Thread 56: Stories 61-75

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>Pommel
"Celestia"
~~

It surprised him how, even after all this time, he remembered how to march when staying next to her.

>So, Princess Celestia-

"You don't have to be quite so formal, after what you've been through. I'll forgive a little lack of etiquette."

Shrugging while walking when you are a four legged individual is, as it turns out, hard to do weirdly enough.

>Would be weird calling you just Celestia.

"Well, I suppose I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

>...But would it be alright if I asked a question?

"By all means! I'm sure you must be wondering quite a lot."

>And I am, yeah, lots to wonder about, but mostly right now I'm kind of hung up on the guards we've been passing by.

"Oh? Why? Are you really that surprised they're happy to see you? Come now, your self image is terrible."

>No no! Nothing like that, I'm glad to watch them get excited and all that, makes me feel really special, but I'm just wondering about the amount.

"...Oh. I see..."

He slowed, just a bit.

>You, uh, you went quiet there for a second.

"Well, as I'm sure you've noticed, the military has recently suffered a bit of a shortage of available staff due to the increasing demand and aftereffects of recent events concerning the invasion. While I understand the concern, Equestria remains well protected despite this, and we are striving to fill any shortages as quickly as we can and to rewards those who fought bravely in their time of service."

Finally, he came to a full stop.

>...Princess? Please, please do not take this in an insulting way, I beg of you, but I know 'politic talk' when I hear it, and I know that particular flavor of 'no, everything is not alright, but I need to use flowery language to make it sound alright' talk too. So... how bad is it?

She was far, far too good at this to ever do something as telling as flinch, or show any body language to spell it out. However, her being quiet strangely said just as much as either of those.

>...Ouch, really?

"The trauma of seeing their friends and family turned against them, coupled with the fact they have been feeling increasingly useless in staving off the recent threats to the kingdom has resulted in a... certain mindset prevailing and spreading, I'm afraid."

She put on her best warm smile once more, gently nudging him back into moving forwards once more.

"No not worry yourself. As I said, we are quite well protected regardless, any threat that could come to our doorstep would find quite the collection of impressive beings to face if they wished to conquer the kingdom."

>Well, yeah, but like... we need the guard for just regular patrolling and stuff...

Again, she would not flinch, but there was something there underneath that smile.

"As I said, do not worry yourself with it. Just focus on readjusting back to being home once more, and let me worry about that. It is my job, after all."

>I... I guess. Still, maybe I should-

"Now don't you make any offers right now. You've had a long, long trip and you deserve some rest! If only for me, please, try to relax a bit and enjoy being back."

>Well... can't really say no to that...

"Good. Now, off you go!"

She nudged him once more, pushing him towards a carriage ready to be pulled.

>Oh... to where?

"Don't you know? I figured you would like to go see your parents as soon as possible, I'm sure your little sister will be thrilled."

>...Oh... h-heh, yeah, right... parents.. home... should probably have stopped there first...

"We all make mistakes, off you go!"

Magically, she moved him into the carriage, and with a signal they were off.

As he disappeared into the distance, she let out a long, slow, tired breath.

But it was not one that was... completely melancholy.

"Welcome home, little soldier..."

...But it was not devoid of those feeling either.

"...I'm sorry it isn't exactly as you left it..."

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NC
~~

'Jerks, didn't have to just tell me to go away. Really, how much could I have-HOLYFUCKINGHIVEMINDINTHEDEPTHSOFTARTARUS!'

[Fuck off, asshole! I'm in a bad mood!]

*STOMPSTOMPSTOMP!*

'....How many painkillers and I on, and how strong could they possibly be that I would see GODDAMN CHITANIA WALKING THE HALLS WITH A BOOK!?...FUCKING NOPE!'

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Non-canon
>Pinkie
"SA"
~~~~

>Welcome to late night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! My producer has upped our budget since we got a good rating. Now for our main guest...SHINING ARMOR!!!

"I don't remember coming-"

>I can ask our guest a Question now! So Shining, is your harem going to increase any further?

"Um-"

>And that's it for tonight. A Question. Thanks for being our guest Shining.

"Huh? But-"

>Oh before I forget...
Pinkie kicks him in the crotch.

"Ughhhh...why?"

>Your suffering could increase our ratings. People seem to like it. You're welcome to wake up now.

Shining wakes up in his bed.
"...I knew I shouldn't have eaten those tea biscuits Cadence passed to me. I should have known better."

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 >Applejack
“Jetset”
~~~~

>Jet?

“Yes, my liege?”

>Well now, see, what wit’ everyone comin’ to me, firin’ off questions faster than Charity, Ah’m startin’ to have questions of mah own.

“I see. And what ponders your mind? Whatever it is, I shall do all within me to answer it.”

>Ah know ya will, sugarcube. So tell me… why in tarnation are y’all drappin’ this big ol’ tarp over mah back?!

“…reasons.”

>What reasons could there possibly be? An’… why’re y’all blushin’ like that?

“I am not blushing, ma’am. I’m just… anyway, as I’m sure you already know, while you’ve whiled away your vacation at the farm, I’ve noticed your sudden… increase in appetite.”

>Yeah, an’? Ain’t no cookin’ like granny’s, Jet. That don’t explain nothin’.

“Getting to that. Ahem… now, as I’m also sure you’re fully aware of, you were already, uh… filled out quite nicely, but all this extra eating has given your already ample assets a little more padding. So to speak.”

>…Boy, are y’all sayin’ mah rear done got bigger?

“Gnh….”

>Thassa yes then… shucks, guess that can’t be helped, can’t say no to some homemade pie, hawh. Whatta ‘bout mah hips, they any wider? Am Ah gainin’ on Celly?

“Mnnngh…”

>Ah see, ah see… Welp, nothin’ fer’ it, Ah reckon. Never hid mah figure before an’ Ah’ll be danged if Ah start now. Jus’ gotta try not to swing the ol’ flanks around as mu-

THUD!

>…annnn’ he fainted. Totally forgot ‘bout his mare complex. ...Wait, so does that make this my fault? Ah feel like it’s my fault.

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OMAKE!
>AJ
"Big Mac"
~~~

"Hey, sis? Got a question."

>OH DEAR MERCY NO!

"...Right, jus' wonderin', why's everyone commin' ta' ask ya' questions now? They didn't used ta' a'fore."

>BECAUSE THEY LIKE SEEIN' ME SUFFER!

"...Really?"

>...

"Huh... so, about this here infrastructure-"

>NO!

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Ncomake

~~~~

"You know, you're right, friendship is quite amazing. And, I feel... this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

>...

'...'

"...What?"

>Uh... lightning just struck when you said that. It flashed lights and everything.

"Oh... Well, let me try that again... A-hem, we can do anything... when we work together."

*KRAKBOOOOOOM!*

'There it is again!'

"I swear it's a coincidence."

>Why are you smiling like that anyway!?

"Oh, no reason... One more time... you've got a friend in me-"

*BOOOM!*

>ACK! That one took out the whole west wing!

'Is this an omen!?'

"...Ah, no. I think that one was actually because of copyright infringement."

>...
'...'

"I don't care what universe we're in, Disney does not fuck around."

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NCOmake
>Watchdog
"Spitfire"

"This is probably the lowest I've ever sunk. Ousted from my job, made a bitch for the better part of a year, now I'm unemployed and drinking with a horrifying mechanical abomination."

>Hurtful.

"Just stating facts."

>It could be worse, you know.

"How? How could this get worse?"

>You could get turned into a horrifying mechanical abomination because someone wanted to make a video game reference.

"...point. *swig*"

>Hmm...think I can get fucked up even more to become a robo cop ripoff?

"Maybe?"

>Awesome! Hey who's got a shotgun!?

"...Even unemployed I'm still surrounded by idiots...*swig*"

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OMAKE!
>Twilight
"Vekir"
'Daw'
~~~

>OKAY, HOW!? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO FIT AN ENTIRE TANK INSIDE OF THAT SACK!?

"Vekir does not know what you mean! Vekir stole nothing, right pie full of rats?"

'It's pirate you bloomin'... and agreed, that was always there, found it in the farthest corner of Stalliongrad, I did!'

>IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!

'Gasp! The princess herself, hoofin' out tanks? The scandal of it all! Don't ya' worry princess, I'll keep this under wraps!'

>...

"...Vekir suddenly feels very cold."

'Little gal, remember what I said to do if she looked like she was going to kill you?'

"Bail?"

'You are a smart one... NGH!'

"WAIT! VEKIR'S SUIT IS NOT FIXED!"

*HIISSSSS*

'...Whoops.'

>HOLY FUCK!

'This is all your fault.'

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Omake
>Pinkie
"SA"
~~~

>HA! HA HA HA! I TOTALLY FOUND A LOOPHOLE, JERK! SCREENTIME ONCE MORE!

"...Good?"

>You may have your own little side stories, but they're nothing compared to me! HA HA! I don't care if you have breakfast club, or movie night, or DnD or....

"...It's actually OnO-"

>Let me join you, please, I need this.

"I... I don't think-"

>I WANNA BE A MAIN CHARACTER AGAIN! BRING BACK PARTYLAND!

"...Dear god no..."

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~~~~

[Hey, Shiny? Have you seen my-OH DEAR SWEET CELESTIA FUCKING THE SUN!]

"I had to do it, Twili! I HAD TO DO IT!"

[SHINY! You... you smothered her!]

"I HAD TO DO IT!"

[WHY!?]

"SHE WANTED TO TAKE US BACK TO PARTYLAND!"

[...I understand, and I would have done the same.]

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Omake!
>41
"SP"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...I... am about to LOSE! MY! SHIT!

"You know, maybe she's avoiding this because she doesn't want to-"

>SHE'S JUST WAITING UNTIL I GET FORGOTTEN, THEN BLAM! BOOM! BLOOD SMEARED ALL OVER THE WALL! GORE SPRAYING EVERY WHICH WAY AND COATING THIS PLACE FROM CORNER TO CORNER! DEAD! DEAD AS FUCK! I AM SO FUCKING DEAD IF WE HAD SEX YOU'D BE PREEMPTIVELY CHARGED WITH NECROPHILIA, THAT'S HOW DEAD I AM!

"...Interesting visuals..."

>DEEEAAADDD!

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[Chrysalis]
~~~~

[...I feel like I'm forgetting something... should be pretty important, actually... fuck, this is going to bug me all day...]

>SO FUCKING DEAD!

[WILL YOU SHUT UP! I'm trying to think here!...Fuck, lost my train of thought.]

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NCOMAKE!
>AJ
"Spike"
~~~~

>... Fine, get it outta yer' system.

"You won't get mad?"

>Ah' won't get mad, just go ahead and do it.

"You sure?"

>Ah'm sure. Go on.

"...Really?"

>JUST DO IT!

"... A-hem.... Look at that booty. Show me the booty. Gimme the booty. I want the booty. Back up tha booty. I need the booty. like the booty. Oh, what a booty. Shakin' that booty. I saw tha booty. I want the booty. Lord, what a booty. Bring on tha booty. Give up tha booty. Lovin' tha booty. Round booty. Down for tha booty. I want tha booty. Huntin' tha booty. Chasin' tha booty. Casing tha booty. Gettin' tha booty. Beautiful booty. Smokin' booty. Talk to tha booty. More booty. Fine booty~ "

>...Ah'm already regrettin' this...

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Then 56 walks by and joins in

"Booty Booty Booty Booty Booty Booty"

'Booty Booty Booty Booty Booty Booty'

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Non-Canon Pinkie Preview

>Pinkie
~~~~~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEM2nAldJNc

>Pommel is back, 77 continues regaling 88 our wonderful adventures, and I got myself a late night show!

>The Fanfic changeling struggles to find his slash fics. Applejack gets to fly to the castle. Pennydrop offers Celestia to take on a military contract to get droids into the royal guard. Stalliongrad attacks an Equestrian protected city-state leaving it's citizens begging for Equestrian intervention! Oh no! How will Applejack respond? Find out what happens in thread 57:Robbed Blind...and of course, Applejack fan service!

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