tvyuvyvy

1
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To live a life free of sin,
it is not enough to follow the rules.

2
00:00:12,270 --> 00:00:16,640
The moral and just answers to life's
difficult questions lie within you.

3
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:20,549
And you'll find ways to ignore them, to
twist them, to serve your selfish desires

4
00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:24,519
but deep down you
know what is correct.

5
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JAMES 4:17, "If you do not do what
you know is right, you have sinned."

6
00:00:40,050 --> 00:00:48,050
Subtitles by ViSHAL
akumenang.com

7
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,119
You do realize
your venue has a past.

8
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,419
Everything has a past.

9
00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:02,389
No, I mean like a past.

10
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:06,560
Like little did they know,
200 years ago...

11
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,660
In a relationship? Alexis?

12
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Oh shit, sorry,

13
00:01:12,230 --> 00:01:13,870
I didn't realize
you'd get a notification.

14
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,239
I didn't mean to
upstage your wedding, Mia.

15
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,240
Are you kidding?

16
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,509
Gore, like that post.

17
00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:19,570
Who's the guy?

18
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,240
Totally stalking him.

19
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,140
Hello, Danny Ralston.

20
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,150
Cute.

21
00:01:40,130 --> 00:01:41,829
You guys are hilarious.

22
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Gore, are you going to
post anything funny for me?

23
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,170
I'm really happy for you.

24
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:51,539
Sorry, was that super dramatic?

25
00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:53,739
Sometimes I forget how
to interact with real people.

26
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,439
#momproblems.

27
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,179
More like #everyoneproblems.

28
00:01:58,180 --> 00:01:59,580
Totally posting that.

29
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Oh shit,
it's grapefruit time, Gore.

30
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Grapefruit time?

31
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It's for the
Bride Boheme Cleanse.

32
00:02:17,730 --> 00:02:20,399
Mmm, it was on
the man of honor checklist.

33
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I must have missed that email.

34
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There were a lot of emails.

35
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Man of honor fail.

36
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,510
Was that it?

37
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,210
Okay, you're not navigating.

38
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Sorry,
I was posting a humorous comment

39
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on Alexis's profile for you.

40
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,620
Oh, okay, right, you're using
the OkCupid app to do that.

41
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,790
- Okay sorry, I went on like four dates yesterday and...
- Four?

42
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,799
Yeah,
it's like sending out resumes.

43
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And no one's gotten back to me.

44
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It's just very surprising.

45
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Camp Pocumtuck.

46
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It was a steal on Airbnb
and we're their first wedding.

47
00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:11,449
You booked a
summer camp on Airbnb?

48
00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:13,750
You can book anything on Airbnb.

49
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,289
"Electronic devices
will not be tolerated."

50
00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,690
Is this place Amish?

51
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,399
I think it's so
the kids can experience nature.

52
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,899
"Inter-camper liaisons
will not be tolerated."

53
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Stupid.

54
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"Gum chewing, gambling,
and public nudity

55
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will not be tolerated."

56
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Interesting assortment.

57
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"Drugs and alcohol
will not be tolerated."

58
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:40,879
Sorry, Camp Putuck, I didn't pump three-days'
worth of breast milk to stay sober.

59
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:45,649
Well, I for one am gonna have
a serious inter-camper liaison.

60
00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:47,989
- Oh yeah.
- With Dalvaro.

61
00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:50,359
And I expect all of
your electronic devices

62
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to be posting up a
storm to #MiaCampWedding.

63
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,769
Should I add #whatadivadoes?

64
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:06,439
Oh no, that's just my personal
one. It's for my opera posts.

65
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,309
Are we finally going to get to
hear you sing at the talent show?

66
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:12,910
Uhm, I haven't worked with
my voice teacher for a while.

67
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,919
Oh, I forgot to
mention that the service

68
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,880
is really kind of sketchy
so posts and texts will work

69
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,020
but phone calls
really won't work.

70
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:22,920
Text Scott.

71
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,959
Can't do
Jefferson bedtime story.

72
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,960
Wasn't informed there
was no service, ellipses.

73
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,630
It was in
the bridal party email.

74
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:50,380
Oh.

75
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:51,950
Please delete that.

76
00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:55,319
I can't. It's a Polaroid.

77
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,060
Then just burn it and
you won't owe me for the cab.

78
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,860
Oh man.

79
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:07,299
Mia's Kickstarter video
was badass but it's better IRL.

80
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:09,700
You should pay for
your wedding yourself.

81
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,039
But it's the
crowdfunding that made it

82
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,470
a Bride Boheme Special Feature.

83
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,540
Mia really nailed
the cross-promotion.

84
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:19,579
Wow,
this Mia sounds pretty amazing.

85
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:24,049
- Whoa, you haven't met Mia?
- Nope.

86
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But I thought you were
the groom's best friend.

87
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:26,890
Mmm hmm.

88
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,790
Oh shit they're coming!
I got to hide.

89
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,460
- Here first hold my gum.
- Oh.

90
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:36,930
Okay.

91
00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:43,670
Oh, oh my gosh.

92
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:49,340
It's so dilapidated. I love it.

93
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,579
Okay, so we have a
few wedding prep things

94
00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:54,110
and then we can enjoy
the outdoorsy bachelorette fun.

95
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,019
Oh sorry we couldn't do a girls' night
in the city, honey. Our schedules just...

96
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,919
It's okay. This is going
to be way better, you guys.

97
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:03,059
I didn't want one of those
obnoxious bachelorette parties.

98
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,730
Oh let the
bachelorette-palooza begin.

99
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,100
And hi!

100
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,599
Oh, Eileen, my friend from...

101
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,030
- Community Theater, yeah.
- Community Theater.

102
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,739
- You took forever.
- Oh.

103
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,500
- Oh!
- Oh, thank you so much for including me.

104
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:20,070
Oh, thank you for
coming all this way.

105
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Hi.

106
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,080
Hi.

107
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:31,520
Paulette,
it's really nice to meet you.

108
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Man of honor.

109
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Oh, you know who I am.

110
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- Yeah.
- I, okay.

111
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And this one's for you.

112
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Thank you.

113
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And the biggest
and the brightest.

114
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Let's get this party started.

115
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,700
I've got your favorite,
Bloody Eight fixings.

116
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,979
- And penis straws.
- Oh my gosh, that sounds really great.

117
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I was just thinking that we were
gonna get some lunch.

118
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And then we have a
brief production meeting

119
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,719
in, you know, 20 minutes.

120
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,190
So, um maybe later.

121
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,690
Babe, your... I bet.

122
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All right, smile, you guys.

123
00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:26,909
It's my first #MiaCampWedding.

124
00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:31,879
- Okay, so good. All right.
- Some info, this is yours.

125
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Here you are.

126
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:35,879
Here you go.

127
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Take this one, Gore.

128
00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:38,989
Alrighty, so I think

129
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everybody's almost done lunch.

130
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,159
Well, I'm sorry,
I know you said everything

131
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,889
would be gluten free,
but since you don't have

132
00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:48,929
a gluten-free kitchen, I
didn't want to take any chances.

133
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All this is supposed
to be accomplished today?

134
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:53,599
No, no, just the Friday to do.

135
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,169
Yeah, I'm referring to the Friday to do.
It's really not that much.

136
00:07:57,170 --> 00:08:01,070
I mean, we just have to get the
playhouse ready for the talent show.

137
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,640
And then we need to get
the cabins done for the guests.

138
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,479
Not going to take that long.
And then we're gonna come back here,

139
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,519
we're gonna arrange some
tables, throw up some lights,

140
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,580
and we're going
to have so much fun.

141
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:13,819
Oh, I almost forgot,
we have butterfly nets

142
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:16,920
so like if you happen to be
prepping and you find a butterfly,

143
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'cause we're going to have
a butterfly release.

144
00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:21,599
Oh my God.

145
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:26,630
- Let's do this!
- I get it.

146
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,270
It's a plantation
wedding really.

147
00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:32,709
Guys, this is how weddings work.

148
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:35,939
I mean, we didn't have to throw her
a shower or a bachelorette party.

149
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,940
And she let us pick out
whatever dress we wanted.

150
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,949
Hmm, as long as it was pink.

151
00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:43,180
Hey, you know she would
be just as ridiculous

152
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,019
- about helping us with our weddings.
- We eloped.

153
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:48,019
I mean, let's just suck it up

154
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:50,160
and help make
her dream come true.

155
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:02,199
Nice pic on Facebook.

156
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,840
I did not approve this vacation.

157
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,709
- Hey, how's it coming?
- Hey.

158
00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:10,209
Great.

159
00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:12,979
Okay, so are all
the other cabins done?

160
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:14,579
Did you split
them up with Paulette?

161
00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:17,980
No. I was just getting
this one wrapped up

162
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,950
and then I was going to go over
to the next one and get going.

163
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,620
- So, none of the other cabins are done.
- No.

164
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,759
Okay, where is Paulette?

165
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,090
I don't know.

166
00:09:49,180 --> 00:09:52,950
"Meet me tonight in
the clearing across the lake."

167
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,989
I want you to be my first kiss.

168
00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,320
"Chuck."

169
00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:12,210
We need to talk. Meet by the camp
entrance tonight after bedtime.

170
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,709
Oh my God!

171
00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:47,110
You have to see this.

172
00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:51,409
Yeah, what happened
to the chair rental?

173
00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:53,279
This camp was intense.

174
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,079
Yeah, that's crazy.

175
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:59,319
Can you clear the stage
and cover whatever that is?

176
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,989
And you can figure out the whole
lighting, sound situation, right?

177
00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:03,860
Sure.

178
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:04,860
All right, okay.

179
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,660
Oh, so it's time for canoeing?

180
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,800
Yeah,
just come whenever you're done.

181
00:11:19,370 --> 00:11:21,739
I'm so hungry for you.

182
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:24,279
Jefferson's only
allergic to hazelnuts, right?

183
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,949
Fuck, sorry.

184
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:30,449
- No, my fault. Nothing broke?
- No, we're good.

185
00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:32,349
Get over here.

186
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,250
We only have the weekend
before my girlfriend

187
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,859
gets back from that wedding.

188
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:39,259
Fuck!

189
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:42,129
Sorry, just got a weird text message.
I'm just gonna have to find service.

190
00:11:42,130 --> 00:11:43,799
Okay, but if you see
any pretty wildflowers,

191
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,120
can you bring them
and then you...

192
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,300
Dom.

193
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:53,310
Dom.

194
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,339
13.

195
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,840
Oh hey, oh it was 14.

196
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,710
How are the cabins going?

197
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,019
Yeah, actually I'm all done.
We going to canoe?

198
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:05,919
Yeah. So maybe you could
help Eileen with her cabin

199
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:06,920
'cause she's falling behind.

200
00:12:06,921 --> 00:12:08,389
Okay, and you're going to...

201
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:12,060
I got to do high
intensity interval training

202
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,960
every three hours
to reduce water weight

203
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,800
and flush my skin.

204
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,440
Paulette?

205
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,849
Text Scott.

206
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:40,950
Walnuts, exclamation point.

207
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,089
Is Jefferson all right,
question mark.

208
00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,530
Fucking text me back, period.

209
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:50,430
Call Scott.

210
00:13:23,230 --> 00:13:24,330
We'll catch up tomorrow.

211
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,430
- Are you sure your text went through?
- Yeah, I am.

212
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,969
Are you sure nobody's
seen Flynn since before dinner?

213
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:33,310
Maybe she's looking
for a gluten-free kitchen.

214
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:37,179
You guys, she gets really sick.

215
00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:39,409
That's why I got
gluten-free everything.

216
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:42,080
Wait,
these are gluten-free s'mores?

217
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:45,219
Oh, Jesus!

218
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:46,419
Oh thank God.

219
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:49,159
I need to use the van to get
somewhere with service, okay?

220
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,889
Scott has Jefferson's
nut allergies confused.

221
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:53,059
Is he okay?

222
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:54,290
Scott's not getting back to me

223
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,299
and I'm supposed
to call him at bedtime

224
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:59,270
and I've never
been away from him.

225
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,199
I'm just the
only designated driver

226
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,600
and I just got Lasik so I'm
not allowed to drive at night

227
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:08,470
for like a month and,
but if you need to make a call...

228
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,079
You got Lasik?

229
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,009
Yeah. Dalvero got it
for me as a surprise

230
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,310
so I can go
water skiing in Cancun.

231
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,379
Oh.

232
00:14:16,380 --> 00:14:18,619
You could walk to Bufflehorn.

233
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:23,089
It's just 7.8 miles.

234
00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:24,220
Fuck it.

235
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,430
It's your weekend.

236
00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,499
He'll be fine.
I just need to trust.

237
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,629
Are you going to be okay?
Did you get dinner?

238
00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:33,930
I had some flax chips.

239
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,870
Oh my God, you must be starving.

240
00:14:37,470 --> 00:14:39,610
The s'mores are gluten-free.

241
00:14:39,940 --> 00:14:41,139
Yeah, they're
right out of the package.

242
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:43,980
They weren't in my kitchen,
just here.

243
00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,880
Take mine. It's not part of
the Bride Boheme Cleanse.

244
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,949
Now that we're all here,

245
00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:55,190
maybe a little sneak
peak into the talent show?

246
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:13,270
Summer 1985, Camp Pocumtuck.

247
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,109
A picture of youthful innocence

248
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:19,980
until it is deflowered by death!

249
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,680
Wait, are you part
of the talent show?

250
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,389
Yeah.

251
00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:28,289
Ghost story, summer camp.

252
00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:30,389
- Too tropey?
- Yeah.

253
00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:32,959
But it's true.
I did the research.

254
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,460
As did I. It was
a social experiment gone awry.

255
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:38,129
That's pretty obvious.

256
00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:40,399
But did you know
that the girl drowned

257
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,299
because she was
struck by lightning?

258
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:44,300
Odd.

259
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,609
Wait, what are they
talking about?

260
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,970
There was just
some unrest in the '80s.

261
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,679
A camper drowned,
it was an accident.

262
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,549
And honestly,
in the history of a camp,

263
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,710
one death, it's kind of amazing.

264
00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:58,620
This is also the
location of an Indian massacre.

265
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,420
And there were some
witch trials up the road.

266
00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:07,960
Nothing Salem level
but some girls got immolated.

267
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,700
Wait, is someone else
doing horror spoken word?

268
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,970
No, they're not
but I think maybe

269
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,069
you should try something
else a little less maudlin.

270
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,670
Like what did
you decide to sing?

271
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,210
"Battle Hymn of the Republic."

272
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:27,049
What, you said it
had to be rights free

273
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,049
because of Bride Boheme
taking video

274
00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:31,649
but it's difficult to
find public domain songs

275
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:34,450
and have time to rehearse
when you're a mom, okay?

276
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:40,060
And I just sang it
for Jefferson's 1776 party.

277
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,630
Why don't you guys
sing that together?

278
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,639
Are these handmade marshmallows?

279
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,539
Yeah, they're from that
great little place in my hood.

280
00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:57,779
All marshmallows
are gluten-free.

281
00:16:57,780 --> 00:17:00,310
- I checked.
- No!

282
00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:03,519
All mass-produced ones are
but some of the handmade ones

283
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,350
use flour in the process.

284
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:11,220
Oh my God!

285
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,329
- Oh my God!
- What the fuck is that?

286
00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:14,390
Vodka.

287
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,629
Wheat or potato-based?

288
00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:18,700
Cheap.

289
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,640
It's okay.

290
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,770
I'll know in a couple of hours.

291
00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:31,509
- Another one.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

292
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,180
No green piles still?

293
00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:36,549
- Flynn!
- Oh shit, my tolerance is gone.

294
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:39,549
Guys, help me drink all this
gluten-free beer so it's a fair fight.

295
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:40,650
Oh, got enough of this.

296
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:41,789
Bride Boheme Cleanse.

297
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:43,259
I'm okay.

298
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,489
You're refusing alcohol?

299
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:45,490
Are you pregnant?

300
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,799
- Flick fly.
- Oh, fuck!

301
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,229
Ah ha ha ha ha.

302
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:54,300
Should we see if Eileen
and Paulette want to play?

303
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,200
Can we discuss
Eileen and Paulette?

304
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,600
Yeah. I know Paulette's.

305
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:01,370
Dalvero's weird
college friend but Eileen.

306
00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:05,280
I accidentally invited Eileen.

307
00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:13,319
Not going to sugarcoat this.

308
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,320
You're fired.

309
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:21,330
Her email address is
akumenang.com

310
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:24,599
so autocorrect
thinking I typed in Flynn's name

311
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:29,670
and now she thinks
she's a bridesmaid so, yeah.

312
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,149
Can you be more specific

313
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:43,120
than camp entrance
and after bedtime?

314
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,599
Shit, fuck, whore.

315
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,269
Oh, fuck I miss swearing.

316
00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:01,530
Are you guys
getting baby pressure yet?

317
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,269
Yeah, ever since
we announced the date.

318
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,369
Fuckety fuck fuck!

319
00:19:05,370 --> 00:19:07,439
But, you know, it's just
for the taxes in other words.

320
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,909
Everything changes.

321
00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:11,279
Shit!

322
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,349
It's like a mortgage.

323
00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:14,180
You sure he's a safe investment?

324
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,449
Yeah,
what does that mean, Alexis?

325
00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:18,680
- Blitz.
- Mother of God, shit, whore!

326
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,150
Fuck you.

327
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:24,860
I...

328
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,300
I got to take five.

329
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:44,740
Wow, you just let
her have that fantasy?

330
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:48,579
She thought you two were
having a fren-a-ssance.

331
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:51,350
Should have let
the poor girl off the hook.

332
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:06,269
What, it's a long story. I mean, if anybody
was supposed to apologize, it's her.

333
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:07,799
You guys, blitz pile.

334
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,899
There are these guys
with these scary fucking masks

335
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,400
out in the woods!

336
00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:19,579
- Couldn't they just be other Airbnb renters?
- No, I booked the whole camp.

337
00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:22,519
I guess the escaped
convicts that are going to rape

338
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,720
and murder us didn't book
their crime scene on Airbnb.

339
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,819
Were the strippers not a joke?

340
00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:30,420
Oh, you would've killed me.

341
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,460
You hate all
flavors of exploitation.

342
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,810
Gluten-free knife, just in case.

343
00:21:04,990 --> 00:21:07,329
Fuck this!

344
00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:11,460
- What the fuck?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, boo.

345
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:13,269
You were
supposed to come tomorrow.

346
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:14,530
My fault,
I had Jack drive us up.

347
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:15,800
Dalvero didn't even know.

348
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,260
Yeah, well he knew
he was wearing a mask

349
00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:20,460
to scare the shit out of us.

350
00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:21,440
It was really
poor judgment on our part.

351
00:21:21,441 --> 00:21:23,809
But this way we can
help you first thing tomorrow.

352
00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:24,810
Hey.

353
00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:27,310
Oh, hey, you made it.

354
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,320
Shocked?

355
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,549
I'm Trask, groomsman.

356
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:34,289
Sorry if you all
thought I was a murderer.

357
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:36,660
This is Jack,
best man, designated driver.

358
00:21:37,690 --> 00:21:39,829
And you all know Dalvero.

359
00:21:39,830 --> 00:21:42,430
Uh, sorry to
psychologically molest you all.

360
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,760
Hi, I'm Eileen.

361
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,399
I'm not supposed to be here

362
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,770
but I'm just going with it.

363
00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:52,669
Okay, I think we
should all just go to bed

364
00:21:52,670 --> 00:21:54,739
because we have a
very big day tomorrow.

365
00:21:54,740 --> 00:21:58,080
The big day, boo.

366
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,020
Sweet dreams.

367
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,650
Come on, Jack.

368
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:15,799
- Oh, mother of God.
- Who is Trask?

369
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,799
He's one of
Dalvero's douchey work friends.

370
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,629
He's really not that sexy.

371
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:22,030
Bride blindness,
he's everything.

372
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,599
Okay, lights out, all right?

373
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,400
We kind of got a
lot to do tomorrow.

374
00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:27,939
- He's kind of too much.
- No such thing.

375
00:22:27,940 --> 00:22:29,839
Mia, what team?

376
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,709
Straight
guys don't look like that.

377
00:22:31,710 --> 00:22:35,379
Oh, Flynn, welcome to
the decade of CrossFit.

378
00:22:35,380 --> 00:22:36,779
I'll take one for the team

379
00:22:36,780 --> 00:22:39,720
and propose some
inter-camper liaisons.

380
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,659
Dalvero mentioned he had a wife.

381
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,359
He could be bi.

382
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:49,059
- And polyamorous.
- Well, what about Jack? You guys seemed to have

383
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:53,429
a little moment there and you bonded over
hating Tom Hanks at my engagement party.

384
00:22:53,430 --> 00:22:56,039
And we made out
and he never responded

385
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,369
to my follow-up text.

386
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:58,839
Bridal Yenta fail.

387
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,839
Anyway I've moved
on to Traskier things.

388
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,709
Who doesn't love Tom Hanks?

389
00:23:04,710 --> 00:23:05,710
Good night.

390
00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:14,150
Well,
he said he'd text me but...

391
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,989
Oh, pull
the fucking reigns on that.

392
00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:17,689
If you like him, text him.

393
00:23:17,690 --> 00:23:19,759
- It's late.
- Fuck late.

394
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,690
Late's hot.

395
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,699
Late's desperate.

396
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:24,599
Ignore the man who
hasn't dated since high school.

397
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,069
I am very happily married.

398
00:23:26,070 --> 00:23:29,030
That was before
apps and texting.

399
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,640
Dating is like espionage now.

400
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,840
I'll get intelligence from Mia.

401
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,670
Fuck, I'm out.

402
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,580
Good night.

403
00:23:38,110 --> 00:23:39,110
Come on, one more round.

404
00:23:40,750 --> 00:23:43,880
I can bet a professional
lap dance worth $55.

405
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:45,989
- It's how I paid for my MBA.
- Off!

406
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:48,150
It's your last night of freedom.
Taste the magic.

407
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,120
- Go the fuck to sleep.
- On the house then.

408
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,629
Show them my loyalty to you
and the bank knows no bounds.

409
00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:55,560
Stop kissing ass. You'll get VP.

410
00:24:05,670 --> 00:24:08,709
You're really
stiff for this guy.

411
00:24:08,710 --> 00:24:09,779
Ah shit.

412
00:24:09,780 --> 00:24:10,910
Best man speech.

413
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,810
Come with me.
I got just the thing.

414
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:29,600
The fucking outdoors!

415
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,779
Re-trip,
then you do your speech.

416
00:24:47,780 --> 00:24:48,980
Tomorow'll be easy.

417
00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:51,020
Genius, right?

418
00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:55,959
I've never actually uh... Oh.

419
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,190
Virgin territory.

420
00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:08,670
Okay, electronic devices
will not be tolerated.

421
00:25:09,770 --> 00:25:10,770
Please.

422
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:12,740
There's so much to do.

423
00:25:13,710 --> 00:25:15,570
You friends with
Trask on Facebook?

424
00:25:16,710 --> 00:25:17,780
Powering down.

425
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,949
Dalvero's substance abuse issues

426
00:25:23,950 --> 00:25:25,750
are well known to his friends.

427
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,290
He is literally
addicted to substance.

428
00:25:33,060 --> 00:25:35,629
He binges podcasts.

429
00:25:35,630 --> 00:25:39,029
Terry Gross is his celeb crush.

430
00:25:39,030 --> 00:25:44,100
And he'd donate a
kidney to Noam Chomsky.

431
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:48,670
I'm going to pee in my pants.

432
00:25:51,980 --> 00:25:54,950
When I get back you're totally
going to sext that Gore dude.

433
00:26:11,930 --> 00:26:13,729
Hey, it's Trask.

434
00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:15,100
Want to meet at the playhouse?

435
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:21,770
You are not Trask.

436
00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:25,809
Who are you?

437
00:26:25,810 --> 00:26:29,110
Trask. What the fuck?

438
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,980
Got your number
off Mia's contact sheet.

439
00:26:30,990 --> 00:26:32,820
You are so my thing.

440
00:26:34,620 --> 00:26:35,620
I'm waiting.

441
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:03,880
Trask?

442
00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:21,630
What am I doing?

443
00:27:32,050 --> 00:27:35,110
Nice catch, sir. Bring
my mask and a couple of zip ties

444
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,120
and meet me on the
other side of the lake.

445
00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:43,820
Trask?

446
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:48,700
Duh.

447
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:53,370
How did you get my number?

448
00:27:59,370 --> 00:28:01,009
Contact sheet.

449
00:28:01,010 --> 00:28:02,840
Not as bright
as you are handsome.

450
00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:11,180
That's a mildly creepy request.

451
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,859
Creepy equals sexy.

452
00:28:17,860 --> 00:28:19,860
Keep on the DL, duh.

453
00:28:20,730 --> 00:28:21,730
Hurry.

454
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:02,100
You're on the pill, right?

455
00:29:05,810 --> 00:29:08,410
No, but it's not an issue.

456
00:29:10,510 --> 00:29:16,080
Yep.

457
00:29:23,020 --> 00:29:25,189
Boo, can you pick me up

458
00:29:25,190 --> 00:29:26,829
some grapefruits ASAP?

459
00:29:26,830 --> 00:29:27,860
Gore failed.

460
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:36,100
AlexisG77
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

461
00:29:46,380 --> 00:29:49,279
Hey,
what's with the scary selfie

462
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,850
and where are you?

463
00:30:00,290 --> 00:30:01,830
Gore, Go...

464
00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:05,000
What the fuck?

465
00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:08,100
- Shit.
- What's wrong?

466
00:30:10,340 --> 00:30:11,540
Where's alcoholic girl?

467
00:30:26,420 --> 00:30:28,050
Flynn?

468
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,160
Ah.

469
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,400
Hey.

470
00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:43,000
Definitely wheat-based
vodka, sorry.

471
00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:45,969
It's quite the shit show.
Did I wake you guys?

472
00:30:45,970 --> 00:30:48,040
We're the only ones
left in the cabin.

473
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,480
Why would she sully up
my feed with this?

474
00:30:53,010 --> 00:30:54,449
Aye.

475
00:30:54,450 --> 00:30:56,919
I'm just going to say
what we're all thinking.

476
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,919
This is not a selfie.

477
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,449
Someone else took this pic.

478
00:31:00,450 --> 00:31:02,050
Someone psychopathic.

479
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,560
That's what we're all thinking?

480
00:31:05,290 --> 00:31:07,459
Alexis used to be goth, okay?

481
00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:09,629
She's probably just doing
some like bachelorette

482
00:31:09,630 --> 00:31:11,360
- haunted house thing.
- Is this her stuff?

483
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,969
Hey, that is her stuff. Come on.

484
00:31:13,970 --> 00:31:15,370
I'm looking for a clue.

485
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,939
- Jackpot.
- Wait, no.

486
00:31:19,940 --> 00:31:22,009
These are prenatal vitamins.

487
00:31:22,010 --> 00:31:23,979
Do you think she's pregnant?

488
00:31:23,980 --> 00:31:26,449
Uh, she refused that beer.
That's a first.

489
00:31:26,450 --> 00:31:29,079
Or she's trying to get pregnant.

490
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,949
Maybe she was
cheating with the psychopath

491
00:31:31,950 --> 00:31:36,290
and she thought he was a full-
service sperm donor until...

492
00:31:38,230 --> 00:31:40,459
Oh my God. Okay.

493
00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:42,429
Let me just go
check the boys' cabin

494
00:31:42,430 --> 00:31:44,530
in case they're not sleeping.

495
00:31:52,470 --> 00:31:53,539
Where are you?

496
00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:56,040
Starting to not feel this.

497
00:32:05,390 --> 00:32:06,550
Boo?

498
00:32:08,690 --> 00:32:10,120
Where are they?

499
00:32:13,090 --> 00:32:16,929
- Oh, I asked him to run an errand.
- -Now?

500
00:32:16,930 --> 00:32:19,560
Oh, he picked up my dress
after the bachelor party.

501
00:32:22,270 --> 00:32:24,070
I'll be right back.

502
00:32:32,250 --> 00:32:33,379
You guys at the store?

503
00:32:33,380 --> 00:32:34,710
Alexis posted this.

504
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,710
Can't find her.

505
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,050
Is Trask with you?

506
00:32:38,220 --> 00:32:41,550
Jack, where are you?

507
00:32:44,490 --> 00:32:45,720
You guys at the store?

508
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:46,989
Alexis posted this.

509
00:32:46,990 --> 00:32:47,660
Can't find her.

510
00:32:47,661 --> 00:32:49,230
Is Trask with you?

511
00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:53,330
Is this happening?

512
00:32:56,470 --> 00:32:57,640
Hey.

513
00:33:01,180 --> 00:33:04,980
Jesus!

514
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:07,009
Yeah, boo, be back in a jiff.

515
00:33:07,010 --> 00:33:08,610
I'll text him
to look for Alexis.

516
00:33:08,620 --> 00:33:10,250
And is Gore not
into Jack or what?

517
00:33:22,430 --> 00:33:26,999
Come deeper into the woods, put on the
mask, and zip tie yourself to a tree.

518
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,000
I'll find you.

519
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:52,020
Man of honor, need you.

520
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:53,760
Where are you?

521
00:34:07,710 --> 00:34:10,339
Alexis's phone
must've just died.

522
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:11,779
And your best gay?

523
00:34:11,780 --> 00:34:13,379
Caustic drunk girl.

524
00:34:13,380 --> 00:34:15,110
What was it, a phone massacre?

525
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,120
Gore&More
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

526
00:34:26,060 --> 00:34:28,229
Trask is
flaunting his conquests.

527
00:34:28,230 --> 00:34:29,429
Trask?

528
00:34:29,430 --> 00:34:31,799
Who was everything to Gore.

529
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,769
And whose genetic makeup
would you want for a child?

530
00:34:35,770 --> 00:34:40,210
He's some nympho psycho, so
bathed in unexamined privilege.

531
00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:42,339
This is just sport to him.

532
00:34:42,340 --> 00:34:44,210
Well, that's an airtight theory.

533
00:34:44,810 --> 00:34:47,179
Gore was acting
pretty desperate though.

534
00:34:47,180 --> 00:34:48,410
And prenatals?

535
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,350
She wanted a baby bad.

536
00:34:51,350 --> 00:34:54,519
They could both be
out there still alive

537
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,689
just bleeding out somewhere.

538
00:34:56,690 --> 00:34:58,289
How are you
even getting service?

539
00:34:58,290 --> 00:35:00,829
I've been trying to
text Scott all night.

540
00:35:00,830 --> 00:35:02,530
We need to call the police.

541
00:35:03,330 --> 00:35:05,299
Man of honor fail
is an inside joke

542
00:35:05,300 --> 00:35:07,329
and Gore was
probably in on the prank.

543
00:35:07,330 --> 00:35:08,830
We'll just wait
for them to scare me

544
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,270
and then I will kill them.

545
00:35:11,610 --> 00:35:15,539
- You're not looking to come with us, are you?
- No.

546
00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:17,679
I should stay
with my friend here.

547
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,310
Are you going to be okay?

548
00:35:20,380 --> 00:35:21,450
I'll be fine.

549
00:35:25,150 --> 00:35:26,789
Alexis! Gore!

550
00:35:26,790 --> 00:35:28,789
Shh, turn that thing off.

551
00:35:28,790 --> 00:35:30,220
We need to be stealth.

552
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,159
Okay, I can't see.

553
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:34,790
Your eyes will adjust.

554
00:35:41,470 --> 00:35:43,270
Coast is clear.

555
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,370
While we're here,
we could just finish the...

556
00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:50,479
Stealth.

557
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,280
People are coming tomorrow.

558
00:35:53,210 --> 00:35:54,849
To a blood bath.

559
00:35:54,850 --> 00:35:59,349
Recovering from an accidental glutening.
Hydration is key.

560
00:35:59,350 --> 00:36:01,550
Reach for
electrolyte-rich beverages

561
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:02,750
such as coconut water.

562
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:16,369
He didn't make it.

563
00:36:16,370 --> 00:36:17,440
So sorry.

564
00:36:32,650 --> 00:36:33,790
You're next.

565
00:36:42,860 --> 00:36:45,300
Mia! Mia!

566
00:36:45,770 --> 00:36:47,200
Mia!

567
00:37:03,220 --> 00:37:05,280
If you're afraid to
talk about this wedding,

568
00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:07,690
it's obviously a mistake.

569
00:37:08,890 --> 00:37:10,559
Jesus!

570
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:11,560
Oh, hey.

571
00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:14,760
Are you okay?

572
00:37:14,761 --> 00:37:15,830
Amazing.

573
00:37:17,530 --> 00:37:19,329
What are you doing out here?

574
00:37:19,330 --> 00:37:20,529
I needed some fresh air.

575
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:21,530
You?

576
00:37:23,570 --> 00:37:26,269
I, uh, gave the best man
shrooms to calm his nerves,

577
00:37:26,270 --> 00:37:28,809
but it freaked him out
and now I can't find him.

578
00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:31,709
You gave him
shrooms to calm his nerves?

579
00:37:31,710 --> 00:37:33,849
For tomorrow not like right now.

580
00:37:33,850 --> 00:37:35,580
You don't have any pot?

581
00:37:36,780 --> 00:37:38,949
I thought that would have been
better right before his speech.

582
00:37:38,950 --> 00:37:40,920
So you do have pot.

583
00:37:43,590 --> 00:37:47,759
Oh, maybe we could smother
Trask with one of these.

584
00:37:50,630 --> 00:37:52,960
Oh, is that how you yawn?

585
00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:57,269
You're like a big
opera singer now, right?

586
00:37:57,270 --> 00:38:00,840
- I love that #whatadivadoes.
- Thanks.

587
00:38:01,610 --> 00:38:03,909
I just looked at your profile
every once in a while

588
00:38:03,910 --> 00:38:05,480
to see what you're up to.

589
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,849
Yeah, sorry about not accepting
your friend request yet.

590
00:38:08,850 --> 00:38:10,579
I just got really
busy with the wedding,

591
00:38:10,580 --> 00:38:13,590
so, you know, haven't had...
Oh my gosh.

592
00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:18,920
This camp is so
adorbs and so un-PC.

593
00:38:18,930 --> 00:38:20,789
"Retarded"?

594
00:38:20,790 --> 00:38:22,959
What decade did
these kids come from?

595
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,930
I don't know. I think they
haven't had campers for a while.

596
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:29,299
At your cabin.

597
00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:30,599
Where you at?

598
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:31,639
Oh my gosh.

599
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,539
This could be a trap.

600
00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:34,739
We should get Flynn's knife

601
00:38:34,740 --> 00:38:36,610
and take one of
these mattresses.

602
00:38:48,150 --> 00:38:49,689
If you're afraid
to talk about this wedding,

603
00:38:49,690 --> 00:38:52,720
it's obviously a mistake.

604
00:38:58,630 --> 00:39:00,999
Eileen's cray. She is
going to ruin the wedding.

605
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:06,809
Can you take care of her?

606
00:39:06,810 --> 00:39:09,909
You
mean like be really nice to her

607
00:39:09,910 --> 00:39:13,480
so she's not so cray?

608
00:39:14,580 --> 00:39:16,750
No, not nice.

609
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,890
Like, scare her away?

610
00:39:25,590 --> 00:39:29,460
Fine. Fine.

611
00:39:33,130 --> 00:39:34,130
Fine.

612
00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:39,410
Fine!

613
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,040
Not
sure I'm down with this plan.

614
00:39:48,580 --> 00:39:51,720
So I'll scare her, okay?

615
00:39:59,860 --> 00:40:01,089
Thank you for contacting.

616
00:40:01,090 --> 00:40:02,959
How to Be Your Best Diva.

617
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:04,659
Email's really the
best way to reach me.

618
00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:05,800
#whata...

619
00:40:07,930 --> 00:40:10,539
- Dalvero's totally sprung for that girl.
- -Mm-m.

620
00:40:10,540 --> 00:40:12,770
He wouldn't even go in
the vicinity of a strip club.

621
00:40:13,710 --> 00:40:15,409
That's not sprung.

622
00:40:15,410 --> 00:40:18,540
That's whipped.

623
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:19,709
Am I interrupting something?

624
00:40:19,710 --> 00:40:21,150
No, um, no.

625
00:40:23,420 --> 00:40:25,649
So what are you doing right now?

626
00:40:25,650 --> 00:40:27,590
Getting some fresh air,
remember?

627
00:40:31,190 --> 00:40:32,960
I'm going to show you something.

628
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:36,590
Fucking hell.

629
00:40:40,970 --> 00:40:42,170
Fucking outdoors, right?

630
00:40:44,910 --> 00:40:45,910
Shit.

631
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,710
Where the fuck are we going?

632
00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:59,080
Follow me.

633
00:41:41,630 --> 00:41:42,930
Jack?

634
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:45,600
Jack?

635
00:41:52,670 --> 00:41:53,710
Gore?

636
00:41:55,140 --> 00:41:57,240
Jack, what are you doing?

637
00:41:58,780 --> 00:41:59,780
Shit.

638
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:07,720
Jack?

639
00:42:16,830 --> 00:42:17,830
Oh, yeah.

640
00:42:18,970 --> 00:42:19,970
He got her.

641
00:42:20,830 --> 00:42:22,769
Maybe she was chopping something

642
00:42:22,770 --> 00:42:24,839
and she cut herself.

643
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:25,870
Are you high?

644
00:42:26,910 --> 00:42:29,709
Either Trask or
your husband-to-be

645
00:42:29,710 --> 00:42:33,140
or both or someone else
is killing everyone.

646
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:35,780
But we haven't found a body.

647
00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:41,150
That's beet juice.

648
00:42:45,890 --> 00:42:50,899
Everyone is missing. We need to find
a landline and call 9-fucking-1-1.

649
00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:54,169
Unless you want to deliver your
vows to a room full of coffins.

650
00:42:54,170 --> 00:42:58,739
If you would like to explain creepy
selfies to 9-1-1, be my guest.

651
00:42:58,740 --> 00:43:01,870
I'm going to go find Dalvero and I'm
going to sort this whole thing out.

652
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,579
- I don't want you to die!
- Oh, you're

653
00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:04,810
wrinkling the dress.

654
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,120
You're next.

655
00:43:34,910 --> 00:43:36,610
You're next.

656
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,140
Hey, boo boo.

657
00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:42,980
Dalvero.

658
00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:47,190
Where the fuck is everybody?

659
00:44:03,170 --> 00:44:05,869
Hey, Mia.
I've been trying to call you all day.

660
00:44:05,870 --> 00:44:08,739
Your fiancé picked up the
wrong dress from the tailor.

661
00:44:08,740 --> 00:44:11,379
But amazingly, this dress
is very close to your size

662
00:44:11,380 --> 00:44:14,909
and should just fit barring any deviation
from your diet and exercise regime.

663
00:44:14,910 --> 00:44:16,949
My deepest
apologies for the mishap.

664
00:44:16,950 --> 00:44:18,850
Holly.

665
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,130
9-1-1, where's your emergency?

666
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:31,860
Now who's next?

667
00:44:31,870 --> 00:44:33,399
You're alive!

668
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:34,300
Funny.

669
00:44:34,301 --> 00:44:36,369
Okay.

670
00:44:36,370 --> 00:44:39,000
You faked your own death
to throw us off.

671
00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:40,100
Genius.

672
00:44:40,110 --> 00:44:42,970
Except beet juice?

673
00:44:42,980 --> 00:44:43,980
Cut the bull.

674
00:44:45,180 --> 00:44:47,809
Is my son alive?

675
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:49,749
Frame me all you want.

676
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:51,780
You're the one who
disappeared for hours

677
00:44:51,790 --> 00:44:53,450
clearly to set traps for us.

678
00:44:53,950 --> 00:44:55,189
Are you even gluten-free?

679
00:44:55,190 --> 00:44:56,719
I have celiac disease.

680
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,159
What did
accomplice do to my son?

681
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,390
Do you even have a child?

682
00:45:01,230 --> 00:45:04,129
Or is it like you
invented an imaginary son

683
00:45:04,130 --> 00:45:08,169
to get attention and
now your fantasy is crumbling

684
00:45:08,170 --> 00:45:10,270
and you have to
kill off everyone by...

685
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,310
What'd I tell you, right?

686
00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:53,380
Wow.

687
00:45:54,010 --> 00:45:55,210
You got any more weed?

688
00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,279
Oh, I got some good shit

689
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:58,250
like you died
and went to heaven.

690
00:45:58,251 --> 00:46:01,420
I'm pretty sure I
wouldn't like heaven.

691
00:46:06,290 --> 00:46:08,929
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting comfortable.

692
00:46:08,930 --> 00:46:11,029
It's a hot night,
don't you think?

693
00:46:11,030 --> 00:46:15,099
Wow. Does like say hello to my
package normally work for you?

694
00:46:15,100 --> 00:46:16,300
No.

695
00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,350
You should be
like way more dominant.

696
00:46:38,830 --> 00:46:40,259
Better?

697
00:46:40,260 --> 00:46:41,260
Kind of.

698
00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:05,380
Hey,
sorry for the super late notice,

699
00:47:05,390 --> 00:47:07,519
but we can't
make it to the wedding.

700
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,920
The car broke down and it won't
be fixed till next week. Sad face.

701
00:47:12,460 --> 00:47:15,990
I already put in the
headcount to the caterers.

702
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,230
Can't you rent a car?
That is so rude.

703
00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:21,170
Gee.

704
00:47:21,870 --> 00:47:22,870
Sorry.

705
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:25,170
Are you all right?

706
00:47:27,270 --> 00:47:28,510
Alexis?

707
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,280
Alexis?

708
00:47:37,420 --> 00:47:39,450
Girl, you got... what are you...

709
00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:42,420
Oh my God.

710
00:47:55,970 --> 00:47:56,970
Oh my God.

711
00:47:58,270 --> 00:47:59,270
Oh my God.

712
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:02,640
Oh my God.

713
00:48:19,030 --> 00:48:21,190
Come to the playhouse ASAP.

714
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,240
Oh God.

715
00:48:37,510 --> 00:48:39,510
Come on, come on!

716
00:48:42,380 --> 00:48:44,050
Come on, come on.

717
00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:50,920
Hide the body. No one can
know or there'll be more.

718
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:56,960
Shit.

719
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,160
What the fuck?

720
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,369
Great news.
The videographer was approved.

721
00:49:06,370 --> 00:49:09,009
Can you just
resend me the camp address?

722
00:49:09,010 --> 00:49:10,239
Can't seem to find it.

723
00:49:10,240 --> 00:49:12,110
- See you tomorrow.
- What?

724
00:49:14,050 --> 00:49:17,319
Uh, do.

725
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:18,320
Hide it now!

726
00:49:39,410 --> 00:49:40,410
Jack!

727
00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:43,440
Trask, what the hell, man?

728
00:49:47,450 --> 00:49:48,450
Gore?

729
00:49:50,550 --> 00:49:51,980
What's going on?

730
00:49:54,290 --> 00:49:55,490
Is this some kind of game?

731
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:01,459
I know Mia has
been kind of intense

732
00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:04,599
with the wedding prep
and the man of honor checklist.

733
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,229
She BBC'd me.

734
00:50:07,230 --> 00:50:09,469
But she really
just wants this to be

735
00:50:09,470 --> 00:50:11,070
a wonderful
experience for everyone.

736
00:50:13,070 --> 00:50:16,309
Uh, look, I know
you've known her half her life

737
00:50:16,310 --> 00:50:19,609
and I'm just some guy
in a long line of guys.

738
00:50:19,610 --> 00:50:22,679
I don't really want to know how
long so please don't tell me.

739
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:26,150
But seriously I'd
do anything for her.

740
00:50:27,390 --> 00:50:28,719
I know you would, too.

741
00:50:28,720 --> 00:50:32,019
I mean, if you were straight,
you would probably be marrying her.

742
00:50:32,020 --> 00:50:35,329
So, yeah,
I feel some competition there

743
00:50:35,330 --> 00:50:38,160
but I also think
of you as a friend.

744
00:50:39,570 --> 00:50:41,429
I hope you think
of me as one, too.

745
00:50:41,430 --> 00:50:44,739
And maybe this is premature,
but if we decide to have kids,

746
00:50:44,740 --> 00:50:46,540
we're thinking
you'd be the godfather.

747
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:52,080
Gore?

748
00:51:07,060 --> 00:51:08,689
I'm just like
trying to be sure what...

749
00:51:08,690 --> 00:51:11,129
- No more talking. No more talking.
- All right.

750
00:51:11,130 --> 00:51:12,199
- What are going to do?
- This is feeling much...

751
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:15,730
Fuck!

752
00:51:15,740 --> 00:51:16,770
What the fuck?

753
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,509
Jesus.

754
00:51:27,510 --> 00:51:30,610
TraskMan
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

755
00:51:41,590 --> 00:51:44,699
- Oh.
- What the crap was that?

756
00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:47,429
I read a story about an
opera singer who got mugged

757
00:51:47,430 --> 00:51:50,099
and then she sang a crazy high
note and then he ran away.

758
00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:54,869
Well, we're all safe now, okay? Eileen was behind
everything but I locked her in the fridge.

759
00:51:54,870 --> 00:51:58,239
Wait, what? But Eileen was
with us the whole time.

760
00:51:58,240 --> 00:51:59,640
Yes, I know. She must've done
it all before we got up

761
00:51:59,650 --> 00:52:01,379
and then posted
the photos later.

762
00:52:01,380 --> 00:52:03,410
I even found
her Polaroid camera.

763
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:05,480
Oh my God.

764
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:09,319
Is that your dress?

765
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:10,489
No.

766
00:52:10,490 --> 00:52:12,389
Dalvero picked up the wrong one.

767
00:52:12,390 --> 00:52:14,259
Shit, sorry.

768
00:52:14,260 --> 00:52:19,160
- Is that why you needed me here ASAP?
- Yes.

769
00:52:19,170 --> 00:52:21,899
Sorry, but I need to
check on Jefferson, okay?

770
00:52:21,900 --> 00:52:23,599
You don't mind if I
take Dalvero's car to Brooklyn?

771
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,840
Are you sure that
he's in imminent danger?

772
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,140
And then seconds later...

773
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:37,349
- Whoa.
- Right?

774
00:52:37,350 --> 00:52:41,390
Okay, do you think that
there is also a killer here?

775
00:52:41,790 --> 00:52:42,650
Killer?

776
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:43,750
Is someone dead?

777
00:52:45,590 --> 00:52:46,760
No, no.

778
00:52:48,530 --> 00:52:49,729
No, just the selfies.

779
00:52:49,730 --> 00:52:51,399
Eileen probably roofied them.

780
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:52,799
Who knows what she's capable of.

781
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:54,569
She was
projecting her crimes on me.

782
00:52:54,570 --> 00:52:56,570
It's just all so sick and weird.

783
00:52:57,570 --> 00:52:59,939
- I should have told her about the email mix-up.
- Don't blame yourself.

784
00:52:59,940 --> 00:53:02,270
This country is a disaster when
dealing with mental illness.

785
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,509
Okay, I'm going to go
find service and call 9-1-1.

786
00:53:04,510 --> 00:53:07,340
You just stay here and
wait for the police, okay?

787
00:53:35,710 --> 00:53:39,940
Congratulations. You've
had your most active day yet.

788
00:53:39,950 --> 00:53:42,510
Way to go.

789
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:43,749
Hey, why'd you run from me?

790
00:53:43,750 --> 00:53:44,979
I need your help with Gore.

791
00:53:44,980 --> 00:53:46,619
I think he's really hurt.

792
00:53:46,620 --> 00:53:47,850
Meet me at the canoes.

793
00:53:52,890 --> 00:53:55,529
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven,

794
00:53:55,530 --> 00:53:57,529
eight, nine, ten.

795
00:53:57,530 --> 00:53:58,530
Shit!

796
00:54:05,270 --> 00:54:07,469
One, two,
three, four, five, six,

797
00:54:07,470 --> 00:54:08,769
seven, eight, nine, ten.

798
00:54:08,770 --> 00:54:13,910
Oh! Okay.

799
00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,679
Hey, big favor, can you meet Paulette
by the camp entrance and give her

800
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:20,649
that lap dance and more?
She needs to chill the fuck out.

801
00:54:20,650 --> 00:54:21,949
For real?

802
00:54:21,950 --> 00:54:23,889
Not cheating on my wife.

803
00:54:23,890 --> 00:54:25,859
Guess you're not ready to be VP.

804
00:54:25,860 --> 00:54:27,289
What?

805
00:54:27,290 --> 00:54:29,829
Oh my... Hide the body.

806
00:54:29,830 --> 00:54:31,860
No one can know
or there'll be more.

807
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:34,800
Oh, um.

808
00:54:45,980 --> 00:54:46,980
Why?

809
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,760
Hide it now.

810
00:55:19,650 --> 00:55:20,810
Shit.

811
00:55:33,060 --> 00:55:34,660
Oh fuck, oh fuck.

812
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,029
Uh, sorry, Gore thought

813
00:55:41,030 --> 00:55:42,699
he was supposed to scare you.

814
00:55:42,700 --> 00:55:44,639
Eileen's in the cafeteria.

815
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:47,810
So I'll scare her, okay?

816
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:08,590
Should have cut
me when you had the chance.

817
00:56:37,790 --> 00:56:39,920
Leave this place.

818
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:58,180
Where the fuck are you going?

819
00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:04,549
Please send that address ASAP.

820
00:57:04,550 --> 00:57:06,580
The crew needs to
get up there early.

821
00:57:07,820 --> 00:57:10,719
Sorry, it's one Pocumtuck Road,

822
00:57:10,720 --> 00:57:13,720
Hennecker-Keen,
Massachusetts, 01313.

823
00:57:13,730 --> 00:57:15,930
Can't wait to finally meet you.

824
00:57:17,860 --> 00:57:19,929
Oh my God, my TV dinner dream!

825
00:57:19,930 --> 00:57:20,960
Wow, you can sing.

826
00:57:20,970 --> 00:57:22,899
Is that your wedding dress?

827
00:57:22,900 --> 00:57:23,900
Uh.

828
00:57:24,970 --> 00:57:26,700
What did gluten-free tell you?

829
00:57:28,970 --> 00:57:31,139
It's called being framed.

830
00:57:31,140 --> 00:57:32,110
Where is she?

831
00:57:32,111 --> 00:57:35,549
Saving her son
from your accomplice.

832
00:57:35,550 --> 00:57:38,519
I don't have any friends
that would kill children for me.

833
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,189
Have you ever
even met this Jefferson?

834
00:57:41,190 --> 00:57:43,789
Yes, several times.

835
00:57:43,790 --> 00:57:46,190
She could have rented a baby.

836
00:57:48,930 --> 00:57:51,759
Jesus, Mia.

837
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,829
People are dying and
you're still inviting bloggers?

838
00:57:54,830 --> 00:57:55,900
Nobody's dying.

839
00:57:57,140 --> 00:57:59,870
Oh, oh my God!

840
00:58:01,010 --> 00:58:03,040
Jesus, Mia, is she okay?

841
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,609
- Uh...
- Have you checked her pulse?

842
00:58:05,610 --> 00:58:07,079
Yeah,
I don't know how to do that.

843
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:08,849
We took CPR together.

844
00:58:08,850 --> 00:58:11,749
No one can know
or there'll be more.

845
00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:13,149
Well, she's not alive.

846
00:58:13,150 --> 00:58:15,249
She's your friend
and you're still trying

847
00:58:15,250 --> 00:58:16,920
to make this wedding happen?

848
00:58:18,220 --> 00:58:19,220
She's fine.

849
00:58:21,830 --> 00:58:25,230
She just has one of
those artificial hearts

850
00:58:26,730 --> 00:58:28,030
that has no pulse.

851
00:58:32,770 --> 00:58:35,140
When possible, make a U-turn.

852
00:58:36,010 --> 00:58:38,209
When possible, make a U-turn.

853
00:58:38,210 --> 00:58:40,940
What the fuck, lady?
I just made a fucking U-turn.

854
00:58:40,950 --> 00:58:41,950
Jesus.

855
00:58:58,600 --> 00:58:59,600
Sorry.

856
00:59:19,950 --> 00:59:22,050
This is me
chilling the fuck out!

857
00:59:24,590 --> 00:59:25,750
What did you do to Jefferson?

858
00:59:26,830 --> 00:59:29,189
- Jefferson?
- My son.

859
00:59:29,190 --> 00:59:32,159
- I thought he was in Brooklyn.
- Don't fuck with me.

860
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,799
- What are you doing with a gun?
- It's not mine.

861
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:38,899
Oh, does it belong
to your Bloody Eight friend?

862
00:59:38,900 --> 00:59:40,939
You two team up
to ruin Mia's wedding

863
00:59:40,940 --> 00:59:43,040
and harvest my son's stem cells?

864
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:44,640
Nope.

865
00:59:44,641 --> 00:59:47,640
What are you
doing with Dalvero's car?

866
00:59:48,650 --> 00:59:49,780
I'm borrowing it.

867
00:59:50,780 --> 00:59:51,850
Perfect.

868
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:57,960
Let's borrow it back to camp
and clear this whole thing up.

869
01:00:27,350 --> 01:00:29,620
I'm really sorry
about the email mix-up.

870
01:00:30,220 --> 01:00:32,389
I should have said something.
I just gave you the wrong...

871
01:00:32,390 --> 01:00:33,390
Game over, Mia.

872
01:00:34,790 --> 01:00:37,090
Inviting me here
was no accident.

873
01:00:37,930 --> 01:00:39,630
You wanted revenge.

874
01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:41,900
Revenge for what?

875
01:00:42,270 --> 01:00:44,070
"Star Search."

876
01:00:44,300 --> 01:00:48,040
"Star Search" was 20 years ago.
I'm over it.

877
01:00:48,910 --> 01:00:53,779
You're telling me you're not at all upset
that I didn't pick you up that morning

878
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:56,749
and you missed your audition
for the talent competition

879
01:00:56,750 --> 01:00:58,250
of the late '80s, early '90s.

880
01:00:58,750 --> 01:01:00,180
Yeah, your house
got hit by heat lightning

881
01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:04,050
and your alarm got reset.

882
01:01:04,060 --> 01:01:06,359
And you're totally fine
that I went the next day

883
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:07,360
and booked it.

884
01:01:08,030 --> 01:01:11,190
We only got 1 1/4 stars.

885
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:14,330
And still managed to land a
Disney Channel Japan contract.

886
01:01:15,100 --> 01:01:17,130
Okay, but that
wasn't really Disney Channel.

887
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:22,809
And Hamlet.

888
01:01:22,810 --> 01:01:24,709
What woman
wouldn't want to play Hamlet?

889
01:01:24,710 --> 01:01:27,010
You didn't even
get Guildenstern.

890
01:01:27,380 --> 01:01:31,350
You were just Fortinbras' wife.

891
01:01:35,450 --> 01:01:38,889
Okay, maybe I was
pissed off about that

892
01:01:38,890 --> 01:01:41,929
and maybe I had to
Google what heat lightning was

893
01:01:41,930 --> 01:01:43,459
and maybe on that day

894
01:01:43,460 --> 01:01:46,330
the weather reports
contradict your story.

895
01:01:47,470 --> 01:01:49,400
Because my story is a lie.

896
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,400
Huh?

897
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:08,219
You'll never
outrun him in that thing.

898
01:02:08,220 --> 01:02:10,490
I can't get out of this.

899
01:02:12,460 --> 01:02:13,460
No!

900
01:02:47,190 --> 01:02:49,059
What the fuck?

901
01:02:49,060 --> 01:02:51,499
When people
are freezing to death,

902
01:02:51,500 --> 01:02:53,529
they figure shit out.

903
01:02:53,530 --> 01:02:56,230
And you're reading
a lot into those texts.

904
01:03:00,210 --> 01:03:01,210
Am I?

905
01:03:07,910 --> 01:03:11,449
Dalvero
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

906
01:03:11,450 --> 01:03:14,280
Stop! Get out.

907
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,090
Oh, shit, shit.

908
01:03:29,170 --> 01:03:30,570
Get... Oh, my foot!

909
01:03:31,340 --> 01:03:33,500
Wait, your mom OD'd?

910
01:03:33,510 --> 01:03:36,209
Disney Channel
Japan was her rehab.

911
01:03:36,210 --> 01:03:39,580
1 1/4 stars is television
leprosy. I didn't book shit.

912
01:03:41,310 --> 01:03:43,150
Wow.

913
01:03:44,420 --> 01:03:45,980
I kind of hated you actually.

914
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,889
I'm sure the Wendy's
commercial didn't help.

915
01:03:49,890 --> 01:03:51,559
No, no, it didn't.

916
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:53,020
I didn't even try.

917
01:03:53,030 --> 01:03:54,990
I just got
scouted at the Galleria.

918
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:00,260
I've been
trying to say I'm sorry

919
01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:02,100
since I found you on Facebook.

920
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:05,899
I thought the
bridesmaid email was your way

921
01:04:05,900 --> 01:04:08,070
of accepting my apology.

922
01:04:13,510 --> 01:04:15,849
I suck.

923
01:04:15,850 --> 01:04:19,880
And see, you're the one
who became a star.

924
01:04:20,990 --> 01:04:22,890
I paid the karmic price.

925
01:04:24,620 --> 01:04:29,529
Actually, I know that I seem
like I'm this big opera star

926
01:04:29,530 --> 01:04:33,629
'cause I post on Facebook
but I'm not.

927
01:04:33,630 --> 01:04:35,999
Had this like
really bad vocal crisis

928
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:40,240
and now all I do is coachings.

929
01:04:42,370 --> 01:04:43,370
Coachings?

930
01:04:45,140 --> 01:04:47,580
Like you just teach?

931
01:04:48,980 --> 01:04:51,979
Yeah.

932
01:04:51,980 --> 01:04:53,380
9-1-1 traced our calls.

933
01:04:53,390 --> 01:04:55,090
We're saved!

934
01:05:17,010 --> 01:05:18,680
Fuckin' no way.

935
01:05:22,410 --> 01:05:24,579
- Officer, stop.
- What the fuck?

936
01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:26,919
Arrest her. She's been trying
to stop this wedding

937
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:28,449
by killing my son.

938
01:05:28,450 --> 01:05:30,050
And she's in on it, too.

939
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,020
Mia, do you just hurt you,
are you all right?

940
01:05:33,030 --> 01:05:34,389
Paulette's part
of the conspiracy.

941
01:05:34,390 --> 01:05:35,989
Hey, have you guys seen Dalvero?

942
01:05:35,990 --> 01:05:38,929
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- What?

943
01:05:38,930 --> 01:05:41,299
Officer, this woman
locked me in the freezer

944
01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:42,699
at gluten-free knife point

945
01:05:42,700 --> 01:05:46,099
and has invented a child
to mask her own insecurities.

946
01:05:46,100 --> 01:05:49,139
You guys, it's not one of us.

947
01:05:49,140 --> 01:05:51,009
We saw the killer.
I knocked him out.

948
01:05:51,010 --> 01:05:52,080
Why are you so sorry?

949
01:05:56,350 --> 01:05:59,111
- Oh my fucking God.
- Now you three stand back away from the vehicle.

950
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,449
Oh my God. Mia, he has a gun.

951
01:06:02,450 --> 01:06:06,689
And who the fuck are you? Because you
are certainly not an officer of the law.

952
01:06:06,690 --> 01:06:08,690
Please step away
from the vehicle

953
01:06:09,290 --> 01:06:11,060
and hand over your weapon.

954
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:22,669
You have the right
to remain sexy.

955
01:06:22,670 --> 01:06:25,080
Oh shit, Magical Michael?

956
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:27,640
Sorry, guys, my bad.

957
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:30,179
He was supposed
to be here hours ago.

958
01:06:30,180 --> 01:06:31,550
This place is hard to find.

959
01:06:32,350 --> 01:06:34,749
I'm sorry, Mia, I didn't
know you were so against

960
01:06:34,750 --> 01:06:36,320
the exploitation of men.

961
01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:38,459
But don't you
think after a millennia

962
01:06:38,460 --> 01:06:41,320
of the exploitation of women,
we should get our turn?

963
01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:43,290
Is that what this is about,

964
01:06:43,300 --> 01:06:46,129
an anti-marriage
feminist reprisal?

965
01:06:46,130 --> 01:06:49,029
- I should probably go.
- Hey, I already paid for this online.

966
01:06:49,030 --> 01:06:50,330
Yeah, not for
whatever the fuck this is.

967
01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:52,000
No, no.

968
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,270
We need a third party
to settle this.

969
01:06:56,170 --> 01:06:58,439
And how the fuck
do you turn that off?

970
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:00,209
Just a few more times.

971
01:07:00,210 --> 01:07:01,340
Go for the full routine.

972
01:07:01,350 --> 01:07:03,310
Officer down to funk.

973
01:07:07,020 --> 01:07:08,020
Spread 'em.

974
01:07:10,620 --> 01:07:13,120
No, no one leaves.

975
01:07:13,130 --> 01:07:15,459
I need to get to my son!

976
01:07:15,460 --> 01:07:17,259
Who doesn't exist!

977
01:07:17,260 --> 01:07:18,429
She's the killer.

978
01:07:18,430 --> 01:07:19,699
No, it's Trask.

979
01:07:19,700 --> 01:07:22,500
- What?
- I saw him raping Paulette.

980
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:27,139
No, that was consensual

981
01:07:27,140 --> 01:07:29,209
and there wasn't
really any penetration.

982
01:07:29,210 --> 01:07:31,609
I know he didn't kill Dalvero.

983
01:07:31,610 --> 01:07:33,209
I didn't mean to but...

984
01:07:33,210 --> 01:07:35,779
He was attacking us with a mask.

985
01:07:35,780 --> 01:07:37,510
She didn't do it.

986
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:39,680
No fucking way!

987
01:07:40,790 --> 01:07:42,249
She didn't... No.

988
01:07:42,250 --> 01:07:43,789
Our lives are in danger.

989
01:07:43,790 --> 01:07:46,190
I paid for 35 minutes.

990
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:02,140
Can we all just talk about this?

991
01:08:03,540 --> 01:08:11,280
Magic4hire
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

992
01:08:13,620 --> 01:08:15,350
Everyone follow me.

993
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:38,370
Inspect the body.

994
01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:40,609
I bet you've been building
up your tolerance for years

995
01:08:40,610 --> 01:08:44,610
just to seem like an alki loser
all the while just waiting...

996
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:46,650
Just do it.

997
01:09:02,770 --> 01:09:04,730
Does anyone see a gunshot wound?

998
01:09:07,270 --> 01:09:08,910
This is some JFK shit.

999
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:11,909
JFK's wound was pretty visible.

1000
01:09:11,910 --> 01:09:14,710
I fired a warning shot
into the air.

1001
01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:17,750
This is weird.

1002
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:20,780
Maybe the same thing
happened to Dalvero.

1003
01:09:20,790 --> 01:09:22,290
I didn't kick him that hard.

1004
01:09:22,920 --> 01:09:24,750
Do the selfies mean you're dead?

1005
01:09:29,530 --> 01:09:31,459
I should have texted him.

1006
01:09:31,460 --> 01:09:36,300
Adorable but people are
dying without visible injuries.

1007
01:09:36,570 --> 01:09:38,699
Alexis didn't have any either.

1008
01:09:38,700 --> 01:09:40,340
You found Alexis?

1009
01:09:40,510 --> 01:09:43,510
I got a text from a 510 number
and it said,

1010
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:47,880
"Don't tell anyone and hide
the body or there'll be more."

1011
01:09:49,510 --> 01:09:51,610
Wait, you never
gave me your phone number

1012
01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:54,619
for the contact sheet
and Dalvero has a 510 number

1013
01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:56,750
from Berkeley and
you probably do, too.

1014
01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:02,389
I got the same exact text
after Trask croaked

1015
01:10:02,390 --> 01:10:06,259
on top of me
except from a 617 number.

1016
01:10:06,260 --> 01:10:07,929
Aren't you
originally from Boston, Mia?

1017
01:10:07,930 --> 01:10:10,669
No, Eileen texted me,
"You're next,"

1018
01:10:10,670 --> 01:10:12,869
and she's the one
with the Polaroid camera.

1019
01:10:12,870 --> 01:10:14,439
I don't have your number.

1020
01:10:14,440 --> 01:10:15,940
We all got the contact sheet.

1021
01:10:16,980 --> 01:10:19,279
I'm not that organized.

1022
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,280
Someone must've
hacked our numbers.

1023
01:10:21,580 --> 01:10:22,850
You work in tech now.

1024
01:10:23,450 --> 01:10:24,650
You Googled me?

1025
01:10:25,980 --> 01:10:27,649
Caught your Linkedln request.

1026
01:10:27,650 --> 01:10:28,790
I work in social media.

1027
01:10:30,220 --> 01:10:32,290
Well, did.

1028
01:10:34,330 --> 01:10:35,330
I got fired.

1029
01:10:37,260 --> 01:10:38,899
Jesus, fuck!

1030
01:10:38,900 --> 01:10:40,660
Oh, oh, oh.

1031
01:10:40,670 --> 01:10:42,399
Oh shit.

1032
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:43,769
I swear he didn't have a pulse.

1033
01:10:43,770 --> 01:10:45,300
I don't think he's alive.

1034
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:48,239
This is supernatural.

1035
01:10:48,240 --> 01:10:50,309
Oh, that explains everything.

1036
01:10:50,310 --> 01:10:52,379
The paranormal
always explains everything.

1037
01:10:52,380 --> 01:10:54,940
He probably just got
knocked out, came to, and...

1038
01:10:54,950 --> 01:10:57,949
Is really engrossed
in a "New Yorker" article?

1039
01:10:57,950 --> 01:11:03,719
Mia, I did a background search on the
camp and all of the permits were expired.

1040
01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:07,920
- Did you book it or are we just trespassing?
- I am not that cheap.

1041
01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:11,359
And if they are out of date,
I'm going to ask Miriam for a discount.

1042
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:12,699
Who's Miriam?

1043
01:11:12,700 --> 01:11:14,730
The Airbnb contact for the camp.

1044
01:11:15,700 --> 01:11:19,339
And the name of the girl who was
struck by lightning and drowned?

1045
01:11:19,340 --> 01:11:25,780
- Convenient.
- You think that she's capable of being behind all of this?

1046
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:33,420
Shit, that's her last name and her
profile picture was the camp sign.

1047
01:11:35,490 --> 01:11:38,289
I've seen that Walkman.

1048
01:11:38,290 --> 01:11:41,020
Her spirit is probably
entrancing through his phone

1049
01:11:41,030 --> 01:11:42,989
and made him a slave.

1050
01:11:42,990 --> 01:11:45,999
Maybe if you take it away,
it'll sever the tie.

1051
01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:48,060
Because you've seen
this kind of thing before?

1052
01:11:48,070 --> 01:11:51,699
Well, no, but I manage
paranormally.com's web presence

1053
01:11:51,700 --> 01:11:53,639
and, well, did.

1054
01:11:53,640 --> 01:11:55,439
Are you going to do it?

1055
01:11:55,440 --> 01:11:56,839
Uh, he looks pretty strong.

1056
01:11:56,840 --> 01:11:59,809
Yeah, I'm not going to try it,
not in this.

1057
01:11:59,810 --> 01:12:01,740
I say we all just
pile in Dalvero's car

1058
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:02,849
and get the fuck out of here.

1059
01:12:02,850 --> 01:12:04,549
But if this works on him,

1060
01:12:04,550 --> 01:12:06,350
maybe we could
save everyone else.

1061
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:08,720
Okay.

1062
01:12:08,721 --> 01:12:10,519
Okay, go for it.

1063
01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:12,720
Oh oh.

1064
01:12:16,030 --> 01:12:18,959
Jack1138 posted
to #MiaCampWedding.

1065
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:20,960
Dalvero's car
sounds pretty good about now.

1066
01:12:20,970 --> 01:12:22,530
#MiaCampWedding.

1067
01:12:24,470 --> 01:12:26,069
Oh ho!

1068
01:12:26,070 --> 01:12:28,040
Follow me!

1069
01:12:32,380 --> 01:12:34,009
Shouldn't we throw our phones
away so we don't get zombied?

1070
01:12:34,010 --> 01:12:37,110
If grabbing
one's phone is stealing,

1071
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:39,549
maybe tossing
our phones is littering.

1072
01:12:39,550 --> 01:12:41,080
We should leave where?

1073
01:12:41,090 --> 01:12:44,619
Fuck that! That bitch lured
us here by the Airbnb

1074
01:12:44,620 --> 01:12:48,459
because she obviously
has some unfinished business

1075
01:12:48,460 --> 01:12:51,090
that she'd clearly
like us to help her resolve.

1076
01:12:51,100 --> 01:12:52,729
Then why is she
killing everyone?

1077
01:12:52,730 --> 01:12:55,129
Dead weight, you think
they could've helped her?

1078
01:12:55,130 --> 01:12:56,130
Shit.

1079
01:13:02,910 --> 01:13:03,970
Where's Flynn?

1080
01:13:03,980 --> 01:13:05,439
She can knock.

1081
01:13:05,440 --> 01:13:06,840
We can't just
leave her out there.

1082
01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:08,409
She's safer than in here.

1083
01:13:08,410 --> 01:13:10,110
What are you trying to do,

1084
01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:13,420
trap us in the
smallest room on the planet?

1085
01:13:14,450 --> 01:13:16,590
Oh my God, oh my God.

1086
01:13:19,060 --> 01:13:20,759
That's why we're in here.

1087
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:21,990
Do you have the key?

1088
01:13:22,930 --> 01:13:23,930
Fuck me.

1089
01:13:29,870 --> 01:13:31,899
Where are you?

1090
01:13:31,900 --> 01:13:34,600
We're trapped.

1091
01:13:35,710 --> 01:13:39,080
Leave now and Mia's toast.

1092
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:50,450
You're next!

1093
01:13:55,490 --> 01:13:59,459
Would be amazingly
lucky if we just found the key.

1094
01:13:59,460 --> 01:14:00,699
Oh my God.

1095
01:14:00,700 --> 01:14:01,630
What?

1096
01:14:01,631 --> 01:14:05,639
"Dare you to steal
Yolanda's Cabbage Patch Kid

1097
01:14:05,640 --> 01:14:07,069
and hang it."

1098
01:14:07,070 --> 01:14:09,809
Kids at this camp were brutal.

1099
01:14:09,810 --> 01:14:11,040
You think it's inside.

1100
01:14:12,110 --> 01:14:13,080
Cover your ears.

1101
01:14:13,081 --> 01:14:14,510
- Oh God.
- What the fuck?

1102
01:14:15,550 --> 01:14:17,610
Continue toward state route,

1103
01:14:17,620 --> 01:14:21,880
make a U-turn,
make a U-turn or you're next,

1104
01:14:21,890 --> 01:14:23,750
- you're next, you're next.
- Shut the fuck up.

1105
01:14:23,760 --> 01:14:24,690
Shut up.

1106
01:14:24,691 --> 01:14:26,760
You were warned a lot.

1107
01:14:33,160 --> 01:14:35,500
- What the fuck?
- Uh!

1108
01:14:36,200 --> 01:14:37,200
Ow.

1109
01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:42,570
GFreeAtLast
posted to #MiaCampWedding.

1110
01:14:46,140 --> 01:14:47,779
I'm going to write
the email to tell everybody

1111
01:14:47,780 --> 01:14:49,680
to stay away from my wedding.

1112
01:14:50,820 --> 01:14:53,119
No, we can
get to the bottom of this

1113
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:54,749
and exorcize everyone.

1114
01:14:54,750 --> 01:14:56,519
You could still have
the best wedding ever.

1115
01:14:56,520 --> 01:15:00,189
What? No!
Fucking scare everyone away

1116
01:15:00,190 --> 01:15:03,129
and like tell them it was a fire
or something because I am here

1117
01:15:03,130 --> 01:15:05,799
and I can barely
believe this shit.

1118
01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:08,060
So you're just
going to give up and listen

1119
01:15:08,070 --> 01:15:09,729
to drowned girl's mix tape?

1120
01:15:09,730 --> 01:15:13,800
Nobody labels a mix tape
Camp Record Number One.

1121
01:15:13,810 --> 01:15:15,569
It's got to be something.

1122
01:15:15,570 --> 01:15:17,709
But we need to warn people

1123
01:15:17,710 --> 01:15:21,109
in case it's not
the best wedding ever, okay?

1124
01:15:21,110 --> 01:15:23,280
Anyone see the headphones?

1125
01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:25,750
Better idea.

1126
01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:28,889
So we can all hear.

1127
01:15:28,890 --> 01:15:30,049
We're going to need to find

1128
01:15:30,050 --> 01:15:31,990
a more defensible position.

1129
01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:34,789
We need to go to the playhouse.

1130
01:15:34,790 --> 01:15:36,130
Be prepared to run.

1131
01:15:43,030 --> 01:15:44,770
Oh my God. Take shelter.

1132
01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:50,670
- Shit!
- Just drop and roll!

1133
01:15:50,940 --> 01:15:52,679
That is not
happening in this dress.

1134
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:53,879
Rip it off.

1135
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:56,080
I can't, it's too tight.

1136
01:15:57,550 --> 01:15:59,620
Oh.

1137
01:16:00,220 --> 01:16:03,790
- Shit, come on!
- Gee, oh, go, go!

1138
01:16:05,890 --> 01:16:08,559
Damn, home girl's
got some mad skills.

1139
01:16:08,560 --> 01:16:10,759
Well, Dalvero said
she trained with the CIA

1140
01:16:10,760 --> 01:16:12,059
but she failed some test.

1141
01:16:12,060 --> 01:16:13,600
How's that email coming?

1142
01:16:23,580 --> 01:16:24,740
Shit, it's Alexis.

1143
01:16:25,940 --> 01:16:27,809
We could
barricade her with seating.

1144
01:16:27,810 --> 01:16:29,110
Good plan.

1145
01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:11,620
Gore found this
while we were setting up.

1146
01:17:16,390 --> 01:17:19,260
Yeah, that would've
been a red flag for me.

1147
01:17:19,630 --> 01:17:20,899
Oh my gosh.

1148
01:17:20,900 --> 01:17:22,730
Look who's on top of the board.

1149
01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:26,899
The last camp director
was this psych grad student

1150
01:17:26,900 --> 01:17:29,669
who, according to
this very creepy website,

1151
01:17:29,670 --> 01:17:30,970
pitted the kids
against each other

1152
01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,939
through some
like disciplinary game.

1153
01:17:32,940 --> 01:17:35,949
We've got to save her
from his ghost.

1154
01:17:35,950 --> 01:17:38,810
You break a rule and,
bam, you're on the board.

1155
01:17:38,820 --> 01:17:41,680
Mmm, but we all
broke camp rules.

1156
01:17:41,690 --> 01:17:45,250
I did. I drank, did drugs,
I had sex, well kind of.

1157
01:17:45,260 --> 01:17:47,390
Yeah, and the camp
director's not dead.

1158
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:50,260
Well, fuck.

1159
01:17:50,700 --> 01:17:52,029
Let's play the tape.

1160
01:17:52,030 --> 01:17:53,030
Oh yeah.

1161
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,149
To live a life free of sin,

1162
01:18:15,150 --> 01:18:17,790
it is not enough
to follow the rules.

1163
01:18:18,220 --> 01:18:21,420
The moral and just answers
to life's difficult questions

1164
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:24,859
lie within you and you found
ways to ignore and twist them,

1165
01:18:24,860 --> 01:18:28,060
to serve your
selfish desires but deep down,

1166
01:18:28,070 --> 01:18:30,769
you know what is correct.

1167
01:18:30,770 --> 01:18:35,200
"JAMES 4:17," If you do
not do what you know is right,

1168
01:18:35,210 --> 01:18:39,809
you have sinned." Now, excuse
me, is that a tape recorder?

1169
01:18:39,810 --> 01:18:42,779
Director McFuffer,
my parents said I had an exception.

1170
01:18:42,780 --> 01:18:46,149
I record everything so I can
study it later and get it perfect.

1171
01:18:46,150 --> 01:18:49,219
There are no
exemptions at Camp Pocumtuck.

1172
01:18:49,220 --> 01:18:51,920
Electronic devices
will not be tolerated.

1173
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,459
Your parents
warned me about your lies.

1174
01:18:54,460 --> 01:18:56,789
Your selfish desire has twisted

1175
01:18:56,790 --> 01:18:58,929
your moral truth.

1176
01:18:58,930 --> 01:19:03,969
That's makes you our first
addition to the Board of Sin.

1177
01:19:03,970 --> 01:19:07,339
If you do not do
what you know is right,

1178
01:19:07,340 --> 01:19:10,269
your picture goes up here.
What's your name?

1179
01:19:10,270 --> 01:19:12,409
But I'm not lying.
They told me that...

1180
01:19:12,410 --> 01:19:14,280
What's your name?

1181
01:19:15,050 --> 01:19:16,780
Miriam Kleingeist, sir.

1182
01:19:17,220 --> 01:19:18,950
Step up here, Miriam.

1183
01:19:21,120 --> 01:19:23,919
The only way to
get off the Board of Sin

1184
01:19:23,920 --> 01:19:25,819
is to report a sin.

1185
01:19:25,820 --> 01:19:27,989
What the Nazi Germany fuck?

1186
01:19:27,990 --> 01:19:31,859
- Do you have a sin to report, Miriam?
- No, sir.

1187
01:19:31,860 --> 01:19:35,799
How does he expect to police
the reporting of other's sins

1188
01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:39,399
especially when the incentive is
so high to report a false sin?

1189
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:43,409
Reports of false sin just to get off the
Board of Sin, is the gravest sin of all

1190
01:19:43,410 --> 01:19:47,909
and God will tell me
if you do something so heinous.

1191
01:19:47,910 --> 01:19:50,250
Stop it, stop it, stop it!

1192
01:19:51,220 --> 01:19:54,220
Miriam, I'll need
to be confiscating that.

1193
01:19:56,550 --> 01:20:01,820
So everybody who was
zombied just didn't do

1194
01:20:01,830 --> 01:20:03,290
what they knew was right?

1195
01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:06,160
Yep.

1196
01:20:08,230 --> 01:20:11,269
Cheating, okay sure.

1197
01:20:11,270 --> 01:20:15,169
But man of honor fail,
unprofessional.

1198
01:20:15,170 --> 01:20:17,309
I don't know, that stripper,
man, he could have saved us

1199
01:20:17,310 --> 01:20:19,509
but he decided to save
his own ass instead.

1200
01:20:19,510 --> 01:20:21,179
And also
Gore forgot the grapefruits.

1201
01:20:21,180 --> 01:20:23,249
I highly doubt it
was the grapefruits.

1202
01:20:23,250 --> 01:20:26,119
He probably got an
ultimatum text just like Trask

1203
01:20:26,120 --> 01:20:30,950
and even he had to know that cheating
on his wife to get VP is just,

1204
01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:32,860
you know, fucked up.

1205
01:20:33,930 --> 01:20:35,190
Wait a flippin' second.

1206
01:20:41,230 --> 01:20:43,930
It wasn't the camp
director that pitted the kids

1207
01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:45,399
against each other.

1208
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:46,839
It was the drowned girl.

1209
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:48,600
She needed a sin to report

1210
01:20:48,610 --> 01:20:50,970
to get off the board.

1211
01:20:50,980 --> 01:20:54,379
But she reported like six sins
and she's still on the board.

1212
01:20:54,380 --> 01:20:57,579
Because the
religion Nazi camp director

1213
01:20:57,580 --> 01:20:59,280
has to approve it.

1214
01:21:00,450 --> 01:21:03,489
We need to open up
a channel to her spirit

1215
01:21:03,490 --> 01:21:05,319
and then call
the camp director...

1216
01:21:05,320 --> 01:21:07,489
But the camp
director is in prison

1217
01:21:07,490 --> 01:21:09,230
according to the website.

1218
01:21:09,460 --> 01:21:13,899
Well, all that matters
is that she believes it.

1219
01:21:13,900 --> 01:21:16,329
One of us can pretend
we're the camp director

1220
01:21:16,330 --> 01:21:18,599
and let her know
she's off the hook.

1221
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:20,499
Or we could pretend to be God

1222
01:21:20,500 --> 01:21:22,400
and tell her to go to hell.

1223
01:21:22,410 --> 01:21:24,540
How hard is it
to open a channel?

1224
01:21:25,410 --> 01:21:27,940
WikiHow, don't fail me now.

1225
01:21:32,580 --> 01:21:35,449
Circle of salts, silver amulets,

1226
01:21:35,450 --> 01:21:37,989
blessed prayer shawls, serpents?

1227
01:21:37,990 --> 01:21:39,489
Where are we going
to source all this stuff?

1228
01:21:39,490 --> 01:21:41,189
We can improvise.

1229
01:21:41,190 --> 01:21:44,059
In the spirit realm,
it's the thought that counts.

1230
01:21:44,060 --> 01:21:45,930
Is that real or
a Tweet you wrote?

1231
01:22:37,950 --> 01:22:39,679
Attention, there is

1232
01:22:39,680 --> 01:22:42,949
a dangerous, toxic gas
leak near the wedding venue

1233
01:22:42,950 --> 01:22:44,389
and we must postpone.

1234
01:22:44,390 --> 01:22:47,420
Please, for your safety,
stay away from the camp.

1235
01:22:47,430 --> 01:22:49,189
We have all been evacuated.

1236
01:22:49,190 --> 01:22:51,959
I am so sorry for this
last-minute cancellation.

1237
01:22:51,960 --> 01:22:54,960
Love, Mia and Dalvero,
#MiaCampWedding.

1238
01:23:08,610 --> 01:23:11,380
Oh God, gluten-free
almost tomahawked me.

1239
01:23:12,150 --> 01:23:14,180
Did you find any prayer shawls?

1240
01:23:14,320 --> 01:23:15,989
They didn't do
"Fiddler on the Roof".

1241
01:23:15,990 --> 01:23:17,989
It's okay, I got backup.

1242
01:23:17,990 --> 01:23:21,220
First, I need
to smudge the whole place.

1243
01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:22,290
You guys can set up the altar.

1244
01:23:22,291 --> 01:23:24,430
I thought I was smudging.

1245
01:23:24,730 --> 01:23:26,560
Who needs to chill the fuck out?

1246
01:23:32,240 --> 01:23:33,499
Does that count?

1247
01:23:33,500 --> 01:23:35,170
It's herbal.

1248
01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:38,740
Where's the salt?

1249
01:23:39,240 --> 01:23:40,140
Use the Bloody Eight.

1250
01:23:40,141 --> 01:23:41,680
It's loaded with sodium.

1251
01:23:44,050 --> 01:23:46,079
Who has a serpent?

1252
01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:47,649
Uh, they're
fertility symbols, so...

1253
01:23:47,650 --> 01:23:49,350
Use the prenatal vitamins.

1254
01:23:53,420 --> 01:23:54,720
We need to barricade the door.

1255
01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:02,329
Put these on
and really treat them

1256
01:24:02,330 --> 01:24:03,630
like sacred garments.

1257
01:24:07,640 --> 01:24:10,540
Now form a crescent
around the idol.

1258
01:24:14,080 --> 01:24:15,080
Oh.

1259
01:24:20,050 --> 01:24:22,819
Present the sacred
object of the spirit

1260
01:24:22,820 --> 01:24:23,820
to the idol.

1261
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,800
Now we hold hands and
chant something of meaning.

1262
01:24:39,070 --> 01:24:41,300
And what the fuck would that be?

1263
01:24:42,440 --> 01:24:44,410
Shit, look.

1264
01:24:47,810 --> 01:24:49,110
What's the tune?

1265
01:24:52,620 --> 01:24:54,450
I don't know, I'll improvise.
Just follow me.

1266
01:25:02,860 --> 01:25:04,760
Did you go to camp?

1267
01:25:05,760 --> 01:25:06,760
Maybe folk it up a bit.

1268
01:25:14,810 --> 01:25:17,239
Come on, we have to do this
together or it won't work.

1269
01:25:17,240 --> 01:25:22,410
Exactly. And how am I supposed
to believe that this is sacred?

1270
01:25:23,110 --> 01:25:24,850
What do you need to believe?

1271
01:25:27,590 --> 01:25:29,280
Don't even touch it.

1272
01:25:30,390 --> 01:25:32,450
It's not a bad idea.

1273
01:25:33,620 --> 01:25:35,259
You can sew it back together.

1274
01:25:35,260 --> 01:25:37,230
It's not like it fits.

1275
01:25:42,470 --> 01:25:43,869
You slept with Dalvero.

1276
01:25:43,870 --> 01:25:45,399
Oh my God,
we're going to do this now?

1277
01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:47,139
While we were together.

1278
01:25:47,140 --> 01:25:48,169
He told me.

1279
01:25:48,170 --> 01:25:49,269
Did he?

1280
01:25:49,270 --> 01:25:51,639
Did you ever
think he made that up

1281
01:25:51,640 --> 01:25:54,209
to save face
because you told him

1282
01:25:54,210 --> 01:25:57,550
that you hooked up with some
guy on Memorial Day weekend?

1283
01:25:58,620 --> 01:26:00,249
We never had sex.

1284
01:26:00,250 --> 01:26:02,719
I told him that you
were the type of person

1285
01:26:02,720 --> 01:26:07,759
to snoop through his emails
and he didn't believe me.

1286
01:26:07,760 --> 01:26:10,589
So then he did the slow
fade from my life

1287
01:26:10,590 --> 01:26:13,829
and I guess forgot to
uninvite me to the wedding

1288
01:26:13,830 --> 01:26:18,369
because I'm his,
was his best friend.

1289
01:26:18,370 --> 01:26:20,669
I guess I didn't
encourage the friendship.

1290
01:26:20,670 --> 01:26:23,210
You think?

1291
01:26:42,630 --> 01:26:44,729
Let's do this shit,
motherfuckers.

1292
01:26:44,730 --> 01:26:46,599
- Yeah.
- May I try the song?

1293
01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:47,600
Yes.

1294
01:27:03,450 --> 01:27:06,879
- We're in.
- Who's gonna do the douche boy?

1295
01:27:11,820 --> 01:27:13,990
- Miriam?
- Yeah?

1296
01:27:14,430 --> 01:27:16,890
Do you have a sin to report?

1297
01:27:17,630 --> 01:27:21,799
Are you pretending
to be Director Mudfusher?

1298
01:27:21,800 --> 01:27:22,930
He's a butthole.

1299
01:27:26,570 --> 01:27:28,969
I reported tons of sins
and it's not working.

1300
01:27:28,970 --> 01:27:30,740
You have to help me
get to my parents.

1301
01:27:31,240 --> 01:27:34,309
Miriam, I know this
is going to be really hard

1302
01:27:34,310 --> 01:27:36,609
for you to understand
but you got struck by lightning

1303
01:27:36,610 --> 01:27:41,280
- and you didn't survive.
- No, duh.

1304
01:27:43,350 --> 01:27:44,619
Tell your minions to stand down.

1305
01:27:44,620 --> 01:27:46,619
I don't know how
to possess people.

1306
01:27:46,620 --> 01:27:49,320
That's the pilgrim witch girls.

1307
01:27:49,330 --> 01:27:51,890
They want more friends to play
their really, boring games with.

1308
01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:56,799
There are no one else
from the astral plane

1309
01:27:56,800 --> 01:27:59,499
that these pilgrim girls
can play with?

1310
01:27:59,500 --> 01:28:02,300
No one who died on the site
of an Indian massacre

1311
01:28:02,310 --> 01:28:04,010
and are trapped
in a liminal vortex.

1312
01:28:04,840 --> 01:28:06,509
You have to help me
get off the board

1313
01:28:06,510 --> 01:28:08,310
or your friends are goners.

1314
01:28:10,780 --> 01:28:12,710
Oh, no fucking duh.

1315
01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:14,580
We just have to get her
Polaroid off the board.

1316
01:28:14,590 --> 01:28:16,319
That's cheating.

1317
01:28:16,320 --> 01:28:18,719
You can't shoot them,
they're kind of alive.

1318
01:28:18,720 --> 01:28:20,059
Even if
they're going to kill us?

1319
01:28:20,060 --> 01:28:21,560
You guys, butterfly nets.

1320
01:28:29,930 --> 01:28:33,039
- Mmm, I wouldn't do that.
-Why the fuck not?

1321
01:28:33,040 --> 01:28:36,569
If you leave, they'll probably just
have your friends kill themselves.

1322
01:28:36,570 --> 01:28:39,039
They only need them alive
to hunt the rest of you down.

1323
01:28:39,040 --> 01:28:42,340
- And you can't stop them?
- Not trapped in this thing.

1324
01:28:42,350 --> 01:28:44,749
But they need me to connect with
you guys through your telephones.

1325
01:28:44,750 --> 01:28:47,980
- They don't get technology at all.
- What are we going to do?

1326
01:28:47,990 --> 01:28:50,549
- Phones won't work in the water. -No.
- Good idea.

1327
01:28:50,550 --> 01:28:52,919
No, no, no. I don't like
the lake. Stop, I'm scared!

1328
01:28:52,920 --> 01:28:55,320
They were so mean.
I just wrote the notes.

1329
01:28:55,330 --> 01:28:58,629
I didn't make 'em do anything.
I'd never been in trouble before.

1330
01:28:58,630 --> 01:29:00,659
Did it ever occur to you
that maybe your parents

1331
01:29:00,660 --> 01:29:02,460
just didn't tell them
about the exemption?

1332
01:29:02,470 --> 01:29:05,669
Take me back to camp or
I'll report your sin right now.

1333
01:29:05,670 --> 01:29:07,099
What sin?

1334
01:29:07,100 --> 01:29:09,040
Lying.
You did sleep with Dalvero.

1335
01:29:10,570 --> 01:29:11,870
Do you have proof?

1336
01:29:11,880 --> 01:29:13,879
November 15th, 2008.

1337
01:29:13,880 --> 01:29:15,779
It's in your MS Word journal
and you wrote

1338
01:29:15,780 --> 01:29:17,379
- a lot of poetry about it.
- Wow.

1339
01:29:17,380 --> 01:29:19,350
I was just
starting to warm up to you.

1340
01:29:20,980 --> 01:29:24,919
It was undergrad
and I was a virgin

1341
01:29:24,920 --> 01:29:27,489
and I didn't tell him and
he freaked out midway through

1342
01:29:27,490 --> 01:29:31,830
so defining it as full-stop
sex is like a stretch, okay?

1343
01:29:34,400 --> 01:29:36,999
It was awkward and
then we became friends

1344
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:42,040
and I have a hard time
making and keeping friends

1345
01:29:42,540 --> 01:29:44,970
so this wedding
felt like the death nail.

1346
01:29:44,980 --> 01:29:47,780
So sue me for not
being totally honest.

1347
01:29:49,110 --> 01:29:50,749
You lied, too.

1348
01:29:50,750 --> 01:29:51,810
Who?

1349
01:29:51,820 --> 01:29:52,880
Both of you.

1350
01:29:57,390 --> 01:30:00,860
No!
We can't help you if we're dead.

1351
01:30:03,560 --> 01:30:04,560
Oh!

1352
01:30:12,970 --> 01:30:14,540
We could swim.

1353
01:30:16,470 --> 01:30:17,909
Oh, that's why
you failed Quantico.

1354
01:30:17,910 --> 01:30:18,910
It's a phobia.

1355
01:30:19,740 --> 01:30:21,540
Miriam, I have a sin to report.

1356
01:30:21,550 --> 01:30:22,909
You don't have to trick anyone.

1357
01:30:22,910 --> 01:30:24,510
Maybe that'll
get you off the board.

1358
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:25,450
What?

1359
01:30:25,451 --> 01:30:30,119
Mia, I knew
the email was a mistake

1360
01:30:30,120 --> 01:30:34,859
but I wanted to force
a fren-a-ssance. -Um...

1361
01:30:34,860 --> 01:30:37,860
And exploit your opera fame
to get my career back on track.

1362
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:41,530
But I really think we connected and
not because you're just teaching.

1363
01:30:41,970 --> 01:30:44,129
But I knew the right
thing to do was to ask you

1364
01:30:44,130 --> 01:30:46,970
if it was a mistake
and I didn't.

1365
01:30:48,710 --> 01:30:49,910
Sinner.

1366
01:30:57,050 --> 01:30:59,610
Fuck, it didn't work.

1367
01:30:59,620 --> 01:31:01,720
Maybe you all have to do it?

1368
01:31:03,650 --> 01:31:06,690
Uh, I didn't send the stay
away from the wedding email.

1369
01:31:07,660 --> 01:31:11,659
Seriously? Do you just want your friends
and family to show up to this shit storm

1370
01:31:11,660 --> 01:31:14,159
in case we pull off an
eight-way exorcism. Oh my God.

1371
01:31:14,160 --> 01:31:16,930
So this isn't
just my wedding, okay?

1372
01:31:19,100 --> 01:31:21,940
It's an audition for a wedding-planning
position at Bride Boheme.

1373
01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:27,079
My opera career is over.
Okay, fine, it never even started.

1374
01:31:27,080 --> 01:31:29,780
I just started lying
about it on social media but...

1375
01:31:32,120 --> 01:31:34,120
I have to do
something with my life.

1376
01:31:35,190 --> 01:31:37,120
I can't just be somebody's wife.

1377
01:31:39,960 --> 01:31:40,960
Wow.

1378
01:31:42,490 --> 01:31:44,030
Send the fucking email!

1379
01:31:50,030 --> 01:31:51,230
What more do we have to do?

1380
01:31:51,240 --> 01:31:53,739
I, I cannot die!

1381
01:31:53,740 --> 01:31:56,839
Oh, duh, full ceremony.

1382
01:31:56,840 --> 01:31:57,840
What?

1383
01:31:59,640 --> 01:32:00,640
No, no, no.

1384
01:32:02,810 --> 01:32:03,980
Say cheese.

1385
01:32:10,150 --> 01:32:11,750
We could still swim.

1386
01:32:11,990 --> 01:32:15,120
Miriam forced Paulette's sin
out of her, but not yours.

1387
01:32:15,130 --> 01:32:16,730
No, no, no! Fuck.

1388
01:32:19,060 --> 01:32:24,170
Um, sorry, that job at
Bride Boheme, that's all me.

1389
01:32:25,300 --> 01:32:28,669
- But you didn't cause our email mix-up.
- I, yeah.

1390
01:32:28,670 --> 01:32:29,700
That was me, too.

1391
01:32:32,010 --> 01:32:35,110
When I was ten years old, I stole a
chocolate milk from the liquor store.

1392
01:32:37,010 --> 01:32:39,210
And I set a cat on fire
and I blamed it on neighbor boy

1393
01:32:39,220 --> 01:32:41,820
and he went to juvie
and I knew it was wrong.

1394
01:32:43,290 --> 01:32:44,290
No!

1395
01:32:45,790 --> 01:32:48,220
You have to sin at the camp.

1396
01:32:51,860 --> 01:32:54,829
Am I supposed to report myself?

1397
01:32:54,830 --> 01:32:55,999
Ugh.

1398
01:32:56,000 --> 01:32:59,269
Maybe I lied

1399
01:32:59,270 --> 01:33:01,000
about the electronics exemption.

1400
01:33:18,120 --> 01:33:20,019
He didn't make it, so sorry.

1401
01:33:20,020 --> 01:33:22,660
Maybe we can apply to that
preschool in Carol Gardens?

1402
01:33:23,690 --> 01:33:26,999
You're fired. Kidding.
You need a vacation.

1403
01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:30,230
I've got a perfect new account
akumenang.com

1404
01:33:33,040 --> 01:33:35,839
Shit! That was meant for Dax.
We were going to surprise you

1405
01:33:35,840 --> 01:33:37,970
turning the brew room
into a nursery

1406
01:33:37,980 --> 01:33:39,609
and then he got tickets to
the Yankees' game

1407
01:33:39,610 --> 01:33:41,139
but totally
doing it next weekend.

1408
01:33:41,140 --> 01:33:43,809
Toxic gas?
I hope you're all okay.

1409
01:33:43,810 --> 01:33:46,979
- No worries.
-We're staying away in our rental car.

1410
01:33:46,980 --> 01:33:48,950
- Did you try Gas-X?
- Smirk.

1411
01:33:54,190 --> 01:33:55,620
Is everyone alive?

1412
01:34:00,630 --> 01:34:04,869
Okay, Mia, I mean,
she's totally great.

1413
01:34:04,870 --> 01:34:06,639
I approve.

1414
01:34:06,640 --> 01:34:08,140
Can we just be friends again?

1415
01:34:10,670 --> 01:34:11,340
Jefferson's alive.

1416
01:34:11,340 --> 01:34:12,340
Oh!

1417
01:34:15,010 --> 01:34:19,279
- Alexis, are you pregnant?
- I didn't want to upstage you.

1418
01:34:19,280 --> 01:34:21,780
Stop, that's amazing!

1419
01:34:21,790 --> 01:34:23,719
- Boo?
- Boo.

1420
01:34:23,720 --> 01:34:24,720
Oh my God, my dress.

1421
01:34:28,730 --> 01:34:30,830
25 minutes? Deal?

1422
01:34:31,960 --> 01:34:32,990
Why is it daytime?

1423
01:34:42,070 --> 01:34:43,070
Hey.

1424
01:34:44,070 --> 01:34:45,070
Hey.

1425
01:34:49,950 --> 01:34:51,950
Okay, phone time over.

1426
01:34:52,420 --> 01:34:57,989
- Let's make this wedding happen.
- But nobody's coming.

1427
01:34:57,990 --> 01:35:00,220
If you actually love each other,
does it matter?

1428
01:35:00,760 --> 01:35:02,459
And you have
a pretty strong case

1429
01:35:02,460 --> 01:35:04,289
to contest your Airbnb fees.

1430
01:35:04,290 --> 01:35:05,890
You can use the money
to throw a party

1431
01:35:05,900 --> 01:35:07,729
in the city for
the obligatories.

1432
01:35:07,730 --> 01:35:10,399
And I can probably Molly
Ringwald this into something.

1433
01:35:10,400 --> 01:35:11,330
What about Bride Boheme?

1434
01:35:11,331 --> 01:35:12,800
Oh, it's okay.

1435
01:35:14,400 --> 01:35:15,939
Paulette is actually right.

1436
01:35:15,940 --> 01:35:19,039
If we're going to have a wedding,
we should do it because we love each other

1437
01:35:19,040 --> 01:35:21,240
and we have
really great friends.

1438
01:35:25,750 --> 01:35:27,950
- Oh my God!
- What?

1439
01:35:30,420 --> 01:35:32,790
You accepted my friend request.

1440
01:37:10,950 --> 01:37:12,219
Five more minutes.

1441
01:37:12,220 --> 01:37:14,460
Five more minutes,
five more minutes.

1442
01:37:18,250 --> 01:37:26,250
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