Motivation, colds, and trust issues

See, shortly before I got the cold, I suffered a severe motivation crash, and that's what I'm going to talk about, because that's probably why I got the cold in the first place. It certainly wouldn't surprise me if the virus responsible saw the opportunity to be obnoxious. I want to talk about the factors behind the motivation crash that I mentioned for that, the ones that come to mind at least. Off the top of my head is how unsupportive people can get. It is, of course, obnoxious that people are going to keep claiming that I suck at games, even against evidence to the contrary. But what really hurts is when I actually get a charity effort off the ground and I didn't see a single cent donated. What gives? I was using extra-life.org, how was I going to exploit anybody for money? All proceeds already go to them and I can't do anything about it even if I wanted, which was the point of me using the site.

It wasn't just people online who were apathetic either. No, people I know in real life also didn't want to talk with me about the whole mess with Trump right after election day. Okay, why? All the red flags were already there back on election day. My video ranting about Trump becoming president proves that much. And there's simply too many problems with both Trump being president and why he could get enough of the electorial vote for that as well. And for God's sake, I've been accused of being shallow before, but I was actually wanting to actively talk about politics instead of games or girls. I shouldn't be snubbed, I swear to God.

You see how I felt so broken, more than usual. Being unable to really turn to virtually anybody sucks. It's at least borderline online, but in real life, no such luck, how I wish it wasn't so. Thus I was not over the problem before the cold struck. And oh God the cold, I did not want to do voiced commentary. I've been there, done that, I've had people remark in comments for videos where I clearly had a cold that I almost died, that was the only part worth a damn. And really, in general, the cold was nothing but a miserable reminder of how much being single sucks, especially when reasons to even be glass half-full also end up being cold comforts. You people can argue that marriage becomes an unpleasant experience in some pessimistic comment, but too bad I'm dealing with that now anyway. Besides which, I think a marriage becoming unhappy inevitably has at least one of the parties at fault. But of course, people only care about the short term and that's why we have so many sadists.

I know I'm quoting Darth Vader saying this, but I find people's lack of faith disturbing. It's hypocritical that they would expect ME to have faith when they also give me no reason I should. I would not be so critical of this issue otherwise, but unfortunately, people want to be apathetic. Thus they don't come to me whatsoever. This when I'm supposed to believe that they should be doing that.

You know what that brings up? This odd dream I had recently. What happened in the odd dream is that me and an asian Genki Girl were out on a date and we found ourselves in an alternate reality that was created by Peter Griffin. Yes, THAT Peter Griffin. You can tell that the alternate reality was nonsensical with nothing healthy about it. The asian Genki Girl proceeded to try to stay in this reality and even objected to me wanting to take her out of it because apparently I just want some "perfect" world like I'm some robot, one where she wouldn't be welcome. Funny thing is, all I needed to do to convince her to not stay was respond simply saying that I like her personality.

Can anybody guess where I'm going with this? If I need to spell it out, I'm thinking about problems involving a certain three words, three guesses what they are and the first 2 don't count. This is a problem I have known about for over a decade, and yes, it basically boils down to show, don't tell. The big problem is being truthful in saying the 3 words or such similar things doesn't even do anything to help unless the other side is willing to listen and believe you. That brings to me why I bring up the odd dream: I'm wishing it wasn't unreasonable to convey how I feel, because anybody who knows me can tell I was telling the asian Genki Girl in the dream the truth, but unfortunately, reality is different. I can't be terse and to the point like that because for all people, especially the opposite sex, can tell, I could very well have ulterior motive. That by itself isn't an issue, but what is is when people take their fear to unreasonable levels and I end up having to live in terror of things like stalking accusations because people want to be arbitrary, with no thought for side effects at that.

Want to know why I get involved in game balance as much as I do? Because game balance is supposed to encourage healthy values, bravery among them. Unfortunately, scummy behavior happening as much as it does in real life makes that counterproductive, and that's annoying because I haven't forgotten when as a kid I was scared off of A Link To The Past by the freaking green guards, discouraged by Croctopus Chase in Donkey Kong Country just because of its concept, things like that. I would like to believe I have come a long way, but people, especially the opposite sex, want me to be hopelessly up against a completely stacked deck, proven by those God awful cheap stalker accusations, because apparently, discretion isn't the better part of valor. If they're going to claim I'm not playing against the house, they need to prove it instead of continuing to be hypocritical. Otherwise, they're missing out on somebody who has already proven willing to do things like help a real life equivalent to Athena Cykes with bathroom detail because she drew the short straw.

I'm fed up with communication breakdown, but unfortunately, it can't reasonably be stopped, which is the worst part. People are all too happy to pull hostility out the rear. Anybody remember Roger Retinz from Spirit of Justice? Too many people are like him, sans MAYBE the particularly hideous successor murdering, because they believe NOTHING about having a heart. It makes Retinz SCARILY realistic, and with the frequency of these people, ANY suggestion of things like playing by heart is asking to be called naive. There is a reason why I think tropes like Idiot Hero and Good Is Dumb need to become Discredited Tropes. Seriously, compare Retinz to Trucy Wright who manages to be an adaptive and creative hard worker who adjusts as well as she did to Bonny de Famme's mistake. I wonder how that happened. My point is, so-called talent at the expense of compassion is simply not talent because it suffocates variety instead of working with it. Why don't people get that?

So I can at least get this idiocy out of the way and end this with some good news: I'm going to be recording Shattered Throne's campaign soon, which I would have done sooner if not for the God awful cold. Stay tuned.