America
>Be Anonymous
>You awake to a glorious sun in the land of the free and the home of the brave
>Your morning burger awaits you at the kitchen table, alongside your shotgun
>After you devour your breakfast, you hop into a fast shower
>You do not shave as your beard represents freedom and dreams and it would be original sin to remove such a fine specimen
>Today, you are going to visit your friend who works at the fireworks and television factory for lunch
>You hop into your Hummer and grimace at the rising price of gas
>If only there was someway to alleviate the cost of filling your expertly built vehicle
>Alas, you push the thought aside as you see an eagle fly over your home
>Truly a blessed sign from the heavens above!
>With renewed purpose, you start the short drive to your friend's home
>Traffic is a little backed up today, but you rest easy knowing you are well fortified in your military style vehicle
>You almost laugh aloud as you think of how futile it would be for a terrorist to try and attack you now
>With just a few miles ahead of you, you make a quick pit stop at McDonald's for a drink
>Having quenched your mighty American thirst, you continue on
>The day finds your friend well as she waters her flower garden and cools an apple pie on a windowsill
>You drive up onto the grass in your all-terrain vehicle and roll down the window
"Hey, Nightlight! What's up?!"
>The small bat pony turns to you and smiles
>"Oh, hey, Anon! How are you?"
>You put your car in park and hop from the window without opening the door
>Doors let foreigners in and should be treated with scorn as often as possible, you reason
"I'm doing mighty fine on this perfectly free day. I just came by to see how you've been."
>"That's mighty neighborly of you, Anon! I've been mighty fine!"
>You smile at your green-card holding compatriot as she turns off the water
"Beautiful work, Nightlight, how do you get your roses so red?"
>"Simple, Anon! I only use Ameri-Grow. It's recognized by over eleven different gardening societies and has the nutrients that, "[G]ardens crave!™. Plus, it's completely made in America!"
"I bet you'll easily win the neighborhood gardening award this year!"
>"That would be mighty fine! Oh, but that lady across the street always wins."
>You sniff the air at the scent of delicious apple pie and smirk
"Well, your pie is the best around, I bet you'd win that contest, hands -and- hooves down!"
>You smile to her and she returns it with a little giggle
>"Shucks, Anon, you're mighty kind to me."
>You see Nightlight's ears twitch a little before she looks back to you
>"Say, would you like to try a bit of -my- pie?"
>The taste of sweet apple filling over a flaky, warm crust already has you captivated
"Of course, my friend, of course!"
>Nightlight leads you to her doorstep with a little sway in her step and her tail raised just a bit higher than normally
>She must be extra excited about the prospect of this pie and you smile for her grand enthusiasm
>The little mare can cook like no one's business and you find yourself often coming over for supper
>As you enter her immaculate home, you smell lemony clean floors
>Her house is always so neat and clean and you imagine it helps keep her busy
>For some odd reason, Nightlight passes by the kitchen and into her spacious bedroom
"Um, Night, I don't mind eating on the bed, but do you want me to grab some plates?"
>You watch Nightlight strut to her closet and produce a large American flag
>"Mmm, well, when I offered you some pie, I didn't mean the apple kind..."
>You don't follow your friend's odd words
"Well, I certainly don't see any other pie around..."
>Nightlight cuts you off with  a quick click of her tongue
>"You clueless hunk..."
>She wraps the flag around her body and throws herself on the bed
>Her legs spread widely and you witness the lewdness of a mare for the first time
>"I was giving you a chance to taste -my- pie. What do you say, big boy?"
>For a second, you consider the idea of bedding your good friend
>She is an all-American type of pony and doesn't already have a husband
>The idea of holding her, of kissing her warm body in her most delicate of places excites you a bit
>You can already picture running your tongue along her marehood, making her coo with pleasure as you expertly caress every groove in her form
>Possibly, she may go further and sedate her basest desires on your body in a rough, passionate finale
>You approach the willing mare now with a lust previous withheld
>Suddenly, you notice the flag that is wrapped around her has a cheaply placed tag on one end
>You draw it closer and read the most terrifying words of your American life out loud
"M-m-made in China!"
>"What's that, Anon?"
>You grab one edge of the flag and spin Nightlight out of it and onto her belly
>Frantically, you count all the stars and come up with 49
"Nightlight! How could you!? I trusted you!"
>"Wait, Anon! It's not like that!"
>You do not let her speak her peace as you rush to your Hummer with tears in your eyes
"Muh freedoms! Oh, Lord, how could you, Nightlight?"
>Sobbing patriotic tears, you hop back through the window and start your Hummer
>Nightlight watches you from the door with an irritable look on her blushing-red face
>The whole scene is too painful for you as you speed away
>Getting home in record time, you carry your broken self to your bedroom and collapse on your bed
>Your so sick from the whole day that you can't even think of eating
>Well, OK, just a little, but you'll be unhappy while doing it with the knowledge that your once best friend buys merchandise from China
>You hum yourself to sleep to the national anthem while clutching your bald eagle plushie and autographed baseball bat
>Just another day in America, the land where -most- dreams come true