We oft succumb to an afliction; an excessive reliance on intuition motivates a facile assumption the other is lying, rather than scrupulously redrawing ones own conclusions.

In other words, we are used to our natural conclusions being correct, so we stick steadfastly them, to the extent that it be becomes easier to imagine the other person lying to us, than doubt ourselves.

There are times, I will freely admit, when I can get passive aggressive. However I believe you have internalised this explanation to such a degree that you ascribe it too freely. When you point it out, I will either agree or disagree, and it upsets me greatly when you accuse me of lying. For the reason of strengthening our relationship I am seldom dishonest regarding this matter.

Tonights incident has provoked me to such a degree I feel it necessary to produce an annotated commentary of the transcription, in order to comprehensively dispel misunderstanding, and furnish an ongoing dialouge that will prevent repeated incidents.

I should like to preface it by saying, I found it ironic that we concluded a conversation about stress and difficulty sleeping, and sex, before this incident happened. I was about to naturally lead from the conversation about sex into stating the following, which I felt would not have been appropriate to say regarding the circumstances:

"I appreciate that you signalled before I got home that you'd talk only briefly until you were tired, and understanding that we are not making arrangements, I'd like to ask you to think about having sex tomorrow."

However it progressed as follows, > denoting you, < denoting me, brackets denoting linked conversation, and braces denoting my comments on said conversation.

> That sounds nice to me (1)
> Alright, I'm sleepy (2) [Completely appropriate, links back to what you said "Will chat until I get sleepy" - thus it becomes clear to me that you would now like to stop chatting]
> I need to sleep (2) [To me this is restating in unnecessarily assertive terms... typically you'd say this after a few more messages, but I take it you're trying to speed up the process here.]

< Yeah I have ways and means (1) [regarding practices that will offload sexual work]

> Or else I'll wake up tomorrow and feel bad (2) [Appears to exceed assertiveness and veer into passive aggressiveness, prototypical 'guilt trip' - might also appear to signal that if you don't sleep now, I won't get sex tomorrow, as you'll feel bad, which veers into extortion.]
> I don't want that [It rather goes without saying that neither of us want you to feel bad, so to me it seems like you're trying to imply that I don't necessarily not want that.]

< Indeed (2) [I think you've stated things so redundantly I can only offer complete agreement with what you've said]
< But like (3) [Here's where the shower typing comes in and things get a bit more split up than they need to me]
< I find it weird you always announce it (3) [Should have amended, 'at the time']
< Instead of saying it five minutes beforehand (3) [If you say it earlier than necessary it gives the conversation some time to naturally wind down, and for my to exhaust my mental backlog of things to say that has logged up during the course of the conversation.]
< Which seems better to me (3) [I am suggesting we'd have less conflict if you let me know earlier when you want the conversation to end, instead of wanting it to end immediately.]

> Yeah sure but I'm sleepy now (4) [Setting up a common expression I empathise with.]
> I wasn't sleepy five minutes ago (4) [Yeah I get that, you just hit the wall now and started to feel it so you let me know, it's just that you let me know in really passive aggressive terms that guilt trip me into not finishing our conversation.]

< Probably because I queue up (3) [I'm about to explain why I'd like some more time.]
< Yeah but like (4) [About to say that it's unlikely because you're feeling tired the conversation has to immediately end, instead of naturally curtailing.]

> But like fucking what (4) [I think upon rereading this, you'll understand you get unnecessarily aggressive quite fast just because I have an issue with this behaviour.]

< Terminating conversations is so ugly (4) [Seriously, it just screws up my brains ordering system, it's like force quitting an application and corrupting a save instead of going through the wind down process.]

> By saying I need to sleep (4) [Additionally by saying that you'll otherwise feel bad, and that you don't want that... which is completely redundant so you must be saying it for its implications.]

< Like within 20 seconds (4) [Which is what I honestly think you want to be able to do, as soon as you say that you need to sleep, I completely flush everything in my head, say goodnight, and you turn off your phone.]

> And that's what I'm going to go do now (4) [You're continuing to restate the same thing.]

> And what do you mean by "ugly" (5) [Here you reveal semantics and espicially connotations concern you as well.]
> What does that mean (5) [Further redundancy, prototypical of both of us during an argument, passive aggressively restate things.]

< And maybe I want to say one or two more things (4) [And don't want to be made to feel bad for wanting to say them.]

> Okay then don't be a fucking cock about it and all {sic} me to stay so you can say you {sic} things (6) [I felt like you were the one trying to stop me from saying things, and I don't want to have to tell you to stay in that instance, I just wanted to open a dialouge about how I don't like being forced to immediately leave. If I just told you to stay and said the things, we'd get absolutely nowhere, because I'd have to tell you that quite literally every time.]

< Or else I'll wake up tomorrow and feel bad (6) [Quoted]
< Isn't that passive aggressive? (6) [I will admit perhaps I am wrong, but I cannot think of why else you would say something so  obvious.]

> No need to be so passive aggressive about it (7) [Synchronicity]

< No you? (7) [I was quite shocked at that coincidence, as I was not being passive aggresssive, just literal.]
< This is too strange (7) [As above.]

> No I'm being straightforward aggressive (7) [You were, but after I took offence at the passive aggressive restatement.]

> Kek (8) [I see you've already made up your mind about what is happening, and nothing will change it. I do find the irony and synchronicity of the situation very amusing however, and that you use admittance of open aggression to justify certain behaviours.]
> Doesn't matter now anyway (8) [I also realise that because you're angry, I can't say what I wanted to say, and because you think im being passive aggressive, and you're being aggressive, we'll make no progress in the discussion, and it has morphed into an argument.]

< "kek" (8)
< Fucking hell (8)
< Why (9)
< Why do you do it (9) [Because you're doing it, you started it, and now you're acting frustratingly arrogant about it, as if you're infalliable, and I'm the root cause of all evil.]

> Because you're too mad to listen to what I was going to sat (9) {sic} [Trying to be honest]

< No I'm not, I can listen and control my anger if you stop being a fucking jerk (9) [You shouldn't imply I can't control myself, I've been making some serious headway on that. However even if you listen, it's not right to tell you under those circumstances.]

> It's like you think there's an off switch to instantly end talking (4) [Alright... I dunno why I jumped all the way back here, maybe I was trying to explain (9), but its not exactly the right thing to say.]
> I'm not trying to be (9) [If I was trying to be a jerk, I would have just gotten angry when you were passive aggressive and flamed you for trying to end the conversation, instead of attempting to explain the situation.]

< You are (9) [Why do you think I try to be rude, or try to be passive aggressive, or try to upset you. I don't think you try to upset me, you try to be aggressive sometimes, because you theorise its healthier and more direct, but I don't think you're malevolent. I'm not sure why you think I actively try to jeopardise things, espicially in situations where I'm trying to actively rectify problems.]

< .. (10) [We're just in a 'am not' 'are too' situation now, because you don't trust me.]

> So don't try lie (10) [This is the sentence that prompted this whole transcription, it just demonstrates a serious preconception about what my intentions are. I have absolutely nothing to gain from lying about whether or not I am trying to be a jerk. If I'm mad, I tell you. This is an established precedent you have no reason to question]
> Just say what you want to fucking say (11) [I get that you want me to just say it now, but initially you tried very hard to ensure the conversation didnt extend.]
> This doesnt need to be an argument because I got angry you did something dumb (12) [Again, you're justifying things via you being completely in the right, while I'm completely in the wrong.]

< I don't want to lie and I don't want to say it (11) [I genuinely thought maybe it'd calm you down more if I just told a white lie and brought up another thing, but I didnt want to lie, so I told you outright thats not the solution we want.]
< From my perspective you did something dumb (12) [I was trying to point out you were being conceited and very self centered by assuming you're in the right to get angry at me.]


> Then don't do either (11) [You're right to say this.]

< Which is what I mean by ugly (12) [I mean trying to terminate a conversation is ugly, dumb, and causes us issues that are easily avoiding by giving the slightest amount of notice.]
< Yeah well (13)
< Odd end to a conversation (13)
< Unnecessary (13) [Seriously cannot keep up with one slightly wet hand.]
< I'll talk when you wake up (14) [Better to not escalate more.]

> Your perspective comes from someone that goes straight to passive aggression because they don't get what they want because they don't feel in control. (12) [This is what I want to talk about primarily. You need to stop psycho-analysing extremely simple issues. I'm not jumping into passive aggression, I'm attempting to solve an issue. It's not about what I want, or feeling in control. I don't desire to be in control of when the conversation starts to end, you should be able to sleep when you want to sleep. You simple cannot expect for a conversation to immediately terminate however, it's extremely self centered and rude, and unacceptable behaviour. It is understanable in extreme circumstances, like when the conversation absolutely must end at that moment, but it is undesirable and otherwise causes issues. It is espicially inappropriate to attempt to guilt trip me into not speaking, and then proceed to start an argument when I do not accept this behaviour. Ironically, I would like to say, when you didn't get what you wanted, you went straight to outward aggression, because you didn't feel in control. Obviously it's a lot more complex than this though, in reality its more like, you're sick of arguments dragging on late at night, so you're trying to terminate the conversation as fast as humanly possible, and then you get frustrated that I don't accept this.]

This has already got a bit long, and I'm not sure it's going to be as helpful as I thought it was. Perhaps I'm simply barking up the wrong tree.

Part of why I'm upset is because you said issues like these are causing you to reevaluate being in a relationship with me, which is concerning, because communication is a two way street, we have to both talk about this in order to solve it.