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- 1
- 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,968
- Now, this is the fancy option.
- 2
- 00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,970
- Like what Mrs. Peanut
- would get married in.
- 3
- 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,555
- You think Mr. Peanut is straight?
- 4
- 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,890
- And this is the other option.
- 5
- 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,809
- But that one's just fun,
- 6
- 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,811
- like a pool float
- shaped like a piece of pizza.
- 7
- 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:24,774
- What? Your wedding is in three days,
- and you haven't chosen the dress yet?
- 8
- 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,986
- I know I'm being silly.
- Thank you for being so patient with me.
- 9
- 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:30,113
- Don't thank her. You're rich now.
- 10
- 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:33,033
- -And rich people can do whatever we want!
- -[crashes]
- 11
- 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,117
- [laughs]
- 12
- 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,661
- Oh, brother, this is hard.
- 13
- 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,747
- How do you choose between fancy and fun?
- 14
- 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:43,126
- Why choose? Just cut the butt
- out of the fancy one.
- 15
- 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,586
- Best of both worlds.
- 16
- 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,671
- I say don't pick the fun one.
- 17
- 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,758
- If you think something's fun,
- it's gonna be dumb and for babies.
- 18
- 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,347
- I'm gonna go with...
- 19
- 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:57,849
- the fun one!
- 20
- 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,977
- Sorry, Titus, but my wedding's
- going to be a lot of fun,
- 21
- 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:05,148
- and that dress is like a party on my body
- that everyone's invited to!
- 22
- 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,692
- There you go, hon! Piece of cake!
- 23
- 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,819
- Oh! That reminds me.
- 24
- 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,033
- -Where the hell did you get that?
- -Cake tasting.
- 25
- 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,703
- -But you didn't come to my cake tasting.
- -I can have my own cake tasting, Kimberly.
- 26
- 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,289
- Kimmy, I cannot wear this.
- 27
- 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,208
- Oh, don't worry. The wedding's indoors,
- 28
- 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,085
- so if it rains, the candy won't melt
- and attract bees.
- 29
- 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,545
- That's not what I was...
- 30
- 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,423
- Oh, my God! Titus! Are you kidding?
- 31
- 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,884
- If I were, you'd be chuckling right now.
- 32
- 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,928
- -Chuckling hard.
- -[exasperated sigh]
- 33
- 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,847
- As your agent, I can't let you eat that.
- 34
- 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,140
- Come on.
- 35
- 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,936
- You start shooting in two days.
- You're playing a Navy SEAL.
- 36
- 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:46,523
- You're supposed to be following
- Mark Wahlberg's workout regimen.
- 37
- 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:47,899
- "2:30 a.m., wake up."
- 38
- 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,943
- -Spit take.
- -"2:45 a.m., prayer time."
- 39
- 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,903
- -Pass.
- -"3:30 a.m., workout number one."
- 40
- 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,947
- -Number one?
- -"5:30 a.m., post-workout meal."
- 41
- 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,365
- -I can do that.
- -"7:00 a.m., golf."
- 42
- 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,574
- Why, bitch, why?
- 43
- 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,201
- This is a huge opportunity.
- 44
- 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,954
- You're the lead of a big action movie.
- 45
- 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,373
- Pull this off, and you'll be
- the first guest on Fallon
- 46
- 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,167
- instead of the guy that gets bumped
- because Bindi Irwin ran long.
- 47
- 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:09,128
- She brought an extra frog
- and didn't tell the producers!
- 48
- 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,005
- Now go to the gym.
- 49
- 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,342
- Fine.
- 50
- 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,386
- You know what?
- 51
- 00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,014
- I'll go to the gym.
- 52
- 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:22,475
- Am I lying?
- 53
- 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,562
- No.
- 54
- 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,275
- But if I was, that'd also be a lie.
- 55
- 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,944
- But I'm not. Or am I?
- 56
- 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,866
- [thuds, clatters]
- 57
- 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,285
- Off to the gym I go.
- 58
- 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,998
- [playful music]
- 59
- 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,792
- [sighs]
- 60
- 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,635
- Trying to make me exercise.
- 61
- 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,890
- I'm an actor. I can act like I got strong.
- 62
- 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:03,933
- Shoot.
- 63
- 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:08,813
- You don't tell me nothing.
- 64
- 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,773
- I'm just gonna...
- 65
- 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,776
- [snoring]
- 66
- 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,920
- [upbeat music]
- 67
- 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:37,967
- Kids are at gymnastics.
- 68
- 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,510
- Let's eat.
- 69
- 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,971
- A dream inspired by true events.
- 70
- 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,473
- Scrod, my darling?
- 71
- 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:48,645
- [gasps]
- 72
- 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,605
- Now let's make love.
- 73
- 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,276
- Come here. Yeah!
- 74
- 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,153
- This is a nightmare!
- 75
- 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,905
- Come here, you big old guy.
- 76
- 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:02,033
- -Please wake up!
- -Yeah! You know you want it!
- 77
- 00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:03,409
- I don't!
- 78
- 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,245
- Charlotte McKinney, get off of me!
- 79
- 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,834
- Boy, when you walk down the aisle
- in that dress,
- 80
- 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,796
- Frederick's gonna be all,
- "Ga-ga-ga-gooey!"
- 81
- 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,340
- And I can't wait to see you
- in your bridesmaid's dress.
- 82
- 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,176
- Titus's man purse is gonna be
- all over you!
- 83
- 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,260
- [grunts]
- 84
- 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:24,013
- -What's wrong, Jan?
- -I can't fit in my dress, okay?
- 85
- 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,640
- I can't lose the weight!
- 86
- 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:31,145
- I don't want to be the fat bridesmaid
- who has to wear the shawl, Kimmy.
- 87
- 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,189
- The shawl...
- 88
- 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:34,482
- Are you crazy?
- 89
- 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,734
- You couldn't lose any more weight
- if you wanted to.
- 90
- 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:37,944
- You're empty.
- 91
- 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,071
- See?
- 92
- 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,739
- [Jan laughs]
- 93
- 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,116
- That tickles!
- 94
- 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,576
- That hurts! Now it tickles again.
- 95
- 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,328
- You don't have anything.
- 96
- 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,914
- Wait. What the huh?
- 97
- 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,417
- What is it, Kimmy?
- A portal to a magical land?
- 98
- 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,918
- Quick! Hop in me!
- 99
- 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,211
- No.
- 100
- 00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,130
- [Kimmy] It's a book!
- 101
- 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,465
- A book?
- [sighs]
- 102
- 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,260
- That must be why I've been feeling so fat.
- 103
- 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,264
- Now that's what I call a diet book, huh?
- 104
- 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,932
- Wonderful!
- 105
- 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,643
- Oh, Jan, I wish I had your quick wit!
- 106
- 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,936
- [chuckles]
- 107
- 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,732
- My backpack is my funnest friend!
- 108
- 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:19,318
- Have you ever met a backpack this funny?
- 109
- 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:30,830
- Frederick?
- 110
- 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,499
- We're home! Frederick?
- 111
- 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,753
- Kimmy! Hello, my love.
- 112
- 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,259
- Oh, Jan! Have you lost weight?
- No shawl for you.
- 113
- 00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:44,594
- Oh, Frederick!
- 114
- 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,429
- Yeah! Look what I found inside her.
- 115
- 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,514
- A book! The thing you learn
- horse breeds from.
- 116
- 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,808
- Frederick, the entire time
- I was in the bunker,
- 117
- 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,227
- I had a whole other book
- I didn't even know about.
- 118
- 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,272
- A hundred books, actually,
- because it's a pick-your-own-journey,
- 119
- 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,441
- where you get to decide
- how the stories go.
- 120
- 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,151
- Oh, you mean, a "whence thither" book?
- 121
- 00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,569
- I gotta read this, like, now!
- 122
- 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,405
- Actually, there are some wedding details
- to be attended to.
- 123
- 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,366
- We still haven't chosen your somethings
- old, new, borrowed, and blue.
- 124
- 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,452
- Oh, I'll do it.
- You don't have to worry about that.
- 125
- 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,204
- I know, but I can't help it.
- 126
- 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,289
- I had such a peculiar childhood.
- 127
- 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,416
- Not like yours,
- which was truly awful. You win.
- 128
- 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,877
- But I am 12th in line
- to the throne of England.
- 129
- 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,506
- Eleventh, if Great-Uncle Uther turns out
- to be mostly corgi, as is rumored.
- 130
- 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:24,467
- His legs are pretty stumpy,
- and his tail...
- 131
- 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,010
- I've never had friends, really.
- 132
- 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,554
- Kim Jong-un was the only other student
- at L'Ãcole Porcverrues.
- 133
- 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,848
- I spent most of my life
- in the company of my nanny Fiona.
- 134
- 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,434
- Well, I'm glad at least
- she's coming to the wedding.
- 135
- 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,105
- Don't be cross with my family, darling.
- After all, I am marrying commoner trash.
- 136
- 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,523
- Their words.
- 137
- 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,316
- It's just, you know, this wedding,
- 138
- 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:43,945
- this could finally be the start
- of a normal life for The Scooch, huh?
- 139
- 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,115
- I'll have a cool new nickname,
- a beautiful American wife,
- 140
- 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,535
- and maybe we'll get to live
- in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
- 141
- 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,454
- That's a normal thing to do, isn't it?
- Harrisburg?
- 142
- 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:57,166
- Oh, Frederick, you can't just start
- talking about being normal
- 143
- 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,460
- in that cartoon fox Robin Hood accent.
- 144
- 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,254
- You know it gets my motor going.
- 145
- 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,338
- Right, I'm sorry.
- 146
- 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,757
- You're being
- a real smooch tease, Frederick.
- 147
- 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,634
- It hurts my area.
- 148
- 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,847
- Well, I suppose a third option
- would be practicing for our honeymoon.
- 149
- 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,433
- Oh, boy. I do like kissing you.
- 150
- 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,350
- And I you.
- 151
- 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,477
- But planning is also fun.
- 152
- 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,148
- [playful music]
- 153
- 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,906
- Of course, I'll help with the wedding.
- 154
- 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,409
- I know what it's like to feel
- like you missed out on stuff.
- 155
- 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,369
- That's one of the reasons
- we get on so well.
- 156
- 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,871
- That and the wonderful imaginations
- 157
- 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,415
- we both honed
- during our years of solitude.
- 158
- 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:39,083
- Right, RoboKimmy?
- 159
- 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,543
- [in robotic voice]
- You are correct.
- 160
- 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,211
- -[both laugh]
- -Splendid.
- 161
- 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,131
- Also, neither of us ever met our fathers.
- 162
- 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,842
- Mine took off,
- and yours died in childbirth.
- 163
- 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:49,635
- So I'm told.
- 164
- 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,722
- And yet, the tabloids still publish
- their nasty rumors
- 165
- 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,223
- about Mother's gardener.
- 166
- 00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,770
- I look nothing like the man.
- 167
- 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,357
- So, something old.
- 168
- 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,694
- How about Jan? I've had her forever.
- 169
- 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,156
- Your fourth-grade lizard died in me!
- 170
- 00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,742
- But do you think wearing a backpack
- 171
- 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,870
- will go with our wedding theme
- of "Cool Grownups"?
- 172
- 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,915
- What about that book of yours?
- 173
- 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,043
- It's old, but you didn't know you had it,
- so it's new to you.
- 174
- 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:24,128
- It's also blue!
- 175
- 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,671
- And it's borrowed, right?
- 176
- 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,758
- Because it's a library book!
- Nice one, The Scooch!
- 177
- 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,051
- [chuckles]
- 178
- 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,555
- What the H-E single C, single K?
- 179
- 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:38,392
- This book was checked out
- on April 24, 2003.
- 180
- 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,312
- That's five years after I got tooken.
- 181
- 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,358
- And you didn't attend
- Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High School.
- 182
- 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,277
- No, so it's not actually mine.
- 183
- 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:51,572
- So, it must belong to one of your chums
- from your underground terror pit.
- 184
- 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:52,531
- Your words.
- 185
- 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,618
- Right. One of the other Mole Women.
- 186
- 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,453
- It's just so weird, though.
- 187
- 00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,331
- Well, the mystery is solved easily enough.
- 188
- 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,628
- [exhales sharply]
- 189
- 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,004
- But which one do I call?
- 190
- 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,673
- Well, Cyndee's always fun.
- 191
- 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,174
- Oh, but what about Donna Maria?
- 192
- 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,802
- And who could forget Gretchen?
- Yes, this is hard.
- 193
- 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,429
- Eeny, meenie, miney, mo,
- catch a tiger by its toe--
- 194
- 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,764
- Oh, is that how you choose things here?
- 195
- 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,475
- In England, we say,
- "Jumpy Bumpy, out of the way,
- 196
- 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,893
- grab the cow and steal its hay.
- 197
- 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,521
- If the farmer comes about,
- Jumpy Bumpy, wiggle and shout."
- 198
- 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,857
- And then, we just make a measured decision
- about which option's best.
- 199
- 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,026
- [keypad beeping]
- 200
- 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,778
- [line ringing]
- 201
- 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,447
- [Cyndee] Hello?
- 202
- 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,907
- Hey, Cyndee, it's Kimmy.
- 203
- 00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:38,244
- Hey, Kimmy, how fancy
- is this weekend gonna be?
- 204
- 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:41,539
- Should I pack the gown
- that I wore on Celebrity Bachelorette?
- 205
- 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:44,750
- It's got a couple of holes in it
- from where Brandi Glanville bit me, but--
- 206
- 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,252
- I'm sure it's real nice.
- 207
- 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:51,465
- Listen, Cyn, I found an old library book
- that I think one of us had in the bunker.
- 208
- 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,009
- I'm going to stop you right there.
- 209
- 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,304
- I'm doing this new therapy
- where they erase your unwanted memories,
- 210
- 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,681
- so I don't know what "the bunker" is.
- 211
- 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,141
- You're just my New York friend!
- 212
- 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,060
- Well, it's just that I found it
- in my backpack.
- 213
- 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,439
- You mean Jan?
- No, it's all coming back at once.
- 214
- 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,774
- No. Why? What?
- 215
- 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:13,070
- Um, anyhoo, it's called
- The Mystery of the Mysterious Spy.
- 216
- 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,405
- Wait, that's not "yours's"?
- 217
- 00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:17,867
- Because the day that we were rescued,
- they found it with the Reverend's stuff.
- 218
- 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,411
- And it didn't belong to me
- or the other girls.
- 219
- 00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:23,205
- So the police must have put it in Jan.
- 220
- 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,540
- But it's not mine.
- 221
- 00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,585
- So, if it's not any of "ours's,"
- 222
- 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,379
- maybe there was another girl
- we didn't know about? Okay. Bye.
- 223
- 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,797
- [Kimmy] No, Cyndee, wait!
- 224
- 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,300
- Do you really think there was another girl
- that got kidnapped
- 225
- 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:35,426
- that we don't know about?
- 226
- 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:36,636
- Oh, gosh, I hope not.
- 227
- 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,763
- -Well, we have to do something.
- -[Cyndee] But what?
- 228
- 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,182
- The only person that knows the truth
- is Reverend Richard,
- 229
- 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:45,144
- and I am not getting anywhere near him
- because of some stuff I'm remembering.
- 230
- 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,188
- [Cyndee] What's that crank for?
- 231
- 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:51,108
- You want to go to Indiana
- three days before you get married?
- 232
- 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,320
- I have to figure out whose book this is.
- If there is another girl--
- 233
- 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,615
- I know this is important, but there is
- so much to be done before Saturday.
- 234
- 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,743
- If you need help with wedding stuff,
- Lillian doesn't have anything to do.
- 235
- 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:05,122
- I guess those cinder blocks
- just throw themselves off the overpass.
- 236
- 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,582
- I'll be back for the rehearsal.
- 237
- 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,710
- I don't want to spend a second more
- than I have to with that monster.
- 238
- 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,921
- The man who used to cheat at Clue!
- 239
- 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,675
- I don't know why that was my example.
- He did so much worse.
- 240
- 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,762
- This is going to be very hard for you.
- 241
- 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,598
- You shouldn't be going there alone.
- I'll go with you.
- 242
- 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:25,893
- No, you won't. You're supposed to be
- doing cardio in five minutes.
- 243
- 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:29,397
- Cardio? The erotic magician I dated
- in the early 2000s?
- 244
- 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,731
- Exercise!
- 245
- 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,442
- Kimmy is more important than any movie!
- 246
- 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,653
- And if I have to drop out of it
- to be there for her,
- 247
- 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,738
- then drop out I shall of it.
- 248
- 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,367
- To be honest, it would be nice
- to have a friend there with me.
- 249
- 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,663
- No, no. I'll go with you,
- and Titus can go to the gym.
- 250
- 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:49,208
- He has a costume fitting tomorrow,
- and my ass is on the line here, too.
- 251
- 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,962
- And I know what you're thinking,
- "What a lucky line," but this is serious.
- 252
- 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,714
- Boy, talk about a "sofa's" choice.
- 253
- 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,967
- Being a sofa must be hard.
- 254
- 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,344
- You two are perfect for each other.
- 255
- 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,056
- [playful music]
- 256
- 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,314
- I'm sorry, Jacqueline.
- 257
- 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,109
- You melted Madame Tussauds Conan O'Brien!
- 258
- 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,695
- [chuckles]
- This American insult comedy is wonderful.
- 259
- 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:21,115
- Titus, you've been my closest friend
- since the first day I came--
- 260
- 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,576
- Yes. Will we eat on the plane or--
- 261
- 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,910
- I've got another one!
- 262
- 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,329
- You drowned cruise ship
- birthday clown.
- 263
- 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,875
- I'll call Teterboro
- and have them fuel up my jet,
- 264
- 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,251
- Plane-O the SkyCar.
- 265
- 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,796
- We're going to fudging Indiana.
- 266
- 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,133
- [theme music]
- 267
- 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,849
- ⪠Unbreakable, they alive, dammit âª
- 268
- 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,476
- ⪠It's a miracle! âª
- 269
- 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,061
- ⪠Unbreakable, they alive, dammit âª
- 270
- 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:55,566
- ⪠But females are strong as hell
- Unbreakable, they alive, dammit âª
- 271
- 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,151
- ⪠It's a miracle âª
- 272
- 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,612
- ⪠Unbreakable, they alive, dammit âª
- 273
- 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:04,158
- That's gonna be... you know,
- a fascinatin' transition.
- 274
- 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,869
- ⪠Dammit! âª
- 275
- 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,499
- There are, like, dozens
- of Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High Schools
- 276
- 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,459
- in America. Why?
- 277
- 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,795
- It was a promotional stunt
- for the release of Iron Eagle 2.
- 278
- 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:17,922
- Got me to watch it.
- 279
- 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,965
- But there isn't one in Indiana.
- 280
- 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,425
- [sighs]
- 281
- 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,678
- If there is another girl,
- I don't even know where to start.
- 282
- 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,389
- And Dick Wayne isn't about to help me.
- 283
- 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,602
- I'm going to have to walk
- into that prison and outsmart him.
- 284
- 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,980
- It's like Silence of the Lambs.
- 285
- 00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:38,025
- Silence? Oh, no.
- 286
- 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,151
- When you kill them,
- 287
- 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:42,905
- lambs make, like, a human scream
- and then a rattling sound.
- 288
- 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,951
- [laughs]
- Silence! I wish!
- 289
- 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,416
- This is unacceptable.
- 290
- 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,504
- -Who has a plane with no foods on it?
- -There was a vegetable platter.
- 291
- 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:01,549
- "There was a vegetable platter."
- That's what you sound like.
- 292
- 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,300
- Visitor for Richard Wayne?
- 293
- 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,804
- Yes. That's me.
- 294
- 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,014
- Titus, wait here.
- 295
- 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,100
- I have to do this part alone.
- 296
- 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,355
- Good, because I am now stuck
- in a vending machine,
- 297
- 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,023
- and all I can reach are gums!
- 298
- 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,609
- [tense music]
- 299
- 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,403
- -[door alarm beeps]
- -[door opens]
- 300
- 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,539
- Well, well, well. What a surprise.
- 301
- 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,918
- Unlike every birthday I've ever had
- in here, despite the mini hints.
- 302
- 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,796
- Hello, Dick.
- 303
- 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,758
- Actually, I go by my prison gang name now.
- 304
- 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,511
- "Vete Pedófilo Blanco."
- 305
- 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:51,932
- I'll get down to beeswax.
- I've got to ask you some questions.
- 306
- 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,434
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 307
- 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,519
- We haven't seen each other
- in like five years.
- 308
- 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,855
- How about we make
- like a hot dog and ketch-up?
- 309
- 00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:01,775
- I forgot you put ketchup
- on hot dogs! You sicko!
- 310
- 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,445
- That's why I'm a sicko?
- I've done a lot worse.
- 311
- 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,031
- Remember Clue?
- God, why was that my example?
- 312
- 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,950
- Come on, Kimmy. You come all this way.
- 313
- 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,911
- Let's be sociable.
- 314
- 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:18,542
- I mean, the Kimmy Schmidt
- I allegedly kidnapped was at least polite.
- 315
- 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,420
- Or has New York changed you?
- 316
- 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:26,508
- Are you all like, "Oh, it's because
- of the water that the bagels are so good"?
- 317
- 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,094
- I'm not like that!
- 318
- 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,387
- Prove it!
- 319
- 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:34,183
- Fine. How is being in prison forever?
- 320
- 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:37,853
- Uh, both monotonous and violent.
- Thank you for asking.
- 321
- 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,522
- Hey, you catch that documentary
- I starred in?
- 322
- 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,734
- Nice to see how you stood by me
- this whole time.
- 323
- 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:49,949
- But then I heard you're engaged
- to some kind of prince?
- 324
- 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,825
- Yeah! I'm engaged.
- 325
- 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,411
- Frederick and I are registered at Tiffany,
- 326
- 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,122
- Build-a-Bear,
- and Sky Zone Trampoline Park.
- 327
- 00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,167
- It's just that we're already married.
- 328
- 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,338
- So you being engaged is weird, right?
- 329
- 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:09,176
- Like, almost as weird as me being
- the wife in one prison family
- 330
- 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,930
- and the baby in another prison family,
- oh, goo-goo ga-ga, Daddy!
- 331
- 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,057
- [Richard imitates baby crying]
- 332
- 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,063
- So when I want a divorce, it's like,
- 333
- 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:24,900
- "Oh, no, I don't want Richard to be happy
- because I'm still in love with him.
- 334
- 00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,986
- He's like the white half of Drake."
- 335
- 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,738
- -But now you want a divorce--
- -That's not even why I'm here.
- 336
- 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,991
- My lawyers are taking care
- of our "marriage"!
- 337
- 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,952
- Good luck with that,
- because this is Mike Pence country!
- 338
- 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,746
- To quote the Indiana state quarter,
- 339
- 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,958
- "A woman is bound to her husband
- as long as he liveth!"
- 340
- 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,543
- And I'm alive, dammit.
- 341
- 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,755
- Could a dead man dance like this?
- 342
- 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,264
- That's a little something for Team Coco.
- 343
- 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,807
- Now MJ!
- [yells]
- 344
- 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:57,725
- Innocent!
- 345
- 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,519
- [thuds]
- 346
- 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,147
- Oh, no!
- 347
- 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,982
- Jeepers, that sounded fatal!
- 348
- 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,820
- Whose book is this?
- I know there's another girl! Where is she?
- 349
- 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,613
- There's no other girl.
- 350
- 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,617
- It's "girls," plural.
- 351
- 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,369
- You dumdum.
- 352
- 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,999
- [coughs, gags]
- 353
- 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,919
- But where are they?
- 354
- 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,048
- Guess you'll never know.
- 355
- 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,134
- Now go get married, you crazy kid!
- 356
- 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,597
- We're gonna need
- some trash bags and a shovel
- 357
- 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,348
- in the visitors room, please.
- 358
- 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,189
- That doesn't seem
- like the right ending, does it?
- 359
- 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,566
- Who are you, me at Chipotle?
- 360
- 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:50,486
- Because you made some bad choices
- that affect everyone.
- 361
- 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,362
- We didn't even get to see Kimmy's dress!
- 362
- 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,656
- Which was going to be
- a disaster either way.
- 363
- 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,451
- That girl wearing white?
- It's tone-on-tone.
- 364
- 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,329
- I think someone, not moy,
- 365
- 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,790
- needs to go back
- and fix this sitch, bitch!
- 366
- 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:06,168
- Copyright Titus,
- a division of Titus AndromeCo.
- 367
- 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,464
- [reel rewinding]
- 368
- 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,299
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 369
- 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,135
- Come on, Kimmy. You come all this way.
- 370
- 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,096
- Let's be sociable.
- 371
- 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,681
- Or has New York changed you?
- 372
- 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:25,479
- Are you all like, "Oh, it's because
- of the water that the bagels are so good"?
- 373
- 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,649
- -I'm not like that!
- -Prove it!
- 374
- 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:33,737
- Where did you get that...
- 375
- 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,948
- thing I've never even seen before, ever?
- 376
- 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:39,785
- -What is that? Like, something you eat?
- -It's a book, Vete Pedófilo Blanco.
- 377
- 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,287
- And I think you know who it belongs to!
- 378
- 00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:45,290
- [laughs]
- 379
- 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:52,214
- Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy...
- 380
- 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,925
- That's my name. Don't wear it out.
- 381
- 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:57,261
- Maybe I want to wear it out... Kimmy.
- 382
- 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,975
- You think you're so smart, don't you?
- 383
- 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:06,395
- But you're just a dumb country girl
- 384
- 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:10,399
- with your cardboard shoes
- and your cheap wig.
- 385
- 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:11,775
- [Richard scoffs]
- 386
- 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,152
- Well, guess what.
- 387
- 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,238
- I've never even been to West Virginia.
- 388
- 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,032
- West Virginia.
- Is that where the school is?
- 389
- 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,994
- Wait. What? No. What? Dang it. What?
- 390
- 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,496
- All right, look here, Sister Kimmy.
- 391
- 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,791
- This is all just a game to me.
- 392
- 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,669
- I let the police find my Indiana bunker.
- 393
- 00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,881
- I mean, the one and only bunker.
- 394
- 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,300
- The only bunker, obviously.
- You misheard me!
- 395
- 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,427
- -There's another bunker?
- -You're another bunker!
- 396
- 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,680
- Oh, my golly. Cyndee was right!
- There is another girl!
- 397
- 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,640
- Well, "girls," plural, dumdum.
- 398
- 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,517
- God, Richard, shut up.
- 399
- 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,020
- Where is the bunker?
- How much food do they have?
- 400
- 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,521
- How many girls are there?
- 401
- 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,157
- I've got to get to West Virginia!
- 402
- 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:04,912
- [sighs]
- 403
- 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,213
- You have me seated with Buckley?
- 404
- 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:18,967
- Ding-dong! Who's ready to party
- like it's 1999?
- 405
- 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,930
- Oh, no! 1999? I'm down there again!
- 406
- 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,514
- He's cheating at Clue!
- 407
- 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,767
- I got bad news for you, kiddo.
- 408
- 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:31,104
- Kimmy had to blow town,
- so there is no bachelorette party.
- 409
- 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,147
- Crackers!
- 410
- 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:36,360
- I was so jazzed to hit the town
- and try to find the next Mr. Pokorny.
- 411
- 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:37,986
- Because my dad died!
- 412
- 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,156
- You know, ladies,
- nobody's throwing me a stag night.
- 413
- 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,450
- My best mate Fiona
- doesn't arrive until tomorrow
- 414
- 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,203
- because of a previously scheduled
- hysterectomy, so, um...
- 415
- 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,957
- Well, I could be your bachelorette.
- 416
- 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,753
- I did have a pretty wild night planned.
- 417
- 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:59,841
- And I get a VIP pass
- to every club in the city!
- 418
- 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:03,303
- And I let Lillian plan the party
- because she threatened me with her hammer.
- 419
- 00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:07,265
- Ooh! Joy of joys! Yes! Camaraderie!
- 420
- 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,642
- Yeah.
- 421
- 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:13,480
- Great party, "Kimmy's mom, I think."
- 422
- 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,607
- Looks like Frederick's having a good time.
- 423
- 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:19,903
- The whole world's a party
- when you never worked a day in your life.
- 424
- 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,655
- Oh, do you not like him?
- 425
- 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,616
- I mean, it does worry me
- that he's not American.
- 426
- 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,786
- I mean, is he just here to take jobs
- from our princes?
- 427
- 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:30,330
- Royals are all secretly broke.
- 428
- 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,916
- How do we know he's not just in it
- for her money?
- 429
- 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,628
- For Kimmy's sake, we got to see
- if this guy's on the up and up.
- 430
- 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:37,713
- But how?
- 431
- 00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:41,591
- ⪠North Korea is a paradise
- Of food and computers âª
- 432
- 00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,802
- -[laughs]
- -[applauds]
- 433
- 00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,722
- We just pick a sexy song,
- 434
- 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:51,893
- and then one of us gets up there
- and shakes all her moneymakers at him.
- 435
- 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,187
- It's a classic honeypot.
- 436
- 00:21:54,604 --> 00:21:57,232
- But which one of us should karaoke at him?
- 437
- 00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:01,653
- I mean, I'm Cyndee, and you're Lillian.
- 438
- 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:06,158
- Yeah, but I'm Lillian, and you're Cyndee.
- 439
- 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:13,123
- I'll do it... for Red.
- 440
- 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:21,173
- Is this the only song you got in English?
- 441
- 00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:23,383
- Forget about it. I'll make it work.
- 442
- 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:27,054
- ⪠Yes, we have no bananas âª
- 443
- 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:31,808
- ⪠We have no bananas today âª
- 444
- 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:36,938
- ⪠We have string beans and onions
- And cabbages and scallions âª
- 445
- 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,984
- ⪠And all kinds of fruit, and say âª
- 446
- 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:45,489
- ⪠But, yes, we have no bananas âª
- 447
- 00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:49,201
- ⪠We have no bananas today âª
- 448
- 00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:51,787
- [moans]
- 449
- 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:54,456
- [both gasp]
- 450
- 00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:55,999
- Fibbits, what have I done?
- 451
- 00:22:56,583 --> 00:22:58,585
- Lillian, I'm sorry, I didn't...
- 452
- 00:22:58,668 --> 00:23:01,546
- I'm not fumfering, per se.
- I just... Sorry!
- 453
- 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,673
- Sorry! Oh!
- 454
- 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,008
- Oh, Kimmy.
- 455
- 00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:08,845
- He went for it! I'm so mad!
- 456
- 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,431
- But also flat-out jazzed
- that I was part of a plan!
- 457
- 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,849
- [grumbles]
- 458
- 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:15,477
- [quirky music]
- 459
- 00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:23,360
- What kind of broke-ass airport is this?
- 460
- 00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:25,612
- Where's the Chili's To Go,
- 461
- 00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:27,697
- or the Asian restaurant
- with an all-black staff?
- 462
- 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,700
- Sorry, but this is the only town
- in West Virginia
- 463
- 00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:32,744
- with a Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High.
- 464
- 00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:34,371
- Frackwater.
- 465
- 00:23:34,454 --> 00:23:36,790
- That's 12 miles away. What am I, a car?
- 466
- 00:23:36,873 --> 00:23:38,875
- You were a car in Transformers 7.
- 467
- 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:42,212
- GLAAD and the NAACP issued
- a rare joint statement,
- 468
- 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,005
- calling my performance,
- quote, "upsetting."
- 469
- 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,590
- I'm ordering an Uber.
- 470
- 00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,303
- [cell phone beeps]
- 471
- 00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:53,140
- Mamadou is completing a trip
- in Little Rock, Arkansas.
- 472
- 00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:54,683
- He'll arrive in 4,000 minutes.
- 473
- 00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:59,729
- -Why are you turning that way, Mamadou?
- -That's so many minutes.
- 474
- 00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:01,231
- I think we should walk to town.
- 475
- 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:07,904
- We are looking for a silver Mazda.
- 476
- 00:24:07,988 --> 00:24:10,657
- -Titus, we have feet for a reason.
- -Diabetes containers.
- 477
- 00:24:10,740 --> 00:24:13,118
- And you hate waiting more than anything.
- I remember--
- 478
- 00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,871
- Is it my turn to talk yet?
- God, I hate waiting.
- 479
- 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,752
- Fine, we can walk.
- 480
- 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:24,880
- Even though these shoes
- were custom-made by Kanye
- 481
- 00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:27,424
- for hiding upstairs
- while they taped The Kardashians.
- 482
- 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,599
- Pep-step it, Titus! The clock is ticking.
- 483
- 00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:37,184
- We've got to find that junior high.
- 484
- 00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:39,644
- Maybe the librarian can tell us
- who checked out that book.
- 485
- 00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,855
- School has been out for hours.
- 486
- 00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,773
- We go there now,
- the only thing we're gonna find
- 487
- 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:45,567
- is genius janitors solving math problems.
- 488
- 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,611
- You need to feed and water your Tituses.
- 489
- 00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:49,529
- -[scoffs]
- -[cell phone vibrating]
- 490
- 00:24:51,698 --> 00:24:52,616
- What is it, Jorkeline?
- 491
- 00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:55,535
- [Jacqueline] You know how you told me
- to get you out of that action movie?
- 492
- 00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,579
- Well, good news. I didn't.
- 493
- 00:24:57,662 --> 00:24:59,497
- Judas! Because you're a traitor,
- 494
- 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,374
- not because I'm jealous
- you got to kiss Jesus.
- 495
- 00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:05,128
- Titus, you cannot drop out of a movie
- the week it starts shooting.
- 496
- 00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:08,340
- They built a whole Ukrainian village
- to blow up.
- 497
- 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:10,175
- You'd swear you were in Karabulut.
- 498
- 00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:13,386
- Do you know what this will do
- to your reputation if you bail?
- 499
- 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,013
- Give it a sexy, bad boy edge?
- 500
- 00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:16,431
- [Jacqueline] You'll be unhireable.
- 501
- 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:19,601
- You'll have to go back
- to making those stupid karaoke videos.
- 502
- 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,436
- In exchange for octopus!
- 503
- 00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:24,022
- I'll have to fire you as a client,
- you'll have a downward spiral,
- 504
- 00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:26,191
- then I'll get a book deal
- to tell my side of the story.
- 505
- 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:28,985
- I don't want to write a book, Titus.
- Don't do this to me.
- 506
- 00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:31,363
- -Jacqueline, I'm not coming--
- -[Jacqueline] I'm on set right now.
- 507
- 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,949
- I'll stall as long as I can.
- Just get here.
- 508
- 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:35,867
- Excuse me.
- 509
- 00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:38,995
- Yes, how can I help you?
- 510
- 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,580
- We just need Titus for a makeup test.
- 511
- 00:25:40,664 --> 00:25:41,623
- Absolutely not.
- 512
- 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:45,877
- Titus is not coming out of his trailer
- 513
- 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:48,546
- until this situation
- has been taken care of.
- 514
- 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:50,257
- Ah, I wasn't aware there was a problem.
- What's wrong?
- 515
- 00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,384
- I'll tell you exactly what's wrong.
- 516
- 00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,554
- Titus is upset about...
- 517
- 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:03,353
- [slurping]
- 518
- 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:11,569
- [slurping continues]
- 519
- 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,409
- Whatever is going on
- in the wardrobe department.
- 520
- 00:26:17,492 --> 00:26:18,451
- What's going on with--
- 521
- 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:22,455
- We've been waiting
- for Titus's pants for hours.
- 522
- 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,165
- Copy that. I'll take care of it.
- 523
- 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,167
- Can I get wardrobe on two, please?
- 524
- 00:26:27,127 --> 00:26:29,504
- I'll just be in here with Titus.
- [chuckles]
- 525
- 00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:33,550
- [thuds]
- 526
- 00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:40,265
- -[Titus] Are we there yet?
- -[train horn honking]
- 527
- 00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:43,268
- I'm going to go into that bar
- and ask some fellow citizens
- 528
- 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:44,853
- if they know anything
- about any missing girls.
- 529
- 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:46,062
- Uh-uh.
- 530
- 00:26:46,604 --> 00:26:48,982
- These aren't fellow citizens.
- These are folks.
- 531
- 00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:51,276
- They're not gonna cotton
- to some big-city sophisticate,
- 532
- 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:52,694
- and his pasty sidekick.
- 533
- 00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:55,530
- Big city? Titus, I'm from Indiana.
- 534
- 00:26:55,613 --> 00:26:58,241
- You're from Mississippi. We got this!
- 535
- 00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:00,660
- Who got this?
- 536
- 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,121
- [upbeat music]
- 537
- 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:06,041
- [background chatter]
- 538
- 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:09,336
- [music stops]
- 539
- 00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:13,923
- Can I help you, strangers?
- 540
- 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:20,972
- Say! Do you mind if I tickle
- your listening holes a mite?
- 541
- 00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:27,270
- Some girls gone missing
- last big old bunch of years ago!
- 542
- 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,942
- Go and get Benjy dressed
- and bring him down to the kitchen
- 543
- 00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:34,944
- where he won't wake them boys.
- 544
- 00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:36,237
- It's cold this morning!
- 545
- 00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,825
- Maybe you two should keep
- moving on down the road.
- 546
- 00:27:43,953 --> 00:27:45,080
- [scoffs]
- 547
- 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:48,083
- No wonder Hillary didn't even bother
- coming to towns like this.
- 548
- 00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,335
- We have to get them to talk to us.
- 549
- 00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:52,295
- That's it!
- 550
- 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,215
- We may not have a lot in common
- with these filthy hill creatures,
- 551
- 00:27:55,298 --> 00:27:57,258
- but no one doesn't love music!
- 552
- 00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:59,636
- Yeah! It's a universal language.
- 553
- 00:27:59,719 --> 00:28:01,805
- Just like how everybody knows this...
- 554
- 00:28:02,138 --> 00:28:04,516
- means, "Do you want to get
- a milkshake with me?"
- 555
- 00:28:04,599 --> 00:28:05,475
- [clears throat]
- 556
- 00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:08,061
- My golden voice will soothe
- these savage beasts.
- 557
- 00:28:08,144 --> 00:28:10,939
- Yeah, but what will you sing
- for this crowd?
- 558
- 00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:15,360
- "Free Bird"!
- 559
- 00:28:15,443 --> 00:28:17,195
- -I know that song!
- -You do?
- 560
- 00:28:17,445 --> 00:28:19,572
- I have a deep library, Kimmy.
- 561
- 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,074
- I better warm up.
- 562
- 00:28:22,575 --> 00:28:25,078
- [vocalizing]
- 563
- 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:34,587
- "Leave lard daddy's basement stings."
- 564
- 00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:38,341
- You know "Free Bird"?
- A song that guy wants to hear?
- 565
- 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:44,806
- Of course, I know "Free Bird."
- I'm from Mississippi.
- 566
- 00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:47,809
- All four years of high school English
- was the poetry of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
- 567
- 00:28:49,769 --> 00:28:53,106
- You heard the people. "Free Bird"!
- 568
- 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:55,108
- "Free Bird."
- 569
- 00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:57,861
- This one's for you, girl.
- 570
- 00:28:58,653 --> 00:29:00,697
- ["Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing]
- 571
- 00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:14,085
- ⪠If I leave here tomorrow âª
- 572
- 00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:21,634
- ⪠Would you still remember me? âª
- 573
- 00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:30,101
- ⪠For I must be traveling on now âª
- 574
- 00:29:30,810 --> 00:29:31,978
- [woman cheers]
- 575
- 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:38,067
- ⪠There's just too many places
- I got to see âª
- 576
- 00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:39,360
- Yeah!
- 577
- 00:29:42,405 --> 00:29:46,826
- ⪠But if I stay here with you, girl âª
- 578
- 00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,954
- [bar patrons cheering]
- 579
- 00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:54,709
- ⪠Things just couldn't be the same âª
- 580
- 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:03,009
- ⪠Because I'm free as a bird now âª
- 581
- 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:11,518
- ⪠And this bird you cannot change âª
- 582
- 00:30:11,851 --> 00:30:14,395
- ⪠Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh âª
- 583
- 00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:19,651
- ⪠Because this bird you cannot change âª
- 584
- 00:30:20,276 --> 00:30:22,529
- ⪠Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh âª
- 585
- 00:30:22,695 --> 00:30:29,619
- ⪠Lord help me, I can't change âª
- 586
- 00:30:30,745 --> 00:30:33,248
- [guitar playing]
- 587
- 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:37,502
- ⪠Fly, fly, fly, fly, free bird âª
- 588
- 00:30:39,045 --> 00:30:41,464
- ⪠Oh, yeah âª
- 589
- 00:30:43,841 --> 00:30:47,178
- ⪠Fly, fly, fly, free bird âª
- 590
- 00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:54,435
- ⪠Fly, fly, free bird âª
- 591
- 00:30:56,813 --> 00:30:58,565
- ⪠Play that guitar âª
- 592
- 00:30:59,899 --> 00:31:01,943
- ⪠And just you hear guitar âª
- 593
- 00:31:03,069 --> 00:31:04,571
- ⪠But there's drums âª
- 594
- 00:31:05,655 --> 00:31:07,073
- ⪠That's not a guitar âª
- 595
- 00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:16,541
- ⪠Free bird âª
- 596
- 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:20,378
- [bar patrons applauding]
- 597
- 00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,805
- How about a couple beers on the house?
- 598
- 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,015
- Actually, I'm famished.
- 599
- 00:31:32,098 --> 00:31:34,601
- And I'd love to ask you folks
- some questions.
- 600
- 00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:35,685
- Is that okay?
- 601
- 00:31:35,977 --> 00:31:37,353
- I guess that's question number one.
- 602
- 00:31:37,770 --> 00:31:39,606
- [laughs]
- 603
- 00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:42,275
- Anyone recognize this guy?
- 604
- 00:31:43,776 --> 00:31:47,405
- It would have been a while ago.
- He was probably wearing a different shirt.
- 605
- 00:31:47,488 --> 00:31:48,698
- I seen that face.
- 606
- 00:31:48,781 --> 00:31:49,782
- Where? When? Think back!
- 607
- 00:31:50,116 --> 00:31:54,787
- It must have been two, three hours ago.
- He shaved the beard, though.
- 608
- 00:31:54,871 --> 00:31:56,205
- You saw him today?
- 609
- 00:31:56,289 --> 00:31:57,916
- Yeah, I work over at the Kroger's,
- 610
- 00:31:57,999 --> 00:32:02,712
- and that man traded me a whole mess
- of cigarettes for tampons and beans.
- 611
- 00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:04,589
- He escaped from prison?
- 612
- 00:32:04,672 --> 00:32:06,549
- He... he got beans?
- 613
- 00:32:06,633 --> 00:32:07,884
- Did you see which way he went?
- 614
- 00:32:07,967 --> 00:32:11,638
- Well, he asked me, "What's the shortest
- way to Peabody Falls?"
- 615
- 00:32:11,721 --> 00:32:12,889
- Peabody Falls. Where is that?
- 616
- 00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:15,224
- About 100 miles west as the crow walks.
- 617
- 00:32:15,683 --> 00:32:19,604
- I'm telling you, there is something wrong
- with the crows around here!
- 618
- 00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:24,025
- Can anyone here sell us their car?
- 619
- 00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:28,696
- This watch was a gift
- from Hello Kitty herself.
- 620
- 00:32:28,780 --> 00:32:30,490
- The whole cat face is diamonds!
- 621
- 00:32:30,573 --> 00:32:33,910
- Well, she ain't fast,
- but she'll get you where you need to go.
- 622
- 00:32:33,993 --> 00:32:36,913
- And I sure could use that money
- for opioids and such.
- 623
- 00:32:36,996 --> 00:32:38,039
- It's an epidemic.
- 624
- 00:32:40,458 --> 00:32:41,417
- Come on, Titus!
- 625
- 00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:42,752
- Well, I haven't ordered yet.
- 626
- 00:32:42,835 --> 00:32:45,964
- And they've got squirrel.
- It's the scrod of the mountains!
- 627
- 00:32:46,339 --> 00:32:48,341
- [thrilling music]
- 628
- 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:11,823
- How did the Reverend get out of prison?
- 629
- 00:33:11,906 --> 00:33:13,241
- I saw him yesterday!
- 630
- 00:33:14,158 --> 00:33:16,869
- He is super sneaky,
- and he has a white belt in karate.
- 631
- 00:33:17,370 --> 00:33:20,707
- [Kimmy] So either it was some sneaky plan
- or karate!
- 632
- 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:31,801
- Hm?
- 633
- 00:33:33,302 --> 00:33:35,054
- -[officer] All good, Sandy?
- -[radio beeps]
- 634
- 00:33:35,555 --> 00:33:37,265
- Yep, everything is secure in here.
- 635
- 00:33:40,810 --> 00:33:44,772
- Okay, prisoner friend, I'll be back
- to visit you next week, like I always do.
- 636
- 00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:47,859
- He's lucky to have a friend like you.
- Cool jumpsuit!
- 637
- 00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:50,737
- Hey, thank you!
- Look how nonchalant I'm being.
- 638
- 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:52,488
- Not at all chalant.
- 639
- 00:33:52,655 --> 00:33:53,906
- [chuckles]
- 640
- 00:33:59,912 --> 00:34:01,873
- It doesn't matter
- how he escaped from prison.
- 641
- 00:34:01,956 --> 00:34:05,501
- He's definitely headed to the bunker
- if he's got tampons and beans.
- 642
- 00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:07,336
- We've gotta rescue those beans.
- 643
- 00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:08,921
- I mean, beans.
- 644
- 00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:10,423
- Whoa!
- 645
- 00:34:10,673 --> 00:34:14,177
- Kimmy, I care about you. I love you!
- 646
- 00:34:14,260 --> 00:34:17,096
- And I'll do whatever it takes
- to rescue those beans!
- 647
- 00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:22,810
- What the hell?
- 648
- 00:34:23,019 --> 00:34:26,522
- Kimmy can't even show up to the rehearsal
- for her wedding to a freaking prince?
- 649
- 00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:30,443
- She doesn't deserve to be with him.
- Oh, God, now I'm picturing them together!
- 650
- 00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:33,237
- Ew, Kimmy, stop smiling so much!
- 651
- 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,448
- Lillian! Why are we here?
- 652
- 00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:37,450
- Didn't you call Kimmy?
- 653
- 00:34:37,533 --> 00:34:40,578
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Where are my manners? I love you.
- 654
- 00:34:40,661 --> 00:34:44,290
- Listen, I just can't be the one
- to break it to her.
- 655
- 00:34:44,373 --> 00:34:47,835
- I already accidentally told her
- about 9/11.
- 656
- 00:34:48,085 --> 00:34:50,296
- Nine-eleven? What's that?
- 657
- 00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:56,219
- But if they were all Saudis,
- why did we invade Iraq?
- 658
- 00:34:56,552 --> 00:34:57,512
- Well...
- 659
- 00:34:57,929 --> 00:35:03,810
- But when I went into the bunker,
- solar power was going--
- 660
- 00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:05,812
- Hey!
- 661
- 00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:09,148
- Look what the cat dragged in.
- 662
- 00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:11,025
- Are we still doing this?
- 663
- 00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:13,820
- Or did you tell Kimmy
- what happened twixt our mouths?
- 664
- 00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:19,200
- Oh, just imagining the look
- on her goony face, I couldn't do it.
- 665
- 00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:22,829
- This is your mess, Freddy!
- You gotta tell her.
- 666
- 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:23,913
- I know.
- 667
- 00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:27,333
- Do you think
- a different accent would help?
- 668
- 00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:31,212
- English just sounds so awful
- because it's what Nazis have in films.
- 669
- 00:35:31,879 --> 00:35:34,549
- I could do it in American, bro.
- She's going to straight-up dump me.
- 670
- 00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:35,842
- Bazinga! No.
- 671
- 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:39,095
- And my nanny Fiona flew
- all the way from England for this.
- 672
- 00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:43,266
- Some caviar and those
- little purple potatoes with cream.
- 673
- 00:35:43,766 --> 00:35:46,227
- Hold up. That's your nanny?
- 674
- 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:47,270
- Mm-hm.
- 675
- 00:35:47,353 --> 00:35:48,771
- She was to be my best ma'am.
- 676
- 00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:52,191
- Oh, hello! There's my good boy.
- 677
- 00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:56,362
- But I'm not a good boy. I'm the opposite.
- 678
- 00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:57,822
- I'm a bad girl!
- 679
- 00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:05,288
- You know, maybe don't tell Kimmy
- about our mouth stuff just yet.
- 680
- 00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:07,582
- I think maybe you're all mixed up
- 681
- 00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:12,128
- because I remind you of the only person
- whoever gave a rat's ass about you.
- 682
- 00:36:12,211 --> 00:36:14,005
- The only person... Well, that's not true.
- 683
- 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:17,091
- What's your relationship like
- with your mother?
- 684
- 00:36:17,174 --> 00:36:18,384
- We've met on several occasions.
- 685
- 00:36:18,467 --> 00:36:20,678
- How many girlfriends have you had?
- 686
- 00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,054
- -Including Kimmy?
- -Yeah.
- 687
- 00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:23,055
- One.
- 688
- 00:36:23,139 --> 00:36:24,932
- Kimmy's much more experienced than me.
- 689
- 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,018
- Oh, jeez!
- 690
- 00:36:27,768 --> 00:36:30,271
- I just don't know
- what to tell you, Freddy.
- 691
- 00:36:30,354 --> 00:36:33,232
- You're in no condition to marry anybody.
- 692
- 00:36:33,316 --> 00:36:35,359
- You're like a little boy.
- 693
- 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:37,612
- But that's exactly why I want
- to get married, Lillian.
- 694
- 00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:41,073
- I want a wife and a family
- and a salad spinner. I just...
- 695
- 00:36:41,490 --> 00:36:44,160
- I want to be normal.
- Please, Lillian, help me.
- 696
- 00:36:44,243 --> 00:36:46,287
- I will do anything
- to be good enough for Kimmy.
- 697
- 00:36:46,787 --> 00:36:49,749
- Then you need
- some life experience, pronto!
- 698
- 00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:52,043
- You got two options.
- 699
- 00:36:52,126 --> 00:36:54,921
- Either you let me cram it into you,
- 700
- 00:36:55,004 --> 00:36:58,883
- or you see if you can get it
- from your nanny over there.
- 701
- 00:37:01,135 --> 00:37:04,764
- Jumpy Bumpy, out of the way.
- Grab the cow, steal his hay.
- 702
- 00:37:04,972 --> 00:37:09,727
- If the farmer comes about,
- Jumpy Bumpy, wiggle and shout.
- 703
- 00:37:11,479 --> 00:37:12,688
- And I decide...
- 704
- 00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,440
- Fix me, Lillian.
- 705
- 00:37:14,523 --> 00:37:16,234
- Like a broken-hearted
- little Humpty Dumpty,
- 706
- 00:37:16,317 --> 00:37:18,236
- scoop up my yoke
- and tape my shell back together,
- 707
- 00:37:18,319 --> 00:37:21,113
- and make me
- a happy little normal, eggy boy.
- 708
- 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:25,952
- For Kimmy's sake,
- I'm going to make a man out of you.
- 709
- 00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:29,455
- We're going to need a hotel room.
- 710
- 00:37:29,747 --> 00:37:31,874
- A hotel room? My word.
- 711
- 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:33,376
- Yeah!
- 712
- 00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:36,254
- Are we not doing the rehearsal?
- 713
- 00:37:36,879 --> 00:37:39,131
- I came to Midtown for this!
- 714
- 00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:41,801
- I'm putting a curse on all of you.
- 715
- 00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:44,887
- [quirky music]
- 716
- 00:37:47,014 --> 00:37:49,225
- [snoring]
- 717
- 00:37:51,852 --> 00:37:53,562
- [engine stops]
- 718
- 00:37:54,313 --> 00:37:56,274
- -I'm not asleep!
- -Why am I awake?
- 719
- 00:37:57,066 --> 00:37:59,694
- It's 2:30 in the damn morning!
- 720
- 00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:01,821
- That's when Mark Wahlbergs wake up!
- 721
- 00:38:01,904 --> 00:38:02,822
- [clatters]
- 722
- 00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:05,491
- -Come on!
- -Dang it, we're out of gas!
- 723
- 00:38:07,493 --> 00:38:09,912
- Double dang it!
- There's no reception out here!
- 724
- 00:38:12,873 --> 00:38:14,709
- That's it. We're walking.
- 725
- 00:38:24,051 --> 00:38:26,387
- [upbeat music]
- 726
- 00:38:34,687 --> 00:38:38,441
- Titus Andromedon is not supposed to die
- on a mountain like a bored white person.
- 727
- 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,152
- He's supposed to be choked to death
- at the Met Gala!
- 728
- 00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:44,905
- What in the moose is that juice?
- 729
- 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,616
- It's aliens.
- 730
- 00:38:49,201 --> 00:38:53,080
- You can probe whatever,
- just drop me off back in New York!
- 731
- 00:38:53,831 --> 00:38:54,874
- [Kimmy] Hello?
- 732
- 00:38:57,043 --> 00:38:58,085
- -Hello?
- -[Titus] Um...
- 733
- 00:38:58,169 --> 00:39:00,046
- Hello, Mr. Alien, sir?
- 734
- 00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:02,006
- You're here for Festeroo?
- 735
- 00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:06,510
- Okay, make the sale, Junior.
- You're a sales panther.
- 736
- 00:39:06,594 --> 00:39:08,763
- Oh, I didn't see you there.
- 737
- 00:39:09,847 --> 00:39:12,725
- -What did the Fyre Festival do wrong?
- -Everything.
- 738
- 00:39:12,808 --> 00:39:16,103
- The brochure said
- you get to swim with pigs.
- 739
- 00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:19,940
- But you didn't meet a pig!
- Well, not anymore.
- 740
- 00:39:22,485 --> 00:39:23,527
- [pig snorts]
- 741
- 00:39:23,986 --> 00:39:26,113
- I knew if I had my own music festival...
- 742
- 00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:29,450
- Well, and also, my dad's like,
- "Fine, I'll pay for it! Just go away!"
- 743
- 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:32,578
- Then blammo! Festeroo!
- 744
- 00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:37,875
- -Can you tell us--
- -Not great, to be honest.
- 745
- 00:39:38,167 --> 00:39:41,712
- Insane Clown Posse said they'd headline,
- but they just stole my car.
- 746
- 00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:44,507
- Festeroo started three days ago,
- and no one even showed up,
- 747
- 00:39:44,590 --> 00:39:47,009
- which is bad, because I brought drugs
- for a thousand.
- 748
- 00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:49,553
- I can't even remember
- what I'm on right now.
- 749
- 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,972
- We're in a hurry.
- We need to get to Peabody Falls.
- 750
- 00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:55,059
- So can we borrow a couple
- of your stupid adult tricycles?
- 751
- 00:39:55,142 --> 00:39:58,187
- For sure. Right after I eat your faces!
- 752
- 00:39:58,854 --> 00:40:00,314
- Bath salts. I'm on bath salts.
- 753
- 00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:01,649
- -No!
- -[grunts]
- 754
- 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:05,403
- -Stop it!
- -No can do, dragon!
- 755
- 00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:07,863
- Animals!
- 756
- 00:40:07,947 --> 00:40:09,448
- Titus, get the bikes!
- 757
- 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:14,245
- Worst spring break ever!
- 758
- 00:40:19,458 --> 00:40:21,794
- Mr. Andromedon? It's wardrobe.
- 759
- 00:40:23,003 --> 00:40:24,505
- Good one, Titus.
- 760
- 00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:27,007
- Black people are always doing that.
- 761
- 00:40:28,134 --> 00:40:31,720
- Oh, you found the pants.
- 762
- 00:40:32,054 --> 00:40:33,222
- I'm so pleased.
- 763
- 00:40:33,305 --> 00:40:34,932
- No, we didn't, actually,
- 764
- 00:40:35,015 --> 00:40:37,685
- but there was some leftover fabric
- down at the warehouse,
- 765
- 00:40:37,768 --> 00:40:40,938
- so I drove there,
- stayed up all night sewing,
- 766
- 00:40:41,021 --> 00:40:43,274
- and if I could get these on him
- for one final fitting...
- 767
- 00:40:43,524 --> 00:40:48,654
- Look, the last thing I want to do
- is drag this out, believe me.
- 768
- 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:51,115
- -But I can't let you go in there.
- -What? Why?
- 769
- 00:40:51,699 --> 00:40:54,452
- Why? Oh, my God.
- 770
- 00:40:54,743 --> 00:40:55,995
- What is your name?
- 771
- 00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:57,246
- Jenny.
- 772
- 00:40:57,329 --> 00:40:58,372
- Jenny...
- 773
- 00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,960
- what am I going to do with you?
- 774
- 00:41:15,097 --> 00:41:16,682
- Something nice? I don't...
- 775
- 00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:22,938
- Lookit, we both know
- this isn't about the pants, Jenny.
- 776
- 00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:24,231
- It's not?
- 777
- 00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:27,234
- Titus feels unsafe around you.
- 778
- 00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:29,403
- I haven't met him.
- 779
- 00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:33,991
- So he should trust a stranger?
- Why are you being so weird right now?
- 780
- 00:41:34,074 --> 00:41:35,784
- I'm so confused.
- 781
- 00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:37,161
- I haven't slept.
- 782
- 00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:41,582
- Okay, you can run your little games,
- if that's what they all love about you,
- 783
- 00:41:41,665 --> 00:41:43,709
- but I don't care what she thinks.
- 784
- 00:41:43,792 --> 00:41:47,588
- We need to make this right,
- or they will tell everyone.
- 785
- 00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:51,425
- -What? It's too many pronouns. I--
- -Let me help you.
- 786
- 00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:56,096
- Start by writing a letter of apology.
- Be specific, okay?
- 787
- 00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:58,390
- Titus will respect your honesty.
- 788
- 00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:00,351
- Oh, I don't want you to get fired,
- 789
- 00:42:00,434 --> 00:42:03,062
- because I'm basically
- your only friend here at this point.
- 790
- 00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:04,897
- But I'm really close with Jess.
- 791
- 00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:07,483
- Oh, my God, honey, he or she hates you.
- 792
- 00:42:07,566 --> 00:42:08,609
- What?
- 793
- 00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:10,778
- We're gonna get through this. I love you.
- 794
- 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:15,741
- And make sure the letter is typed
- because he can't read cursive.
- 795
- 00:42:15,824 --> 00:42:17,701
- I don't have access to a printer.
- 796
- 00:42:17,826 --> 00:42:19,662
- Rooting for you!
- 797
- 00:42:28,170 --> 00:42:29,797
- [Titus] I'm so hungry.
- 798
- 00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:32,841
- All my puns are failing.
- 799
- 00:42:33,217 --> 00:42:36,095
- I'm Tuba Gooding, Jr. Is that something?
- 800
- 00:42:36,178 --> 00:42:38,889
- No, Titus, it's nothing, I'm sorry.
- 801
- 00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,266
- But we have to keep going.
- 802
- 00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:46,522
- Why do these chocolates I stole
- from the alien taste like mushrooms?
- 803
- 00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:50,109
- Why are you a cartoon right now?
- 804
- 00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:51,735
- Oh, boy.
- 805
- 00:42:51,944 --> 00:42:55,239
- Titus, I think those chocolates
- may have been a drug joint!
- 806
- 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,033
- I don't think so, dragons.
- 807
- 00:42:59,743 --> 00:43:00,744
- Oh...
- 808
- 00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:03,956
- There's a table full of food.
- 809
- 00:43:04,164 --> 00:43:05,541
- ⪠What a day âª
- 810
- 00:43:05,624 --> 00:43:09,336
- ⪠Fortune smiled and came my way âª
- 811
- 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:13,924
- ⪠Bringing love I never thought I'd see âª
- 812
- 00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:17,052
- ⪠I'm so lucky to be me âª
- 813
- 00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:18,971
- [groans]
- 814
- 00:43:19,054 --> 00:43:20,681
- I'm living my best life.
- 815
- 00:43:21,056 --> 00:43:22,474
- Titus, get up!
- 816
- 00:43:22,558 --> 00:43:24,310
- You're having a drug hallucination!
- 817
- 00:43:27,229 --> 00:43:28,606
- You want some pasta salad?
- 818
- 00:43:28,689 --> 00:43:30,316
- No! I...
- 819
- 00:43:31,191 --> 00:43:34,028
- Titus, look! There's a gas station!
- 820
- 00:43:40,117 --> 00:43:41,118
- No!
- 821
- 00:43:49,084 --> 00:43:50,085
- Buying or robbing?
- 822
- 00:43:50,169 --> 00:43:51,170
- -Buying! Buying!
- -Buying!
- 823
- 00:43:51,712 --> 00:43:53,964
- Well, what do you know? Come on in.
- 824
- 00:43:55,507 --> 00:43:58,385
- Sir, we're trying to get to Peabody Falls.
- 825
- 00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,929
- Can you show me where it is
- on this West Virginia quarter?
- 826
- 00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:03,307
- -I don't have a map.
- -Gas station jerky?
- 827
- 00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:05,100
- Bingo.
- 828
- 00:44:05,267 --> 00:44:06,935
- You're in Peabody Falls.
- 829
- 00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:08,812
- But where's the town?
- 830
- 00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:10,689
- Town? No!
- 831
- 00:44:10,773 --> 00:44:13,067
- Peabody Falls belongs to the coal company.
- 832
- 00:44:13,150 --> 00:44:16,236
- Eight hundred square miles
- of 'sploded mountains and slurry lakes,
- 833
- 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,280
- 20 times the size of Disney World.
- 834
- 00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:21,116
- To put that in perspective, I'm
- one-millionth the size of Disney World.
- 835
- 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,243
- -What? No.
- -Am so.
- 836
- 00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:25,162
- The Reverend is hours ahead of us.
- 837
- 00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:27,414
- And now we don't even know
- where we're going.
- 838
- 00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:29,458
- Wait.
- 839
- 00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:33,754
- That dude was just in here
- trying to buy gasoline with handjobs.
- 840
- 00:44:34,046 --> 00:44:36,882
- He got a full tank of gas,
- I gave him a rose, then he left.
- 841
- 00:44:36,965 --> 00:44:39,426
- You saw him?
- Were there any girls in his van?
- 842
- 00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:42,221
- No, but I bet he could get
- a slop-jar full of them.
- 843
- 00:44:42,304 --> 00:44:43,555
- Dude's a white ten.
- 844
- 00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:46,100
- -Which way was he going?
- -That a-ways.
- 845
- 00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:48,769
- Titus, we gotta go.
- 846
- 00:44:48,852 --> 00:44:51,146
- -But I found Gatorade!
- -Just leave the money on the counter.
- 847
- 00:44:51,230 --> 00:44:54,024
- I gotta scoot home and move
- my court-ordered ankle monitor around,
- 848
- 00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,651
- so the cops think I'm there.
- 849
- 00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:58,237
- The Reverend was here.
- We've still got time!
- 850
- 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,406
- -[baby coos]
- -[both gasp]
- 851
- 00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:03,992
- [engine revving]
- 852
- 00:45:04,284 --> 00:45:05,953
- Did he just leave his kid here?
- 853
- 00:45:06,745 --> 00:45:09,373
- Don't touch it!
- Or the mother won't take it back.
- 854
- 00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:10,624
- So, what are we going to do?
- 855
- 00:45:10,707 --> 00:45:12,376
- We can't take the baby
- on the stupid bikes.
- 856
- 00:45:12,459 --> 00:45:15,504
- -Girl, you can't take a baby, period.
- -So, what you're just gonna leave it here?
- 857
- 00:45:15,587 --> 00:45:19,675
- Listen, if a baby can live alone
- inside a woman for nine months,
- 858
- 00:45:19,758 --> 00:45:21,468
- it will be fine here for an hour.
- 859
- 00:45:22,177 --> 00:45:23,470
- [Kimmy] Holy ship, with a P!
- 860
- 00:45:31,270 --> 00:45:34,481
- Okay, we'll just wait here
- until he gets back,
- 861
- 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,734
- and then we'll use our tricycles
- to catch the Reverend's van.
- 862
- 00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:38,986
- -[grunts]
- -[thwacks]
- 863
- 00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:42,531
- Believe me, I'm fine not tricycling.
- 864
- 00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:45,492
- But if you want to catch the Reverend
- and give him what for, et cetera,
- 865
- 00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:46,869
- we gotta go!
- 866
- 00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:48,787
- -[exasperated sigh]
- -[baby blabbers]
- 867
- 00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,214
- Fudge, fudge, fudge!
- 868
- 00:46:00,716 --> 00:46:02,134
- Can it, baby! I'm thinking!
- 869
- 00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:06,805
- -[baby wails]
- -I can't do it. I can't leave Sharon.
- 870
- 00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:08,307
- I named her Sharon.
- 871
- 00:46:08,390 --> 00:46:10,767
- Wait a minute. Hanging out with a baby?
- 872
- 00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:13,187
- That's family time.
- That's on the damn Marky Mark schedule.
- 873
- 00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:15,355
- [sniffs, grunts]
- 874
- 00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:19,485
- I think Sharon sugared her fudging diaper.
- Throw me something to clean her up with.
- 875
- 00:46:20,235 --> 00:46:22,196
- If I gotta do all this work...
- 876
- 00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:26,992
- I will be compensated.
- 877
- 00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:32,080
- Ooh!
- 878
- 00:46:32,998 --> 00:46:36,960
- These might as well be a clown in a sewer,
- because they are It.
- 879
- 00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:43,091
- [sneezes]
- 880
- 00:46:43,967 --> 00:46:48,263
- [Kimmy singing] ⪠The wheels on the bus
- Go round and round, round and round âª
- 881
- 00:46:48,347 --> 00:46:52,559
- Girl, you're giving that child
- unrealistic expectations of buses.
- 882
- 00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:56,772
- ⪠The guy off his meds
- Is yelling about God âª
- 883
- 00:46:56,897 --> 00:46:58,106
- ⪠Alphabetizing coupons... âª
- 884
- 00:46:58,190 --> 00:46:59,525
- Well, good news.
- 885
- 00:46:59,608 --> 00:47:01,944
- Closed all my windows
- and put the monitor on a raccoon,
- 886
- 00:47:02,027 --> 00:47:03,695
- so I am good for a while.
- 887
- 00:47:03,779 --> 00:47:05,197
- Come on, Titus, let's move!
- 888
- 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,282
- Oh! Thanks for watching Sharon.
- 889
- 00:47:07,366 --> 00:47:09,201
- No way! I was right!
- 890
- 00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:15,249
- Want to play with daddy's lighter?
- 891
- 00:47:19,211 --> 00:47:20,254
- Slow down!
- 892
- 00:47:25,217 --> 00:47:28,595
- You know what? I don't mean
- to make a joke, but you're a prince.
- 893
- 00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:30,097
- -[Frederick chuckles]
- -Where have you been?
- 894
- 00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:32,808
- Not everywhere, ever,
- but from last night until now!
- 895
- 00:47:32,891 --> 00:47:36,520
- I was at the hotel, fixing the prince.
- 896
- 00:47:36,603 --> 00:47:38,855
- And I fixed him good.
- 897
- 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,611
- You got a lot of living
- to make up for, kiddo.
- 898
- 00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:46,446
- -Are we really doing this?
- -Yep!
- 899
- 00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:49,366
- You missed a lifetime of lame girlfriends
- 900
- 00:47:49,449 --> 00:47:51,743
- who don't hold a candle to Kimmy Schmidt,
- 901
- 00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:55,455
- and I'm going to introduce you
- to all them.
- 902
- 00:47:56,123 --> 00:47:58,750
- You were, like, so mean to me.
- 903
- 00:47:58,834 --> 00:47:59,793
- What? When?
- 904
- 00:47:59,876 --> 00:48:02,588
- In a past life. We were fish.
- 905
- 00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:08,343
- How could you forget
- our seven-week anniversary?
- 906
- 00:48:09,678 --> 00:48:11,013
- -[Lillian grunts]
- -[glass shatters]
- 907
- 00:48:11,388 --> 00:48:14,891
- Why am I paying to send
- your ex-boyfriend to rehab?
- 908
- 00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:22,774
- Because if he wasn't in there,
- he'd kill you.
- 909
- 00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,276
- What?
- 910
- 00:48:25,110 --> 00:48:27,779
- Oh, Jesus! That's a real gun?
- 911
- 00:48:28,655 --> 00:48:33,327
- J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!
- 912
- 00:48:33,410 --> 00:48:36,246
- That last one
- was from personal experience.
- 913
- 00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:41,418
- So, you two didn't have C-E-C,
- 914
- 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:44,463
- T-C-H-S?
- 915
- 00:48:46,715 --> 00:48:47,966
- -What?
- -Cyndee, are you okay?
- 916
- 00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:48,925
- Sex!
- 917
- 00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:52,804
- No, all I did was show him
- what he isn't missing
- 918
- 00:48:52,888 --> 00:48:57,142
- and that pretty much everyone
- other than Kimmy is just the worst.
- 919
- 00:48:57,517 --> 00:49:00,395
- -Now I'm ready to get married.
- -Yeah, he is.
- 920
- 00:49:00,896 --> 00:49:03,815
- I have somewhere to go tomorrow!
- [giggles]
- 921
- 00:49:04,316 --> 00:49:06,693
- [lively music]
- 922
- 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,329
- Which way do we go?
- 923
- 00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:20,457
- Do you see any tire tracks
- or a bunker hatch or girlses?
- 924
- 00:49:20,540 --> 00:49:22,584
- Which way? How do we choose?
- 925
- 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:24,711
- Maybe you can help us.
- 926
- 00:49:25,587 --> 00:49:27,756
- -What are you doing?
- -I don't know, I ate drugs.
- 927
- 00:49:28,006 --> 00:49:30,217
- Come on, Kimmy. Figure it out!
- 928
- 00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:35,013
- Why did the Reverend bother
- breaking out in the first place?
- 929
- 00:49:35,097 --> 00:49:37,391
- We have no chance
- of finding anything out here.
- 930
- 00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:41,770
- He must think I know something
- that could lead me to the girls.
- 931
- 00:49:41,853 --> 00:49:44,439
- -You did find that weird book.
- -That's it.
- 932
- 00:49:44,856 --> 00:49:47,025
- -Titus, you're a genius!
- -I know.
- 933
- 00:49:47,984 --> 00:49:50,487
- Why didn't I read this book?
- 934
- 00:49:52,155 --> 00:49:53,281
- No.
- 935
- 00:49:55,450 --> 00:49:57,661
- I got to the bunker first, you morons!
- 936
- 00:49:57,744 --> 00:50:00,497
- Now I'm taking these girls to Florida,
- where everything's legal!
- 937
- 00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:01,790
- You lose!
- [whoops]
- 938
- 00:50:01,998 --> 00:50:03,875
- No, not Florida!
- 939
- 00:50:05,377 --> 00:50:07,879
- All right, I wouldn't
- have got that right, either.
- 940
- 00:50:07,963 --> 00:50:11,007
- You had to read the book?
- What's fun about that?
- 941
- 00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:15,095
- Me, I would have kissed Frederick.
- "Ga-ga-ga-gooey!"
- 942
- 00:50:15,262 --> 00:50:16,638
- I don't have a type.
- 943
- 00:50:16,722 --> 00:50:19,307
- Here's the good news-- you did
- the right thing watching that baby,
- 944
- 00:50:19,391 --> 00:50:21,601
- so you don't got to go
- all the way back to the beginning.
- 945
- 00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:26,440
- Bad news is I just broke the fourth wall,
- and now I got to fix it.
- 946
- 00:50:26,773 --> 00:50:28,066
- Classic Mikey.
- 947
- 00:50:29,651 --> 00:50:30,986
- [grunts]
- 948
- 00:50:31,361 --> 00:50:33,405
- [thumps]
- 949
- 00:50:34,114 --> 00:50:36,199
- [reel rewinding]
- 950
- 00:50:39,411 --> 00:50:42,789
- Yes! These are it!
- 951
- 00:50:43,206 --> 00:50:45,292
- I look like a sexy Chuck Schumer.
- 952
- 00:50:45,625 --> 00:50:46,668
- Redundant.
- 953
- 00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:49,880
- What's wrong with it?
- 954
- 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:51,214
- It's a baby.
- 955
- 00:50:52,090 --> 00:50:53,008
- Make it stop.
- 956
- 00:50:53,467 --> 00:50:55,510
- [baby wailing]
- 957
- 00:50:56,428 --> 00:50:58,805
- And scene, baby.
- 958
- 00:51:00,015 --> 00:51:02,100
- There must be something she can play with.
- 959
- 00:51:02,684 --> 00:51:04,478
- Oh, maybe I'll read to her.
- 960
- 00:51:04,686 --> 00:51:06,229
- Nerd. Better idea.
- 961
- 00:51:06,980 --> 00:51:08,940
- I will read this baby,
- 962
- 00:51:09,191 --> 00:51:12,861
- because it is a diva
- and needs to hear some hard truths.
- 963
- 00:51:12,944 --> 00:51:15,238
- Come on, babies love to be read to.
- 964
- 00:51:15,322 --> 00:51:18,742
- I can still remember my mom reading
- the Camel Cash catalog to me.
- 965
- 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:21,703
- "Smoke in the shower
- with our patented cigarette laminator"!
- 966
- 00:51:22,370 --> 00:51:24,414
- I think you should let Titus do
- whatever he wants,
- 967
- 00:51:24,498 --> 00:51:27,501
- because this bachelorette party is awful.
- 968
- 00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:30,754
- Well, guess what, Larry Insults.
- 969
- 00:51:30,837 --> 00:51:34,549
- You're better at burns than I am.
- But I'm better at calming babies.
- 970
- 00:51:36,468 --> 00:51:38,887
- "The Mystery of the Mysterious Spy.
- 971
- 00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:45,060
- Chapter One: Paris,
- the city of France... and mysteries!
- 972
- 00:51:45,644 --> 00:51:48,647
- The heat reveals a secret message
- written in lemon juice.
- 973
- 00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,817
- Be careful, the spy is fake."
- 974
- 00:51:52,484 --> 00:51:54,903
- That's why the spy was so mysterious!
- 975
- 00:51:55,403 --> 00:51:56,488
- Oh!
- 976
- 00:51:56,571 --> 00:51:58,114
- You're still here. Good news.
- 977
- 00:51:58,198 --> 00:52:01,076
- Put the ankle monitor on my other baby
- and gave him a Monster Energy drink,
- 978
- 00:52:01,159 --> 00:52:02,577
- so I'm good for a while.
- 979
- 00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:04,120
- Titus, let's go!
- 980
- 00:52:05,997 --> 00:52:07,791
- And stop leaving babies alone.
- 981
- 00:52:07,874 --> 00:52:09,376
- Don't you dad-shame me.
- 982
- 00:52:09,459 --> 00:52:12,379
- I'm trying to have it all--
- a career, family, and hepatitis.
- 983
- 00:52:18,176 --> 00:52:20,387
- Hey, where's my pea shooter?
- 984
- 00:52:25,141 --> 00:52:26,768
- Which way do we go this time?
- 985
- 00:52:27,102 --> 00:52:28,270
- Why did I say "this time"?
- 986
- 00:52:28,353 --> 00:52:31,147
- Past lives. We were fish.
- 987
- 00:52:31,231 --> 00:52:32,232
- Lemon juice.
- 988
- 00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:34,276
- You can write secret messages
- in lemon juice.
- 989
- 00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:35,485
- They do that in the book.
- 990
- 00:52:35,569 --> 00:52:37,904
- Girl, I'm only in this book club
- to drink wine.
- 991
- 00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:39,447
- The girl who checked out this book
- 992
- 00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:41,992
- must have been trying to do
- the things she read about.
- 993
- 00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:44,953
- She must have tried to write
- a secret message with her scurvy lemon,
- 994
- 00:52:45,328 --> 00:52:47,831
- but the Reverend caught her
- and tooken the book away.
- 995
- 00:52:47,914 --> 00:52:49,332
- We need to heat the paper up!
- 996
- 00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:50,500
- If you need heat,
- 997
- 00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:53,879
- I think these gas station cheaters
- are just magnifying glasses.
- 998
- 00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:57,257
- Perfect! But what page is it on?
- 999
- 00:52:59,092 --> 00:53:01,219
- [playful music]
- 1000
- 00:53:04,931 --> 00:53:06,349
- This one tastes like lemon.
- 1001
- 00:53:13,231 --> 00:53:15,025
- [Kimmy] Oh, my gosh, it's working!
- 1002
- 00:53:18,361 --> 00:53:24,951
- "The last thing I saw outside was..."
- 1003
- 00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:27,078
- It's a drawing.
- 1004
- 00:53:27,954 --> 00:53:30,248
- -But of what?
- -Mikey's penis.
- 1005
- 00:53:30,957 --> 00:53:32,626
- But how did she know?
- 1006
- 00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:37,505
- No, it's not a wee-wee.
- 1007
- 00:53:38,882 --> 00:53:40,008
- It's a map!
- 1008
- 00:53:44,304 --> 00:53:46,389
- Come on! There's still time!
- 1009
- 00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:57,484
- [thrilling music]
- 1010
- 00:54:01,655 --> 00:54:02,656
- Indiana plates!
- 1011
- 00:54:09,245 --> 00:54:11,498
- -It's empty!
- -What about the beans?
- 1012
- 00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:20,006
- Motherfudger.
- 1013
- 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,258
- Jurassic Park rules!
- If I don't move, you can't see me!
- 1014
- 00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:25,011
- [Richard] Free hat!
- 1015
- 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:29,015
- Now running?
- 1016
- 00:54:30,350 --> 00:54:31,601
- [scoffs]
- 1017
- 00:54:40,276 --> 00:54:41,695
- [Jacqueline] Oh, Jenny.
- 1018
- 00:54:42,445 --> 00:54:45,115
- This is even worse. You're getting colder.
- 1019
- 00:54:45,198 --> 00:54:47,575
- Just tell me what to apologize for,
- and I'll do it!
- 1020
- 00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:51,287
- You know I can't do that.
- Also, this font is racist.
- 1021
- 00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,666
- My God, if Titus won't put the pants on,
- I'm going to lose my job.
- 1022
- 00:54:54,749 --> 00:54:58,211
- And I can't lose my job,
- not after the year I've had.
- 1023
- 00:55:00,839 --> 00:55:05,510
- Because it had been one for the books,
- let me tell you.
- 1024
- 00:55:06,094 --> 00:55:07,387
- Uh-huh.
- 1025
- 00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:11,641
- You don't even want to know.
- 1026
- 00:55:13,768 --> 00:55:15,687
- I mean, it has been epic!
- 1027
- 00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:23,028
- Are you gonna ask me about...
- about my year?
- 1028
- 00:55:23,778 --> 00:55:26,281
- Come on, we've all had bad years.
- 1029
- 00:55:26,364 --> 00:55:30,285
- For most of 1999, I lived in Murray Hill.
- 1030
- 00:55:30,535 --> 00:55:32,245
- -Where?
- -Exactly.
- 1031
- 00:55:33,038 --> 00:55:34,622
- Be right back, Titus!
- 1032
- 00:55:35,081 --> 00:55:38,418
- Look, if you get fired
- over this Titus thing, you'll be fine.
- 1033
- 00:55:38,501 --> 00:55:39,502
- You're so talented.
- 1034
- 00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:42,756
- Those pants you made overnight
- look just like the originals.
- 1035
- 00:55:43,423 --> 00:55:45,008
- What do you mean, "the originals"?
- 1036
- 00:55:45,675 --> 00:55:47,761
- When did you see the original pants?
- 1037
- 00:55:47,844 --> 00:55:49,596
- You said they were never delivered.
- 1038
- 00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:52,432
- Oh, my God, tell me about your year.
- Was it crazy? You're so pretty.
- 1039
- 00:55:52,515 --> 00:55:55,351
- You lied about the pants. You're covering.
- 1040
- 00:55:55,435 --> 00:55:56,728
- Is Titus even in there?
- 1041
- 00:55:57,645 --> 00:56:00,065
- What? Titus?
- 1042
- 00:56:00,356 --> 00:56:04,152
- Jesus. What's really going on with him?
- 1043
- 00:56:04,569 --> 00:56:06,196
- Botched Botox?
- 1044
- 00:56:06,279 --> 00:56:08,907
- He got drunk and flew his blimp
- into a school bus?
- 1045
- 00:56:08,990 --> 00:56:11,618
- He slipped a disc
- trying auto-erotic asphyxiation?
- 1046
- 00:56:12,368 --> 00:56:15,830
- Yeah, I've seen it all.
- I worked with Tom Hanks.
- 1047
- 00:56:16,247 --> 00:56:18,750
- Ms. White, the director's cocaine
- is wearing off. We need Titus.
- 1048
- 00:56:18,833 --> 00:56:21,044
- Yeah, well, good luck with that
- because he's not in there.
- 1049
- 00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:22,087
- What? What do you mean?
- 1050
- 00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:27,634
- Titus isn't in his trailer.
- 1051
- 00:56:28,176 --> 00:56:30,178
- [indistinct clamoring]
- 1052
- 00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:35,600
- Who are you?
- 1053
- 00:56:35,892 --> 00:56:37,977
- I'm the reason we're all here.
- 1054
- 00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:40,563
- Okay.
- 1055
- 00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:43,691
- You'll never catch me
- because I'm so fast because of karate!
- 1056
- 00:56:43,983 --> 00:56:47,237
- -Where are they?
- -Karate run! Karate run!
- 1057
- 00:56:50,365 --> 00:56:51,282
- [Titus] Oh, God.
- 1058
- 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:03,586
- How did Forrest Gump do this
- for three years?
- 1059
- 00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:06,089
- Oh, right. That body of his.
- 1060
- 00:57:10,927 --> 00:57:13,221
- Not now, drugs. My friend needs me.
- 1061
- 00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:17,976
- Maybe it's real this time.
- 1062
- 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:22,814
- It's just one of those woodland banquets
- you read about, right, no one?
- 1063
- 00:57:28,444 --> 00:57:29,654
- Kimmy.
- 1064
- 00:57:30,947 --> 00:57:32,157
- Scrod.
- 1065
- 00:57:33,324 --> 00:57:34,576
- Kimmy!
- 1066
- 00:57:35,743 --> 00:57:37,620
- Spaghetti-O's mold!
- 1067
- 00:57:38,496 --> 00:57:41,833
- [groans]
- Kimmy, you keep running that way,
- 1068
- 00:57:41,916 --> 00:57:44,919
- and I'll run in the opposite direction...
- 1069
- 00:57:45,128 --> 00:57:48,131
- around the world so we can surround him!
- 1070
- 00:57:49,382 --> 00:57:52,385
- ⪠...Just the way I'd hope you'd be âª
- 1071
- 00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:53,928
- ⪠I'm so lucky... âª
- 1072
- 00:57:54,012 --> 00:57:55,763
- I can definitely tell it's dirt this time.
- 1073
- 00:57:56,014 --> 00:57:57,182
- I don't care.
- 1074
- 00:57:58,016 --> 00:57:59,934
- I think I'm developing a taste for it.
- 1075
- 00:58:02,353 --> 00:58:04,439
- Okay, where is he?
- 1076
- 00:58:04,898 --> 00:58:06,399
- Well, I don't know where he is.
- 1077
- 00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:10,195
- I've been stalling, trying to save his job
- and my commission.
- 1078
- 00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:12,739
- But the truth is
- Titus was never in his trailer.
- 1079
- 00:58:13,615 --> 00:58:16,075
- And I guess he's not coming.
- 1080
- 00:58:16,951 --> 00:58:18,161
- So, you lied to us.
- 1081
- 00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:21,915
- Yes, I lied, okay? I'm sorry.
- 1082
- 00:58:21,998 --> 00:58:26,628
- But everyone in Hollywood told us
- we have to believe women all the time now.
- 1083
- 00:58:27,420 --> 00:58:28,463
- If you lied...
- 1084
- 00:58:29,506 --> 00:58:31,758
- that means other women probably lie, too.
- 1085
- 00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:34,469
- No, no, that's not what it means.
- 1086
- 00:58:34,552 --> 00:58:36,679
- And that means Time's Up
- is over, everybody.
- 1087
- 00:58:36,763 --> 00:58:39,849
- Women lie, so we can go back
- to doing whatever we want!
- 1088
- 00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,977
- No! My mistakes are only mine!
- 1089
- 00:58:43,478 --> 00:58:45,522
- [upbeat music]
- 1090
- 00:58:46,189 --> 00:58:48,274
- ⪠I love booze in California âª
- 1091
- 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,109
- ⪠Sun in California âª
- 1092
- 00:58:50,193 --> 00:58:51,486
- ⪠Sky in California âª
- 1093
- 00:58:51,569 --> 00:58:53,321
- ⪠And my bro in California âª
- 1094
- 00:58:53,404 --> 00:58:54,906
- ⪠I love bikes in California âª
- 1095
- 00:58:54,989 --> 00:58:56,824
- ⪠Working out in California âª
- 1096
- 00:58:56,908 --> 00:59:00,036
- ⪠But the boobs in California
- Are the greatest boobs around âª
- 1097
- 00:59:00,119 --> 00:59:02,580
- Hey, wardrobe girl, you're fired!
- 1098
- 00:59:02,664 --> 00:59:04,874
- Men don't need pants anymore!
- 1099
- 00:59:05,416 --> 00:59:07,210
- What have you done, you monster?
- 1100
- 00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:09,254
- I didn't mean for this to happen.
- 1101
- 00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:13,007
- Calm down. You're being hysterical.
- 1102
- 00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:15,718
- [screams]
- 1103
- 00:59:17,929 --> 00:59:21,015
- You won't ever catch me!
- Dogs are faster than cats!
- 1104
- 00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:22,892
- Whoo-hoo! Kara--
- [grunts]
- 1105
- 00:59:24,811 --> 00:59:26,729
- [groans]
- 1106
- 00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:32,318
- Help me, Sister Kimmy.
- 1107
- 00:59:34,404 --> 00:59:36,114
- Come on!
- [yells]
- 1108
- 00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:37,949
- Where are those girls?
- 1109
- 00:59:38,783 --> 00:59:40,702
- [pants]
- 1110
- 00:59:41,703 --> 00:59:43,037
- I can't find them.
- 1111
- 00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:46,499
- I've been looking all day,
- and I can't find the hatch.
- 1112
- 00:59:47,834 --> 00:59:50,044
- [Richard] It's the wilderness, Kimmy.
- [scoffs]
- 1113
- 00:59:50,461 --> 00:59:51,421
- It's vast!
- 1114
- 00:59:51,504 --> 00:59:53,089
- What do you mean, you can't find them?
- 1115
- 00:59:53,172 --> 00:59:55,550
- Well, I thought I had marked
- the spot pretty good,
- 1116
- 00:59:55,633 --> 00:59:58,261
- but I haven't been here in five years
- because I've been in jail!
- 1117
- 00:59:59,304 --> 01:00:00,471
- So, that's on you.
- 1118
- 01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:03,391
- No, you can't just forget
- where you put them!
- 1119
- 01:00:03,474 --> 01:00:05,935
- They're not CD cases, they're people!
- 1120
- 01:00:06,019 --> 01:00:09,314
- Well, they're probably
- dead people, all right?
- 1121
- 01:00:09,397 --> 01:00:11,566
- They're probably dead
- because you jailed me.
- 1122
- 01:00:13,443 --> 01:00:15,653
- That's the problem
- with you white ladies-- you're selfish.
- 1123
- 01:00:15,737 --> 01:00:18,197
- You want "your" justice,
- no matter who else it hurts.
- 1124
- 01:00:18,281 --> 01:00:20,616
- -That's not--
- -But when a guy messes up
- 1125
- 01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:23,745
- and wants to turn it around
- and do the "right thing,"
- 1126
- 01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,456
- oh, it's like, "No way, Louis CK."
- 1127
- 01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:29,000
- That's sexism.
- So, here's what we're going to do.
- 1128
- 01:00:29,083 --> 01:00:32,211
- You're going to carry me back to the van,
- we're going to drive to the hospital,
- 1129
- 01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:35,673
- and our cover story is going to be
- "camping trip sex accident."
- 1130
- 01:00:36,716 --> 01:00:37,800
- Who knows you're here?
- 1131
- 01:00:37,967 --> 01:00:39,886
- What? No one. I'm not stupid.
- [scoffs]
- 1132
- 01:00:40,178 --> 01:00:42,305
- I've been tagging all my Instagrams
- "Vegas Pool Party."
- 1133
- 01:00:42,805 --> 01:00:46,017
- So, we're all alone,
- and no one even knows you're here?
- 1134
- 01:00:52,023 --> 01:00:54,567
- Okay, uh, let's not do anything foolish.
- 1135
- 01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:57,862
- Easy now, princess. Do you even know
- how to handle that thing safely?
- 1136
- 01:00:57,945 --> 01:00:59,489
- -[gun fires]
- -[bird cawing]
- 1137
- 01:00:59,572 --> 01:01:00,531
- No.
- 1138
- 01:01:01,282 --> 01:01:03,159
- Whatever you're thinking, don't do it.
- 1139
- 01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:09,999
- What are you thinking, Kimmy?
- 1140
- 01:01:15,129 --> 01:01:16,339
- All right, now, that's enough.
- 1141
- 01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:20,009
- "Let me just hold it until you calm down."
- That's what she said.
- 1142
- 01:01:20,093 --> 01:01:21,177
- -[gun fires]
- -[Richard] Whoa!
- 1143
- 01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:24,764
- Okay, okay, let's just maybe
- just take a second here, okay?
- 1144
- 01:01:25,473 --> 01:01:26,724
- Just a second.
- 1145
- 01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:28,726
- Oh, my God, a wolf!
- 1146
- 01:01:33,064 --> 01:01:34,232
- [grunts]
- 1147
- 01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:36,234
- Dang it!
- 1148
- 01:01:36,692 --> 01:01:38,611
- All right, Kimmy, come on, now!
- 1149
- 01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:43,449
- You're not gonna kill me.
- You won't even divorce me!
- 1150
- 01:01:43,908 --> 01:01:44,951
- I mean, admit it.
- 1151
- 01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:46,786
- We have a thing for each other.
- 1152
- 01:01:47,036 --> 01:01:49,122
- -[gun firing]
- -[grunts]
- 1153
- 01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:54,627
- [tense music]
- 1154
- 01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:01,801
- [exhales sharply]
- 1155
- 01:02:09,058 --> 01:02:09,976
- Girls!
- 1156
- 01:02:11,811 --> 01:02:14,355
- Girls? Girls?
- 1157
- 01:02:19,026 --> 01:02:20,111
- Girls!
- 1158
- 01:02:23,197 --> 01:02:26,492
- Well, we met, believe it or not,
- when Lillian was helping me prepare
- 1159
- 01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:27,410
- for my own wedding.
- 1160
- 01:02:27,493 --> 01:02:28,870
- To someone else.
- 1161
- 01:02:28,953 --> 01:02:32,999
- But when my fiancée wandered off
- into the wilds of West Virginia...
- 1162
- 01:02:33,082 --> 01:02:37,503
- Yeah, I know you're not from here,
- but there is no "West" Virginia.
- 1163
- 01:02:37,587 --> 01:02:38,754
- [chuckles]
- 1164
- 01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:42,592
- It was a very difficult time,
- but Lillian was there for me.
- 1165
- 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:47,346
- Well, you looked so sad and lost,
- like a puppy...
- 1166
- 01:02:47,430 --> 01:02:50,183
- a puppy with his own castle.
- 1167
- 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:56,314
- And, as it so often does,
- pity eventually turned into love.
- 1168
- 01:02:56,397 --> 01:02:58,024
- And now, here we are.
- 1169
- 01:02:58,191 --> 01:03:01,402
- Oh, and Lillian has a plan for everyone
- ahead of me in line for the throne.
- 1170
- 01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:02,612
- I do.
- 1171
- 01:03:03,654 --> 01:03:05,656
- -[hysterical laughter]
- -Oh!
- 1172
- 01:03:05,740 --> 01:03:07,658
- -Yeah.
- -It's going to be good.
- 1173
- 01:03:08,201 --> 01:03:10,203
- [reel rewinding]
- 1174
- 01:03:10,286 --> 01:03:11,913
- What are you thinking, Kimmy?
- 1175
- 01:03:13,581 --> 01:03:14,749
- All right, now, that's enough.
- 1176
- 01:03:14,832 --> 01:03:17,418
- "Let me just hold it until you calm down."
- That's what she said.
- 1177
- 01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:20,338
- Let's just maybe just take
- a second here, okay?
- 1178
- 01:03:20,421 --> 01:03:21,506
- Oh, my God, a wolf!
- 1179
- 01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:27,053
- [grunts]
- 1180
- 01:03:29,430 --> 01:03:30,264
- Dang it!
- 1181
- 01:03:31,766 --> 01:03:32,934
- How does this feel?
- 1182
- 01:03:34,143 --> 01:03:35,269
- Scary.
- 1183
- 01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:39,232
- Why did you do all those things to us?
- 1184
- 01:03:42,151 --> 01:03:43,444
- Because I could.
- 1185
- 01:03:45,571 --> 01:03:48,616
- And now you're gonna
- do the same to me. I get it.
- 1186
- 01:03:49,408 --> 01:03:50,785
- That's the way of the world.
- 1187
- 01:03:52,328 --> 01:03:53,663
- You win. I get it.
- 1188
- 01:04:00,002 --> 01:04:00,920
- No!
- 1189
- 01:04:02,672 --> 01:04:05,049
- That's not the world I want to live in.
- 1190
- 01:04:06,259 --> 01:04:08,636
- If I kill you,
- then I'm no better than you.
- 1191
- 01:04:10,846 --> 01:04:12,473
- And I am better.
- 1192
- 01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:17,770
- Oh, thank Christ.
- 1193
- 01:04:19,647 --> 01:04:20,815
- That's my girl.
- 1194
- 01:04:20,898 --> 01:04:23,943
- Now, just carry me back to the van
- before it gets dark, huh?
- 1195
- 01:04:24,402 --> 01:04:25,778
- No, you're going to walk.
- 1196
- 01:04:25,861 --> 01:04:27,154
- Where are you going? No, no, no.
- 1197
- 01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:29,115
- Hey, the road's that way. Hello?
- 1198
- 01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:31,993
- I need a big piece of wood
- to make you a splint,
- 1199
- 01:04:32,076 --> 01:04:34,078
- like in the book
- when your horse hurts its leg.
- 1200
- 01:04:34,161 --> 01:04:35,329
- Yeah. No, I know.
- 1201
- 01:04:35,413 --> 01:04:37,373
- Dynamite book, by the way, but I'm good.
- 1202
- 01:04:37,456 --> 01:04:39,667
- You don't need to hurt a tree.
- I'll just crawl.
- 1203
- 01:04:40,668 --> 01:04:42,420
- [creaks]
- 1204
- 01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:49,886
- [thuds]
- 1205
- 01:04:51,888 --> 01:04:53,139
- [thumps]
- 1206
- 01:04:55,057 --> 01:04:56,058
- [Richard] Shit.
- 1207
- 01:04:57,643 --> 01:05:00,479
- Okay, I will admit it. Yes, I lied.
- 1208
- 01:05:00,563 --> 01:05:03,566
- But to be fair,
- this is a scary time for men.
- 1209
- 01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:07,570
- [Kimmy grunts]
- 1210
- 01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:12,783
- [foreboding music]
- 1211
- 01:05:36,265 --> 01:05:38,392
- [uplifting music]
- 1212
- 01:05:52,573 --> 01:05:55,910
- It's here! It's all still here!
- 1213
- 01:05:57,411 --> 01:05:59,622
- [uplifting music]
- 1214
- 01:06:16,764 --> 01:06:19,266
- [news report theme music]
- 1215
- 01:06:19,350 --> 01:06:23,729
- In entertainment news,
- today author Kimberly Schmidt says "I do"
- 1216
- 01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:25,898
- to fiancé Prince Frederick of England,
- 1217
- 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:31,153
- and "RIP" to ex-husband-
- slash-kidnapper-slash-total Sagittarius
- 1218
- 01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:34,407
- Richard Wayne Gary Wayne,
- who was kicked to death in prison.
- 1219
- 01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:35,825
- Say what?
- 1220
- 01:06:36,367 --> 01:06:39,704
- For NBC News, I'm George Georgiulio.
- 1221
- 01:06:39,787 --> 01:06:40,788
- Yay!
- 1222
- 01:06:42,081 --> 01:06:44,583
- [lively music]
- 1223
- 01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:56,303
- Okay, I wasn't worried about that dress.
- That is fierce!
- 1224
- 01:06:57,847 --> 01:07:00,975
- We are gathered here today
- to join in matrimony,
- 1225
- 01:07:01,058 --> 01:07:04,103
- from the Latin, mater, for "mother," FYI,
- 1226
- 01:07:04,437 --> 01:07:09,316
- Kimmy and Frederick,
- who is, like, a legit prince.
- 1227
- 01:07:09,900 --> 01:07:10,901
- Unbelievable.
- 1228
- 01:07:11,152 --> 01:07:12,153
- Oh!
- 1229
- 01:07:12,236 --> 01:07:17,074
- I'm so happy for my frontwalker.
- That's what backpacks call people.
- 1230
- 01:07:19,535 --> 01:07:23,330
- I know who you are. You ruined Time's Up.
- 1231
- 01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:27,042
- You're the reason that my boss
- has gone back to calling me "Supertits"!
- 1232
- 01:07:28,127 --> 01:07:29,295
- Why, though?
- 1233
- 01:07:32,548 --> 01:07:34,759
- I'm doing a daily worldwide apology
- on my Instagram.
- 1234
- 01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:38,721
- I don't blame her for being mad at you.
- 1235
- 01:07:39,013 --> 01:07:41,807
- Yesterday, the president
- just straight-up peed on a lady.
- 1236
- 01:07:42,558 --> 01:07:45,311
- [coughs]
- 1237
- 01:07:49,607 --> 01:07:54,069
- God, why did you eat all that dirt?
- It's ruined your singing voice.
- 1238
- 01:07:54,153 --> 01:07:58,491
- Because it was foods, Jacqueline.
- Ask worms if dirt is food.
- 1239
- 01:07:58,574 --> 01:08:01,494
- Smile, you two. So you screwed up.
- 1240
- 01:08:01,577 --> 01:08:02,453
- [scoffs]
- 1241
- 01:08:02,536 --> 01:08:05,456
- You make better choices next time,
- am I right?
- 1242
- 01:08:10,127 --> 01:08:11,921
- You kissed the groom?
- 1243
- 01:08:12,004 --> 01:08:14,423
- Do you, Kimberly Cougar Schmidt,
- 1244
- 01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:17,885
- and you, Frederick Henry
- Eurythmics Windsor,
- 1245
- 01:08:17,968 --> 01:08:20,221
- feel like hanging out
- for the rest of your life?
- 1246
- 01:08:20,304 --> 01:08:21,305
- [both] Fudge, yeah!
- 1247
- 01:08:21,764 --> 01:08:26,393
- Then, by the power vested in me
- akumenang.com
- 1248
- 01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:29,647
- I now pronounce you
- an equal team of two humans.
- 1249
- 01:08:30,856 --> 01:08:32,983
- [applauds]
- 1250
- 01:08:34,693 --> 01:08:35,903
- Yay!
- 1251
- 01:08:37,613 --> 01:08:40,116
- This was a fascinating transition!
- 1252
- 01:08:47,206 --> 01:08:49,667
- Whoa! So close!
- 1253
- 01:08:49,750 --> 01:08:53,462
- I think that could have ended better
- for Jacqueline and Titus.
- 1254
- 01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:57,383
- At least Kimmy's happy.
- But she's always happy.
- 1255
- 01:08:57,466 --> 01:09:00,052
- I think there's something wrong with her.
- 1256
- 01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:06,809
- Me, I just got that cat parasite
- that makes you want to buy more cats.
- 1257
- 01:09:07,184 --> 01:09:09,895
- Anyway, A-minus.
- 1258
- 01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:12,690
- Congrats! You're going to Cornell!
- 1259
- 01:09:12,773 --> 01:09:15,109
- And I'm going to the cat store.
- 1260
- 01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:50,811
- ⪠Pinot noir âª
- 1261
- 01:09:52,730 --> 01:09:55,900
- ⪠Caviar, Myanmar, Mid-sized car âª
- 1262
- 01:09:56,484 --> 01:10:00,279
- ⪠You don't have to be popular
- Find out who your true friends are âª
- 1263
- 01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:03,824
- ⪠Pinot noir âª
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