Jump #41: DC's The Fourth World

[DC: The Fourth World]

Drawbacks: Echoes of the Multiverse, To The Final Curtain, Banished, Nature Versus Nurture, Godly Duties, Death of the Jumper, Nemesis, Darkseid's Attention, MacGuffin Box, No Goodness Here, Kirby Katastrophe, Fanatic (3000)

New God Physiology: Creation (Free)
Kirby Kracle (Free)
What May Be (Free)
What Must Be (Free)
Ray of Light (Free)
I Give My Word (Free)
Mother Box (Free)
Jumper's Furies (2700)
In The Glow of the Source: Grail (2500)
Supertown (2200)
The Alpha Effect (+200, 1800)
The Life Equation (1000)
Communion (0)
Aero-Disc (Free)
Flashpowder (Free)
Utility Belt (Free)

>previously, on Generic DC!
>Anon: "Here I go, taking the Motherbox down the stairs into my cosmic Warehouse!"
>"OH NO HERE I GO FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS"
>"ARGH, I LANDED BALLS FIRST ON MY MOTHERBOX"
>"Wait, what's going on down there?"
>"Oh"
>"Oh my"

I just wanted to make dick jokes.
I just wanted to laugh at Thiccseid.
I just wanted to think about anything, anything at all except the god-shaped nightmares that were the Cthulhu Mythos Cuphead levels.

Instead, here I was running for dear life as on one side, the goddamn Omega Effect was eating up the sidewalk and on the other Infinity Man was melting everything into quark-gluon plasma.

>"RUN"
>"Wait! That's where the Anti-Monitor is emerging to build his doomsday device!"
>"I KNOW, IT'S THE SAFE ZONE"
>"How. How is the angry cosmic entity  the safe zone"
>The Anti-Monitor: "What foolishness, to run crotch-first into certain oblivion. Feel the power of my antimatter!"
>*disintegrates pants*
>"SON OF A BITCH THAT HURT"
>The Anti-Monitor: "Oh. Oh, that cock! Nothing like it has ever come upon me. Nothing like it will again. I...what am I even doing? Life is meaningless. Nobody can win against that cock-"
>*continued running as the Justice League beats up the Anti-Monitor while he's cock-dazed*


>"Okay, I think we lost them. Hey look, a sandwich kiosk! One footlong to go, please!"
>Ominous voice: "Yes. Yes, you shall have a sandwich. Tell me about the loneliness of good, child. Is it equal to the loneliness of evil?"
>"That's a very strange question to ask a guy just trying to catch his breath, ma'am. And my answer is: I'll have the onion relish with bell peppers"
>Sultrily ominous voice: "Do you take me for a FOOL, Jumper? Your war with me on Earth-16 ended with us falling backwards through time, a festering soul bound to the burning RUIN of my crumbling carcass. And you, melting on the cusp of victory as some dread CONTAGION swept through you"
>"Oh no. This is not what was promised"
>MILFily evil voice: "Splintering through aeons and galaxies, I fell into a DARKNESS below the multiverse. And now, DARKSEID IS AGAIN. Before your final despairing breath, I want you to know this: Your sandwich is full of rancid mayonnaise, lasagne, vegemite. And the same poison used to kill one I once cherished"

I fell over, dying while trying to spit out the sandwich, my friends trying to drag me out of a thicc demise. All hope was lost. Behind us, the thunder of Infinity Man was drowned out by the entropic thunder of the Omega effect. Dimly, I saw the Evil Sandwich Shop as it truly was: A charnel pit buzzing with the very concept of condiment death through which Thiccseid strode forth to finish murdering my palate as well as my soul.

>My Eternal Romantic Comedy, 400 CP, Waltraute

AND THEN SUDDENLY, A BIGASS GOLDEN SPACESHIP APPEARED.
AND THERE WAS A LADY WITH A BIG GOLDEN HAT IN IT.
And she said: "Jumper, I am the Chain Monitor Cha Jumpara and I know which Earth you came from! I offer you one ultimate chance to save yourself from Thiccseid's wrath, but we must leave this world befor it's too late!"

"...you mean Darkseid right?"
"Yes, him too"
"What"

(2/5)

ANYWAY, we all piled into the golden ship and flew away into this weirdass red dimension! Which turned out to be called the Bleed, and is also a marvelous cure-all! Somehow!

>Meanwhile, on Apokalips
>Darkseid: "As you are aware, there is a point in space-time localised around Earth-16 after which I do not appear to exist. Granny, report"
>Granny Goodness: "It is as you have commanded, Lord Darkseid! I have used the divine metals to broadcast a typical Apokaliptan childhood into this 'Jumper' anomaly now we've sensed it's dimensional signature! Also, I've discovered that subliminally writing the word 'Ravenloft' into his memories enhances the torture by a full 55.47%. How strange. I don't know what a Ravenloft is, but I want twenty!"
>Darkseid: "The Omega Effect is wasted on this pathetic cretin. Once we find him again, I may tire of this game"
>Kalibak: "But father! I understand tormenting your enemies but...why would you turn yourself into a thicc woman to do so?"
>*dead silence*
>Darkseid: "You DARE mock me, son?"
>Kalibak: "Look! Fatherbox, hologram now-this IS you, isn't it?"
>*3 minutes of Thiccseid walking down the street, booty clapping so hard earthquakes happen*
>Darkseid: "No. And we will never speak of this again"

>MEANWHILE, AT THE EDGE OF THE MULTIVERSE

The bowler hat wearing man at the edge of existence said "I've always liked surprises"

"Oh god, God. I must really be running on fumes. Hi. I've been sent on some sort of cosmic treasure hunt. Is there some sort of...Life Equation here?"

"Second corner of the firmament, straight on past the edge of eternity"

"Thansksh"

>As he watched the strange, haunted looking New God stumble off into the distance, the Presence wondered if he noticed what happened to his future self, who was never going to show up to this interview. No matter. This audition looked promising, and to someone who stood outside of existence one cyclical eternity was no time at all to another's coming.

(3/5)

Along the way, we found Mr. Miracle, Barda, Forager and Orion fighting in a faraway galaxy. Things only got more confusing when I showed up.

>Barda: "Wait. You're NOT Furies? You looked like Furies, and you barged in demanding to know where your, and I quote, Tyrant of Infinite Woes was"
>"Ha! We're the New Erinyes! You think Darkseid was bad? His coming will end the Lord of Apokalips' reign only to-oh, there he is. He's more concussed than I remembered"
>Barda: "Then why are we fighting?"
>"Because it's fun!"
>Barda: "Can't argue with that!"

>Mr. Miracle: "Okay pal, let's just talk over here. You have it too, huh? The Anti-Life Equation?"
>"Is THAT what that horrible sensation of utter desolation inside me is?! I don't remember buying this evil cosmic powers! I don't even want to use them!!"
>Mr. Miracle: "Okay, one? Take it from the world's leading expert on getting out of shitty situations. Breathe. Feel better? Hell yeah you do. And two...welcome to the club, I guess. Believe me, an evil future version of yourself is the LEAST of your problems. But step 2 of beating them's to never give up. I don't know what step 3 is, but if you need a shoulder to cry on you can have mine until you figure it out"

>Orion: "I have only one question. This ship can go anywhere in space and time?"
>Cha Jumpara: "Yes, but -"
>ORION: "THEN TAKE US TO WHERE DARKSEID IS MOST VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW"

>[Incomprehensible] minutes later, in the New 52!

I got out and threw up, vaguely aware people seemed to be running around and shouting a lot. The vomit was rainbow-colored for some reason. Later I learned it was because staring at the World-Forge had infused me with the Fires of Creation whatever any of that even meant.  Along the way our captain told me to look at one specific dimensional window, and for a moment I saw a darkened world-forge. A bat-shaped god. And...Hawkman? The fuck was Hawkman doing there? Nothing made sense anymore, and I still hadn't figured out a way to survive Darkseid.

"Did someone say KILL Darkseid!" yelled someone as I dry heaved. "Because I'm about to!"
"Uh. How much Radion did you bring?"
"What"

(4/5)

"You know. Radion? Platonic concept bullets, double tapping can kill even the mightiest New God? Damned if I know where it comes from, but Batman has one bullet of it"
"...I need to talk to my mom real fast"

Suddenly I saw the Anti-Monitor, who actually had a proper face for some reason. "YOU" he yelled upon spotting me, "Your cock chicanery won't work on me this time! I hold the Anti-Life Equation within myself!"

I tore off my pants and started thrusting anyway, this time emitting the LIFE Equation. And as the Anti-Monitor started to keel over, I was hustled back on the ship and tried to avoid looking anyone in the eye. Fenrir and Jormy were somehow giggling with snouts. Barda was whispering something into Hel's ear that made her blush. And the Radion-hunting stowaway I later learned was Grail, daughter of Darkseid, was staring blankly.

I just stared at the floor and tried to sink into it. Unfortunately, I hadn't bought intangibility.

The last, and final trip was nice and quiet. It was now that Mr. M finally explained why I'd been banished from New Genesis to begin with: While officially as I remembered DARKSEID kicking out Sleez meant that New Genesis had no excuses for having a dick god on their planet, unofficially Highfather had received a message from the Source foretelling my future: That if allowed to remain, the 5th World would never arrive.

And I was like "Whatever, I don't give a shit. New Genesis sucks ass anyway. I just don't want to die"

And Forager was like "Yeah. Yeah, it does"

(Cont'd)

The Erinyes made us stop over at an inexplicable replica of supertown filled with other latex-clad women. They were throwing a Welcome Home O Lord of Stasis party. I tried to get them to stop worshipping me and ask who the creepy, noodly dark figure on all the flags was. I tried to explain that not only was I NOT the horrific future tyrant who had apparently founded their world, I had no intention of becoming him. But any port's a port in a storm, and everyone else were fine catching their breath there until we headed for our final destination: The Source.

So the New Gods and my New Gods and my other friends and the Erinyes (who kept trying to worship me against my will) started looking everywhere for the final MacGuffin, while I stayed behind to look for Darkseid and Infinity Man. Cha told me to chill because we'd traveled beyond the point they existed, and I spent half an hour arguing why this shouldn't be possible for acausal beings.

"Ahem" said a ball of light that had crept up behind us while we were arguing. "I have come to graciously hear your pleas for the right to live"

"Hey, what's the big idea? Who do you think you are?" demanded Mr. M.

"I'm the Source" said the ball.

"That is correct" said Metron, who was chilling next to it.

"Wait. Wait, I saw Infinity Man murdering all my friends on the way here..." said Mr. M slowly.

"Yes, I did that. You're all a bunch of failed, worthless, outdated, overly simplistic and incompetant concepts I need to clear out in order to make actually worthwhile gods" said the ball pompously. "HE, on the other hand, is the immature form of a great power who while...sympathetic, has brought about the attention of beings whose wrath threatens my grand design. I'm only here because that annoying Monitor won't stop thwarting my plans unless I hear out a valid reason for continuing to obstruct my plan to stick New Genesis and Apokalips together, which will magically make everything better"

...
I turned around, and did a quick headcount. Everyone else had snapped straight back from religious awe to confused annoyance so quickly some of them were blinking from the whiplash.

So instead of making a plea, I just decided to finally USE the freakin' dread god energy nestling inside me. "How foolish" said the ball as crimson thunder and black sunbursts pelted it's pristine surface, even as a pulse of cosmic creation washed over me, threatening to atomise our souls "You would take arms against the very origin of all things? I created the New Gods. I set the hour of their demise, and have foreseen their end. It is by my design that you rise and fall in stature, and NO NO NO WHY ARE YOU WINNING. WHY. WHY. WHY. THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING"

"Because I'm not relying on your handouts, stupid! MY FRIENDS ARE MY POWER!" I yelled, covered in inexplicable red flames like Jiren breaking his limits as I felt the Kingdom Hearts magic in me reach out to everyone else there.

"OUR LORD HAS AWAKENED! HUZZAH!" shouted the Erinyes, boom tubing a path to not!Supertown so the New Gods their could send me their energy. Or something.

"AAAAA SAVE ME ORION, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE" screamed the Source-ball.

And Orion said "No"

AND SO, after ironically chaining up the limitless energy of creation on one of the many calcified giants frozen by the Source Wall using chains of Element X-

>"GIMMIE!" shouted Cha Jumpara, putting Barbatos in a headlock. "GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE THE GOOD SHIT, MY JUMPER NEEDS IT!"
>"Fine! Fine, take it and get out of my multiverse!" screeched the Bat-God. "My trap is already among you anyway!"

-just close enough to the Wall that anyone coming to rescue it would risk being absorbed, and then Norting it for good measure-

>Source-ball: "NO! Only Takion is supposed to have THAT much of my essence! Only black people, cripples, and black cripples can wield the deepest mysteries of the cosmos! IT IS MY DECREE! Orion, Miracle-listen to your creator look-he's taking your birthrights on top of everything else I have to give! Don't you two think it's unreasonable?!"
>Orion: "THE DOG OF WAR SAYS NO"
>Mr. Miracle: "I. Grew. Up. With the Anti-Life Equation in my soul. I...I killed people because I didn't know I had the power to make things I say happen. I escaped to New Genesis to get away from that horror, and now I find out that evil's part of the very being I worshipped? FUCK YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU, THE SOURCE. I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MY DAD FOR GIVING ME OVER TO DARKSEID. IN FACT, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY YOUR STUPID COSMIC PLAN BULLSHIT /I COMMAND YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF/"
>Orion: "By the S-er, by goodness-okay no, for SOMEBODY'S sake, somebody help me hold Scott back! He's really strong when he's mad!"

-we made three final trips to Batman's lair at different points of time since he seems to have the most reliable access to Radion for some reason, and then went back to Darkseid's lair where Grail jumped out of the ship, triple tapped her dad, and then Orion gently nudged Darkseid forward in time with his foot so he'd fall towards the Final Crisis era while fulfilling his prophecy. He then put Desaad in a headlock until he agreed that Darkseid throne room could, legally, be considered a "fire-pit of political mischiefs" before we left again. Grail and I accidentally touched hands while I was showing her that she could become a full New God by touching a Motherbox, upon which she awkwardly said this was the longest she'd ever talked to a boy without vaporising him, to which I said "y-you too" and belatedly realised she must have taken me at face value because of my dread powers. And that was why she didn't seem keen on letting go of my hand.

I ended up crashing in the Frees' house on Earth instead. I still had the godly duty of busting into the homes of people suffering impotence to bring them cock-based gadgets like a cosmic Trojan commercial, and the Erinyes wouldn't stop bugging me to come back and lead Jumpertown to conquer the multiverse. So I just told them to clear a place for the Bugs of New Genesis to crash on their place to give them something to do. Just to be on the safe side, I went back to the World-Forge-

>Cha-Jumpara: "WHERE'S MY MONEY, HONEY"
>Barbatos: "You think you're so tough?! OW! Y-y-you'll all be sorry when I finished writing my original character Batman, he's super smart and never ever loses!"

-and forged from it the dream of a world that Jumpertown might one they be the crown of, to expand the old place into a third power next to the other New Gods. It was surprisingly easy. I just had to dip my hands in the slag and think happy thoughts, anyone could do it.

I just wanted to give the crazy New Goddess dimension more living space before they went crazy and killed all the Bugs or something. I was very, very clear that I didn't want to rule when my credentials amounted to running away from cosmic horrors over and over again.

I also went on a little adventure to stop a deathless rabbi from stealing some metaphorical cups out of the Doom Patrol, by being a living idea and stealing them first. It was the last thing I needed to get in my cosmic treasure hunt, but by then it was obvious the real treasure was having your own house and not blundering into cosmic wars over and over again.

So I just went back to breaking and entering to commit dicknanigans.

>FIN


























































HAVENPOLIS
A silver once-super town writ large marks the crowned axis of wonder beyond good and evil, forever floating free in the higher vibrational Glory Mists! No sun shines, but the light of the town is such that the golden fogbanks that naturally tend towards brightness up and within, and baroque shade outwards and downwards. Here, other structures may be seen floating freely: A vast lotus with exposed clockwork gears which regulate it's growth from blossom to wither, a castle with the legs and arms of a crab, an eternally falling tower whose debris forms a trail that leads to it's many doors, a vast stairway reaching endlessly for the summit and never quite reaching it. But without a doubt it is the Citadel of Supremacy that stands as the beacon of this endlessly shifting world. Perhaps the most unique facet of this gilded sky is it's affinity to vibrations: With the most hallowed harmonies the mists may be made briefly solid to assist traversal, shaped into fleeting forms or even distilled into divine metals. Thus does the Citadel derive it's bounty of Element X, expanding as unto an immense mandala and prayer wheel.

Here then, dwell the New Goddesses of this realm and the Twelve Erinyes who stand ready to defend the KOSMOKRATOR's empty throne until his return, having harnessed esoteric meta-sciences to reproduce freely without the need of another gender in a manner conceptually similar to the Forever People's fusion. It is easy to mistake it for an idler's paradise, with music and metalwork being among the most common past times of the beautific ones, who spar and study with as much whimsical passion as they toy with new forms of art. Nothing could be further from the truth: The Erinyes alone retain the doom-books that bind their lord's tenets and prophecise his return from unthinkable dissolution; despite ceasing to exist at multiple space-time coordinates for inexplicable reasons at the height of his power, the books foretel the greater glory of his second coming. The KOSMOKRATOR is held in utmost reverence, any paradox with his tenets of perfect order gleefully celebrated as the divine tyrant's redeeming scourge against a flawed multiverse, and the enforcement of his tyrannical punishments a sacrament as revered for it's delicious humiliation as for the fulfilment of his grand design.

There are also many dogs everywhere. Some of them just kind of paddling through the air.