Recently, I kind of felt bad that you weren’t mine, or willing to be in a relationship with me. It wasn’t always this way, and I was wondering all day today why it hurt when it shouldn’t, I couldn’t see the rationale in wanting you and why it had to be right NOW. Siguro kasi baka natatakot ako na mas mahal kita kesa mahal mo ko kasi nandyan pa rin yung self-preservation mo at baka eventually itapon mo nalang ako bigla, siguro kasi buong buhay ko ako naghintay para makilala si Patricia Gwyneth Monsanto at natatakot ako na I lost my chance at being truly happy because someone, who I don’t even know, fucked it up for me, siguro kasi kayamanan kita at sobrang precious mo sakin kaya sobrang takot rin akong ipagkatiwala ka sa iba na sisirain ka lang, siguro kasi sobrang laki ng iniinvest ko sayo at takot ako na sa sobrang lalim ng hinukay ko na baka isa to sa mga tragic stories na naririnig ko sa experiences ng ibang tao, siguro baka rin kasi natatakot ako na being a bad person was so painful, but trying my best to be a good person would turn out to be even more painful and there’s really nothing in store for me but pain and suffering no matter how much I try... we’re only as good as the world allows us to be. Anyway. When I fell asleep and dreamt a sort of uncomfortable dream, nung nangyari yung bad experience, kinausap kita bigla kasi naka voice call pala tayo, then I realized na di talaga kita kausap at nasa panaginip lang ako, then I woke up looking for you, I wanted to tell you. Dati pag nangyayari to sakin, wala akong matakbuhan, ngayon nandyan ka na. I realized just how much thankful I am na nandyan ka. You don’t know how much of a difference that makes, that was the only thing I prayed to God for. I’m sorry kung nagugulo ko isip mo, naguguilty ako na dinadagdagan ko pa problema mo eh pasan na pasan mo na nga ang mundo. Okay na ko, makukuntento na ko basta andyan ka lang, di mo ko iiwan at lalapit ka sakin pag may problema ka o malungkot ka. I won’t ask for more than what you’ve already given me na. Alam ko idodoubt mo nanaman to, magkaiba kasi tayo ng personality, pero ako kasi, lagi akong may before & after, realizations and experiences that permanently shape me, so shit happens fast as fuck. If you want me to wait for a proper answer, I’ll wait, as long as sigurado kang magbibigay ka ng proper response. If you say no, sana lang maiintindihan mo at di ka masasaktan if I try again with other people, I don’t want to end up alone... and I’ll always be here for you pa rin naman. Sabihin mo rin sakin agad kung may nararamdaman kang gusto sa iba, di naman ako mawawala. Alam mo, my opinion of you never changes for the worse, kahit ano pang gawin mo, naiintindihan ko, mahirap paniwalaan pero totoo. You’ll always be the best person I’ve ever met and the person who taught me what pure love really is.  I’m too lucky to have met you... I love youuuu sooo muchhhhh I can’t contain it all.