Fatanon 5

>The sun is on its way past the horizon by the time you meet Dash at the bar.
>She looks super excited when she sees you, "Heya Big Guy!"
"Hey Dash. So... we gonna do this?"
>She grins, "Oh yeah. Follow me."
>Some ponies give you strange looks when you walk into the bar, but most of the town has already seen you and knows what you are, so there's not too many.
>The place is set up a lot like bars back home, except the tables and stools are much shorter.
>Dash is wise enough to lead you to a table.
>Your fat fucking ass would probably break a pony stool.
>You both sit across from each other, and you start to get yourself into the mental state required to become shitfaced.
"So what do we got?"
>Dash just grins at you.
>Next thing you know she's ordered for both of you and there's a few bottles of... something in front of you, along with a ton of shot glasses.
>You squint to get a good look at the labels.
>'Applejack Daniels'
>What the fuck?
>Words cannot describe how mindfucked you are right now.
"What kind of pun is that?"
>"What?"
"Nothing."
>"Whatever. Alright, Big Guy. You ready to get this party started?"
"Just to let you know; it's extremely difficult to outdrink a fatass like me."
>"Is that a challenge Anon?"
"Not a challenge, a promise."
>itbegins.jpg
>Whatever this shit is it's delicious. When alcohol is delicious it's dangerous, because you can drink it a lot faster and in larger quantities.
>You line up shots and start downing them like your alcoholic uncle.
>That's not funny. Why would you bring that up? He really hurt your family.
>Fuck your uncle.

>How many shots have you taken?

>Were there always two Dashes?

>Why did the clock on the wall say it had been an hour?

>Did Celestia set the sun already?

>"I'M SORRY BIG GUY!"
>Why is she shouting?
"Whut furgh?"
>Oh God what the fuck was that?
>Why won't your words work?
>Dash leaps across the table and plants her hooves on your shoulders.
>"I know..." she stops and looks thoughtful for a long moment, "I know what ish liek Anon. Loshing ppl shucksh. Twi tried reeeaaaal hard ta get you home, y'know. We're super worried 'bout you right now."
>You feel good, and not just because of the spirits. You feel good because you have friends, and while you may not know them that well being stuck in Equestria is bound to rectify that.
>And Dash?
>Dash is the best.
>She's obviously bro material.
>You go to say thanks...
"Thenbhrf."
>wut?

>Day 15 in Equestria
>Twilight levitates the pen in front of the small paper and smiles up at you.
>You're standing in the middle of her library shirtless.
>No, not like that you fucking perverts.
>You're not desperate enough to go for pony booty...
>yet.
>"You can put your shirt back on now."
>You bend down and pick up the white shirt that Rarity kindly made to fit you. You think she used the model of a whale to get the size right, considering she never took measurements from you.
>Twilight continues in a scientific manner, "It seems you've been progressing along the predicted rate, which is good. At first I wasn't confident I could chart an accurate weight lose, because I don't know much about humans, but I was pretty spot on."
"Twi, as happy as I am that I'm your number one lab rat, I'd rather just hear the results."
>She blushes.
>Is it wrong to think that's cute?
>"Right, um... you've lost about five pounds."
>Five pounds in twelve days, not bad.
>Lately your appetite has been... rectified.
>Three meals a day, and plenty of protein wherever you could get it.
>Fluttershy would drop by with weekly supplies of fish for you, which you were grateful for.
>But God damn what you wouldn't give for a nice juicy steak, or maybe a chicken sandwich.
>You remember Twilight mentioning something about griffons eating meat.
"Hey Twi, how do I put in for vacation time as your assistant?"
>"Hmm? I didn't expect you to ask so soon. Where are you planning on going?"
"Griffon country."
>She tilts her head at you, then her eyes widen in realization.
>"Oh... OH! No you don't need to go THAT far. Princess Celestia and I are already working on that for you."
"I've noticed that cows are sentient here, so I suppose asking for that would be too much. I guess chicken wouldn't be much of a stretch, though."
>"Not at all. Consider it thanks for giving me the opportunity to study your biology."
"That sounds dirty."
>This makes her giggle.
>Dat laugh.
---------
>You've come to enjoy your morning runs with Dash.
>You're starting to feel a lot better overall, actually.
>When you wake up you don't feel like complete shit, and you don't feel like you need to catch your breath after walking five feet.
>That, and hanging out with Dash has become something of a regular thing for you.
>Thinking about home always brings you down. You miss your family and friends, but you know the only thing you can do is try to build a new life here.
>In a land of crazy ass technicolor ponies.

>As you and Dash are walking back from the usual morning run you can't help but notice that she's being kind of quiet.
"You okay bro?"
>It almost seems like an eternity before she replies.
>"Huh? Uh... yeah, totally fine!"
>You don't buy it.
"Alright, what's on your mind?"
>She sighs, "It's this filly I know. Her name is Scootaloo, and she's having a hard time at school."
"Oh?"
>"Yeah, there's this other girl that won't leave her alone. Normally it's not that big of a deal but it's been pretty bad lately."
"Was there something that made it escalate?"
>"Only thing I can think of is a small incident that happened a while back with the school newspaper. Honestly, it's that dumbass stallion's fault for spoiling his daughter like that."
"The bully's father?"
>"None other. I'm just worried about Scoots cuz... she's living with her grandparents now. She lost her parents a while back."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
>"I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'm AWESOME at flying, nop0ny can beat me at that, but kids? Scootaloo would never admit that anything was getting her down."
>You let out a laugh.
"That sounds eerily familiar."
>She rewards you with a slug in the thigh for being a smartass.
"Ow. Seriously though, maybe you should just talk to the teacher. It's not gonna stop if nobody does anything."
>"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."
"Yeah... I kind of am."
>Dash smiles, "Be ready, tomorrow I drink your ass under the table."
"Keep dreaming, Skittles."
>"Skittles?"
"It's a... you know what? Never mind."
>"No, now you GOTTA tell me!"