Assassination of a High School President (2008)

1
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You want to know the truth
about high school.

2
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:49,929
You've got to break it down
into its elements.

3
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:52,131
Unfortunately, at St. Donovan's,

4
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the periodic table is more crooked
than a case of scoliosis.

5
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Just give me the chance
and I'll set it all straight.

6
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Case in point, Spanish homework.

7
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"Dame un batido de esperma" does
not mean "take me to the airport".

8
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:13,551
It means,
"give me a sperm milkshake".

9
00:01:14,822 --> 00:01:19,124
And 22 kids gave that as an answer
in Spanish 3 last week.

10
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I'm not sure about the milkshake,

11
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but somebody is sure feeding us
something sticky.

12
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Every clique on campus is copying
the same damn homework.

13
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Burn-outs, pretty boys, drama-dorks,
jocks, debaters, player-haters,

14
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you name it.

15
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It's big all right.

16
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And I'm on it like pink rubber bands
on your little sister's braces.

17
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The name's Bobby Funke
I write for the paper.

18
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Wait, wait a second. Who?

19
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Bobby Funke.
I write for the paper.

20
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No, you don't.
I'm Tad Goltz,

21
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and I write for the paper.
You don't write for shit.

22
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Wait, aren't you the freshman
they tied to the snowman penis?

23
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:01,799
Sophomore.

24
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Bobby, you can't expect us
to give you a story like this

25
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when there's nothing written
and there's hardly proof.

26
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Look, Clara, I'm the best writer
you've got tell me differently.

27
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You've never finished an article.

28
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Well, then, do you want to go
to homecoming with me?

29
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No.

30
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Clara Diaz, editor in chief
and one tough cookie

31
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All I wanted was a taste

32
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Friedrich Nietzsche said,

33
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"What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger"

34
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But 10 buck says
Nietzsche never got a swirly

35
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I can't talk right now, Clara.

36
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Look, I feel really bad
about what happened.

37
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I know you're going
for that Northwestern program

38
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and I have an assignment for you.

39
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Take you to homecoming?
Heard you're going with Tad.

40
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- You know what Tad's short for, right?
- Theodore?

41
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No. Vagina.

42
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Look it up.

43
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I want you to write a story
on the student body president.

44
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- Really?
- Really.

45
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Just get it on paper this time, okay?

46
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Okay.

47
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Finally, my big break
It was just the story I needed

48
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to get into the Northwestern
Summer Journalism program

49
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Instead of delivering papers this summer,
I'd be well on my way to writing for them

50
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Give me a piece of loose leaf.

51
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Come on, give me a piece of loose leaf.

52
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Give me a pen.

53
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What happened to the last pen I gave you?

54
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Give me a pen, Funke. Give me a pen.

55
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Just take it.

56
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Everybody paid attention when
Francesca Fachini walked into a classroom

57
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She was the national merit scholar,

58
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the varsity soccer captain,
and the president's girlfriend

59
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I'd interview her for the story,
just as soon as I grew some testicles

60
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What?

61
00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:24,103
I'm fine. How are you?

62
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The president was a busy man,
an important man,

63
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and he was about to give me
the story of my high-school career

64
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Could you please state your name,
year and Social Security number?

65
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Paul Moore, I'm a senior.

66
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I'm not going to give you my Soc.

67
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Aren't you the freshman
they tied to the snowman penis?

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Sophomore.

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As president, how would you say
you are going to handle

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the recent drop in ACT and SAT scores?

71
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Well, what would you have me do about it?

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Seriously, you've seen me on the boards.
I'll do whatever it takes it get it done.

73
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And that's a Paul Moore promise.
To you, to St. Donovan's.

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To Paul Moore.
You know what I'm talking about?

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After 30 minutes in the shower,
one thing was clear

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Paul was all length and no depth

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He didn't give you a whole lot?
How could he not give you a whole lot?

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Look at the guy. People love him.

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He's like fucking JFK, he's smart,
he's charismatic, he's good-looking,

80
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he's a tenacious athlete.

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I'm sorry, Tad. I didn't realize
you felt that way about him.

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Sad.

83
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Ongatumamwe with the rebound!
The man from Sudan!

84
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Come on! Call that!

85
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That's a timeout, Friars

86
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Come on, bring it in,
bring it in. Let's go.

87
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What's going on out there, guys?

88
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You guys look like a dump
that I took last Thanksgiving!

89
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- What's the matter, Pauley?
- I don't know, Coach. I'm not feeling it.

90
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You got to feel it, son.
You got to feel the flow and go.

91
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You understand, son?
You feel, flow, go, hoop, win.

92
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Pauley! Ball game!

93
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No one understands why you got
the Moore story instead of Tad Goltz.

94
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I'm sure there's a lot
you don't understand, Tad.

95
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Yeah? Well,
I understand art when I see it.

96
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- On a road trip?
- Yeah.

97
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Marlon Piazza,
Bobby Funke, I write for the paper.

98
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Doing a piece on Paul Moore.
I was wondering...

99
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Piss off, dork.

100
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Those gentle giants were the pillars
of St. Donovan's Student Council

101
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Marlon Piazza, vice-president
and Francesca's step-brother

102
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Matt Mullen, head hall monitor
and noted date-rapist

103
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Marty Mullen, class secretary
and former child's underwear model

104
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Oh, God! Oh, God, no!
Did you hear that pop?

105
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- I think I heard a pop!
- There was no pop!

106
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- Can we give Mr. Moore some room, please?
- Watch out.

107
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You all right, Paul?

108
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- Should we get him up?
- Let's get him up. Come on Paul!

109
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Pack it up. Pack it up!

110
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The basketball game
wasn't all we lost that night

111
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Like Nixon's men at Watergate,
a thief crept in and stole our innocence

112
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What kind of effing a-hole would do
something like this, Nancy?

113
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I don't know, sir.
Should I call the police?

114
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No. Bring me the list.

115
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Whenever trouble came to St. Donovan's,

116
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the principal rounded up
the same old delinquents

117
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But that dark morning,
there was one new name on the list

118
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Bobby Funke!

119
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Actually, it's pronounced "Funke".

120
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Principal's office, now.

121
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- Always feel nice in here.
- My ass itches.

122
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Who is this guy? What's his name?

123
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Bobby Funke.

124
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- Frankie.
- Funke.

125
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Looks like a little gentleman.

126
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- He does. Look at him.
- Looks like a stockbroker.

127
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Funke.

128
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Don't look at me.

129
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What happened to your face, man?

130
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Look at it. It's like you have
a culo on your face.

131
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Got a culo

132
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Did you ever get a man on your back?

133
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Breathing hard. Riding you, like a horse.

134
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No?

135
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I assume you all know why you're here.

136
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Let me guess.

137
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You finally want to start that boy-band
you've been dreaming about.

138
00:09:36,857 --> 00:09:39,492
Landis, do I come down to the strip club
where you work

139
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and knock the dick out of your mouth?

140
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:44,093
Against the wall. You're late.

141
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Actually, I'm not entirely certain
why I'm here, sir.

142
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Really? It's fascinating.

143
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This is why you're here! This!

144
00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:02,414
That's sick.

145
00:10:02,482 --> 00:10:03,983
You've got a gum problem

146
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that's rapidly turning into
an attitude problem.

147
00:10:06,219 --> 00:10:08,416
That's why you're here!

148
00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:12,751
I don't like gum.

149
00:10:14,127 --> 00:10:16,757
I don't like your snooping around.

150
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:19,461
You are all filth.

151
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Your parents have obviously spoiled you
or, in your case, possibly abused you,

152
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a little too much.

153
00:10:29,342 --> 00:10:32,074
Now, one of you little vermin

154
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broke into this office
and stole the SATs last night.

155
00:10:37,584 --> 00:10:39,781
Of this I am certain.

156
00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:45,647
I beg you, I beseech you,
do not come forward.

157
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Because I will have the pleasure
of tracking you down,

158
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much the same way that I tracked down
that camel-humping ammunitions envoy

159
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2 klicks east of the Tigris,
the birthplace of civilization.

160
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Mr. Cipriato?

161
00:11:02,909 --> 00:11:07,046
Do you know what the Arabic word
"la hariq" means?

162
00:11:07,047 --> 00:11:10,439
- No.
- It means, "Don't shoot".

163
00:11:10,684 --> 00:11:12,151
"Don't shoot!"

164
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:16,422
May want to remember that.

165
00:11:16,423 --> 00:11:17,856
Dismissed!

166
00:11:42,582 --> 00:11:45,314
Hey, Francesca.

167
00:11:45,652 --> 00:11:47,119
Hey, Funke.

168
00:11:55,061 --> 00:12:00,125
So, what are you doing in the men's room?

169
00:12:01,134 --> 00:12:05,994
Well, I thought I might find a man
in here, are you a man, Funke?

170
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:16,411
I'm just screwing with you.

171
00:12:17,017 --> 00:12:19,248
I just need your help.

172
00:12:19,753 --> 00:12:21,118
With what?

173
00:12:21,187 --> 00:12:25,648
Whoever stole the SATs.
I need you to find them and get them back.

174
00:12:27,394 --> 00:12:31,286
I aced that thing, I know it.
I was just in the zone.

175
00:12:32,532 --> 00:12:35,434
Do you know what "mastication" means?

176
00:12:35,435 --> 00:12:38,929
- No.
- Me, neither. But in that moment, I did.

177
00:12:39,239 --> 00:12:44,042
It was perfect.
I need you to find those tests.

178
00:12:45,712 --> 00:12:46,906
Why me?

179
00:12:49,049 --> 00:12:52,318
I don't know,
I've got a feeling about you, Funke.

180
00:12:52,319 --> 00:12:55,017
This stuff's right up your alley.

181
00:13:02,629 --> 00:13:05,965
So do you have any idea
who might have taken the SATs?

182
00:13:05,966 --> 00:13:08,000
We took the SATs?

183
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:10,926
I didn't. I didn't.

184
00:13:10,971 --> 00:13:12,438
Did you take them?

185
00:13:12,439 --> 00:13:15,674
No, I didn't take them.
Everyone was in the classrooms.

186
00:13:15,675 --> 00:13:19,010
That's what all the commotion was about.

187
00:13:20,614 --> 00:13:23,448
Okay, where were you last night?

188
00:13:27,454 --> 00:13:30,118
That's where I was last night.

189
00:13:57,550 --> 00:14:00,748
Hey, Funke. Funke, want a gumball?

190
00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:03,756
It's good. It's soft. It's sweet.

191
00:14:03,757 --> 00:14:05,591
I'm not falling
for the gumball trick, Cipriato,

192
00:14:05,592 --> 00:14:08,620
so you can put your ballbag
back in your pants.

193
00:14:09,095 --> 00:14:12,031
What's it like sucking on
another man's fingers?

194
00:14:12,032 --> 00:14:13,699
What's it like stealing the SATs?

195
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,567
I asked you first.

196
00:14:19,606 --> 00:14:21,640
- Where were you that night?
- What do you care?

197
00:14:21,641 --> 00:14:23,609
I'm writing your biography.

198
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:27,046
Fine, let me copy off you
and I'll tell you.

199
00:14:27,047 --> 00:14:28,412
Fine.

200
00:14:29,416 --> 00:14:33,274
I was at the Park Arms with my nana,
playing bingo.

201
00:14:33,953 --> 00:14:37,789
I got 30 fucking geriatrics
that can back that up.

202
00:14:38,591 --> 00:14:40,859
I'm touched, Cipriato.

203
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,852
Not a word, Funke.

204
00:14:48,568 --> 00:14:53,234
After tailing Landis, I discovered
her secret life outside of school

205
00:14:56,076 --> 00:15:00,640
She opened up, once I promised
to keep her ice-capades under wraps

206
00:15:00,947 --> 00:15:05,517
I don't know who took them, Nancy Drew,
but I do know it happened during the game.

207
00:15:05,518 --> 00:15:08,120
I was out in the parking lot last night
and I saw some flashlight

208
00:15:08,121 --> 00:15:11,217
bounce around in Kirkpatrick's office.

209
00:15:11,224 --> 00:15:13,425
What were you doing in the parking lot?

210
00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:17,057
I was probably getting fingered
by Dutch Middleton.

211
00:15:18,498 --> 00:15:22,197
Okay. Thanks, Landis.

212
00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:24,236
Long time no see, Rocky.

213
00:15:24,237 --> 00:15:26,305
Weekends and holidays, man.

214
00:15:26,306 --> 00:15:28,540
- Thanks.
- Did you do it?

215
00:15:28,541 --> 00:15:29,803
No. You?

216
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:33,645
I wish. Those tests are the tool
of the racist bourgeoisie.

217
00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:35,843
Back to your cage, butt-boy.

218
00:15:38,585 --> 00:15:42,888
Last night? No, man.
I got picked up for possession,

219
00:15:42,889 --> 00:15:47,259
spent the night in holding.
It's the creepy. You know.

220
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,423
I was fucked up.

221
00:15:50,296 --> 00:15:52,231
That's some alibi.

222
00:15:52,232 --> 00:15:55,795
Fuck it, fuck it. Hold this.
This is my jam, man.

223
00:16:06,713 --> 00:16:09,515
None of these bad apples
had stolen the tests

224
00:16:09,516 --> 00:16:13,784
Their alibis were like Dutch ovens
Gamey, but airtight

225
00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:19,024
Maybe I was looking at it all wrong
Maybe a good kid was behind it

226
00:16:19,025 --> 00:16:21,360
What scares you, Funke?

227
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,829
You know what scares me? Injustice.

228
00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:26,960
You know why? Because it's everywhere.

229
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:30,803
You think I don't see Cipriato
behind me jerking off right now?

230
00:16:30,804 --> 00:16:34,867
He's a dead man. I'll deal with him.

231
00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:41,346
But the thing about fighting injustice
is choosing your battles wisely.

232
00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:46,411
And my battle right now is to find out
where are my missing SATs.

233
00:16:47,487 --> 00:16:51,755
Now, I don't know your involvement
in all this, Funke,

234
00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:55,624
but I'm watching you.

235
00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:59,389
I got both eyes open and they're on you.

236
00:16:59,766 --> 00:17:01,900
- You read me?
- Yes. Yes.

237
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:04,895
You bleed, Funke. We all bleed.

238
00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:07,734
Thank you, sir.

239
00:17:10,443 --> 00:17:13,846
Tad, am I going to get my story
on the girls' bowling team any time soon?

240
00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:16,215
Get off my fucking back, Clara!

241
00:17:16,216 --> 00:17:18,884
Nobody gives 2 shits about girls' bowling.

242
00:17:18,885 --> 00:17:20,953
I give 2 shits, okay?

243
00:17:20,954 --> 00:17:23,422
How many more shits
do I need to get a story from you, Tad?

244
00:17:23,423 --> 00:17:24,788
And Bobby?

245
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:28,786
Yeah?

246
00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:31,993
Where's my story on Paul Moore?

247
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,904
Paul was a good kid, maybe
his bum knee wasn't so bad...

248
00:17:38,905 --> 00:17:41,573
Maybe my puff piece
was no pastry...

249
00:17:41,574 --> 00:17:43,168
It's on its way.

250
00:17:43,243 --> 00:17:45,993
So... um, how long... uh,

251
00:17:46,613 --> 00:17:49,777
So how did Paul's knee
look that night?

252
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:53,014
Okay... Why?

253
00:17:53,486 --> 00:17:56,946
Well, because, Nurse Platt...
Paul injured it.

254
00:17:56,947 --> 00:17:58,846
That's why they
brought him here.

255
00:17:58,847 --> 00:18:00,392
Oh...

256
00:18:00,393 --> 00:18:02,694
I thought he had diarrhea.

257
00:18:02,695 --> 00:18:08,362
But he was limping, so...
I guess he did hurt his little stem.

258
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:10,228
Yeah.

259
00:18:12,338 --> 00:18:13,532
Okay.

260
00:18:14,374 --> 00:18:18,911
So... um, were you... Were you here
with him in the office the whole time?

261
00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:20,106
Yeah.

262
00:18:20,179 --> 00:18:24,716
Well, except I got hungry, and Paul
said I should get something to eat.

263
00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:25,843
His treat.

264
00:18:25,919 --> 00:18:28,584
So, I went across the street
and got a gyro...

265
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:31,484
at that Greek place,
Little Spyros.

266
00:18:31,991 --> 00:18:36,020
Have you ever been there?
It's so good.

267
00:18:36,129 --> 00:18:39,398
Do you mean to tell me
that Paul was alone in here?

268
00:18:39,399 --> 00:18:43,064
I mean, so good.

269
00:18:45,238 --> 00:18:48,664
How long did you leave Paul
on his own that night?

270
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:52,710
Hey, D.

271
00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:57,312
When I go get Greek food,
how long does it take me?

272
00:18:57,550 --> 00:19:00,544
About 20 minutes.
You know, more or less.

273
00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:03,755
Hey, what's up, Frankie?

274
00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:06,191
Look, just get me the sandwich.

275
00:19:06,192 --> 00:19:09,094
Yeah, I want a foot-long
spicy Italian sausage.

276
00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:13,158
That's right. Yeah.
I got one and I want one.

277
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:15,334
Yeah,
see that's a double-entendre.

278
00:19:15,335 --> 00:19:18,603
Yeah. That's right.
I coached English for 2 seasons.

279
00:19:18,604 --> 00:19:21,063
I gotta go. I gotta go.

280
00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:25,444
- All right, so where were we?
- Um... uh...

281
00:19:25,445 --> 00:19:27,612
Paul Moore's
college prospects.

282
00:19:27,613 --> 00:19:29,881
You know, grades have never
been Paul's strong suit.

283
00:19:29,882 --> 00:19:32,217
But, you know, if he wants
to go Ivy, he'll get in.

284
00:19:32,218 --> 00:19:34,820
Believe me, that boy will do
whatever it takes to win.

285
00:19:34,821 --> 00:19:38,023
That's P'M'W.
That is the Paul Moore way.

286
00:19:38,024 --> 00:19:40,790
P~Moore! P~Moore!

287
00:19:41,461 --> 00:19:45,097
The coach gave me Paul's motive.
The nurse, opportunity.

288
00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:47,199
My gut said I had my guy.

289
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,990
But on the way home, I realized
I needed an inside source...

290
00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:52,230
to back it all up.

291
00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:56,408
I also needed
to get my license.

292
00:19:56,409 --> 00:19:59,511
Lately me and the DMV
weren't seeing eye-to-eye.

293
00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,913
And when parking along a curb
on an uphill slope,

294
00:20:01,914 --> 00:20:04,516
we turn our wheels to the...
Nope.

295
00:20:04,517 --> 00:20:05,685
And when there's a yellow light,

296
00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:08,885
we approach the intersection
at a nice...

297
00:20:09,105 --> 00:20:10,349
Nope.

298
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:15,718
And when we come to an object
in the road... like a dog, we...

299
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:21,100
Nope.

300
00:20:22,935 --> 00:20:25,437
I was looking for
corroboration on my story.

301
00:20:25,438 --> 00:20:28,106
Woodward and Bernstein
had their Deep Throat.

302
00:20:28,107 --> 00:20:31,843
I needed mine. Fortunately,
I knew just the girl.

303
00:20:31,844 --> 00:20:36,544
She sounded hesitant on the phone,
but told me where I could find her.

304
00:20:39,052 --> 00:20:40,542
Hey, Chrissy?

305
00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,880
I'm a friend of your brother Paul.

306
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,390
No. No, you're not.

307
00:20:50,463 --> 00:20:52,524
How do you know?

308
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,100
Okay.

309
00:20:56,169 --> 00:20:59,871
Well, has Paul ever taken you
to one of his games before?

310
00:20:59,872 --> 00:21:03,207
You're a high-schooler
and you don't have a car?

311
00:21:03,543 --> 00:21:05,968
Why don't you have a car?

312
00:21:06,012 --> 00:21:08,403
That's irrelevant, Chrissy.

313
00:21:10,783 --> 00:21:12,912
I want a unicorn.

314
00:21:15,254 --> 00:21:16,380
Neat.

315
00:21:16,456 --> 00:21:19,691
You know, when I was your age,
I wanted a pet giraffe.

316
00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:23,328
Giraffes suck.
Get me a unicorn,

317
00:21:23,329 --> 00:21:28,393
and I'll tell you so many secrets
about Paul, very secret secrets.

318
00:21:29,102 --> 00:21:34,639
Here's the thing, Chrissy,
unicorns don't actually exist.

319
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,838
A stuffed-animal unicorn, doofus!

320
00:21:50,656 --> 00:21:54,048
Chrissy Moore was one unicorn
well spent.

321
00:21:54,093 --> 00:21:55,897
After she filled in the blanks,

322
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:58,997
my story was right there
in front of me.

323
00:21:58,998 --> 00:22:01,764
But I still had no solid proof.

324
00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:05,135
Were my hunches enough
to write the article?

325
00:22:08,674 --> 00:22:11,804
Fuck it...
Woodward and Bernstein.

326
00:22:13,379 --> 00:22:16,214
Hey, I won't tell you again,
Ongatumamwe!

327
00:22:16,215 --> 00:22:18,283
This is P~Moore's shampoo!

328
00:22:18,284 --> 00:22:21,984
I've got enough clout around here
to get your ass deported for less.

329
00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:29,160
You... uh, fellows here
for the cockfight?

330
00:22:45,611 --> 00:22:49,879
This story's gonna start, like,
a frigging coup d'etat on this bitch.

331
00:22:50,016 --> 00:22:52,816
Thanks, man...
I like your dreads.

332
00:23:04,297 --> 00:23:05,662
Thanks.

333
00:23:09,168 --> 00:23:13,004
I didn't do anything.
I didn't do anything.

334
00:23:13,239 --> 00:23:16,107
This is crazy.
I didn't do anything.

335
00:23:16,108 --> 00:23:20,535
Hey, I'm the president.
I'm the president. I'm Paul Moore.

336
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,013
I'm Paul Moore.

337
00:23:22,014 --> 00:23:24,182
I didn't do any...
I didn't do anything.

338
00:23:24,183 --> 00:23:27,245
It's all right.
I didn't do anything. Don't worry.

339
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,221
- Open it up.
- I didn't do...

340
00:23:29,222 --> 00:23:30,655
Open it up.

341
00:23:37,230 --> 00:23:38,496
I don't...
I don't know where those...

342
00:23:38,497 --> 00:23:41,266
I don't know what those are.
Those aren't Paul Moore's!

343
00:23:41,267 --> 00:23:42,666
I don't...

344
00:23:44,136 --> 00:23:45,570
I don't know how those got...

345
00:23:45,571 --> 00:23:46,902
Let's go.

346
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,641
Come on, Paul. Don't fight it.

347
00:23:49,642 --> 00:23:53,773
This is crazy. I'm a patsy!
I'm a patsy!

348
00:23:56,015 --> 00:23:58,783
"But in the end
Paul Moore kept his promise.

349
00:23:58,784 --> 00:24:01,686
"He did whatever it took
to get the job done.

350
00:24:01,687 --> 00:24:06,456
"Even the unthinkable.
PMW. The Paul Moore way".

351
00:24:07,093 --> 00:24:09,393
The name's Bobby Funke.

352
00:24:10,296 --> 00:24:12,254
I write for the paper.

353
00:24:19,572 --> 00:24:22,974
So I just want everyone to know
that I'm submitting this article.

354
00:24:22,975 --> 00:24:27,004
to the Northwestern people
with my highest recommendation.

355
00:24:41,761 --> 00:24:44,891
I wanted to thank you
for finding the SATs.

356
00:24:44,964 --> 00:24:48,356
And for showing me
what a douche Paul really is.

357
00:24:49,669 --> 00:24:53,104
See, the thing is, I seem to
have lost my date to homecoming,

358
00:24:53,105 --> 00:24:55,340
and I wanted to know
if you'd go with me.

359
00:24:55,341 --> 00:24:57,275
You wanna go to homecoming
with me?

360
00:24:57,276 --> 00:24:58,510
Well, not like "go" go.

361
00:24:58,511 --> 00:24:59,778
- I mean, not like for real.
- Yeah.

362
00:24:59,779 --> 00:25:01,880
It's just everyone already has a date.

363
00:25:01,881 --> 00:25:03,114
- Right.
- Except for the mathletes...

364
00:25:03,115 --> 00:25:06,618
and maybe that wrestler
with the jock itch on his face.

365
00:25:06,619 --> 00:25:07,881
So yeah...

366
00:25:08,254 --> 00:25:11,282
The only person
I can go with is you.

367
00:25:11,824 --> 00:25:15,682
I still don't see why
you wanna go with me.

368
00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:18,697
Yeah, why not? I mean, you're like
the school's Wolf Blitzer now.

369
00:25:18,698 --> 00:25:23,831
Wolf Blitzer's like a TV reporter.
I'm into Woodward and Bernstein.

370
00:25:23,869 --> 00:25:26,237
You already have a date?

371
00:25:26,238 --> 00:25:28,606
What? No. I just...

372
00:25:29,075 --> 00:25:32,239
Great.
Then you can pick me up at 8:00.

373
00:25:32,578 --> 00:25:35,847
And no wrist corsages.
Get the kind with the pin.

374
00:25:35,848 --> 00:25:39,479
I don't mind a little prick
every once in a while.

375
00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:44,856
St. Donovan's, good morning.
This is your principal, Mr. Kirkpatrick.

376
00:25:44,857 --> 00:25:48,560
As you know... uh, there's been a
regime change here at the school,

377
00:25:48,561 --> 00:25:50,778
and your new president,
Marlon Paizza,

378
00:25:50,779 --> 00:25:53,131
- is gonna say a few words...
- Piazza.

379
00:25:53,132 --> 00:25:55,329
- What?
- Marlon Piazza.

380
00:25:55,768 --> 00:25:58,336
- What's that? Italian?
- I think so

381
00:25:58,337 --> 00:26:02,073
Marlon Piazza is going to say
a few words to you Stand by

382
00:26:02,074 --> 00:26:05,272
You're on the air. No effing around, huh?

383
00:26:06,145 --> 00:26:09,013
Thank you, sir. Fellow students,

384
00:26:10,015 --> 00:26:13,407
this has been a difficult time
for all of us.

385
00:26:13,986 --> 00:26:16,321
But do not lose faith in this institution,

386
00:26:16,322 --> 00:26:20,658
because from great tragedy
comes great triumph

387
00:26:20,726 --> 00:26:25,586
Let me be the first to say
that the actions of your ex-president

388
00:26:32,772 --> 00:26:34,171
It's open.

389
00:26:49,722 --> 00:26:51,383
Hey, Marlon.

390
00:27:12,144 --> 00:27:15,713
So is it true that she got
a perfect score on her SATs?

391
00:27:15,714 --> 00:27:20,483
Yeah, her freshman year, I'll let you
play with her tits for 20 bucks.

392
00:27:23,656 --> 00:27:27,321
Hey, Funke. You're good.

393
00:27:28,060 --> 00:27:29,794
It's a nice place you got here.

394
00:27:29,795 --> 00:27:34,154
Have a good look while you can.
I doubt you'll be coming by again.

395
00:27:47,580 --> 00:27:51,082
I guess that I should congratulate you
on your new presidency.

396
00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:54,419
Isn't it funny how someone can be
your average cakewalk VP one day

397
00:27:54,420 --> 00:27:56,488
and then head of the school the next?

398
00:27:56,489 --> 00:28:00,492
Yeah. It's like how someone
can be the school joke one day

399
00:28:00,493 --> 00:28:04,028
and then go to homecoming with the
hottest girl at St. Donovan's the next.

400
00:28:04,029 --> 00:28:05,630
She's, like, your half-sister, right?

401
00:28:05,631 --> 00:28:07,121
Step-sister.

402
00:28:08,734 --> 00:28:10,133
Hey, Funke.

403
00:28:11,237 --> 00:28:13,298
Hey, Francesca.

404
00:28:15,875 --> 00:28:19,767
Wow, you look awesome.

405
00:28:20,646 --> 00:28:21,977
Thanks.

406
00:28:22,047 --> 00:28:24,582
You look pretty good yourself.

407
00:28:24,583 --> 00:28:26,551
Like your shoes.

408
00:28:26,552 --> 00:28:30,649
She doesn't have to go
to the hospital again, does she?

409
00:28:32,291 --> 00:28:33,892
Is your car out front?

410
00:28:33,893 --> 00:28:37,990
Well, it's such a nice night,
I thought that we could walk.

411
00:29:02,821 --> 00:29:07,715
Sorry about that. I just can't seem
to get away from my friends sometimes.

412
00:29:08,627 --> 00:29:11,188
Yeah. I know what you mean.

413
00:29:11,997 --> 00:29:14,490
You still want that dance?

414
00:29:17,403 --> 00:29:19,704
Quantum physics is bullshit!

415
00:29:19,705 --> 00:29:23,141
Yeah. You don't know
what is inside of a black hole

416
00:29:23,142 --> 00:29:26,841
because, you know, stuff goes in

417
00:29:27,913 --> 00:29:30,247
but nothing comes out.

418
00:29:31,083 --> 00:29:33,815
Just like Laura Hoffner's box.

419
00:29:58,444 --> 00:30:01,278
You think I'm a bitch, don't you?

420
00:30:02,014 --> 00:30:04,549
I mean, you can be honest.
I don't care either way.

421
00:30:04,550 --> 00:30:08,442
I'm just curious.
Do you think I'm a bitch?

422
00:30:13,192 --> 00:30:15,326
- Kind of.
- Seriously?

423
00:30:15,327 --> 00:30:19,597
Well, I mean, no, like I thought
you were, but... and then...

424
00:30:19,598 --> 00:30:25,630
I don't know. Now, I think that maybe
you're just misunderstood.

425
00:30:26,839 --> 00:30:29,173
Nobody's misunderstood.

426
00:30:29,575 --> 00:30:33,843
That's just what people say
when they don't like who they are.

427
00:30:35,481 --> 00:30:39,715
If you think I'm a bitch,
then I guess it's because I am.

428
00:30:40,919 --> 00:30:42,620
But then I guess you're going to have
to come to terms

429
00:30:42,621 --> 00:30:46,388
with the fact
that you're into a girl who's a bitch.

430
00:30:47,660 --> 00:30:50,061
Well, how do you feel
about newspaper dorks?

431
00:30:50,062 --> 00:30:52,794
I'll let you know when I see one.

432
00:31:05,744 --> 00:31:11,480
Great. You know, I better go get Marlon
before Kirkpatrick castrates him.

433
00:31:13,252 --> 00:31:15,813
Thanks for the dance, Funke.

434
00:31:39,278 --> 00:31:42,806
Dude, I think that chick
just winked at me.

435
00:31:44,216 --> 00:31:45,683
She's not bad.

436
00:31:45,751 --> 00:31:47,846
Yeah, for a pirate.

437
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,280
I'm going to go spit in the punch.

438
00:31:53,625 --> 00:31:58,296
Hey, you light on your feet, Funke.
That's good.

439
00:31:58,297 --> 00:31:59,363
- Thanks.
- But we notice

440
00:31:59,364 --> 00:32:01,432
you having a problem out there.

441
00:32:01,433 --> 00:32:04,135
- I do? What?
- It's your hard-on.

442
00:32:04,136 --> 00:32:07,767
Yeah, that close to a girl like her,
it's natural.

443
00:32:07,973 --> 00:32:10,241
I didn't realize it was so obvious.

444
00:32:10,242 --> 00:32:13,644
What you're gonna wanna do,
okay, is you tuck that thing

445
00:32:13,645 --> 00:32:16,781
into the side of your boxer shorts,
so it runs down the leg.

446
00:32:16,782 --> 00:32:19,050
That way you can contain it.

447
00:32:19,051 --> 00:32:21,986
It's like getting a stiff rod
when you're taking a dump.

448
00:32:21,987 --> 00:32:23,113
A shit boner.

449
00:32:23,188 --> 00:32:26,023
Yeah. Then you got to jam it into the bowl
like it owes you money.

450
00:32:26,024 --> 00:32:30,027
But you don't want to dunk it.
It's not a clown. Down!

451
00:32:30,028 --> 00:32:33,231
But you also don't want to
get the peepee on your shirt.

452
00:32:33,232 --> 00:32:35,623
It's a no-win situation.

453
00:32:39,271 --> 00:32:43,471
At ease, gentlemen.
Erections or otherwise.

454
00:32:43,609 --> 00:32:47,172
I remember similar conversations
with my men

455
00:32:47,246 --> 00:32:51,309
when we were tracking the towel-heads
to their tariqs

456
00:32:52,017 --> 00:32:56,319
Pitch-black little spider holes
no wider than a hula hoop.

457
00:32:56,488 --> 00:32:59,880
Like the Charlotte, the web.

458
00:33:00,325 --> 00:33:03,091
Do you understand what he's saying?

459
00:33:03,896 --> 00:33:07,459
Fear, Mr. Delacruz.
That's what I'm talking about. Fear.

460
00:33:09,201 --> 00:33:12,637
Fear is the middle name of war,
Mr. Delacruz.

461
00:33:12,638 --> 00:33:14,372
I learned that in the Storm.

462
00:33:14,373 --> 00:33:16,468
What is the Storm, sir?

463
00:33:18,377 --> 00:33:23,339
213 days in country.
Terrible heat.

464
00:33:23,615 --> 00:33:27,644
The sound of mortar fire day and night
ringing in your ears.

465
00:33:28,654 --> 00:33:31,386
The occasional dog exploding.

466
00:33:32,257 --> 00:33:33,925
But I used to lead men.

467
00:33:33,926 --> 00:33:36,954
Men that reminded me of you, Mr. Funke.

468
00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:40,259
On your feet, son.

469
00:33:43,802 --> 00:33:46,938
I want to thank you for your help
in getting those SATs back.

470
00:33:46,939 --> 00:33:49,603
Yeah, don't worry about it.

471
00:33:50,108 --> 00:33:53,878
- I'm sorry for being such a jerk-off.
- It's okay.

472
00:33:53,879 --> 00:33:57,942
If I ever catch you chewing that in class,
I'll kill you.

473
00:33:58,884 --> 00:34:01,752
- You read me?
- Like Cliff Notes, sir.

474
00:34:01,753 --> 00:34:05,452
Good. Go out there and have a good time.

475
00:34:21,273 --> 00:34:22,638
How's it feel?

476
00:34:22,708 --> 00:34:24,909
Like I just got punched in the mouth.

477
00:34:24,910 --> 00:34:29,041
My life is over now, dick!
I didn't steal those SATs!

478
00:34:29,181 --> 00:34:32,250
Then where were you
between 7:45 and 8:10 that night?

479
00:34:32,251 --> 00:34:36,020
Who the hell do you think you are?
Inspector Gadget?

480
00:34:36,021 --> 00:34:39,879
You really think I'd chance
everything for a test score?

481
00:34:40,125 --> 00:34:42,627
I'd already gotten into Cornell.

482
00:34:42,628 --> 00:34:44,929
Well, then why did you take
the SATs again?

483
00:34:44,930 --> 00:34:48,099
I just wanted to see if I could do better.

484
00:34:48,100 --> 00:34:52,334
Man, you wouldn't know the truth
if it was staring you in the face.

485
00:35:00,612 --> 00:35:03,446
Hello, Cornell Goodbye, motive

486
00:35:03,782 --> 00:35:05,683
I still thought Paul was an asshole,

487
00:35:05,684 --> 00:35:09,453
but maybe he wasn't the kind of asshole
who'd steal the SATs

488
00:35:09,454 --> 00:35:13,915
That sting wasn't my mouth
I was starting to doubt my story

489
00:35:16,929 --> 00:35:20,924
Well done, Bobby.
You got into the Northwestern program.

490
00:35:24,202 --> 00:35:25,636
Wait, one more thing.

491
00:35:25,637 --> 00:35:27,838
Some grad student by the name of
Striedel will be in contact

492
00:35:27,839 --> 00:35:29,140
to fact-check the article.

493
00:35:29,141 --> 00:35:31,008
It's just a formality.

494
00:35:31,009 --> 00:35:33,138
You're on your way.

495
00:35:37,582 --> 00:35:40,484
Sure I was on my way To the gallows

496
00:35:40,485 --> 00:35:41,919
If I didn't set the story straight

497
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,288
before the fact-checker
found something crooked,

498
00:35:44,289 --> 00:35:46,090
Northwestern would go south

499
00:35:46,091 --> 00:35:47,858
And then I'd be blacklisted
from every paper

500
00:35:47,859 --> 00:35:50,989
and college journalism program
in the country

501
00:35:54,032 --> 00:35:55,666
In-school suspension

502
00:35:55,667 --> 00:36:00,004
Cruel and unusual punishment
reserved solely for dangerous offenders

503
00:36:00,005 --> 00:36:01,739
Rocky was on permanent lockdown

504
00:36:01,740 --> 00:36:04,700
for doing a custom paint job
on Kirkpatrick's car

505
00:36:19,057 --> 00:36:22,324
I'm going to need 5 minutes with Moore.

506
00:36:23,395 --> 00:36:24,919
You got 3.

507
00:36:34,172 --> 00:36:37,063
Aren't you supposed to be in homeroom?

508
00:36:37,442 --> 00:36:39,010
Maybe I got to thinking.

509
00:36:39,011 --> 00:36:41,936
Maybe you should have done that sooner.

510
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,887
Where were you that night?

511
00:36:49,888 --> 00:36:51,522
You think it's that easy?

512
00:36:51,523 --> 00:36:54,959
You think I can just tell you where I was
and it's gonna set it all straight?

513
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,328
I mean, take a look around you, Funke!

514
00:36:57,329 --> 00:36:59,563
I'm screwed now no matter what I say.

515
00:36:59,564 --> 00:37:02,228
So then just tell me the truth.

516
00:37:07,305 --> 00:37:11,038
If you didn't do it, I'm all you got.

517
00:37:11,543 --> 00:37:14,945
And you only got me
for one more minute, so spill it!

518
00:37:14,946 --> 00:37:16,208
Come on.

519
00:37:20,852 --> 00:37:23,587
Last year I did some things
on the basketball court

520
00:37:23,588 --> 00:37:25,990
I'm not exactly proud of.

521
00:37:25,991 --> 00:37:27,515
Like what?

522
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:31,161
Shaving points. Twice last season.

523
00:37:31,430 --> 00:37:36,028
It was 2 times too many.
I only did it because I needed the money.

524
00:37:37,202 --> 00:37:38,669
What for?

525
00:37:39,004 --> 00:37:40,704
It doesn't matter.

526
00:37:40,705 --> 00:37:43,908
When I was approached this year,
I turned them down.

527
00:37:43,909 --> 00:37:45,876
We had a shot at State.

528
00:37:45,877 --> 00:37:48,579
I wasn't going to mess that up
for my senior year.

529
00:37:48,580 --> 00:37:53,474
So this person who approached you,
you think that he may have set you up?

530
00:37:53,952 --> 00:37:56,377
I don't know. Maybe.

531
00:38:04,429 --> 00:38:07,696
Give me his name. What's his name, Moore?

532
00:38:07,766 --> 00:38:11,502
Look, if you don't get cooperative,
I can't help you!

533
00:38:11,503 --> 00:38:12,870
You've got to give me his name, now!

534
00:38:12,871 --> 00:38:14,738
You got to start thinking with your head!

535
00:38:14,739 --> 00:38:16,874
You know the amount of power
that comes with the presidency!

536
00:38:16,875 --> 00:38:18,876
Everybody wants a piece of me!

537
00:38:18,877 --> 00:38:20,444
All right, time's up, Funke.

538
00:38:20,445 --> 00:38:23,575
You're getting the animals all riled up.

539
00:38:24,683 --> 00:38:27,051
What's his name, Moore?

540
00:38:27,085 --> 00:38:28,919
Look, I said time's up.

541
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,255
- Give me his name.
- Come on. Come on.

542
00:38:31,256 --> 00:38:33,190
- What's his name?
- Freddy Bismark.

543
00:38:33,191 --> 00:38:35,991
Where do I find him? Moore!

544
00:38:43,168 --> 00:38:46,935
Bobby Funke,
please report to the office immediately

545
00:38:48,807 --> 00:38:50,808
- Hello?
- Robert Funke?

546
00:38:50,809 --> 00:38:53,644
Hey, yeah.
Well, actually it's pronounced "Funk".

547
00:38:53,645 --> 00:38:56,981
No, it's not This is Ben Striedel,
Northwestern University

548
00:38:56,982 --> 00:38:59,016
I'm fact-checking your story here, chief

549
00:38:59,017 --> 00:39:01,285
It's not bad Not exactly good, either

550
00:39:01,286 --> 00:39:02,548
Excuse me?

551
00:39:02,621 --> 00:39:04,288
So we're going to need
the following from you

552
00:39:04,289 --> 00:39:05,623
Transcriptions of your interviews

553
00:39:05,624 --> 00:39:08,359
A bibliography, MLA style match

554
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,594
Your notes Pretty much anything
pertaining to your story

555
00:39:10,595 --> 00:39:12,463
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

556
00:39:12,464 --> 00:39:14,999
I'm just going to need some time
to get it together.

557
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,568
So can I get your number or something?

558
00:39:17,569 --> 00:39:18,661
No

559
00:39:18,737 --> 00:39:20,934
Wait! What? Hello?

560
00:39:30,115 --> 00:39:31,982
I had to find Freddy Bismark

561
00:39:31,983 --> 00:39:33,884
And there was one place
I knew I could track down

562
00:39:33,885 --> 00:39:36,253
even the most elusive characters

563
00:39:36,254 --> 00:39:38,485
It's freaky, isn't it?

564
00:39:38,623 --> 00:39:41,959
And apparently, they just got results
back from the ACTs.

565
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,162
Some of our best and brightest bombed it.

566
00:39:45,163 --> 00:39:46,824
Really?

567
00:39:46,898 --> 00:39:49,892
You see Shamus Finnle over there?

568
00:39:50,602 --> 00:39:54,672
- His teeth are chattering.
- It's probably from the Prylert.

569
00:39:54,673 --> 00:39:57,408
Really? I didn't know
that Shamus had ADD.

570
00:39:57,409 --> 00:40:00,110
For a reporter,
you're really out of the loop.

571
00:40:00,111 --> 00:40:02,680
Half the school
is taking Prylert right now,

572
00:40:02,681 --> 00:40:05,482
or Axitol or Ripenol, maybe Faldox.

573
00:40:05,483 --> 00:40:08,152
All just nice words for speed.

574
00:40:08,153 --> 00:40:10,688
If a kid needs a study aid,
he'll find a way to get one.

575
00:40:10,689 --> 00:40:12,281
Shamus Finnle.

576
00:40:12,357 --> 00:40:14,725
Supply and demand, son.

577
00:40:15,994 --> 00:40:17,428
I found Freddy Bismark

578
00:40:17,429 --> 00:40:21,629
where all high-school graduates
go on to live in infamy

579
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:24,735
They say a picture is worth 1,000 words,

580
00:40:24,736 --> 00:40:27,905
but his senior quote
is worth a goddamn encyclopedia

581
00:40:27,906 --> 00:40:29,873
"Dolla dolla bills, y'all!"

582
00:40:29,874 --> 00:40:32,643
You're not supposed to be looking at that.

583
00:40:32,644 --> 00:40:36,280
It's called study hall
because you're supposed to study.

584
00:40:36,281 --> 00:40:38,444
What are you, a cop?

585
00:41:25,997 --> 00:41:28,661
I'm looking for the business.

586
00:41:37,208 --> 00:41:41,045
And no, no, you cannot pay me back
on your meal card.

587
00:41:41,046 --> 00:41:43,580
I need cash.
This is a business I'm running.

588
00:41:43,581 --> 00:41:46,650
I know it's your bar mitzvah money,
but I have to take it.

589
00:41:46,651 --> 00:41:48,746
You lost the bet.

590
00:41:49,988 --> 00:41:51,080
Yes.

591
00:41:51,156 --> 00:41:53,524
I will take... Yes, I'll a check!

592
00:41:53,525 --> 00:41:56,393
But if it bounces, I'm coming after you.

593
00:41:56,394 --> 00:42:00,389
This is real stuff. You owe me 20 bucks!
Goodbye.

594
00:42:02,767 --> 00:42:06,403
I'm sorry, we're closed for the semester.
No more pledges.

595
00:42:06,404 --> 00:42:08,396
I'm here about Paul Moore.

596
00:42:09,274 --> 00:42:10,707
Suck it!

597
00:42:10,775 --> 00:42:12,576
Let me explain something to you.

598
00:42:12,577 --> 00:42:15,212
I don't know thing one about Paul Moore.

599
00:42:15,213 --> 00:42:17,915
His name means nothing to me.

600
00:42:17,916 --> 00:42:21,479
I have kids on over half the teams
on this district.

601
00:42:21,553 --> 00:42:25,389
And those pill poppers
are begging me to throw games.

602
00:42:25,457 --> 00:42:27,591
And if I had to go out
and personally frame each one

603
00:42:27,592 --> 00:42:29,259
that didn't want to brick a lay-up for me,

604
00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:31,762
I wouldn't have time
to spend the money that I make.

605
00:42:31,763 --> 00:42:35,766
And as you can see,
I like spending the money that I make!

606
00:42:35,767 --> 00:42:40,399
I mean, look around.
That painting is from the 16th Chapel.

607
00:42:40,438 --> 00:42:42,863
That's the first chapel ever.

608
00:42:43,007 --> 00:42:44,641
So what was the money for?

609
00:42:44,642 --> 00:42:46,677
Oh, my God!
I'm going to slap you in the face.

610
00:42:46,678 --> 00:42:48,912
I don't know. He was having girl problems!

611
00:42:48,913 --> 00:42:50,047
What's that supposed to mean?

612
00:42:50,048 --> 00:42:52,750
He was having problems
with girls. All right?

613
00:42:52,751 --> 00:42:54,885
Come on, for a fellow Friar.

614
00:42:54,886 --> 00:42:58,288
No! Not for a fellow Friar.
For you to get the fuck out of here!

615
00:42:58,289 --> 00:43:01,091
Okay. It was some chick from McKinley.
That's all I know.

616
00:43:01,092 --> 00:43:03,722
Now, I'll see you, little man.

617
00:43:03,762 --> 00:43:05,789
Don't hurt yourselves.

618
00:43:10,168 --> 00:43:15,437
If Freddy Bismark didn't frame Paul,
then maybe the girl problem was behind it

619
00:43:16,274 --> 00:43:18,342
There's the old wise guy.

620
00:43:18,343 --> 00:43:19,435
Elliot.

621
00:43:19,511 --> 00:43:20,778
Those pubes come in yet?

622
00:43:20,779 --> 00:43:22,746
You still eating your mom's dirty tampons?

623
00:43:22,747 --> 00:43:24,014
Only when I'm hungry

624
00:43:24,015 --> 00:43:26,116
So as I was saying on the phone,

625
00:43:26,117 --> 00:43:29,019
I managed to implicate
our school president in a sordid theft

626
00:43:29,020 --> 00:43:32,122
and in the process steal his girlfriend.

627
00:43:32,123 --> 00:43:34,923
- So what's the problem?
- Bitch.

628
00:43:35,293 --> 00:43:38,028
I'm not so sure the guy did it anymore.

629
00:43:38,029 --> 00:43:40,989
Have you ever seen this guy around?

630
00:43:41,366 --> 00:43:45,068
Yeah, that's Valerie's boyfriend.
You're dating Valerie?

631
00:43:45,069 --> 00:43:47,061
The plot thickens, Elliot.

632
00:43:47,639 --> 00:43:49,506
I get it, peach fuzz.

633
00:43:49,507 --> 00:43:52,743
You think maybe I got tired
of being Paul's little plaything?

634
00:43:52,744 --> 00:43:55,846
Thought I'd teach him a lesson?
It wasn't like that.

635
00:43:55,847 --> 00:43:57,281
What do you mean?

636
00:43:57,282 --> 00:44:01,743
Paul and I had something real, okay?
He could be himself around me.

637
00:44:01,853 --> 00:44:04,687
So what was the money for, then?

638
00:44:05,857 --> 00:44:07,558
That's got nothing to do with anything.

639
00:44:07,559 --> 00:44:09,550
Look, Valerie,

640
00:44:10,795 --> 00:44:14,631
if Paul's innocent,
then you can help him by helping me.

641
00:44:21,072 --> 00:44:22,232
Okay.

642
00:44:23,241 --> 00:44:26,577
Ready for the after-school special
they call my life?

643
00:44:26,578 --> 00:44:29,640
I owed money to some unpleasant people.

644
00:44:30,148 --> 00:44:33,283
They were ready to collect on me
as interest.

645
00:44:33,284 --> 00:44:37,848
Paul wouldn't stand for it.
Someone tells him about Freddy Bismark.

646
00:44:37,856 --> 00:44:40,520
Paul has 2 off nights.

647
00:44:40,592 --> 00:44:42,125
My debt goes away.

648
00:44:42,126 --> 00:44:44,756
Paul threw 2 games for you.

649
00:44:46,331 --> 00:44:50,428
He would've thrown the entire season
if I'd asked him to.

650
00:44:52,203 --> 00:44:54,204
Valerie was another dead end

651
00:44:54,205 --> 00:44:56,206
If Paul was keeping her a secret,

652
00:44:56,207 --> 00:44:59,440
I wondered
what else he was holding back on

653
00:45:17,629 --> 00:45:23,333
I know that some of you kids know
that I fought in Desert Storm

654
00:45:23,334 --> 00:45:25,202
And you know why? I fought for you kids,

655
00:45:25,203 --> 00:45:27,504
and I fought for this country
and this school!

656
00:45:27,505 --> 00:45:29,668
For St. Donovan's!

657
00:45:29,741 --> 00:45:31,208
It's no joke!

658
00:45:32,710 --> 00:45:34,778
Sometimes, I don't know,
I can get carried away,

659
00:45:34,779 --> 00:45:37,848
but I wrote this song last night
and I want you to sing it with me

660
00:45:37,849 --> 00:45:41,084
If you want, you can sing it,
you can march, yeah!

661
00:45:41,085 --> 00:45:43,578
Come on, kids, sing it with me!

662
00:45:49,561 --> 00:45:51,295
What's going on?

663
00:45:51,296 --> 00:45:53,891
Kirkpatrick's on some
school-spirit rampage.

664
00:45:54,098 --> 00:45:57,365
He canceled a. m. classes
to have a pep rally.

665
00:45:58,403 --> 00:46:00,532
Merci, Kirkpatrick.

666
00:46:07,979 --> 00:46:11,906
You can sing if you want
You can march if you want!

667
00:46:30,902 --> 00:46:32,062
Moore.

668
00:46:43,848 --> 00:46:46,307
And on that note, St. Donovan's

669
00:46:47,952 --> 00:46:49,783
Marlon Piazza

670
00:47:04,068 --> 00:47:07,337
For far too long
we have stood as a school divided

671
00:47:07,338 --> 00:47:10,002
Today let us stand together

672
00:47:14,679 --> 00:47:17,445
Let us create a better tomorrow

673
00:47:17,815 --> 00:47:21,878
As I stand here today
I don't see freshman or sophomores

674
00:47:31,829 --> 00:47:33,524
I see Friars!

675
00:47:44,842 --> 00:47:46,977
Marlon, can you hear me?

676
00:47:46,978 --> 00:47:49,642
It's a paintball, you pussy!

677
00:47:56,254 --> 00:47:58,986
This way! This way, children!

678
00:48:00,191 --> 00:48:02,957
I'm hit! I'm hit!

679
00:48:13,037 --> 00:48:14,265
Moore!

680
00:48:37,862 --> 00:48:41,064
I'm going to go to the vending machine
for some pretzels.

681
00:48:41,065 --> 00:48:43,800
Do you want anything from downstairs?

682
00:48:43,801 --> 00:48:46,169
How about a bandage?

683
00:48:50,575 --> 00:48:51,974
Forget it.

684
00:49:07,391 --> 00:49:08,625
Nurse Platt's phone.

685
00:49:08,626 --> 00:49:10,627
Just got word your boy shot some kids

686
00:49:10,628 --> 00:49:13,497
How does that sit with the facts
of your story, I'd like to ask, Funke?

687
00:49:13,498 --> 00:49:16,433
Striedel, how the hell did you...

688
00:49:16,434 --> 00:49:17,734
I have not Yes, yes

689
00:49:17,735 --> 00:49:20,337
I have not received your notes
on the story, boss

690
00:49:20,338 --> 00:49:24,274
Well, yeah, I know I've been
doing some backtracking to,

691
00:49:24,275 --> 00:49:25,709
you know, locate everything.

692
00:49:25,710 --> 00:49:28,078
Backtracking, huh?
There was a kid a few years back,

693
00:49:28,079 --> 00:49:29,613
said he was doing some backtracking

694
00:49:29,614 --> 00:49:32,249
Turned out he fabricated the whole story
to get into the program

695
00:49:32,250 --> 00:49:34,985
They kicked him out, of course
Blackballed him

696
00:49:34,986 --> 00:49:37,120
Last I heard he was working
as a pharmaceutical test subject

697
00:49:37,121 --> 00:49:38,822
for carpal tunnel syndrome

698
00:49:38,823 --> 00:49:40,157
Your story's thin, kid

699
00:49:40,158 --> 00:49:42,793
Do you really think
you can pull one over on Ben Striedel?

700
00:49:42,794 --> 00:49:45,185
I want your notes, stat

701
00:49:52,003 --> 00:49:53,231
Hey.

702
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,441
There's something that I need to tell you.

703
00:49:58,442 --> 00:50:01,310
Not before I get to say thank you.

704
00:50:01,913 --> 00:50:03,244
For what?

705
00:50:03,314 --> 00:50:05,909
For saving my life out there.

706
00:50:07,251 --> 00:50:09,820
It was just a paintball gun.

707
00:50:09,821 --> 00:50:12,022
Yeah, but you didn't know that, did you?

708
00:50:12,023 --> 00:50:15,559
Look, Francesca, as an ethical journalist

709
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:19,327
and a man who's dedicated to the truth,

710
00:50:19,630 --> 00:50:23,796
I think you should know
that your boyfriend was probably...

711
00:50:29,106 --> 00:50:31,531
He's not my boyfriend.

712
00:50:32,810 --> 00:50:35,303
Now what did you want to tell me?

713
00:50:48,559 --> 00:50:51,294
That was nice shooting
out there, Mr. Moore.

714
00:50:51,295 --> 00:50:54,998
Another 3 inches to the left and
you would have had a kill shot on me.

715
00:50:54,999 --> 00:50:59,597
You got this all wrong.
I didn't steal the SATs.

716
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:02,638
Anything else?

717
00:51:02,707 --> 00:51:05,575
Yeah. This place sucks!

718
00:51:07,111 --> 00:51:10,378
You'll be sucking soon enough, Mr. Moore.

719
00:51:17,188 --> 00:51:21,046
They locked Paul away at some
undisclosed private institution

720
00:51:21,592 --> 00:51:25,587
My story put him there
Now it was my job to get him out

721
00:51:30,568 --> 00:51:32,303
I'll tell you whatever you want to know.

722
00:51:56,060 --> 00:51:58,519
Meds, 3 times a day.

723
00:52:01,332 --> 00:52:02,458
PMW.

724
00:52:05,937 --> 00:52:07,895
Paul Moore way.

725
00:52:08,539 --> 00:52:11,066
Paul, I need your help.

726
00:52:11,375 --> 00:52:14,972
I know someone framed you
for stealing the SATs,

727
00:52:16,914 --> 00:52:20,943
but I just don't know who.
Who do you think framed you?

728
00:52:21,085 --> 00:52:23,885
Who set you up? Come on, Paul.

729
00:52:26,057 --> 00:52:28,516
Are you here to take me home?

730
00:52:32,330 --> 00:52:35,065
After 3 hours, the only thing
I got outta Paul...

731
00:52:35,066 --> 00:52:37,730
was a sinking feeling
in my stomach.

732
00:52:37,802 --> 00:52:40,272
Alright, Mitch, we're looking
for weapons, obviously,

733
00:52:40,273 --> 00:52:42,672
anything that can kill
a student.

734
00:52:42,673 --> 00:52:46,770
Knives, guns.
But it's not always obvious.

735
00:52:46,777 --> 00:52:49,612
Are you kidding me?
You know the rule about gum!

736
00:52:49,613 --> 00:52:52,949
Raise your arms, please. With the women,
you want to use the backs of the hands.

737
00:52:52,950 --> 00:52:55,452
The backs of the hands, Mitch.

738
00:52:55,453 --> 00:52:58,021
Last rule. Most important rule.

739
00:52:58,022 --> 00:52:59,489
You're gonna wanna fuck them.

740
00:52:59,490 --> 00:53:02,791
Do not fuck the students,
do you understand?

741
00:53:04,462 --> 00:53:06,229
The scene of the crime

742
00:53:06,230 --> 00:53:09,933
Give a lunatic a paintball gun
and you'd expect a Jackson Pollock

743
00:53:09,934 --> 00:53:12,325
But Paul was more precise

744
00:53:12,370 --> 00:53:14,904
Every shot counted But for what?

745
00:53:14,905 --> 00:53:18,074
Francesca? That's easy She broke his heart

746
00:53:18,075 --> 00:53:20,143
Me? I broke the story

747
00:53:20,144 --> 00:53:22,245
Kirkpatrick? Mercy killing

748
00:53:22,246 --> 00:53:25,215
But what about Alex Schneider,
the school treasurer?

749
00:53:25,216 --> 00:53:27,083
What about Marlon and the Mullens?

750
00:53:27,084 --> 00:53:30,086
They were his friends
and fellow members of the student council

751
00:53:30,087 --> 00:53:34,290
If Paul's painting meant something,
maybe those guys could explain it to me

752
00:53:34,291 --> 00:53:37,360
Yo, check it out,
it's that slut Laura Hoffner.

753
00:53:37,361 --> 00:53:39,996
Dude, you don't even
want to know what I did to that ass!

754
00:53:39,997 --> 00:53:43,491
Probably the same thing
I did to your mom's ass.

755
00:53:44,068 --> 00:53:46,959
Dude, that's Mom. Our mom.

756
00:53:48,606 --> 00:53:49,698
Yeah.

757
00:53:50,041 --> 00:53:54,010
Yo, yo, check it out. I got this move
that I like to call the operator, right?

758
00:53:54,011 --> 00:53:56,212
It's when I'm railing a girl,

759
00:53:56,213 --> 00:53:58,281
and then I reach down
and steal her cell phone

760
00:53:58,282 --> 00:54:01,551
and I call up her dad so he can listen
to me do her.

761
00:54:01,552 --> 00:54:05,388
- Yeah, Daddy. Yes...
- Father's very special.

762
00:54:07,758 --> 00:54:09,819
Are you lost, freshman?

763
00:54:11,128 --> 00:54:12,629
Why did he shoot you, Marlon?

764
00:54:12,630 --> 00:54:13,797
He shot you, too, didn't he?

765
00:54:13,798 --> 00:54:14,998
Yeah. Well, he shot you first.

766
00:54:14,999 --> 00:54:18,235
Hey, you want detention for the
rest of your life, fuck face?

767
00:54:18,736 --> 00:54:20,471
Hey, Funke,
why don't you... uh,

768
00:54:20,472 --> 00:54:21,871
Why don't you
come to my house on Friday?

769
00:54:21,872 --> 00:54:23,073
I'm gonna have a little party.

770
00:54:23,074 --> 00:54:24,140
No, dude. Come on.

771
00:54:24,141 --> 00:54:27,510
It's okay. I mean, he just wants
to ask me some questions, right?

772
00:54:27,511 --> 00:54:29,746
For the school paper.

773
00:54:29,747 --> 00:54:31,347
I mean, I don't wanna get
on his bad side.

774
00:54:31,348 --> 00:54:34,148
We all saw what happened to Moore.

775
00:55:11,489 --> 00:55:13,686
Funke, you made it.

776
00:55:16,527 --> 00:55:18,328
So this is a party.

777
00:55:18,329 --> 00:55:20,563
Yeah, well, you knew enough
to be fashionably late.

778
00:55:20,564 --> 00:55:23,533
Well, no, actually
I had a flat tire, so...

779
00:55:23,534 --> 00:55:26,369
20 bucks says that toothpaste
doesn't do a goddamn thing.

780
00:55:26,370 --> 00:55:28,271
I'll fucking smoke it myself.

781
00:55:28,272 --> 00:55:29,969
Smoke what you got, man.

782
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:31,141
You want a beer?

783
00:55:31,142 --> 00:55:35,478
Well, actually I have to get up early
for my driver's test. Okay.

784
00:55:38,082 --> 00:55:39,344
It's good.

785
00:55:40,017 --> 00:55:42,552
It's like a good brew, it's really...
It's really cold.

786
00:55:42,553 --> 00:55:45,080
I'm so going to corrupt you.

787
00:55:57,735 --> 00:56:00,103
- Shit! No!
- Okay, man.

788
00:56:00,171 --> 00:56:02,405
Hey, Marlon, you and Paul Moore

789
00:56:02,406 --> 00:56:04,841
have been on the student council together
for 2 years.

790
00:56:04,842 --> 00:56:06,142
In all that time did he ever seem...

791
00:56:06,143 --> 00:56:08,204
- Funke.
- Yeah?

792
00:56:08,245 --> 00:56:09,712
It's a party.

793
00:56:11,682 --> 00:56:14,676
Yeah, Funke,
you can put this on the record, okay?

794
00:56:18,088 --> 00:56:19,578
Tastes minty.

795
00:56:22,459 --> 00:56:24,227
Tastes like a veal cutlet.

796
00:56:24,228 --> 00:56:28,530
No, it's like... It's like a baby
lamb chop with the mint jelly.

797
00:56:29,300 --> 00:56:31,725
Tastes like a joint, you fags!

798
00:56:32,002 --> 00:56:33,970
Beer pong. Just focus on the cup.

799
00:56:33,971 --> 00:56:36,839
Come on, Funke,
give me your best shot.

800
00:56:54,058 --> 00:56:55,423
Nice shot!

801
00:56:59,597 --> 00:57:00,859
Goal!

802
00:57:12,176 --> 00:57:13,666
Hold this.

803
00:58:08,799 --> 00:58:11,599
All right, let's play this game.

804
00:58:11,602 --> 00:58:13,697
I've got winners.

805
00:58:18,709 --> 00:58:20,543
- Yo, what do you want us to do with him?
- Take him upstairs.

806
00:58:20,544 --> 00:58:21,568
Tie him up.

807
00:58:21,645 --> 00:58:25,344
I can take another one of those 2 bitches,
all right? Give me one.

808
00:58:26,116 --> 00:58:28,040
Where's the toothpaste?

809
00:58:31,021 --> 00:58:33,122
Hey, it's baby Funke.

810
00:58:33,123 --> 00:58:35,548
Take it. Take it like a man.

811
00:58:35,826 --> 00:58:39,929
The little prick told me he was going
to a seminar on surveillance technology.

812
00:58:39,930 --> 00:58:44,033
I feel bad for him.
He's totally gaga for that cum-dumpster.

813
00:58:44,034 --> 00:58:49,929
A single pussy hair
can pull a battleship through the desert.

814
00:58:52,810 --> 00:58:55,345
- Hey. What are you guys doing here?
- Think about it.

815
00:58:55,346 --> 00:58:58,147
The real question is,
what are you doing here?

816
00:58:58,148 --> 00:59:00,616
I'm just... I'm doing research
for the school paper.

817
00:59:00,617 --> 00:59:04,578
Yeah. You're writing a story
on Francesca's pink beav.

818
00:59:05,756 --> 00:59:07,155
No, seriously.

819
00:59:07,491 --> 00:59:11,260
Listen to me.
You need to sink the pink tonight, hermano

820
00:59:11,261 --> 00:59:14,731
I hope you... before,
that way you can last.

821
00:59:14,732 --> 00:59:17,300
Yeah. You don't want to be a premie.

822
00:59:17,301 --> 00:59:18,393
A premie?

823
00:59:18,469 --> 00:59:19,902
Word gets around.

824
00:59:19,903 --> 00:59:23,704
It's true. She's used to Paul Moore.
That guy can last.

825
00:59:23,907 --> 00:59:26,002
How do you know?

826
00:59:26,009 --> 00:59:28,878
- I just know.
- Hey, Funke, listen.

827
00:59:28,879 --> 00:59:35,081
After you come,
you're going to hate her, hate her.

828
00:59:36,019 --> 00:59:38,649
I don't know why, but you will.

829
00:59:40,090 --> 00:59:42,492
- Well, I gotta get back.
- To do the story.

830
00:59:42,493 --> 00:59:44,160
- Right?
- Right.

831
00:59:44,161 --> 00:59:45,528
Dig deep, hermano.

832
00:59:45,529 --> 00:59:47,556
Yeah, balls deep.

833
00:59:49,299 --> 00:59:51,690
See you guys on Monday.

834
00:59:52,136 --> 00:59:55,204
Keep it going. Come on.
Give me somethin', give me somethin'.

835
00:59:55,205 --> 00:59:56,433
Yeah!

836
00:59:58,208 --> 00:59:59,470
Work with me!

837
00:59:59,543 --> 01:00:01,967
Hey, stranger.
So I wanted to talk to you...

838
01:00:01,968 --> 01:00:03,579
about a follow-up
to your story.

839
01:00:03,580 --> 01:00:05,837
I was thinking like,
maybe an editorial piece...

840
01:00:05,838 --> 01:00:07,817
on the student council
or something.

841
01:00:07,818 --> 01:00:09,879
- Clara.
- Yeah?

842
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:11,410
It's a party.

843
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,835
Isn't this Marlon's room?

844
01:00:25,836 --> 01:00:29,433
Yeah, well, somebody
already passed out in my bed.

845
01:00:29,807 --> 01:00:33,142
Well, then won't he mind
that we're in here?

846
01:00:33,143 --> 01:00:35,135
He doesn't care.

847
01:00:39,750 --> 01:00:41,081
Cool planes.

848
01:00:51,061 --> 01:00:53,554
What are you doing with me?

849
01:00:54,331 --> 01:00:56,995
What kind of a question is that?

850
01:00:57,601 --> 01:00:58,898
A good one.

851
01:00:58,969 --> 01:01:02,133
Hey, I like you.

852
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:07,799
I like the way you look at me.
Like it's for real, you know?

853
01:01:09,546 --> 01:01:12,506
Like you don't have to impress anyone.

854
01:01:15,252 --> 01:01:18,721
Like if tomorrow
St. Donovan's would just disappear

855
01:01:18,722 --> 01:01:21,750
you'd still look at me the way you do.

856
01:01:25,796 --> 01:01:27,925
You get me, Funke.

857
01:01:29,533 --> 01:01:33,232
I tried on, like, 11 shirts
before I came over here.

858
01:01:34,371 --> 01:01:37,672
Yeah? Well, you know, I don't like it.

859
01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:41,274
I think you need to take it off.

860
01:01:49,620 --> 01:01:52,488
When do your parents come home?

861
01:01:53,490 --> 01:01:55,992
My dad's out of town until Tuesday.

862
01:01:55,993 --> 01:01:57,985
What about your mom?

863
01:01:58,428 --> 01:02:00,762
My mom's dead, Funke.

864
01:02:01,231 --> 01:02:02,391
Sorry.

865
01:02:08,305 --> 01:02:09,795
I want you.

866
01:02:14,144 --> 01:02:15,543
You get me.

867
01:02:38,969 --> 01:02:42,668
Hey, Ashwood, you're pissing yourself.

868
01:03:00,390 --> 01:03:01,550
Fuck.

869
01:03:05,429 --> 01:03:07,820
Funke. Hey, Funke, untie me.

870
01:03:09,099 --> 01:03:11,160
- Cipriato.
- Funke!

871
01:03:14,338 --> 01:03:18,040
You're doing considerably better
this time around, Mr. Funke.

872
01:03:18,041 --> 01:03:19,406
Thank you.

873
01:03:24,414 --> 01:03:26,611
What are you doing?

874
01:03:27,451 --> 01:03:31,912
Sorry, I just thought that
I should adjust this mirror a smidge.

875
01:03:32,623 --> 01:03:36,254
- Safety first.
- That's very good of you, Mr. Funke.

876
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:38,057
I know.

877
01:03:43,333 --> 01:03:48,568
The Mullens' van Grass, gas or ass
Nobody rode for free

878
01:03:48,839 --> 01:03:52,265
What were the good brothers
doing up so early?

879
01:03:56,046 --> 01:03:58,681
You know, I think I'm just going
to parallel-park here.

880
01:03:58,682 --> 01:04:00,883
I was just going to have you
do that back at the DMV lot.

881
01:04:00,884 --> 01:04:04,120
Yeah, I know but this
is such a challenging spot.

882
01:04:04,121 --> 01:04:08,719
I'm really feeling it today.
For me, it's all about the aesthetic.

883
01:04:08,892 --> 01:04:11,283
- The aesthetic?
- Yeah.

884
01:04:20,203 --> 01:04:23,973
Well, I must say, Mr. Funke,
that was some mighty fine parking.

885
01:04:23,974 --> 01:04:27,400
Yeah, that was pretty good, wasn't it?

886
01:04:29,946 --> 01:04:35,147
2 pharmacies in 5 minutes
That must've been some case of crabs

887
01:04:44,895 --> 01:04:46,228
Well, I never thought I'd see the day,

888
01:04:46,229 --> 01:04:49,799
but I'd say you're about to
get yourself a driver's license.

889
01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:51,861
- Really?
- Really.

890
01:04:59,543 --> 01:05:03,546
It was my license or the scoop
My freedom or the truth

891
01:05:03,547 --> 01:05:06,382
Woodward and Bernstein.
Woodward and Bernstein.

892
01:05:06,383 --> 01:05:09,051
All you have to do is get me back
to the DMV in one piece...

893
01:05:09,052 --> 01:05:10,576
Hey! Hey! Hey!

894
01:05:11,521 --> 01:05:14,724
Put your foot on that brake. Come on!
Stop the car!

895
01:05:14,725 --> 01:05:18,288
Put your foot on the brake!
What are you doing?

896
01:05:23,633 --> 01:05:26,869
4 pharmacies and
a dozen traffic violations later,

897
01:05:26,870 --> 01:05:29,371
Alex Schneider and the Mullens
were still making the rounds

898
01:05:29,372 --> 01:05:31,569
So I guess I'll see you next month.

899
01:05:31,708 --> 01:05:34,770
- Get the fuck out.
- Fair enough.

900
01:05:37,180 --> 01:05:39,912
My driver's test
had posed some new questions

901
01:05:40,650 --> 01:05:43,486
Fortunately, I knew just the people
to help me find the answers

902
01:05:43,487 --> 01:05:45,054
This is going to cost you, you know?

903
01:05:45,055 --> 01:05:47,184
What's going on, Landis?

904
01:05:47,591 --> 01:05:51,483
You're not supposed to do that
unless there's a fire.

905
01:05:53,263 --> 01:05:56,223
Can't you see the fire, lamb chop?

906
01:05:57,100 --> 01:05:59,297
It's in my heart.

907
01:06:00,570 --> 01:06:03,029
And it's burning for you.

908
01:06:05,475 --> 01:06:07,276
Where'd you get all those keys?

909
01:06:07,277 --> 01:06:10,840
- I'm sleeping with the janitor.
- Seriously?

910
01:06:13,250 --> 01:06:14,808
Later, Funke.

911
01:06:29,399 --> 01:06:32,601
I didn't know
what I was looking for exactly

912
01:06:32,602 --> 01:06:36,631
But so far,
every clue had one common denominator

913
01:06:37,407 --> 01:06:39,672
The student council

914
01:07:19,816 --> 01:07:22,418
See, man, cut it, cut it. Look...

915
01:07:22,419 --> 01:07:24,920
- What's up?
- Dude, we're gonna need some beers, man,

916
01:07:24,921 --> 01:07:27,823
because I'm not feeling it
unless I got my rhyme sauce.

917
01:07:27,824 --> 01:07:30,454
And make sure it's cold.

918
01:07:31,795 --> 01:07:34,263
Yo, yo, yo. Get me some antacid, too,
while you're at it.

919
01:07:34,264 --> 01:07:36,757
I got mad indigestion, bro.

920
01:07:38,468 --> 01:07:40,995
- Let's do this shit.
- Okay. No, no, no.

921
01:07:58,688 --> 01:08:00,155
You guys sound really good in there.

922
01:08:00,156 --> 01:08:03,559
Jesus, Funke!
What the hell are you doing in my car!

923
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:05,828
Just a little light reading.

924
01:08:05,829 --> 01:08:09,698
Student council treasury ledger.
It's a real page-turner, isn't it?

925
01:08:09,699 --> 01:08:14,069
Money disappears and then reappears.
Schneider is a regular Houdini.

926
01:08:14,070 --> 01:08:15,938
I don't know
what you're talking about, Funke.

927
01:08:15,939 --> 01:08:17,273
Sure you do, Marty.

928
01:08:17,274 --> 01:08:20,575
But maybe it's time for you to come clean.

929
01:08:20,777 --> 01:08:22,278
Become your own man.

930
01:08:22,279 --> 01:08:26,581
You know what, Funke? You're right.

931
01:08:34,925 --> 01:08:38,658
Try not to get blood on the carpet.
My mom will get pissed.

932
01:09:00,383 --> 01:09:03,819
Francesca, hey, pick up.
I need to talk to you about Paul.

933
01:09:03,820 --> 01:09:06,155
Did he ever mention anything about

934
01:09:06,156 --> 01:09:08,991
Schneider or the Mullens
having a drug problem?

935
01:09:08,992 --> 01:09:10,726
Anyway, I'll try you again later.

936
01:09:10,727 --> 01:09:15,393
Okay. I love you.
I mean, I love hanging out with you.

937
01:09:15,899 --> 01:09:17,696
Oh, Gertrude

938
01:09:17,867 --> 01:09:22,101
My anaconda is sore and it needs a massage

939
01:09:22,772 --> 01:09:23,864
I love you

940
01:09:36,353 --> 01:09:38,584
Hey, what's going on?

941
01:09:39,122 --> 01:09:41,114
Didn't you hear?

942
01:09:41,825 --> 01:09:43,019
No.

943
01:09:46,563 --> 01:09:49,488
Here, here, breathe that in, Funke.

944
01:09:51,034 --> 01:09:54,903
The big news was that everyone
had to retake the SATs

945
01:09:54,904 --> 01:09:58,807
The stolen tests had been nullified
under suspicion of tampering

946
01:09:58,808 --> 01:10:01,143
But I had my own suspicions to follow

947
01:10:01,144 --> 01:10:03,445
I needed to stay on their tail

948
01:10:03,446 --> 01:10:06,248
I needed evidence I needed photos
I needed

949
01:10:06,249 --> 01:10:07,682
Hey, stinky.

950
01:10:08,284 --> 01:10:11,346
I think you need to come home with me.

951
01:10:14,090 --> 01:10:17,760
You know, I'm concerned about the lack
of parental supervision at your house.

952
01:10:17,761 --> 01:10:20,686
Yeah? You want to be my daddy?

953
01:10:35,979 --> 01:10:38,147
Is that a good look?

954
01:10:38,148 --> 01:10:40,573
You're like a cool dinosaur.

955
01:10:55,832 --> 01:10:58,223
I can't see anything right now.

956
01:10:58,568 --> 01:11:00,731
I'm totally blind.

957
01:11:02,439 --> 01:11:05,433
Paul, the Northwestern program

958
01:11:06,109 --> 01:11:08,510
Suddenly none of it seemed to matter

959
01:11:08,511 --> 01:11:12,904
The hole in my side, the one
that always kept me hungry, was gone

960
01:11:14,017 --> 01:11:16,681
Guess that meant I was happy

961
01:11:29,399 --> 01:11:31,460
You shouldn't have done that.

962
01:11:31,835 --> 01:11:34,203
"Funke, frosh,
steals tests and pins it on the prez

963
01:11:34,204 --> 01:11:35,637
"for a bid at Fran's hand "

964
01:11:35,638 --> 01:11:37,072
Son of a bitch!

965
01:11:37,073 --> 01:11:40,965
One thing was clear,
Tad Goltz couldn't write for shit

966
01:11:42,946 --> 01:11:46,144
- What the hell is this!
- You tell me.

967
01:11:46,282 --> 01:11:47,683
There's no way that story checks out!

968
01:11:47,684 --> 01:11:49,818
Schneider has been cooking the books!

969
01:11:49,819 --> 01:11:51,820
What does that have to do with Paul Moore?

970
01:11:51,821 --> 01:11:54,623
Nothing, but maybe Moore had nothing to do
with the SATs

971
01:11:54,624 --> 01:11:56,658
- in the first place.
- Bobby, just stop.

972
01:11:56,659 --> 01:11:58,460
I really believed in you.

973
01:11:58,461 --> 01:12:00,229
And I thought that you were
one of the few kids in school

974
01:12:00,230 --> 01:12:03,121
that didn't need to be popular.

975
01:12:05,034 --> 01:12:08,926
I'm recommending that Tad
get your summer scholarship.

976
01:12:09,973 --> 01:12:11,235
What?

977
01:12:12,008 --> 01:12:14,399
I'm late for AP English.

978
01:12:27,524 --> 01:12:30,017
Smooth move, Doctor Love.

979
01:12:30,727 --> 01:12:33,228
You actually think
I went to all the trouble of stealing

980
01:12:33,229 --> 01:12:35,397
the SATs just so I could go out
with Francesca?

981
01:12:35,398 --> 01:12:36,660
I would.

982
01:12:37,734 --> 01:12:40,669
Francesca and I are in love, Cipriato.

983
01:12:40,670 --> 01:12:44,096
Maybe that's something
you can't emotionally comprehend yet.

984
01:12:44,707 --> 01:12:45,867
Asshole!

985
01:12:47,043 --> 01:12:49,378
Francesca. Francesca, it's not true.

986
01:12:49,379 --> 01:12:50,679
Goltz is full of shit!

987
01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:53,048
Did Paul steal them or not?

988
01:12:53,049 --> 01:12:55,317
Well, I don't think so,
but that's not...

989
01:12:55,318 --> 01:12:56,518
I trusted you, Funke.

990
01:12:56,519 --> 01:12:58,587
This is bigger
than me and you. Okay?

991
01:12:58,588 --> 01:13:00,013
This is bigger
than Paul Moore. This is...

992
01:13:00,014 --> 01:13:03,958
- Everyone, please sit down.
- Francesca.

993
01:13:04,694 --> 01:13:07,824
Francesca, look,
you gotta believe me, okay?

994
01:13:07,825 --> 01:13:10,924
In here we only speak Spanish.

995
01:13:12,369 --> 01:13:15,030
Can I just get the hall pass?

996
01:13:16,639 --> 01:13:18,297
The hall pass.

997
01:13:19,339 --> 01:13:21,097
Only speak Spanish.

998
01:13:21,098 --> 01:13:26,402
- I got to talk to some people.
- I need to see some people...

999
01:13:26,403 --> 01:13:29,670
tell me, I need to see
some people... ooh.

1000
01:13:29,852 --> 01:13:31,486
Could I just get
the hall pass, please?

1001
01:13:31,487 --> 01:13:33,216
No, sit down.

1002
01:13:34,190 --> 01:13:36,717
- Please, I need...
- Sit down.

1003
01:13:38,190 --> 01:13:40,717
Well, well.

1004
01:13:41,190 --> 01:13:45,717
Now, page fifty-eight.

1005
01:13:49,190 --> 01:13:54,476
Mr. Funke,
your homework... uh, hm?

1006
01:13:54,477 --> 01:13:56,904
- I don't have it.
- Why not?

1007
01:13:58,414 --> 01:14:00,549
Porque no 'Cause I'm the only one
in this whole class...

1008
01:14:00,550 --> 01:14:03,002
who didn't copy it off Steve!

1009
01:14:03,983 --> 01:14:08,458
I don't like your attitude,
Mr. Funke, huh?

1010
01:14:09,459 --> 01:14:12,014
Yeah, well, no me gusta
any of this bullshit!

1011
01:14:12,015 --> 01:14:19,484
Padre Lewy, excuse the interruption,
uh, I need to speak with Mr. Funke.

1012
01:14:20,559 --> 01:14:24,184
- Mr. Funke, come with me.
- Good bye.

1013
01:14:26,209 --> 01:14:27,943
Thank God,
you got me outta there.

1014
01:14:27,944 --> 01:14:31,179
You wouldn't believe some of
the stuff that I've uncovered.

1015
01:14:31,180 --> 01:14:33,348
I don't even know where to start.

1016
01:14:33,349 --> 01:14:35,417
Point shaving, theft, embezzling.

1017
01:14:35,418 --> 01:14:36,785
A pharmaceutical drug ring.

1018
01:14:36,786 --> 01:14:39,421
- Is that gum in your mouth?
- There's these pills, right?

1019
01:14:39,422 --> 01:14:43,223
- Half the school...
- I just asked you, are you chewing gum?

1020
01:14:43,993 --> 01:14:45,927
That's... That's irrelevant.

1021
01:14:45,928 --> 01:14:47,963
I think there's something
really serious going on here.

1022
01:14:47,964 --> 01:14:51,633
You seem to be a little foggy
as to why I'm here, Mr. Funke.

1023
01:14:51,634 --> 01:14:55,137
From what I understand, you've made
a mockery of this entire high school.

1024
01:14:55,138 --> 01:14:57,673
You seem to think
that this is some kind of circus

1025
01:14:57,674 --> 01:15:00,175
and that I am some kind of clown.

1026
01:15:00,176 --> 01:15:02,510
I'm not an effing clown.

1027
01:15:02,512 --> 01:15:04,946
And I'm not here to bring joy

1028
01:15:04,947 --> 01:15:09,784
and love and light and laughter
into your effing heart!

1029
01:15:10,420 --> 01:15:13,516
Now I'm going to ask you
one more time.

1030
01:15:13,790 --> 01:15:16,658
And this time I expect an answer.

1031
01:15:17,660 --> 01:15:18,786
Is...

1032
01:15:19,829 --> 01:15:21,057
that...

1033
01:15:21,998 --> 01:15:23,226
gum...

1034
01:15:24,167 --> 01:15:28,399
in your mouth?

1035
01:15:30,406 --> 01:15:32,865
Is this gum in my mouth?

1036
01:15:34,644 --> 01:15:39,448
Is this gum in my mouth?
Yeah, it is, actually. It's gum.

1037
01:15:39,449 --> 01:15:43,051
It's gum. It's gum! It's gum!
It's gum! It's gum! It's gum!

1038
01:15:43,052 --> 01:15:47,356
I chew it all the time, 24l7.
I've got a fucking jumbo pack...

1039
01:15:47,357 --> 01:15:49,324
in my pocket right now!

1040
01:15:49,325 --> 01:15:54,262
My locker, filled to the brim with gum!
No books, just gum!

1041
01:15:54,263 --> 01:15:55,964
Now I am trying to talk to you

1042
01:15:55,965 --> 01:15:57,833
about matters
of the utmost importance here,

1043
01:15:57,834 --> 01:16:00,759
and you're talking to me about gum?

1044
01:16:25,728 --> 01:16:28,363
Bathroom breaks, you get one.
Right after lunch.

1045
01:16:28,364 --> 01:16:30,499
Bring your work in
first thing in the morning,

1046
01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:32,534
which means you can get it done
by the end of third period.

1047
01:16:32,535 --> 01:16:34,236
Which is nice because
it gives you the rest of the day

1048
01:16:34,237 --> 01:16:36,036
to pretty much do whatever.

1049
01:16:36,105 --> 01:16:39,531
You get 15 minutes in the yard,
twice a week.

1050
01:16:39,842 --> 01:16:43,268
Mind and body, Funke, mind and body.

1051
01:16:49,852 --> 01:16:52,454
What should I do about Francesca?

1052
01:16:52,455 --> 01:16:55,756
Get some good porn
and pray that she calls.

1053
01:17:17,046 --> 01:17:19,471
- Hello?
- Hello, dickhead

1054
01:17:20,450 --> 01:17:21,683
You have got to be kidding me.

1055
01:17:21,684 --> 01:17:22,818
I've got 2 stories on my desk

1056
01:17:22,819 --> 01:17:25,120
and one contradicts
the living shit out of the other

1057
01:17:25,121 --> 01:17:28,023
Did you really think that you could
pull one over on old Ben Striedel?

1058
01:17:28,024 --> 01:17:30,592
Did you?
Because that's wholesale crazy, chief!

1059
01:17:30,593 --> 01:17:33,962
I have a 175 IQ.
That means I skipped the 3rd grade

1060
01:17:33,963 --> 01:17:36,231
You don't understand, Striedel.
I was framed.

1061
01:17:36,232 --> 01:17:39,568
The school treasurer is moving
money around to sell drugs.

1062
01:17:39,569 --> 01:17:42,871
That's rich Now you're going to
frame the treasurer?

1063
01:17:42,872 --> 01:17:44,473
Is the class secretary next?

1064
01:17:44,474 --> 01:17:45,941
What's the money got to do
with stolen SATs?

1065
01:17:45,942 --> 01:17:48,510
Nothing.
They're 2 completely separate things.

1066
01:17:48,511 --> 01:17:49,945
Let me give you a freebie, kid

1067
01:17:49,946 --> 01:17:51,580
Money's got something
to do with everything

1068
01:17:51,581 --> 01:17:54,082
That's Investigative Journalism 101

1069
01:17:54,083 --> 01:17:58,681
Follow the money, dipshit
You got till Monday to give me the truth

1070
01:18:11,968 --> 01:18:14,859
I'm gonna call a time out.

1071
01:18:15,204 --> 01:18:16,193
Time out?

1072
01:18:16,806 --> 01:18:18,330
That was good.

1073
01:18:21,277 --> 01:18:22,801
I-3.

1074
01:18:22,879 --> 01:18:24,412
It's a hit! Fuck!

1075
01:18:24,413 --> 01:18:26,448
I told you putting it in there
was a bad idea.

1076
01:18:26,449 --> 01:18:29,518
Really, Stinky Landy?
I put it where you wanna put it.

1077
01:18:29,519 --> 01:18:31,820
That's nice. Is it new?

1078
01:18:31,821 --> 01:18:33,922
No, it's my mom's.

1079
01:18:33,923 --> 01:18:35,557
Well, connect the dots.

1080
01:18:35,558 --> 01:18:37,259
I told you not to line up
the ships like that.

1081
01:18:37,260 --> 01:18:39,821
It's like Pearl Harbor.

1082
01:18:41,697 --> 01:18:44,766
Could you guys please
just use your library voices.

1083
01:18:44,767 --> 01:18:46,835
Sorry, I'm just trying to think.

1084
01:18:46,836 --> 01:18:48,937
You can't let Goltz get
one up on you, Funke.

1085
01:18:48,938 --> 01:18:51,772
That guy is an enormous vagina.

1086
01:19:03,853 --> 01:19:05,948
Connect the dots

1087
01:19:05,988 --> 01:19:08,515
Connect them, come here

1088
01:19:14,397 --> 01:19:16,526
What are you looking at, Funke?

1089
01:19:16,766 --> 01:19:17,866
Funke, where you go?

1090
01:19:17,867 --> 01:19:22,137
These 4 walls. You just stay,
bounce... Like a pinball.

1091
01:19:22,138 --> 01:19:24,597
That's it. You can't run.

1092
01:19:31,213 --> 01:19:33,205
Hey, hall monitor!

1093
01:20:11,053 --> 01:20:12,350
Francesca?

1094
01:20:21,130 --> 01:20:22,461
Francesca?

1095
01:20:25,668 --> 01:20:27,101
Francesca?

1096
01:20:55,765 --> 01:20:58,099
Mathematically,
it's a percentage of your life

1097
01:20:58,100 --> 01:21:02,561
4 years, 48 months, 1,461 days

1098
01:21:02,772 --> 01:21:05,907
High school is prom, football games,
boyfriends, girlfriends,

1099
01:21:05,908 --> 01:21:10,267
party at the rich kid's house
Fun, simple, wholesome

1100
01:21:10,613 --> 01:21:12,747
But it's really anything but

1101
01:21:12,748 --> 01:21:15,450
High school might be the least
wholesome 4 years of your life.

1102
01:21:15,451 --> 01:21:18,547
And there's nothing simple
about it.

1103
01:21:18,721 --> 01:21:21,656
High school is ugly,
hard and complicated.

1104
01:21:21,657 --> 01:21:25,823
As complicated as a conspiracy
to assassinate the president.

1105
01:21:25,828 --> 01:21:28,788
A conspiracy
about to be uncovered...

1106
01:21:58,627 --> 01:22:00,328
Alex Schneider
and the Mullen brothers...

1107
01:22:00,329 --> 01:22:04,099
had been selling prescription drugs
since their sophomore year.

1108
01:22:04,100 --> 01:22:08,303
The Mullens' dad was an orthopedist
with a habit of boning his patients.

1109
01:22:08,304 --> 01:22:11,506
When he split with one of them, the
hip doctor left his family his van...

1110
01:22:11,507 --> 01:22:13,842
and a box of prescription pads.

1111
01:22:13,843 --> 01:22:17,007
The brothers made due
with their inheritance.

1112
01:22:19,381 --> 01:22:22,050
But the Mullens weren't competent
enough to run things on their own.

1113
01:22:22,051 --> 01:22:23,251
Yo, shit biscuit!

1114
01:22:23,252 --> 01:22:26,746
These bottles
aren't gonna fill themselves.

1115
01:22:27,022 --> 01:22:30,058
Initially, the market for
academic performance enhancers...

1116
01:22:30,059 --> 01:22:32,594
wasn't as ripe as they'd hoped.

1117
01:22:32,595 --> 01:22:36,226
So like good businessmen,
they created a demand.

1118
01:22:37,199 --> 01:22:39,267
They sabotaged tests
throughout the school,

1119
01:22:39,268 --> 01:22:43,538
targeting the students they knew
would fold from the pressure.

1120
01:22:43,539 --> 01:22:47,442
If you erase enough bubbles,
you can erase a kid's future

1121
01:22:47,443 --> 01:22:49,344
Supply and demand, son.

1122
01:22:49,345 --> 01:22:51,110
Business boomed

1123
01:22:51,480 --> 01:22:54,716
So much so that they started
dipping into student council funds

1124
01:22:54,717 --> 01:22:57,312
to use as venture capital

1125
01:22:57,653 --> 01:23:00,822
P Moore wasn't exactly Alan Greenspan,

1126
01:23:00,823 --> 01:23:03,224
but it didn't take
an economic genius to figure out

1127
01:23:03,225 --> 01:23:07,262
that hundreds of dollars
were being shifted around weekly

1128
01:23:07,263 --> 01:23:09,330
Paul told Marlon what he'd discovered,

1129
01:23:09,331 --> 01:23:12,634
said he was going to put the kibosh
on Alex's creative accounting

1130
01:23:12,635 --> 01:23:14,502
Marlon couldn't have that

1131
01:23:14,503 --> 01:23:18,930
Things were too good He had big plans
and the president was in the way

1132
01:23:22,444 --> 01:23:25,210
He needed Paul out of the picture

1133
01:23:44,934 --> 01:23:46,334
What's going on, guys?

1134
01:23:46,335 --> 01:23:47,632
Funke...

1135
01:23:48,871 --> 01:23:52,040
You just don't know when to quit,
do you?

1136
01:23:52,041 --> 01:23:55,035
Guess not. Gum?

1137
01:23:58,681 --> 01:24:02,483
Changing the answers on the SATs
so you can sell more drugs.

1138
01:24:02,484 --> 01:24:07,218
It's clever, Marlon.
Twisted, but clever nonetheless.

1139
01:24:07,723 --> 01:24:10,358
Should make for a great story.

1140
01:24:10,359 --> 01:24:14,251
Bad move, Funke. Open that window
and bring him over.

1141
01:24:21,604 --> 01:24:23,338
Okay, here's the real story.

1142
01:24:23,339 --> 01:24:25,306
Bobby Funke made a few
bad decisions,

1143
01:24:25,307 --> 01:24:27,876
lost his girlfriend,
and up and jumped out the window.

1144
01:24:27,877 --> 01:24:29,344
Just another tormented freshman.

1145
01:24:29,345 --> 01:24:31,645
I'm a sophomore, dick!

1146
01:24:33,282 --> 01:24:35,445
Throw his ass out.

1147
01:24:35,818 --> 01:24:38,486
- You won't do it.
- I won't?

1148
01:24:38,487 --> 01:24:40,088
These sorts of things
happen all the time.

1149
01:24:40,089 --> 01:24:43,515
There's a lot of pressure
here at St. Donovan's!

1150
01:24:43,659 --> 01:24:45,024
Throw him out!

1151
01:24:46,862 --> 01:24:49,197
Fine, I'll do it myself.

1152
01:24:49,198 --> 01:24:51,532
Hey! Let him go!

1153
01:24:53,736 --> 01:24:56,004
Put him down! Delicately.

1154
01:24:56,005 --> 01:24:57,605
How the hell did they know
you were here?

1155
01:24:57,606 --> 01:25:00,372
I might have made
an announcement.

1156
01:25:16,191 --> 01:25:17,453
Funke.

1157
01:25:20,362 --> 01:25:23,464
Bob Woodward once said that
the 1st rule of good journalism...

1158
01:25:23,465 --> 01:25:26,901
is never reveal the story
before it goes to print...

1159
01:25:26,902 --> 01:25:30,601
But Woodward wasn't in love
with Francesca Fachini.

1160
01:25:30,606 --> 01:25:32,706
Before I cleared my name
with the school,

1161
01:25:32,707 --> 01:25:35,466
I had to clear it with her...

1162
01:25:36,178 --> 01:25:39,274
I had to tell her
I'd figured it all out.

1163
01:25:45,654 --> 01:25:48,181
Turns out, I hadn't.

1164
01:25:59,768 --> 01:26:02,295
You played me, Francesca.

1165
01:26:03,772 --> 01:26:05,969
You played Paul.

1166
01:26:07,509 --> 01:26:10,343
You played the whole damn school.

1167
01:26:10,879 --> 01:26:13,481
Look out! Look out...

1168
01:26:13,482 --> 01:26:16,818
I need everybody to
file out of this office.

1169
01:26:16,819 --> 01:26:19,687
Everybody except you 5.

1170
01:26:19,688 --> 01:26:23,080
The 5 of you
are in big fucking trouble!

1171
01:26:23,225 --> 01:26:27,152
Stay right here, get outta my way!
You, too, bonehead.

1172
01:26:27,763 --> 01:26:30,791
You'll never understand
why I did it.

1173
01:26:34,536 --> 01:26:37,370
Nobody's misunderstood, Francesca.

1174
01:26:37,706 --> 01:26:41,803
It's just what people say
when they don't like who they are.

1175
01:26:45,681 --> 01:26:47,308
Bobby, wait.

1176
01:26:51,954 --> 01:26:55,323
Forget it, Funke.
It's high school.