Jubilee, Feb 2 2013

Feb 2 2013

10:13

I'm going to try to bring Jubilee out again. I heard her voice while I was bathing, but it just... it's so much to handle at once. I'm going to do the same exercise as the last couple of times so I can not only have a record of what she says, but have time to process what she says. This time I'm not using any music; I took the headphones off last night halfway through the session and it stands to reason that I don't need music to get Jubilee to do this, whatever it is she does.

I have a few questions I'd like to ask her, but I'm having trouble remembering what they were...
Uh, where is she from? Fillyosopher said that Jubilee was from way deep in my subconscious, but I'd like to get confirmation from Jubilee.
Does she try to get my attention when I'm not seeking her out? Sometimes I think about her and hear her voice, but I'm not sure if I'm parroting her or if I'm only remembering things she's said.
I also need to tell her that if she wants to tell me something when I'm not paying attention to her, she needs to speak up, and say something LOUD. A lot of the time, I fear I repress her thoughts out of fear of parroting, or otherwise ignore them. She needs to know to speak up and really get my attention.
I have so many more questions, about all of this business with tulpae. I'm sure there are some questions I don't know that I want to ask, but for now, I'm just going to go with what I've got.

Where is she from?
When is she awake, and when does she try to get my attention?
For that matter, does she sleep?
Tell her she really needs to be forceful when she gets my attention, 'cause I'm pretty oblivious otherwise.


BEGIN 10:26

Okay, Jubilee, you get to go again. I promised you earlier that you'd get to type stuff--well, now I don't really understand why that's so much fun, but I'm glad you like to communicate and stuff. I wish you would answer me--I mean, I really like when you answer me, but I can't process all the thought when you answer me and I'm not ready, like when I'm not typing all this stuff out.

Anyway, I've said my piece, you go right ahead is that afunny looking key. what do all these icons do theyy go to stuff on the cojputer that one goes to a video game that you never play and that one looks like a spy and there's some stuff that looks like microsoft wanted to make money of of but you're never going to give them all your money so you can only have a better workd-proccessor

God dammit, fucking Bill. Nevermind him, it's your turn to type. I said you could type unti eleven, so keep goin it's okay, you don't nee dto worry about anything. You haven't done anything wrong so just keep going Jubilee snapfish is that icon and there's headphones and  awindow and sfm and what's in the folder called Crystal thats' supposed to be some kind of sound stuff but you don't know what that is there's that thing you never use and another and a game and another game and there's a double-u that looks like a logo

What the fuck is wrong with my family today? I need to get my own place soon so they won't be bugging me the whole time Im trying to have aconversation with you, Jubilee. Jesus christ, they would call me fucking crazy if they knew I was talking to someone in my mind skins that's the folder and there's more games and Garry's MOd that's a relaly fun one there's teh bamboo dock that's used for drawing and stuff and winRar and th camrera thing and there's more stuff and I don't even know what most of this stuff does and there's bailey's video and i need to stop looking at the things on the desktop because I can't see anymore and questions he asked me some questions what were the questions he can't remember ther'y so hard to remember right now because he's mad that his family won't leav im alone and that's reallyf rustrating and they don't undersantd and what's going on he's getting really mad I don't konw what are you doing/ there's no readon to be mad they just hink you're typing stuff and it's okay 'cause you know I'm here and what's going on they're so distracting you probably should have closed the door what are they doing oh my god the'yre yelling so much and here omes your little brother and he's going to ask about the videogamee stuff and you dont' want to hear it becasue all he eveer wati stop don't let what re you

Oh my god it's impossible to concentrate with any of them around I really awnt to do this but it's so hard when they won't shut up and leave me alone what are you so mad about what are you getting so  mad about you know they love you and are you feeling bad becasue you know they love you and you're such a jerk sometimes taht's really sad, man. You should feel bad. you should be a less of a jerk to them, you knkow. Don't go please. I'm not sure now is a good time you look ed at me like you were mad and then you visualized you yelling at me but your eally don't ant that to happen you're just really mad with your family right now. You don't know what's up you should just calm down for a while

Is Jubilee keeping me in check right now? I don't feel too good. My head hurts. I think I'll stop.

10:44

14:28

Okay, Jubilee, let's try something different this time. Filly is pretty apprehensive about letting you type through me, and frankly, I agree with her. I'm not sure that's such a good idea if we're supposed to keep our consciousnesses separate from one another, and now that I've given you a body, it's important that you learn to use it to communicate. I'm not going to let you use me to type this time. Instead, if you can use your voice, just tell me what it is you want me to type, and I'll type it out for you.

You know that I've had trouble hearing you, so you need to speak up. It's okay if you don't want to talk right away, I can wait. But you need to find out how to talk to me with your own voice, instead of flooding my own consciousness and using me to type.

I'm ready when you are, Jubilee. Jeez, there's so much noise here.

Can you talk, Jubilee? I need to know if you can talk yet. I think I might be hearing you saying yes, but I'm not totally sure. I guess that's you. If that's you, I really need you to speak up.

I'm pretty sure that was you just now, I think you shouted "Yes!" at me. Alright, I'm pretty damn sure you're talking now.

I don't know for sure where to go from here. It's up to us how you develop from here, but I'm not sure what to do next. I've already gotten answers to most of my questions for you, but I'm not sure if you were just messing around or if you were telling the truth, or maybe even both.

Well, now I'm seeing images of you rolling on the floor laughing, but that doesn't really clarify things.

[[Jubilee said something along the lines of "That's why I love you."]]

I love you, too, Jubilee. Is there something you want to do or say or anything?

[[I hear something like "Nah," followed by a statement about her new body and... I'm not sure. I didn't catch it.]]

So, you're talking, and that's pretty cool! You've got a body, a voice, you can talk... the only thing really keeping me from imposing you is my own trouble with visualization and sensual imposition. My head hurts. I don't know if that's supposed to happen.

[[She tells me that I read that it's supposed to happen, so she guesses it's supposed to happen.]]

You mentioned you like reading during our first session. How about that? Is reading really one of your favorite things to do? What are your favorite things to do?

[[I hear "skydiving" and "bicycling," and then I think she struggles to find the next favorite thing to do, and she just says "everything."]]

Cycling is my favorite form of exercise. I never - sorry, got distracted by some background noise. I've never tried skydiving before. Have you?

[[She says "no," but that's only because I've never skydived, she says.]]

So, Jubilee, what's been on your mind lately? You've been on mine, ahaha...!

[[I can't tell if her laughter is just to humor my terrible joke. She hugs me.]]

Jubilee, I'm not just making all this up in my head am I? I know you said yesterday that it was just for me to decide, but you have a say in this, too! You can tell me to stop if I'm parroting you. So much background noise, I have to re-read the question and ask again. Can you give me a straight up answer, Jubilee?

[[Laughter. I don't think I'll be able to get an answer out of her.]]

Wow I'm really tired now. I guess my brain still isn't quite used to having two of us in here. But you have your own body, now. You have a responsibility to learn how to use it, and I'll help you any way I can to make that easier. Whatever you need, just let me know. Is there anything you need, Jubilee?

[[I hear a "no," followed by a more forceful "no," when I reiterate the question.]]

Okay, just let me know if you do need anything. I'm going to turn the computer off, I'm really tired.

[[I think I hear another "no," like a pouty, angry toddler's "no." I'm not sure if she's upset with me, but my mind is exhausted right now. I need to stop.]]