First Times For Everything (ch4)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY $10+ PATRONS!

Believe me, I'm very guilt-ridden in leaving the previous chapter off like that. I hate having to think about these poor babies hurt as they are now in canon, let alone when they were actual babies.

Disclaimer: I do not own She-Ra.

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												Chapter 4. The Chasm Of Shadows

Adora scoops Catra into her arms and carries her back to the bedrooms that evening. Even though one of the adults informs her of a proper new bed that had been set up for Catra, Adora lies the girl down in her bed, the one they'd shared the night before. As Adora tries to make sure she's comfortable, she asks the caretakers to bring them some water.

Catra's new bed is right next to Adora's, but the space between their mattresses seems awfully big. For now though, Adora just stays by her side, too upset for supper, and not wanting to leave her side for a second.

When the water is brought to them, she thanks the man, who seems rather unsympathetic about Catra's condition. Adora leaves the bottle at the foot of the bed for now and tries to adjust the blankets and pillows for Catra's comfort. She knows she doesn't like being underneath the blankets that much, so Adora only pulls them up to cover Catra's legs. She carefully turns her friend's head for her so she won't put too much weight on her hair or one of her ears.

Adora sniffles for a while longer, and she reaches out to wipe as many of Catra's drying tears away as well. She still can't erase the image of her, suspended in the air, terrified beyond words as Shadow-Weaver threatened her.

Adora had always known Shadow-Weaver to be tougher on other kids than she was on Adora herself, but she'd never been this ruthless before.

/It's because she loves me so much,/ she reminds herself. /She just doesn't want me to get hurt. But I wish she wouldn't hurt other people to keep me safe. Especially not Catra.../

When Adora looks at her now, Catra looks even smaller than usual. The mattress seems too big for her, and the pillow seems to swallow her up. Her skin is a bit paler than usual too, and she keeps making little whimpering noises in her sleep.

Adora stays by her side for a while, only leaving for a moment to grab a clean shirt from the laundry stacks under her own bed. She changes out of the torn t-shirt, peeking beneath the under-shirt to find a few red marks on her skin. But they're already beginning to heal, and they don't hurt anymore.

She puts on her clean shirt and tosses the other into the trash; neither of them need the reminder of this scary day.

Adora returns to Catra's bedside and sits on the edge. She notices Catra's hand twitching slightly, her nails curling into the sheets before loosening and repeating.

Adora doesn't care if she gets scratched again. She reaches for Catra's hand right away and holds it gently, running her thumb over the back. Catra's fingers squeeze back a tiny bit. Adora lies herself down and curls up next to her.

"Sorry..."

She doesn't know why she feels like she should be apologizing, but she just does. Nothing that happened was either of their faults, but Adora just feels responsible somehow. Seeing Catra so scared and hurt was the worst feeling Adora had ever known. She doesn't ever want to see her that way ever again.

She stays by her side, holding her hand and snoozing for a while. Only when other children begin running into the room and changing for bed does Adora realize how late it's gotten. She isn't hungry for supper tonight. She just wants to stay here with Catra.

Before she knows it, lights have gone out, save for a few lanterns at the doorways. The usual nighttime chatter of the other children dwindles away as sounds of snoring rise up instead.

But Adora still can't bring herself to sleep. She's too worried about Catra.

It's a chilly night, so Adora presses close to her friend, still holding onto her hand. She feels Catra's fingers twitch again, and this time they give a full squeeze back.

Adora sits up just as Catra's eyes flutter open, blinking blearily up at the dark ceiling. In only seconds, Adora can see the fear creeping into them, so she gives her hand another squeeze and calls out softly to her.

"Catra? Hey, it's okay..."

The girl's ears flick up, and then flatten as her eyes turn to Adora. She gasps softly and yanks her hand away. Catra sits up quickly and begins scrambling away from her.

"N-No-" She lashes her tail, eyes wide and scared. "No-"

"C-Catra, wait!" Adora crawls after her, grabbing onto her wrist before she can fall back off the edge of the bed. "Calm down! It's okay! Shadow-Weaver isn't here. She won't hurt you anymore."

"No-!" Catra hisses for the first time since Adora had met her. Tears start to run down her face again, just like before. "Let me go!"

Catra wrenches herself free of Adora's grasp and jumps back, landing sloppily on the floor on her hands and knees. She must recognize the other new bed as hers, because she climbs up into it and curls into a tight ball, giving Adora her back. She shudders and cries quietly, refusing to look at her.

Adora is at a loss. Her heart hurts. Maybe Catra is too scared to be with her now because she's scared of Shadow-Weaver.

Adora moves slowly to the edge of her bed. The space between hers and Catra's seems like a big dark chasm of shadows. She shivers in the cold and pulls up her blanket around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry..." Her voice is tiny and cracked. Adora feels more tears coming down her face. "I-I'm sorry... she only hurt you... because of me..."

She clings onto the blankets, but keeps shivering anyway. She can tell Catra is too. She's still huddled up and shaking, from the cold and from the tears. Her tail starts to lash against the mattress. Adora is upset to think she's made Catra even sadder, or possibly angry. She sniffles, wipes her eyes, and bows her head.

"I'm sorry, Catra..."

The room is quiet for a moment, save for the sounds of other kids snoring. But Adora hears Catra's voice clearly.

"Stop it..."

Adora flinches.

"Huh...?"

Suddenly, Catra shoots up from where she'd been curled and whirls around to face her. And her eyes are streaming with tears so miserable it makes Adora's stomach hurt.

"I said stop it!" Catra wails. "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong! I'm the one who hurt you! The old hag was right! It's my fault! She should've hurt me more because... because I'm the one who hurt you first!"

The tears fall faster, and she bows her head under the weight of her guilt. Her ears droop all the way, and her nails dig into the sheets.

"I... I'm the one who's sorry... After you were so nice to me... I just hurt you... I'm the worst..."

Adora has never heard her talk so much all at once, but she hates that it's now. She hates that she finally gets to hear her voice, and it's for something like this. It's thick from crying and raspy from guilt, and all the words just cause Catra more pain.

Adora is only glad that Catra wasn't mad at or scared of her. But she still won't accept this either.

"Catra..." Adora inches to the edge of her bed. "It wasn't your fault. It was an accident. And I know that. I accept your apology, and it's okay. I promise."

Those two words cause Catra to flinch, but she slowly lifts her face again.

Adora reaches her hand out across that wide chasm between their beds. She wants to go to her, but Adora knows that won't change anything. Catra might just run away from her again if she still feels too ashamed.

She needs Catra to decide to come to her. Like when they'd first met. She wants Catra to make a move, too.

So Adora waits with her hand outstretched in the cold.

Even when her arm starts to shake, she doesn't withdraw it. She waits, letting Catra take all the time she needs.

Catra just keeps crying. Every once in a while she peeks up, but she can't seem to bring herself to look at Adora fully. She keeps apologizing, and Adora keeps responding gently.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault."

"I hurt you..."

"It was an accident."

"I don't deserve to stay with you..."

That's the one that makes Adora wince.

"Of course you do, Catra. I wanna keep being with you. We're best friends, remember? We're gonna be Force Cadets, and Captains, and Commanders together, right? I still wanna be with you, Catra. I always will."

Catra wipes her face as the crying gradually dies down. She lifts her head in the darkness, eyes glinting.

"Do... Do you promise...?"

Adora cracks a small, toothy grin.

"Yeah. I promise, Catra."

She reaches her hand out a little farther.

Catra doesn't budge. She looks her over carefully, as if she still can't believe Adora is real, or that she still wants to be her friend after what Catra had done. She curls her tail around herself, shivering in the cold darkness.

But Adora is warm. Catra wants to stay with her, too.

Adora's been waiting for her all this time.

Slowly, Catra lifts her hand, finding her fingers quivering. She retracts her claws as much as she can before reaching out to her.

She almost recoils a few times, because images of Shadow-Weaver and echoes of her booming voice flash through Catra's head.

She doesn't want to make her angry. She doesn't want to hurt Adora. All she wants is to feel warm and safe by her side forever.

And even though Catra had hurt her, Adora doesn't care. She still wants it, too. She still wants Catra.

Now Catra's tears fall for a different reason. She sniffs and whimpers as she reaches for that hand; the same hand that had been offered to her when she'd first arrived here, the hand that hadn't forced or trapped her, but had let Catra make her own decision.

She's chosen now. And she chooses Adora.

Catra reaches for her until the sharp tips of her nails brush gently over the soft pads of Adora's fingers.

But Adora never flinches or frowns. In fact, her smile only gets bigger. She's so happy Catra has chosen her, too.

She waits until Catra has moved her hand a little closer, until Adora can get a firm grip on her. She smiles and nods, then gives a slight tug. Catra smiles back.

As Adora pulls her, she leaps from her bed, clearing the chasm of shadows without touching them. Catra lands softly and safely in Adora's arms.

They roll back together in a tangle of arms and hair and blankets. The tears come to a stop, and the sobbing is exchanged for soft giggles.

Adora wraps her arms around Catra tightly. The other girl had been shivering alone on her bed without any blankets all this time, and Adora can feel the chill coming off her skin and clothes. But even in spite of all that, Catra is very warm.

And it's the same for her. Catra snuggles into Adora's warmth, breathing in her familiar scent, hugging her back. But she stops herself from clinging too tightly.

Adora can tell she's holding back. Catra's still shivering against her, and Adora knows she wants to be closer, but she doesn't want to hurt her again. Adora smiles and pulls her in, covering the distance Catra was too nervous to close.

"It's okay," she murmurs. "You don't have to hold back. Hug me as tight as you want, Catra! Cuz that's what I'm gonna do!" With this, she squeezes Catra to her with all her might, nestling her face into her messy black hair, brushing her cheek against the soft fur of her ear.

Catra tenses up for a second, but Adora doesn't relent.

And eventually Catra doesn't feel scared anymore. So she hugs her back like Adora had asked her to, sinking her claws into her shirt and balling her fists up before they can touch skin.

Catra presses herself as close as she can, hiding her face in Adora's shoulder. She starts to cry again, but it doesn't hurt this time.

Adora pulls the blankets up over Catra's shuddering back, making sure they aren't too tight, but just snug enough to keep away the cold air. She feels that familiar tail slipping across her side beneath the covers. It curls around her back and tries to bring Adora even closer.

Catra hugs her and cries until there are no tears left. Adora pets her hair and her back, and even scratches her ears a little bit.

Catra wants to relax and go to bed with her. But as she eases away, her eyes go down to Adora's stomach. Even though the torn shirt had been exchanged, she knows there must still be scratches underneath this one. Catra blinks up at her friend in the darkness and sniffles again.

"Adora... does it hurt...?"

Adora slides one of her hands down Catra's arm until she can find her hand. She loops their pinky fingers together.

"Nope. I promise."

"Do you... still wanna be my friend?"

"I do. I promise."

"Will you... stay with me... no matter what...?"

"I will. I promise."

Catra whimpers and gives a little squeeze back with her own pinky.

"I promise, too... I... I promise I'll try not to hurt you anymore. I promise I'll stay with you and be your friend no matter what. I'll really really try. I promise, Adora..."

Adora feels a wave of something warm and cozy in her chest.

"Thank you, Catra. Thank you for coming here, for being with me, and for being my best friend." She moves back a little until she can see Catra's different-colored eyes clearly. "And just remember; it doesn't matter what bad things happen. It doesn't matter what Shadow-Weaver or anyone else does to us. We'll have each other's backs. We'll look out for each other. Cuz that's what friends do." Adora bumps her nose gently against hers. "You'll always have me, Catra. I promise."

Catra can't think of what to say back. She's too happy for words. So she just nuzzles into Adora's cheek, letting her own scent rub off on her, hugging her as hard as she can. She doesn't ever want to let go. She can only hope Adora won't let her go either.

The two girls keep close that night, cuddled up warmly beneath the blankets and in each other's arms.

And they wake as they'd slept last night – together.

And they eat breakfast together.

And they play and train together.

And they bathe and eat supper together.

And they go back to sleep together.

For many many days and nights, they repeat the process.

Until one whole year has passed.

And then two.

And then three...

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A/N: One of the toughest parts of this fic to write is having baby Adora justify Shadow-Weaver's abusive actions, simply because she doesn't know any better :(

This concludes the first arc of the story! The next several chapters will follow Adora and Catra when they are several years older!