Uh-hmmm

Cold Edge Anon Part 3

Apr 21st, 2014
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  1. > The apron unfastens, and you have to trot to keep up as Rarity returns to the main room.
  2. > What follows is best left as a montage
  3. > Frilly French maid
  4. > Victorian Courtier
  5. > Chippendale uniform
  6. > a bow tie and a fez
  7. > clown makeup
  8. > That last one gives Rarity an idea.
  9. > You wouldn't think of it yourself, but full body dye jobs are very much a thing.
  10. > You are now a brown pony, nothing special, with a white button down shirt vest thing with short sleeves.
  11. > Somehow, you feel as if you should get in the robot, whatever that means.
  12. > Pinkie Pie shakes Rarity's hoof.
  13. "If I didn't know better, I would say he's a boring pony! Oooohhh let's try sequins next!"
  14. "NOPE."
  15. > You cough.
  16. "I mean, thank you very much, Miss Rarity. I feel like a new pony."
  17. > She chews on her lip.
  18. "Anon, be sure to stay dry for the next hour or so, or else the dye will just run off. We wouldn't want to start another mass hysteria."
  19. > You just know you're going to get wet.
  20. "I'll do my best."
  21. > You brace yourself for screams of terror as you leave the shop, but none are forthcoming.
  22. > Ponies do give you uneasy looks as they pass by, but you'll take it.
  23. > Pinkie Pie vibrates until she's in front of you.
  24. "So what do you want to do now, not-so-scary-at-anon-secretariat?"
  25. "An awkward pause. I mean, let me think."
  26. > Because you don't really have anything you need to be doing... although some bits would be nice.
  27. "Where's the nearest body of water?"
  28.  
  29. > An hour later, you stand before a sizable lake.
  30. > It takes less effort to make ice from existing water, and you plan on making a fair amount if ice.
  31. > You close your eyes and focus your wishy powers, slowly drawing the water vapor from the lake's surface, building a basic wagon.
  32. > You open your eyes and
  33. "Wow, nony, that looks just like aunt Thuthu!"
  34. > Batwings, octopus head, and the rest of the wagon makes your eyes slide away to look at something else, anything else.
  35. "Hey Pinkie Pie? Mind standing back, like way back?"
  36. "Okie Dokie!"
  37. > Let's try this again.
  38. > You don't have to split your concentration as much this time, the wagon is already mostly formed.
  39. > When you open your eyes again, it looks like a Victorian stagecoach, albeit with skulls and cats ornamentation.
  40. > It's ice, most ponies probably won't notice.
  41. > You form a large, open top bin on top and fill it with snow.
  42. "Get in the carriage, Pinkie, we got bits to make!"
  43. > Even knowing her heritage, you are still surprised when she jumps out of the water.
  44. "Rawr! I just had the longest nap! Teeheehee!"
  45. "... Just get in the car."
  46.  
  47. > You park your wagon in a random spot in the village market.
  48. > It's only after you are done converting it into a stall that you realize your mistake.
  49. > Pinkie is still nearby, chatting with a newly arriving salespony.
  50. > Remember the skull and cat theme?
  51. > Some skulls have tentacles coming out the eye sockets, or bat wings fused to the back.
  52. > Luckily, your eyes can't focus on whatever the cats have become, so no pony should be too bothered.
  53. > You set out two rows of seven ice mugs with tentacle handles and prime the tap that leads up to the reservoir of melted snow that is the stall roof.
  54. > You would have liked for your market debut to not include eldritch horror, but at this point, you just hope the water doesn't induce nightmares.
  55. > The letters of the sign over your stall read,
  56. "Cold Water"
  57. > And on a smaller placard,
  58. " 1 mug - 1 bit
  59. 1 pitcher - 3 bits
  60. 1 jug - 9 bits
  61. Only melts on the inside"
  62. > Which is a thing you found you could do on the way to market.
  63. > Ponies have started gathering for lunchtime, but your stall is only getting the occasional uneasy glance.
  64. > You hate public speaking.
  65. "Get your cold water! Magic mugs, no need for ice cubes! Um, it's cold! It's water! It could be yours for one bit!"
  66. > Maybe this was a terrible idea.
  67. > Just then old Granny Smith comes hobbling out of the crowd.
  68. > She peers sternly at your stall.
  69. "Young buck, where'd you git the water?"
  70. > You were actually ready for this.
  71. "Condensed it from water vapor myself, ma'am. Purer than the melted snow."
  72. > She considers this, then focuses on the mugs.
  73. "Magic yeh say? How magic?"
  74. "Partially magic. The ice melts, but only on the inside. No need to add ice cubes, it stays chilled from the mug."
  75. "Sounds powerful."
  76. "I wouldn't say that..."
  77. "Beautiful, then."
  78. "I guess?"
  79. "DANGEROUS!"
  80. "NO."
  81. > At least, you hope not.
  82. > Granny picks up a mug and examines it.
  83. "Cold."
  84. "Yes, that is the idea."
  85. > Granny Smith sets it back down.
  86. "How much fer just the mug?"
  87. > You think about it.
  88. "One bit for two mugs, though if you buy in bulk, and give me prior notice, I would be happy to offer a discount. Oh, and about these mugs, the enchantment lasts until the inside melts through to the outside, or if they get broken."
  89. > Granny nods decisively.
  90. "Ah might take yoo up on that offer come a month from now."
  91. > She sets a bit down on the counter.
  92. "One mug for testin'."
  93. > She meanders off, sipping from her purchase.
  94. > After that, more customers come and go, spreading the word, and by lunchtime you have to refill the bin with magically generated snow.
  95. > Between that and making all the mugs and pitchers from scratch, you are dead tired by three in the afternoon.
  96. > A drop of water falls on your head.
  97. > You look up.
  98. > The entire roof of your stall is shot with cracks. There is no time to respond.
  99. > SPLOOOSH
  100. > The water runs brown out of your stall.
  101. > Your first though is
  102. 'Why did it turn to poop?'
  103. > Then
  104. 'I thought the dye had dried...'
  105. > Straggling in at third is,
  106. 'Uh oh.'
  107. > Which is accompanied by the panicked screams of ponies.
  108. > Well, at least Pinkie is sticking around, even if she is rolling on the ground and giggling.
  109. > You are pulled out of the haze of your surrender to fate's winds by the sound of galloping.
  110. > Looking up, you see Applejack, of all ponies, and she means business.
  111. "Yer gonna pay for eatin' that salespony!"
  112. "I am that salespony!"
  113. > You are the brute squad.
  114. > Applejack is closing fast, and it's now that you remember she is both the stubborn one and the most xenophobic.
  115. > You try to salvage your situation.
  116. "I was dyed brown tah look like him!"
  117. > That came out wrong.
  118. "No, wait, what ah meant was,-"
  119. "Enough of yer lies! And stop mockin' me"
  120. > This is one of those times you hate how you imitate the people you talk to.
  121. > Applejack dives at you, aiming for a flying tackle.
  122. > You hastily fling up a shield of ice.
  123. > It shatters, but your opponent is deflected.
  124. > You turn to face her next charge, readying a much thicker shield.
  125. > She charges again, leaping over you.
  126. > You haven't even begun to turn when she bucks you hard into your own shield.
  127. > You don't think you will be able to sit down for a while.
  128. > She grimly walks to your prone body, pulling back a hoof to kick your head.
  129. > Oh HELL no.
  130. > Wishy powers activate!
  131. > Ice flows from your shield and seizes Applejack's limbs, piling on and on until only her torso and head are free of ice.
  132. > You groan as you get to your hooves.
  133. " Dear Universe, was that really necessary? Did you have to kick my ass right before the sabbath? That wasn't nice. "
  134. > Applejack pauses in her struggles to break free.
  135. "Yer donkey before the whose what now?"
  136. > You ignore her, caught up in the film reference.
  137. "It's enough you pick on me. Bless me with macabre ice powers, a life of poverty, that's all right. But what have you got against my rear? Really, sometimes I think, when things are too quiet up there, you say to yourself, 'Let's see, what kind of mischief can I play on my friend, Anonymous.'"
  138.  
  139. > Once again, hoofsteps echo in the empty marketplace.
  140. > You hear the pony call out,
  141. "Where is everypony? Oh I hope the water salespony isn't gone."
  142. > Applejack yells,
  143. "Twilight! Watch out, he's dangerous!"
  144. > The alicorn rounds the corner, levitating an empty ice mug. Her eyes widen, then narrow.
  145. "Tigerkin."
  146. > So there is a thing that you actually are, aside from a cringingly edgey pony OC?
  147. > Any hope of a peaceful resolution dies as Twilight's eyes blaze with magic.
  148. > You gather all the available ice and water around you, surrounding yourself in a globe of claws, jaws, skulls, and tentacles.
  149. > Your vision takes on a navy hue as you dig deep for reserves you hope will be enough to keep you alive.
  150. > You hear muffled voices in the background, but you are focused on the light building along Twilight's horn.
  151. > You dodge the first beam of kinetic energy, flowing around it with the aide of your ice.
  152. > As you close the distance, the beams come faster and harder to avoid. You start losing ice mass.
  153. > You just barely dodge a particularly large beam, and your air bubble is breached.
  154. > You are blinded by a flash of light. That it when you remember that Twilight can teleport.
  155. > Your over exposed eyes register a brief after image of Purple Smart before your body is rocked by the sudden appearance of the princess at close quarters, her hoof slamming into your head.
  156. > You rear and lash out, but she teleports again, and this time you feel a wave of heat and an electric jolt from the edge of the displacement magic.
  157. > She sweeps your hind legs, and as you fall you call the ice to you as spikes, stopping inches from your hide.
  158. > Predictably, Twilight ported to a safe spot, and breathing deep, regular breaths.
  159. > You are quite winded, and there is a ringing in your ears. There also seems to be a voice saying,
  160. "Twilight! Anon! Helloooo~!"
  161. > But you have no time for that. Ice seals itself to you, thickening as armor and claws on your legs, a tiger head framing your face, and huge sharp bat wings because you officially don't care about being a furfag OC and you want to LIVE.
  162. > Twilight raises the pavement slabs between you and her, a shimmering globe forming around her.
  163. > You dash into the floating field of stone, jumping and flying and enjoying dodging rocks on some level that likes being a winged tiger pony unironically.
  164. > Twilight soon gets better at rock throwing, and there are far too many close calls.
  165. > At ten feet away, one of your wings shatters between two stones and you rapidly spiral down to the ground.
  166. > You charge, your other wing quickly lost in the deluge of earthen missiles.
  167. > Your claws rend Twilight's shield, and you see a hint of fear in her resolute expression.
  168. "I SAID STOP!"
  169. > You recognize the rumbling that accompanies the high pitched yell.
  170. > All your forward momentum is halted on the plane of a pink hoof, and you see Twilight's magic rebound and separate into fractal spirals on Pinkie's other hoof.
  171. > For the slightest moment, you can see infinity in the curls of her mane, but then the moment is gone, and you and Twilight are just standing around awkwardly while Pinkie huffs in exasperation.
  172. "Now that you guys are done being silly willy fillies, Twilight, this is my friend Anonymous. Anonymous, this is my friend Twilight."
  173. > You nod sheepishly.
  174. "Nice to meet you, Twilight."
  175. "L-likewise?"
  176. > Pinkie Pie beams at both of you.
  177. "I can't wait for you guys to become best friends!"
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