Golden duck

As the bell chime finishes, you trod over to your shoe locker and open it, only to find a white envelope stamped with a love heart fluttering down from your locker. After standing there letting your brain load for a moment, you sigh and pick it up. The surrounding students who noticed all stare at you intently as you peel open the envelope, extra slowly to spite them but also because… you wanted to put off the inevitable for as long as possible.

“Aomi-san, huh? She was from 2-B if I recall correctly.” You mutter to yourself. “And she’s really sweet as well dammit.”

You sigh even harder and start heading towards the location mentioned in the letter while trying to ignore all the eyes glued onto you.

“I really hope this love letter trope dies out.”

***

Aomi-san was super sweet. She was also relatively cute and what little conversations you had with her had always flowed really well. So why did you find yourself rejecting this girl who had tears in her eyes? What was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you bring yourself to like her? Aomi-san bows to you and apologizes for calling you out of the blue then proceeds to dash off into the distance, clutching the envelope in her hands. A wave of sadness washed over you and you closed your eyes. It never felt good, rejecting somebody. Many people may think it feels good to be confessed to, and that rejecting someone can really stroke your ego. But it’s nothing like that. It hurts like a bitch to turn someone’s heartfelt feelings down.

While getting confessed to wasn’t exactly common for you, it wasn’t uncommon either. Once in middle school, twi- three times now in high school. And you had rejected every single one of those poor girls. Why? Because you could never bring yourself to like anyone. On school trips and sleepovers with friends everyone would always talk about the girls they liked in their class, or the date that they recently went on. When the questions came to you however you could never bring anything interesting to the table. Not once. You didn’t understand, and still don’t, why you couldn’t just be normal and find a girl you like. You knew for a fact that you were straight but every girl that you had met just… didn’t feel right to be your girlfriend.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a large impact on your back, causing you to grunt in response.

“IIII seee a gloomy looking person!” Subaru exclaims, twirling around and jumping in front of you, giggling in her high pitched, excited voice.

You force a smile back. “And I see someone who’s always too hyperactive.”

Subaru laughs. “Huh? This isn’t even hyperactive at all!” She cries.

“Yeah, at least not by your standards.”

Subaru pouts ever so slightly, something you don’t normally see from her. “I… saw the envelope from your locker by the way.” She says, slowing down to match your pace.

“Oh, that? Yeah…” You trail off.

The two of you walk in silence for a few seconds.

“Huh!? Isn’t this the part where you tell me how it went!?” She says breaking the silence, turning her head to you.

“Why do you think it’ll be any different from the other times?” You sigh. “I rejected her. I’ve already told you that there’s never been any girl on my mind.”

“Are you suuuuure? That may have been your last chance!” She says, almost bouncing around.

You just roll your eyes and continue walking, and can’t help but notice a small smile on her face, a face that almost looked relieved.

Before you can study her any further, she perks up. “Wanna go to the baseball pitch today?” She asks excitedly.

“No, not really.” You say flatly.

“Ehhhhhhh? Come on!” She says, tugging your arm as the two of you continue to bicker on and on.

***

Oozora Subaru was a bright and outgoing personality, and was often compared to the sun (and a duck, but that’s another story). Extremely extraverted, Subaru loved interacting with many people and also loved sports, despite having a rough childhood of being brought up in a hospital. You on the other hand, while not gloomy and introverted, was definitely more reserved and chilled out, making you wonder how you and Subaru had stayed such good friends since elementary school despite being polar opposites.

“Hey, hey! Come on!” She shouts in broken english, bat over her shoulder.

Winding yourself up, you throw a cutter, catching her off guard as she twists her body to hit the oncoming ball and sending it rolling across the worn out pitch.

“Surely that would count as a single!” She says, watching the ball as it rolls to a stop.

“Buuuuuu! Out!” You reply, causing her to laugh and send you her famous ‘oooooi!’ in response.

Chuckling, you look out at the golden sun that is starting to sink behind the great skyscrapers of Tokyo. The feelings of guilt and sadness that you felt from the events of today begin to melt away, and you find yourself wishing for this kind of life to go on forever. Just you and Subaru, childhood friends hanging out and having fun.

As the sun continues to set, you walk Subaru back home and continue to make small talk, while also doing your usual bickering and banter. As you approach her house the feeling you felt earlier while looking at the sunset hits you again, and you turn to look at Subaru as she cheerfully talks about her strange experiences with a moving company. As you study her intently you accept that this life certainly wasn’t going to last forever, and that you had possibly been taking Subaru for granted. She had always been there for you, and her cheerfulness would always at least bring a smile to your face even in the roughest of times. You begin to imagine a life without her and instantly dismiss the thought, noting that that would be the last thing you ever want. But said life could be fast approaching, with only a year and a half left of high school to spend time with her.

“W-what is it?” Subaru asks, her face slightly red.

Your eyes widen as you realise you had been staring at her this entire time. “N-nothing. I was just spacing out, sorry.” You say as you look away.

Subaru lets out a small giggle, only to be followed by an awkward silence that floats around until you reach her house.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow! Make sure to get some sleep, we have P.E tomorrow!” She says, opening the gate to her house.

“Uh, wait.” You say.

Subaru turns back to you, her head slightly cocked. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck why did you say that? What do you plan on saying to her?

Looking down at your feet for a moment, you scratch your head before looking up at her. “Listen, I just… wanted to say that I appreciate you, Subaru.”

“E-eh?”

“Ah, dammit. I don’t really know what I’m saying but I felt like I need to tell you how much you mean to me. You always cheer me up and have always been there for me so… yeah. I just. Y’know… Thanks. Thanks for putting up with me for this long. I hope we can… I dunno, continue to be friends?”

You’re staring at your shoes again, too embarrassed to look up. This is REALLY not your style, and you begin to regret making the air so heavy.

You hear a shuffle from her direction. “O-oi! It’s fine! You’re my friend as well, and, I guess I appreciate you too!” She says in her usual cheerful voice.

You look back up at her and realise you must have been making quite the face, because her eyes widen, and then her expression softens from a grin into a small, melancholic smile. She slowly shuffles up to you, and keeps getting closer until her face is nearly touching your chest. This may be the closest she’s ever been to you.

“You know, this isn’t like you at all”

Your breath catches in your throat and you open your mouth in surprise. The voice that just came from Subaru’s lips was nothing like any sound she had ever made before. You didn’t dislike her usual high pitched duck voice, it was kind of cute but this… this was something else. It was as soft as silk and more beautiful than any voice you had ever heard before. The small sample that you had just heard hit you hard, and the world around you seemed to disappear. The only things in existence right now were you and Subaru.

“But thanks for saying that.” She continues in her new, soft voice. “I really appreciate you too. I doubt anyone else could put up with me for this long. So.. thanks to you too.”

By now you’re sweating bullets. THE Subaru you had known for such a long time had suddenly showed a completely new side of herself and you had no idea how to react to it. Before you can, however, she pulls away from you and skips back towards her house.

“Alright, see you later for real this time!” She says, her normal voice returning, as well as your senses. Her door shuts and you stand there stunned for what felt like hours, trying to take in what had just happened. Finally, you kick yourself into action and begin walking to your house. Then jogging. Then running. Then full on sprinting. You had realised. Realised why you could never fall in love with anyone. Why no girl could make your heart flutter. It was because Subaru had always been there with you. She had always been the one. And for the first time ever, on this fated day, you had seen her as a woman. You had fallen in love with Oozora Subaru.

***

“I’m in love with my tomboy duck childhood friend.”

You let the thought roll around in your head as you close your eyes on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Last night was a restless one, with your heart feeling like it could jump out of your chest at any second. This was the first time you had ever experienced any emotion that was so intense and exciting, despite also being scared about what was to come. To begin with, you didn’t even know what love was. Was it supposed to feel this crazy? What are you supposed to do from here?

You open your eyes and look at Subaru, bounding around in her P.E uniform while laughing and having the time of her life playing soccer. Every movement she made, every time she smiled you felt a strange fuzzy feeling in your chest. You found yourself picking up so many more details about her, once you actually paid attention. You certainly hadn’t experienced love before, so you had no idea what it was meant to feel like. But as of this moment, looking at her in all her cuteness, you knew that this feeling was love. No doubt about it. You kick yourself for having overlooked such a great girl that was there all along.

“I’m in love with my tomboy duck childhood friend.” You repeat out loud, forming a small smile on your lips. “I should probably do something about that.”

The walk home was a little bit different from usual. By now Subaru would usually be rambling about what she had for lunch today, or what kind of dream she had last night. Something unimportant. But in the strange silence that surrounded the two of you as you walked, you realised that those “unimportant” things that Subaru always talked about were extremely important. This didn’t feel right. Did she notice you were being self-conscious? Or was it... because of what happened yesterday afternoon? You take a quick glance at Subaru and steel your gut. Nothing would happen between you two if you kept making her do all the work.

“H-hey”
“So, uh”

You and Subaru look at each other for a moment, before laughing. It was good to hear her laugh.

“You first.” You say.

“Nooope. You go.” She insists.

After a short moment of bickering you give in. “I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to mine, you know..., it’s been a bit of time since we hung out at mine or your’s.”

You and Subaru had always hung out at each other’s places casually. It was nothing special, but after your realisation yesterday it suddenly felt much more nerve-wracking.

“Oh! Yeah, that sounds great!” She flashes you a smile.

“And you?” You tilt your head. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing. Just something unimportant.”

She skips a few paces ahead and you internally scream a victory cry, swearing not to mess this up.

***

As the two of you start playing games and chatting, you feel the tension slowly soften and find yourself having fun with your friend Subaru. The friend you had known for years. You once again felt all your worries wash away, further reaffirming your love for her. You knew that the times spent with Subaru were the best moments of your life. As you share your usual laughs and banter the sun retires for the day, leaving a beautiful sky full of stars… as well as two very tired friends, exhausted from the exciting day. Coming upstairs from the fridge you press a can of watermelon juice to her cheek. She turns her head and looks up at you.

“Wanna go look at the stars?” You ask softly

She closes her eyes and lets you hold the can to her cheek for a bit longer before taking it, your hands brushing slightly.

“Sure.” She says in her soft voice, causing your heart to skip a few beats.

You climb out onto the roof with her, as you sit down and admire the sky together. Usual conversation resumes, if slightly calmer until Subaru perks up.

“Right, I’ve been meaning to tell you!” She says, looking excited.

“About?”

“I’ve been thinking of going to a voice doctor thingy about my voice.”

“Your voice?” You ask. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, some people say my voice is really nasally and kinda sounds like goku.” She continues. “So I thought I’d get it checked up.”

You turn your head to her, stunned. You actually really like her voice, both her normal voice and soft voice. Her normal voice was still super cute, and the reason why her soft voice made your heart skip was only because of you being so used to her normal voice, and not being used to the sudden change.

“Why would you want to change it?” You blurt out with a concerned face. “I like you the way you are, you’re already perfect!” You say, surprised at how high pitched and alarmed your voice sounds.

Subaru looks back at you with wide eyes and completely freezes. As you lock eyes with her, the longest three seconds of your life pass, before a bright red shade spreads across her face that could be seen even in the pale moonlight. At the same time, you come to the realisation of the words that had just exited your mouth and also blush. Subaru turns her whole body away from you and you look away, internally bashing yourself. That was way too much wasn’t it? You realise that you had pretty much confessed to her.

You open your mouth to speak before Subaru mumbles something. “Did… did you mean that? Do you... “ Subaru curls up into a tight ball as she struggles to get the last part out. “Do you like me?”

You make an audible gulp as your breathing quickens. Your stomach drops and your chest feels strangely fuzzy. It was now or never.

“Rather than like… I love you Subaru.”

You hear her draw a sharp breath.

“I don’t know why it took me so long to realise it but that’s how I feel.”

Your whole body is tense and your heart is racing faster than that time you ran a marathon.

“I…” You hear her say. “I... lo-love… you too.” She manages to get out, before curling up into an even tighter ball.

You let those words register in your mind. She loves you back. The girl you love feels the same way. It was unbelievable. You let your shoulders relax and suddenly feel so happy, as you also find yourself unable to stop grinning. You crawl up to the Subaru ball and look at her small back, which you feel an instant desire to hold and protect. Gently, you wrap your arms around her waist. She flinches at your first touch, but relaxes into you straight after. You pull her into you, pushing your chest against her back and letting your chin rest on her shoulder.

“This is.. So much to take in at once.” She whispers in her soft voice, leaning her head against yours. “It’s all happening so fast. Like, what is going on?”

“I’m just as surprised, you know.” You reply, also whispering. “I didn’t expect this to happen tonight.”

You could tell she had lots she wanted to say. As did you. But you decided to leave it, for despite the hard roof tiles you were sitting on, this was by far the most comfortable you had ever been. You and Subaru remain in that position for ages, watching the stars together and listening to each other’s breathing.

Eventually, you break the silence. “You should probably head home soon, I guess. It’s pretty late.”

“Mmm.” Subaru replies, snuggling even further into you. “It’s too late though. My parents wouldn’t want me coming home this late.”

“So you’re saying that you should… stay over for the night?” You ask, your voice deeper than you expected it to be.

“Well, yeah. Your parents aren’t home are they?”

Your heart begins to beat slightly faster. “...Guess there’s no choice.” You say, turning your head to look at her.

She turns her head too, and without thinking you lean in and kiss her. She returns the kiss, turning her shoulders to put her arms around your neck. You were in for a long night.

***

“Come on, come on!” Subaru cries, gently tapping the bat against her shoulder.

You smile and throw her a fastball, feeling generous. Swinging her bat, she launches the ball into the sky and out past the baseball grounds.

“Yeeeeaaaah! That counts as a homerun for sure!” She yells as she starts to slowly jog for the first base.

You quickly turn to her, eyes gleaming. “Not if I can stop you!” You shout, charging at her.

Subaru looks surprised and panicked as you get closer and closer. “Oi! You idiot! Stop, you can’t do that!” She yells to no avail.

You tackle her by the waist, making sure to twist your body so that you take the impact of the fall. Subaru falls on top of you as you lie with your back on the ground. The two of you laugh hysterically.

“Oooooooi! You absolute idiot! Don’t do that!” Subaru says between laughs, still laying on top of you.

As the laughing subsides, you bring your hands up and put them on her cheeks. She does the same, and you pull her in. Lying there on the baseball field, you and Subaru share a kiss in the golden rays of a setting sun.