Midnight Butterfly, The Nameless One, and A Shared Dream

That dream felt so real... Under the sea of stars and crescent moon... With petals of [cherry blossom] falling from the tree.. And the sweet taste of Hangwa we shared... Even now, I still can feel the sweetness of that taste...

[hr]
I had a weird dream... A weird yet sweet dream... It all started with someone coming to the [shrine] at a certain morning..

Yoon-ah called me inside my room when I was opening my journal and looking at certain drawings which I always put inside my journal.. Realizing Yoon-ah enters my room, I hurriedly hide the drawing back into my journal.

With a grin, Yoon-ah told me a name which I haven't heard for a while, searching for me outside. Somehow, didn't believe my ears, I just pick my pouch and runs outside.. I don't know why, but my heart felt like it beats faster than usual.. I'm not sure why.. Maybe afraid that Yoon-ah words are just an empty prank? I don't know..

My heart beats even faster when I saw that the person is standing there on the [shrine]'s gate.. Someone who'd been filling a part of my heart for all these years. A special nameless someone.

I tried to keep my cool and approach him.. He asked me to spend some time with him or have some picnic with him while telling me he brought me some [sweets] he promised me.

I don't know why... I took him to a place where I spent my times alone during my childhood... A place I even kept away from my sister and brother, where I can be myself there without no one seeing... A place so dear for me... I can say, he's the first other person I took here...

[url=https://orig00.deviantart.net/d5f7/f/2016/213/f/d/english_valley_by_pidgyedits-dac8h64.jpg]Blue sky... Beautiful pink [cherry blossom] with wind slowly blowing the falling petals... The view of ocean a bit ahead... [/url]A pack of sweets... And him... Yes, this must be a dream... Everything seems too perfect... Way too perfect... It can't be real...

A pack filled of sweets.. He said he make it again after learn to make it few times. A lot of kind can be seen, but my hand goes directly to one sweets I always love.. Although not sure why, he seems a bit surprised.. I still remember the last time he gave me this sweets it taste not like this.. This one is way better.. Yes, this must be dream indeed..

Although, it did brings back memories.. When we had trip together and he ended up always the one cooking since he cook better then me. And how he react when he found out I can't eat anything that tastes blood, especially red meat.. He finished my portion to make sure I won't force myself to eat it.. Then he tried to search for other ingredients and make something to eat for me.. Although it is obvious, he's not used to make those kind of dishes.. It still makes me smile even now..

As if the missing time between us didn't happen, we ended up chat like it was yesterday.. About anything, just like the way we usually do..

How I missed these times.. When we can share just anything.. Things around us.. My plan after this.. And such.. Everything that happened this 3 to 4 years.. Just realize, we've been through a lot. And yet, we still have long path to go..

And for me, a path as a [priestess], [idol].. and a [bride] awaits...

...

One thing that make me sure that this is just a dream...

He told me the words I've been waiting all this time... The words I can only dreamt of... The words I can never believe it exists...

[i]"Kalau tiba-tiba.... aku bilang..... bahwa aku tertarik denganmu.... bagaimana?"[/i]

Even though this is a dream... I can feel my tears flowing when I heard those words... I always dreamt to hear him saying this words.. Waiting all this time... When will he return my feelings..

But...

Everything is too late now... And we can't turn back time...

All the feelings I've been kept all this time suddenly overflowing.. I told him all the stuff I've been kept all along as a secret.. My feelings which I say it through my songs... And how it was actually for him...

Somehow... I feel like maybe just now... Only at this moment... I can be a bit selfish... This is a dream right...?

I ask him to close his eyes...

And I did the same thing to him, a small selfish thing, which he did to me as well during that time in Xin Ye..

He looked surprised.. And I'm surprised as well with my self.. How can I did that easily??

Then, he told me the reason behind all this [sweets] he brought me.

[i]"Selamat ulang tahun BoA"[/i]

He told it with a grin. I... Don't know what to say... I can feel my eyes are about to cry again. He remember..

The last time we met when he brought a lot of [sweets], the big final battle which changes everything, it was in summer. And I did told him that my bithday is in summer.. But still... He remembers..

Hwanin... I know this is just a dream... But even in a dream, just this time.. I want to be a bit selfish.. Forgive me..

I asked him, if I may ask one more selfish request.. Just for today, accompany me here, in this place.. And he accepts it.

And suddenly, he asked me if he may ask something selfish just once.. I agreed, although a bit confused. He rarely ask something.. He asked me if I'm ready for his request, and I feel a bit confused..

But then, he approach me and hugged me. I feel like my heart is going to explode.

[i]"..... Terima kasih ya BoA..... telah menemaniku di perjalananku.... di saat aku sendiri dan kadang lelah dengan pencarian itu..... dan telah membuat ku mengalami perasaan ini......."[/i]

All those words... Somehow filled my heart with another feeling.. A weird feeling I never had before...

[i]"...Tau ngga...?"

"... Hmm? Apa?"

"...Ini pertama kalinya BoA bersyukur... Punya tanda ini..."
"...Kalo ngga mungkin ngga pernah ketemu Nergui Oppa..." *smiles*
"...BoA bersyukur sudah ketemu Nergui Oppa...Dan ngerasain perasaan ini..."[/i]

For the first time in my life.. I felt grateful I have this [mark]... I always feel cursed and forsaken by the [spirita] and [Gods] for [Them] giving me this [mark]...

But suddenly.. I feel grateful.. Because of this [mark], I met him, and the others..

And we continue our chat.. And he told me about his plan to leave on an expedition far away.. I feel like my blood was drained..

But I can't tell him not to go... right..?

And our conversation continues.. And it feels like we slowly open every pages from the book of our feelings, and share it to each other.. Things we kept all this time.. From the beginning..

Slowly the sun sets.. As if telling me that our time here is closing to an end..

I... Don't want this to end yet...

So I ended up strengthen my will and dare myself to ask him to accompany me that night... Until the morning comes..

Prepared to hear a 'no' from him.. He said 'yes' instead...

We resume our conversation, and it goes everywhere.. As if we talked everything..

Until one point.. He asked me something impossible to fulfill.. My heart feels hurt.. But there's only one word I can say to answer his request...

[i]"...maaf..."[/i]

He appologized.

And as the night goes taller.. Under the crescent moon and sea of stars without no slight hint of cloud can be seen.. With petals of [cherry blossom] falling from the [cherry blossom] tree above us.. And the sweet taste of Hangwa we shared... We share our feelings and show it to each other.. All my feelings which I kept all this 3-4 years overflowing.. And his feelings than can't be shown anymore after this day felt...

...As if there is no tomorrow...

[hr]
I open my eyes the next morning with a weird feeling.. And somehow.. An urge to smile when founding him sleeping soundly not far..

Not long, he woke up and we prepare our return back. And spend our time together until the sun rises. Our last selfishness..

When the sun is up, we walk hand in hand 'till the very last.. Until we reach the place where people can see us.. Although it feels so hard for me to let go.. But we separate our hands..

Every step closing to the [shrine] felt heavier and heavier.. As if this is a final goodbye... I tried my best to keep my cool, and maintain my composure..

As we arrived near the [shrine], I can see Yoon-ah is waiting at the front gate. She just smile and greet us as if already waiting for us. After exchanging greetings, and chat for a while, he bid his farewell and leave the [shrine].

I watch him leave until his figure lost from my view, then goes inside the [shrine].

Farewell.. My long unrequited love..

And everything seems blurry...