R.G.R.E. A.J.F.F.M. Part III

………………….
>Be Anon
>The sun was pouring like a water-color collage over the early morning sky, tucking what was once an oppressive night to rest
>All the townsfolk were starting to stumble groggily out of their houses
>Mares hurrying to make it to work on-time
>Panicking stallions performing a choreography well-practiced, ushering grumbling fillies and colts off to school
>Twi’s castle let off a reflective sheen in the distance, casting crystal rays across the town’s northern side, (wherein you and the others were currently eating), and almost signaling that a new day, a new start has begun for the pleasant little town
>You lounge back into the diner booth’s cushion, and it’s old-timey red sheen apparently disguises a still comfortable padding underneath
>The diner was named “Specky the Stallion’s All-Equestrian Graze”, and despite the brazenly awkward title, it was a cozy little hammock of 50s-era diner food and décor owned by a loud-mouthed but kind-hearted stallion, who you’ve come to know over time
>You tend to be a regular here, as food was always good after an exhausting night of…
>Being totally not a whore
>This morning could have been just another peaceful sunrise to watch, coffee in hand and fresh food on the plate, but no…
>These mares
>These here mares were causing a ruckus
>Turns out maybe getting them all together so fast wasn’t such a hot idea
>You were all sitting at the far booth, a half-circle from which conversation was being loudly thrown back and forth between two sides
>And of course, you were in the middle
>On your left, Checkered Sapphire, Bon-Bon the ever passive-aggressive, and a quiet mint pony named Lyra were bickering and pointing hooves over at the group of mares on your right, which consisted of Ponk and the Purple Dork
>Twi raised her voice
>”I CAN get the bill, Anon even said I should, since he just knows I’m the true alpha mare.”
>This sparks a rebuttal from Checkered
>”What are you talking about? Just let me pay it!”
>Bon-Bon chimes
>”Yeah I can get it too y’know, Ms. Fancy Princess!”
>She looks over at you, then back at Twi
>”Not like I care or anything, I was just saying!”
>Twi responds
>”Well I must say it would be uncouth for a lower class mare to pay when-“
>Checkered looks legitimately pissed now
>”Lower-class? The buck is that supposed to mean?!”
>Insults begin flying across the table, as heads turn in the restaurant and the mares argue and bicker over who is “the most alpha” of the group
>You hear mumbling
>You look down and-
>Oh right, forgot to mention that
>After her first few bites of toast Glisten had pretty much conked out again
>You noticed when she stopped talking and leaning on your left shoulder, slumping a bit as her body relaxed and succumbed to the exhaustion of being up for over thirty hours
>You had decided it was best to scoop the snoozing mare up and cradle her against your chest so as to make sure she doesn’t wake up in a pile of toast, and Glisten naturally took to using the right side of your chest and shoulder to make a pillow to lay her weary head on
>You were done eating now, and absent mindedly petting and supporting her head, rocking her a little bit whilst you could feel her warm breath on your chest as she snuggled in closer to you
>She was mumbling in her sleep with a big, dumb grin on her face
>It was nice to see her relax
>She drooled a little onto the front of you suit coat, and you affectionately took a napkin and dabbed it off of her chin
>Thankfully she seemed too out cold to be bothered by the surrounding argument, which seemed to be gaining steam
>You knew you had to put a stop to this
“Mares, Ladies!”
>Your voice, scratchy from the coffee and the fact that you hadn’t talked in a while, immediately draws the attention of the group
>You knew you had to come up with something to show them just how unpleasant this whole arguing situation was
>You look around and hope no one hears this but them
“I’ll pay it for now, doesn’t matter if I’m a colt or not. I’m awfully-“
>You sigh
“PEEVED at our current situation.”
>The room goes silent
>A stallion gets up from a nearby table, dragging an open-mouthed filly with him out of the room as he admonishes you
>”You are bucking sick! Using that kind of language with fillies and colts around! You are really bucking sick in the head, I mean really what your father say?!”
>Oops
>The mares all look down at themselves
>Twi musters up the beans to speak first
>”I’m sorry Anon, it’s just… if these mares are really tagging on as herdm-“
>”And we are!”
>”Then I just want to make sure it’s the right crowd for something like this Anon. It’s only because I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
>As Twi finishes Checkered bursts in again
>”Oh minotits you just want to keep him away from us cause you think we’re not good enough for your stuck-up standa-“
>”That’s not it you cad! Maybe if you didn’t let your financial insecurity feed your actual insecurity-“
>Alright, that’s it
“I’m going. Someone pay for it. I just wanted this to be a nice breakfast, and honestly, I don’t even feel like finishing this coffee.”
>You look down at your bitter bean juice and up to Ponk, who winces
>She knows how much you love coffee
>You get up, taking your sleeping cutie with you, and walk with a brisk air out of the diner, quietly tipping the pimple-faced stallion waiter and thanking the owner as you exit
>You hear all the mares grumble behind you, likely arranging things and planning to go their separate ways
>That really could’ve gone better
>Twi and Ponk were butting heads with Bon-Bon and Checkered the whole time, Lyra looked too surprised by your very presence to say a word, and Glisten-
>You feel her lightly kick and whine in her sleep, and snuggle her closer
>At least she didn’t have to see it
>You begin to walk back to A.J.J.F.M., and it isn’t long before you hear clopping hooves scrambling to catch up to you
>Checkered’s beaming face appears in the right-downwards corner of your eye, as she tries to talk and keep up with your long stride
>”Yeah so, about Caramel and that hamster. Boy, what that stallion can do with his-“
>She stopped as she realized you weren’t very pleased
>She let out a sigh, and for once she looked up at you with a face that looked earnestly sorry
>”Look, Non-O, I’m sorry about ruining breakfast. It’s just… Me and Glisten, well, especially Glisten, work super-hard sometimes to keep our little place running. I know it’s kind of a hole in the ground, but we just want to get by, just like everyone else. So.. I don’t know… just seeing her act like we’re less for running a… I don’t know, maybe she really just worried about you.”
“Checkered.”
>”Yeah?”
>You think for a moment, and smile at her
“I know you just wanted to stick up for your sis and all. Lighten up a bit, I’m sure that somehow, we’ll find a way for all of us to let loose and things will be fine.”
>She smiles, putting back on that shit-eating grin you love way too much
>”Or, you can let loose on all of us, if y’know what I’m sayin’.”
“Fuck damn it Checkered. Does your mind ever wander from lewd things?”
>”It doesn’t have to wander anywhere with you and your socks around.”
>Oy, this mare
>You eventually make your way back to A.J.J.F.M., and go to the dainty upstairs apartment that serves as the residence of the Sapphire sisters
>A Spartan living room and kitchenette with a basic attached bath in the center, and a bedroom at both sides of that
>Oh, and a hilariously small excuse for laundry room
>It was run-down, but it worked for what it was
>The bedroom to the left of when one walked in was a mangy, smelly excuse for living quarters, with all manner of items scattered about, an eternally un-made bed, tons of “Back-door Lewds” posters, booze at every turn, and a computer that was always browsing some board on the ponenet
>The bedroom to the right was clean and organized, with a dedicated workstation and a little saxophone in the corner, perfectly adjusted for tiny horse proportions
>You can guess who each room belongs to
>You go in to the clean one and lay Glisten down on her bed, pulling the covers up and tucking the tiny horse in for the day, even going as far as to give her a light kiss on the forehead before putting out the light, closing the curtains, and exiting the room silently
“You gonna be good for the day? I should get back to the castle before Twi comes storming over here.”
>Checkered lets out a yawn before throwing herself down on the dirty relic that is their couch and flipping on the TV
>Some sitcom about an eccentric colt and his herd having all sorts of campy adventures comes on
>She scratches herself in her personal place and lets out a light belch as she turns to you with glassy eyes
>”I’ll be ok. I’m still really sorry about today.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna get heading. Oh, and Checkered-“
>Her head turns away from the TV to you again as you open the door
>You wanted so badly to stay with this mare, to just sit with her till the TV lulls you both to sleep
>Breakfast could’ve gone so well today
“Take care of yourself, OK? Get some rest.”
>”Y-you too.”
>Like before, it was odd to see her talk like that, dropping her usual shtick and sounding-
>Vulnerable
………………………..
>Time passes, and you are still Anon
>Fall is making its presence known, and clouds cast a shadow over the town today, as the leaves fly off the trees and a chilly wind slices through the air
>It’s been an interesting three months
>This new “herd”, which you still didn’t really quite understand 100%, has had its ups and downs
>On the on hand, you can recall all sorts of fine memories, from finding the pone equivalent of Game of Thrones and reading with Twi on sunny afternoons, to pigging out on sweets and going on a Hoersflix binge with Ponk, to awkward practice sessions of various sports, from fencing to timber-wolf wrestling with Bon-Bon, to long, peaceful walks with Lyra, occasionally listening to her serenade you, to long gaming sessions and drinking with Checkered, or even the great snuggle war that happened between you and Glisten
>Or that time you all went to the beach
>You still felt like you had-
>Never mind
>Story for a different time maybe, when one could bear to recall such acts as ambush boops and strip volleyball without visible reaction
>But the problems were indeed there
>Bon-bon, Lyra, and Checkered were always butting heads with Ponk and Twi, and there were always arguments as to who was “suitable”, as it seems not everyone in the herd saw eye to eye
>Twi and Ponk always worried about you, thinking the other mares to be ruffians, and advocated for your safety at all costs, even if that meant taking away some of your free choice
>And Glisten, well…
>She was too busy to get wrapped up in it
>Checkered, Lyra, and Tsundere horse felt that they were unfairly treated by them and that Twi and Ponk thought of themselves as better, and looked down on their group and considered you merely a commodity
>You knew everyone in this situation cared about you, you just wished everyone would get along
>Sometimes, you had to let two mares who were clashing sleep in the bed as you, as they both adorably fought for the blanket and “who gets to sleep where” with you
>Other times, they got into more heated arguments, and you had to break it before the started horse fighting over your honor
>Ugh, these mares
>Back to the moment however, as you were quite busy
>It was a swinging night down at A.J.F.F.M., and the noise of music, depravity, moans, and whistles racketed and your eardrums
>You were currently serving a groups of mares, players of the local hoof-ball team, as they alternated between ordering and telling you some of the most depraved shit you’ve ever heard
>”-yeah, so then, that cheer-leader colt was all like, ‘What are gonna do on the bed, senpai?’, and I was all like; ‘Don’t know what spam-pam-rye means, but this ought to clue you in you dirty slut.’ And then I pulled out the whipped cream and branding iron, and the rest… well, that’s just history.”
>”Woah girl, that’s sick. How far did the rod go up his-“
>”Three and a half inches. I still got the marks and smell on that rod, give it a whiff every now and again to get myself saucy for the next time I do electrical play.”
>”Woah.”
>”-And he was all like ‘but I poop from there.’ And I was all like, ‘not right now you don’t.’”
>The table has assorted “oohs” and “aahs” as they listen to the star player
>Just, ugh
>Degeneracy gone wild
>You take their order, (and politely turn down their offer to “make your dick great again”), and enter the kitchen to see-
>Oh no
“What happened?”
>Glisten had her head in her hooves and was-
>She looked up at you with big tears in her eyes, and immediately tried to wipe them away and clean herself up for you
>Her hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy, and-
“Seriously, what happened?”
>Her snout was bleeding a little
>”Oh, it’s just… Anon! I’m a grown mare I can get that myself!”
“Uh-uh. Just let me help and tell me what is going on.”
>You continue to channel you inner 50s-woman by dabbing the remaining red off her face with a wet cloth
>”It’s just… I’m going to have to shut this place down.”
“What, why?!”
>”I just got a request that NOPONY can handle. It’s impossible but if I turn it down maybe they’ll shut us down since a place like this is only semi-legal- then I was walking back and fell on the floor as I was walking away from them like a dunce-“
“Walking away from who? What’s the request?”
>She holds up an open envelope sealed with a royal crest
>Oh shit
“It was Celly and Moon-ass wasn’t it.”
>She nods slowly
“I had a sneaking suspicion this would happen at some point.”
>Celestia’s insatiable appetite for debauchery and filth was well-known in a connected industry like this, as the ruler’s favorite leisure activity was secretly to partake in whatever horrid lewd acts her mind can concoct
>Behind that bubbly maternal ruler motif she had going for the public was a mare who got what she wanted, regardless of the damage done
>You had heard tales from Glisten about other places where many a stallion had “disappeared” to satisfy the inferno of her desire
>Now you knew why none of the other ‘assistants’ here would want to take this job
>That shit could end up being a death sentence of the crotch
>Or something far worse
“I’ll do it.”
>Her eyes almost explode out of their sockets
>”N-n-n-NO NO NO! I am NOT going to lose you. You only know the SURFACE of the things this mare does. She makes the Black-door Room look like Fillygarten. PLEASE don’t do it. If I lose you, I’ll lose the herd, and t-this place, a-and then I’ll be a f-f-fai-“
>She was starting to cry again
>You shush her and hug her
“Glisten, I’ll make it work. Trust me, ok? How much they paying?”
>”Uh, that’s a weird question, like 20,000 bits why-“
“Doing it. Those bits could go not only to me moving out, but one has to think that a new herd will need a new house together-“
>”You wouldn’t!”
“I’m serious. After all, ‘home is where the herd is.’”
>You point to her favorite tacky sign adorned with that saying nearby
>She smiles and gives you a big hug, letting out a squeal of glee as kisses are unleashed like a missile barrage on your face
>”Yes yesyes yes!”
>Remembering her maresculinity she settles down abruptly
>”Um, but yeah, that’s wonderful.”
“Sounds good then, one night of pain for a life of greatness. How did Checkered take the news?”
>She looks down, and you know you’re not gonna like what you hear
>”Y-yeah, she got really drunk.”
“Ok then. I’ll go take care of her first. I take it she heard the news and went into full despair-mode too. After tonight, and when things quiet down, I’ll sit down with you and we’ll talk over a nice breakfast over the plan in specifics, and maybe make sure this doesn’t further strain the fragile herd. Ok?”
>”O-ok.”
>You quickly move throughout the compound to the apartment upstairs, throwing open the door to see-
>Oh she did not take it well indeed
>”HUzzat? Zat Anawn? I wanna see Nonny. He a gud col’t. On’lee one of you.”
>The poor mare in question was stumbling across the floor, empty bottle in hand
>You looked at the label
>”Deep-throat Swallows.”
>That’s some heavy ass liquor
>You scoop the struggling, disheveled drunk horse up and begin walking towards the kitchen, throwing away the bottle and getting a cup of water
>Checkered was mumbling in your ear the whole time, and you can smell the alcohol in her breath
>”N-Non. Itzzat bitch. Tallot. She probly puked down hiz throat or sum sic shi’t to get ‘em to bulley us otta bizness. No princest never stop ‘ere before. Sunny-D lookin’ butt-butt-face.”
>She kept going on about shit, but you knew she was too drunk to really comprehend anything substantial at the moment
>You get the mare to down some water, and, after waiting a few minutes, you help the mare during her inevitable puking in the toilet
>Afterwards, you put her on the bathroom sink’s counter and start running the water, then proceed to wash her gross and dirty hair
>She stops mumbling comprehensively for a while, but you know she enjoys getting her hair washed in the sink
>You always do this for each other when the drinks get too heavy
>You scrub around a certain area, and accidentally bump your side into her butt a few times
>She moans in pleasure
>Ugh, yeah she’s turning back to normal
>You dry her off and go to lay her in her train-wreck of a bed, tucking her in and all, and when you’re just about to head out she puts a hoof on your arm and opens her eyes all the way, looking at you
>”Non. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Nerd-O like a mature mare tomorrow. See if I can’t get any help for tha’ request.”
“It’s ok. I know you guys have trouble sometimes, but we can get through this. Good night, Checkered.”
>”W-wait!”
>You stop
>”C-can you lay with me? Till I’m asleep?”
>She looks up at you with big eyes and a look of pleading on her face
>This isn’t usually like her, but you know when a mare needs to cuddle
“Ok. No funny stuff though. And no groping.”
>”Oh I’ll grope your… dick.”
“Good one, Checkered. Really moving comedy forward.”
>You smile and snuggle with the mare until she’s fast asleep
……………………
>It is now evening of the next day
>And everything is so wrong
>The herd
>It’s falling apart, and fast
>On top of hearing about the dreaded royal request, Twi apparently heard something terrible, and so did Checkered
>So of course they went at it again
>Bon and Lyra got dragged into it, Glisten didn’t know what to do and freaked out, Ponk ran off crying because she hates seeing the herd fight, especially with how intense this one got…
>This is such bullshit!
>Why can’t they just come together!
>You thought progress was being made…
>You throw a nearby rock into Ponyville’s lake, as you sit on a thankfully unoccupied beach and meditate
>The sky was growing dark, and labyrinthine rays of sun were eking out over the horizon as it rested for the night
>Just what would it take for them all to come together?
>You ponder for a bit more until a pink horse you know too well throws her rump down next to you, but remains reluctant to approach
“It’s ok Ponk. I’m not mad. Just confused, that’s all. What happened today, exactly? I didn’t see the whole thing.”
>She looks up at you, the big blue eyes of hers looking for meaning in yours
>She jumps up, which catches you a little off guard, but she finds a nice way to sit by setting herself on your shoulders, one back leg on each side of your head, and her v-
>Her words interrupt your train of thought as you look up to better hear her
>”Well… I don’t think anyone really knows for sure. For the longest time I thought Twilight and Checky were going to make up, but today it was like everyone was a party pooper. No one wanted to talk to anyone, and I guess Twilight got this idea in her head that Checky is planning on selling you to changelings, and I guess Checky heard the same rumor but with diamond dogs…”
>Wait
>You cut her off from her fast-moving rant
“Wait, they heard the same thing, but slightly different?”
>”Yeah I thought that was weird that they were both mad about similar things-“
“And from whom did these two hear the rumors?”
>”Oh Nonny I have no idea. They both said they got it from a stallion, and while we usually dismiss colt gossip-“
“A stallion huh?”
>”Yeah Nonny, that’s what I said. (GASP) You’re not going deaf are you? Gummy’s recital is like one week from now!”
“No Ponka, I heard you, but I know that if this stallion has brown hair, writes in the fruitiest calligraphy-“
>”Twi said something about the calligraphy, and Checky mentioned the hair…”
>You groan
“I know who it is. Fucking Caramel. Must’ve gotten hold of the news about the royal request and found a new piece of imagined drama to siphon from it.”
>”That kinda makes sense…”
“Yeah, and I imagine it may further motivate Glisten and Checkered to close down the club, seeing as Celly and Luna’s appearance tonight will be an absolute massacre if things go wrong.”
>”WAIT CELESTIA AND LUNA ARE GOING TO BE THERE?!”
“Yeah, where have you been? Didn’t you guys talk about this?”
>She shakes her head
>”Too much infighting.”
“Of course. Look, I know not everyone in the group sees eye-to-eye but this fighting has to stop. I care for everyone in this weird love-group we have going on. You all are like my-“
>It’s hard to say
>You struggle for the word
>Ponka looks down into your eyes again, and smiles
>She knows, and you know too
>She finishes your sentence for you
>”Herd.”
>She bends down for a kiss, to cement this romanticized moment, but slips-
>You catch her, but you both tumble down the small hill in the sand and hit the water’s edge
>Now you’re both wet, and begin to giggle at the turn of events
>She goes to kiss you a second time, but her wet mane gets in the way
>You pull it back for her as her hoovsies struggle at it, and holding her by the barrel, give her the kiss she so badly wanted
>You get up afterwards, and begin to walk toward A.J.F.F.M. after telling Ponk to do her best at getting the herd on the same page for tonight
>As you leave she stops you one more time, knowing how poorly things might go
>”I wuv you.”
“I know.”
>Fuck yes you always wanted to do that
>You head back to A.J.F.F.M. with renewed conviction
………………………………….
>Be the horse of the sun
>Be reclining in your private quarters on an exquisite yakyakistanian couch, enjoying the wretch of a colt tied up before you squirm
“Well done, your last record was fifteen poles in there, now let’s see if we can’t try eighteen.”
>You smile as the stallion whimpers in agony
>Suddenly your door is thrown open, forcing you to throw the stallion between your legs to both hide him from the doorway behind you and shut him up
>Colts
“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KNOCKING?!”
>The male guard, who you totally don’t keep around for his looks, stutters out a response
>”I’m sorry ma’m, I know not to disturb you when you play with your dolls.”
“THERE NOT FUCKING DOLLS THEY”RE ACTION FIGURES AND I DO NOT DO THAT. REEEEEEEEEEE!”
>”(Gulp) Y-yes ma’am. But I must remind you of your appointment at that hidden little A.J.A.S.S. place or whatever is tonight ma’am.”
>Oh yeah it is, whoopsy-daisy
“Oh, of course. Thank you, sugar-bum.”
>The guard shuffles out uncomfortably as you magi-grope him out of the room
>You turn to your current victim as you leave, whom was a terrified mess on the floor
“Maybe later honey-bun. I’ll have one of the guards feed you and all that, I’m sure you could use a rest anyway.”
>You mouth ‘Eighteen’ to him again and he shivers
……………………….
>Be Anon again
>And be ready for anything
>You were suited up in your “Monkey Fever” outfit, your DK tie freshly fixed-up, and well-rested
>You and Glisten were waiting in the lobby of A.J.F.F.M., doting and pacing for the arrival of the Royal sisters
>She was making anxious horse noises and bouncing up and down on the ancient large seat in the lobby, her ‘refined mare’ façade crumbling to pieces
>You just hoped Ponk could assemble the herd in time to make this work, as you are going to need all the help you could get tonight to run this place
>Some stallions, including a certain gossip whom you were too mad at to name, even refused to work tonight
>Bunch of TR-8RS
>C’mon Panko hurry up-
>The front door opens with an ominous lurch, and you know she was too late
>Inwards step none other the Celly and Luna, both wearing outfits of fine silk and…
>Socks
>If you understand pone culture like you think you do, then this was a reason to be on guard
>”Well, hello there, fine citizens. It is good to see my favorite ape alive and well.”
“You too, Sunbutt.”
>”Cheeky, as always. I’ve always found that-“
>Her tongue licks the edges of her mouth in attempt to be predatory, but comes off as rather goofy
>”Tantalizing.”
>Glisten, unable to take the tension, blows through her greeting and introductory speech in 22.5 seconds flat and jumps under the chair curling up beneath it
>You crouch down to see her curled-up underneath it, scared out of wit
>You can take it from here
“Follow me to the back-rooms ladies, we have the two suites reserved for you if you’re ready.”
>Luna puts on a stoic expression and marches behind you wordlessly while Celly’s head gets close to yours as you walk
>”Question is: are YOU ready?”
…………………………….
>You are Anon, and even more time has passed
>And you just can’t satisfy this mare
>”Yes. You have to eat all the eggs.”
>You can’t take much more of this
>Literally everything hurts, there’s a crab pinching your hand, you have ranch all down your back, your nips are getting twisted, and there’s something that she’s doing to your behind that you don’t even have the inner vocabulary to describe-
>OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THERE
>”One pole.”
>Fuck’s sake
>You hope Planting Plot is having an easier time across the hall, and his consequent scream answers your question
>”YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR HOOF LIKE THAT AND CALL YOU A GOOD PONY?! CELESTIA ABOVE YOU ARE BUCKING SICK!”
>”Actually it’s more like Celestia below right now.”
>Oh nice snark Sunb-
“GET YOUR MOUTH OFF THAT!!!”
>You were so ticklish in the toes
…………………….
>Be Glisten Sapphire
>And somepony has to do something!
>Anon is not going to last in there!
>You pace back and forth in the kitchen, the place a respectable colt really should be, whilst you agonize over what to do
>You are interrupted from your pacing and magic banana-peeling, (it’s a hard habit to break ok?) to see your herd enter the kitchen one by one
>What’s going on?
>Oh no
>They’re gonna fight again!
>Pinkie, the jubilant jumping mare, finally speaks up as to the purpose of this meeting in the midst of grumblings between the participants, particularly those of Checkered, who is having to leave her hay-men special cooking
>”It’s time for us to all get along and be fri-!”
>Checkered immediately breaks in
>”Oh no, fuck all that shit. I’m not gonna sit around in ‘therapy’ while I need to cook for the royals and EVERYPONY ELSE here.”
>Twi retorts sarcastically
>”Oh yes, I wouldn’t want to keep you from your fine cuisine, chef-perfecte, maybe we should let the hayburger-flipper leave.”
“Hey!”
>”Says the bitch with a crystal stick up her ass. For being the princess of friendship, you’re really not willing to give anypony a chance are you?”
>Bon-bon jumps in
>”Yeah Checky has a point, need I remind you of what happened with Trixie? Or are you too good for us? Too good for Anon too? Not like I care about him or anything…”
>The kitchen falls into disarray as arguments blossom like a flower on steroids and cocaine as all the mares honk and neigh in anger
>THIS IS SUCH A DISASTER!
>IT’S OVER IT ALL RETURNS TO NOTHING-
>”STOP!”
>BOOM
>CANNON SHOTS FIRED
>Wow you forgot how loud Pinkie could get
>The ringing in your ears subsides as you finally make out what she’s saying
>”-just look at all of us! Acting like fillies bickering over who the coolest WWEques wrestler is! Just think about what you’re doing! At the end of the day, what are WE?!”
>No one with a sane mind dares interrupt the pink mare as she hops on top of the cutting table dramatically
>” A HERD. That’s what’s important. We’re here because one day we all want to live together, get some monkey meat, and LOVE one another. Everyday colts and mares alike walk all about this town, falling in love and making foals. Some love, some lose, but all share one common thing, one common thread that keeps them together. They KNOW they’ll do ANYTHING for each other. They would treat each herd member, regardless of who the ‘alpha mare’ is, with love and respect and the need to work together. I don’t know what we have now, but I know this isn’t a herd. And if given the choice, I’ll make a point to say this: I’d rather herd with you all. I know we can do it. We have to come together and say: this is OUR stallion, mare, and if you have a problem with that you have go through ALL of us. Anon needs us right now. We need each other to get him through tonight, or there might be an Anon afterwards. So I ask you now… do you live without glee, or die herd?”
>Wow
>You weren’t sure if that was cringy or well-spoken, but the point was made
>Everyone knew Pink had poured her heart into this herd
>It was time all of us did
>Twilight shattered the silence
>”I’m sorry, I’ve been such a foal about this. I’m sorry to you fillies for thinking that because you all are in a rough situation; you must be rough mares. I just wanted to protect Anon.”
>Lyra chimed in next
>”Yeah, we’re sorry for thinking that because you were more well-off and famous, that you didn’t have your struggles either, and that you weren’t just taking Anon as a trophy horse-bando. We just didn’t want to see him used. He’s like, the ONLY Hoo-man.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been ducking out of the herd so much. I never supported anyone else here and instead of realizing that we’re all on the same team, I tried to take on everything by myself.”
>Checkered is next
>”Sorry ‘bout being a fuck. Let’s git sum fuk.”
>That was adequate
>Pinkie said:
>”Sorry about not stepping up and supporting a friend in need, especially when they’re in a position where that help is needed.”
>”Yeah, I’m sorry too, not that I care about any of you idiots or that bastard Anon-“
>Everyone glares at Bon-Bon
>”Uh, I mean… PLEASE DON’T KICK ME OUT I LOVE YOU ALL AND ANON AND CAN’T SAY IT IT’S MY PERSONAL HELL I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED THIS!”
>’Fucking shit ok chill out’ was the resounding reply
>Pinkie put a hoof in the center of you all, and her eyes gleamed with pride as she spoke
>”All in girls?”
>One by one every one stuck a hoof in
>”I’m in!”
“Me too!”
>”In it for the hands!”
>”[BELCH]”
>”I-I’m in… bakas.”
>”Let’s rock!”
>You guys cheered and broke it out
“What’s the plan?”
…………………………….
>You are Anon
>And this might be the end for you
>You’ve gone through so much shit right now, your vision has black around the edges, you can barely make a few sounds, and your body is almost in shock from the pain
>You hear two horses chattering, and one leaves
>Your restraints are abruptly released and you crumple in a heap to the floor, falling into a puddle of fluid that you hope to Kek that it is not what you think it is
>Someone helps support you up to the wall, and sits you with your back supported by it
>Purple horse comes into focus
“T-Twi?”
>”We’re going to get you through this, you just have to trust us my prince.”
“You a-are s-such a-“
>She leans in closer
“D-Dork.”
>You pass out
………………………
>You are Glisten again, and several minutes have gone by
>And things seem to be going alright
>The plan was working
>You were keeping the club and Princesses running and occupied, promising them a “special show” on stage for their time
>Pinkie was making a tidal wave of cakes, of which 20 an hour was consumed by Celestia while Luna daintily bit at or two cupcakes over the course of said hour
>Lyra was directing the musicians in a swinging new piece she called, “The Monkey Jazz Nut Grab”
>Bon-Bon was running security and evacuating some of the more weak-stomached stallions
>Twilight was both checking in with the Royals and casting spells to keep the operation going
>And Checkered…
>Well, she was performing with your premier ‘assistant’ Anon on stage, performing acts you never wanted to see on stage, often adhering to the Princesses’ requests at least partly, though she had to turn down some of the extreme stuff
>Don’t ask why she wanted butter all over Anon or why she knew you guys had a ‘Fun-time’ (or torture) chair in the back room, it’s better not to know
>You just hoped it was enough to satiate them
>The performance is finally wrapping as Anon, your darling, was now in colt hysterics over the ordeal going on, as he was being smacked across the face with a fish by Checkered
>”OW WHAT THE FUCK SALMON ACTUALLY FUCKING HURTS?! HOW THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN REMOTELY AROUSING, WHAT ARE YOU? ROLF?!”
>Poor colt was probably totally hysterical by now, you had no idea what he was on about
>Oh dear, don’t worry, it’ll be over soon
>Cuddles are on the way
>The performance finally ends to a breakout applause, and you let out a sigh of relief
>Everything is going to be fine no-
>No
>Celestia stood up with an imperious air, and had just denounced the show as “too tame” for her, and thus must take Anon back to her castle as compensation!
“You can’t do this to us!”
>”Can I?”
>She smiles a wicked grin
>”I’ve been keeping an eye on all of you throughout the night, and have noticed the dynamics of a herd going on here. That’s interesting. I quite like interesting things. Anon is one of those rare play-things that attracts mares of a peculiar sort. Therefore, how about a contest- to see if you mares really are material for a herd?”
>Twilight stutters nervously
>”What kind of contest?”
>Celestia shows her pearly teeth in a smile that would frighten even the toughest mare down to their flank
>”A duel. Of a most refined kind.”
……………………
>Be Anon
>And be wondering what the fuck is going on
>Nobody is walking on the floor and doing the dinosaur here, that’s for fucking sure
>Instead, you’re being unstrapped from the Chair of 100 Indignities by Checkered, while downstage, some sort of tussle seems to be going on between your mares and Celestia
>Luna didn’t seem to be participating, instead opting to watch while munching on buttery bits of popcorn
>She sees you looking at her and waves gleefully, almost spilling her popcorn
>You awkwardly half-wave back
>”There that should do it. I’m getting you out of here, colt.”
>Checkered had just finished taking off the restraints, and you stand up and stretch your aching body
>”No don’t stand! Your coltish physique can’t take mo’ of that! I’ll get ya!”
>Checkered then proceeded to try and lift you up from your bottom legs and bridal carry you, but just struggled to even move your leg, heaving and puffing trying to lift your much larger body up
>She was getting blue in the face from trying, but to no avail
>Knowing that it was your time to shine and stop this ordeal with the Princess, you quickly scoop Checkered up and carry her like a sack of potatoes, as she pounds her hooves ineffectually on your back
>”BUT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII”M SUPPOSED TO BE THE MARELY HEEEEEERO!”
“Not today filly.”
>You deposit the fussy mare in the back of the kitchen, and give her a light kiss on the cheek
“I’m off to help them out. They don’t stand a chance against her power. But I need you to do something.”
>”What?”
“Stay here and stop making that pouty face.”
>You shut and lock her in the kitchen as she bangs on the door and yells at you
>”You’ve got a death fetish-“
“Wish, you’ve got a death wish is the saying.”
>”Buck you! Let me out!”
>You blitzkrieg back to the stage to find several defeated mares and Cel standing over them, magically holding a-
>Dong-sword
>A huge one
>You really wish you were making this shit up
>It was literally like a giant dongle, complete with a hilt and hand guard
>It glowed a cheap-LED red
>What the actual fuck have you gotten yourself into?
>”Ah Anon, I was just coming to get you. It seems your mares haven’t mastered this ancient art, which was once so prized to our-“
“You’re making that shit up aren’t you? You just wanted to sword-fight with a dongle, didn’t you?”
>She grins just a wee bit
>”Clever colt.”
“Put it down. I stick with my mares. Regardless of what happens.”
>You hear an AW come from Luna in the back
>”Then prove it. I, of the royal blood, controller of the sun, sovereign of nations, will take you by force if need be colt.”
>She flips her dong-sword a bit in anticipation, as you pry one nearby from Lyra’s hooves, jokingly asking on the way:
“This yours?”
>”It was on sale with the human fin-gur simulator.”
>Gross you did not actually need to know that
>You hit the flimsy plastic switch on your newly acquired dong-blade, and it glows a knock-off blue color
>Let’s do this
>The duel is intense, and you channel all your training from Bon-Bon in fencing to survive
>Cel is constantly on the attack, using her burly horse physique and magical prowess to attack you at angles that force retreat and deliver high-power strikes
>You zig and zag across stage, and follow her flurries of slices to the best of your ability, trying to get in a strike of your own where you can
>Up down up left right right diagonal up swipe le-
>You almost get hip by the tip as you dodge out of the way
>That was close
>She eventually pins you against a box, and you appear finished as you use all your strength to keep the locked swords from touching you in their grossness
>She presses down hard on it, and you push back with all your might
>Out of the corner of your eye you see Glisten say something incomprehensible, and throw a stage prop to you
>You stick your hand out and barely catch it, and look over to see it’s a-
>Ring, of some kind
>It’ll work though
>You smack Cel upside the head with the ring, and press your own maelstrom of attacks, which she cannot defend against
>After several hits, she goes down on the floor below, her belly side facing you and twitching
>You’ve won
>You’ve saved-
>”NYESSSSSSSSSS!”
>Splat
>Fucking ew-MUST SHOWER NOW
…………………
>You are Anon, and you feel better having washed-
>THAT
>Off of you
>Everything afterwards went well, thankfully
>The sisters retreated, with you getting a note from a not-so-secret admirer about them joining the herd as well
>Seriously, what are you gonna do with so many mares?!
>For the moment, however, you and the others were sitting out on the porch, watching the sun come up and simply appreciating each other’s company
>Twi was talking at the moment
>”You know, if staying someplace was an issue, you Sapphires could’ve stayed with me at the castle.”
>”Or me!”
>”Or us!”
>Checkered speaks too
>”Or even me!”
>Glisten responds
>”Checkered, we live together. In the same building.”
>”Oh right yeah. Just wanted to be one of the cool fillies.”
>Silly horse
“You know, if it’s anything to mention. A new house has been vacated. It’s old place on the edge of town, near the acres.”
>”Really?!”
“Yeah, was thinking of checking it out. You all want to come?-“
>”YES!”
“TO THE HOUSE, CHECKERED, I MEAN COME TO THE HOUSE. I figure it’d be something to consider… living together… if we want to make this work.”
>Everyone agrees to go with you, and you all set off towards the rising sun to take a look at it
>Lyra follows right behind you, Ponk leaps about in joy, Twi pesters you about the house, Bon-Bon follows at a close-but-not-too-close distance, Checkered lazily drifts next to you, while Glisten-
>You look down to see her patting at your leg with your hooves, eyes wide
>You scoop the exhausted mare up and bridal-carry her
>That’s better
>You all set off on your way as Checkered mentions:
>”First thing I’m doing is checking out the bedrooms and beds. That’s important stuff.”
“Yeah. But wait, what are we gonna do on the bed?”
>The mares all laugh
>Seriously what the hell do they want to do on the bed?
………………….