A Thousand Son in Equestria, part 34 (Gonna be a Wild Night)

>Trixie was having a pretty good day, all things considered.
>Anon hadn't been home when she got back, which meant she had time to herself.
>Time to lean back and unwind...
>And indulge herself, of course.
>She made a quick check around the house, making sure the windows were blinded, the door was closed, and that there were no Fluttershys hiding in the cabinets.
>Once she was satisfied, she made her way over to the couch, bringing the bag she'd bought after paying off her debt.
>Finally, some time to hersel-
>You interrupt her quiet time by slamming your front door open and shouting at the top of your considerable lungs.
"TRIXIE. I NEED YOUR HELP. WHAT IS A DATE?"
>The blue unicorn clutches a hoof to her chest as she struggles to keep from having a heart attack.
>After recovering, she silently gets to her hooves, glares at you, and walks past you out the door.
>You turn to follow her, confused.
"Trixie!? Trixie wait! I ACTUALLY DO REQUIRE ASSISTANCE, HERE."
>She keeps walking.


>Right, okay.
>This is not something to panic over.
>Surely 'dates' were something Equestrian xenos did with their partners all the time.
>You could do some research in Twilight's librar-
>Your thoughts skitter to a halt as you remember the last time the purple mare wanted to 'research' you.
>What if 'dates' were something you were expected to know as Ditzy's...whatever you were?
>You resolve to find out the proper term sooner rather than later.
>But back to the current problem, asking might be considered some sort of insult...
>IGNORANCE IS THE ONLY EVIL, SO SAYETH TZEENTCH.
>You teleport to Rarity's boutique and knock on it as gently as possible.
>Which, in your frantic state of mind, punches a hole through the door.
>The white unicorn shrieks in surprise before pulling her door open and staring at you.
>"Anonymous, what in Celestia's na-"
"RARITY. NO TIME FOR IDLE CHATTER. I NEED YOUR HELP. WHAT IN TZEENTCH'S NAME IS A DATE?"
>Rarity's eyes light up like the promethium fires of a burning Titan.


>You have the vague sense that you have done something very, very stupid.
>Rarity starts doing that horrifying giggle-squee-scream thing that she does when she is very excited.
>"Oh, Anonymous! What EVER could have persuaded you to ask little old ME on a-"
"Trixie refused to explain! Misses Doo has asked me to accompany her on one of these 'dates.' and I have no idea what I am supposed to do."
>Rarity's face falls perceptibly, but she is still filled to the brim with gigglesquee inducing emotions.
>"Oh, Anon, this is going to be WONDERFUL! You HAVE to let me make you a new set of clothes! Oooh and you have to take her to a nice restaraunt, buy her flowers, oh we have so much to DO!"
" But that doesn't explain-"
>"Hush now, Anon, I'm thinking. Oh we have GOT to get the girls in on this! Come along, Anonymous!"
>Your "this might have been a bad idea" sense has morphed into a "you dun goofed" sense.
>The white unicorn leads you through Ponyville in a blur, stopping occasionally to find her friends and drag them along.
>....Right to Twilight's tree house.
>And so it begins.
>The great rustling of your jimmies.


>Twilight opens the door to Rarity's insistent knocks, only to be bowled over by Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and one flummoxed Thousand Son Space marine, hurled through the air by one marshmellow unicorn's magic.
>Luckily, Twilight's already been knocked aside by the rest of the ponies and your ceramite-clad ass only slams into the library floor.
"What th-"
>Immediately your voice is swept away by the tidal wave of talking as Twilight wonders what in Tartarus is going on while the rest of the ponies babble at once.
>Eventually, Rarity's voice breaks through the babble.
>"DERPY HOOVES ASKED ANON ON A DATE AND HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WE HAVE TO HELP HIIIIIM!"
>Everything goes silent.
>One by one, each of the mares turns to look at you.
>Your jimmies begin to rustle hard enough to make a ripple in the Warp.
"Uh...are you-"
>The babble begins again as your six friends jump on you and begin shouting at you at once.
>WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU FOOL?


"RELEASE ME, YOU ACCURSED MARES!"
>You struggle against Twilight's magical bonds as the purple unicorn counters your repeated attempts at sorcery.
>"Not until you calm down and let Rarity give you a proper haircut!"
" I don't even...how would she even....my hair hasn't even gro-"
>"SSSSHHHH."
>You close your mouth, still furious and annoyed.
>Twilight had been foiling your attempts to teleport away for the past hour as Rarity "groomed" you and Fluttershy lectured you on proper etiquette and how to treat your date kindly.
>Pinkie Pie had taken the time to point out the location of Rarity's fancy eatery and what to order when you got there.
>Applejack and Rainbow remained apart from the whole mess, both of them looking bored and annoyed at how Rarity had booted them aside and tried to orchestrate everything herself.
"Really, this is more than I needed. I just wanted the basic concept explained to me, girls. I didn't need a h-"
>"SSSHHHHH."
>You grumble and quiet yourself as Rarity crawls over your scalp and snips at your hair.
>Rainbow flies over, nudging your shoulder with her hoof.
>"Hey. Hey. Just ignore all this. When THEY'RE done with all this frou-frou stuff, your old pal Rainbow's gonna explain what you do AFTER the date."


>Rarity scowls from her position near your head.
>"Rainbow Dash! That is VULGAR! Derpy Hooves is a respectable mare, even if she is not a pony of class. She wouldn't..."
>Rainbow blows a raspberry at Rarity's sputtering.
>"She's a PEGASUS, Rarity. And they've been all over each other since he woke up! They've practically been dating already! If she asked HIM out, she's gonna be on him, trust me."
>Rarity pouts as Rainbow trots up to you.
>"Alright, well, first thing you gotta know. Wings. Really, really sensitive. Lucky for you, you have those, err, fingers. Make sure you USE them. Like, oh man, if you rub them just the right way, she's gonna-"
>Applejack slams her shoulder into Rainbow's and knocks her out of the way.
>"This whole thing is jus' plain dumb! Anon, listen' to me. If you care about her, just show it. You don' need to take her to some frou-frou restaurant an' pick some weird honey flowers o' Fluttershy's to show that you love her. Just take her out, and do somethin' together! Somethin' you'll both enjoy!"
>Rainbow speaks up.
>"And then do HER."
>Everyp0ny but Applejack glares at Rainbow.
>"If'n it comes down to that, then yeah, do 'er."
>Rarity squeals in surprise.
>"APPLEJACK!"
>"I'm jus' bein' honest for 'im."
>Twilight lets you up from her spell. You've noticed she's been eerily silent the whole time.
"Well. The help has been....appreciated, girls. Really, it has. I appreciate your efforts. But I think I'll do things MY way. I have a plan."
>Twilight speaks up, smiling.
>"Don't worry, Anonymous! It'll go great for you, I promise! We'll be there to help if anything goes wrong."
>Khorne himself notices the rustling you give off.


>You sit up abruptly, upsetting Pinkie, who had been lecturing you on what to order while laying on your stomach.
"Really, I mean it when I say I appreciate the help. I also mean it when I say I DO NOT WANT ANY FURTHER HELP. Let the "date" go as it will, WITHOUT interference. Are we clear?"
>They all smile at you, even Fluttershy.
>You don't like those smiles.
>Rarity speaks for the rest of them.
>"Crystal, darling."
>You nod and slowly back your way out of the house, helmet under one arm.
>You don't take your eyes off of them.
>Not until you're safely out the door and on your way home.
>You sprint back, cursing the Fate Weaver for dropping you off on this planet in whatever fit of whimsy made him hurl you here.
>As you make your way back inside, you shut your door, locking it and closing the blinds.
>Almost immediately, you notice a note on the kitchen table, with Trixie's handwriting.
>"Dearest Anon. Trixie is sorry for her reaction earlier. She would just like it if you KNOCKED once in your miserable life before barging in. Under this note is about two hundred bits for your date. I truly hope it goes well!"
>You smile. Your roommare isn't a bad po-
>"P.S. If Trixie comes back to a stain on the sofa she will find a way to make your life hell."
>You frown and put the note down as your jimmies do the hustle.
>Seven o' clock is the time.
>You can do this.
>You put your helmet on and start thinking on the girl's advice.


>Alright.
>Alright Anonymous.
>You've waged the Long War for longer than most of the living things on this planet.
>Taking out your...special somep0ny, yes, that was the term....on a date should be a piece of cake.
>Pound cake, or pumpkin cake?
>You couldn't remember which type Pinkie recommended.
>DAMN.
>You make your way to Ditzy's front door, attributing the rustling in the bushes to the eternal rustling of your ancient jimmies.
>As you knock on the door, you realize that your DENSE ASS FORGOT TO BRING FLOWERS.
>MARES LOVE FLOWERS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.
>As your arm shakes from your distraction, Ditzy Doo opens the door.
>She's wearing a necklace and some form of eyeliner, and those funny eyes of hers light up when she sees you, as they always do.
>And that makes everything okay.
>"Well hey there, muffin!"
>You smile and doff your helmet.
"Ditzy, I..."
>There is a thunderous sound, and purple light fills your vision.
>When it clears, you note that Ditzy's wings have shot straight up.
>They're also...throbbing?
>You feel shorter.


"Ditzy?"
>Is she drooling?
>Wow, you never noticed before, but she smells GREAT.
>You lift a hand to snap her out of...whatever it is, when you noticed that your hand ends in a hoof.
>Oh no.
>Oh no no no no no
>TZEEEEENTCH? WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME!?
>Your only answer is quiet, dry laughter as your God laughs at your MAXIMUM RUSTLE.
>You awkwardly turn around and glare behind you, barely managing to spot a purple mare slip out of the bushes and bound away.
>FUCKING.
>TWILIGHT.
>SPARKoh hey that feels NICE.
>Ditzy's moved up behind you, nuzzling the side of your neck.
>That is REALLY fucking distracting right now and it feels SO MUCH BETTER this way.
>"I didn't know you could do THAT, honey muffin. It's...wow. I mean you....wow."
>She bits her lower lip, and you grin.
>Alright, Twilight, you're off the hook.
>You lean down to nuzzle her back, marveling at your instinctual ability to do so, before you whisper in her ear.
"Don't worry, Ditzy dear. The night's still young. I have plenty more tricks up my sl...err, hoof."
>She giggles, and you grin.
>This could work.


>Maybe having your friends help you out tonight wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Rarity's fancy restaurant was a good idea.
>You had forgotten how difficult it was just to WALK on hooves.
>You stumbled a few times as you made your way to the restaurant, but that was okay.
>Ditzy was supporting you the entire way.
>The two of you chatted and whispered and kissed and laughed your way down the street.
>You didn't know whether it was love or your new horse brain or something else, but everything was SO MUCH BETTER when Ditzy Doo was around.
>The pair of you to the restaurant entrance as you finish telling her one of your favorite jokes.
"...And then when the Space Wolf wakes up, his armor is missing, and the Sorcerer was never heard from again!"
>You and Ditzy burst into laughter,until you finally calm yourself down.
"Anyway, that's how I earned the undying enmity of half of Fenris. They don't take kindly to Slaaneshi raves."
>You chuckle to yourself at the memory, before you're rudely interrupted by the concierge.
>"Ahem. Excuse me, sir, madam. Do you have a reservation?"
>Reservation?
>Rarity didn't say anything about that.
"I, err, don't rec-"
>"Ah, there we are. Oooh, sorry for interrupting. Anonymous and a Miss Derpy Hooves."
>You stop thinking as you get a proper look at the concierge.
>It's Fluttershy.
>In a mustache and a tuxedo, but Fluttershy, unmistakably.


"Fluttershy, what in the name of all the Gods are you doin..."
>Fluttershy 'eeps' as you say her name, then darts away.
>"Yourseatsarethiswayfollowmeplease!"
>You sigh, and look at Ditzy.
"I'm sorry, really, I don't know what's going on with her."
>Ditzy shrugs.
>"Don't worry, muffin, I'm sure it's part of some convoluted scheme to kidnap you that will end in failure."
>This mare.
>This mare, Gods. Nothing got past her.
>You smile at each other and start laughing before you both trot after Fluttershy.
>The flustered pegasus had the time to get your utensils and menus out in front of you.
>You sat down awkwardly in your booth, smiling at Dity as she giggles and mimics your strange way of sitting.
>The waiter comes out quickly, Pinkie Pie, OF COURSE, dressed in a similar tuxedo.
>"Good afternoon strangers I've never seen in here before, what'll it be?"
>You groan inwardly before turning a smile on Pinkie Pie.
"Yes, miss, we'll have the pound ca-"
>"*cough* red velvet *cough*"
>You glare at Pinkie Pie as she smiles at you.
>Ditzy takes one glance at the pink mare, raises an eyebrow in your direction, and then places her own order.
>"A muffin and Hay BLT for me, please."
>Pinkie rounds on her in surprise, but you grasp her words like a lifeline.
"I'll have the same, please."
>Pinkie Pie narrows her eyes at you.
>"Okie dokie lokie then."
>She trots off, backwards, still glaring at you.


>"...And so that's the story of how I saved the Doctor using just my flank and a bottlecap!"
>The both of you burst into laughter as Ditzy tells you a few tales of her adventures with that mysterious "Doctor" pony.
>A tiny part of you feels something other than humor.
>Is that...jealousy?
>None of that, horsebrain, we're having a good time.
"My, my, Ditzy Doo. Those "cyberponies" didn't know what hit them, did they?"
>She laughs before taking a bite out of her sandwich.
>"Nope, they sure didn't!"
>You smile, before picking up your sandwich with a bit of telekinesis.
>You hear a polite cough from behind you.
>"....Use the fork Anon....the fooooork."
>You grimace and turn around, to be confronted by a grinning white mare in a pink dress.
>Rarity, of course.
>You frown at her and turn back around, lifting your sandwich to take another bite.
>And the coughing begins again.
>You sigh, lower the sandwich, and reach for the wine bottle.
>Coughing.
>Ditzy raises her eyebrow as she notices the antics, and you grimace.
>You uncork the wine, signaling the coughing.
"ENOUGH."
>You jump out of your seat and trot over to Ditzy, wine bottle still clutched tight.
"How about you and I go somewhere a bit more, private? What do you say, Miss Doo?"
>She smiles.
>"Lead the way, Anon."
>She presents a hoof, and you kiss it, before wrapping the pair of you in Warp magic and teleporting out of the restaurant.

Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV_3Dpw-BRY
>The both of you tumble free from the Warp transport into a field of grass, laughing as you roll down a small hill together.
>You couldn't go far, not as a horse and weighed down by what remained of Ditzy's aura, but you went as far as you could.
>Where you could see the stars.
>The view of the moon and the night was as beautiful as the sunset from here.
>For a bit, the two of you stare up at the stars, looking at the view, side by side in the grass.
>You lay in the grass, hoof in hoof, as you gaze at the stars.
>The stars you'd fallen from, and the stars she'd once traveled.
>The wine goes quickly, and you realize just as quickly that your new body is not so adept at processing alcohol.
"Ditzy."
>"Muffin?"
>She looks over at you, a bit blearily, as you get back on your hooves.
"May I have this dance?"
>She smiles at you, and is on you in a flap of her wings.
>No musician would write songs of the dance the pair of you perform on that hill in the night.
>But for the two of you, your heartbeats was the only music you'd ever need.
>You kiss her, fiercely, finally able to express your passion with all of your strength.
>You don't have to be afraid anymore.
>You don't have to be held back by fear of hurting her.
>She returns the kiss, and the pair of you linger like that, kissing beneath Luna's beautiful night sky.
>Then you pull back, as she smiles at you.
>The time for kissing and dancing is over.
>Her wings spread, and she lifts away, hovering a few feet in the air.
>A crooked smile spreads on her lips, and her eyes grow a new focus.
>"Do you want this, Anon? Really?"
"With all of my soul."
>Her grin widens,and she takes off.
>"Then you'll have to catch it!"


>Anonymous?
>Yes, horsebrain?
>Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
>Yes, horsebrain. We are in total agreement.
>Time to capture dat ass for Chaos.
>It's a flank, Anonymous.
>It's a SHUT UP, horsebrain.
>You take after her, hooves eating up grass as the pair of you race into Ponyville.
>You aren't clusmy anymore.
>She still is, and that's what lets you catch her.
>Halfway to her home, you jump and tag her, wrapping your hooves around her waist and dragging her to earth.
>She wriggles around and kisses you, and you return it.
>She smells like sweat and grass and mare, and it's driving you fucking insane.
>The pair of you stumble towards her home, still kissing and holding each other, until her back's against the door and you're pressing her against it.
>You kiss her on the mouth on the neck, wanting her more than you've ever wanted anything, more than you want to live.
>She moans as you tug at her wing with your teeth, but then gasps.
>"Wait. Anon, wait. We can't do this in the street!"
"I don't see why not."
>She blushes, and pushes her door open as you back away.
>She then turns around, a sly look on her face.
>"Carrot Top's taking care of Dinky tonight. Come on inside~."
>Who's Dinky?
>Horse brain, I do not give the slightest hint of a fuck right now. Shut up and do your job.
>You push the door open after your mare.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5bYDhZBFLA
>She's there, waiting you on the other side, giving you those eyes.
>Your mare.
>You can't stand it anymore. No more horsing around.
>You tackle her like a man going after a glass of water after years in the desert.
>The pair of you roll on the floor, kissing and gasping as you explore each other in a way you had both thought would be impossible.
>She gasps as you nibble the stiff membrane of her wing, then wraps her hooves around your shoulders.
>You rear back, lifting her as you make your way down the hall, towards her bed. She bites you on the neck, gently, as her wings tremble from the attention you've payed them.
>You give a coarse growl as you make your way to her room, throwing her on the bed and looming over her.
>She gives you a 'come hither' gesture, and you mount her carefully, leaning down for another kiss as you get ready to enter her.
>That night, nop0ny in Ponyville got a good night's sleep.
>In Fillydelphia, an earth pony named Strekilnov found himself strangely sober.
>Rainbow Dash's wings remained stiff for a week after she tried to get a peek in through the window.
>And in the Warp, a single tear of liquid cocaine rolled down Slaanesh's eye as it raised a thumb in approval.

The Next Morning
>You shift carefully, your eyes still closed, as you hold Ditzy close to you, one arm still draped over her.
>Last night was...wow.
>You didn't even...maybe the Slaaneshi had a point.
>You give Ditzy's ear a gentle nibble as she murmers in her sleep.
>You'd tired her out, you were sure.
>Not all can stand against the endurance of an Astartes, even a horse-mode Astartes.
>It didn't hurt that your serpent packed enough venom for two bites, on top of that.
>The Gifts of Tzeentch were many and varied, praise his name.
>And Ditzy.
>Hot damn, Ditzy. Chaos had come for her, that much was true.
>All this thinking has you ready to go again, and you nibble gently on her wing as you lean in close.
>Then you hear the quiet clopping of hooves on the ground.
>What the...?
>A moment later, there's a weight on your chest.
>You open your eyes wide, shocked.
>You lift your ha-hooves. Okay, you're still a pony, unexpected, but you can deal with it.
>What in Tzeentch's name was thi-
>"Hi! I'm Dinky! Are you my new daddy!?"
>Your horrified screaming gives the sleepless residents of Ponyville a headache.