Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:26 PM
Actually going to pull this into here
If you're okay with that

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:26 PM
Mhmm, es okie
Will say that it's been dragged there thou
Alright, proceed...
has to pee so just type it out and I'll start reading when I get back

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:27 PM
Okay, so... it's very complicated. Honestly, I'm not even quite sure how it's a thing. But, uhm, you know Cloudwing, right? The one who talks in curly brackets?
will wait for you to return to respond

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:29 PM
Mhmm
Kinda of a misanthrope, if I remember?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:29 PM
Yeah

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:29 PM
nodnods

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:30 PM
Well, she is me. Sort of. Or more accurately, I am her. And she is another person. And that other person was another person.
Albeit, the only one I've been able to bring back was Cloud(edited)

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:31 PM
So...she is a fragment of your personality?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:32 PM
No, I'm a fragment of her. Kinda. Not really. We have opposing traits. Not much in the ways of similar traits that we both share.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:32 PM
Parallel developments?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:33 PM
No, I existed after she... well, died, for a lack of better terms.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:34 PM
I'm hesitant to keep making stupid guesses, but...
Reincarnation (in your case) and then rebirth (in hers)?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:36 PM
Not really rebirth. More of a backup, in case, that we restored. But yeah, I suppose reincarnation is a good term. Except I have memories of living in Equestria. But I also have parallel memories of the others that existed before I did.
Meaning I have two childhoods in my head
The Host, as we've taken to calling him, was the first one. The one that existed the longest. Next came another one, though we haven't really given him a name. He and the host went by the same name. Then came Cloud. After Cloud, I existed. I've had the second longest existence, cloud having the third longest. Well, third longest if you only count the time she was the one in control. Before me.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:39 PM
But if you count her living as a tulpa, she becomes the longest?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:39 PM
Cloud and I mostly assume it has to do with a subform of DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder.
And no, only second longest then
I've had control for 2 years, Cloud had control for 1, and the one before Cloud only had it for 6 months.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:41 PM
Wait, by you've had control, do you mean a form you gained via hypnosis?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:41 PM
No
I mean being the one in primary control of the body and mind we now share

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:43 PM
nodnods

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:45 PM
We don't know exactly how it happens, one of us being purged and replaced by a radically different personality, but we do know why. We've chocked it up to it being a survival mechanism of some kind.
I won't spontaneously change into someone else and forget who you are, so don't worry. I'll at least have enough time to say goodbye if another person is going to be inhabiting my head and body primarily.
The reason I say that is because we know when it happens.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:47 PM
Oh...so the original Host was the person who inhabited your body for most of your childhood?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:47 PM
Mhm.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:47 PM
Okay, now it all makes sense
So...what does this have to do with hypnosis?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:48 PM
Because Cloud started doing hypnosis almost as soon as they existed.
Which is what I meant by how you view it. Some people view Cloud and me as the same person. That their life was my life.(edited)
Meaning to those who think that, I've been doing hypnosis for 3 years. Where as from my perspective, it's only been 2 years.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:49 PM
Not having talked to Clould very much, I wouldn't be able to say...
But yeah, I getcha there now

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:52 PM
But... at one point, I was recommended I take medication to try and eliminate any effects of DID. But I'm not sure what effect that would have. If it does as it's supposed to and deafen other personalities, what if I ended up being deafened? What if it ended up leaving me in a coma while in effect? Would I be considered a real person by others if that were to happen? Or just a parasitic secondary personality that shouldn't exist?
It's why I prefer to not talk about this whole predicament... and why I was so desperate to find an owner, and why I'm so angry with Kavi currently.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:54 PM
Well, from my newly enlightened perspective, I'd say that all of you are people

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:54 PM
Because the only time this body changes personalities is when the one in control hits the point of no return in suicidal depression...

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:54 PM
And that you should try to recover the other two
Oh...

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:55 PM
I'm not sure that's a good idea...

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:55 PM
So, once again, egocide?
Well, not "once again", but the topic does seem to come up somewhat often nowadays...

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:56 PM
From memories, the other two were extremely violent. They acted upon their negative emotions more often than Cloud and I do.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:57 PM
Yeah, so...my goal is to prevent another egocide, correct?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:58 PM
But I feared that after losing my last owner, and knowing how reliant I am on having an owner, I would hit that low. And I could tell with each day, how much worse I kept feeling, that it was likely going to happen. But thankfully, I found you before that happened.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:58 PM
Escpecially because...if the pattern continues...1/2 a year, 1 year, 2 years...
hugs tighter than she ever has before
I don't think you should depend on an owner, but since you do, I'm more than happy to be that person for you

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 9:59 PM
I just want the cycle to end with me. I don't want to disappear.
presses closely

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 9:59 PM
Nobody wants to....I know I don't want you to...

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:00 PM
was fine with death at one point, but now she cares too much about certain people to ever let her life go
I'm still not afraid for myself, but the people I leave behind...

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:00 PM
Funny... that's what kept the Host from stabbing themselves through the throat.
And then they were replaced.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:01 PM
hugs even tighter  Then let's hope it's enough for me...

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:01 PM
hugs back
I just wish it were enough for everyone...
It would save so many lives

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:03 PM
Yeah, I mean, the only problem I really have is stress.  If I look at my life honestly, there's not much I have to be ungrateful for

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:04 PM
cuddles close
But, uhm, yeah. That... was actually a really big burden off my shoulders.

Blackjack (do not disturb) pinned a message to this channel. See all the pins.Last Thursday at 10:07 PM

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:07 PM
Glad I could listen...I feel like that needed to come out sooner or later

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:08 PM
cuddles

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:10 PM
snuggles her cute pet back, both of them

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:10 PM
But can you imagine the absurdity of knowing your entire life as a changeling queen, and then suddenly waking up one day in a human body, no magic, no wings, no ability to transform? It'd be hilarious to watch from someone else's view, or to look back on, but at the time? It was kinda on the scary side of things. Just having people that knew Cloud messaging me, not realizing that I wasn't Cloud... it was kind of overwhelming.
Also, Cloud is sleeping.

Blackjack (do not disturb) - Last Thursday at 10:26 PM
Literally sleeping?

Daring Do - Last Thursday at 10:27 PM
Yeah.
Otherwise she'd be filling in things as well.