A Rope, a Plane and a Skeleton Walk into a Bar

Dub was excited about his plans for the day. Get his ropes groomed, then head round to his girlfriend's house and ask her on a surprise date. His breakfast was even more delicious than usual.

"Well look who thinks his head burns white hot."

"Shut it, Dave! She's the one who likes it when I style my flames like this! Not that she admits it, but I know."

"Yeah yeah, and she'll outright say she loves you when Woshua lives in a sty."

"Ha ha, bro."

A hearty breakfast inside him, Dub made his way down to the MTT™ Salon, which specialized in cases like his. There the stylist, wearing welding gear, carefully snipped and tidied up the parts of him that were most frayed, making sure not to burn themselves. Then he considered getting some flowers, but he wasn't good at controlling his heat yet, they'd probably shrivel. She could handle such things, it was part of why he liked her. Instead he stopped by a garage and bought a large bottle of polish. It would help her wings look even better than usual.

Noting the time, he decided to head over to her house straight away. She usually needed some time to get her head around the idea of most of their plans, to "reluctantly" change her mind and go along because this and that was pretty cool. You had to respect how she always handled things on her own terms. Licking back his flames one more time, Dub headed over to her house, and rang the doorbell. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he waited patiently.

And there she was. Floating above the ground, assessing what she was seeing with that projected indifference. Her bright blue ribbon complimented her cockpit. The engine noise quietened as she took him in as well.

"Oh, it's you."

There it was, that barrier she put up. Fortunately this one didn't need seven human souls to dismantle. If Dub hadn't been so smitten, he might have picked up the genuine edge.

"Tsunie, can I come in?"

"...sure."

Huh, that was a little more clipped than usual. Oh well. He walked into her living room, and sat on the chair he usually sat on.

"That one has an infestation. Sit on the floor."

A voice in his head was picking up her increased tone of disdain, but he wasn't ready to listen yet.

"I got you some of that polish you like using."

"Oh, okay."

"I'll put it on the mantlepiece, shall I?"

"If you want."

Dub proceeded to extract the polish from his metal carrying bag and put it quickly above the fireplace before he started to boil it.

"So what do you think you're doing here, Mister Pyrope?"

Time to plant the idea in her head. "Well, Grillbys is having a Hotlands only night tonight. It's meant to be nice and toasty, just like Underground. I thought you might be interested in going? As friends?" he hastily added.

She turned her tail to him, hovering in front of a mirror.

"No."

This was pretty standard. "I understand. Well, if maybe you change your mind later, you can call me and-"

"I don't think I'll be changing my mind."

This was new. Dub felt off balance."

"You really don't want to-?"

"Well not with someone like YOU, anyway."

This wasn't an unusual line, but he was finally picking up on all the genuine anger beneath it.

"Tsund, what-"

"I didn't even like you that way! Still don't! But you have the nerve to come here after you..." she seemed to lose herself in her anger.

"What? What did I-?"

"You have to ask?! You're even dumber than I thought!" She shrieked. "You've got some nerve! Get out! I don't want to see you ever again!"

Dub was hopelessly lost. "Tsunderplant, please tell me-"

"Why should I if it means so little to you? Get lost, idiot!"

He felt numb, and the only thing he could do was obey. Getting up from the floor, he shuffled out of her house, hearing the door slam fiercely behind him. He didn't get much farther than four houses away from hers on the same street, and he sat on the kerb, staring at a blank patch of grass across the street, trying to figure out what just happened.

Which was how Sans found him two hours later.

"s'up dave."

"It's Dub."

"whoops. never good in name contests. now my bro, he'd be in it t-win."

Dub didn't react at all.

"come on buddy, not even a groan?"

"Oh," said Dub distantly, "okay. Ugh."

"did you seriously say 'ugh'? come on pal, what's eating you?"

"I had it all worked out. How did it blow up in my face like that?"

"did you dip your head in a box of dynamite? that's one way to blow it."

"Nah, it's... Well..."

And Dub finally launched into the story of how he had not only been stonewalled by Tsunderplant, but outright rejected. They weren't even kinda-friends right now, and he was utterly clueless as to why.

"huh. sure you didn't try something spontaneous and screw up winging it?"

"No. You know her, surprises have to be carefully planned. And I did, I swear!"

"okay, buddy, gimme a minute."

"To do what-"

But Sans was gone. Without external stimulus, Dub began to stare across the street again. He was glad spring was approaching, winter always made him feel, not cold, but tired. Though that wouldn't do much without-

"-not much of a shortcut, this is still my street, I can't even see the airport- oh!"

Dub wheeled around. Sans and Tsunderplant were standing, or hovering, there.

"What is this, Sans. I have no further business with this, this, GENTLEMAN."

Why did the most polite words always have to hurt like that? He wished she'd curse or something.

"look, lady, dub here is completely clueless about why you're mad at him. why don't ya just tell him how he screwed up and get past all this turbulence."

"If he considers himself a friend of mine, she shouldn't need to-"

"ain't that kinda unreasonable? i mean the king and queen ain't on good terms, but they both at least talked to each other and both know why."

"Well I'm not a queen. If anyone wants to be my friend, or more than that, then they should-"

"C u t  t h e  a l o o f  g a r b a g e,  o k a y?"

Tsunderplant was struck dumb by the sudden tone shift. Somehow it spurred Dub on.

"Tsunie, please. How can I make it up to you if I don't even know what I did?"

Her windows trembled. She wasn't used to being forced into tipping her hand like this. When she revealed something, it was on her terms. But still, she had heard stories.

"I'm mad at this idiot because... because... Valentines!"

Dub was now confused.

"But I told you, the King needed me as an example of monsters with extreme heat requirements at that conference! I told you I couldn't make it. You even said that was okay! Even if you hung up right after that."

"And what's my reward for extending such trust?! No card!"

"No card...?"

"I waited three whole days, in case it got held up or something! But nothing! Clearly you can't think that much of me!"

"But... But I DID send you a card. It should have arrived on the thirteenth, just to be sure."

"Oh really?" Her voice was heavy with scepticism. "Then where is it?"

"hmm..." interjected Sans, "i might have an idea. stay here."

He was gone again. Dub took an opportunity to try looking Tsunderplant straight in the eyes, determined to show he really had sent a card. Perhaps shaken by Sans' tone, she didn't swivel round. She was still struggling to look at him however. Finally she properly returned his gaze, and something in her cockpit windows seemed to soften-

"here's the culprit, lady and germ."

Sans was back. A squat, off-white monster with large black eyes stood in front of him, as if at gunpoint."

"spill the beans, pal."

"Ugh, okay, whatever." sighed Jerry. "I use your address for large parcels so I don't have to walk over to the post office and pick them up. I grabbed this by mistake."

He handed over a large pink envelope, which Tsunderplant took in her cargo crane.

"Oh, I think you also got a letter from Doctor Drake. The test results came back negative."

The metal around her nose started to turn red hot.

"too much information, bud. now get lost."

Without a backwards glance, Jerry took out his phone and started tapping on it as he scurried off.

"welp, my work here is done. gotta get back to work in time for my scheduled break."

The two of them were alone. Tsunderplant had taken the time to extract the equally pink card from its envelope.

"'Let's soar together'? Idiot, i-it's not like I like you that way or anything."

The actual anger was gone. Dub took his chance.

"So. Grillby's. Have you given any thought to it?"

Her wings fluttered in something like a shrug.

"Well it has been pretty cold today. Might be nice to warm up. But as friends, okay? Don't get any ideas!"

Dub already had a pretty good idea.