A 2017 Reflection

A 2017 Reflection

I realize that I have already written a reflection pastebin, but that one was more focused on aspects of my speedrunning, stress, and issues controlling my anger. This one will be, as the title suggests, a reflection of my 2017 as a whole, as well as my future plans. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write this because I didn’t know how much I’d have to say, but thinking last night and this morning made me realize that I still have quite a lot on my mind.

I’m not going to structure this as a reflection by month because, to be quite honest, I can’t remember most of the beginning of the year. Instead, I’m going to group things together by topic and reflect on my progression in a specific thing throughout the whole year. Starting with:

HEALTH:
I struggled a lot with my health in 2016, and at the start of 2017 I was still dealing with it. Between stress, grief over dealing with my dad’s death, poor eating habits, lack of exercise, and the discovery that I have acid reflux, I consistently felt like shit. The fact that I got a really bad case of food poisoning towards the end of 2016 did not help matters.

Thankfully, I have made noticeable leaps and bounds in improving my health. I am on a prescription medication that helps control my acid reflux, so I can eat (most) food without feeling like I’m about to be sick. The grief over my dad has, for the most part, gone away as I have learned to cope (more on that later). My stress levels, while still kind of high, are not nearly as bad as they were at the start of the year. I am certainly a lot happier and more optimistic than I was. My eating habits are still kind of poor, and I still do not exercise, but I plan on improving on both of these in 2018. But overall I feel much healthier.


SMASH:
2017 was the year that I finally went to an out of region tournament, that being CEO Dreamland. Despite placing last, it was a lot of fun. However, 2017 was also the year I lost my passion for Smash. I was so detached from the rest of MD/VA that I could no longer reasonably improve and try to keep up with the increasing competition (that I was already only average in comparison to anyway). At the locals I did have, our already small playerbase was dwindling even more, so things began to feel repetitive. I also STILL failed to resolve the character crisis that had plagued me throughout all of Smash 4’s life, and that I had told myself I’d resolve by the beginning of 2017. But instead I jumped from Cloud to Greninja back to Cloud to Sheik to Marth and Lucina to Greninja again to Cloud to etc.

Over time I slowly realized that Greninja simply did not fit how I wanted to play. I love the frog, but I think optimal Greninja involves a lot of running away and throwing Shurikens. This is not how I like playing. Likewise, by the end of the year I came to the realization that Cloud was not for me either. Optimal Cloud should, in my opinion, abuse his range to put up a defensive wall, which is again not how I enjoy playing. Cloud also feels like a very heavy character to me, not necessarily in weight, but rather in how his moves feel and connect, as well as controlling him. I play much better with very fluid characters. I had people all the time tell me my Cloud was good, but I always felt like I was fighting myself more than I was fighting my opponent, so eventually I tried to focus on Sheik, as she is very fluid and aggressive. While it worked for a while, I quickly realized how stressful Sheik was, and I eventually stopped having fun with her, even though on paper she was the perfect character for me. Three years into the game and I was still struggling to find a character I truly loved playing, which combined with my lack of motivation due to the reasons I mentioned above, caused me to stop caring about Smash.

However, I was playing on WiFi with friends, and on a whim I decided to play as Diddy Kong. The second character I ever tried to play, and my original Wii U main.

That was probably the most fun I had had in Smash 4 in a long time. In the past I felt like my Diddy was extremely braindead, and as a result I autopiloted too much and hurt my gameplay. But I feel like everything I learned while trying other characters all came together to make my Diddy a lot better. I also remembered how much I enjoyed Diddy’s versatility; I could go from playing a strong neutral and defensive game to suddenly exploding out of nowhere with an extremely aggressive push.

I decided to play Diddy at my next weekly, and lo and behold I performed a lot better. For most of this three month season, I have played almost all Diddy (though in a few instances I have pulled out Cloud, Sheik, and Mewtwo) and my results have been much stronger; I’ve been able to consistently beat people who used to give me a lot of trouble, and have better held my own against (and even on occasion beaten) the two players I would say are definitely better than me at this weekly. My enjoyment for the game and my own abilities have both risen again, and I can say that, like I predicted a long time ago, my character crisis has (hopefully) ended with the character I started this all with in the first place (3DS Greninja notwithstanding).


SPEEDRUNNING:
2017 was my most significant year in speedrunning by a considerable margin. In Crash 2 especially, I went from having a 1:41:24 in 100% to the 1:22:37 I currently have. Likewise, I went from a 48:09 in No GO to my current 43:51. I also made significant improvements in Crash 3, reaching 49:21 in NIG, as well as finally picking up Crash 1, getting a respectable 1:21:19 in 100% and a decidedly average 47:45 in Any%.

My true significance lies in NST, however, as stated before. I have consistently been a top runner in that game since release (and at a point in time I was arguably the best runner). I almost singlehandedly innovated all of Crash 2 Any%, pushed every Crash 2 category farther than Stuart or I ever imagined they would go, and also brought contributions to Crash 1 and Crash 3 that I would consider significant. Although I’ve slowed down a bit, and I would no longer call myself the best, I am still one of the top runners in NST, and plan to continue pushing it.

2017 was also the year I branched out into a non-Crash game, with A Hat in Time. It was also the year that I truly became a part of the Crash community and met so many amazing people. What I started as a simple side hobby has become a defining part of who I am, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.


MY DAD:
This one probably seems out of left field, because I rarely ever go into detail about my dad, but I do think I have made a lot of progress in coping with his death. I don’t talk about it often because I prefer not to. I know my sister and my mom both still struggle a lot with the fact that he’s gone, and sometimes I feel like the fact that I don’t makes me seem insensitive or uncaring.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in the same house that he lived in the whole time, unlike my sister, and I wasn’t married to him like my mother, but I have just over time grown accustomed to the fact that he’s no longer here. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt; the pain of it will never go away. That’s partly why I don’t talk about him much; I prefer to not dwell on it, because it hurts to think about it too much. I couldn’t even talk about the day he died to a friend of mine because even trying to made me want to cry.

But that isn’t the only reason I don’t talk about his death much or grieve for him or try to think about it. I also know he wouldn’t want me to dwell on it. He would have wanted me, wanted all of us, to keep going, and live our lives.

I guess that ultimately I’ve come to terms with and accepted the fact that he’s gone, and even though it hurts, I’m not going to let that stop me or hold me back. He never would have wanted it to.


That’s all I have in terms of reflecting on the year. So what do I have planned for the future?

SPEEDRUNNING:
I said I was going to slow down on speedrunning, and while in a sense I have, in that I’m doing a lot less categories, I still do runs regularly. I simply enjoy it too much to not do runs, and I love interacting with all of my friends in the community. I may take a small hiatus just so I can catch up on some of the games I still haven’t played through, such as Splatoon 2, Pokemon Ultra Sun, and others, but I plan on coming back in full force after AGDQ.

NST will still be my main game, with my primary category of focus being 102% for now. Once I get where I want with that I’ll shift to either 100%, 105%, or All Gems. Not too pressed on any other category tbh.

I still want to aim for a sub-1:20 in OG Crash 2 Hundo. After I get that I’ll see how I feel. I wouldn’t entirely mind getting a 42 in No GO either. I may go back to OG Crash 1 at some point, but I have no intention on returning to Crash 3.

In regards to other speedgames, I am enjoying the more casual and relaxed pace at which I’m taking A Hat in Time. I will continue doing that, and if I want to pick up any other side games for fun, I’ll probably look into Spyro 1 or HP1PS1.

Speedrunning stresses me out because I have finally experienced what it’s like to be at the top and fall. I do finally have a true competitor in the form of DeepFreecs, and while I do appreciate that he pushes me to go further in NST, there’s always that hypercompetitive side of me that hates falling behind. I’m always afraid that my improvement is going to plateau like it did in Crash 2, and I’m gonna be left behind and forgotten as the guy that pioneered so much for NST. I already have seen bits of it happen to both myself and Roach in Crash 3 NST, and I feel like I’m beginning to see it happen in Crash 2 NST.

I’ve already had one of Deep’s fans come to my most recent 102 videos and heckle me, telling me how Deep is much better than me or saying how Deep has beaten my time. And as silly and insignificant as shit like that is, it bothers me. Like, why should I try if I’m just gonna have shitters like that constantly tell me that I’m bad? The rabid fanbases don’t care about the game, or the speed. They just care that their favorite is on top, and nothing else. I saw it with KrisMarqz’s fans and I see it now with Deep’s (note: this says nothing of how the runners themselves feel, just their fans).

At the same time though, I am not gonna let some silly insignificant hecklers stop me from doing what I do. I don’t do runs and I don’t go for records in order to be the best or have gratification and views. That’s just a bonus. I do this because I love it, I want to go fast, and I want to see the game be pushed to its limits.

So even if it discourages me, it won’t stop me. Even if I fall, I guarantee I will get back up and keep moving forward.

SMASH AND YU-GI-OH:
I didn’t even mention Yu-Gi-Oh! in my reflection because, outside of finally going to Nats and becoming closer friends with a lot of players, I have not made much progress in it this year. I hope to change that this year by going to more tournaments, and likewise I would like to do the same with Smash, now that my enjoyment with it has returned. Hopefully I can go to a lot more events in both by being closer to them, because my next big goal for 2018 is...

MOVING:
I never wanted to return to Southern Maryland after I graduated. I have not liked living here in a long time, and my time in college opened me up to a much bigger world that I would much rather be a part of. The reason I returned home was because my dad (who was very sick at the time) needed help around the house, and I had a job opportunity lined up. So for his sake as well as to get my foot in the door of the workforce, I moved back home.

I originally only planned to stay for a year, but my dad’s death lead me to stay longer for my mom’s sake. As of now I have been home for 1 year and 7 months. And it has been very stressful at many points, partly due to my own fault admittedly. But ultimately I am ready to be on my own, be an adult, and live my life. I have bided my time, waiting for an opportunity to rise, and I believe one has, that will bring me closer to everything and put me on a path in life that I want. Hopefully this all plays out well and happens shortly after AGDQ, but we’ll see.

TOP 20 FAVORITE GAMES
I didn’t expect this to get as much response as it did, nor did I expect most people to actually want to see my list in the form of small video reviews. I love ranking things and making Top 10/20/whatever lists, and if I were to ever do content creation on YouTube, that’s probably what I would consider doing. I really enjoyed the Top 10 list I did in 2014, so I upped the ante and made a more detailed Top 20 list last year. This year I wanted to push it even further with videos, and it seems that everyone else was also interested. This is probably the largest scale project I’ve ever undertaken in terms of content, and while I’ve started on it, it will take some more time. I’m hopeful that I can get it released by February, so we’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you all updated on it.


And that is all I really have to say for now. Here are some shoutouts to all of the great people I’ve interacted with this year:

*Walsacks: Chusday, submediant, Tombstone, Jdawg, Hawtlava, Exist, Relaxed, Cree, and Techei; for being some of my best friends for several years now, for making me feel welcome, and for being best Smash Crew in MD/VA.

*The Sprash Community, namely those in the Paawse: WhitePaaws, Tebt, Roach (not in Paawse but still), Rebag, Gpro, Cameron, Dep, burgerlands, CrashRatchet, Shadow, evil, Joester, Marshy, Rex, Rijiku, SuperBoomFan, Katz, zbm, Zoey, Ghost, Wingo, Michael, Redhot, Trob, Vanni, Wed, and probably others that I missed. You all make speedrunning so much more fun, and I don’t think I’d keep going if it weren’t for you guys.

*The Yugioh community at LANslide, for helping me have fun with this game again, and for being people kind of close to me in distance that are both pleasant and actually good at the game.

*The High Tide Smash group, for giving me something to do on Tuesdays and helping me have fun while I remain in SoMD. Extra shoutouts to PPH, MKM, Poppy, Resign, and OKAY for being some of my absolute closest friends down here.

*My mom and my sister; despite the fact that we get in each other’s hair, we still love and look out for each other at every moment.

*My girlfriend, Jenny, who has put up with my frustrations, anger, and emotional baggage for the past almost five years, and still loves and supports me in everything that I do. Hopefully we can have our future soon.


And with that I think I have said everything I needed to say. Thanks to anyone that read this, and I’ll see you all during the rest of 2018.

~Riko