Hello, friend

Yeah, I realize that talking to you like this is impersonal as hell, but I would've copy and pasted this verbatim to 20 other people anyway.

Do you think I should continue teching in college?

I came to the realization that, as a tech, my creative opnions don't matter and are irrelevant. And maybe 90% of my failures last year were because I didn't recognize that I should have just given up what I thought was right and rolled with what someone else wanted instead.

And right now in my life I kinda want-slash-need something creative to be very much by me and under my control, and tech theatre probably can't give that to me. And so in that sense at least tech isn't for me.

But at the same time, if I stop doing tech for right now and decide to come back to it later, I'm put at a disadvantage. Directors reach for people they know and people who have been there from the start (see: Julie and Rebecca). And so I don't want to be scrambling and fighting for responsibility, as the relative newcomer, when others have been established already. If I'm going to continue teching, I'll want to be there from the start.

So it feels like it's all-or-nothing. I know it's not, but it feels that way.

To answer the question of whether tech makes me happy - I don't know. It's kind of besides the point for me. The real question is that I still very much WANT to do it, but I don't know if I should or not any more.

And I can and will hide it from my parents. I'm willing to fight that fight, so don't worry about that, either.

Let me know what you think. And honestly.