The Fundamentals of Caring (2016) Eng

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Caregiving is not just
about feeding and clothing and cleaning.

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It is also about understanding
how to navigate

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a complicated relationship
between those who give care

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and those who are in need of it.

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If you find yourself lost,
frustrated, confused,

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you can always come back
to this helpful mnemonic device:

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ALOHA.

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Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, Ask again.

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The fundamentals of caregiving
are to give care...

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but not care too much.

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If you truly want a lasting career
in caregiving,

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you'll need to adhere
to the caregiver commandments.

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Writ these down. They're important.

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I cannot take care of another

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unless I first take care of myself.

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Ben. Ben, come on.
I know you're in there.

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My needs are equal to the needs
of the person to whom I am giving care.

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Caregiving is difficult.

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All I can do is try my best
and maintain a positive attitude.

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Congratulations,
you're a certified caregiver.

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Just always remember:

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ALOHA.

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Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, Ask again.

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Nothing less. Nothing more.

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You must be Mr. Benjamin.

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- Elsa Conklin.
- Hi.

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I was transferred to the States
about nine months ago,

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and we've yet to find
a permanent caregiver for Trevor.

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The transition's been difficult,
to say the least.

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The flight over was the first time
he'd ever been on a plane and...

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Well, let's just say,
he's never really been one to relish

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being outside of his house,

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let alone 30,000 feet in the air,
or here in another country.

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So, tell me,
why'd you choose to be a caregiver?

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I like helping people.

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Do you have clients at the moment?
This would be full-time.

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No.

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Can you tell me about
some of your previous clients?

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Trevor would be my first client.

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Oh... I'd asked them
to only send people with experience.

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Oh, um...

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No, I have the certificate.
I took the... It's a six-week course.

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Yeah, I've taken it. It's all right.
It's just that I specified that we...

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Hello. I'm sorry. You know, I'm so sorry.
Did I do something wrong?

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I put on aftershave this morning.
That's something I don't normally do.

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Is he sensitive to smells?

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Trevor, that's enough.

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Pick a number between one and 3,500.

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Wha...? Huh?

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It's a game. Pick a number.

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- Three.
- Nope.

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Two thousand, four hundred and sixty-four.
Sorry, no job.

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Trevor, this is Ben. Do you have
any actual questions for him?

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What kind of aftershave are you wearing?

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- Trevor.
- What?

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This guy thinks retarded people get upset
by aftershave. That's brilliant.

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How does that work, exactly?

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Is it, like, "Oh, no. The smell.

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I don't understand where it's coming from.
Please, somebody help."

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You're not retarded.
And don't use that word.

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People worse off than you, you know?

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That's true. Like retarded people
that are forced to wear aftershave.

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Sorry. My child has a unique sense
of humor.

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Do you have kids?

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No. I know I don't have any experience,

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but I took the course
and I'll work very hard. I...

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I've been out of work for a while
and I could really use this job.

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Yeah, but if we're gonna
throw down nine bucks an hour

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for somebody to wipe my ass, we need
somebody who knows how to wipe an ass.

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Tell me, Ben, given the opportunity,
how exactly would you wipe my ass?

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You're being rude.

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I think it's a reasonable interview
question, given the scope of the job.

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True or false?
This man has to wipe my ass.

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I'd wipe it in such a way
that when I was done,

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there would be no shit left on your ass.

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He's the one.

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- Hey.
- Hi.

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Did you bring them?

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Ben, did you bring the divorce papers?

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Oh, you know what? Uh, I never got them.

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I know you got them.
I shoved them under your door.

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Right, I got your message about that.
That's weird. I don't...

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Here's a new set. Here's a pen.

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All right, well, I'll take these home
and, uh, I'll read them.

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Why are you doing this to me?

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Do I have to get a court order? I mean,
is that really what you want me to do?

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I'm not ready, Janet.

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It's been two-and-a-half years.

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What's the magic number where you wake up
and you're finally ready?

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Six years? Eight? Eighty?

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I'm sorry.

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I'm just not ready.

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Hello. Come in.

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- Hi.
- I'll take you on the tour.

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What do you know about DMD?

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Um...

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Uh...

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Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.
When you get home tonight, google it.

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- Yes, I...
- I work as the office manager in a bank.

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It's a big bank,
but I work in a small branch,

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which means if I'm late, they notice.

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I have to leave here at 8:40,
which means you have to be here at 8:40.

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You're late, I'm late. I can't be late.
No one else to pay the bills.

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Every day we stretch his hamstrings,
heel cords, IT-bands, hip flexors,

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and forearms on the bed.
I'll demonstrate that for you.

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He sleeps most nights with
the C-pap machine to help his breathing.

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Trevor's extremely tied to his routine.
It cannot be disrupted.

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If it's disrupted,
he'll have a panic attack.

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He wakes at the same time every day,
he watches TV at the same time every day.

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He eats at the same time every day.

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Once a week,
he goes to the park on Thursdays.

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Always on Thursdays.
Always from 1 to 4. Exactly 1 to 4.

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He only eats waffles and sausage.
Two waffles, one sausage.

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Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

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Not ideal, but it's a battle I'm done
fighting and the vitamins fill in the gap.

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Hey. Check her out.

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Oldest working family farms
in Jerome, Idaho...

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Would you tap that? Because I would
pound that shit into the ground.

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His medications are also
on a precise schedule.

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It's all in this notebook.

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Prescription meds,
Deflazacort, Losartan, Eplerenone.

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Those you absolutely can't miss.

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Then the supplements,
Protandim, Haelan, omega fatty acids,

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calcium, vitamin D, Co Q10,
creatine, glutamine, Quercetin,

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multi-vitamin, and mega green tea.

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Why don't you read the notebook
and we'll talk more thoroughly later.

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Statistically, Trevor probably
has another seven to ten years.

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So, let's do everything right, okay?

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- I need to hear you say "okay."
- Yes. Okay. Absolutely.

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Trevor, it's his first day.
Please don't make him cry.

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- You need anything?
- I do, actually.

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Could you call
the Make-A-Wish Foundation

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and tell them I want a blowjob
from Katy Perry?

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I mean, she kind of has to say yes, right?
Think about it.

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If she was to reject me,
that would a PR nightmare for her.

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It'd be a shit storm.

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What do we have here?
A two-story outhouse.

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Aha. Here we go. Idaho Falls, Idaho.
Two-story outhouse.

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I'm no expert. I definitely think
I'd prefer to be on the upper level.

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- He apparently...
- What is this gem, you ask?

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This is a map of your precious country's
lamest roadside attractions,

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odd museums, bizarre landmarks,
and of course anything giant,

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- from farm animals to cherry pie.
- What's the red star?

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That, my friend, is
the world's deepest pit. My favorite.

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It just sounds so depressing, I love it.
Pick a number between one and 3,500.

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Go on, Ben. We've got
some time to kill. One and 3,500.

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- Three.
- One-5-5-5. You're not even trying.

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But I have some fantastic news,
I need to take a dump.

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Why is that fantastic news?

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Because it's your time to shine. Let's go.

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Ow.

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I need to take a shit, come on.
Come on, be serious.

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Take my legs.

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How does it make sense to take my legs?

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Are you gonna drag me to the toilet?
Put them down.

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- You all right?
- Yeah.

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Hold on, hold on.

158
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Do you wanna just shit in your chair,
maybe?

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Maybe.

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Ben. Ben, it's jammed. Ben, help!

161
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:23,327
Who do you think would win
in a fight to the death. Me or a bird?

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Help me! Help me!

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Help!

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How about me versus a lot of birds,

165
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,847
but all the birds
also had muscular dystrophy?

166
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I think a bunch of big birds with
muscular dystrophy are fucking you up.

167
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- I enjoy this time together.
- Me too.

168
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:12,084
Can I ask you a question?

169
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What?

170
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If you woke up
and you were totally... fine...

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what's the thing you'd wanna do most?

172
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If I could do anything at all?

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00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,529
I'd really like to take a pee standing up.

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Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

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Bye.

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If somebody tries to rob the bank today,
don't be a hero.

177
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,130
I can't promise anything
once the adrenalin kicks in.

178
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,216
Fair enough.

179
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:11,390
Did you arrange these to look
like large testicles and a small penis?

180
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- Yep.
- Brilliant.

181
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,860
- Enjoy your breakfast.
- Thanks.

182
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,832
You never told me what you did before
you got into the ass-wiping business.

183
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,909
- I was a writer.
- No, you weren't. Really?

184
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:31,834
Yeah. I wrote a couple of novels
you've never heard of.

185
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:36,004
You're right. So, what is this?
Is this, like, research for you?

186
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:39,545
- Hardly. I'm retired.
- You're retired. Right.

187
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:42,260
Well, man, you should write about me.

188
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:45,681
Well, that would make
for a really interesting read.

189
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Chapter One, Watches TV.

190
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,476
Chapter Two, Eats Waffles.

191
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:56,358
Chapter Three,
Watches TV, Then Eats Waffles.

192
00:14:56,438 --> 00:15:00,278
- It writes itself.
- Seriously, I'm your man.

193
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:04,569
And when you do write about me, I want you
to describe me as handsome and cool.

194
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,525
The best stuff is truthful.

195
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,344
Ben Benjamin?

196
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,758
I have something for you.

197
00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:32,982
Hey, wait!

198
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,524
This is a court order!

199
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,266
I know where you live!

200
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:58,748
You're just in time. The hot chick is on.

201
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,884
And today I'm going to visit with Rufus,
the world's...

202
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,857
If I had one night with her,
I swear when I was done,

203
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,511
she wouldn't be able to walk properly.

204
00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:07,631
Oh, because you'd give
her muscular dystrophy?

205
00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:09,469
Cute.

206
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:12,103
Rufus weighs 2,100 pounds.

207
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:16,731
Hey, check it out. World's
biggest bovine. Ritzville, Washington.

208
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:20,650
Ritzville. That's not far from here.

209
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:25,029
What if we saw
some of these places for real?

210
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:28,110
Have you been working
with lead-based paint in an enclosed area?

211
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,777
Come on. Don't you get bored
just sitting in this room

212
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:32,446
and going to the park once a week?

213
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:35,954
I mean, doesn't any part of you want
to see the world's deepest pit in person,

214
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,458
not just on TV?

215
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,459
I do. But if we're making bucket lists,

216
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:42,591
I'd put that way behind nailing
the Seattle Seahawk cheerleaders

217
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,919
- in a pyramid formation.
- I do hope that's televised.

218
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,012
Embarrassing.

219
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,259
All right. So, we go to a Seahawks game.

220
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:56,227
You know, most disabled people
don't just sit in their houses all day.

221
00:16:56,308 --> 00:17:00,228
They get out and do things
like everybody else. You got a letter.

222
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,670
What are those?

223
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:24,995
Letters... from my father.

224
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,336
I didn't realize you had a father.

225
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,394
I was born, wasn't I?
It means I have a father.

226
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,428
No, I know, but...

227
00:17:33,512 --> 00:17:36,522
He left when I was three.
Right when I was diagnosed.

228
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:40,848
- Probably just a silly coincidence.
- Oh. Sorry.

229
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:47,525
Can you feel the love tonight?
Well, I sure can. It's Valentine's Day.

230
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,779
And what more of a romantic place
to spend it

231
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,701
than here in Devil's Lake, North Dakota.

232
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:55,410
- So, you don't even read those?
- Really? We're still going on about this?

233
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,405
Sorry, it's just...

234
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:03,084
I... I don't know.
Aren't you even curious?

235
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:07,416
- I mean, it seems like he's reaching out...
- I used to read them. They're lame.

236
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:10,594
- Do you ever write back?
- No, I have not written him back.

237
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:15,511
- Does he say he's sorry for leaving?
- What's with you today?

238
00:18:15,596 --> 00:18:18,032
He made his choice when I was three.
It was his choice, not mine.

239
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,806
He can live with it.
Let's leave it at that.

240
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,955
I'm just saying, you know,
he is still your father, maybe...

241
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,309
He's not still my father.

242
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,897
Okay? A father is supposed to be there
for his kid.

243
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,613
Protect him from harm.
That's the only job a father has.

244
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:34,322
You don't have a kid,
so what would you know about it?

245
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,742
This combination
of meals is simply...

246
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:41,366
There we go.
Now go get me some juice.

247
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,420
Hey, juice. Come on.
We're not paying you to sit on your ass.

248
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,270
Mr. Benjamin!

249
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:07,733
Mr. Benjamin!
Mr. Benjamin, I'm not gonna leave!

250
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,653
Thank you for staying.

251
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:18,077
Ever since I started, they've been begging
me to go to happy hour on Thursday.

252
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,948
I finally relented,
just to get them off my back.

253
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:24,866
- I won't be too late.
- Oh, it's fine. Trev's napping.

254
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,286
Oh, there's another thing.

255
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:30,335
Work's asked me to go to Atlanta
for a week for a training seminar.

256
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:34,470
- Oh. Why don't I stay here with Trev?
- Thank you.

257
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,681
Um...

258
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:39,351
There's one more thing.

259
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:44,099
You know, over the years, Trevor's
never become attached to any caregiver.

260
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:50,400
I'm so pleased you two get on so well,
but... you won't be here forever.

261
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,855
I know about your son.

262
00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:04,288
You know,
I wouldn't let you be with Trevor

263
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,211
without first doing my due diligence.

264
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:09,540
What do you know exactly?

265
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:13,669
Everything. So does Trevor.

266
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:15,966
I'm so sorry, Ben.

267
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:18,886
I can't even...

268
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,389
- Trevor knows what happened?
- Yeah.

269
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,641
Three years is not a very long time,

270
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:26,814
and I can only guess
at your emotional state.

271
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,693
I can't have you getting too close
to Trevor.

272
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:33,611
I can't have you making promises
you can't keep.

273
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,568
ALOHA, right?

274
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,777
Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, Ask again.

275
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,196
Nothing more, yeah?

276
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,633
Sounds like my very obnoxious ride.

277
00:21:00,469 --> 00:21:04,639
You knew about my kid and you said
all that father bullshit to me? Huh?

278
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,200
You think
because you're in a wheelchair

279
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,286
that gives you the right to say and do
whatever you want?

280
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,704
You ever considered
that maybe I'm just a prick,

281
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:10,978
with or without the wheelchair?

282
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:17,438
Fuck you. And fuck your wheelchair.

283
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,947
And fuck your waffles and your stupid
fucking map with all the places

284
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:22,671
that you're never ever gonna fucking see.

285
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,831
Fuck those letters
that you'll never reply to

286
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:27,660
'cause you're such
a self-absorbed piece of shit.

287
00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:33,375
Is that the best you can do?
That's it? I thought you were a writer.

288
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,800
Fuck this, fuck that. That's really lame.
I think you need a second draft.

289
00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:42,180
I don't buy any of your bullshit.
You can make jokes all you want,

290
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:47,390
but you are wasting your life by sitting
in this house and watching TV.

291
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,774
Yeah? And what the fuck are you doing?

292
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,940
It's been three years, Ben.

293
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,902
Should you really be wiping my ass
for $9 an hour?

294
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:42,110
Sounds like you and Trevor
had quite a night last night.

295
00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:48,028
- Yeah, sorry about...
- I specifically warned you

296
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:50,868
about the nature of your relationship,
didn't I?

297
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:53,920
Yeah, you did, but...

298
00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:58,249
What makes you think I would ever let you
take my son on a road trip?

299
00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:03,585
And now if I don't let him go see
the world's deepest pit

300
00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:05,555
or biggest cow or whatever,
he's gonna be upset.

301
00:23:05,594 --> 00:23:08,764
But of course I can't actually let him go.

302
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:13,444
Look, well, whatever.
When Ben burst into my room

303
00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:16,238
and said we should go on a trip,
it just seemed like it would be fun.

304
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:21,151
- You know? So, just forget it.
- Well, it's not happening.

305
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,034
And I resent being put in this position.

306
00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:26,954
Honestly, what were you thinking?

307
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:37,252
- I was thinking it would be good for him.
- Good for him?

308
00:23:37,334 --> 00:23:40,134
Do you have any idea what traveling
with someone like Trevor entails?

309
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,921
You lose his Deflazacort, then what?

310
00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:45,625
Or the C-pap breaks in the middle
of nowhere? That be good for him?

311
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,467
He's never been more than an hour
from his house.

312
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:52,136
Maybe it's time to change that.

313
00:23:58,855 --> 00:24:04,275
Look. It takes three or four days
to get to the world's deepest pit. Right?

314
00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:07,491
We can see a lot of these other
roadside attractions along the way.

315
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:11,282
Two days to get back,
we're gone for a week.

316
00:24:11,368 --> 00:24:13,618
I chart out all the hospitals
along the way.

317
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:16,833
And they'll lend me the van so we can
carry all of Trevor's machines and stuff.

318
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:18,875
We can go while you're in Atlanta.

319
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:24,758
You're suggesting I risk my son's life
so he can see a hole in the earth?

320
00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:29,007
I'm suggesting that your son gets out
of the living room.

321
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:42,613
Right. When I get back from work, we're
gonna sit down and plan this to the T.

322
00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,111
Wait. What?

323
00:24:46,778 --> 00:24:49,674
Well done. That was very heroic how you
jumped in there without missing a beat.

324
00:24:49,698 --> 00:24:53,238
- But I'm sorry, I can't do it.
- Why? This is your idea.

325
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:55,496
I know, but I think I was caught up
in the moment.

326
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,868
That moment being you telling me
to go fuck myself repeatedly.

327
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:02,497
This is great. The open road.

328
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,795
You know what? I'm gonna call
the Make-A-Wish Foundation

329
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:08,129
and I'll get Katy Perry to meet us
at a motel in Missoula.

330
00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:10,926
What song do you want her to sing
while she's doing you?

331
00:25:16,766 --> 00:25:18,306
"Fireworks."

332
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:31,409
- Did you get the van serviced?
- The van is serviced and ready to go.

333
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:33,949
- When?
- Everything's up to date.

334
00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:36,053
Meaning you got it serviced
specifically for the trip,

335
00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:38,431
or you got it serviced at the normal time
it was supposed to be serviced?

336
00:25:38,455 --> 00:25:41,575
I want a text or a phone call
every three hours.

337
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:43,836
Hey, do you know
when he got the van serviced?

338
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:46,048
- Let's call this off.
- Okay.

339
00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:47,169
He needs this.

340
00:25:47,255 --> 00:25:48,733
- Do you need this?
- I don't need this.

341
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:50,717
He says he doesn't need this.

342
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:55,100
Elsa, I won't let anything happen
to your son.

343
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,320
I love you.

344
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:12,447
"He died trying to see the world's
deepest pit" is a really bad obituary.

345
00:26:13,364 --> 00:26:14,744
Or is it?

346
00:27:19,347 --> 00:27:20,427
Okay.

347
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:26,476
- What are you doing?
- It's all right.

348
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:30,113
It's all right. Here. I got you.
I got you. I got you. Look.

349
00:27:30,191 --> 00:27:32,691
The road is all about living the dream,
my friend.

350
00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:34,630
What are you talking about?
What are you doing? What are you doing?

351
00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:37,874
You are gonna pee standing up.

352
00:27:37,949 --> 00:27:40,409
No, no, no. Honestly,
it's not gonna work. It's a mistake.

353
00:27:40,493 --> 00:27:42,137
- It's gonna work. All right?
- No, no, no.

354
00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:43,251
It's fine. I got you.

355
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:44,999
- Give me a sec.
- I've got you. Shh.

356
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:47,211
Shh. Shh.

357
00:27:47,292 --> 00:27:50,462
It is okay... Oh! Stop for a second.
Stop for a second.

358
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,165
- I can't stop.
- Grab your penis!

359
00:27:52,255 --> 00:27:55,625
- I am! I've got my penis!
- That's holding your penis?

360
00:27:58,845 --> 00:28:02,635
- Time for a little celebration.
- What are we celebrating?

361
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:04,894
This is the farthest
you've ever been from home.

362
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:07,146
What are you talking about?
I lived in England.

363
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:09,108
You know what I mean.

364
00:28:11,024 --> 00:28:14,364
- You ever had a Slim Jim?
- What do you think?

365
00:28:15,278 --> 00:28:18,408
- I think it's time.
- Not happening. No.

366
00:28:18,489 --> 00:28:21,119
We have enough newness going on here.

367
00:28:22,035 --> 00:28:25,705
Dude, were you...?
Were you just doing air quotes?

368
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,380
Don't... Don't ever do that again.
Trust me.

369
00:28:30,460 --> 00:28:33,670
Come on.
This is what road trips are all about.

370
00:28:35,506 --> 00:28:36,716
No.

371
00:28:38,509 --> 00:28:40,139
It's really good.

372
00:28:40,678 --> 00:28:42,008
Mmm!

373
00:28:42,889 --> 00:28:44,269
Mmm!

374
00:28:44,349 --> 00:28:46,269
That's a hell of a meat stick.

375
00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:48,309
Mmm!

376
00:28:48,645 --> 00:28:49,975
Oh.

377
00:28:50,855 --> 00:28:53,265
Try it? Just try it?

378
00:28:54,025 --> 00:28:57,145
Come on, have a bite of the Jim.
Bite the Jim.

379
00:28:58,154 --> 00:28:59,614
Nibble on the Jim.

380
00:29:00,114 --> 00:29:02,584
Bite of the James? Hm?

381
00:29:02,659 --> 00:29:06,749
Isn't that what they say in your country?
A little bite of the James, shall we?

382
00:29:07,288 --> 00:29:09,288
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

383
00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:12,169
Mmm! Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

384
00:29:12,502 --> 00:29:15,052
Little bite of James!

385
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:17,589
Go on! Have a bite of James!

386
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:21,840
Let me see if there's any food
in there I can actually eat.

387
00:29:53,418 --> 00:29:55,378
Cool fucking sneakers.

388
00:29:59,590 --> 00:30:00,840
Mall.

389
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:22,857
Mall.

390
00:30:24,574 --> 00:30:27,204
What does that even mean? Mall?

391
00:30:28,411 --> 00:30:29,847
It means that's where you get them from.

392
00:30:29,871 --> 00:30:34,631
No, I know, but you didn't get them there.
You got them online.

393
00:30:34,709 --> 00:30:36,169
It's where one would get them.

394
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:41,220
Although, you didn't say that.

395
00:30:41,299 --> 00:30:44,139
I mean, you didn't say,
"Oh, you know, I got them at the mall."

396
00:30:44,218 --> 00:30:45,888
You just said, "Mall."

397
00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:50,852
Just one word. One syllable.

398
00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:53,733
Well, I thought it was good
to get straight to the point.

399
00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:58,356
Technically, that's the least amount
that you could say to a girl

400
00:30:58,441 --> 00:31:01,281
and still have it qualify
as a conversation.

401
00:31:03,071 --> 00:31:05,321
You know what? I'm wrong.

402
00:31:05,406 --> 00:31:08,446
I'm wrong.
There is something shorter. "Ma."

403
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,834
What do you know about girls?
Your wife is trying to divorce you.

404
00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:16,883
- "Cool sneakers." "Ma."
- I'm in a fucking wheelchair, okay?

405
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:18,339
I could spew Shakespeare shit

406
00:31:18,419 --> 00:31:20,669
and a girl like that's not
gonna be interested in me.

407
00:31:20,755 --> 00:31:24,375
- Ma.
- Fuck you, you're a 45-year-old ass-wiper.

408
00:31:24,467 --> 00:31:25,587
Ma.

409
00:31:32,058 --> 00:31:34,018
♪ Ma, ma, ma ♪

410
00:31:34,727 --> 00:31:36,017
♪ Ma, ma, ma ♪

411
00:31:36,104 --> 00:31:39,234
- I think I'm gonna give one of these a go.
- Yeah?

412
00:31:39,315 --> 00:31:40,645
- Yeah.
- Good.

413
00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:42,943
See, I knew
the open road would be good for you.

414
00:31:52,412 --> 00:31:55,042
What do you think? It's good, right?

415
00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:02,128
Nice try.

416
00:32:06,843 --> 00:32:09,013
That's really good. That's really funny.

417
00:32:21,315 --> 00:32:23,525
Would you quit screwing around?
I'm driving.

418
00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:28,029
Oh, shit.

419
00:32:37,832 --> 00:32:39,502
Oh, shit.

420
00:32:43,838 --> 00:32:46,048
Come on. Come on.

421
00:32:49,343 --> 00:32:53,143
Goddamn it! Oh, you fucker!

422
00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:57,234
Don't ever do that again!
You scared the shit out of me!

423
00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:03,110
- I'm just kidding.
- Jesus Christ!

424
00:33:08,779 --> 00:33:10,989
You know,
these are actually not that bad.

425
00:33:11,741 --> 00:33:14,491
- Bite of the James?
- Fuck you.

426
00:33:25,087 --> 00:33:28,467
Whoa. Check it out, man.

427
00:33:29,675 --> 00:33:31,675
Moo!

428
00:34:11,133 --> 00:34:14,973
Hey, we're here to see Rufus,
the world's biggest bovine.

429
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:19,104
Okay, that's gonna be $4 apiece,
and what you're gonna do is...

430
00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:24,441
Oh, I'm, uh... I'm sorry.
We keep, uh, Rufus on the second floor.

431
00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:29,030
- Oh, you don't have handicap access?
- No. Sorry about that.

432
00:34:29,110 --> 00:34:31,450
It's not a problem. Seriously.

433
00:34:31,529 --> 00:34:34,569
What? No. It is a problem.
It's a huge problem.

434
00:34:34,657 --> 00:34:37,447
No, you can go up and take a look at it
and then tell me about it.

435
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:38,695
No!

436
00:34:40,079 --> 00:34:42,539
You're in violation of codes.

437
00:34:42,623 --> 00:34:47,633
Look, why don't you and your son just
pick out something from our gift shop.

438
00:34:47,712 --> 00:34:49,815
I don't think you understand
the gravity of the situation here.

439
00:34:49,839 --> 00:34:51,799
Wait a sec.
You think we're father and son?

440
00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:55,432
We came to see a giant cow.
We're going to see a giant cow.

441
00:34:55,511 --> 00:34:58,115
I mean, what about the different accents?
Does that not bother you?

442
00:34:58,139 --> 00:35:00,889
- Look. Here's a postcard.
- Postcard?

443
00:35:00,975 --> 00:35:04,145
You think that's gonna solve this? What,
are you working with lead-based paint?

444
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:06,308
Hey, what the fuck? That's mine.

445
00:35:06,397 --> 00:35:11,437
Look, it's just like a regular cow
but bigger.

446
00:35:11,527 --> 00:35:13,987
And we wanna see it.
And that's your problem.

447
00:35:14,071 --> 00:35:18,281
Because you're the one that went into
the giant cow-showing profession, not me.

448
00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:21,657
So, it's you that's gonna figure out
how we're gonna see a giant fucking cow,

449
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:24,850
or else I'm gonna call the local news,
and I'm gonna have them send down the guy

450
00:35:24,874 --> 00:35:27,294
that does that "Shame on You"
business-buster thing,

451
00:35:27,376 --> 00:35:30,416
and he's gonna come down
with multiple cameras... Multiple cameras.

452
00:35:30,504 --> 00:35:33,384
...and ask you why you think it's okay
that somebody with disabilities

453
00:35:33,466 --> 00:35:35,586
isn't allowed to see a giant cow
like everyone else.

454
00:35:35,676 --> 00:35:37,237
What number are you even dialing
right now?

455
00:35:37,261 --> 00:35:38,851
Shut up.

456
00:35:41,766 --> 00:35:45,436
It's ringing. What's it gonna be?

457
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,086
- Left! And careful, careful, careful.
- Not that much! Not that much!

458
00:35:53,110 --> 00:35:55,270
- I got you, I got you!
- You're gonna crush us, Mikey!

459
00:35:55,613 --> 00:35:57,493
Take as long as you need.

460
00:36:35,027 --> 00:36:36,197
- You good?
- Yeah, you?

461
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:37,448
Yeah.

462
00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:39,987
Thank you.

463
00:36:44,870 --> 00:36:46,431
Come on! I'm losing my grip!
I'm losing my grip!

464
00:36:46,455 --> 00:36:48,215
- No, wait!
- Okay, okay. No, please don't...

465
00:36:50,835 --> 00:36:53,335
Well, I got good news and bad news.

466
00:36:53,421 --> 00:36:56,471
The good news is I talked
to the Make-A-Wish folks,

467
00:36:56,549 --> 00:36:58,629
and Katy Perry is all lined up.

468
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:04,520
The bad news is
she's refusing to sing "Fireworks."

469
00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:09,517
Apparently, she's done that
with the last four Make-A-Wish kids.

470
00:37:09,603 --> 00:37:12,273
- She feels it's played out.
- I wanna go and see my father.

471
00:37:12,356 --> 00:37:13,766
What?

472
00:37:14,442 --> 00:37:16,572
He owns a car dealership
in Salt Lake City.

473
00:37:16,652 --> 00:37:19,862
- Your father's in America?
- He's an American.

474
00:37:19,947 --> 00:37:23,777
They met in the UK. Made me here,
then we moved back when he ditched us.

475
00:37:23,868 --> 00:37:26,698
I've been thinking about what you said
and I should hear him out.

476
00:37:26,787 --> 00:37:29,827
Oh, I don't... Oh, I don't...

477
00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:32,590
Look, I mean...

478
00:37:33,377 --> 00:37:36,377
I just... Here's the thing.
I don't know what I'm talking about.

479
00:37:38,841 --> 00:37:40,891
- I have to talk to your mom.
- No, definitely not.

480
00:37:40,968 --> 00:37:43,168
She isn't gonna let me go.
She barely let me go on this.

481
00:37:43,971 --> 00:37:45,681
Well, you should call him first.

482
00:37:45,765 --> 00:37:48,725
No. No, no, no.
If we're gonna do it, we just do it.

483
00:37:49,226 --> 00:37:51,436
I wanna see the look on his face.

484
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,730
This was your idea.
Don't start pussying out now.

485
00:37:58,819 --> 00:38:00,149
Okay.

486
00:38:04,575 --> 00:38:06,035
What are you gonna say to him?

487
00:38:06,952 --> 00:38:09,162
Isn't it more about
what he's gonna say to me?

488
00:38:18,297 --> 00:38:20,257
Dude, look at this.

489
00:38:22,134 --> 00:38:23,894
I just texted this to your mom.

490
00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:31,524
Oh.

491
00:38:32,937 --> 00:38:37,567
- What do you suppose her deal is?
- Obviously, she wants me bad.

492
00:38:38,484 --> 00:38:41,244
What if she's a runaway
and her parents are looking for her?

493
00:38:42,780 --> 00:38:44,910
Should we give her a ride?

494
00:38:45,783 --> 00:38:47,203
What?

495
00:38:47,284 --> 00:38:49,664
She's hitchhiking.
Maybe we should give her a ride.

496
00:38:49,745 --> 00:38:52,405
- Want to?
- Why, you think we should?

497
00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:56,186
- You're probably right. We shouldn't.
- Well, I didn't said we shouldn't, did I?

498
00:38:56,210 --> 00:38:59,590
I said that, you know, it's just like,
whatever. If you want to, then...

499
00:38:59,672 --> 00:39:03,302
Then I guess we can. If you're feeling
fatherly and protective and shit.

500
00:39:03,384 --> 00:39:05,514
Nah, forget it.

501
00:39:16,188 --> 00:39:18,018
I'm worried about her parents.

502
00:39:19,608 --> 00:39:22,188
Yeah? Worried about her parents, are you?

503
00:39:22,278 --> 00:39:24,948
Deeply, actually.
'Cause she's out there alone.

504
00:39:25,030 --> 00:39:26,967
And in today's world,
there's no telling what could happen.

505
00:39:26,991 --> 00:39:31,411
There's all sorts of sickos out there.
And quite possibly in here.

506
00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,671
Let's do it.

507
00:39:39,169 --> 00:39:42,629
- Seriously?
- Yeah. Let's give her a ride.

508
00:39:44,717 --> 00:39:46,967
Okay. Yeah, why not, right?

509
00:39:47,052 --> 00:39:51,722
- Yeah, okay, yeah. Let's do it.
- Yeah. Go ask her.

510
00:39:52,892 --> 00:39:55,982
- What? Me?
- Yeah. You.

511
00:39:56,061 --> 00:39:57,455
No, I'm not asking. I can't ask her.

512
00:39:57,479 --> 00:39:59,319
- I'm not asking her.
- Why?

513
00:39:59,398 --> 00:40:01,978
Because I can't, okay?
Don't be a dick. You ask her.

514
00:40:02,067 --> 00:40:05,357
Man, if I go ask her, you're gonna be
watching it through this window

515
00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:07,356
like you were watching TV.

516
00:40:15,915 --> 00:40:19,285
You know, when I get home, I'm gonna
put you on the roadside attractions map.

517
00:40:19,376 --> 00:40:21,126
World's biggest dick.

518
00:40:24,298 --> 00:40:28,298
Hey, hey, hey. Let me just give you
a little bit of advice, okay?

519
00:40:29,136 --> 00:40:33,466
- What?
- Go with that mall rap again.

520
00:40:34,808 --> 00:40:38,348
I don't know if you remember it.
It's just one word. Just "mall."

521
00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:44,652
- I'm giving you the finger.
- Well, not really.

522
00:41:18,102 --> 00:41:19,352
I got it.

523
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:33,742
- Hi there.
- Who the fuck are you?

524
00:41:33,826 --> 00:41:38,536
- Ben. My name's Ben.
- Oh, shit. Are you a pervert?

525
00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:42,669
- What?
- Look, I'm 21. Full-on adult.

526
00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:45,051
So, if you're into picking up kids
on the highway,

527
00:41:45,129 --> 00:41:49,219
- please just leave me the fuck alone.
- I'm not a pervert.

528
00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:51,759
That's exactly what a pervert would say.

529
00:41:51,844 --> 00:41:55,434
Right. I just wanna help you out.

530
00:41:55,514 --> 00:41:57,984
Are you hungry?
Do you want something to eat?

531
00:42:00,769 --> 00:42:02,439
I'm harmless.

532
00:42:07,860 --> 00:42:09,450
Fine. I could use some coffee.

533
00:42:11,447 --> 00:42:14,907
If you're a pervert,
I swear, I'll kick your fucking ass.

534
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:25,960
Here.

535
00:42:31,508 --> 00:42:34,968
- You're the kid with the cool sneakers.
- Yeah.

536
00:42:35,054 --> 00:42:37,144
So, what's wrong with you?

537
00:42:38,849 --> 00:42:42,189
I have, uh... Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

538
00:42:43,312 --> 00:42:45,442
Shit. That sounds bad.

539
00:42:45,522 --> 00:42:48,362
- Can they fix it?
- No. Not yet.

540
00:42:48,442 --> 00:42:50,612
- That fucking blows.
- Yeah.

541
00:42:50,694 --> 00:42:54,204
- Does it hurt?
- No. I mean, kind of.

542
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,830
- Does it affect your brains?
- No.

543
00:42:57,910 --> 00:43:00,660
- Does your penis work?
- You want a menu?

544
00:43:00,746 --> 00:43:03,786
Can we have a menu? What would you like?
You want a sandwich?

545
00:43:03,874 --> 00:43:05,134
You want some eggs maybe?

546
00:43:05,209 --> 00:43:08,669
- The waffles are really good. Right, Trev?
- Yeah.

547
00:43:09,254 --> 00:43:12,174
Yeah, the waffles are good
or, yeah, your penis works?

548
00:43:17,012 --> 00:43:18,642
The waffles suck.

549
00:43:22,142 --> 00:43:24,602
- I'm Dot.
- Trevor.

550
00:43:24,686 --> 00:43:27,396
You two perverts got room for one more?

551
00:43:35,364 --> 00:43:39,084
- So, what's in Denver?
- Starting my life, Mervin.

552
00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:40,659
Maybe go to art school.

553
00:43:40,744 --> 00:43:42,664
My mom always said
Denver was a good place

554
00:43:42,746 --> 00:43:46,286
because the high altitude makes
the air less complicated.

555
00:43:46,375 --> 00:43:47,665
Ah.

556
00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:50,303
- Does your mom know you're hitchhiking?
- No.

557
00:43:51,255 --> 00:43:52,625
Think you should tell her?

558
00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:55,054
She's dead,
so that might be a little difficult.

559
00:43:55,134 --> 00:43:58,144
- Unless you have psychic powers.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

560
00:43:58,220 --> 00:44:01,970
- I'm sorry, too. We're both sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.

561
00:44:02,057 --> 00:44:04,387
Kathy was so fucking rad.

562
00:44:04,476 --> 00:44:06,896
She would do shit for people,

563
00:44:06,979 --> 00:44:09,899
like, without them even asking,
she would just do it.

564
00:44:09,982 --> 00:44:11,209
And then, like, three years ago,

565
00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:14,953
she gets this random blood disease
out of nowhere.

566
00:44:15,028 --> 00:44:17,068
Just bullshit on a stick if you ask me.

567
00:44:17,156 --> 00:44:22,696
Yeah, it's total bullshit. And on a stick.
Like the world's least delicious lollipop.

568
00:44:23,996 --> 00:44:27,036
What about your dad?
Does he know where you are?

569
00:44:27,124 --> 00:44:30,134
No. I left him a note, though.

570
00:44:33,755 --> 00:44:38,925
- What's that? What's wrong?
- Nothing. It's a... It's a dash light.

571
00:44:39,011 --> 00:44:41,561
Where... Where are we?
When's the nearest exit?

572
00:44:41,638 --> 00:44:45,478
No, it's fine, Trevor. I had
the engine serviced. It's okay, Trevor.

573
00:44:45,559 --> 00:44:47,662
Maybe we should just pull over
and see what's... Check just to...

574
00:44:47,686 --> 00:44:49,856
- Just so you can check it over.
- Trevor, it's fine.

575
00:44:49,938 --> 00:44:53,318
Those lights don't mean shit.
Just keep going. Trevor, tell him.

576
00:44:54,526 --> 00:44:55,856
Keep going.

577
00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:02,905
You know what?
Trevor, I know you wanna keep going,

578
00:45:02,993 --> 00:45:05,221
but maybe we should just pull off,
find a place to stay tonight

579
00:45:05,245 --> 00:45:07,405
and then I'll get it checked out
in the morning.

580
00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:11,417
Look, I told his mom I'd keep him safe.
I'm sorry. That's what we're gonna do.

581
00:45:13,086 --> 00:45:18,046
What a fucking pussy.
Why are old people such pussies?

582
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:23,103
Is it gradual, or one day you just wake up
and you look in the mirror and you say:

583
00:45:23,180 --> 00:45:25,520
"Today I am a giant fucking pussy"?

584
00:45:25,599 --> 00:45:28,349
Yeah, Ben. Why you are such
a giant fucking pussy?

585
00:45:28,435 --> 00:45:30,435
You wanna...?
Should we keep going? We can...

586
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,020
I mean, I'm certainly okay to go,
and it's a bit...

587
00:45:33,106 --> 00:45:34,936
- It's kind of playing with fire...
- No, no.

588
00:45:35,025 --> 00:45:39,485
- You said you wanted stop, so we can stop.
- Yeah, no, let's pull over.

589
00:45:41,657 --> 00:45:42,907
Such a giant pussy.

590
00:45:50,457 --> 00:45:53,037
So, what's the deal
with the deep pit or whatever?

591
00:45:53,126 --> 00:45:54,126
Oh.

592
00:45:54,211 --> 00:45:55,921
In the '70s some scientist dudes

593
00:45:56,004 --> 00:45:58,174
made a little tiny hole six miles
deep straight down,

594
00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:01,716
trying to get to the center of the Earth.
Named it The World's Deepest Pit.

595
00:46:01,802 --> 00:46:03,262
I think I just like the name.

596
00:46:04,096 --> 00:46:06,846
So, your dream is to see a big hole
in the ground?

597
00:46:07,808 --> 00:46:11,848
I've always been an overachiever.
I'm also gonna see my father.

598
00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:15,523
Is your dad a fuck-up, too?

599
00:46:15,607 --> 00:46:18,127
I wouldn't know. He left when I was three,
when I was diagnosed.

600
00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:22,488
That's really bullshit on a stick.

601
00:46:23,156 --> 00:46:25,946
- Why are you seeing him?
- His idea.

602
00:46:26,034 --> 00:46:28,294
Thinks I should forgive him.

603
00:46:29,621 --> 00:46:31,371
I wouldn't forgive him.

604
00:46:33,792 --> 00:46:37,552
- We're being followed.
- What do you mean, we're being followed?

605
00:46:37,629 --> 00:46:40,219
There's a car in the parking lot.
I noticed it around Ritzville.

606
00:46:42,384 --> 00:46:44,224
I told Janet we were going to Salt Lake.

607
00:46:44,302 --> 00:46:46,682
She must have sent someone
with a court order.

608
00:46:47,848 --> 00:46:49,888
- Who's Janet?
- His wife.

609
00:46:49,975 --> 00:46:53,685
Your wife issued a court order
against you? That's great.

610
00:46:53,770 --> 00:46:56,457
She's trying to divorce him as well,
but he won't sign the divorce papers

611
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:57,771
- because he's a...
- Dude.

612
00:46:57,858 --> 00:47:01,948
Yeah. I can't say.
Solemn bond between us.

613
00:47:03,155 --> 00:47:05,365
- I'll tell you later.
- Okay.

614
00:47:09,161 --> 00:47:12,291
If there's a knock on this door,
no one answers.

615
00:47:13,540 --> 00:47:16,040
If there's a knock
on that door...

616
00:47:17,794 --> 00:47:18,964
I'm going to smoke.

617
00:47:22,591 --> 00:47:25,431
Don't worry, Mervin.
I'll hide in the bushes.

618
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:30,774
Hi, Mervin.

619
00:47:30,849 --> 00:47:34,389
Shut up, or tomorrow
I'll put your clothes on inside out.

620
00:48:08,345 --> 00:48:09,845
Morning.

621
00:48:12,349 --> 00:48:16,059
I, uh... took the car to a gas station

622
00:48:16,144 --> 00:48:18,404
and it's totally fine.

623
00:48:18,855 --> 00:48:20,565
It's just a fuse.

624
00:48:25,654 --> 00:48:28,164
- Where's Dot?
- She's outside.

625
00:48:28,865 --> 00:48:29,865
You ready?

626
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:23,478
Hey there, it's Janet.
Please leave a message.

627
00:50:24,105 --> 00:50:26,185
Is this really necessary, huh?

628
00:50:26,274 --> 00:50:28,574
To hire some goon to follow me
across the country?

629
00:50:28,652 --> 00:50:31,452
It's bullshit, Janet. On a stick.

630
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,869
He does that.
He took one of my things the other day.

631
00:50:35,742 --> 00:50:37,622
You know what's bullshit on a stick?

632
00:50:37,702 --> 00:50:40,542
I went 18 years on this planet and
no one ever told me about a Slim Jim.

633
00:50:40,580 --> 00:50:43,040
Humans didn't need to invent
any other food.

634
00:50:46,503 --> 00:50:48,133
Fuck, yeah.

635
00:51:09,818 --> 00:51:11,648
Right? And it's not just me!

636
00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:13,986
I can't piss for you!
Just try it! Concentrate!

637
00:51:14,072 --> 00:51:15,412
What? Put your arm...

638
00:51:15,490 --> 00:51:17,370
- I don't wanna pee.
- Put your arm on the wall.

639
00:51:19,286 --> 00:51:21,746
Pick a number
between one and 3,500.

640
00:51:21,830 --> 00:51:24,290
- Okay, I want three guesses.
- You don't get three guesses.

641
00:51:24,374 --> 00:51:27,424
You get one guess,
between one and 3,500. Go.

642
00:51:27,502 --> 00:51:30,552
Okay, okay, okay.
One thousand, four hundred and fifty-two.

643
00:51:31,506 --> 00:51:33,216
Oh, my God.
No one's ever gotten it before.

644
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:35,236
- I can't believe you got it.
- Oh, you're so lying right now.

645
00:51:35,260 --> 00:51:37,850
I'm not lying. You got it.
I am flabbergasted.

646
00:51:37,929 --> 00:51:39,115
- Are you serious?
- Good move.

647
00:51:39,139 --> 00:51:40,219
No, I'm not serious.

648
00:51:40,307 --> 00:51:43,137
- Fuck you.
- Yeah, sorry.

649
00:51:48,982 --> 00:51:50,612
Whoa, look at that.

650
00:51:55,697 --> 00:51:57,947
I'm gonna see if she needs some help.

651
00:52:03,580 --> 00:52:06,170
- Hey.
- Hi.

652
00:52:06,249 --> 00:52:08,629
- How's it going there?
- Not good.

653
00:52:08,710 --> 00:52:10,590
I've been looking at all this,

654
00:52:10,670 --> 00:52:14,470
but I don't really know anything
about cars.

655
00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:18,433
I think something might be on fire.

656
00:52:19,554 --> 00:52:23,184
- You want me to call you a tow truck?
- Thanks. Um...

657
00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:29,360
Whew! I can't really afford to fix it.
I probably shouldn't have driven it.

658
00:52:30,023 --> 00:52:32,533
- Where are you headed?
- Grand Island, Nebraska.

659
00:52:32,609 --> 00:52:35,109
Nebraska?
You're driving by yourself to Nebraska?

660
00:52:35,195 --> 00:52:37,315
I'm going to see my mom.

661
00:52:37,405 --> 00:52:38,985
I'm pregnant.

662
00:52:39,491 --> 00:52:41,991
- What's your name?
- Peaches.

663
00:52:42,077 --> 00:52:43,237
I'm Ben.

664
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,458
- Hi.
- Hi.

665
00:52:47,374 --> 00:52:49,754
- Just a second.
- Okay.

666
00:52:52,420 --> 00:52:54,630
Well, her car is shot.

667
00:52:55,298 --> 00:52:57,758
She's heading to Nebraska.

668
00:52:57,842 --> 00:52:59,403
I mean, we could take her
all the way to Salt Lake

669
00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:02,057
and maybe put her on a bus
for the rest of the way.

670
00:53:03,014 --> 00:53:04,854
What is wrong with you?

671
00:53:04,933 --> 00:53:07,693
You don't put a pregnant lady on a bus.

672
00:53:07,769 --> 00:53:09,229
We'll take her the whole way.

673
00:53:09,312 --> 00:53:10,998
Oh, well,
we don't really have that kind of time.

674
00:53:11,022 --> 00:53:14,032
Mervin. She's pregnant.

675
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:16,860
You sure about this?

676
00:53:16,945 --> 00:53:19,855
- We don't know her.
- No, absolutely. Yeah. It's what we do.

677
00:53:19,948 --> 00:53:21,988
We're a taxicab for America.

678
00:53:24,035 --> 00:53:25,285
He's so much cooler than you.

679
00:53:26,788 --> 00:53:30,788
You hear that?
Handsome and cool.

680
00:53:31,668 --> 00:53:35,088
- I never said handsome.
- Well, pretty sure you did.

681
00:53:39,926 --> 00:53:41,886
So, how pregnant are you, Peaches?

682
00:53:42,887 --> 00:53:47,227
Uh, just a few more weeks
until baby Elton joins the world.

683
00:53:47,308 --> 00:53:50,018
I'm naming him after his father.

684
00:53:50,103 --> 00:53:53,363
- Is Elton's father in Nebraska?
- Afghanistan.

685
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:56,320
- Really? He's a soldier?
- Yes.

686
00:53:56,401 --> 00:54:00,321
Private First Class, U.S. Army.
Second tour.

687
00:54:00,405 --> 00:54:03,445
He just got deployed again.
It kind of took us all by surprise.

688
00:54:03,533 --> 00:54:06,833
So, I'm scurrying back to Nebraska
to be with my mom.

689
00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:08,806
Did he see any action
when he was there the first time?

690
00:54:08,830 --> 00:54:12,540
Oh, yeah.
But he wouldn't want me talking about it.

691
00:54:12,625 --> 00:54:14,455
Oh, you have to.
It's what you do on the road.

692
00:54:14,544 --> 00:54:17,674
- Dot's already bored us with her story.
- Asshole.

693
00:54:17,755 --> 00:54:19,215
I'm... I'm just kidding.

694
00:54:19,299 --> 00:54:21,719
It's okay.
I kind of have a thing for assholes.

695
00:54:21,801 --> 00:54:23,551
Continue, Peaches.

696
00:54:24,095 --> 00:54:27,635
Okay, well,
he was on a mission with his buddies,

697
00:54:27,724 --> 00:54:30,524
and they got trapped by enemy rebels.

698
00:54:30,602 --> 00:54:33,812
I know he's not one for bragging,
so I probably shouldn't brag on him,

699
00:54:33,897 --> 00:54:35,897
but he saved everybody.

700
00:54:35,982 --> 00:54:38,362
He ran through enemy fire to get help.

701
00:54:38,443 --> 00:54:40,823
Trev, what would you do in that situation?

702
00:54:40,904 --> 00:54:42,914
Oh, I'd most likely shit myself.

703
00:54:42,989 --> 00:54:45,619
And I most likely would
have to clean it up.

704
00:54:47,035 --> 00:54:50,905
- Don't worry about them. They're idiots.
- Oh, okay.

705
00:54:50,997 --> 00:54:53,247
I have to clean him up
when he shits himself.

706
00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:54,333
God.

707
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,710
All right.

708
00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,255
Two rooms tonight. We're living large.

709
00:55:01,674 --> 00:55:04,144
Man, I am starving.

710
00:55:04,219 --> 00:55:06,639
I think there's an all-night diner
across the street.

711
00:55:06,721 --> 00:55:07,971
What do you think?

712
00:55:08,389 --> 00:55:10,769
Oh, well, Peaches said she was too tired.

713
00:55:11,643 --> 00:55:14,023
Oh, all right.
Well, I guess it'll be the three of us.

714
00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:16,733
I'm getting a patty melt.
I don't give a shit.

715
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,480
Look, maybe, uh...

716
00:55:19,567 --> 00:55:22,027
Maybe you could be too tired as well.

717
00:55:23,238 --> 00:55:25,158
What? Oh.

718
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:26,570
Oh, okay.

719
00:55:26,658 --> 00:55:27,948
Wow.

720
00:55:28,493 --> 00:55:30,543
Come a long way since, "mall."

721
00:55:31,162 --> 00:55:34,332
Hey, guys, Peaches is already asleep.
You guys wanna get something to eat?

722
00:55:34,958 --> 00:55:39,208
You know, um... Do you guys mind
maybe just going by yourselves?

723
00:55:39,295 --> 00:55:42,005
I'm pretty beat.
I think there's a place across the street.

724
00:55:42,090 --> 00:55:43,590
Oh.

725
00:55:55,061 --> 00:55:57,651
Oh, come on. How obvious is this?

726
00:55:57,730 --> 00:56:00,000
No, it's not... He's totally...
It's a long... It's been a long day.

727
00:56:00,024 --> 00:56:01,234
Yeah.

728
00:56:05,488 --> 00:56:08,028
Are you asking me on a date?

729
00:56:14,247 --> 00:56:15,617
Yes, I am.

730
00:56:20,837 --> 00:56:22,587
Pick me up next door when you're ready.

731
00:56:30,054 --> 00:56:30,974
Dude!

732
00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:33,595
You were like James Bond there.

733
00:56:34,183 --> 00:56:36,603
That was the most badass thing
I've ever seen in my life.

734
00:56:36,686 --> 00:56:39,226
Come on, man. Give me a...
Give me a little sugar. Give it up.

735
00:56:39,314 --> 00:56:41,875
My people don't high-five.
Trust me, it's worse than the air quotes.

736
00:56:41,899 --> 00:56:44,189
Come on. Don't leave me hanging.

737
00:56:45,695 --> 00:56:49,155
Yeah, no. That... You're...
That was terrible. You were right.

738
00:56:54,245 --> 00:56:56,495
Handsome and cool, Ben.
You got it?

739
00:56:56,581 --> 00:56:57,711
Right.

740
00:56:57,790 --> 00:57:01,090
I'm just gonna give you
your medicines before you go.

741
00:57:08,885 --> 00:57:10,795
- What?
- Nothing.

742
00:57:11,638 --> 00:57:13,218
What do you mean, nothing? What is it?

743
00:57:20,313 --> 00:57:23,153
- Ben, what is it?
- Nothing.

744
00:57:24,359 --> 00:57:25,359
Uh...

745
00:57:27,278 --> 00:57:28,738
Oh, shit.

746
00:57:30,156 --> 00:57:31,156
What?

747
00:57:31,699 --> 00:57:33,159
Uh...

748
00:57:35,745 --> 00:57:37,655
Shi... Shit.

749
00:57:37,747 --> 00:57:39,457
Ben, what the fuck? What is it?

750
00:57:40,249 --> 00:57:41,669
Um...

751
00:57:43,252 --> 00:57:45,962
I think I left your medicines
in the other hotel.

752
00:57:46,047 --> 00:57:48,927
With the C-pap machine.
They were all together.

753
00:57:51,052 --> 00:57:52,722
Oh, fuck.

754
00:57:53,388 --> 00:57:55,138
Are you fucking kidding me?

755
00:57:55,223 --> 00:57:57,563
That's not a face cream, okay?
I need that shit to live.

756
00:57:57,642 --> 00:58:00,812
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
It's, um...

757
00:58:00,895 --> 00:58:02,895
Uh... Shit, you know...

758
00:58:02,981 --> 00:58:05,821
- Oh, fuck.
- Listen, it's fine. It's fine, all right?

759
00:58:05,900 --> 00:58:07,940
I'm gonna call a 24-hour pharmacy
and I'm gonna...

760
00:58:08,027 --> 00:58:10,607
No, we're in Podunk U.S.A.
They're not gonna have shit. Oh, fuck.

761
00:58:10,697 --> 00:58:13,657
- I knew one of your spells would kill me.
- No, it's not...

762
00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:16,871
Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

763
00:58:16,953 --> 00:58:18,514
I'm sorry.
Look, I'm really sorry, all right?

764
00:58:18,538 --> 00:58:20,683
- I don't know what happened.
- I know what happened. You're an idiot.

765
00:58:20,707 --> 00:58:22,537
- You're a fucking idiot.
- I'm not.

766
00:58:22,625 --> 00:58:25,285
I'm not, all right? I'm not an idiot.

767
00:58:25,378 --> 00:58:27,878
I'm... hilarious.

768
00:58:30,717 --> 00:58:33,797
Oh... Oh, my hands are numb.

769
00:58:34,262 --> 00:58:35,892
Are you kidding me?

770
00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:41,104
This is when you decide to play the prank?
When I'm about to go on my first date?

771
00:58:42,353 --> 00:58:44,903
I... It just seemed funnier that way.

772
00:58:47,692 --> 00:58:49,072
Agreed.

773
00:59:08,337 --> 00:59:10,797
I told you, I only date assholes.

774
00:59:10,882 --> 00:59:13,682
Yes. And I'm not an asshole.

775
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:15,863
And since you want an asshole,
my not being an asshole

776
00:59:15,887 --> 00:59:18,365
makes me more of an asshole
than the assholes that you normally date,

777
00:59:18,389 --> 00:59:19,908
because they're giving you
exactly what you want,

778
00:59:19,932 --> 00:59:22,352
whereas I, by not being an asshole,
am not.

779
00:59:25,271 --> 00:59:26,861
Which makes me an asshole.

780
00:59:29,233 --> 00:59:31,243
I can't believe
I actually understood that.

781
01:00:34,966 --> 01:00:36,336
- Hi.
- Hi.

782
01:00:36,425 --> 01:00:37,545
I woke up.

783
01:00:38,427 --> 01:00:40,807
- May I come in?
- Yeah, sure.

784
01:00:44,016 --> 01:00:45,726
I was just, uh...

785
01:00:45,810 --> 01:00:47,020
Here.

786
01:00:48,479 --> 01:00:49,479
Thank you.

787
01:00:58,656 --> 01:01:00,776
They're really sweet.

788
01:01:01,534 --> 01:01:03,334
Yeah.

789
01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:08,170
Baby's Elton's kicking.
You wanna feel him?

790
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:14,545
- Oh, no, thanks, that's... That's okay...
- Oh, come on, he wants to say hi.

791
01:01:14,630 --> 01:01:15,800
It's... I don't... I...

792
01:01:20,303 --> 01:01:21,643
Dot told me about you.

793
01:01:22,263 --> 01:01:23,513
She did?

794
01:01:31,898 --> 01:01:34,108
What's it like being a parent?

795
01:01:37,028 --> 01:01:39,158
Every corny thing you've ever heard
about having a kid

796
01:01:39,238 --> 01:01:41,658
is completely and utterly true.

797
01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:47,037
It's the only reason we're here.

798
01:01:58,841 --> 01:02:02,181
- Hey. See you tomorrow.
- Yeah.

799
01:02:07,892 --> 01:02:09,602
How was it?

800
01:02:10,770 --> 01:02:13,060
She didn't let me eat waffles.

801
01:02:13,940 --> 01:02:16,360
No? What'd you have?

802
01:02:17,401 --> 01:02:19,241
French toast.

803
01:02:34,752 --> 01:02:36,422
Not tonight.

804
01:02:40,299 --> 01:02:41,549
All right.

805
01:03:29,265 --> 01:03:30,555
You ready?

806
01:04:00,004 --> 01:04:01,924
Hi. May I find you a salesman?

807
01:04:02,298 --> 01:04:05,548
Uh, yeah, my friend here is looking
for Bob Richardson.

808
01:04:05,634 --> 01:04:06,804
Is he available?

809
01:04:06,886 --> 01:04:09,386
- Why don't I get you one of our salesmen.
- We need Bob.

810
01:04:09,764 --> 01:04:10,894
Tell him it's Trevor.

811
01:04:10,973 --> 01:04:12,993
And if that doesn't jog his memory,
say, "He's in a wheelchair."

812
01:04:13,017 --> 01:04:15,257
And if that doesn't jog his memory,
say, "He's your son."

813
01:04:15,311 --> 01:04:18,771
And if that doesn't jog his memory,
say, "You're an enormous dick."

814
01:04:20,232 --> 01:04:21,942
Actually, just say that anyway.

815
01:04:24,737 --> 01:04:26,857
I will be right back.

816
01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:28,906
Okay.

817
01:04:37,792 --> 01:04:39,632
Just give him a chance.

818
01:04:42,755 --> 01:04:44,045
Right this way.

819
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,360
Bob will be with you in just a minute.

820
01:04:58,479 --> 01:05:03,939
Hey, Trevor. This is a... nice surprise.

821
01:05:04,026 --> 01:05:05,106
Hello.

822
01:05:06,237 --> 01:05:09,617
So, what brings you to town?

823
01:05:10,533 --> 01:05:12,453
Yeah, I'm doing some traveling.

824
01:05:12,535 --> 01:05:14,325
Wow. Great.

825
01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:17,079
How's your mom doing?

826
01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:20,584
She's doing great, actually.
She's got a good job at the bank.

827
01:05:20,668 --> 01:05:22,338
Transferred her here, so...

828
01:05:23,045 --> 01:05:24,875
Terrific.

829
01:05:25,423 --> 01:05:30,053
So, what can I do for you today?

830
01:05:39,770 --> 01:05:43,150
I figured it was about time
I answered these.

831
01:05:47,027 --> 01:05:48,317
Uh...

832
01:05:50,865 --> 01:05:52,775
"Dear Trevor."

833
01:05:55,202 --> 01:05:56,832
Oh...

834
01:05:57,246 --> 01:05:58,616
What?

835
01:06:01,167 --> 01:06:05,547
Elsa always wanted me to write you,

836
01:06:06,297 --> 01:06:09,587
and I didn't think that was a great idea.

837
01:06:09,675 --> 01:06:11,175
So...

838
01:06:12,470 --> 01:06:14,890
I'm... I'm sorry.

839
01:06:15,514 --> 01:06:18,274
Your mom wrote these.

840
01:06:25,983 --> 01:06:27,403
Okay.

841
01:06:31,030 --> 01:06:33,070
I think we better go.

842
01:06:33,157 --> 01:06:35,077
Trevor. Wait.

843
01:06:43,584 --> 01:06:45,544
Let me give you some money.

844
01:06:47,046 --> 01:06:52,126
Here. I got 160 bucks on me.

845
01:06:52,218 --> 01:06:53,718
What do you say?

846
01:06:55,429 --> 01:06:56,719
Take it.

847
01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:58,974
I want you to have it.

848
01:07:37,429 --> 01:07:39,929
Hey. Listen to me.

849
01:07:42,768 --> 01:07:44,518
Why'd I do that?

850
01:07:45,604 --> 01:07:47,614
Remember when you said to me
that you'd wipe my ass

851
01:07:47,690 --> 01:07:49,820
until there was no more shit left on it?

852
01:07:51,318 --> 01:07:53,738
Well, there is shit. It's all shit.

853
01:07:54,280 --> 01:07:56,740
I'm shit. You're shit. It's everywhere.

854
01:07:56,824 --> 01:08:01,454
It's the Ben Benjamin Traveling Shit Show
and you're the star.

855
01:08:04,582 --> 01:08:06,132
I wanna go home.

856
01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:09,091
Look. Stop, stop.

857
01:08:10,963 --> 01:08:14,473
Your father's an asshole, all right?
And I'm sorry about that.

858
01:08:14,550 --> 01:08:17,487
And I'm sorry if I pushed you to see him.
But I didn't make him an asshole.

859
01:08:17,511 --> 01:08:19,101
He just is one.

860
01:08:19,805 --> 01:08:22,765
Hey, man, look. I'm just a guy,
you know, trying to get through the day.

861
01:08:22,850 --> 01:08:24,270
Just like you.

862
01:08:25,102 --> 01:08:27,982
- I'm trying to help you.
- No, you're not.

863
01:08:28,606 --> 01:08:30,266
You're not trying to help me.

864
01:08:30,357 --> 01:08:33,317
This is not about me. It's about you.

865
01:08:33,402 --> 01:08:35,282
It's all been about you.

866
01:08:37,698 --> 01:08:41,368
Look, I know that it was hard in there,
but I think you're better off for...

867
01:08:41,452 --> 01:08:44,792
No, you... Listen, you're not my father.
Okay? You're not my father.

868
01:08:45,706 --> 01:08:47,206
I know.

869
01:08:47,291 --> 01:08:48,501
Do you?

870
01:08:49,168 --> 01:08:52,378
Let me ask you something.
Why'd you become a caregiver?

871
01:08:53,339 --> 01:08:54,379
I needed a job.

872
01:08:54,465 --> 01:08:57,925
Well, there are a lot of jobs out there
that don't involve taking care of a kid.

873
01:08:58,385 --> 01:09:00,845
I didn't know you were a kid
when I went for the interview.

874
01:09:06,477 --> 01:09:07,767
What do you think...?

875
01:09:07,853 --> 01:09:10,813
You think I'm looking
for redemption through you?

876
01:09:10,898 --> 01:09:13,818
You think I want you to fix me?
Is that it?

877
01:09:16,236 --> 01:09:17,906
My son died.

878
01:09:18,656 --> 01:09:21,156
You can't fix me.

879
01:09:23,619 --> 01:09:25,369
And I don't want to.

880
01:09:25,871 --> 01:09:27,121
Okay?

881
01:09:27,498 --> 01:09:30,788
So, you keep your problems over there
and I'll keep my problems over here.

882
01:09:30,876 --> 01:09:35,126
You wipe my ass, and I'll say thank you.
End of fucking story.

883
01:09:58,362 --> 01:10:01,532
Are we still going to the big pit?

884
01:10:01,615 --> 01:10:02,865
No.

885
01:10:08,414 --> 01:10:11,464
- Fine.
- Not fucking fine!

886
01:10:12,543 --> 01:10:14,213
I have exactly one life.

887
01:10:14,294 --> 01:10:17,514
And for reasons
I myself don't really understand,

888
01:10:17,589 --> 01:10:20,629
I now believe that
that life will not be fulfilled

889
01:10:20,718 --> 01:10:24,258
unless I am standing at the bottom
of the world's deepest pit

890
01:10:24,346 --> 01:10:26,466
with you two perverts.

891
01:10:26,557 --> 01:10:28,177
And this beautiful mom-to-be.

892
01:10:28,267 --> 01:10:30,807
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.

893
01:10:30,894 --> 01:10:34,194
So, start the car.
We're going to the fucking pit.

894
01:10:35,190 --> 01:10:36,730
Yay.

895
01:11:56,563 --> 01:11:58,073
Holy fuck.

896
01:12:14,289 --> 01:12:15,869
Wow.

897
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:21,840
I thought I'd like it 'cause it's lame,
but it's actually pretty cool.

898
01:12:24,132 --> 01:12:26,052
Let's go to the bottom.

899
01:12:47,865 --> 01:12:51,695
I'll catch up with you guys, all right?
I left my phone in the car.

900
01:12:51,785 --> 01:12:54,865
We got Slim Jims, Mervin. We'll be fine.

901
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,440
I know who you are.

902
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:18,561
What?

903
01:13:19,021 --> 01:13:21,771
Janet didn't send you. Elsa did.

904
01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:23,782
Who's Elsa?

905
01:13:24,484 --> 01:13:25,994
Trevor's mom.

906
01:13:26,737 --> 01:13:29,947
- Who's Trevor?
- What?

907
01:13:30,032 --> 01:13:32,202
Are you following Peaches?

908
01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:36,580
Dorothy.

909
01:13:36,663 --> 01:13:39,333
- Dot?
- Yeah, I'm her father.

910
01:13:40,208 --> 01:13:44,248
I mean, who are you? I mean, why...?
Why are you driving my daughter around?

911
01:13:44,338 --> 01:13:47,668
Hey, man, I didn't ask for any of this.
I'm just taking a kid to Salt Lake.

912
01:13:47,758 --> 01:13:50,111
I saw your daughter, I bought her a meal,
I gave her a ride.

913
01:13:50,135 --> 01:13:51,385
I was just trying to be decent.

914
01:13:52,179 --> 01:13:53,509
Oh.

915
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:57,391
Well, I guess I owe you a thanks.

916
01:13:58,936 --> 01:14:00,396
You don't owe me anything.

917
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:02,979
Look, I'm never gonna win
Dad of the Year, okay?

918
01:14:03,065 --> 01:14:05,225
But I sure as shit wasn't gonna let
my little girl get

919
01:14:05,317 --> 01:14:07,647
from Olympia to Denver on her own.

920
01:14:08,487 --> 01:14:13,117
Dorothy and I, we got some issues,
but we're connected, you know?

921
01:14:13,450 --> 01:14:16,950
Just... Just trying my best here.

922
01:14:17,913 --> 01:14:19,253
I get it.

923
01:14:20,999 --> 01:14:22,759
Is it okay if I tail you
the rest of the way?

924
01:14:22,793 --> 01:14:27,513
I... I won't get in your way, I'm just...
I just wanna make sure she's safe.

925
01:14:29,049 --> 01:14:30,679
Yeah, sure thing.

926
01:14:34,054 --> 01:14:35,314
Thanks.

927
01:14:44,564 --> 01:14:45,484
Hello?

928
01:14:45,565 --> 01:14:47,775
- Ben! Come downstairs quickly!
- Hello?

929
01:14:47,859 --> 01:14:50,359
It's me, Dot. It's an emergency!

930
01:14:50,445 --> 01:14:52,298
- Come... Now!
- What's the matter? What's the...?

931
01:14:52,322 --> 01:14:53,782
Can you hear me? Hello? Hello?

932
01:15:10,215 --> 01:15:12,295
- Is there a doctor here?
- How about a nurse?

933
01:15:12,384 --> 01:15:15,184
- Anyone here a doctor?
- With any kind of medical training?

934
01:15:15,262 --> 01:15:17,932
- Oh, no!
- She's having the baby.

935
01:15:18,015 --> 01:15:21,135
- Help.
- I don't... I don't know what to do.

936
01:15:21,226 --> 01:15:22,636
Please.

937
01:15:30,318 --> 01:15:31,648
Ben!

938
01:15:33,905 --> 01:15:35,155
Ben!

939
01:15:35,949 --> 01:15:37,409
She needs your help! Do something!

940
01:15:38,535 --> 01:15:42,865
Call 911! Call 911! Call 911!
All right, all right, all right.

941
01:15:42,956 --> 01:15:45,326
- Here you go, here you go.
- I think something is wrong.

942
01:15:45,417 --> 01:15:47,687
- Come on, Ben. Do something.
- Okay, okay. All right, all right.

943
01:15:47,711 --> 01:15:49,761
Something doesn't feel right.

944
01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:42,700
- Okay, okay.
- Ready, ready, ready?

945
01:17:59,050 --> 01:18:01,090
My little baby.

946
01:18:08,476 --> 01:18:10,096
He's here.

947
01:18:29,164 --> 01:18:30,424
Hi.

948
01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:34,090
Mmm.

949
01:18:36,463 --> 01:18:37,593
Thank you, Ben.

950
01:18:52,854 --> 01:18:54,614
It's a boy. Take a Slim.

951
01:18:54,689 --> 01:18:57,529
If you haven't had one,
it's the biggest mistake of your life.

952
01:19:23,551 --> 01:19:24,841
Did you steal this, Cash?

953
01:19:26,346 --> 01:19:28,966
Please don't call me that.

954
01:19:33,979 --> 01:19:36,189
Well, how... How did he seem?

955
01:19:36,898 --> 01:19:40,278
I mean, he seemed okay.

956
01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:42,780
I think he means well.

957
01:19:49,119 --> 01:19:51,959
She's... She's coming over. Uh...
Look... Look busy.

958
01:19:52,038 --> 01:19:54,288
What? Why?
Why do you need to look busy?

959
01:19:54,374 --> 01:19:56,794
Because of... I don't know. Shh.

960
01:19:58,169 --> 01:20:00,629
- Hey.
- Hey.

961
01:20:01,214 --> 01:20:02,304
How is he?

962
01:20:03,633 --> 01:20:08,013
He's a heaping mess,
but... he's my heaping mess.

963
01:20:09,264 --> 01:20:11,474
So, are you gonna go back
to Olympia with him?

964
01:20:11,558 --> 01:20:15,478
No. I'm going to Denver. I just have to.

965
01:20:15,562 --> 01:20:16,562
But...

966
01:20:17,689 --> 01:20:19,109
Um...

967
01:20:19,816 --> 01:20:21,656
I think he's gonna take me
the rest of the way.

968
01:20:26,573 --> 01:20:29,953
Uh, right now? Are you going...
Are you going right now?

969
01:20:32,162 --> 01:20:33,292
Yeah.

970
01:20:36,124 --> 01:20:38,384
Cool. Um... Cool.

971
01:20:38,877 --> 01:20:42,167
Okay. That's cool. I mean, yeah...

972
01:20:42,255 --> 01:20:45,085
I'm sure it'll be fine and stuff and...

973
01:20:45,967 --> 01:20:48,297
You know what? I'm just...

974
01:20:48,386 --> 01:20:50,926
I'm gonna go talk to Cash for a second.

975
01:21:04,319 --> 01:21:07,779
You have my number.
You're gonna text me, right?

976
01:21:10,492 --> 01:21:11,912
Definitely.

977
01:21:15,372 --> 01:21:17,172
You know what you are?

978
01:21:24,005 --> 01:21:26,005
Handsome and cool.

979
01:21:28,093 --> 01:21:29,803
Don't make fun of me.

980
01:21:31,971 --> 01:21:33,351
I'm not.

981
01:21:57,997 --> 01:21:59,617
What's wrong with him?

982
01:22:00,834 --> 01:22:02,384
Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

983
01:22:04,254 --> 01:22:06,764
He'll be lucky if he makes it to 30.

984
01:22:08,466 --> 01:22:09,626
Is it rare?

985
01:22:11,678 --> 01:22:14,968
It affects one out of every 3,500 males.

986
01:22:15,348 --> 01:22:16,348
Man...

987
01:22:18,810 --> 01:22:21,480
Life's a real class-A bitch, isn't it?

988
01:22:25,316 --> 01:22:26,986
Not always.

989
01:22:35,243 --> 01:22:38,123
Well, thanks for the coffee, Mervin.

990
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:42,334
Well, take care of yourself in Denver.
There are a lot of perverts there.

991
01:22:42,417 --> 01:22:44,707
Yeah? And how would you know?

992
01:22:45,587 --> 01:22:47,257
We all keep in touch.

993
01:24:38,283 --> 01:24:40,033
- Come on.
- What the heck are we doing?

994
01:24:40,118 --> 01:24:43,578
Would you just do me a favor and
shut the fuck up for once in your life?

995
01:24:43,663 --> 01:24:45,923
We literally... What is that? What...
What are you doing?

996
01:24:45,999 --> 01:24:47,959
We're doing something. Come on.

997
01:25:08,521 --> 01:25:09,811
You ready?

998
01:25:14,193 --> 01:25:17,663
Get ready for the most spectacular
standing-piss in human history.

999
01:25:17,739 --> 01:25:20,239
- It's not gonna work. I promise you.
- Oh, it's gonna work.

1000
01:25:20,325 --> 01:25:23,695
All you gotta do is aim and fire.

1001
01:25:23,786 --> 01:25:25,116
I don't know.

1002
01:25:28,916 --> 01:25:29,916
Whoa.

1003
01:25:30,001 --> 01:25:32,751
It's going.
Hang on, I got it, I got it, I got it.

1004
01:25:32,837 --> 01:25:35,007
Yeah!

1005
01:25:35,089 --> 01:25:37,379
Yes!

1006
01:25:42,513 --> 01:25:46,183
Take a look!
I'm peeing standing up! Whoo!

1007
01:26:28,434 --> 01:26:29,734
Hello.

1008
01:26:58,881 --> 01:27:01,841
Trevor Conklin was handsome
and cool.

1009
01:27:05,888 --> 01:27:08,888
Soon after our trip,
I resigned as his caregiver,

1010
01:27:08,975 --> 01:27:11,435
but continued on as his friend.

1011
01:27:12,812 --> 01:27:15,362
Two weeks ago,
when I went to visit Trevor

1012
01:27:15,440 --> 01:27:19,860
on his 21st birthday, I found him
lying on the floor of his bedroom,

1013
01:27:19,944 --> 01:27:21,954
finally at peace.

1014
01:27:28,161 --> 01:27:33,581
The new caregiver, a kind woman
in her 60s named Anna, was sobbing.

1015
01:27:34,208 --> 01:27:36,538
She, like me,

1016
01:27:36,627 --> 01:27:39,047
knew just how special he was.

1017
01:27:51,601 --> 01:27:53,601
He was faking, of course.

1018
01:27:55,438 --> 01:27:57,398
Anna quit the next day.