Anon Pointedly Does Not Get Sex with a Guard

>it takes you a moment to fully process what Celestia
>er, strike that, PRINCESS Celestia
>is implying as she extolls the various benefits of ambassadorship
>to be truthful, it sounded as though your life wouldn't change that drastically
>the room she and Luna had put you up in would just become officially your residence
>the maids and butlers around the palace already served you with almost feverish adoration
>and you couldn't imagine the guards being any more or less inclined to help you depending on your status
>but the offer she seems to be extending to you, free and unrestricted access to the guard for your "entertainment"?
>well that sounds like a perk worth making use of
>you return her grin as she finishes, giving you a conspiratorial wink
"I'll bear that in mind, Princess. I take it those recommendations come from personal experience?"
>she doesn't answer, but the smile she's wearing tells you everything you need to know
>heh
>you give her a deep bow
"May I be excused, then, ma'am? I'd like to go ahead and... settle in to my new roll, as it were."
>she gives you a chuckle and a nod
>"Just remember to send for a maid when you get a chance, hm? Nobody likes sticky sheets, Anonymous~!"
>hah
>you bid her adieu with all the ceremony she deserves
>as you slide the thick oaken doors to the throne room shut behind you, you turn and see two ponies, a mare and stallion, still guarding the door
>as they catch your eye, each gives you a low bow, bringing their heads nearly to the floor as they stretch their forehooves forward in your direction and raise their tails
>a form of salute, you presume
>"Mr. Ambassador!"
>"Mr. Ambassador!"
>they greet you in unison, and you nod to each in turn
>hm
>not bad, you muse as you take stock of them
>both have exceptionally toned bodies, the muscles beneath their coats showing through with only a thin layer of body fat on the mare
>you're tempted to indulge yourself in her right now
>but only a fool takes the very first offer provided to him
>besides, as much as you enjoy the prospect, you don't know how discrete you should be in your actions
>so you simply give them a smile and continue onwards
>apparently you either walk with a new spring in your step that every pony notices
>or the entire castle staff was put on alert
>because whenever you pass, ponies give you that same salute, and whisper 'Mr. Ambassador' with varying degrees of reverence and admiration
>an anon could get used to this
>as you round the corner, you see a small group of about 7 guards all standing before a single gold-armored mare
>the moment you lock eyes with her, she stands up straighter and whips around to face the others
>"'Ten-shun! Ambassador passing, form up and preeee-sent!"
>she barks at the group, who scramble into an orderly line and then repeat that same low bow
>you slow as you pass, looking down at the row of pones laid prostrate with their eyes averted
>"Fourth Interior Division, Western Wing, sir, at your serVICE!"
>the commander barks, before about-facing and performing the salute towards the wall
>...ohhhhh
>as her tail flicks upward and slightly left, you get a healthy flash of marevag
>that's what they're doing
>come to think of it, each pone who did this did trot close enough to you that you could circle around them if you pleased
>and this would be why
>you regarded the group cautiously
>there are a number of rather attractive mares on display for you
>(and, you note, a rather effeminate stallion)
>two in particular catch your eye
>a mare with a grey coat and white mane
>and one with a white coat and purple/blue alternating stripes in her mane and tail
>hm
>you're not quite sure what proper form is on this
>is taking two at once considered improper?
>how do you discretely signal that you've chosen them, anyhow?
>it seems as though mounting them in the hallway is probably a faux pas
>ehhhh
>you won't push your luck this time
"...You, mare, what's your name?"
>you address the white-coated pegasus
>her eye opens just a crack and looks up at you, to be sure you were talking to her specifically
>"Northern Light, Mr. Ambassador!"
>she closes her eye again, eager to avoid eye contact with you
>you smile
"Well then."
>you turn back to the guard captain, who is still steadfastly staring at the wall
"Commander, if it's alright with you, I'll be relieving you of Northern Light, I have need of her services."
>the captain nods once
>"Of course, Mr. Ambassador! I have every confidence that her performance will be a SHINING example of the quality you will come to expect of this division!"
>she performs an awkward salute from her prone position
>"Will that be everything for now, suh?"
>the commander asks as you wave the private out of line and closer to you
"I do believe it will, Commander. May I ask the name of the CO responsible for this display of the Princess's Finest?"
>a small smile plays at the commander's lips as she answers
>"Sergeant Waning Gibbous, sir!"
>you give the pony a two-finger salute, before turning away from the group with Northern Light at your heels
"Very good Sergeant Gibbous, thank you. Keep up the good work."
>"Y-yes sir!"
>well that was entertaining
>but on to the real fun
>you beeline towards your room, the pegasus trotting rigidly beside you as you make your way to the western tower
>if she was nervous or embarrassed or apprehensive, she certainly didn't show a bit of it from the way she acted
>as you take to the stairs, you decide it'd be nice to be at least somewhat familiar with this mare
"So... Northern Light? Like the aurora borealis, right?"
>"Ah, sir?"
>hm
>maybe not
>is that an Earth-specific thing?
>you never really studied it
"Never mind, was just curious. So how long have you been a guard in Celestia's army?"
>she falls a half-step behind you
>"Er... four years, five months, twenty-two days, sir."
>you nod, genuinely surprised that a pony that looks as young as her would be enlisted that long
"Impressive! And were you with the Fourth Interior that whole time, or did they shift you around? Sorry, I don't know much about Equestria's military."
>her brow furrows in confusion, but she quickens the pace as you climb another flight of stairs so that she's at your left again
>"Uhm... well, I went through Entry Month in the commons like everypony else, and two years ago there was the debacle with the Southern Wall regimen that I volunteered for. Other than that, Fourth Interior all the way."
>hm
>bit of a conversational black hole, this one is
>normally folks show at least a cursory interest in learning about you in return
>but ah well, you are almost to your room
>you both reach for the handle at the same time, Light backing away as her hoof brushes your hand
>when you swing the door open, she stands expectantly, looking a little puzzled
>the silence stretches for a second or two before you gesture inside with one hand
"Go on then, ladies first."
>her confusion only worsens as the smile you give her fades into your own trepidation when the both of you continue to not move
>finally, looking deeply uncomfortable, she canters inside
>puts somewhat of a pall on the lecherous look you were going to give her backside as she passes
>it doesn't stop you
>dem flanks ain't nothin' to scoff at
>but it certainly does dampen your enthusiasm a bit
>as you walk in after her, you size her up again, more critically
>standing with her back to you, you get a slightly different angle on her than before
>certainly she's no less attractive as a mare
>her legs are lithe but strong, her body an aerodynamic work of art
>the armor for pegasi is of course necessarily lighter, so most of them wear chainmail rather than plate
>which flatters Northern Light's body nicely, draping elegantly across her back and shoulders
>save for those delicate-looking wings, tucked smooth and tight against her core
>the ponytail poking out of the back of her helmet was long but tightly tied
>if it weren't for the smartly bound tail and a stray strand of mane across her forehead, you'd have had trouble picking out her mane color at all
>but taking her in on the whole, a few other details come to mind
>her stance, as closed as being at attention allows her
>the way her eyes wander in your direction before snapping back to straight ahead
>her breath, shorter and faster than when you picked her out from the group
>awwww, she's nervous
>well, you can fix that
>you approach her and kneel down, draping one arm across her shoulder in front of her wings
>you bring your other hand up to her cheek as you whisper in her ear
"Sssh... it's okay, I promise this'll be fun..."
>"S-sir, what're--"
>you turn her head towards you and plant a gentle kiss on her lips, silencing them as you pull her closer against you
>but after a few seconds with no reaction on her part, you break it again, opening your eyes
>she's blushing terribly, looking at you in bewilderment
>"S-sir! I don't-- I mean... I-- er..."
>she appears to be dealing with some sort of conflict as she backs away from you, seemingly abandoning her disciplined "at-the-ready" stance
>okay, now you're really confused
>was this--
>oh god, this had better not have been some sort of joke on Celestia's part
>if you just made a pass at a guard because Celly was pranking you
>you swear you'll... you'll... figure out how to make her sorry
>piss in her cereal maybe?
>that thought gets cut short as Northern shakes her head slightly, still blushing furiously as she attempts to get back to attention
>"Ah-- sorry, sir! Was just not expecting that!"
>she shouts it a little louder than she has to
>you hear her mutter
>"...of dignitary does that...?"
>under her breath
>welp
>boner deleted, at least for the moment
>first time you've ever been shot down quite like that
>"My apologies, sir, you'll receive no more resistance from me."
>she salutes and stands at the ready, white cheeks still pink and eyes darting around the room nervously
>nah brah
>homie don't play that shit
>besides, something about that last sentence bothered you
"What do you mean, resistance?"
>"Sir, when you, ahem, kissed me, I flinched away. I apologize, and you have my word it will not happen again."
>well what the fuck, man
"Right... is that not how this works? Like, romance and stuff? Is kissing a turn-off or something?"
>she winces at the questions
>"Er... not at all! It's just unexpected. In this context. Uh, sir."
>this feels maddeningly like it's going around in circles
"And, just so I'm crystal clear on this, what context is that?"
>she flushes even deeper red
>"Taking me as your c-consort, sir."
"Sooooo... should I not kiss someone I'm taking as a consort?"
>"It's highly unusual!"
>she squeaks, her composure beginning to crumble
>you scratch your head as you mull all this over
>okay, different tack
"So... what is usual, then?"
>she shrugs her shoulders as if the question were utterly absurd
>"I don't know, I suppose one's just sort of chosen and they go for a quick roll in the hay, they run off to a room or hallway, and catch up to their regiment after. You know, the usual."
>that's 'the usual'?
>jeez, that sounds kind of terrible, actually
>actually that sounds soul-crushing
"And do you... prefer that?"
>she gives you an incredulous stare
>"It's part of my duties as a royal guard, sir. It's not my place to prefer it; just to do it."
>...
>you may be pissing in Celestia's cereal after all
"Okay... uh, at ease, or whatever. Relax."
>you wander to your bed, flopping down upon it and letting out a sigh
>absent-mindedly you pat the patch of bed to your left, beckoning the mare to you
>the rattle of chainmail makes you hold up a finger in protest
"Er, chainmail off, if you don't mind. Don't want the sheets getting tears in them or anything."
>you can hear her complying wordlessly as the slinky armor rattles off of her, then feel the pomf of mattress compressing under her weight as she hops up on the bed after you
>that's a bit more like it
"So... like I said before, totally ignorant as to how the guard functions. Is this sort of thing common?"
>you hear her adjust a bit on the bed and look over
>she's flitting her wings every second or two, trying to get them comfortable as she lies there
>"You mean, uh, the whole thing with the... kissing?"
>man, that deeply bothered her, didn't it?
>you shake your head
"No, like, ambassadors taking consorts in general. I don't think I've seen any foreign dignitaries since I've been here..."
>she gives you a look, and you correct yourself
"Er, any OTHER dignitaries."
>"I've only ever seen three ambassadors in the castle, sir--"
"Anonymous."
>her nose scrunches at you interrupting her, and more than likely at the impropriety of calling you by your name
"Or Anon, if that's easier."
>"...Right. But just the three, like I was saying."
>with surprising dexterity, she lifts a wing and counts off the ambassadors she can recall on her wingtips, uncurling them as she recollects
>"Ambassador Ahau, from the southern lands, back when I was a fresh recruit. A year later, Ambassador Commander Steelclaw on behalf of the gryphons. And then six months ago, Ambassador Broodmother Kaa'lith from the Dragon Lands. Thank goodness the dragons are another matriarchy!"
>she chuckles nervously as you try to puzzle out what she means by that
>then a second later an image of a full-grown male dragon bent over a pony that you already dwarf in size flashes through your head
>...thank goodness indeed
>if they're anything like cats from your world, you can't imagine any guard would enjoy servicing a gryphon, either
>one word
>spines
>shuddering, you sit fully upright and look over to where the purple-maned mare is constantly readjusting her wings
>you don't know for sure, but you can take a guess as to why
"So, then... it's normally just Celestia..."
>you mutter more to you than her
>not that that stops her from nodding in the affirmative
>"Yes Mr. Am-Anonymous."
>she corrects herself quickly
>reaching out slowly, you take her wing by the base, spreading it open and closely observing the way her feathers radiate out from it
>you spot a couple out of place, and adjust them slightly
>one simply falls out in your fingers, so you place that aside on the nightstand
"And is that sort of thing a common occurrence for her, then?"
>her wings flap shut in indignation
>"What!"
>oh hey, you guess asking about the sexual appetite of the god-ruler of a country is mildly taboo
>who could've guessed?
>you blink and backpedal as quickly as you can
"I--I just meant-- I was curious, is all, you don't have to tell me!"
>her muzzle unscrunches after a few seconds, her wings slowly opening again
>"Well... good! Because I won't! Er, can't!"
>between her blush and the way she reacted, you're not sure how much of that was indignity over being asked
>and how much was indignity over the answer
>you chuckle hesitantly and let the conversation rest for a few seconds, finding another pinion feather that needs adjusting
"Y'know..."
>you mention casually as you move to the other wing
>(she at least crawls close enough to you for you to reach and examine it easily, head resting on your leg)
"You never answered me, before, about whether you actually enjoy your 'duties'."
>"Ah, it sort of... depends..."
>she trails off as you massage her wing gently, noting how a little pressure splays her wings in a wider arc
>you chuckle
"On who's getting the service, right?"
>she gives you another indignant look, but you ignore it this time, shaking your head
"It's alright, you know, you can just say that you like Celestia best."
>"I-- I mean-- she--"
>heh, you like how she sputters when she gets called out
>a hardened guard, reduced to babbling by something as simple as stating the obvious
>she turns her head away from you, muzzle in the air as she speaks
>"As a royal guard, I have no obligation to answer that question, sir."
"Heh, then don't answer as a royal guard. Just as Northern Light: you like it when Celestia picks you as her consort, right?"
>she keeps her nose pointed steadfastly in the air, apparently determined not to answer you
>aw c'mon, this is fun, don't clam up now
>you can afford to needle her a little, especially if it means she'll drop being a guard and talk to you pony to man
"I don't blame you, y'know. Objectively, she's an attractive mare. Those huge graceful wings, her beautiful flowing hair, those thick, full..."
>you see her ears twitch
"...lips--"
>"Sh-shut up! You're wrong!"
>she snaps, smacking your arm lightly with her hoof
>but after a few seconds she lets her head fall in shame
>"...I... I like her voice."
>you pull another loose feather and place it next to the first on the nightstand
>"The way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she whispers in your ear, you can... feel how much she loves you."
>she looks back at you and has the most bittersweet smile on her face
>aww
>"It's.... I don't know how to explain it, but everypony she's chosen, they feel it. It's like she makes them her whole world, like you're the most important pony who ever lived. Like..."
"Like a sunrise in your heart."
>you offer up, and she nods
>"Right. I mean... Princess Luna... oh, I shouldn't tell you any of this!..."
>you hold your hands up in protest
"Hey, you have my word as an Ambassador and as a gentleman... gentlecolt? Gentle-being, none of this ever leaves this room."
>she appraises you for a long moment
>apparently you pass muster, because she continues
>"Princess Luna's... she's brash and wild, no two ponies ever describe her quite the same. But Celestia? She's tender, and warm, and just..."
>she sighs
>god, this is just too fucking sweet
>you pull a stray strand of mane back behind her ear, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly as you think
>it makes more sense now, why she was so off-put by your kiss
>most dignitaries probably view their heightened status as a free pass for some delicious pony poon
>(hell, you sure regarded it that way when Celestia made note of it)
>but Celestia and Luna?
>you could never imagine either of them being anything but loving and kind to their guards, even if they were using them to 'relieve stress'
>so of course having someone go for a kiss instead of a quick lay would be startling
>it made sense
>even if you didn't like that it did
>and if a night (or afternoon) with one of the princesses was everything Northern Light says it is
>you could see why they'd suffer through an Ambassador's advances for the opportunity to experience that
>...
>okay, Celestia, your cereal's safe
>for now
>blinking, you realize you've been scritching absent-mindedly between the snow-white pegasus' ears for the last few minutes
"It sounds like you honestly love it."
>she nods, eyes closed, as you continue to scratch, ears flicking out of sync as your hand brushes past them
>"When we say that it's considered an honor and a pleasure to serve in Celestia's army, we mean it."
>you move your hand lower, her wings stretching upwards as you scratch the point just between the joints where they connect
>"Though this isn't bad either..."
>she grudgingly admits
>you chuckle again, rubbing her coat down a couple times to smooth it out where your fingers had traveled
>giving her a final-ish pat on the back, you let out a contented sigh
"Heh, well, when you get the chance and you're off-duty, come back and we'll do this again. Plus you can tell me all the kinky things Luna's into."
>"Haha, not a chance, sir. You think she's mad when there's no coffee made when she gets up at sunset!"
>you stretch, and the mare sits up, hopping off the bed just a moment before you
>as she tosses the mail over herself and pulls her wings through it, you let out a sigh
>this wasn't remotely what you were hoping for when you picked her out of the line of guards
>not that you regret what you did get
>far from it
>turning back to you in full regalia, she hesitates a moment
>"...You really did mean what you said, right? About not telling anyone what I told you? The princess's reputation--"
"Could not possibly be safer."
>you cut over her, giving her a wink
"...On two conditions."
>she freezes on her way out into the hall, ears perking up attentively
>heh, getting a rise out of Northern Light might just become a new favorite pastime of yours
>"Which are?"
"One:"
>you hold up a finger, before pointing it at her
"Unless it's official Guard business, you have to call me Anon, or at least Anonymous."
>she rolls her eyes, but nods as she looks back over her shoulder at you in expectation of the second condition
>"Alright, and two?"
"And two:..."
>you smirk
"You have to tell me the name of that purple mare in your platoon, y'know, the one with the gemstone cutie mark?"
>giving you a more serious look, she shakes her head and trots toward the door wordlessly
>aw c'mon, no fair
>her tail is almost out of view before you hear her call over her shoulder
>"You mean Amethyst Rose? The mare who likes fancy Italian dinners and bad horror movies, shift ends at 7?"
>your face cracks into a grin as you hear her trotting down the spiraling stairs
>"Sorry Mr. Ambassador, sir, can't share personal info like that. Guess you'll have to ask her yourself!"