Sealand Drabble: "Dreams of a Micronation"

[10:19 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: the camera zooms in on a rather curious landscape, a place with multicolored clouds and dotted with similarly-pastel islands, interspersed with oil rigs of various sizes, all in a bright blue ocean.

as it zooms in, a small boat can be seen, white and without a sail, with red, white, and black markings on it. it appears to be designed like a four-passenger car, and in the driver's seat sits a young nation, who appears to be powering the boat by pedalling. the young boy appears to be dressed in clothing resembling the Water Tribe of old.

the boy in the boat sails past an australian and a new zealander in the water, both sitting on surfboards and lamenting the lack of surfable waves.

Peter: "Need some help, Kangaroo Bro and Rugby Bro?"

they nod, and peter does some waving motions with his hands. a mighty wave is summoned behind them, and they stand on their boards and surf it into the distance.
[10:27 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: peter sails on, eventually coming across another pair of nations, not family members but still people he knows well. one appears to be in a green poncho and brown shorts, the other in a tan coat and white scarf, dressed far too warmly for this weather. they are both sitting on a wooden raft that appears to have beached itself on the only rock for several kilometers.

Jose: "Peter... help, por favor..."
Sasha: "Da, I made our raft go pizdec and we are stranded... can you give us a ride?"
Peter: "Hmmmmmmmm... Okay! I can take you guys somewhere."
Sasha: "Dock-a-you..."
Jose: "Gray-zeus..."

the unfortunate nations climb into the boatmobile, which speeds off for a specific oil rig in the distance. it appears to be central to the area it's in, much taller than the others, as though it appears to have been haphazardly built onto with the only design plan being "go up". peter sails into a lift thingy, which carries the boatmobile out of the water and up into the seafaring nation's main home
[10:49 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: the two shipwrecked nations flop out of the boatmobile, while peter makes a dramatic leap onto the dock, and he leads them inside. his living room is full of nautical-themed furniture, and is also plastered with his flag

Jose: "This is your castle, see?"
Sasha: "You have a cool house, Peter. Cooler than mine!"
Peter: "I know! And it only goes up from here! But oh, I think you're forgetting something, you silly nations. You're in my territory, so you gotta get your passport stamps!"
Sasha: "Ooh, da, you have a point..."
Peter: "And Salo Man, I know about your little art project, so here, let me help you with that!"

from out of nowhere, peter produces a large stamp, and promptly stamps their foreheads. the two of them look at each other's stamps, which read: "Property... er, Territory of Sealand".

Peter: "Ha ha, you guys belong to me now! Welcome, Sasha and Jose Kirkland, to the Empire of Sealand!"
Sasha: "Welp, I guess I deserved this after making fun of you so long..."
Jose: "Eh, it was only a matter of time."
Sasha: "Promise you'll be a nicer boss than when Ivan's boss owned me?"
Peter: "Hmm... Okay, as long as you behave yourself!"
Sasha: "Da, I can do that. So, boss, what do you want to d--"
[11:11 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: there is a rumble outside. it sounds like a storm beginning to form.

Peter: "Odd, I don't remember ever having storms hit me..."

the waterbending empire-builder and his two new territories look out a window at the ocean. the sky appears to be getting cloudy quite fast... along with lighting and turning........ purple?

Sasha: "Ohhhh bowzhay."

a voice echoes from the sky... Warning: Incoming Game. Warning: Incoming Game. sasha looks at jose and peter like he just pooped himself, while peter puts on a heroic face and jose is just confused.

Peter: "Whatever this 'game' is, I can take it! I'm just as big a hero as Cousin Alfred!"

the sky voice continues to announce the 'incoming game' as a hole appears in the sky, directly above peter's house. the surfing oceanian nations in the distance can only watch in confusion as a large purple cube, crackling with electrical energy, descends on the rig, consuming it floor by floor. it takes a while to reach the bottom, but peter, sasha, and jose look up as the purple cube overtakes them, and reformats their reality...
[11:30 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: the trio look around, discovering that the oil rig they were standing in has been replaced by that of a desert town, nestled in between two walls of a canyon. various people walk around idly, while a shirtless guy in a mask punches skeletons several floors up. it takes a few moments before it dawns on sasha and jose...

Sasha: "Oh blin..."
Jose: "Chinhahda mahdray..."
Sasha/Jose: "We're in Guacamelee."
Peter: "What's that?"
Jose: "It is a lucha-themed adventure game, and the goal is to save the world."
Sasha: "Except... that's not our goal. If we want to get out of here, we gotta stop the guy trying to save the world."
Peter: "So, we're villains?"
Sasha: "Kind of. Blin, I'm gonna assume neither of you have watched ReBoot, so here's a summary of the read me file for game survival. We gotta find 'the user' and make him lose the game, or we die."
Peter: "Die? Hah, we're nations!"
Sasha: "And by die, I mean being permanently turned into slug creatures called nulls, which cannot Respawn."

and now it's peter's turn for poo to come out.

Jose: "What do we do?"
Sasha: "Well... The problem is, you two don't have icons, so you can't really do this..." he reaches up to the blue-and-yellow pin on his chest, tapping twice with his finger "ReBoot!"
[11:43 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: there is a flash of light, and sasha transforms into... a giant chicken in a sombrero? jose and peter burst out laughing

Jose: "JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA! Why would I want to do that?"
Sasha: "...I hate everything right now."
Peter: "Look, Chicken Man, I'm gonna go punch this 'user' guy while you eat seed, okay?"
Jose: "Who is this User anyway?"

their question is answered as the User-Character, the shirtless guy punching skeletons earlier, jumps down to their platform and does a heroic pose.

Sasha: "That guy."
Peter: "Okay, watch and learn why I'm the hero of this story!"

peter starts posing and making bodybuilder noises. nothing happens at first, but then... he starts to grow, eventually becoming taller than sasha's rebooted form and ripped as fuck.

[Congratulations! Your SEALAND evolved into BUFF SEALAND!]

Sasha/Jose: "..."
User-Character: "..."
Reader: "..."
Himaruya: "..."

peter runs up, grabs the user-character, and... throws him OUT of the screen entirely! guacamelee's a 2D game, so he basically just threw him in the Z-axis direction.

Peter: "Well, that takes care of that." there is a rumble "What's that?"
[11:44 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: a large white ball explodes into existence near where peter threw the user out of the playing area. the system voice from earlier calls out, Warning: Game Corruption. sasha stares at the sphere in horror.

Sasha: "Not good. This is not good!" close-up on his chicken face "It's an Infinite Data Else/If Loop."
Jose: "What does that mean?"
Sasha: "It means... RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RUN BEFOOOORE!"

as the sphere begins to send out energy waves, slowly dissolving the game environment, the trio run like fuck, eventually running out of the desert environment entirely and into what appears to be a mini subway station. minecarts are present, leading into a tunnel of wires. the game destruction approaches from behind...

Peter: "What is this, Wreck-It--"
Sasha: "DA! GET IN!"

they jump into the minecarts, which take off as the game collapses behind them. the wall of glitchy erasure follows them down the wire, as they reach the other end, bolt out of the minecarts and dive out of the plug right before the thing short-circuits and explodes behind them. instead of Game Central Station, though, they've ended up in a purple electricity box similar to the appearance of the game cube from earlier. a voice announces, G-G-Game O-O-Over., and the cube lifts off into the sky, leaving them back in peter's house, and back in their normal forms.
[11:51 PM] surzhykKorektor [DM]: Jose: "Well..."
Sasha: "...that happened."
Peter: "...Wanna eat ice cream until we're in a sugar coma?"
Sasha/Jose: "........"
Sasha: "Da. I think I'd like that, Peter."
peter grins "Okay!"

as the greatest seafaring nation in the history of paradox space goes off to make himself and his new territories large bowls of ice cream, the camera zooms out the window. it goes beyond peter's house (known to the land's residents as the Dwelling Spire), past several smaller rigs, and continues to zoom out. eventually, it becomes clear, this is not on earth. it's actually kind of a tiny planet, probably a few dozen kilometers across, almost entirely ocean and dotted with oil rigs and pastel-colored islands.

the camera zooms out, and pauses once the entire land is in view. white text in a fancy font fades in above the planet...

"Land of Rigs and Waves"

...and then the text fades, and the camera zooms out further, the land fading into darkness. eventually, it zooms out to reveal... peter kirkland, in his bed, dreaming happily of a future where everyone takes him seriously as a nation.