I have noticed... the choices that I could have made and could make more and more on a kind of ethical level. As I look back, I see that I could have been somebody else. Somebody different had I made different choices. I try to be nice and try to stay out of the way of everyone unless circumstances, of course, require that I take some sort of offensive or defensive action. I'm always as nice as I can be.

But then I realized that I could have been somebody else, somebody dark and deeply solitary. Not emo, mind you, lol, but more of a carnal nature. I see, like, an alter ego of myself that lies and cheats and strikes precisely when an opportunity manifests itself. Someone who drinks and and has had a lot of girlfriends. Someone who did drugs and swore.

And then I realize that I still have the potential to be that dark alter ego. Probably more than ever now. I could be different.

Of course I will never actually let myself fall into that personality, that life. But I still realize just how real the possibility of me being different and dark is.